Dwayne’s Comments (group member since Apr 01, 2017)

Dwayne’s comments from the Support for Indie Authors group.

Phillip, I found it on YouTube being sung by Rosemary Clooney. It's cute!

Well, a number of special needs people I know are singing that song in a Halloween show, Sam. Yes, it counts.

Anyone out there have any favorite songs they listen to around Halloween? Favorite films?

I'm avoiding all my usual films I watch this time of the year as I've seen them all so many times I need a break. (Blair Witch Project, Candyman, and Psycho are my top three).

I have a ton of songs I include in my Halloween playlist. Top three favorites would probably be "Werewolves on Wheels" by The Born Losers, "Lullaby" by The Cure, and "Nemesis" by Shriekback.

I'd go as Ben Starn. He pops up in several of my stories and the poor sap looks exactly like me, only he's a better dresser.

Noor wrote: "...so there’s a big learning curve on the marketing front."

So, let me give you a lesson. When you join a group on Goodreads, please get familiar with the group and the rules before you post. The rules pop up to the right side whenever you post in a yellow box. If you take the time to read them, you'll see we don't allow self-promotion here. This is also not the place to request reviews.

Noor wrote: "I’m sure there are other posts sounding similar to mine."

Unfortunately, yes. It is common for people to join this group and assume we're here waiting to buy their books and review them. That's not what we're here for and I delete those comments as soon as I see them.

Like I am with yours.

Locked and archived your other thread about this blurb. No need to have two threads running for the same blurb.

Vicente wrote: "My best for everyone,

Vicente."

Pretty much the only part of your message that wasn't breaking at least one of our rules.

Please read over the code of conduct before posting again. We are a support group for authors, we are not a marketplace.

Thanks.

No. It's fine to ask the question, but directing people to your blog is still against the rules. Deleting.

Another from Night Owls, still not published. This one requires a short explanation. Ben and Iris are counselors at a Church of the Brethren camp. The camp dean, whom neither of them can stand, always wears tee shirts from Brethren Annual Conferences:

The hike back to camp was easier than the hike to the dock, as the sunlight penetrating the covering rendered flashlights unnecessary. Iris pulled her hoodie off and tied the sleeves around her waist. Ben pointed and laughed at her tee shirt. Iris looked down. “What?” On the blue shirt, white letters spelled out, “Brethren Annual Conference Portland 1991”.

“Did Louise Anne have a garage sale?”

Iris blushed and smoothed her hand over her belly. “Yes. We’re twins. She’s the evil one.”

“And you got the brains and the beauty and…”

Iris blushed harder and shook her head. “Stop it,” she whispered.

Moments later when no one was speaking and the only sounds heard were the shuffle of feet and the chatter of birds in the trees, Iris began to sing, soft at first. When Ben edged closer to listen, Iris sang louder, crooning Van Morrison’s Brown Eyed Girl. When finished, she gave him a long gaze and said, “I love that song. My dad sang it to me when I was little.”

“That’s sweet,” Ben said. “You have a nice voice.”

Her cheeks burned pink and her eyes filled with twinkling stars. “I like to think it’s my song, like it was written about me.”

“The song is older than we are, you know.”

“I know. Still means a lot to me.”

“And every woman I’ve met with brown eyes. It can’t be about all of you.”

“Ben.” Her smile faded. Her eyes lost their twinkle. “This is a perfect moment and I want to remember it forever. Don’t ruin it.”

Everything in the dining hall is covered in candle wax and owl poop, anyway.

Better yet, I'll start my own house.

Owleye.

It's for coffee-swillin', hard-rockin' Muggles who are called hipsters but still don't even know the meaning of that word. And you have to be so introverted that if anyone else joins the house, you go start another one just for you.

Ravenclaw.

By mixing non-fiction and fiction, do you mean taking a time from your real life and adding some fictional details? Like a memoir with a few embellished moment? That's similar to what I do with some of my short stories and my second novel. All I can really suggest is write the rough draft out and don't worry about the realism too much. Get the story down. As you read it over, ask yourself constantly, "Does this ring true? Could this really happen? Would this person react this way in real life?" Make sure there's a real reason behind the "trust issues", for example, if that's going to be central to the story. Don't just have her being untrusting without a sound explanation. In a story I'm working on right now, the central character is a married man whose wife is filing for divorce. They've been trying for some time to have children and she's miscarried twice, which is making her feel less of a woman and making her feel she's not a good wife, which, in turn, makes her suspicious of everything her husband is doing, thinking he's having an affair and wants to leave her. So, yes, her reasons are irrational, but it's better than saying she's just unhappy and wants out.

Make sure to keep your characters consistent. This doesn't mean they have to be exactly the same page after page and can't change at all, but make sure that when their moods do change, its consistent with the character you're creating. Or, if they're based on real people, make sure the character is doing what the real person would do.

Robert, this is the third thread you've started for this blurb. I closed and archived the other two.

Without reading your story, I don't know how to tell you how to make it more realistic. Can you, at least, give some idea of what your novel is about, beyond "married life"? Does the couple have children? How long have they been married? What country does this take place in? What year? What complications do they face? Are there reasons their families might be against their marriage? Are there reasons society might look down on their marriage?

The best way I know to tighten things up is to pore over your manuscript again and again, looking for wordiness. I believe if anything is going to turn a reader off quickly, it's going to be excessive, needless babbling.

Here are a couple of paragraphs from a work I'm currently editing, a before and after version of each. This is not my first time working this manuscript and it won't be my last:

Ben took a few more steps, his eyes on the trail ahead, lit only by the bobbing flashlight. Behind him Reese shouted and there was a series of crashes as something tumbled down the hill, through the folliage and toward the lake. Ben turned his flashlight on Reese, who laughed. “I kicked a big rock down the hill.” For a moment, Ben considered ordering everyone to return to camp, but the soda machine was not much further, and he hated to take this hike away from Iris and the girls. “The next time you do that, you’re going down with it.”

The trail wound several more yards, over rickety bridges and steep ridges. When they reached the top of a hill and a wooden platform there, providing a pleasant panorama of the lake, they saw daylight was drawing near. Ben stood silently on the platform, his head pivoting slowly, taking in the view. The beach across the way looked like a white streak against the dark of the shower house and trees beyond. Garter Lake resembled rippling ink. Iris slipped up beside him, her hand on the pine green rail, almost touching his.

Ben took a few steps, his eyes on the trail lit by the bobbing flashlight. Behind him Reese shouted. There was a series of crashes as something tumbled through the folliage and toward the lake. Ben turned his flashlight on Reese, who laughed. “I kicked a boulder down the hill.” Ben considered ordering everyone to return to camp, but the soda machine was not much further, and he hated to take this hike away from Iris and the girls. “Next time, you’re going down with it.”

The trail wound over rickety bridges and up steep ridges. Atop one ridge a wooden platform provided a pleasant panorama of the lake. Daylight was drawing near. Ben stood in silence, his head pivoting, taking in the view. The beach across the way was a white streak against the dark shower house and trees beyond. Garter Lake resembled rippling ink. Iris was at his side, her hand on the pine green rail, almost touching his.

In this one pass, I removed a little more than thirty words from these two paragraphs.

B.A. wrote: "(FYI, you need to look of some of the things Dwayne has written. I'm so jealous of his wonderful stories.)"

Thanks, B.A. How kind!

And there you go, Felix. You got someone to remind you of 1776, which may be what you were looking for since "debates" like this generally go that direction eventually.

Anyway, guys, this is getting off topic. If anyone wants to further squabble about who has rights over a language or which country is somehow superior, take it elsewhere. This really isn't the forum for it. Thanks.

C.B. Matson wrote: "Thanks all, for your help... Makes sense, but numerals just seemed out of place in fiction text."

Because we've been told and told and told that when writing, we should write out the numbers instead of using numerals, which is true most of the time. There are exceptions and this is one of them.

Felix wrote: "Certainly rattled your cage!

PS - as you point out Dwayne - it's OUR language which you use by choice."

Yay. You rattled my cage. Yay. Feel good about it. Yay. Another troll wins the internets. Yay.

Yes, it's our language and we share it.