Dwayne’s Comments (group member since Apr 01, 2017)

Dwayne’s comments from the Support for Indie Authors group.

Xanxa wrote: "Then what I do isn't truly head-hopping. I don't change POV within the same paragraph. I thought any change in POV within a chapter counted as head-hopping. Thank you for setting me straight on this point."

Back in the eighties and nineties when I read every book I could get my hands on about fiction writing, head-hopping was described often as rapid and frequent changes in point of view, especially within the same paragraph. Now whenever I come across a blogger who is trying to give instructions on fiction writing, they seem to equate head-hopping with any change in the point-of-view. Maybe that is the current definition. If it is, I disagree with it. Changes in the same paragraph can certainly be confusing. Changing with each scene or chapter, not so much. A short story I recently wrote has twelve changes of point of view. No one who has read it was confused. So, I say if a change in point of view works in your story and doesn't become confusing, do it.

Xanxa wrote: "Thank you. I keep hearing such negative things about head-hopping, how it's poor writing or amateurish or confusing."

What used to be known as head-hopping is poor writing. It seems that anymore any shift in point of view is seen as head hopping, by many. Changing a point of view within a chapter or between chapters, or between scenes, etc. isn't head hopping, by the old definition. Changing within the same sentence or paragraph is.

What seems to be happening is, the advice is still being passed around not to head hop, but it's being passed around by people who don't really understand what head hopping is.

The biggest problem I see with head-hopping is how some authors tend to not understand what it actually is. Head-hopping is when the point of view changes abruptly within a sentence or a paragraph.

Changing the point of view mid-chapter or every chapter is not head-hopping. Point-of-view changes within a chapter can and do most certainly work, if (like everything else in writing) the author takes the time to make it work.

The problem is, when you think head-hopping means any change in the point of view, then you hear how bad it is, it makes you afraid to attempt point of view changes in your writing. Depending on the piece, a change in point of view can offer the reader multiple views into your world and it gives you more freedom as the creator. Don't let a greatly misunderstood rule stand in your way of writing your story the way it was meant to be written.

You're welcome, Laura. If you have more than one central character, it doesn't hurt to focus on two or three. I wouldn't recommend doing more than that, however. Just make sure it's clear what their part in the story is and what is at stake for each.

It's great to look at blurbs of books similar to your own. I've never read a George R. R. Martin book, but a couple of years ago I did pull the blurb from one of his books to illustrate to someone how a good blurb is written. (Since their book was high fantasy and sounded similar to what Martin might write).

Out of curiosity, I looked at your first book. The blurb for that one is much, much better. It's focused. We can see Amy is the central character and what she's trying to do and what she's up against. So, clearly, you know how to write a solid blurb. Use that as your blueprint and follow it. If Amy is still your central character, focus on her trip from Boston to Atlantis and why she's going and what's at stake if she fails in her mission.

Every reader is going to have different tastes. E.M. likes the were-jaguars, for example. Not everyone will.

There really isn't enough detail for me to know what would appeal to me. Examples: Discover the reason for the Pacific siren alliance with the Australians as the Danjou mages further their hidden agenda. I have no idea what the Pacific siren alliance means, nor have I ever heard of the Danjou mages, so I can't really connect to this sentence at all. But it is the oldest sister, Mary, and family matriarch, Mira, whose transformations will change the course of history. I don't know who Mary or Mira are, what transformations they're going through or what the history of their world was up to this point. So, again, there's nothing to connect to.

There will be things in your book that most readers will like. There will be things that readers won't like. Everyone will have a different opinion as to what is interesting and what isn't.

That's why I encourage people to focus on the main plot in a blurb and the central character. You mention Amy first. If this is her story, focus on what's going on with her in the book. Maybe some readers would love to read about the were-jaguars, but if they are not central to the story and Amy is, those readers might feel put off waiting for the were-jaguars to appear if they're not invested in Amy's story.

I suspect you're expecting everyone has read your first book. And maybe they should before tackling this one. Still, even when writing a blurb for a book in a series, write it as if the reader has no idea what has happened previously. Focus on what this book is about.

Wow. You have a lot going on in that blurb and I'm left feeling dizzy. I have no idea who the characters are or what is going on, other than there's some kind of war, some kind of romance, and the characters are (literally) all over the place. Try to focus on whatever the main plot is and whoever the central character is. The reader will get to know the other characters when they read the book.

Kai wrote: "I let a friend read a rough draft, and they put it down because they thought the wording was atrocious."

My advice? Don't let anyone read your rough drafts. Rough drafts are always atrocious. Wait until you have done a few drafts and have worked out the flow of the story. As you work out your story, you'll find a rhythm for it. You'll see the places that work and the places that do not. It's tough to teach someone how to have a rhythm to their work as we're all different.

When you read books similar to whatever you're working on, pay attention to how the words flow. Find books that have a rhythm that works for you and study how that author writes. When you find one that doesn't flow well, pay attention to why it doesn't work for you.

I get a sense of setting here, but not really feeling a character or a real story. A girl named Abby is going west in hopes things are better there. Who is she? How did she get into this horrible place? Why is she alone? Maybe a little nitpicky, but I hate that line, "...she is beset on all sides by death..." So... she dies.

It's good in all writing, especially blurbs, to mix long and short sentences. A little ways in and it started feeling muddy and sluggish. You want a blurb to pack a punch.

Maybe cut down on some of the unnecessary detail. You could start with "Kalista has been cursed..."

A little more focus on the main plot. I'm not sure I follow what's really going on. People think Kalista is a beast? But, she's not, she's just cursed? Why does Arawn think the beast and / or Kalista killed his brother? Maybe more of this and less about the wolves, the banquets, and servants.

Anna Faversham wrote: "I agree with some of what is said but I'd add that although it's good to have a question, the browser will think he/she can guess the answer without reading the book."

Agree with this. Even without knowing the situation or the character, it is fairly clear that the character is going to make it with the help of her friends. Some people don't mind knowing the ending. Some people demand a happy ending, and this will probably satisfy them. Then there are weirdos like me who don't want to know how it's going to turn out before even opening the book.

To summon a Librarian you must go into the middle of a dark wood at 12:13 at night. Bring candles, goat's blood, an iron cauldron...

Never mind. That's the best way, but it takes too long to explain. This way is easier to explain:

Scroll down the bottom of this page and click where it says "About us". On the left hand side of the page that comes up, you'll see a link that says "contact". Click that and a short form will appear that you can fill out.

It's short and pretty vague.

There's no character to connect to. We're told nothing about the lonely young woman, except she has made mistakes and wants to move on with her life.

Who is she? What are her mistakes? What is at stake here?

You would need to contact a librarian and see if they can help you. From what I understand they don't like to change covers, but will under certain circumstances.

So, you were asking about the cover, not the entire book? If it's just the cover, yes. All caps is fine.

Was there a reason you chose to do it in all caps?

W.G. wrote: "In a multi-scene chapter, the 2nd scene is introduced by six dashes in the first line (eg: ------) followed by the actual writing. QUESTION - If the second scene takes place at a subsequent time, or a different location, should I get rid of the dashes and instead use a date / time stamp and / or new location line at the top of the 2nd scene? What works best?"

I'm confused. Are the second scene and the 2nd scene the same scene? I'm not seeing anything about a first, third, etc. scene, so calling each scene second is throwing me off. What purpose do the dashes serve in the first place?

Carly wrote: ""

No links. No self promotion. Thanks.

I've never done Nano Nano and don't really want to. But, as it's about half over for this year, I do have a special message for those of you who are hard at it.