Dwayne’s Comments (group member since Apr 01, 2017)

Dwayne’s comments from the Support for Indie Authors group.

J. wrote: "The one thing I still think it lacks are clearly defined stakes. If he goes back he'll essentially be going back to an abusive relationship, but in the book I slowly (sort of) build up to the fact that he's in an abusive relationship because he's totally oblivious to it."

This new blurb is much better. It's tighter and gets to the point faster. I do agree, though, I would like to see a little hint of what's really at stake here. I get the vague idea that the girlfriend could be obsessed, possessive, etc. Is that enough? It wouldn't hurt to at least let us get a glimpse of the abuse he's suffered. This is what I think is toughest about blurbs... giving away enough of the story to get people interested without giving up too many secrets.

I'll try. I tend not to have a lot of time for Goodreads during the work week, but try to check in now and then. If you post later tonight, I should have time to check it out. (This is assuming you're in roughly the same time zone as me - I'm in central).

There's no hard and fast rule for how long a blurb should be. Some sources will encourage shorter ones and I have seen some sources say they should be over two hundred words. Most sources seem to encourage keeping them around a hundred to one hundred fifty, though. Often times what you want to put out there about your book will play a factor in how long the blurb should be. You don't seem to want us to have a great deal of detail on what is going to happen, and that's fine, but it warrants a shorter blurb.

You can actually list it under two categories. You could choose "romance" as one and "adventure" for the other, then use the keywords to fine tune it a bit more.

I tend to write this way, too, with a lot of repetition. Then I clean it up in the editing phase. Some in your writing is great, even fine. In a blurb, you want to get to the point quickly.

I do like the blurb and it sounds like an interesting story. It is a bit long for all you're really telling us, though. Andy is running away, he wants a new life, his girlfriend is watching him, she's going to track him down. That's really all we know by the end of the blurb.

When I read the first paragraph, I feel a little frustrated by the end. I get it. He's leaving. What else is going on?

By the third paragraph I feel like I know what the story is going to be, at least enough to be interested. Then the blurb continues.

It's a good blurb. Don't get me wrong. It's just a bit wordy and once the point has been made, it keeps making it. I agree with M.L. The word "know" gets overplayed. It's usually recommended a blurb be around a hundred to one hundred fifty words. You have over two hundred. There's lots of trimming room. Tighten it up and I think you'll have a great blurb.

Yes. They both work pretty well. I am intrigued by the notion that they keep waking up together and in the second I get a better sense that there's nothing romantic between them at the start of the book, which makes the idea of them magically being drawn to bed together as they sleep even more interesting.

Only a few minor suggestions. "Criminal underworld" feels pretty vague. Could you be more specific? Maybe cut a word or two after "Exploring..." The list kind of slows the blurb down. How about "Exploring crypts and castles in search of..." Shorter it reads better and the alliteration with the crisp 'c' sound keeps it snappy. Let the reader find out about the palaces and cathedrals later. Not fond of the word "mysterious" being repeated in the first paragraph of the second blurb.

All in all, I do think that second blurb is the better. With a little fine tuning, it would be fantastic.

I reposted your image a bit larger. The tiny version is really tough to see.

I really like the cover. I don't think it's your problem. I read over the blurb and from what I'm taking from it, this sounds like literary fiction, contemporary fiction, or general fiction. All three is even possible. This is the stuff I often write, too, and trust me it's not easy to get attention to your work. Add to this, this is your first published work and you just published it a couple of weeks ago. It's going to take time, possibly a lot of time, to get any traction with this.

Could you do a better cover? Probably. Though this one is pretty great as it is. Would a better cover help you at all? Possibly. I wouldn't count on it. Your best plan of attack is have some patience and write a few more books or maybe some short stories. It will take time. Eventually, you should start getting some attention.

John wrote: "Quite a few unnecessary words."

Yes, John, you did waste a few words. Please read the top of the thread. This is merely for fun, not for critiques. I didn't ask for a critique and if you notice, I did mark it as a "work in progress", meaning I know it's not perfect.

There is a group called Beta Reader Group. Since I can't post a link, you could go into my profile and look through the groups I'm in. It's generally near the top. I haven't had much luck in it, but maybe it would work for you.

From my work in progress, FairyTale Village:

Hannah watched and felt sweat dampening every part of her body. She trembled, unable to take her eyes from the dancing harlequin, transfixed by its spell; terrified of its horrible, pleasant face. It drew near and Hannah tried to raise her axe, finding her frozen arms would not obey her commands. Beside her Mickey was breathing hard through her nose, though not so terrified she couldn’t move. She raised her bow and arrow and took aim.

“Who are you?” Mickey demanded. “Tell us or I’ll put this through your neck.” A moment later, she whispered to Hannah. “I’m not really going to kill him. I’m trying to scare him.”

Hannah found it impossible to respond in any way.

The clown danced with wild abandon, coming closer, its grin growing wider.

“I’m serious, motherfucker. I eat clowns for breakfast and shit out their grease paint,” Mickey said. Had Hannah not still been immobile in terror, she would have laughed at that. “This is your final warning,” Mickey said in a shaking voice.

Ross wrote: "...Upon receiving the second message, I sent them a copy of my entire first novella...In PDF format. So, here's my question: Can and/or will they try to steal my book or any portion of it? And if they do, is there anything I can do to stop them?"

Hey Ross,

I'm going to delete your message, due to the posting of others' email addresses. Even though I'm certain they are scam artists, I don't feel good about leaving their email addresses here.

Messages like this have been discussed in this forum several times. Here's what I believe to be the latest thread on the topic:

https://www.goodreads.com/topic/show/...

I'd recommend that you don't send any more copies of your books to reviewers or any other person who messages you out of the blue feigning interest in your work. Most often, it's a scam. If you have already published your book and have a copyright on it, and you find that someone else publishes it, you can order them to remove it.

Rita wrote: "I've had the same problem - reviews rejected because I haven't spent $50. If you buy something that should automatically give you the right to review it!"

You can. You can review on Goodreads. There may be other book review sites. I'm not sure. You could set up a blog and do book reviews or do YouTube videos of book review or review it on Facebook, etc. No one is stopping you from reviewing a book.

Amazon wants honest, quality reviews. They do what they can to steer clear of people posting phony reviews. When it comes to books, again the sad news is we Indies have shot ourselves in the foot over this by not following the guidelines, so they've had to make things tougher. It's their web site. It's their reputation. They have the right to decide who can and who cannot leave reviews, not you.

Just happened to notice this morning all my review numbers have returned to their previous state. So, whatever was going on seems to be worked out, now.

Comment deleted. No self-promotion. No links.

Feedback as I read each paragraph:

At birth, Stone’s right hand was the most obvious sign he also carried the Black Dragon’s Curse. At first glance, people thought his fingers were abnormally long. Then they realized that the palm of his hand was half the normal size. The metacarpal bones normally found inside the palm were part of Stone’s fingers rather than inside his palm.

Great. A novel about an abnormal hand. I can't say I'm excited as I don't know what this has to do with anything. I assume the Black Dragon Curse is supposed to mean something, but I don't know what.

Dragons have returned to Narow and magic returned with them.

Why is this significant? I don't know who or what Narow is. I don't know why the dragons left. I don't know where the magic went. I don't know why I should care that they all came back.

The Followers of Washaii had 850 years to prepare humans for the return of dragons. Their mission was to control magic and ensure humans and dragons would live together in peace.

Well, that's nice.

Who were the Chosen and why had they spent the last 850 years trying to make sure that the Followers of Washaii failed?

Having no clue what Washaii is, I'm stumped. Why are you asking me who the Chosen are? The only answer I have is they are the ones who spent 850 making sure the Followers of Washaii fail. I don't know what that means, though.

Washaii had promised dragons a Protector. Was Kel their Protector? If he was, why did the Black Dragon want to Kill him?

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Who is Kel? Who is Black Dragon? I feel like I'm supposed to know all this stuff already, but I don't.

If Kel was not the Protector of Dragons then who was?

Who cares?

Seriously, I feel frustrated with this blurb. It's written as if I already know the history of your book. I don't. I'm looking for a plot and a character to care about. I'm not seeing it, other than dragons have showed up and some people want peace and some people don't. And there's somebody with a deformed hand and someone who may or may not be protecting the dragons. Don't expect the reader to already know your book well enough that the questions you're posing will have any meaning to them.

You will likely snare some readers by just saying, "There's dragons in this book. And magic." But, people looking for a story or characters to get interested in will need more.

Karla wrote: "Doesn't seem fair!"

The way authors (usually Indies) gamed the system in the past, I'd say all the changes they made are very fair. Amazon wants to do what they can to make sure the reviews are as honest and unbiased as can be. Really, it's in our best interest, anyway. Savvy readers can tell a bogus review a mile away. So, whatever it takes to be sure our reviews are the best they can be is fine with me.

William wrote: "The thing I don't swallow easily is that I can read some bestselling author works, and they are just horrible, or boring at least."

When a book is not to the taste of one individual reader, it doesn't mean it doesn't deserve to be a best seller. You might think it's a horrible or boring book, but obviously most people don't. Try to keep this in mind if you become a best seller and someone says your book is horrible. They are only right - for themselves.

Tomas wrote: "If we ever make a collection of honestly pragmatic quotes from this group, this should get there :D"

The irony is, I can't respond to that completely honestly without breaking the rules of the group. So, I'll thank you and maybe later give you a response in the hideout.

Yes, we mods have a hideout.

It's full of ferns and flamethrowers and plenty of vodka for Ann.

Jude wrote: "Amazon has a mind of its own - I find it constantly bewildering ...changes things without informing us too."

As long as they continue to allow me to upload my dumb stories and sell them, they can do pretty much whatever they want and it won't bother me. Even if they did notify me every time they made small changes, I probably wouldn't pay attention to it.