Orinoco Womble (tidy bag and all)’s Comments (group member since Sep 20, 2013)

Orinoco Womble (tidy bag and all)’s comments from the Net Work Book Club group.

If she's a pole dancer, does that make her kebab around?

He would even eat ground Chuck...ask Charlie Brown if you don't believe me. The Peanuts gang went to the zoo and the lion started with Chuck steak and ended the meal with a little Peppermint Patty.

Questions from the job interview at the zoo:

1. Do you have the necessary koala-fications?

2. Your koala-fications are irrelephant.

mrbooks wrote: "No I scrambled his wits until he fell on the ground laughing so hard but I had to run away as the kings horses and men were after me..."

They were just egging you on!

Eggs laugh - if you boil them too hard - they knock together
it cracks them up

Heisenberg, Schrodinger and Ohm are driving in a car. They get pulled over.
.
Heisenberg is driving, so the cop asks him, “Do you know how fast you were going?”
.
“No, but I know exactly where I am,” Heisenberg replies.
.
The cop says, “You were doing 55 in a 35.”
.
Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts, “Great! Now I’m lost!”
.
The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him to pop open the trunk. He checks it out and says, “Do you know you have a dead cat back here?”
.
“We do now, idiot!” shouts Schrodinger.
.
The cop moves to arrest them. Ohm resists.
(Rumor has it that Ohm just wants to reduce such strong charges. The whole thing is likely to end up in circuit court.)

"Marry me, honeydew!"

My hubby lost his hair way before we married. He said he started to lose it when he did his military service. I always tell him he's sexier topless!

A new study has shown that married people live longer. Or does it just seem that way?

You know why you should never clean your watch in the kitchen?
Because you'll get ticks all over the table!

Yes, I know it's so old no one understands that clocks could once be cleaned and oiled. And had a soothing tick, not the metallic "bang-bang-bang" of battery-operated clocks.

I'm back in Austen mode...Something happened here the other day and I pursed my lips and murmured: "Well, that's singularly unhelpful!"

My memory doesn't work very well...but at least the ones y'all bring up are pleasant!!

mrbooks wrote: "How do you confuse a werewolf and stop him from attacking?

Throw a stick and say fetch"

This reminds me of a real incident. One day my husband had an earache, and by about 3 AM he was desperate. Rather than wake me, he rang the local clinic to see if he could go round to the night locum. As he told me later, he "got some woman" who kept asking him what the problem was, instead of answering his questions. Finally, frustrated and in pain, he snapped, "Well you see it's a full moon tonight, and I'm turning into a werewolf!" She put him on hold for nearly two minutes, then told him to come round. He did, and got some help.

He told me this story the next morning and I reminded him that the night-duty probably doesn't have a phone-answerer; he was probably talking to a doctor at the time! I imagine she put him on hold either because she was laughing uncontrollably, or because she was wondering whether to send round the man with the straightjacket!

Halloween IMO is one of the silliest "holidays" on record, but here a couple of silly jokes:

Why are graves so noisy?
Because of the coffin.

Why did the skeleton just lie in its grave?
Because it was a lazybones.

Roy Clarke!! That's it!
No DVDs, just a semi-eidetic memory for film and books.

Not to mention the thing they used to do at odd moments: Buck Owens and the two other main guys (what was his name, the one with curly black hair?) "eefing." "Eeef, ayff, ah-ah-ah" while one of them played the spoons and the other patted out a rhythm on his thigh.

I grew up in Iowa and nobody, but noooobody, admitted to enjoying Hee Haw...and yet everybody watched it!! Whenever I get to feeling sorry for myself and want to stop, I sing the other little tune:

Gloom, despair, and agony on me
Deep dark depression, excessive misery.
If it weren't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all,
Gloom, despair and agony on me.

That always makes me laugh at myself.

Reminds me of the old bit from the Hee Haw show:

"Now we're not ones to go round spreadin' rumours
Why really, we're just not the gossipin' kind.
No you'll never hear one of us repeating gossip
So you better be sure to listen close the first time!"

And also, the kind of person who says, "Now if you tell her I said this, I'll deny it, but..."

!!!

That must be it. I am an avid watcher of Animal Planet's "Animal Cops" show and I have to say I've noticed that some of the officers seem to feel the need to use such highflown language. A normal person would say, "We're going to go over to the property and see what's really going on," but some seem to feel the need to say, "We're going to make the location and ascertain if events correspond to the report."

"Make the location?" You mean you're going to build one? LOL

Atop. Particularly when some twee person spells it "a-top." In a published book, yet.
On top, certainly. Over. Upon, even. But spare me "a-top."