Poor Decisions to Make During Finals Week (aka Hell Week)

#badlifechoices

That���s me.

So right now, University of Chicago students are having finals. And let me tell you, it���s been awful.��Writing bullshit�� papers last minute, studying for a math final and wishing that you went to class/didn’t copy homework problems mindlessly/looked at notes/paid attention to the professor’s lectures instead of playing Candy Crush during the last few weeks…

Yeah, kids, don’t be like me.

(How have I not flunked out of college yet?)

1.) Drinking hard cider at three in the afternoon and hanging out in your friends’ apartment until 11 at night:

Major confession time – I have developed a minor alcoholism (an oxymoron?) problem at college. I don’t get shit-faced every night or even every week, but I do drink to forget about shit and to calm my social anxiety (which are definitely not good reasons to drink). And I have gotten so drunk that I puked on myself and have gotten drunk on a Wednesday night.

Fortunately, these past few weeks, I haven’t been partying, so alcohol hasn’t been as much of a problem. But I did hard cider on Thursday at three in the afternoon (hey, it’s got to be 5 o’clock somewhere, right?) when I had a paper due on Friday at 5 pm.

Bad decision, man.

The hard cider wasn’t enough to get me drunk, but it didn’t help me write my paper, that’s for sure.

And hanging out with my friends until 11 definitely didn’t help me write my paper.

I don’t regret hanging out with my friends, but man, my paper was SHIT.

But I did refuse an offer from my friend to smoke weed! See, I have SOME self control.

2.) Eating…a lot. And eating a lot of unhealthy food:

CALORIES DON’T COUNT DURING FINALS WEEK, OKAY?

Okay, that’s a lie, but seriously, I need food during these rough times.

But I shouldn’t be eating (four!) brownies, pie, cookies, fried stuff, ice cream, and…

You get the picture.

Jesus, I’m going to clog my arteries.

Oh well. My math final might kill me first anyway.

3.) Wasting time on the internet instead of studying:

Seriously, without the Internet, I would be so much more productive. Instead of writing my paper or studying for math, I literally spent hours watching Soviet cartoons like Winnie the Pooh (which I have to say is pretty fucking adorable), Hedgehog in the Fog (which is creepy as fuck, man), etc.

I also spent a lot of time reading erotica. God, I didn’t know beef bus could be an euphemism for penis and tuna town��for vagina.

And I spent SOOOO much time (serious TMI alert) watching porn and using my vibrator.

Hey, it’s been a long winter, man.

And blogging instead of studying…seriously bad decision.