Awkward Interactions with a Hot Guy

This winter quarter has been long. And the weather has made me SUPER hungry for a warm body (i.e., I’ve been really horny).

It doesn’t help when there is a hot guy in my social science class.

And it definitely doesn’t help when the hot guy resembles DB (aka Douche Bag who I’m still a little obsessed with. However, the obsession has definitely gotten less intense. I think I actually might be getting over him. I recently looked at his Facebook profile and thought, “Uggggh.” And not “Uggggh, why am I attracted to him?” Just plain “Uggggh”).

Unfortunately, my waning obsession with DB means my obsession with DB’s doppelganger has gotten SOOO much worse. I’ve been staring at him during class a lot more (hey, I need some way to stay awake during discussions of Locke and Hobbes!), and I’m fairly certain he has caught me looking at him a few times.

God, sometimes, I feel like I’m a female, non-badass, non-immortal Edward Cullen.

Worse, I tried talking to him. Let me tell you, it was a spectacular failure.

Initially, I tried bumping into him accidentally-on-purpose. But I waited too long and lost my nerve and just ended up walking next to him. A few seconds of silence passed before he gave me a weird look.

Then I asked:

“Uh, what did you think of the class?”

Yeah, kids, do not take flirting tips from me.

Then he said stuff and I could not pay attention to what he was saying or be articulate AT ALL because I was so focused on how hot he was.

Mercifully, the painful conversation only lasted for, like, two minutes because he ran walked away from me.

A few days later, I embarrassed myself even more.

I was talking to a friend at the dining hall about how horny I was and how I really wanted to have sex with the hot guy from my social science class. Then a few minutes later, said hot guy walked into the dining hall.

Me to my friend: “Oh my God, he’s here.”

My friend: “Where?” My friend looked for a few seconds, failing to find HG (hot guy), until I pointed at HG.

(Note: WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?)

Of course HG caught me pointing at him. When my friend told me, I dissolved into laughter along with my friend.

Then my friend told me HG was watching us and laughing to himself.

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHY AM I SO PAINFULLY AWKWARD?

Sometimes, I feel like my life is a bad sitcom and I’m the socially awkward, boy-crazy main character.

After my most recent social science class, HG ran walked out of the classroom faster than usual.

Not that I can blame him. I creep myself out with my lust.

UGGGGH.

Sometimes, I feel like I’m destined to die alone.