Leaving is Not an Option

"Leaving is NOT an option." 

These are the words my ex-boyfriend repeated to me from the very beginning of our relationship.

He was on a mission from the very start to instill in me and program me to think in a way where even my friends and family would not be able to coax me away from him once his mask would crack. And he was experienced to know, no matter how HARD he would try, his mask would eventually crack, because it always did.

 Mental and emotional issues can never be hidden more than a few months. The truth always comes out. I should have seen the red flags then, but never being exposed to someone as conniving and sneaky as him, I was an innocent pawn in his games of lies and deceit. I never stood a chance.  

After only a few weeks together, one of his ex-girlfriends hit me up on Facebook and told me he had cheated on her with me. About a week later, another ex-girlfriend of his messaged me on Facebook and told me the same thing. Then a few months later, another ex-girlfriend told
one of my friends that he had cheated on her with me.  

RED FLAGS ALL OVER THE PLACE!!!!  

So, why did I stay?

I’m sure you’re asking yourself this question.

Here’s the short answer and then I’ll get into the details.

My ex is a psychopath!

What does that mean? Well, there’s a lot of buzz going around about narcissists these days. Scroll any social media site and you will come across numerous posts about the severe damage a narcissist can do to another person. What’s the difference between a narcissist and a psychopath? Just add VIOLENCE! Narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths are very much the same. Calculated, manipulative and controlling. BUT … the psychopath has a much more destructive and dangerous element to him because he is also VIOLENT!  





I’m going to touch on some of the things he did to me psychologically before I reveal the physical abuse, because psychopaths inflict the psychological abuse FIRST in order to keep you “trapped” and “brainwashed” so you don’t leave once they start the physical abuse.  

Remember, “Leaving is not an option!” He also grilled it into my head that only weak people give up on relationships. He would tell me how he was always the “hero” and “winner” of all his relationships because he was the only one strong enough to “not give up.”  

“I always stay longer than I should, but when I’m done, I’m done.” He must have repeated those words to me over a hundred times in the year we were together. Of course, in the beginning, I had no idea what kind of sick, manipulative meaning those words really had. He was trying to paint a pretty picture of himself in an attempt to conceal the “BEAST” lurking inside.  

Brainwashing statement: “I always stay longer than I should, but when I’m done, I’m done.”

True meaning: "I attempt to control and manipulate you until I can no longer keep my mask from cracking. I push you to the limits of insanity, and then, when I have completely destroyed our relationship, I have to check-out because it no longer serves me.  You hate me now and I can no longer receive from you what I need, which is attention. Once that’s done … I’m done!"  





I learned all this the hard way. I had to endure so much abuse before I realized what was happening to me. What he was doing to me. Don’t ever think you can outsmart, or out-do, a narcissist, because you CAN NOT!!!! Trust me! They are way too evil for the average, ordinary person. They are evilly skilled beyond anything your innocent, ordinary mind can imagine.

My ex-boyfriend knows from the beginning that he has to program women in order for them to stay with him for any significant amount of time. Otherwise, they wouldn’t want him. He’s got it down. All narcissists/psychopaths do.

They are MASTER MANIPULATORS! You’re no match for them.  

Things I learned about narcistic behavior from my sick ex:

Things he falsely accused me of were accurate descriptions of himself.

He would push me to the breaking point with relentless emotional and physical abuse until I would snap and then he’d delight in the fact that my reaction to such toxicity was “unhinged” and he’d make himself look like the victim in order to justify his despicable behavior.

He’d immediately pick up the phone and call his mommy, or his friends, and describe my “reaction” to his abuse, instead of what he’d done to me to make me react the way that I did. All the while making himself out as the victim.  

LADIES …. This is the WEAKEST man out there! Men don’t come WEAKER than this COWARD!  






Women want a strong man . Why? Because we are STRONG!

So to be with such a weak coward is humiliating.  

Narcissists/psychopaths do NOT pick women who are losers. They target the best of the best. The strongest. The smartest. The most capable. The ones who surpass their own level. So keep this in mind. You’re better than they are. You’re smarter than they are. You’re more capable than they are. You’re a survivor, and they know it. They need you!!!! NOT the other way around!  
 
Phase One of a Narcissit/Psychopath: Charming beyond belief. Working hard to convince you that you each have everything in common. This is the stage where they start to program you.

Phase Two: Their mask starts to crack a bit, and there’s nothing they can do about it. They have no control over their instantaneous behavior so they have to start blaming the victims for the toxicity in the relationship. If not, they’ll be found out.  

Phase three: They have completely destroyed the relationship beyond repair. Now, total blame has to go to the victim, so they shut up! That’s right. They create the toxicity and fights, chaos and drama in the relationship until it’s completely destroyed. Then they go silent. They give the silent treatment knowing it will drive their victim mad. That way they can push all the blame onto the victim.  

They’ll say, “I just sat there not talking. I didn’t say a thing. You were the one going crazy and yelling at me. I was just sitting there quiet letting you be crazy, hoping you would stop. Didn’t you see me not participating? I was trying to make peace by not engaging.”  

This is another calculated move!!! 





Once the relationship gets to this destructive point, the narc/psycho pretends to “back down” and puts himself into the victim role, because he now knows he’s destroyed, not only the relationship, but YOU! Yes, he’s very much aware at this point that he’s destroyed YOU as a person, friend, lover.  

I’ll never forget one night when I overheard him talking on the phone to his mother (who is the person he ran to constantly. Why? Because men like this are WEAK. They cling to anyone, ANYONE, who will be on their side) and I heard his mother say, “I don’t know what you’ve done to her, but you need to get your s*it together and start over.”  
I was floored!!!
 
First of all, that comment revealed she was very much aware of his abuse to other women, yet didn’t care.

Secondly, she was advising him to “throw away the women you’ve damaged, because it’s beyond repair now and move on to a new victim.”

SICK! 





See the game yet?

Only an extremely TOXIC person could even think this way. Normal people can’t even fathom this type of thinking, or reality, and that’s why we’re no match for them.

We can’t beat them because we are nowhere near as sick as them.
 
Accept that the narcissist/psychopath will win, because you really don’t have a choice. REJOICE that they got the victory. That sounds crazy, right? Here’s why you need to rejoice. It doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you’re NORMAL!

It means they're evil and you’re NOT.

It means they are PREDATORS and you are INNOCENT.

They win because they use evil to cheat.  

"Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." Romans 5: 3-5.

Be proud you didn’t need to lie, deceive, slander or cheat your way to victory. Because in the end, it NEVER matters what man believes. It ONLY matters what GOD believes. And trust me, GOD knows the TRUTH and will judge and punish according to the FACTS!  

God has seen every evil thought my ex-boyfriend has had toward me and every other woman. God has seen his sick and abusive behavior. He aims to destroy others and is VERY good at it. God knows his EVIL HEART and already has a plan set up to stop him!  

Keep this in mind (and run as fast as you can and as far away as you can): Someone who uses your anger against you when your anger is a justified reaction due to their abusive behavior is an evil, manipulative, sneaky, controlling man who is ABUSING YOU!!!!  

Get help immediately!  

And never forget:
The fact you stayed loyal to the truth shows how much STRONGER YOU ARE than your abuser could ever hope to be!  

YOU WIN!!!!!   
 





*This is Part One of a blog series I’m working on.  

Part Two “Domestic Violence” will discuss physical abuse and I will post pictures and details of my court case with my abuser.  

**If you are being abused, please seek help immediately.
Call The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-SAFE (7233)