Do I Stay or Do I run? Focusing on the Positive When Life is Full of Negatives

When everything is going wrong in my life, the last thing I want to hear someone say is “Just don’t think about it. Focus on the good things in your life.” This makes me want to punch them in the mouth! I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. Everything is crashing down around me, and I’m supposed to ignore it and just “focus on the good things?” This statement could possibly make me homicidal.

That being said, I see the truth in it. The truth being that Scripture instructs us to do exactly that: to focus on the positive things in our lives.

The apostle Paul’s letter to the Philippians speaks about joy in every chapter. In fact, it was the most positive of all his letters, yet it was written while he was imprisoned and he knew the end was near. IMPRISONED, people!

I might be overwhelmed in guilt right now. How dare I piss and moan about my struggles in life while Paul practices positivity and joyfulness knowing his execution isn’t far off. I’m despicable!

“… whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things,” Paul writes while chained to a Roman guard. (Phil. 4:8)

In other words, keep your mind off the execution that is sure to come and instead think on lovely thoughts. Somebody, slap me!





I want to talk about dwelling on the past and I want to do it as succinct as possible, because I could really go on and on about this … for days, even. I become obsessed that way.  
 
Okay, lets get started. There are two mistakes we make when it comes to the past. The first is getting caught up in it and not being able to let go. The second is running from it without ever having dealt with it. I fall into the latter category.

I’m a runner! What I don’t face, I don’t feel. I have the miraculous ability to get over a situation (even a tragedy) in a mere few days, or a couple of weeks, because I immediately MOVE ON. The problem is, I move on without ever dealing with it. This could cause it to resurface later in life and maybe even cause irreparable damage, especially in relationships.

I never got to fully grieve after my dad passed away, because three months later my husband had an affair and I had to deal with that instead. I remember speaking on the phone with a friend, informing him about the decisions I was having to make for my future. “I have a new life with new adventures awaiting me” I explained. He said, “Uh, hon, I think you may have skipped over a few steps of the grieving process. You seem to have gone from step one to step five.”

I thought it over for a minute and then decided: No, I’m good!

No, I wasn’t. I was running from tragedy and continued to run until just recently. I justified this behavior by telling myself the only other option I had was to let what happened to me consume me. But that’s not true. There is a happy medium. We can face our mistakes, troubles, and problems in life without allowing them to overcome us.



Paul had the right idea. Accept what’s happening, but look forward. Deal with what’s going on around you, but move onward. Don’t stop, but don’t run.

Don’t linger in your suffering, but don’t rush through it to where it never gets processed.
You can still be joyful even when life is throwing you one curve ball after another. I saw this quote by Dale Carnegie the other day: “Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage.”



ACTION is what will get you from dreaming of freedom to walking in freedom. There will always be mistakes and failures in life. But think about this: Without a FAILURE there can be no VICTORY. So don’t be discouraged over your past.

If you need hope, look to God. He is HOPE! God will use what happened TO you FOR you! He will cause a shift so that it will work for your benefit. He will use it to strengthen you and bring you into your purpose. Blessings WILL come out of it.





What has helped me in my healing process:

Acceptance – Accept what has happened to you knowing it is out of your power to change it. You have no choice but to move on, so you might as well do it “joyfully,” as Paul instructs.
 
Control – You may not have control over a situation, but God does. Go to Him in prayer and ask Him to help you. God heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds. (Psalm 147:2)

Moving On – There will always be BETTER things/times ahead. I’ve learned what bothers me today I won’t even care about in a few days, or a few weeks, from now. When I think about that, I feel a relief come over me and I remind myself this place of darkness is TEMPORARY!

God Makes a Way – God will make a way for you, even through the wilderness, but He requires that you NEVER GIVE UP. Nothing is impossible no matter how impossible it may seem. That’s because “All things are possible with God,” said Jesus! (Matt. 19:26) God is omnipotent. We never have to give up, because God has already made a way for us.
 
Sharing – Share your messy life with others. Your mess becomes your MESSAGE, which God wants you to use to help others who are going through the same thing. I’m shocked at all the messages I’ve received over the past year-and-a-half from other people who have gone through heartache, especially since I was never public about my divorce or what happened. I kept it private. Some of these women I don’t even know well. They follow me on social media and were able to put two-and-two together and wanted to know how this crazy broad has gotten through it and is living a happy and prosperous life.

Ha! There’s the delusion of social media. Playing tricks on your eyes and plucking at your heartstrings. My life is not always happy and it’s not always prosperous. It’s been a struggle, to say the least, but I stay hopeful because I know God is making a way! There’s still good days and bad days, but life marches on.







If there is ANYONE who wants to unload, ask questions, or just share what’s happened to them, you can message me anytime. I would be more than happy to talk with you. In fact, I look forward to it and welcome it with every ounce of my being.  

I’m going to leave you with two things I want you to practice on a daily basis:
Don’t worry about anything. Instead, pray about everything. Tell God what it is you need and thank Him for all He has done. (Phil. 4:6) This causes miracles to happen.Worship, worship, worship! The best antidote for worry is WORSHIP.   



With love,
Your sister in Christ
XOXO