How Divorce Has Changed Me
I don’t know if you all watch The Bachelorette (I usually DON’T, but somehow got reeled in this season … my bad!), but this go around with Hannah was quite a shocker! She allowed Luke P. to stick around WAAAYY too long, then sent home two really great guys, just to end up with a cheat!! This might be the story of my life (eye roll). And after all that drama and heartache, Hannah didn’t regret a thing because of the way this experience has CHANGED her. It made her a stronger and more confident person. She loves who she is now because of it.
She kind of reminds me of myself in that I always seem to pick the WRONG guys while allowing the RIGHT guys to slip through my fingers. Also, like her, I have emerged from my break-up a much different person. I’m definitely not the same woman I was going in as coming out.
I’m stronger, wiser, more confident, and bolder than ever before in all areas of my life. I truly know what I want and I’m not willing to settle for less. I saw a quote from Keanu Reeves the other day that really hit home with me. In fact, I posted it on my Facebook timeline. It reads “At this point in my life, I catch one wrong vibe … I’m out!”
Since I’ve been single again, I can honestly say I WATCH EVERYTHING the other person is doing. If I have an interest in a man, I really dig deep to find out his motives. What’s his track record with other women? How does he treat people? What does he want out of life?
How about his moral character?! For me, character is most important. Psychologist Lawrence Pervin defines moral character as “a disposition to express behavior in consistent patterns of functions across a range of situations.”
If a guy is sleeping with his ex-girlfriend’s friend just for a roll in the sack every now and then, he’s not for me. If he’s using his large salary to try and impress me or gain my interest, he’s not for me. If he’s married or committed to another woman … guess what? … he’s not for me! (That last one should be a given, but you’d be surprised, or not.)
One guy who was interested in taking me out had the audacity to tell me “You’re too picky” when I wasn’t interested in him. You’re damn straight I am! Sorry, not sorry! I have the right to be picky. I’ve earned it!
In fact, the dictionary defines wisdom as:
the quality of having experience, knowledge, and good judgment; the quality of being wise.the soundness of an action or decision with regard to the application of experience, knowledge, and good judgment. Oh, my goodness! Does that read “good judgement?” That may be something some men don’t want us to partake in.
Anyone who tries to convince you that you’re too picky is someone who knows they can’t live up to your expectations, so they want to guilt you into lowering them.
There are a set of standards I hold a man to, because I’m at a point in my life where I don’t have the time or the patience for anything less than what I deserve in a partner. I’m no longer willing to settle for someone who has potential. Either they’re grown up, or they’re not. It’s that simple. It’s not my job, or yours, to “fix” a man.
I love this quote by Julia Roberts: “Women, you are not rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix him, change him, parent him, or raise him. You want a partner, not a project.”
Most of you know I’m from Texas, but I was married and living in a different state for over ten years. After coming back to San Antonio as a single woman, the men were plentiful (wink!). My phone was bombarded with calls, texts, and messages all hours of the day and night. Although the opportunity was certainly there, I have NOT dated a single guy. Why? Because I haven’t found the right one and I refuse to settle for anything less.
Recently, I heard the Lord speak to me. He revealed that I would not have to chase the right man. He told me I’ll know who he is because “the right one will be the one to pursue you. You’ll never have to chase after My blessings for your life.”
At the time, there was someone I was very interested in and I was pursuing him, but once the Lord revealed this to me, I held back and this guy did not pursue me the way the Lord had said he should. So I moved on.
If you have to chase someone then they don’t want to be with you. Use this time, instead, to chase personal growth, find out who you are and what you want, not only in a partner, but in life itself.
Like Hannah, I’m not in a place where I need a man, but I want a man, eventually. There’s a big difference. But for now, I’m good on my own. I’m rediscovering ME and for the first time in eleven years, I have the freedom to do ANYTHING in life. I can go ANYWHERE and do whatever I want and that feels GREAT!
It’s a freedom I don’t think I’ve ever experienced before. I have the opportunity to live for ME for the first time in my life and I’m going to enjoy every minute of it.
IF the RIGHT man comes along during my journey, and pursues me the way God told me he should (and I do have details), I will definitely take note and see where it leads. But until then, I’m living for ME with my focus on God’s purpose for my life and where He’s leading me.
I guess you could say the ONLY love in my life is Jesus, and I am soooo good with that!!!
If you’re going through a difficult breakup, or have been through one recently, decide to sit back and have peace, living for today and enjoying the journey God has you on right now!
There are times in life when God wants you all to Himself. He wants to shut down the distraction and clutter relationships can cause, because He’s not finished working in you yet!
She kind of reminds me of myself in that I always seem to pick the WRONG guys while allowing the RIGHT guys to slip through my fingers. Also, like her, I have emerged from my break-up a much different person. I’m definitely not the same woman I was going in as coming out.
I’m stronger, wiser, more confident, and bolder than ever before in all areas of my life. I truly know what I want and I’m not willing to settle for less. I saw a quote from Keanu Reeves the other day that really hit home with me. In fact, I posted it on my Facebook timeline. It reads “At this point in my life, I catch one wrong vibe … I’m out!”
Since I’ve been single again, I can honestly say I WATCH EVERYTHING the other person is doing. If I have an interest in a man, I really dig deep to find out his motives. What’s his track record with other women? How does he treat people? What does he want out of life?
How about his moral character?! For me, character is most important. Psychologist Lawrence Pervin defines moral character as “a disposition to express behavior in consistent patterns of functions across a range of situations.”
If a guy is sleeping with his ex-girlfriend’s friend just for a roll in the sack every now and then, he’s not for me. If he’s using his large salary to try and impress me or gain my interest, he’s not for me. If he’s married or committed to another woman … guess what? … he’s not for me! (That last one should be a given, but you’d be surprised, or not.)
One guy who was interested in taking me out had the audacity to tell me “You’re too picky” when I wasn’t interested in him. You’re damn straight I am! Sorry, not sorry! I have the right to be picky. I’ve earned it!
In fact, the dictionary defines wisdom as:
the quality of having experience, knowledge, and good judgment; the quality of being wise.the soundness of an action or decision with regard to the application of experience, knowledge, and good judgment. Oh, my goodness! Does that read “good judgement?” That may be something some men don’t want us to partake in.
Anyone who tries to convince you that you’re too picky is someone who knows they can’t live up to your expectations, so they want to guilt you into lowering them.
There are a set of standards I hold a man to, because I’m at a point in my life where I don’t have the time or the patience for anything less than what I deserve in a partner. I’m no longer willing to settle for someone who has potential. Either they’re grown up, or they’re not. It’s that simple. It’s not my job, or yours, to “fix” a man.
I love this quote by Julia Roberts: “Women, you are not rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix him, change him, parent him, or raise him. You want a partner, not a project.”
Most of you know I’m from Texas, but I was married and living in a different state for over ten years. After coming back to San Antonio as a single woman, the men were plentiful (wink!). My phone was bombarded with calls, texts, and messages all hours of the day and night. Although the opportunity was certainly there, I have NOT dated a single guy. Why? Because I haven’t found the right one and I refuse to settle for anything less.
Recently, I heard the Lord speak to me. He revealed that I would not have to chase the right man. He told me I’ll know who he is because “the right one will be the one to pursue you. You’ll never have to chase after My blessings for your life.”
At the time, there was someone I was very interested in and I was pursuing him, but once the Lord revealed this to me, I held back and this guy did not pursue me the way the Lord had said he should. So I moved on.
If you have to chase someone then they don’t want to be with you. Use this time, instead, to chase personal growth, find out who you are and what you want, not only in a partner, but in life itself.
Like Hannah, I’m not in a place where I need a man, but I want a man, eventually. There’s a big difference. But for now, I’m good on my own. I’m rediscovering ME and for the first time in eleven years, I have the freedom to do ANYTHING in life. I can go ANYWHERE and do whatever I want and that feels GREAT!
It’s a freedom I don’t think I’ve ever experienced before. I have the opportunity to live for ME for the first time in my life and I’m going to enjoy every minute of it.
IF the RIGHT man comes along during my journey, and pursues me the way God told me he should (and I do have details), I will definitely take note and see where it leads. But until then, I’m living for ME with my focus on God’s purpose for my life and where He’s leading me.
I guess you could say the ONLY love in my life is Jesus, and I am soooo good with that!!!
If you’re going through a difficult breakup, or have been through one recently, decide to sit back and have peace, living for today and enjoying the journey God has you on right now!
There are times in life when God wants you all to Himself. He wants to shut down the distraction and clutter relationships can cause, because He’s not finished working in you yet!
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