Picking up the Pieces When Life happens
I’m just going to cut to
the nitty-gritty, because we as a society today don’t have the patience (or the
stomach) for fluff. In fact, the only fluff I can stomach these days is the
kind that comes on dessert.
So, here’s the dirty
truth! Grab a drink (or a shot, depending on how your day has gone), pull up a
chair and get ready to be entertained!
Here’s what broke me:
My dad died
unexpectantly. A month later a close relative was diagnosed with cancer. A
month after that my husband decided to have an affair with a hideously ugly
woman. Two months later, I left everything I owned and drove to Florida to be
with an ex-boyfriend. (Let me pause for a moment, when God closes a door, peeps,
do not, I repeat, DO NOT reopen it! He closed it for a reason. On the other
side exists HELL!) I was like a machine pumping out one bad decision after
another. I was unstoppable. Somebody needed to pull the plug and save me from
myself!
Feeling trapped and far
from home (oops, wait a minute, I didn’t have a home), and still dealing with
my divorce, I picked up the millions of broken pieces that was my life, and,
begrudgingly, moved back to my hometown of San Antonio. (Not without stopping
in New Orleans first for a drink and some Cajun eats. What can I say, even in
my darkest moments NOLA was calling out to me, enticing me with its voodoo!)
I was a MESS!
I was a BASKETCASE!
I was back in San
Antonio!
Surrounded by friends and family (of whom I desperately needed from the start, but couldn't see the light because of the dark. Oh God, I think I just rhymed), I was going through the healing process. The long arduous task of picking myself up and finding ME again.
Questions I asked myself:
Who the hell am I?
How did I get here?
Where the hell am I going?
And who do I want to be?
I've got this ONE life. There's no escaping it. There's no escaping myself, although God knows I've tried. Some of my prayers sounded like this: God, save me from myself. Remove me from my body and my life and insert me into someone else's. Not just anyone's ol' life, Lord. Someone prettier, stronger, more successful, good taste in clothes and makeup … and skinnier with a high metabolism … skinnier is always good.
When it dawned on me God was not going to grant me this wish, I knew I'd have to fight where I was and make the most of what I had.
The first thing I did was go to work on my body. Isn’t that what we all do, ladies? I’m gonna get me a REVENGE body! How ya like me now? BAM!
I chose the
hardest workout routine I could find (I’m very pleased with my results, by the
way) and started taking a bunch of supplements and vitamins in order to regain
my health and strength.
I also went to work on my
brain! Church, Bible studies and devotionals out the yin-yang. Physical health
is a necessity, but mental and emotional health come first. If your brain isn’t
healthy, your body will be sick. Put that revenge body on hold, if you must,
while you power-up your brain. Your thoughts have got to be in line with God’s
Word or there’s no substance to hold it all together. Faith is KEY!
I was powering through. My friends and family were amazed and filled my ego with such words as these: Wow! You’re a strong woman! You really know how
to bounce back! Look at her go! She doesn’t need a thing! She can do it all on
her own!
Shortly thereafter, the
high wore off and I stumbled a bit, tripped over myself and landed flat on my
arse. Except this time I didn’t want to get up. My pep talks went from “I can
do all things through Christ who strengthens me” to “Screw it, the view’s not
so bad from down here. I kinda like lying in the dirt, picking the bugs from my
hair.”
After wallowing in my
sorrow a bit more, my innermost voice spoke up and yelled “GET UP!” This voice
was no joke. It actually startled me a bit because I knew it was coming from
the heavens. God was done foolin’ around with me. He’d had enough of my
indecision, my ups and downs and my inexplicable ability to be the queen of
excuses.
Sooo, I got up and
started over … again!
Joking aside, God placed me in a period of REST and it wasn’t over until He told me it was over. Every attempt I made to move forward, He blocked me. Now I’m not sure if that’s because I had a talent for bad decision making at this point in my life, or if it’s because He wanted me to stay in the Secret Place under His wings a little longer. But I do know what God says is LAW. You can fight it all you want, but you will lose! I lost! But when He came to me one ordinary Saturday morning and said “Do this.” I moved quickly.
Sometimes I wonder how I’ve gotten
through all this with my sense of humor intact. Honestly, I’ve never considered
myself a funny person … because I’m not. In fact, I’m too damn serious in life.
To tell you the truth, I wish I’d lighten up a bit, gheez! Life would be a
freakin’ bowl of cherries if I’d just be patient enough to chew and spit! The
theatrical aspects of my life are not the result of my sharp wit and vivacity,
but more of my satirical comedy that kind of just spills out of me naturally
and uncontrollably.
I didn’t gain the nickname Goldie
Hawn by accident. But the difference between her and me is that she’s acting
and I’m not. I’m not sure if I should have admitted to that. I’m a goofball and
I thank God every day for that. Sometimes laughing at myself is what gets me
through the tough times in life.
So as I bring this jumbled mess (which is my brain
functioning at optimum level) to a close, I want to leave you with one final
thought to ponder. Not that I’m crazy, we’ve already established that, but that
PAIN causes GROWTH! I’m not the same person coming out of this mess who went
in. I am changed. I am stronger. I am better. I am wiser. And I’ve learned
there’s nothing I can’t do or can’t survive. God is my strength and through
CONSTANT prayer He’s leading me down the path He’s chosen for me.
I would also like to
leave you with this thought. This is for the single men who happen to read my
blog:
I’m available. Did I mention
that? Well, it’s quite obvious by now, I suppose. Although, I don’t hold out
much hope of obtaining a date after publishing this blog. Jaded, I am not.
Determined, I am! And I know somewhere out there is a man who could appreciate
a little Goldie Hawn in his life. Who doesn’t appreciate a wild ride once in a
while? A loose canon to liven things up a bit? A sweet, but psycho chick who
can release you from the mundanity and boredom life can sometimes be?
Call me if you’re
interested!
PS. My revenge body is
coming along nicely! (Wink!)
