Ashe Vernon's Blog, page 169

hello darling, i've been struggling with this weight on my chest: i'm queer, and i'm so happy to have something so beautiful in my life. but i can't tell anyone. my family and friends would reject me. however! i'm about to go to college, and i'm really exc

Hey sunshine! I’m sorry your current situation is such that you have to keep who you are a secret, HOWEVER! College is a beautiful place full of lots of new opportunities and open-minded people who will love you for who you are. My best advice is to be open to the possibilities and know that the friends you make your first week of college are prooobably not the ones you’re going to keep throughout.

[It’s human nature to just sort of … grAB ON to the nearest person when you’re in an unfamiliar situation, and you’ll all get to bond over like WOW, COLLEGE, NEW THINGS, NEW PLACE and then you’ll realize you have virtually nothing in common. That’s okay! They’re there for transitory support and still important, even if you don’t stay in contact]

Don’t worry. You’ve got a great attitude about the whole thing. The supportive environment will follow. It’s on it’s way. You just have to get there.

Ashe...I have been fighting at my depression for so long. I am trying to write about everything that has happened but it all stumbles out in an emotional mess. How do I write beautifully? How can I make the horrible things sound pretty like you and every o

The thing is, the horrible things aren’t pretty. And I think it’s okay if the way you write about them isn’t pretty, either. Depression is twisted and ugly, and what matters is that you write about it in a way that makes sense to you and helps you cope. It doesn’t have to be beautiful. They are your feelings, beautiful or not. And that’s important.

It’s so important.

Someone berated me after reading a period piece I wrote using the word queer (referring to something strange or odd, not anything related to lbtqia matters in this context) telling me to drink bleach and die. I know I shouldn't let it get to me but I reall

Okay so fIRST of all, telling people to go die is despicable, nasty behavior and that person should be ashamed of themselves. SECOND of all, there is literally nothing wrong with using it in the time-period correct context what the hell? Again, this person is RIDICULOUS.

And then, I mean I don’t know how relevant this point is but, THIRD of all–though queer has been used as a slur in the past, and I know there are people from the community who aren’t comfortable with it, there is a HUGE movement towards reclaiming the word (I am part of that movement). Most of the LGBTQA+ people that I know are self-identified as “queer.”

Basically what I’m saying is that A) This person was wrong to criticize you for using the word in it’s non-hateful, original context and also B) the queer community has reclaimed the word and self-identifies with it and the person’s reaction is entirely uncalled for.

I’m sorry that this happened. I know from personal experience just how much that kind of vitriol can sting and how the hurt can be hard to shake off, but i promise you, you did nothing wrong. And like I said, if that person had a problem with the use of the word? They damn well should have gone about it like an adult.

Are u ashe vernon?

I am, indeed!

writingsforwinter:hooliganmagazine:Hooligan Mag issue #10 is...

writingsforwinter:

hooliganmagazine:

Hooligan Mag issue #10 is now live! Featuring Meggie Royer (writingsforwinter) whereareyoupress, and more! Spread the word!

Visit our website at http://hooliganmagazine.com to figure out how you can be featured in Hooligan Mag.

I am on the cover of this wonderful magazine and interviewed inside, check it out!

"This is the first trumpet to sound in an empty concert hall.It’s rain against a window that’s..."

“This is the first trumpet to sound in an empty concert hall.

It’s rain against a window that’s always let a little water in.

This is for the words you wished you could pull back inside you,

but more than that,

it’s for the words you never let out.

.

This is a story of survival.

It is your story,

even when you feel like that word

does not belong to you.

.

This is a love song for your clumsy heart,

and all the times it sank into arms

that were too small for it.

For the mornings when getting out of bed

was the hardest thing you did all day.

This is a ballad of frightened breaths

in a mason jar on the bedside table.

.

I know—

You are not trying to move mountains.

You are not trying to brush shoulders with the universe.

All you want is enough room in your own chest

for a pair of lungs that hasn’t felt like yours in years.

.

So this is a reminder,

that—aside from everything else—

you are still here,

and you are still breathing.

And maybe you don’t always want to be.

And that’s what makes everything you are

so brave.

.

You have a small ocean inside of you;

You have the breath of a country in your lungs;

Your heart beats in time to the turn of the planet,

and you

are a force of nature

simply for making this far.

.

This is an “I love you.”

This is tucking you in at night.

This is a drumbeat, welcoming you home from war.

You are a white-knuckled miracle.

And you don’t have to fight anymore.”

- Survival, by Ashe Vernon

"To whoever loves me next, I’m sorry if I’m afraid of youor if days of flirting turn..."

“To whoever loves me next,

 

I’m sorry if I’m afraid of you

or if days of flirting turn to

radio silence, without warning.

I’m sorry if I make you say the words

over and over and over until I believe them.

(I’m sorry if I don’t believe them.)

I will probably spend more time

worrying about losing you than I spend

trying to keep you. Trouble is,

every single time I’ve ever thought

something was too good to be true–

I’ve been right.

Understand,

I will know how to be vulnerable with you,

but I won’t know how not to regret it.

And I have no idea how deep we’ll be

into this relationship before I admit

I’ve never done this before.

Not really.

Not in any way that counts.

Before I admit that I know

how to put my body inside someone else’s

but not how to make it beautiful.

I probably won’t be easy to love.

Too many people loved me badly,

I’m not sure I know how

to do it right.”

- TO WHOEVER LOVES ME NEXT by Ashe Vernon

I have been strung along by this boy, who was the first person I've ever been in love with, for months. Months ago, he told me he's not looking for a relationship because he's unable to replicate any feelings. Still we kept going - on a casual basis. Thing

Sweetheart, I’m sorry you got your heart broken, and I’m sorry you fell in love with someone who didn’t return your feelings. I know how bad that hurts. But you can’t say he “strung you along” when he was upfront about his intentions from the beginning. He was honest with you. You have a right to feel hurt, but you can’t be angry.

I have been strung along by this boy, who was the first person I've ever been in love with, for months. Months ago, he told me he's not looking for a relationship because he's unable to replicate any feelings. Still we kept going - on a casual basis. Thing

Sweetheart, I’m sorry you got your heart broken, and I’m sorry you fell in love with someone who didn’t return your feelings. I know how bad that hurts. But you can’t say he “strung you along” when he was upfront about his intentions from the beginning. He was honest with you. You have a right to feel hurt, but you can’t be angry.

I have been strung along by this boy, who was the first person I've ever been in love with, for months. Months ago, he told me he's not looking for a relationship because he's unable to replicate any feelings. Still we kept going - on a casual basis. Thing

Sweetheart, I’m sorry you got your heart broken, and I’m sorry you fell in love with someone who didn’t return your feelings. I know how bad that hurts. But you can’t say he “strung you along” when he was upfront about his intentions from the beginning. He was honest with you. You have a right to feel hurt, but you can’t be angry.