Blair Bancroft's Blog, page 50
October 4, 2014
Misused Words
Photo nostalgia - would you believe the solemn "boy" in the middle is the Girl Scout Pageant 1st Runner-up - below?(And thank you, Dr. Seuss!)
Riley, September 2014~ * ~WORDS WE MISUSE - OR SHOULD I SAY, MANGLE?
I wince every time I hear people who should know better - TV news anchors, for example - misuse certain "soundalike" words. I have the same reaction when I read books where authors have put similar errors into print. Yes, we've all had occasions when our brains are thinking one word and our fingers type another, but here we go again, folks. Edit, edit, edit! For a TV announcer the moment is fleeting. For an author those words lie there forever, kicking and screaming against all proper English language usage.
And then, alas, there are the mistakes because the author simply doesn't know any better. Sigh. Those are a lot harder to fix, for the simple reason, no matter how many times you read them, you don't know you've made a mistake. So I jotted down some of the "soundalikes" I see or hear abused most frequently, and then I went through a formal list and picked the ones that jumped out at me as those I've seen misused most in books I've read.
Words most frequently misused:
imminent - something that is about to happen. The storm is imminent.eminent - distinguished. Dr. Elias Swellhead, the eminent professor of physics
here - a geographical location - wherever you are at the momenthear - the physical act of hearing a sound, as in the expression, "Hear, hear," presumed to be a shortening of the ancient town cryer's call, "Hear ye, hear ye."
farther - a measurement of physical distance - an inch, a foot, a mile, etc. New York City is farther from Miami than from Philadelphia.further - distance that cannot be measured in physical inches. He did not pursue his studies any further. John's finished model could not possibly be any further from his original drawing.
it's - if you cannot substitute "it is" for this contraction, then it's wrong! The ONLY time you may use "it's" (with an apostrophe) is when you are saying "it is." It's a beautiful day today.its - this is a possessive. (Referring to a box): I have no idea of its contents. (Referring to the moon): Its surface is sharply clear tonight.
foreword - the introduction to a book, most often a work of non-fictionforward - to move, or look, ahead The soldiers marched forward. Miss Dawes is a remarkably forward-looking teacher.
lay - to put something down Past tense: laidlie - to put yourself down (recline) Past tense: lay* *and therein lies some of the confusion!
Present tense: I lay the book on the table. Past tense: I laid the book on the table.
Present tense: I wanted to lie down, but the dog was in the middle of the bed.Past tense: I lay down on top of the dog.
Special addendum:Though not soundalikes, I see the verb "may" mangled so frequently I want to include it here. (And, yes, I checked a recent dictionary to make sure usage hadn't changed since I first learned the rules way back in the Dark Ages.)may - PRESENT tensemight - PAST tense
So, unless you're writing a book in Present Tense - common in today's YA - you use "might." "May" can, however, be used in dialogue. For example: "Mama, may I go riding in the park today?" Yet countless times - mostly in the last five years - I have edited or read books that were entirely in past tense but switched to "may" instead of "might" at inopportune moments. So, FIXIT, please!
More tricky words coming up at a later date.
~ * ~
FYI, I will be presenting my 2-hour workshop, "A Wise Author's Approach to Writing a Book," for the Southwest Florida Romance Writers on Saturday, October 18, 1-3. Guests are welcome. For the SWFRW website, click here.
Thanks for stopping by.
Grace
For Grace's website, listing all books as Blair Bancroft, click here.
For a brochure for Grace's editing service, Best Foot Forward, click here.
September 27, 2014
Thugs & Sports
When I began this blog in January 2011, I named it Mosaic Moments so I could feel free to hold forth on any topic that struck my fancy. And although I primarily blog about Writing and Editing, I continue my original premise today by ranting about a topic close to my heart.
VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN
I posted the following paragraph last week, joining 88 others (at that time) who were protesting the absurdity of a half-game suspension for Jameis Winston, bad boy quarterback for Florida State University. I have no idea if the Powers-That-Be at FSU ever saw my post, but outrage from the general public was so widespread that the night before the game Winston was suspended for the entire game. Oh, wow! What a leap up the punishment scale for the man who has been accused of rape and claims he simply forgot to pay for all those crab legs from Publix. Allegedly, he was also involved in a BB gun battle that resulted in 13 broken windows. And most recently, he climbed on a table at the student union and shouted a phrase so vulgar, so denigrating to women, that I would not think of repeating it here. (I'd probably be kicked off the blogosphere.) You can, however, find it through Google. I did, and my eyes popped.
Grace's comments about Jameis Winston:
I just looked up what Jameis Winston said when he stood on a table at the student union and shouted the incredibly vulgar words to the student body. And got benched for HALF a football game! This thug, against whom the charge of rape rings more and more true, should be in jail, not representing one of Florida's state universities on the football field. He, along with similar thugs in the NFL, need to GO. They are ruining the reputation of one of America's great sports, and they need to join their fellow criminals in jail, not in the locker room. Give us back our favorite fall sport and get rid of so-called gridiron heroes who advocate, or practice, violence against women!
~ * ~
And then, after the FSU-Clemson game, even the newspaper's Sports pages took up the cry. It was reported that Winston's coach wanted him removed from the team when he was first accused of rape. The administration said no. He also drew a pass on his other offenses, including the supposedly "forgetful" theft from Publix. No wonder he suited up on the day of the Clemson game,as if totally ignoring his suspension. He had been granted so much entitlement he probably assumed no one would enforce the ban. According to the newspaper, however, his long-suffering coach was shocked, sending Winston back to the locker room to change.
Yes, football is a violent sport, but when did the thugs begin to take over? When did winning become all important? Ah . . . but that's been true for a long time. Some people have always taken their sports very seriously. Perhaps attitudes began to deteriorate when winning became so important that rabid fans with deep pockets were willing to sponsor scholarships to anyone, no matter their character, as long as they could play ball. When those rabid fans were allowed too much control over sports, solely because their wealth just might be extended to other college needs.
How incredibly sad.
And of course the illness doesn't stop with college. In fact, the college sports woes probably filter down from the professional arena. Too many thugs are playing professional sports of all kinds. Particularly in the National Football League. And pretty much for the same reasons. Rabid fans with lots of money bring the same ruthless, anything-to-win attitude toward sports that made all that money in the business world in the first place. thus spectacularly fulfilling that old saying, "Dog eat dog, and the Devil take the hindmost."
My father, while a teaching-principal in a small Nebraska high school - the one where he once played football - was also the sports coach, including football. So I grew up knowing the rules of most sports and the conduct expected from those who played. My father was a true "straight arrow" of the old school. He would be even more outraged than I over what has happened to sports in our time.
You've all heard the expression, "Throw the bums out!" Well, it's more than time we did just that. It's took nine months for the NFL to discipline the player who knocked out his fiancée in an elevator (in spite of the act being recorded on surveillance tape). And then there's the player who "switched" his four-year-old so hard the boy had to be taken to the Emergency Room (where a doctor blew the whistle on him). And now the latest on Jameis Winston is that his attorney has announced he will "cooperate" in the federal government's investigation of the rape charge that was swept under the rug last year (when evidently, he was allowed to refuse interrogation). Well, bless whoever got the government involved, for certainly all those in authority in Tallahassee blew it on that initial investigation.
One good thing: the newspapers are now covering the instances of violence by sports stars. Their criminal behavior is no longer being shoved under the rug. But will any of these thugs face conviction and punishment? And if so, will it be enough to stop the horrendous attacks not only on women as individuals but on the female gender as a whole? Brave women fought for the right to vote. They're still fighting for equal pay. But hey, female rights advocates out there, what about the fight for a woman's right to survive without fear of rape and abuse, physical and mental? As long as one life hangs by a thread, we all go in danger of plunging into the abyss.
This issue affects us all. And the good guys out there - and there are a lot of you - need to join the fight as well. Do NOT be so dazzled by someone's ability to throw a football, score a three-pointer, or hit a home run that you condone him acting like a beast of prey. Stand up and be counted on the side of right. Ban the Jameis Winstons and the Ray Rices from professional sports. "Good riddance to bad rubbish," as my mother used to say.
If ordinary citizens don't protest, who will? If college administrators and NFL executives only do their duty when the outcry overwhelms their willingness to let these criminals do anything they please, then WE have to stand up and be counted. Cry, "Enough! We want our football, basketball, baseball & soccer players to have hearts and heads to match their talent. We absolutely, positively do not need thugs in either college or pro sports. Let them crawl back to their own level and stay buried, forever condemned to a pit of Bad Guys surrounded by poverty and ignominity.
This morning, Saturday, September 27, 2014, the by-lined sports reporter for The Orlando Sentinel, wrote an article which I feel merits repeating here. It may not emphasize my feeling that we ALL are responsible for fixing this issue, but Mike Bianchi's words definitely ring true. He wrote:
In honor of the great Martin Luther King, I have a dream. I have a dream that there will be a day when we turn on SportsCenter and they'll be talking about triumphs and touchdowns, not domestic abuse and child abuse. I have a dream that one day Heisman Trophy winners will be chosen based on the very first sentence in the Heisman mission statement: "The Heisman Memorial Trophy annually recognizes the outstanding college football player whose performance best exhibits the pursuit of excellence with integrity." I have a dream that one day we will have commissioners and coaches and school presidents who will make decisions based on what they believe is right, not what they believe they can get away with. And I have a dream where all athletes—pro and college—conduct themselves with the style, grace and class of Derek Jeter.*
*an exemplary athlete and human being, on and off the field, who retired this week after 20 years with the New York Yankees
~ * ~
And now for something lighter, plus a reminder that we all need to remember to edit, starting with our spelling . . .
The photo above was taken in Kenner, Louisiana, and shared on Facebook by Del Shores
To end on an upbeat - another glorious Florida sunset**borrowed, as usual, from my daughter's Facebook page
~ * ~
FYI, I will be presenting my 2-hour workshop, "A Wise Author's Approach to Writing a Book," for the Southwest Florida Romance Writers on Saturday, October 18, 1-3. Guests are welcome. For the SWFRW website, click here.
Thanks for stopping by.
Grace
For Grace's website, listing all books as Blair Bancroft, click here.
For a brochure for Grace's editing service, Best Foot Forward, click here.
VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN
I posted the following paragraph last week, joining 88 others (at that time) who were protesting the absurdity of a half-game suspension for Jameis Winston, bad boy quarterback for Florida State University. I have no idea if the Powers-That-Be at FSU ever saw my post, but outrage from the general public was so widespread that the night before the game Winston was suspended for the entire game. Oh, wow! What a leap up the punishment scale for the man who has been accused of rape and claims he simply forgot to pay for all those crab legs from Publix. Allegedly, he was also involved in a BB gun battle that resulted in 13 broken windows. And most recently, he climbed on a table at the student union and shouted a phrase so vulgar, so denigrating to women, that I would not think of repeating it here. (I'd probably be kicked off the blogosphere.) You can, however, find it through Google. I did, and my eyes popped.
Grace's comments about Jameis Winston:
I just looked up what Jameis Winston said when he stood on a table at the student union and shouted the incredibly vulgar words to the student body. And got benched for HALF a football game! This thug, against whom the charge of rape rings more and more true, should be in jail, not representing one of Florida's state universities on the football field. He, along with similar thugs in the NFL, need to GO. They are ruining the reputation of one of America's great sports, and they need to join their fellow criminals in jail, not in the locker room. Give us back our favorite fall sport and get rid of so-called gridiron heroes who advocate, or practice, violence against women!
~ * ~
And then, after the FSU-Clemson game, even the newspaper's Sports pages took up the cry. It was reported that Winston's coach wanted him removed from the team when he was first accused of rape. The administration said no. He also drew a pass on his other offenses, including the supposedly "forgetful" theft from Publix. No wonder he suited up on the day of the Clemson game,as if totally ignoring his suspension. He had been granted so much entitlement he probably assumed no one would enforce the ban. According to the newspaper, however, his long-suffering coach was shocked, sending Winston back to the locker room to change.
Yes, football is a violent sport, but when did the thugs begin to take over? When did winning become all important? Ah . . . but that's been true for a long time. Some people have always taken their sports very seriously. Perhaps attitudes began to deteriorate when winning became so important that rabid fans with deep pockets were willing to sponsor scholarships to anyone, no matter their character, as long as they could play ball. When those rabid fans were allowed too much control over sports, solely because their wealth just might be extended to other college needs.
How incredibly sad.
And of course the illness doesn't stop with college. In fact, the college sports woes probably filter down from the professional arena. Too many thugs are playing professional sports of all kinds. Particularly in the National Football League. And pretty much for the same reasons. Rabid fans with lots of money bring the same ruthless, anything-to-win attitude toward sports that made all that money in the business world in the first place. thus spectacularly fulfilling that old saying, "Dog eat dog, and the Devil take the hindmost."
My father, while a teaching-principal in a small Nebraska high school - the one where he once played football - was also the sports coach, including football. So I grew up knowing the rules of most sports and the conduct expected from those who played. My father was a true "straight arrow" of the old school. He would be even more outraged than I over what has happened to sports in our time.
You've all heard the expression, "Throw the bums out!" Well, it's more than time we did just that. It's took nine months for the NFL to discipline the player who knocked out his fiancée in an elevator (in spite of the act being recorded on surveillance tape). And then there's the player who "switched" his four-year-old so hard the boy had to be taken to the Emergency Room (where a doctor blew the whistle on him). And now the latest on Jameis Winston is that his attorney has announced he will "cooperate" in the federal government's investigation of the rape charge that was swept under the rug last year (when evidently, he was allowed to refuse interrogation). Well, bless whoever got the government involved, for certainly all those in authority in Tallahassee blew it on that initial investigation.
One good thing: the newspapers are now covering the instances of violence by sports stars. Their criminal behavior is no longer being shoved under the rug. But will any of these thugs face conviction and punishment? And if so, will it be enough to stop the horrendous attacks not only on women as individuals but on the female gender as a whole? Brave women fought for the right to vote. They're still fighting for equal pay. But hey, female rights advocates out there, what about the fight for a woman's right to survive without fear of rape and abuse, physical and mental? As long as one life hangs by a thread, we all go in danger of plunging into the abyss.
This issue affects us all. And the good guys out there - and there are a lot of you - need to join the fight as well. Do NOT be so dazzled by someone's ability to throw a football, score a three-pointer, or hit a home run that you condone him acting like a beast of prey. Stand up and be counted on the side of right. Ban the Jameis Winstons and the Ray Rices from professional sports. "Good riddance to bad rubbish," as my mother used to say.
If ordinary citizens don't protest, who will? If college administrators and NFL executives only do their duty when the outcry overwhelms their willingness to let these criminals do anything they please, then WE have to stand up and be counted. Cry, "Enough! We want our football, basketball, baseball & soccer players to have hearts and heads to match their talent. We absolutely, positively do not need thugs in either college or pro sports. Let them crawl back to their own level and stay buried, forever condemned to a pit of Bad Guys surrounded by poverty and ignominity.
This morning, Saturday, September 27, 2014, the by-lined sports reporter for The Orlando Sentinel, wrote an article which I feel merits repeating here. It may not emphasize my feeling that we ALL are responsible for fixing this issue, but Mike Bianchi's words definitely ring true. He wrote:
In honor of the great Martin Luther King, I have a dream. I have a dream that there will be a day when we turn on SportsCenter and they'll be talking about triumphs and touchdowns, not domestic abuse and child abuse. I have a dream that one day Heisman Trophy winners will be chosen based on the very first sentence in the Heisman mission statement: "The Heisman Memorial Trophy annually recognizes the outstanding college football player whose performance best exhibits the pursuit of excellence with integrity." I have a dream that one day we will have commissioners and coaches and school presidents who will make decisions based on what they believe is right, not what they believe they can get away with. And I have a dream where all athletes—pro and college—conduct themselves with the style, grace and class of Derek Jeter.*
*an exemplary athlete and human being, on and off the field, who retired this week after 20 years with the New York Yankees
~ * ~
And now for something lighter, plus a reminder that we all need to remember to edit, starting with our spelling . . .
The photo above was taken in Kenner, Louisiana, and shared on Facebook by Del Shores
To end on an upbeat - another glorious Florida sunset**borrowed, as usual, from my daughter's Facebook page~ * ~
FYI, I will be presenting my 2-hour workshop, "A Wise Author's Approach to Writing a Book," for the Southwest Florida Romance Writers on Saturday, October 18, 1-3. Guests are welcome. For the SWFRW website, click here.
Thanks for stopping by.
Grace
For Grace's website, listing all books as Blair Bancroft, click here.
For a brochure for Grace's editing service, Best Foot Forward, click here.
September 20, 2014
Updated Index to Grace's Writing & Editing Blogs
To view JayBani's absolutely amazing video from Thailand, in one of its 500,000+ shares - this one from my daughter's Facebook page -
click here.
Soccer practice under a Florida September SunsetSpecial Note: they actually won a game - in the rain - Friday night. Hallelujah!
Must be because Daddy is coaching this year.
Florida at Sunset - September 2014UPDATED INDEXto Grace's Writing & Editing Blogs September 20, 2014
2011:
The Writing 101 series
1. Formatting a Manuscript - May 9, 2011
2. Nuts & Bolts, Part 1(grammar, punctuation) - May 16, 2011
3. Tab conversion (from manual to auto) - June 5, 2011
4. Nuts & Bolts, Part 2 - June 16, 2011
5. I Ran Spell Check, I'm Done, Right? (self-editing) - July 5, 2011
6. The Final Steps (self-editing) - July 14, 2011
More Nuts & Bolts
Using Capitals 1 - April 12, 2014
Using Capitals 2 - April 19, 2014
Using Italics 1 - February 15, 2014
Using Italics 2 - February 22, 2014
2012:
EDIT THE BLASTED BOOK series
1. Intro to Self-editing - April 1, 2012
2. Should you hire help? - April 28, 2012
3. Manuscript Format for the 21st Century - May 6, 2012
4. Writing No-No's - May 28, 2012
5. Point of View - June 18, 2012
6. Anatomy of an Edit, Part 1 - August 5, 2012
7. Anatomy of an Edit, Part 2 - August 19, 2012
HOW TO DEVELOP YOUR CHARACTERS series
Part 1 - What you need to discover about your characters - October 15, 2012
Part 2 - More questions about your characters - October 29, 2012
Part 3 - The Rest of the story - November 5, 2012
2013:
DICTIONARY FOR WRITERS series (5 parts) - February. 4 - April 7, 2013
REMINISCENCES OF CONTROVERSIES series (3 parts) - May 13 - May 26, 2013
[a look at a number of “writing” controversies over the past decade or so]
EDITING series
Part 1 - Layering - June 30, 2013
Part 2 - Dangling Participles - July 7, 2013
Part 3 - Show vs Tell 1 - July 21, 2013
Part 4 - Show vs Tell 2 - July 28, 2013
Part 5 - Treacherous Words - August 11, 2013
Part 6 - The Difference a Word Makes - September 1, 2013
Part 7 - “Modern” Punctuation - September 15, 2013
Part 8 - Questions to Ask Yourself - October 13, 2013
2013-2014:
WORLD BUILDING series (4 parts) - December 28, 2013 - February 1, 2014
Editing Scold - December 14, 2013
More on Editing - May 3, 2014 (including more on Show vs. Tell)
Third Person vs. First (2 parts) - May 31 & June 8, 2014
Rule-Breaking 101 (3 parts) - June 21 - July 5, 2014
Editing Examples (3 parts) - August 23, Aug. 30 & Sept. 13, 2014
Miscellanous:
1. Guideposts for Critiquing - January 28, 2011
2. Writing Mistakes, Near Misses & Just Plain Strange - March 4, 2011
3. Shortcuts for Writers (ASCII codes) - March 18, 2011
4. Rules for Romance - September 18, 2011
5. More Rules for Romance - October 16, 2011
6. How Not to Write a Book - December 20, 2012
7. Branding - Bah, humbug! [writing multi-genre] - January 21, 2013
8. How Does Your Novel Grow? - April 28, 2013
9. Word Perfect to Indie Pub - November 17, 2013
10. Questions Fiction Writers Should Ask Themselves - October 13, 2013
~ * ~
FYI, I will be presenting my 2-hour workshop, "A Wise Author's Approach to Writing a Book," for the Southwest Florida Romance Writers on Saturday, October 18, 1-3. Guests are welcome. For the SWFRW website, click here.
Thanks for stopping by.
Grace
For Grace's website, listing all books as Blair Bancroft, click here.
For a brochure for Grace's editing service, Best Foot Forward, click here.
September 13, 2014
Major Edits
London pub - shared by Eloisa James on FacebookI've seen many beautifully "flowered" English pubs, but nothing compares to this one. Major kudos to whoever takes care of this incredible hanging garden.
William Clifton's photo, shared on Facebook by Florida's fabulous nature photographer, Clyde ButcherFor a panorama of Clyde's photos, click here.
Riley's going to be in a Girl Scout pageant - but not in this dress - it was $500!Nonetheless, doesn't she look great!~ * ~
Talking about Major Edits
In the spring of 2014 I finished the second of a three-book SF series contracted to Ellora's Cave, and after what I thought was my customary careful editing, I submitted it well before deadline. It was only several months later, when my Blue Moon Rising series was orphaned by EC shutting down its Blush line, and I was forced to prepare my first query letter in years, that I discovered Sorcerer's Bride was 11,000 words shorter than Book 1, Rebel Princess. Surprise!
My first reaction was that the months directly before and after spending a week in the hospital were probably not the best time to write a worthy book. Sigh. So before I even looked at the manuscript, I sat down and made a list of things I suspected needed expansion. And, yes, I was amazed at how fast they hit me in the face when I stopped to think about it, even though I hadn't seen the manuscript in four months.
Fortunately, when I settled down to yet another head-to-tail reading of Sorcerer's Bride, I discovered all was not lost. Most of the book read well, but, yes, I had missed emphasizing some important moments. And overall, there were quite a few places that needed more depth. These were not short revisions - many of them ran to a full page or more. Obviously, not something that can be shown here. But I will attempt to explain why - beyond simply increasing the word count - I added what I did.
Qualifying an absolute. My son, the SF buff, was the first to notice that I had made the visions of a fey young teen who doesn't talk too absolute. I had left no room for suspense. Perhaps his graphic visions of the future were only wishful thinking, not unquestionable prognostications. And my son was right. There is no suspense if you have a character who is infallible.
Solution: I added three paragraphs near the beginning in which one of his sisters questions his visions. And added another bit of doubt near the end.
Failure to paint a complete picture.In the pageantry of a court scene I concentrated so hard on the hero and heroine that I failed to describe some very important secondary characters in the hero's entourage.
Solution: I added a description of the hero's mistress in her disguise as a well-dressed but dull, middle-aged diplomat. I also mentioned the hero's two bodyguards. All three are important secondary characters and should not have been skipped when they made their initial appearance, no matter how well disguised they were at the time.
Another inadequate description. The sentence, "She'd beg her mother not to go into the crystal shop . . .," left readers hanging, a true "Huh?" moment. Okay, maybe if readers remembered the heroine's first visit to the crystal shop and made the association, but really, that's a stretch.
Solution: Seven paragraphs that included the heroine's sharp introspection, doubts, and a better description of the shopping excursion.
A major moment sloughed off with a passive, after-the-fact description.Evidently daunted by the task of describing what the heroine does the night she tries out her newly discovered psychic gift, I chickened out and described the aftermath, not the action. A true no-no.
Solution: I added sixteen paragraphs of not only what the heroine did, but I emphasized her growing loss of control, her eagerness to do something totally against the principles instilled in her since childhood. Creating a much stronger message, which was vital to the plot, as the dichotomy between her upbringing which treasures life and her part in a rebellion that is forced to take life is a constant problem.
Sex scene revisions.Book 1 in the Blue Moon Rising series is a true love-at-first-sight story. Two people who dreamed of each other through four years of separation. The romance in Sorcerer's Bride was much harder to write. A hero and heroine forced to marry by royal edict. A heroine who must play third-fiddle to her husband's first love, her own sister, and to his long-time mistress. The hero, a sorcerer who has begun to realize why most of his kind stay celibate! None of which made the sex scenes easy to write.
Solution. I had already used the device of the h/h discovering they were physically attracted to each other in spite of all the drawbacks, but in this new revision I added more dialogue, more introspection, more of two childhood playmates becoming reacquainted. I also added more emphasis to the fact that the sorcerer has to change - grow up, if you will. That he has to become less self-centered, pay more attention to the people around him. Including his unwanted bride. Sometimes these additions ran to a page or two, sometimes only a paragraph. Added throughout the book, I hope they paint a better picture of two people struggling to become a happy couple.
Missed emotions.I was so busy describing the h/h's wedding, followed by a major action scene in which they rescue hostages from a jail, that I totally missed the wedding night! Perhaps knowing they had already enjoyed each other, I happily skipped from the hostage rescue to the next morning. Oops! Solution: No, this wasn't the moment for a grand love scene. Our heroine, the pacifist, has just killed ten men while rescuing the hostages. The emotion she feels is anguish. And her brand new husband must deal with it. Two pages added.
Important point missed.I had a scene in the court of the Emperor that I had not touched since the original. It simply seemed to work the first time around. On a fresh reading, I realized I left out something vital. We are in the Point of View of a five-star admiral who has just aided a battlecruiser and its crew to slip away from their home planet and join the rebellion. And I had him wondering why he has been summoned to court!
Solution: I added the obvious. The admiral had cause to worry!
Hero's missed emotion.As part of the hero's redemption, readers need to see that he is learning to control his temper.
Solution: An added paragraph that describes him reining in his temper when he wants to tear his enemies limb from limb. (And he has a not-so-illusory dragon that can do just that!)
What to do about the hero's witch?As the story progressed, I realized I couldn't just cast the hero's mistress out into the cold. So even in my initial version she took on a greater role in the story. But on a new reading, I realized she needed to have her Point of View revealed earlier in the story.
Solution:I added an introspection scene in her Point of View just prior to a dramatic event that begins her escalation into a major character, and very likely the heroine of Book 3.
Better plot & action descriptions needed.Although I scarcely touched the book's romantic ending on this last edit, the action scene preceding it needed work. There was a too-abrupt switch from the final rebel "rehearsal" to the actual execution of their plans. And insufficient details about the disaster that interrupts their joyous victory celebration.
Solution: Two setting-the-stage scenes added just before the action scene. And an almost total re-write of the action itself.
SUMMARY.
With the above major edits, plus bits and pieces added throughout, I added c. 5,000 words. I'm going to put Sorcerer's Bride away for a few weeks before reading it through once again from first page to last to see how all those additions fit in. (I'm hopeful all will be well as the final chapters were so mangled, I had to read those revisions right way to make sure I'd understood my own scribbles! And, thankfully, the section was vastly improved.)
Hopefully, my trials and tribulations, outlined above, will help you find places in your own work where more depth is needed, where you totally missed a reaction that should have been there, or any other of the myriad mistakes we can make when we're rushing, rushing, rushing ahead so fast we forget to take a really good look at what we're doing right now.
The modern author must be able to edit his/her own work. And, no, not just because you're indie-publishing. Budgets are so tight and the competition is so stiff that even if you are submitting to one of the major New York print publishers, or to a major e-publisher, no company is going to want to shell out the time and money it takes to edit a badly presented manuscript. You have to be sure you submit a manuscript that is not only properly spelled and punctuated, but one with depth, all the descriptions, emotions, reactions, and evocative dialogue in the right place at the right time.
Moral of the Story. I downloaded a whole bunch of books to my Kindle before going on a week-long cruise - and ended up tossing two of them before the end of the first chapter. I plowed my way through a third because the author had potential - good plot, good characters - but the book was severely marred by multiple mistakes in both historical facts and presentation. And, no, the books weren't all indie-pubbed. One of the ones I chucked to Archives was from a major NY publisher - all "tell" and dull as dishwater. I couldn't believe anyone was still publishing work that reads like a fourth-grade language arts text. Ah well, I can't do much about that, I guess, except refuse to buy any more from that author. But for indie authors and those trying to break into the market, whether NY or e-pub, please, please, please! Don't just write your grand opus and send it off. I beg of you, EDIT THE BLASTED BOOK! Yes, it takes time and anguish, but you'll be glad you did. And don't expect the first edit to be enough. It never is.
~ * ~Next week: Updated Index to Grace's Writing & Editing Blogs FYI, I will be presenting my 2-hour workshop, "A Wise Author's Approach to Writing a Book," for the Southwest Florida Romance Writers on Saturday, October 18, 1-3. Guests are welcome. For the SWFRW website, click here.
Thanks for stopping by.
Grace
For Grace's website, listing all books as Blair Bancroft, click here.
For a brochure for Grace's editing service, Best Foot Forward, click here.
September 6, 2014
On the Ocean Blue
Since the next section of Editing Examples deals with major revisions that are difficult to corral into a blog, I'm going to go with a travelogue this week. Enjoy your vicarious Caribbean cruise!
I gave up traditional touring about three years ago after two days of struggling in and out of gondolas in Venice and then being dumped out on a dock a hundred yards short of the airport and finding myself confronted with the hard fact of toting a very large suitcase up a flight of steps before I could even drag it to the airport, plus the length of the building to the check-in counter & up onto the scale. Thank goodness for kindly helping hands!
Since then, I've confined my traveling to cruises, something I had always scorned in the past. And the one I took this August, I must admit, has won me over. I'm a cruise fan for life, at least on Royal Caribbean. And to make things even nicer, now that Port Canaveral is up and running, we can cruise out of a port only a short drive from East Orlando. (We discovered that people had flown in from every corner of the world for this cruise.)
The photos below are my first with my new Samsung smartphone. To say it took some maneuvering to get used it is putting it mildly!
Disney ship with Mickey Mouse smokestacks, taken from the deck of Freedom of the Seas Note: my daughter does not book on Disney because their ships do not have casinos!
Sunset, en route to Coco Cay, the Bahamas
Freedom of the Seas, as seen from Coco Cay
The beach was crowded and blazing hot!I'd been to Coco Cay, Royal Caribbean's private island, in the winter, and it was lovely. This time I was on the return ferry to the ship by 10:30 a.m. And therein lies a tale. (No, not about which grandchld is featured in the photobomb on the right.)
This isn't an easy story to tell in the midst of a care-free vacation, but there were only a few people on the tender returning us to the ship so early, so I had a good view of a young man seated two rows in front of me. He was c. 30 years old, with the somewhat scholarly appearance of an intelligent, well-educated white male. He was sitting all by himself, shirtless, and I had a full view of his back all the way to the ship. It was marred by two bullet scars and more than a dozen welts from a braided whip (very tiny braids, probably from a whip with multiple stands). Each braid was clearly delineated in his skin. To say I was stunned is putting it mildly. Clearly, he was not hiding his torture, but I did what everyone else did - gave him his space, though I wished my son-in-law were there, as he would have had nerve enough to ask what happened, as obviously the victim wasn't keeping his injuries a secret. Unfortunately, on a ship as large as Freedom of the Seas I never saw him again, and his story remains a mystery. I record it here to remind us all that some people pay a high price for our freedom to enjoy ourselves on something so frivolous as a cruise.
Approaching Freedom of the Seas from the Coco Cay tender
A portion of the ship's "mall" - my cabin on the left, just past the overhead walkway
The ship has three pools - kiddie, general, and adult (w/bar) + Jacuzzis.
The grandgirls wouldn't go near the kiddie pool, complete with waterfall (below).
More cruise photos later in the year.
~ * ~
FYI, I will be presenting my 2-hour workshop, "A Wise Author's Approach to Writing a Book," for the Southwest Florida Romance Writers on Saturday, October 18, 1-3. For the SWFRW website, click here.
Thanks for stopping by.
Grace
For Grace's website, listing all books as Blair Bancroft, click here.
For a brochure for Grace's editing service, Best Foot Forward, click here.
I gave up traditional touring about three years ago after two days of struggling in and out of gondolas in Venice and then being dumped out on a dock a hundred yards short of the airport and finding myself confronted with the hard fact of toting a very large suitcase up a flight of steps before I could even drag it to the airport, plus the length of the building to the check-in counter & up onto the scale. Thank goodness for kindly helping hands!
Since then, I've confined my traveling to cruises, something I had always scorned in the past. And the one I took this August, I must admit, has won me over. I'm a cruise fan for life, at least on Royal Caribbean. And to make things even nicer, now that Port Canaveral is up and running, we can cruise out of a port only a short drive from East Orlando. (We discovered that people had flown in from every corner of the world for this cruise.)
The photos below are my first with my new Samsung smartphone. To say it took some maneuvering to get used it is putting it mildly!
Disney ship with Mickey Mouse smokestacks, taken from the deck of Freedom of the Seas Note: my daughter does not book on Disney because their ships do not have casinos!
Sunset, en route to Coco Cay, the Bahamas
Freedom of the Seas, as seen from Coco Cay
The beach was crowded and blazing hot!I'd been to Coco Cay, Royal Caribbean's private island, in the winter, and it was lovely. This time I was on the return ferry to the ship by 10:30 a.m. And therein lies a tale. (No, not about which grandchld is featured in the photobomb on the right.)This isn't an easy story to tell in the midst of a care-free vacation, but there were only a few people on the tender returning us to the ship so early, so I had a good view of a young man seated two rows in front of me. He was c. 30 years old, with the somewhat scholarly appearance of an intelligent, well-educated white male. He was sitting all by himself, shirtless, and I had a full view of his back all the way to the ship. It was marred by two bullet scars and more than a dozen welts from a braided whip (very tiny braids, probably from a whip with multiple stands). Each braid was clearly delineated in his skin. To say I was stunned is putting it mildly. Clearly, he was not hiding his torture, but I did what everyone else did - gave him his space, though I wished my son-in-law were there, as he would have had nerve enough to ask what happened, as obviously the victim wasn't keeping his injuries a secret. Unfortunately, on a ship as large as Freedom of the Seas I never saw him again, and his story remains a mystery. I record it here to remind us all that some people pay a high price for our freedom to enjoy ourselves on something so frivolous as a cruise.
Approaching Freedom of the Seas from the Coco Cay tender
A portion of the ship's "mall" - my cabin on the left, just past the overhead walkway
The ship has three pools - kiddie, general, and adult (w/bar) + Jacuzzis.
The grandgirls wouldn't go near the kiddie pool, complete with waterfall (below).
More cruise photos later in the year.
~ * ~
FYI, I will be presenting my 2-hour workshop, "A Wise Author's Approach to Writing a Book," for the Southwest Florida Romance Writers on Saturday, October 18, 1-3. For the SWFRW website, click here.
Thanks for stopping by.
Grace
For Grace's website, listing all books as Blair Bancroft, click here.
For a brochure for Grace's editing service, Best Foot Forward, click here.
August 30, 2014
Editing Examples, Part 2
For today's bit of color I am posting a few nostalgic photos from a 2013 trip back to Connecticut, which I just got around to downloading from my Nikon, now that my new smartphone supposedly makes the Nikon obsolete. (But so far the Nikon photos are beating the Samsung by quite a bit. Sigh.)
Dwight Chapel on Yale's Old Campus - where I was married
Harkness Tower, Branford College, Yale University
My husband founded the Guild of Yale Carillonneurs back when Harkness Tower had only ten bells. Below is the original clavier (keyboard) with my husband's photo hanging beside it.
While in Harkness Tower, my daughter and I ran into one of the current carillonneurs and were delighted to discover the Guild is still thriving, playing a carillon which is now one of the largest in the world (54 bells). [During the creation of the 44 new bells, I had the opportunity to host Paul Taylor, whose company has been making bells in England for nearly 700 years, the Taylor family taking over in 1784! He autographed a well-worn copy of Dorothy Sayers' The Nine Tailors for me.] And now back to our regularly scheduled program . . .
Editing Examples, Part 2
Today's Mosaic Moments is a continuation of the Editing Examples series, introduced last week. Hopefully, somewhere among the samples you'll find clues to improving your own work. As before, the examples are not in any particular order of importance. Black type - the original, green - the revision, burnt orange - my comments.
1. Too wordy. The extra words might paint a better picture of the scene, but the scene isn't that important and the extra words detract from the overall action - the hero's and heroine's eagerness to search for the smugglers' cave.
When the footman returned, he snatched up my cloak and put it around my shoulders himself, although he allowed the footman to help him into his many-caped coat. Meanwhile, Allard, his usually impassive butler's face revealing a hint of curiosity, handed Exmere a lantern.
When the footman returned, he snatched up my cloak and put it around my shoulders.
(Mention of the lantern was unnecessary as it had been requested in a previous sentence.)
2. More colorful.
I buried my face in his chest, reluctant to say the words.
I buried my face in his chest, too appalled to say what I was thinking.
3. More drama + "bringing the point home."
I paused my climb, head down, and leaned against the wall. Robert was headed straight for his father. A certainty as chilling as any I'd had since my parents' deaths.
I paused my climb, head down, and leaned against the wall. Robert was headed straight for his father. A certainty as chilling as any I'd had since my parents' deaths. A confrontation so fraught with drama that my imagination balked. How did a son tell his father his wife had never left Moorhead Manor? That her skeletal remains lay in a cave not a hundred yards from the house.
How did a son say to his father, "Did you kill her? Did you kill them both?"
4. A better way to say it. (Involves cutting, rearranging & adding more detail)
"This is scarcely a matter for dinner-table conversation," Exmere declared in his most repressive tones. "Though I must admit the concept of a mad hermit lurking on the moor has great appeal. I only wish I could believe it."
"Exmere," Lady Emmaline said, much shocked, "how can you say such a thing?"
"Because that means no one personally known to us is capable of murder."
To avoid any betraying glances, I kept my eyes fixed on my plate.
"No-o," Vanessa cried, you cannot mean it. Not one of us!"
"The deaths . . ."
"This is scarcely a matter for dinner-table conversation," Exmere declared in his most repressive tones. "Though I must admit the concept of a mad hermit lurking on the moor has great appeal. I only wish I could believe it."
To avoid any betraying glances, I kept my eyes fixed on my plate.
"I say, Rob!" Huntley protested.
"No-o," Vanessa cried, you cannot mean it. Not one of us!"
Robert glowered. Just when I thought he would refuse to respond to his sister, he said, albeit with considerable resignation, "The deaths . . .
5. Incorrect information + More details needed
There might have been a gap of more than four years between the deaths of Lady Hycliffe and Quenton Ridgeway (not at all what I meant to say), but the latest murders were more closely spaced. It was not the first time I had seen senseless murder. There had been an incident during one of those long idle winters in Portugal—I recalled overhearing Papa's words to Major Stinson: "Mark my words. There'll be another killing. The bastard's acquired a taste for it."
There might have been a gap of more than four years between the deaths in the cave and three dead girls, but the latest murders were more closely spaced. I recalled an incident during one of those long idle winters in Portugal. Over a period six weeks two camp followers had been found strangled. I had overheard Papa's words to Major Stinson: "Mark my words. There'll be another killing. The bastard's acquired a taste for it." And two weeks later, just as predicted, a third murder occurred."
6. Better details.
With my coiffure perfect, and the whole set against the sofa's glowing gold brocade, I was reasonably certain my appearance was pleasing to the eye.
With my coiffure perfect, my carriage erect, and my gown carefully displayed against the sofa's glowing gold brocade, I was reasonably certain my appearance was pleasing to the eye.
7. Expanding a scene for More Color, Better Detail
I had been crawling around the stone floor on my hands and knees, cautiously circling the pile of bones, and now I sat abruptly, blew out a whoosh of air, and attempted to accept the reality of what I found.
Murder. With Lord Hycliffe the most likely suspect by far.
After crawling around the stone floor on my hands knees, cautiously circling the pile of bones, I sat back on my heels, blew out a whoosh of air, and attempted to accept the reality of what I found.
Murder. It had to be.
Unless the killer arranged the bodies after death . . .
Thus proving it was murder.
Unlikely. As well as impossibly distasteful. I shuddered.
Why could I not be some fluttering idiot female without a thought in her head? A female who never questioned the vast superiority of the males of the species?
Ha! As if I really wished to be such a namby-pamby creature! The truth was, Lord Hycliffe was the most likely suspect.
8. More Clarity, more emphasis on the danger.
I knew knowledge of this cave put me in danger, and yet I had come—
I had known simple knowledge of the existence of the cave put me in danger. Investigating its contents increased the risk tenfold. Yet I had come—
Summary.
Good revisions require you to accept the possible fallacy of what you actually wrote, as opposed to what you thought you were writing. Good revisions require you to bury the ego that insists what you wrote was perfect on the first draft. That you never make mistakes in facts or clarity, descriptive color, or . . . whatever. Good revisions require ruthless cutting of the unnecessary, artful rearrangement of certain passages, and the addition of more details for color, clarity, and emotional impact. And yes, there are more examples to come.
~ * ~
The "Editing Examples" series will be continued. Thanks for stopping by.
Grace
For Grace's website, listing all books as Blair Bancroft, click here.
For a brochure for Grace's editing service, Best Foot Forward, click here.
Dwight Chapel on Yale's Old Campus - where I was married
Harkness Tower, Branford College, Yale UniversityMy husband founded the Guild of Yale Carillonneurs back when Harkness Tower had only ten bells. Below is the original clavier (keyboard) with my husband's photo hanging beside it.
While in Harkness Tower, my daughter and I ran into one of the current carillonneurs and were delighted to discover the Guild is still thriving, playing a carillon which is now one of the largest in the world (54 bells). [During the creation of the 44 new bells, I had the opportunity to host Paul Taylor, whose company has been making bells in England for nearly 700 years, the Taylor family taking over in 1784! He autographed a well-worn copy of Dorothy Sayers' The Nine Tailors for me.] And now back to our regularly scheduled program . . .
Editing Examples, Part 2
Today's Mosaic Moments is a continuation of the Editing Examples series, introduced last week. Hopefully, somewhere among the samples you'll find clues to improving your own work. As before, the examples are not in any particular order of importance. Black type - the original, green - the revision, burnt orange - my comments.
1. Too wordy. The extra words might paint a better picture of the scene, but the scene isn't that important and the extra words detract from the overall action - the hero's and heroine's eagerness to search for the smugglers' cave.
When the footman returned, he snatched up my cloak and put it around my shoulders himself, although he allowed the footman to help him into his many-caped coat. Meanwhile, Allard, his usually impassive butler's face revealing a hint of curiosity, handed Exmere a lantern.
When the footman returned, he snatched up my cloak and put it around my shoulders.
(Mention of the lantern was unnecessary as it had been requested in a previous sentence.)
2. More colorful.
I buried my face in his chest, reluctant to say the words.
I buried my face in his chest, too appalled to say what I was thinking.
3. More drama + "bringing the point home."
I paused my climb, head down, and leaned against the wall. Robert was headed straight for his father. A certainty as chilling as any I'd had since my parents' deaths.
I paused my climb, head down, and leaned against the wall. Robert was headed straight for his father. A certainty as chilling as any I'd had since my parents' deaths. A confrontation so fraught with drama that my imagination balked. How did a son tell his father his wife had never left Moorhead Manor? That her skeletal remains lay in a cave not a hundred yards from the house.
How did a son say to his father, "Did you kill her? Did you kill them both?"
4. A better way to say it. (Involves cutting, rearranging & adding more detail)
"This is scarcely a matter for dinner-table conversation," Exmere declared in his most repressive tones. "Though I must admit the concept of a mad hermit lurking on the moor has great appeal. I only wish I could believe it."
"Exmere," Lady Emmaline said, much shocked, "how can you say such a thing?"
"Because that means no one personally known to us is capable of murder."
To avoid any betraying glances, I kept my eyes fixed on my plate.
"No-o," Vanessa cried, you cannot mean it. Not one of us!"
"The deaths . . ."
"This is scarcely a matter for dinner-table conversation," Exmere declared in his most repressive tones. "Though I must admit the concept of a mad hermit lurking on the moor has great appeal. I only wish I could believe it."
To avoid any betraying glances, I kept my eyes fixed on my plate.
"I say, Rob!" Huntley protested.
"No-o," Vanessa cried, you cannot mean it. Not one of us!"
Robert glowered. Just when I thought he would refuse to respond to his sister, he said, albeit with considerable resignation, "The deaths . . .
5. Incorrect information + More details needed
There might have been a gap of more than four years between the deaths of Lady Hycliffe and Quenton Ridgeway (not at all what I meant to say), but the latest murders were more closely spaced. It was not the first time I had seen senseless murder. There had been an incident during one of those long idle winters in Portugal—I recalled overhearing Papa's words to Major Stinson: "Mark my words. There'll be another killing. The bastard's acquired a taste for it."
There might have been a gap of more than four years between the deaths in the cave and three dead girls, but the latest murders were more closely spaced. I recalled an incident during one of those long idle winters in Portugal. Over a period six weeks two camp followers had been found strangled. I had overheard Papa's words to Major Stinson: "Mark my words. There'll be another killing. The bastard's acquired a taste for it." And two weeks later, just as predicted, a third murder occurred."
6. Better details.
With my coiffure perfect, and the whole set against the sofa's glowing gold brocade, I was reasonably certain my appearance was pleasing to the eye.
With my coiffure perfect, my carriage erect, and my gown carefully displayed against the sofa's glowing gold brocade, I was reasonably certain my appearance was pleasing to the eye.
7. Expanding a scene for More Color, Better Detail
I had been crawling around the stone floor on my hands and knees, cautiously circling the pile of bones, and now I sat abruptly, blew out a whoosh of air, and attempted to accept the reality of what I found.
Murder. With Lord Hycliffe the most likely suspect by far.
After crawling around the stone floor on my hands knees, cautiously circling the pile of bones, I sat back on my heels, blew out a whoosh of air, and attempted to accept the reality of what I found.
Murder. It had to be.
Unless the killer arranged the bodies after death . . .
Thus proving it was murder.
Unlikely. As well as impossibly distasteful. I shuddered.
Why could I not be some fluttering idiot female without a thought in her head? A female who never questioned the vast superiority of the males of the species?
Ha! As if I really wished to be such a namby-pamby creature! The truth was, Lord Hycliffe was the most likely suspect.
8. More Clarity, more emphasis on the danger.
I knew knowledge of this cave put me in danger, and yet I had come—
I had known simple knowledge of the existence of the cave put me in danger. Investigating its contents increased the risk tenfold. Yet I had come—
Summary.
Good revisions require you to accept the possible fallacy of what you actually wrote, as opposed to what you thought you were writing. Good revisions require you to bury the ego that insists what you wrote was perfect on the first draft. That you never make mistakes in facts or clarity, descriptive color, or . . . whatever. Good revisions require ruthless cutting of the unnecessary, artful rearrangement of certain passages, and the addition of more details for color, clarity, and emotional impact. And yes, there are more examples to come.
~ * ~
The "Editing Examples" series will be continued. Thanks for stopping by.
Grace
For Grace's website, listing all books as Blair Bancroft, click here.
For a brochure for Grace's editing service, Best Foot Forward, click here.
August 23, 2014
Editing Examples, Part 1
St. Maarten's - everyone waiting for what you will see in the video below.For a video of what it's like for a passenger jet to skim the top of your head, click here.
For the same event from a different perspective, click here.
And if the videos didn't work . . . Heaven forbid any pilot should land short!~ * ~
EDITING EXAMPLES
I carefully saved the originals of two full edits of The Mists of Moorhead Manor so I could offer some of the many revisions I made as examples of the huge variety of things we need to look for when editing our manuscripts. I have done many posts on grammar and spelling and won't be considering "copy edits" in this series. All the examples will be ways to make your writing better - more clear, more detailed, more colorful, more dramatic, etc. Hopefully, somewhere among the examples you'll find something that clicks, something that makes you sit up and say, "Oh wow, now I see!"
And no, I don't claim to be infallible. I'm sure there are even better ways to revise my originals. The whole point of this series will be to point the way, so you can look at what you've written, ask yourself, "How can I do better?" And then find a way to do exactly that.
Note: The examples below are not in order of importance, merely in the order in which they turned up in the manuscript. As is my custom, the original is in black Times Roman, the revision in green.
1. Too wordy or unnecessary - detracts from impact
My suspicions—for which I had absolutely no basis except his being at Moorhead at the time of all four deaths, as were nearly all other male residents of North Devon—still caused my skin to crawl.
My suspicions—for which I had absolutely no basis except his being at Moorhead at the time of all four deaths—still caused my skin to crawl.
2. More detail needed
I brushed my hair, pinched the wan cheeks reflected in the pier glass, and finally levered myself to my feet.
After brushing the tangles out of my hair, I pinched the wan cheeks reflected in the pier glass, and finally levered myself to my feet.
3. Sharper, more colorful
"Quite hopelessly. For my love is far more impossible than yours."
Even though I was quite certain I knew the answer, I asked the question anyway. "And does he love you?"
"He never speaks of it, but sometimes I see it in his eyes."
"Quite hopelessly. For my love is far more impossible than yours."
"He adores you." As soon as the words popped out, I felt Lord Hycliffe's wrath scorching the back of my neck.
"He never speaks of it," Vanessa admitted, "but sometimes I see it in his eyes."
4. More clarity, color & drama
"You mean because I am a cripple?"
I suppose I did, but I could scarcely say so. "Anyone can see David is not only devoted to you, he adores you. Surely that has to count for something."
"Clearly, you have lived too long out of the country."
What could I say? Had we fought the French so long that some of their egalitarian philosophies had seeped, willy-nilly, into our minds? I hung my head and was silent.
"He will never declare himself, will he?" Vanessa said, more a statement than a question.
"The customs of our society will not allow it."
"You mean because I am a cripple?"
"I mean," I returned carefully, knowing I was treading on thin ice, "that with a marquessate at stake, there can be no doubt about the possibility of heirs."
A shadow passed across her face, her blue eyes turned to ice. "Nor would I make a grand sight greeting guests at the top of the staircase."
"Forgive me, I should have kept my thoughts to myself."
"Clearly, you have lived too long out of the country. You are not as hidebound by our class system."
What could I say? Had those of us on the Peninsula fought the French so long that some of their egalitarian philosophies had seeped, willy-nilly, into our minds? I hung my head and was silent. David would never declare himself. The customs of our society would not allow it.
5. Clarity ( Readers don't always see what is so clear in our minds - sometimes we have to spell things out.)
Huntley's eyes went wide. "But you let her hang on your sleeve the entire time they were here."
Huntley's eyes went wide. "But you let her hang on your sleeve the entire time they were here. 'Tis clear they expect an offer when they return."
6. Correcting Missing Information
Note: I realized I was not being true to my heroine's character when I did not have her persist in trying to find a certain smugglers' cave.
"I assumed you and Huntley and Kenrick must have found it a wondrous place to play when you were children."
"I assumed you and Huntley and Kenrick must have found it a wondrous place to play when you were children." I did not mention that I had returned to the folly twice, each time failing to find the opening into the cave.
~ * ~
The "Editing Examples" series will be continued.
Thanks for stopping by.
Grace
For Grace's website, listing all books as Blair Bancroft, click here.
For a brochure for Grace's editing service, Best Foot Forward, click here.
August 7, 2014
The Mists of Moorhead Manor
Apologies to those who were expecting the start of a new editing series this week. Due to the publication of The Mists of Moorhead Manor—now available on Amazon and Smashwords and coming shortly to B&N and other online distributors—the Editing Examples series has been put off until August 23rd.
The Mists of Moorhead Manor is a Regency-set Gothic in the tradition of Victoria Holt, Mary Stewart, Phyllis Whitney, and my own previous novel, Brides of Falconfell.
Penelope Ruth Ballantyne has lived at the tail of the army all her life, experiencing the rigors of life in India, followed by five years of war in Portugal and Spain. Not surprisingly, now that she is orphaned, she accepts the most challenging position available, companion to an invalid who lives on the edge of Exmoor in northern Devonshire. After years of constant travel, Penny longs to settle under one roof, find a true home. Instead, she encounters hysteria, mysterious deaths, a nasty rival, and the constant fear of dismissal as she attracts the attention of more than one young gentleman in the household. Though the only one she truly sees is Robert, Lord Exmere, heir to Moorhead Manor. Together, they face a startling dilemma worthy of the judgment of Solomon.
Mists is currently available for Amazon Kindle and on Smashwords. You can find a 20% free read on Smashwords.
For a direct link to Mists on Smashwords, click here.
For a link to Mists on Amazon Kindle, click here.
~ * ~
For this week's bit of extra color . . .
Riley on the runway at Modeling Camp, August 2014
Riley, the "winnah" at Suwanee poker, a last laugh before school begins Aug. 18th.
After our cruise, that is.
My daughter reports this is the "impulse buy" food at the check-out counters in Suwanee country (North Florida).
I shudder!
~ * ~
Thanks for stopping by.
Grace
For Grace's website, listing all books as Blair Bancroft, click here.
For a brochure for Grace's editing service, Best Foot Forward, click here.
The Mists of Moorhead Manor is a Regency-set Gothic in the tradition of Victoria Holt, Mary Stewart, Phyllis Whitney, and my own previous novel, Brides of Falconfell.
Penelope Ruth Ballantyne has lived at the tail of the army all her life, experiencing the rigors of life in India, followed by five years of war in Portugal and Spain. Not surprisingly, now that she is orphaned, she accepts the most challenging position available, companion to an invalid who lives on the edge of Exmoor in northern Devonshire. After years of constant travel, Penny longs to settle under one roof, find a true home. Instead, she encounters hysteria, mysterious deaths, a nasty rival, and the constant fear of dismissal as she attracts the attention of more than one young gentleman in the household. Though the only one she truly sees is Robert, Lord Exmere, heir to Moorhead Manor. Together, they face a startling dilemma worthy of the judgment of Solomon.
Mists is currently available for Amazon Kindle and on Smashwords. You can find a 20% free read on Smashwords.
For a direct link to Mists on Smashwords, click here.
For a link to Mists on Amazon Kindle, click here.
~ * ~
For this week's bit of extra color . . .
Riley on the runway at Modeling Camp, August 2014
Riley, the "winnah" at Suwanee poker, a last laugh before school begins Aug. 18th.After our cruise, that is.
My daughter reports this is the "impulse buy" food at the check-out counters in Suwanee country (North Florida).I shudder!
~ * ~
Thanks for stopping by.
Grace
For Grace's website, listing all books as Blair Bancroft, click here.
For a brochure for Grace's editing service, Best Foot Forward, click here.
July 30, 2014
Rockets, Tea Party & "Oh my!"
Delta IV launch - taken from Victory, July 28, 2014Somehow launches never get "old." No matter that most of us have seen them time and time again and that there were no humans aboard, we still turn out to watch. This time from the advantage of being about ten miles from the launch site, on board the casino ship, Victory, and headed out to "gambling" water, three miles offshore.
Hopefully, the link below will connect you to my son-in-law's video from ignition up into the heavens.
Click here for Delta IV launch from Cape Canaveral
More on our experiences aboard Victory a bit later.
Our big excitement from the day before was an event I host only every eighteen months to two years - a really fancy children's tea party with "old-fashioned" games, such as Button Button, Hokey-Pokey, In and Out the Window, and Tug of War. The grandgirls made and decorated fancy candies and cupcakes and helped me make elegant cookies in various colors and shapes. My daughter and I also made the traditional tiny tea sandwiches, plus including special requests for deviled eggs and "baby hot dogs"! Each girl received a sandalwood fan with a pink sheet listing "The Language of the Fan." A big hit. As was another tea party tradition - pouring boiling water on a tiny tea ball in a transparent pot and watching it blossom into a "flower" about 4" wide. And this year a number of the girls were adventurous enough to actually try the resultant tea!
The girls enjoying their fans~ * ~
Aboard Victory:
Why I have children who enjoy a bit of gambling now and then remains a mystery when neither my husband nor I, nor any member of the family I know of, enjoy it. Nonetheless, on Monday night our party of seven headed off to Port Canaveral (just south of the Kennedy Space Center) to board the casino ship, Victory. Most of our group had gone gambling the previous Monday, and my daughter was chosen as a finalist in their high-prize karaoke contest, so I joined them for a night out on the Atlantic. That it looked like a previously delayed launch was actually going to happen while we were there made the evening out all the more attractive.
And except for an encounter with an idiot my mother would have described as having "no couth," it was a great night. Even if you don't care to gamble - the trip is worth the price. The food is good, the karaoke lounge comfortable, and the open lounge on the top-deck a great place to have a drink, look at the stars, and enjoy the seabreeze. In fact, we got an unexpected bonus when a series of thunderstorms out in the Atlantic provided an incredible light show all the way back to port.
Note: If you book online, you get a voucher that covers your food, two drinks, and a start on your gambling. And to top that, the staff was gracious and friendly. As for the the idiot mentioned above, he went home with his tail between his legs after a near silent encounter with three highly incensed males in our party. A "wow" moment I hadn't anticipated when, over supper, I recounted the details of my experience with a modern-day Neanderthal. (It took the rest of the trip, but they found him!)
And, no, I don't get a special discount for touting the Victory. It truly is a fun way to spend an evening.
~ * ~
FREEBIES
Cecilia and Belle, packaged as a two-fer under "Cecilia," will be a free download from August 1-5 from Amazon Kindle. These novellas are a look at the seamier side of Regency London, frank but not erotic.
Special Note: I'll be at a booksigning, with nineteen other romance authors, at the Mount Dora Library this Saturday, August 2,10-1. For more info, here's the link. Click here.
Next week, I'll likely be starting a new Editing series.
Thanks for stopping by,
Grace
July 19, 2014
Eventful Week!
Friday the 11th -Hailey finished up "Skate Camp" with a performance as Anna from "Frozen"with Mom Susie, otherwise known as my official photographer!
Sunday - a dozen of us at Señor Frogs on I-Drive for a wild afternoon of World Cup soccer (more below)
Tuesday - a double rainbow over Orlando - taken with ipod as the Smartphone died!
Thursday - Birthday Girl - Cassidy turned 8.
Friday the 18th - a visit to Winter the Dolphin at the Clearwater Marine Aquarium
Riley at Clearwater Beach - the Gulf Coast is SO much nicer than the Atlantic!Hmm - remind me why I left my home within a mile of the Gulf of Mexico to move to Orlando -
oh yes, that's right, all four reasons are in the photos above.
More on Watching the World Cup in Orlando
Could we stay home and watch the World Cup in comfort? And in English? (Not that the snarkiness of the ESPN announcer doesn't make me cringe!) Oh no, we had to drive to what is locally known as "the attractions," the heart of Orlando's tourist corridor (next to Universal Studios & about 5 miles from Disney) and watch the game at something called Señor Frogs. And in Spanish! Not that anyone could hear what was being said as the noise level was off the scale.
For those not familiar with Orlando, International Drive is where the tourists without small children stay. Universal Studios, SeaWorld, and I-Drive are the grown-up versions of Disneyworld. An Orlando version of the London Eye is currently under construction. We drove by the base of it, which already towers over the whole area.
We had reserved a table for 15 at Señor Frogs, and close to that many showed up - all wearing blue and white, waving Argentinian flags, and certain Argentina was going to win. The atmosphere was electric - we could only locate three German supporters among the sea of blue and white. There were Argentinian supporters chanting and doing snake dances through the aisles. And tables of all girls screaming their hearts out for their heros. Plus a DJ determined to split every eardrum in the house - before, after, and at half-time.
But I have to admit it was fun. Some of the outfits were amazing, including a lady wearing blue and white "wings" sticking out from the side of her head and a German supporter who had a tall fake fur hat in black and red with three small soccer balls nesting in the top. At the end of the game my daughter ended up kneeling on the table taking photos of him and his celebrating friends with each of their cameras. Now there's a magnanimous gesture for you!
And all those commercials in Spanish were fun, even if the outcome of the game wasn't what we'd hoped. It was a mad month of soccer and, frankly, I'm ready for some good old American football after a steady diet of "futbol." (We had one new immigrant from Colombia at the table, by the way, and I swear she screamed louder than all the rest of us put together. And, believe me, that was pretty hard to do.)
Since we saw so few German supporters at Señor Frogs, I was surprised when so many cheers broke out when Germany won. I suspect it was our many Brazilian tourists who wouldn't root for Argentina if their lives depended it. (This was explained to me very kindly by my son-in-law, the Argentinian who refused to root for Brazil against the Netherlands.)
Oh yes - I don't know what ESPN showed, but Telemundo, without saying anything, panned over a well-known face in the audience. Vladimir Putin.
And to finish out the week, today - Saturday - is my birthday. I planned on NO photographs of me - the grandchildren are much cuter - but . . .
Saturday the 19th - Enjoying lunch at Spice on Lake Eola
Baked brie en croute - Yum!
Slight Accident - Cassidy kicked over the cake box - I understand it had pink roses and "Happy Birthday, Gramma," around the base. But after Susie put one of the layers back in place and remolded the pink frosting into a heart (hands on), it tasted just as good, and was far more memorable than just your same old-same old birthday cake!
More years ago than I care to remember my mother used to take me on the Swan Boats on Boston Common. This was my first Swan Boat ride since - incredible views of downtown Orlando, but was it hot!
Cassidy and I have been sharing birthday fun ever since she was born - though we didn't quite expect her to kick over the cake!~ * ~Thanks for stopping by.
Grace
For Grace's website, listing all books as Blair Bancroft, click here.
For a brochure for Grace's editing service, Best Foot Forward, click here.
