Lara Van Hulzen's Blog, page 7

Tapping Out

I went to see a new doctor last week. I was kind of excited. Weird, I know. But I don't like anything to slow me down and between sinus issues due to allergies and some anxiety stuff going on, I wanted to feel better. Bring on the healing, doc! I was ready.

After spending over an hour with me (amazing on so many levels) this sweet, blessed woman looked at me and said, "You're exhausted." My first thought was, "tell me something I don't know." But then I began to sob right there in the exam room. A strange sense of relief flooded my system at the validation, by a medical professional no less, that I am tired. Exhausted. Yes.

I am a Type A personality. It's not that I don't like to sit still, I'm not even sure I know how. And if my body isn't moving, my brain is. Like say, while sitting at my desk writing. I'm still, yes. But my brain is churning like crazy. I am also a mother of three teenagers. Anyone who says these years are more mellow than when they are little is lying. Flat out. There are still three of them and one of me. And they're busy. Social events, sporting events, Senior year activities. Yes, Girly drives herself to many things, but it is still busy.

Not to mention this writing gig I have going on. Do I love it? Yep. I love my kids too. Doesn't mean there isn't stress or craziness involved. As the doctor said to me, I'm pulled in many different directions, consistently draining my tank while filling others, and I need to figure out how to fill up my own.

I read a blog recently that had me crying (I seem to be doing that a lot lately) and singing the praises of this beautiful writer who had to guts to say out loud, "Stop saying, writers write. Writers write whenever they can." God bless her.
http://www.jhmoncrieff.com/writers-we...

I fear we writers pressure each other without meaning to in how we talk so much of word count, how often we are at our desk, or with catchy phrases like "Writers write." But writers also have lives. Busy ones. Ones that sometimes make us tired and we need to tap out for a bit.

I've spent the last week looking at what drains me emotionally and physically. Truly picking apart my days to see what can go and what can stay. And I've discovered a funny thing. In doing so, I'm tapping out of stuff that really should have been ousted a long time ago and I'm enjoying things again like reading and funny thing...writing. Journaling. Toying with words and scenes. Stuff I used to do before I had deadlines and writing became work. On my calendar now, instead of saying "Work" or even "Write" I say "Create."

I think on some level we all get tired and need a break. We need to tap out for a bit. We are a world inundated with information, images, expectations. It's okay to step away. Think. Wander. Wonder. Be. This is the pot calling the kettle black here because I am learning again to do these things. Re-program my mind, day, and habits. And it isn't easy, but so far, it's been absolutely worth it. I am embracing time with family and friends, noticing more of the world around me and crazy enough, getting story ideas right and left.

I needed a doctor to tell me to slow down and rest. So, being the obedient patient I am, I believe it's time for a nap.

It Doesn't Get Easier

When I first started writing novels, I imagined I would get to the release day of a book and just sit back, relax, and enjoy the fruits of my labor.

Oh, how naive of me.

The third book in my Men of Honor series (Rescue Me), releases November 3rd. You would think by now I'd be calm and cool, totally used to this experience. Nope. Not so much. I'm still just as excited, nervous, terrified, and anxious as I was when I released my first book. It's scary to take something I've worked on for so long, put time and energy and emotion into, and release it out into the world.

I'm a character driving reader and writer. You can tell me a good story, but if I don't care about the people in the story, I'm out. I think that's where my angst comes from in releasing a book. I spend lots and lots of time with these characters before I write them and as I write them. They become friends. People I know well. And I want readers to like them as well. I want readers to have all the feels I do about these characters and their story.

But even with all the nerves, I wouldn't want to be doing anything else. I love writing. I do. I can handle the stress, the worry, the what ifs. Because I'm wired to do this. I have scenes and stories in my head that if I didn't get out on the page would drive me crazy. Literally. I'm a hot mess when I'm not writing. All the anxiety of a book release is just part of the deal. And I'll take it.

I imagine by my 20th book, this will be old hat. Release day will be just another day.

Oh, how naive of me...

Comparing

I have always loved this quote. But it's easier said than done to not look in other yards and think the grass is greener. 
As much as I like social media and how it helps authors like me reach out to readers, it's also where I can peek into other author's yards and think mine will never be as plush and perfect as theirs. Full of thousands of words written per day, gazillions of follwers, and book sales beyond the ability to count.
Don't get me wrong. I don't begrudge them success. At all. I am a fan of many of them and am happy to know they have another book coming out or that they won an award. I applaud whole-heartedly. 
But if I focus too much on what is happening in their yard, I miss all the flowers blooming in mine. Comparison really can be the death of joy. When I daily think of all I'm grateful for, in life as well as my career, my spirit is joyful. I have much to be thankful for. 
And no two journeys are the same. I am somewhat in the beginning of my publishing journey. Others have worked many years to be where they are. They deserve every blade of plush grass in their yard. They've paid blood, sweat and tears for it. I'm just in a different point on the writing path. And I can learn from them. What has worked, what hasn't. Be willing to admit I don't know it all, nor will I ever. Be humble.
So today I will look at my own To Do list, my own hurdles ahead as well as those that have been conquered. There is much to be thankful for and much to be done. Kudos to others on their journey. I applaud them, learn from them. And embrace that diversity of our yards. They're all beautiful, just different. And that's a good thing. 

CALL FOR REVIEWERS

I've created a review team, and I want YOU on it! I am providing early copies of my upcoming book, Rescue Me, to readers willing to read and write an HONEST review of the book. Email my assistant, Crystal, at vanhulzen.assistant@gmail.com for more info!

Happy Reading!
Lara

The Journey And The Destination

We have all seen in some form of another the inspirational quote that says something like, "It's the journey that matters, not the destination." 
I know this is true, but I'm a forward thinker. I like the destination. I have to be very intentional about embracing the moment, or in this case, the journey. 
I like finishing. Mid project is tough place for me to live. But if I'm honest with myself, it's where I am happiest. I have three projects going right now. I'm releasing my next book soon, editing one, and writing the next one. I'm busy. And on some days, stressed. But I'm blissfully happy. And I know it sounds weird but I have to remind myself of that. Because I feel as if I just want things done. But as great as done feels, I get antsy. 
So, as much as I agree with the popularr quote, I like the journey and the destination. I want to embrace both. I'm blissfully happy when I'm knee deep in writing a book, but it also feels pretty damn good when I've reached my destination and the book is done.  

A Writer Must Write

I have heard people say if a writer is procrastinating or not always pulled towards their work chair, they aren't a writer. That bugs me. A lot. Because I can procrastinate with the best of them and I am most certainly not always pulled towards my work chair. 
And I'm a writer.
Here's the thing (and I'm sure I've said it before) - a writer is always writng. I am always watching people for character ideas. I am always thinking up scenes in my head. I'm jotting things down on the notes app in my phone or on a notepad I carry in my purse. 
I don't believe writing is only defined by how many words are put on a page in a day or how many hours are spent over a computer keyboard. 
However, a writer must write. I may procrastinate and my butt may not be drawn to my office chair every moment of every day, but I must write. 
I was in between working on books recently and noticed I was gettng quite cranky and frustrated. And about the silliest llittle things in life. I was antsy. And I couldn't figure out why. Then I noticed that after I wrote a blog or even scribbled in my journal, I was better. 
I must write. 
I am now worknig on another book and although that brings it's own set of stress, I'm much calmer. Focused. When I'm writing, all that stuff swirlling around my head has somehwere to land. Not unlike Professor Dumbledore in the Harry Potter series when he takes his memories and thoughts from his head with his wand and stores them in a cauldron. Sadly, I don't have a magic wand or a cauldron, but I do have a pen and paper. And that works for me. 
I must write. 

Enjoy The Ride

I was writing a review recently for a book I'd just read and loved. As I posted it on Amazon, I decided to read through some of the other reviews people had written. I was a book reviewer for 16 years so I enjoy reading reviews. (And yes, I believe there is a good way and bad way to write reviews, but that's a whole other blog post.) I like reading the positive and negative reviews to sort of compare and contrast. However, there seems to be a pattern to the negative ones.

1) The book is not in a genre the person usually reads - I love this one. I'm a romance writer and I find it hilarious when I read a review that says "It was so gushy and romantic! Life isn't really like that." Well, for one, real life CAN be like that and two, what exactly did you think you were reading when you chose A ROMANCE? Understand the genre you're reviewing. 
2) The reader tries to relate TOO much to the characters in the story - The book I just read was a suspenseful thriller. Every character was a hot mess. It's a huge part of what made the story great. One reviewer said they couldn't relate to the characters, that these weren't people they would know in their own life. My first response was, "Then be grateful! These characters were psychopathic killers!" That reviewer is certainly entitled to his or her opinion, but I thought part of the thrill ride was to read about these people, be outside of the world I live in, and enjoy the ride. Not unlike a scary funhouse at a carnival. 
3) The person barely read the book and just wants to spew an opinion (Sadly, it happens more than one would think) - This chaps me the most. I read A LOT. And in my book reviewing days, I had to read lots of genres that weren't my thing, books I trudged through, and ones that were downright tough to read. But I read them. Cover to cover. Because even if I wasn't crazy about the book, the author deserved for me to read it before giving my opinion. 
When did reading books stop being fun? I'm all for book group discussions and varying opinions. That's one of the many things that makes reading so great - the stories affect each reader differently. But we have become so critical. I read to escape. Take my brain away from work or a stressful week. I want to be swept somewhere else. Have fun with the story. Enjoy using my imagination. It seems that now everyone just wants to read to critique.

Read. Enjoy. Get frustrated with the characters. Question the plot twists. Write a review. But before you do, take a moment and think about the author who poured blood, sweat, and tears into putting those words on the page. Writers know how to take criticism just as well as praise. We really do. But we also really want to know you enjoyed the ride.

Adjusting My Focus

I'm an extrovert. I like people. Talking to people, meeting new friends, hearing people's stories. So I really do enjoy social media.

But lately I have started to feel like it rules me and my time instead of the other way around. And not only does it suck away time in my day, it also gives me blurry vision. I get so much in my head that I can't focus anymore on one thing at a time. There are a few things that help me find my focus again: 
1) Re-organize my phone - I don't know about you but I live and die by the info and apps on my phone. And if all my social media is right there on the home screen staring me down, begging to be looked at, I cave. I keep the stuff I truly need on the front page and make the distracting stuff harder the find.
2) Turn off notifications -  I did this a few months ago when I noticed how stressed I was. I'm the type that sees that little number next to my email app or Facebook and feels I HAVE to check, and return, every email right then. Or I need to see what notifications are on social media immediately. Without the notifications on, I can check when I want without that little red number staring me down every time I look at my phone. 
3) Set a timer when on social media - I decided to check my social media 3 times a day for 15 min each time. So that's it. I go in, set my 15 minute timer, do my thing, then done. 45 minutes in a whole day is more than enough time for me to check my author sites, chat with people, post some stuff and move on. 
Since doing the above I've noticed: - I'm more in the moment. My phone is away and I'm focused on what I'm doing or who I'm with. My brain isn't full of stuff I just read on social media. And I'm not wondering all the time if I'm missing something. Because I'm not. It's there at my next 15 minute session. - I enjoy the time on social media more. I'm giving it my full attention, so I'm getting more out if it. - I'm more in touch with the world around me. Instead of immediately pulling out my phone and checking facebook while I stand in line at the store, I actually chat with the person behind me or I flip through a magazine like I used to in the "old days." 
I have no problem with social media. Like I said, I enjoy it. But I'm not productive in my life or work with fuzzy vision. I need to make sure I control my time, not let my mind get blurry. Adjust my focus.

One Day At A Time

 

I'm back in my office this week after about a month off. This sounds decadent, I know, but I'm a writer. We don't truly ever take a complete month off. It simply means I wasn't strapped to my desk with a deadline looming over my head, which in and of itself WAS quite decadent. We spent time on vacation and a week in Tahoe with my side of the family for a reunion. I got to see my four nephews, who I adore, and soak in family time.

 

With a 17 year-old daughter and 15 year-old twin boys, my schedule is not simple. It's not terrible either. It's really quite manageable. But the summer is a time I struggle to buckle down and work. You see, I like my kids. A lot. They're actually my favorite people to hang out with. And summer rocks because they're home. We watch Friends and The Office. We swim in the pool and play Monopoly. We eat ice cream and chat about whotheir favorite pro wrestler is, or if they think Friends should have gone on for another season. Important, life-changing stuff.

 

But alas, deadlines called to me once again and so I was back in my office today. Don't get me wrong. I love what I do. Love it. Super grateful I GET to do it. And over the past month I've chewed on story ideas, scribbled down scenes that pop in my head, and sketched characters. (We writers really are always writing.) But I sort of panicked today. I have quite a bit to do in the upcoming months. Projects I've worked hard on, opportunities I'm beyond grateful for, and potential stuff I've dreamed of doing for years. All good. But my stress creeps in when I look at all that stuff in one big jumble. It's messy and I hate mess. I'm very orderly.

 

So, I did what I always do. I started to plan. I'm a ducks in a row kind of girl. And the funny thing is, as soon as I started to map out a plan and look at these projects as daily training for the marathon rather than sprint through, it looked doable. Because...well, it is.

 

A few years ago I decided to see how much of a half marathon I could run. I'd walked it twice but wanted to push myself some. I'm a glutton for punishment that way. Whenever I thought about 13.1 miles I started to panic, much like when I thought about all the projects currently on my plate. But when I looked at the daily amount of miles I needed to run to work up to 13.1, it seemed doable. So, I took it one day at a time and eventually did my half marathon. Box checked.

 

I'm a forward thinker. I have to work at being in the moment. I'm getting better at it, but it's still something I have to be intentional about. But life is a marathon, not a sprint. I want to embrace each moment of each day. Whether it's listening to my kids laugh while I make dinner or sit and write for two hours because that's my "training" for the day. I want to take it one step at a time and soak it all in. And eventually, that book gets written or project gets done. With little to no stress, chipping away a little at a time.

Keep It Simple

I have three kids. A daughter who is 17 and twin boys who will be 15 next week. (I call them Girly and Thing 1 and Thing 2) I'm an extrovert, totally. My husband, not so much. Our kids are what I would deem outgoing introverts. I'm their mother. They're going to be a tad outgoing. But their core nature is introverted. Alone time charges them. 
Thing 2 is pretty quiet. He's sharp as a tack, witty, and funny as hell. He misses nothing. 
And all of my kids are pretty good about not being social media crazy. (Which I am uber grateful for.) But Thing 2 is the most sensitive to when we as a family get trapped in our world of always staring at our phones. 
Thing 1 and Thing 2's birthday is in a week. We were chatting this morning about what they wanted to do. The extrovert in me was talking about a party, a weekend outing, a big event. Thing 2 looked at me and said, "Mom, I don't need all that. Can I just chill with a friend?" 
Huh??
It took me a few minutes to try and wrap my head around this concept. No fanfare? No parade? No party? 
As I thought about it more I realized how grateful I am to this child. He keeps me grounded. He keeps his life simple. He focuses on the people right in front of him, not distracted by his phone or social media. He is contentment personified. 
I'm in awe of what I learn from my kids. 
I'm about to sit down and write my next book. And the lead up to that is so much more stressful that actually writing the thing. Truly. 
But I need to take a lesson from my son. Just chill. Don't get distracted. Be in the moment. Embrace what is. It all works out as it should.