Lara Van Hulzen's Blog, page 10
October 17, 2014
10 Day Release Celebration: Day 4
Today’s quote…
“Ben stood on the deck, staring at the surfboard Mike had laid out for him in the sand. What was he thinking? Surfing looked hard. And yet a part of him sensed he’d done it before.” —Ben, Remember Me
Drop by the Facebook Fan Page and answer today’s question to be entered to win a signed print and gift card!
October 16, 2014
10 Day Release Celebration: Day 3
Today’s quote…
“She looked out toward the water. ‘I believe we meet God in places that aren’t always buildings. For me, sometimes church is out there.’ She motioned to the water with her chin.” —Tess, Remember Me
Drop by the Facebook Fan Page and answer today’s question to be entered to win a signed print and gift card!
October 15, 2014
10 DAY RELEASE CELEBRATION
October 14th was release day for my debut novel, Remember Me! And to celebrate I’m hosting a ten day giveaway celebration on my Facebook fan page. Each day I’ll be giving away a signed print copy of Remember Me along with a $5 Amazon gift card to go towards keeping that Kindle of yours loaded up!
Every day I’ll post a quote from the book along with a question. Answer the question and you’re entered. Better yet, none of the daily giveaways will close until October 25th! This means you have twelve days to enter all ten daily giveaways, that’s ten times you can be entered to win a copy of Remember Me plus a gift card. Come buy and check it out!
Today’s quote…
“To her surprise, he was sitting up in the chair next to the bed, wearing his jeans and boots, but no shirt. Her breath caught at the sight of him. Apparently backpacking through – wherever he’d been – had helped him keep the muscular physique he’d always been proud of.” —Tess, Remember Me
Drop by the Facebook Fan Page and answer today’s question to be entered!
June 30, 2014
Living Without Facebook. Day 10
Well, it’s my final day. I feel like the earth should rumble or something monumental should’ve happened, but it didn’t. Just a regular old day. However, what was missing was a constant sense that I need to check Facebook. I just did my day. Vacation officially ended as of this morning so I’m back home. And I was busy. Too busy to even think about checking Facebook let alone post anything. I thought about going to Crossfit, getting groceries, getting my son to drum lessons and getting caught up in my office. I lived life, plain and simple.
But I still learned a few things:
People really feel they can post anything on social media. And that goes for everything, not just Facebook. And they post it simply because they can. No thought of it being offensive or rude or received poorly. They just say it because in a sense, we don’t have to really live with any kind of reaction out of anyone. But that doesn’t mean it DOESN’T offend or bother or hurt someone. So I’m just as responsible for anything I put on social media, whether it’s a post or a response to someone. I’m going to be extremely careful about that now.
I haven’t been at Crossfit for a bit because of vacation. And it was so fun to go back and actually talk to people without knowing their lives because I’ve been on Facebook. Do I love seeing their pics and posts normally? Sure. But it was so much more enjoyable this way – face to face conversation, hugs and connecting on a much more personal level.
Social media is just too much information. Yes, I was on other sites these past few days while taking a break from Facebook, but I did notice how overloaded I feel when I check too often. And I don’t want to be overloaded anymore. I have a husband, three kids, a household to run and books I want to write. I don’t want to be selfish, but I do want to make sure I put them first in my mind and in my actions.
So, it’s been a great experiment. One I’m really glad I did. It has changed the way I view social media and how I relate to it. How I interact with others through it. I’ve changed. And I like that.
June 29, 2014
Living Without Facebook. Day 9
Here’s what I learned today:
I don’t miss the drama. I’m happy to admit that my life doesn’t have a lot of drama. And I think that’s partly intentional. I used to thrive on it as a teen. I was a self professed drama queen. That’s probably one reason I’m a writer. I have somewhere for all the scenes in my head to go. But I believe I’ve grown out of it. Years ago I made a conscious decision to stop gossiping, listening to gossip and remove myself from people and situations who like to gossip. It’s amazing how much less drama is in my life because of this. So when I go on Facebook and someone is upset about a random call in a sports game they just watched, I immediately want to jump into the conversation. But when I do, I find myself worked up all day long over it. Why? Who cares? When football season rolls around I will definitely have enough drama on my plate. I don’t need added garbage that’s random and has nothing to do with me. No more drama.
I’m not gonna lie. As I started telling friends about my experiment, I wanted them to say, “Wow! That’s such a great idea. I’m going to do the same.” I realize that’s just the part of my personality that doesn’t want to miss anything so if ALL of my friends weren’t on Facebook, I wouldn’t miss anything, right? But that’s not fair of me to expect or ask. My relationship with Facebook is my own, just as theirs is their own.
Which leads me to thinking about what kind of relationship Facebook and I are going to have when the ten days is up. And I think I’ve come to a conclusion I can live with. I’m going to make sure I get notifications from the people I really want to hear from and then every few days or so just check my notifications, not read through an entire list of posts. I may scroll through every week or two, but for the most part, I want to stay where I am. Focused on my family, friends and the people in my immediate sphere of life. I like it here. It’s peaceful. Calm. And low drama.
June 28, 2014
Living Without Facebook. Day 8
Here’s what I learned today without Facebook.
I don’t miss it as much as I thought I would.
I actually will miss out on getting some information. But if it’s important to my life, I’ll find out about it somehow. For example, my close friend was almost in a car accident this morning. She posted that on Facebook but I didn’t see it, of course. She called me later to tell me all about it. She’s fine, thank God, and all is well. Then we made plans to get together sometime next week. I hung up and thought, “Huh. I could’ve missed out on a great phone conversation and a chance to make face-to-face plans if I’d seen her post and just commented there.” I liked the phone call much better.
I think I’ve said this before but I love photographs. I get it from my mother. She takes pictures all the time. And I love it. Today, every photo I took I did so with the mindset of putting it in a family photo album for us to enjoy later. Never once did I think about whether it was something to post or not. My mind didn’t even go there. Huge improvement in my opinion.
I still wonder what life will look like when I get back to my daily grind and am not on vacation anymore. I have a feeling I’ll want to stick to the little or no Facebook plan even more so because life gets busy. And I want to be present and accounted for when it does.
June 27, 2014
Living Without Facebook. Day 7
So, I’ve gone a full week without Facebook. And here’s what I learned today:
My strong desire to go on Facebook has faded into a dull curiosity as opposed to a strong sense that if I don’t, I’ll miss something important. And that curiosity lasts for about a minute and then I move on.
When I’m bored is the number one time I want to check it. And quite frankly, I don’t get bored often and I find something to do pretty quickly. Even on vacation when life is moving much slower than “normal” life, it’s not tough for me to turn to a book, a crossword or a game with my kids. And those things are WAY more positive than Facebook for me.
As I’ve gone through the week, I’ve chatted with people about my experiment and it’s been enlightening to hear what they have to say in response. One friend said she’s noticed how it affects her marriage because they were checking it before bed instead of talking to one another. So they stopped. Another friend says she checks it once a week and moves on.
It has truly changed how we function as a society. I was on a breakfast date with my son this morning and a guy came into the tiny restaurant and saw a woman he knew who was working on her computer. They started chatting and she said something about a hiking adventure she’d just experienced. His response was, “Oh yeah. I saw that on Facebook.” The conversation took a nosedive after that. I found it funny. And kind of sad. Here these two people could have had a great face to face conversation about her adventure but instead it was a been there, seen it thing and the conversation died.
I’m really not trying to be a Debbie Downer about Facebook. I know there are positives to it. I’m connected with friends from high school I would have never found otherwise and we love to talk about our kids and their activities and our lives. And I’m a photo person so I love to see friend’s pics when a baby is born or a child graduates college. (Hence the reason I adore Instagram) But I worry about my obsession with it. My NEED to be on it and see every single thing posted. I don’t like that. It’s something that’s controlling me instead of me controlling it and I try to be very aware of that in my life and take action to change.
I have felt the shift from being controlled to being the one in control over the past week and quite frankly, it’s pretty freeing. As I head into the end of my ten days, I’ve been thinking about how I will interact with Facebook once I’m back from vacation and into my normal schedule again. Will I only check once a week? Will I be able to be in control instead of the other way around? Will I even want to go on it at all?
How often do you check Facebook? Does it control you or do you control it?
June 26, 2014
Living Without Facebook. Day 6
Yesterday I found myself cranky and itching to go on Facebook.
Today I’m melancholy and have zero desire to be anywhere near it.
What changed? A conversation with someone close to me about how what is posted can make us feel. You see, when we only post the happy, wonderful times in our lives, others start to think we never struggle. And if we only post the woe is me moments, then others just think we’re always in the dumps. But that’s the bottom line problem here I think. What is perceived on Facebook by those who read our posts is important. I thought I was being careful about what I was putting on there, but to know that someone I care deeply about was perceiving things in a way that was negative makes me never want to post again. Dramatic? Maybe. But I believe I found my reason why Facebook is so much more of an emotional experience than any other social media. We can give the appearance of a certain existence. And in a world where comparisons are huge, it can be destructive, not productive.
I’ve felt that way for a long time about authors. I love to follow other writers on social media. It’s fun to hear about what they are writing and when new books are coming out. But I noticed a trend about a year ago that caused me to stop following many of them. Posting how many words they wrote that day was the thing to do. And I found myself horribly depressed if I didn’t write 5,000 words a day because obviously everyone else was, even in the midst of laundry, day jobs, kids, etc. I was comparing myself and my day to theirs and I never, ever added up. Even when I HAD a productive writing day. It was never enough.
In talking to friends about my ten day experiment I find that many say the same thing, Facebook is overwhelming. It’s just too much information. And we think it’s living life but it isn’t. This morning I read Jamie Ford’s Top Five Writing Tips. http://www.novelicious.com/2014/06/to.... Number four caught my eye. It’s amazing how each day since I decided to do this experiment, something has come across my line of vision or via a conversation about social media and how it affects people. Number four says “Having a deep well of experiences to draw from is invaluable. The Internet allows us to learn about everything, but experience nothing. Unplug. Go outside. Feel something.”
I think the main thing I learned today is I approach relationships differently when off Facebook. In a conversation with my teenage daughter I said, “Stop focusing on these people on Facebook who aren’t close, true friends. Concentrate on the ones who are there for you, who love you and encourage you.” The minute those words left my mouth I thought, “Huh, I might want to take my own advice.” There are people on Facebook I care about, yes. But I’m not focusing on the ones right in front of my face because I’m too wrapped up in a friend of a friend of a friend who posted about their dog getting bit by a spider.
This morning I wrote in my journal, sipped coffee and watched the USA World Cup match. I helped my husband choose where to plant trees in the backyard. Then I had lunch with my husband and spent the afternoon at a movie with my daughter. And I didn’t post any of it. Why? Because let’s face it, nobody cares about that but me. And quite frankly, I’m getting kind of used to my life being just mine again.
June 25, 2014
Living Without Facebook. Day 5
For whatever reason, I’m super cranky today and have found myself wanting to check Facebook over and over and over again. I kept trying to think through why because truthfully, it was ruining my day, but the best I could come up with is my number one issue all along – I always feel like I’m missing something. But why? Do you know where I was when I was pondering all of this? I was out on the water sailing on a gorgeous sailboat. The wind in my face, the sun on my shoulders with nothing but peace and quiet. And I was battling in my head about damn Facebook. Who does that?
In my vast wisdom, I thought maybe a quick peek would end my crankiness so I could move on with my day. So I peeked. For 30 seconds. And you know what happened? I got crankier. I saw a picture posted by a romance author I love and read a comment below that was stupid and totally not even in line with the picture posted. I felt the need to comment and say something positive because a) this author is super cool and b) I loathe people who think they can just say anything because it’s social media so other people’s feelings aren’t involved or they think it makes them sound smart of whatever…
Anyway, I was on there for 30 seconds and found myself way crankier than when I started the day. And then I started down the path of wondering how I will handle people’s comments when I publish and can I be thick skinned enough and so on and so on… Again, Facebook took me down a mental path that led me nowhere but frustrated and upset. Bleh.
I’m not so sure I learned much today other than I have more to think about. What is it about Facebook over other social media sites that gets me this worked up? I go on twitter and I’m fine. I love Instagram. Pictures from friends and family doing fun stuff or just sharing their beautiful faces. Love. So what’s the difference?
I’m open to suggestions…..
June 24, 2014
Living Without Facebook. Day 4
Here’s what I learned today without Facebook:
This may sound weird but I’m calmer. I know I’m on vacation and that could be a huge part of it, but I truly believe it’s also because I”m not always thinking about someone else’s life. That takes more brain power and energy than you realize. I’m having fun with my family, I’m writing, reading, journaling. I’m doing all the things I normally do but without the distraction of hundreds of other lives that really have nothing to do with me.
We ran into friends today who are vacationing here, same as we are. And it was SO nice to have a conversation with them about how long they’re here, what they’re seeing and doing without already knowing because it wasn’t posted on social media. It was a genuine, authentic, good old fashioned conversation between friends. And I’m still on a bit of a high about it, quite frankly.
Life is just simpler. I’m slowly losing the habit to post everything. I’ve lived with the mindset for so long of always weighing what I’m doing as being “postable” or not. I’m just living. Doing. Being. Experiencing. I’m not deciding if it’s something suitable for the “reality show” or not. It just is. And I like it this way.
