Lara Van Hulzen's Blog, page 11

Living Without Facebook. Day 3

I’m not gonna lie. I cheated.

I went on Facebook, but I promise I have a good reason. It’s connected to my Goodreads account and that was bugging me so I had to go on and disconnect it. I’m not really sure why I connected them in the first place. I hate how Facebook posts what book I just read with a huge picture of the cover. This makes no sense, I’ll admit, but I don’t necessarily want all my Facebook friends knowing what I’m reading. Goodreads people? Not a problem. Facebook. No bueno.

Anyway, this is what I learned today:

In the few moments I was on Facebook to disconnect my Goodreads account, I saw pictures of my good friend from a photo shoot she and her husband did with their new baby. This made me happy beyond words. Which gives a point towards Facebook for today. (See, I’m not trying to be completely negative.)
I don’t like the sense of exclusion Facebook can cultivate. My daughter and I talked today about how there are groups of kids (and adults are this way as well) who post pictures of a party or event, therefore those NOT attending get to see what they missed and have rubbed in their face the fact that they a) weren’t invited or b) couldn’t go and missed out. Adults are guilty of this as well. In the movie The Jane Austen Book Club, there’s a scene where one of the main characters is explaining to her husband that she doesn’t want to go to an event because an old high school nemesis will be there. He says to her, “Honey, high school is over.” She looks at him and says, “High School is never over.” I absolutely love that line. I steal it all the time. And Facebook only keeps that truth churning. We’re all still trying to be the cool kid, hang with the cool kid or make the cook kid look bad.
I’ve chatted with friends and they too are toying with less time on social media. One friend told me she feels it pulls her from time in prayer and meditation. Hmmm, in my book those are WAY better than reading about what so-and-so saw at the gas station this morning. Another writer friend agreed that it Facebook is a huge distraction when sitting down to the computer to write.
I think the bottom line vibe I’m getting so far is focus. Facebook keeps us constantly looking over the fence into the next person’s backyard causing us to avoid our own. An escape? Maybe for some. But probably more of a distraction. My daughter is thrilled to be on this vacation with us, but admits to struggling with having the knowledge of what all her friends are doing all the time. So she feels she’s missing out on something. She walks away from her phone (God bless her) and spends time with us, lives in the moment. But it’s still tough and I get it. And I’m proud of her. I’ve gone 2 1/2 days and I’m acting like an addict who needs a fix. I’m 41. She’s 16. Her maturity is inspiring. I need to focus on my own backyard more.

 

We’ll see what tomorrow brings…

Living Without Facebook. Day 2

Today was my second full day without Facebook.

And this is what I learned:

My husband is not on Facebook. And for a few reasons. For one, he’s in a business where it’s just safer and smarter to not be there. And for two, in his words, “He has to deal with people all day. The last thing he wants in the evening is to chat with 200 of his ‘BFF’s’.” (He’s not an extrovert. At all.) But a few of the people from his work are my friends on Facebook. And on Mondays he has to deal with them saying, “Saw that you did “such and such” this weekend.” Drives him absolutely nuts. He just doesn’t like people knowing everything we are doing all the time. I’m an extrovert you see and for the most part, this doesn’t bother me. At all. But it does now. I see his point. Why do I need everyone in the world knowing exactly what I’m doing all the time?
In the same vein, I have found it gets old to see someone I haven’t seen in lets say, a week, and try to strike up a conversation but discover we don’t have anything to talk about because “we saw that on Facebook.” I love looking at my friend’s Europe trip pics as much as the next person as it’s catalogued on Facebook, but find it much more fun to talk about it in person when they get home.
I don’t miss 8 million selfies, many in bikinis, from the numerous friends I have under the age of 25.
Facebook has wasted an enormous amount of the time I could be working on my writing. In only two days, I’ve noticed that I can avoid it pretty well on my phone or iPad, but when I sit down to my computer to work, my fingers itch to type in Facebook before I do anything else. And I KNOW I waste at least 30 minutes (or more), sadly, that could be spent getting actual writing done. I can tell myself all I want I’m on there to update my author page (which takes 10 seconds) or check in on other authors (which feeds the stress that I’m not good enough) but I’ll be honest, it is bottom line a huge waste of time.
We live in a reality show world. And because of that, we all believe our lives are just that fascinating to everyone else. But you know what? They’re not. I can post pics of my vacation and some people might smile and “like” them but for the most part, no one gives a crap. Let’s face it, they’re wrapped up in their own lives and posts. Mainly my mom and my few closets friends REALLY want to see the pics but I could just email or text them to those people. I don’t need 15 minutes of fame. Even from Facebook.
On the whole, people are really nice. It the past two days, I have talked to more waiters and waitresses, people helping me at the grocery store, people waiting in line with me at the grocery store and I’ve taken tons of pics for groups of people on vacation who want everyone in the photo. As they’ve done the same for me and my family, we chat. I know they’re on an anniversary trip or a family reunion. I learn that the waitress is having her first baby, a girl, in two months and is super scared but excited so we talked mom stuff. The lady working at the grocery store is pumped because she’s almost done with her shift and headed to the Journey concert tonight. Fun! All of these people I would have simply ignored otherwise because my head would’ve been bent over my stupid phone checking my Facebook page.

I really don’t mean for this to be ten days of bashing Facebook. It’s not. I am just beyond amazed at all I’m discovering in only being off of it for a short time. There’s this big world out there and we think we’re experiencing it by posting things and reading posts, but we’re not. The world is passing us by and we’re missing it. And I don’t want to miss it anymore.

 

Living Without Facebook. Day 1

We are on vacation for ten days. Just me, the hubby, the kids and the little dog in a cabin in the mountains. It’s pure heaven. We completely unplug when we are here. Detox. We have meals together, we talk, play board games, watch movies, nap and laugh a lot.

And I’ve decided for the entire ten days I will not check Facebook or post anything. Not once. The entire time.

This may not sound like a tremendously scary concept to many but for me, when the thought first came to me, I broke out into a cold sweat. I’m not proud of it, but I willingly admit to a quasi addiction to the social media site. I had the app on my phone and iPad and could obviously check it anytime I was on the computer. A few weeks ago, when the idea wormed it’s way into my head that maybe, just maybe, I was addicted, I took the app off my phone and iPad. This helped a little, but I still checked it on my computer and in the spirit of full disclosure, pulled it up on safari on my phone. So basically the taking the apps off thing didn’t really work. It slowed me down a bit but didn’t stop me.

As our vacation approached I thought about what it would be like to not go on Facebook at all the entire time. Not unlike other challenges I’ve concocted in my life, once this one emerged, there was no going back. I would have deemed myself pathetic if I hadn’t at least tried for the ten days.

So I created a 12 step program to help me get through:

12 Step Program For Getting Off Facebook

Have good magazines to read
Have a favorite beverage nearby
Great music playing is always a good distraction
Snacks (duh)
Have friends to text when feeling witty
Have a dog to snuggle
Read a great romance novel
Journal
Sunshine (This cures more than you’d think)
Great movies/TV shows to watch
A competitive Scrabble game or crossword that challenges your mind
Live life instead of reading about everyone else’s and don’t share any of the above in a post.

After packing yesterday, I got on Facebook one last time to say my goodbyes. Then I turned off my computer and walked away. The first few hours weren’t so bad but I think that’s because I was distracted by getting five of us and a dog into two cars and drive to the mountains. I noticed the void most once we settled in for the evening.

And this is what I’ve noticed so far:

I’m much more in the moment. Because my mind isn’t split between what is happening in front of me and what might be happening on Facebook, I’m not torn.
I’m having great random conversations with my family. I don’t feel this sudden urge while talking to someone to go check my phone.
I’m enjoying things like crosswords, magazines and games that challenge my mind instead of wasting emotional and mental armies on an acquaintance who’s dog got bit by a spider or what a friend of a friend had for lunch.
I’m listening to great music and chilling out. Thinking. I can’t remember the last time I did that and I miss it. A lot.
I’m making more of an effort to send actual emails and texts and call people on the phone (ancient form of communication, I know) to have a full and complete conversation.
I’m taking pictures and not wanting to share them with the world. They’re mine. They’re going in a photo album.

Now you might think I’m noble and if so, I’m okay with that. But I’m still on twitter and Instagram. I know that just popped my nobility balloon but here’s the thing: I truly enjoy those. They don’t make me feel angry or frustrated or discontent. (Well, twitter sometimes, but it’s rare.) Twitter is a fun way to put random comments out into the void and for the most part no one responds so there’s no pressure. It doesn’t make me narcissistic. (Because let’s face it, the main reason any of us go on Facebook is to see who’s commented on our posts or liked them.) And Instagram is my new favorite. Why? Because I only follow who I want and I’m like Fort Knox about who follows me. And it’s only photos. No links to weird stuff/ads or photos that shock you and ruin your day or political garbage or well, basically all the crap you can post or see on Facebook.

Will I ever go back on Facebook? Probably. But I want to make sure I think long and hard about why and how often.

For now, I’ll just blog about my ten days and go from there…