Jay Royston's Blog, page 14
May 2, 2015
The Other Off Season Game Plan - Oilers Edition
Big disclaimer - I know very little about hockey as compared to Scott Cullen, residential fanatic analytic expert (read; stats geek) over at TSN. But I do have an armchair and computer and also like to sit in front of it from time to time and think about our great game of hockey. So when I read that Scott is pulling together his personal game plan for each team in the NHL, I thought I would do the same, only not get paid for it.
But to do what Scott does it would mean I have some idea of what Scott is saying and either agree or disagree with him. I don't know any of these new stats that is all the talk this year. To me a Corsi will always be that type of dog the Queen has or a small moped. Nor do I know anything about the Oilers farm team or for that matter, anything about the team's morale. I'm just an outsider looking in, kinda like an unwanted therapist or that drunk guy sitting alone at the bar who wants to join your conversation but you don't want to appear rude.
So let's start with his first team to suffer the wrath of the new rage of analytic analysis for anal analytics; The Edmonton Oilers.
The Lottery
In case you've been living in a non-hockey vacuum, the Oilers were the recipient of the Connor McDavid sweepstakes. A kid so good there was legitimate talk of teams deliberately losing in order to have a better chance at the kid. It was embarrassing as shit with daily posting of TSN's percentage board in the final month of the season and fans in Buffalo and Toronto notoriously (and playfully) cheering on each home loss. It was like team management wanted their teams to lose. How else do you explain Toronto and Edmonton holding onto 'interim head coaches' since before Christmas? It reminded me of the classic Charlie Sheen movie, Major League.
And while everyone in hockeyland believed he was heading a couple hours down the road to be the McJesues of Buffalo, it turns out the hockey gods love a good joke more than Gary Bettman and once again have decided to ship out a promising young talent to the northern hinterland of Edmonton.
Barring a great trade near draft day McDavid will be joining former #1 draft picks Taylor Hall, Jordan Eberle, Nail Yakupov and The Nuge in the City that Once Was Champions.
He's going to fit right in...The other surprise of this Spring for the Oilers that as soon as Peter Chiarelli was fired by the Bruins he was on a plane to Edmonton. He accepted the Oilers offer as soon as he cleared customs to become their Director of Hockey Operations, replacing the two headed monster of Kevin Lowe and Craig McTavish,
The DHO is becoming a new status symbol of sorts in the NHL, after the hiring of high profile former players Joe Sakic, Trevor Linden and Brendan Shanahan in Colorado, Vancouver and Toronto respectively. This once vague position sounds like the most powerful position on a sports team, higher than a general manager but lower than owner... so more like a 2 star general manager.
So where to start?
#1 Head Coach
No. Jon.Given this amazing talent pool of offence and egos in waiting, they need a coach that is used to both. For me Todd McClellan becomes an obvious pick. I'll add three more to the mix - Adam Oates is offense-oriented, worked quietly with Brett Hull and Ovie and despite having a winning season in Washington his one and done departure is somewhat strange. Marc Crawford might want another kick at the can. The other coach probably ready for a promotion is Detroit's farm team coach Jeff Blashill - also used to dealing with young talent and past-their-prime veterans.
While I hear Edmonton fans are masturbating to the idea of Mike Babcock coming to town, I don't think he's going to want to be dealing with a team where half of them will get carded if they go to a pub or high school library.
Oilers First Day of Training Camp #2 Forwards
With McDavid they will have 5 first liners, all under 25. One or two is trade bait. My picks - Hall and Yapukov. Yaps has under-produced but still young enough to attract some attention. My second pick would be Hall as looks to be apparent, the Oilers are going to become McDavid's team and I don't know if this day and age a Messier/Gretzky leadership combo could work. Hall would have to drop to the 2nd line and ...well...ego. I think the Nuge will flourish with McDavid so naturally, the Oilers will probably trade him first.
Reaction to being asked if Messier would have made a better captain.They obviously need veterans. Winning ones. One strong punishing line to keep the opposition in check. Upcoming free agents Soderberg, Belesky would be nice, affordable fits. Patrick Sharp may be available due to the Hawks tight cap situation. Whoever it is, they are going to be hired more for their experience than their price tag.
Patented Oilers Defensive coverage#3 Defence
Justin Schultz was a bust, considering the hoopla around his signing. Andrew Ference was the embattled captain for much of the year but he's getting old. Simply put, the Oilers have nobody of note on the blue line and they desperately need it - veterans who know how to move the puck to the opponents net and move bodies away from their own net. There is a few talented ones coming up but the Oilers don't need offensive defencemen - just someone who can pass it to a forward. Dion Phaneuf makes for great trade bait, he's used to Alberta's wonderful climate and deserves to get out of Toronto.
Two contenders battling not to play in Edmonton a couple years ago#4 Goalies
I say keep'm both. It's unfair to blame all of the Oiler woes on the goalie - give'm a second chance with a healthy Victor Fasth and an apology to rested Ben Scrivens. If you can't do that, try for Niemi. But by god, they need some defencemen to give them confidence that a rebound will be cleared once in awhile or someone will hang out in front of the net with them.
Let'm know young Billy is waitingSummary
The Oilers have no excuses not to do well this year - much like every year for the past five. If they have that strong foundation of veterans that can push the young kids back into their winning ways that made them draft picks they have a chance at making the playoffs. The Colorado Avalanche managed to do it with the arrival of Patrick Roy as head coach. As such, a lot depends on who the Oilers coach will be.
Ogie's Oilers
My #1 concern - Head Coach
My #2 concern - Veteran, tough defencemen
My #3 concern - Connor McDavid gets hurt in a freak bagpipe cleaning accident.
But to do what Scott does it would mean I have some idea of what Scott is saying and either agree or disagree with him. I don't know any of these new stats that is all the talk this year. To me a Corsi will always be that type of dog the Queen has or a small moped. Nor do I know anything about the Oilers farm team or for that matter, anything about the team's morale. I'm just an outsider looking in, kinda like an unwanted therapist or that drunk guy sitting alone at the bar who wants to join your conversation but you don't want to appear rude.
So let's start with his first team to suffer the wrath of the new rage of analytic analysis for anal analytics; The Edmonton Oilers.
The Lottery
In case you've been living in a non-hockey vacuum, the Oilers were the recipient of the Connor McDavid sweepstakes. A kid so good there was legitimate talk of teams deliberately losing in order to have a better chance at the kid. It was embarrassing as shit with daily posting of TSN's percentage board in the final month of the season and fans in Buffalo and Toronto notoriously (and playfully) cheering on each home loss. It was like team management wanted their teams to lose. How else do you explain Toronto and Edmonton holding onto 'interim head coaches' since before Christmas? It reminded me of the classic Charlie Sheen movie, Major League.
And while everyone in hockeyland believed he was heading a couple hours down the road to be the McJesues of Buffalo, it turns out the hockey gods love a good joke more than Gary Bettman and once again have decided to ship out a promising young talent to the northern hinterland of Edmonton.
Barring a great trade near draft day McDavid will be joining former #1 draft picks Taylor Hall, Jordan Eberle, Nail Yakupov and The Nuge in the City that Once Was Champions.
He's going to fit right in...The other surprise of this Spring for the Oilers that as soon as Peter Chiarelli was fired by the Bruins he was on a plane to Edmonton. He accepted the Oilers offer as soon as he cleared customs to become their Director of Hockey Operations, replacing the two headed monster of Kevin Lowe and Craig McTavish,The DHO is becoming a new status symbol of sorts in the NHL, after the hiring of high profile former players Joe Sakic, Trevor Linden and Brendan Shanahan in Colorado, Vancouver and Toronto respectively. This once vague position sounds like the most powerful position on a sports team, higher than a general manager but lower than owner... so more like a 2 star general manager.
So where to start?
#1 Head Coach
No. Jon.Given this amazing talent pool of offence and egos in waiting, they need a coach that is used to both. For me Todd McClellan becomes an obvious pick. I'll add three more to the mix - Adam Oates is offense-oriented, worked quietly with Brett Hull and Ovie and despite having a winning season in Washington his one and done departure is somewhat strange. Marc Crawford might want another kick at the can. The other coach probably ready for a promotion is Detroit's farm team coach Jeff Blashill - also used to dealing with young talent and past-their-prime veterans.While I hear Edmonton fans are masturbating to the idea of Mike Babcock coming to town, I don't think he's going to want to be dealing with a team where half of them will get carded if they go to a pub or high school library.
Oilers First Day of Training Camp #2 Forwards With McDavid they will have 5 first liners, all under 25. One or two is trade bait. My picks - Hall and Yapukov. Yaps has under-produced but still young enough to attract some attention. My second pick would be Hall as looks to be apparent, the Oilers are going to become McDavid's team and I don't know if this day and age a Messier/Gretzky leadership combo could work. Hall would have to drop to the 2nd line and ...well...ego. I think the Nuge will flourish with McDavid so naturally, the Oilers will probably trade him first.
Reaction to being asked if Messier would have made a better captain.They obviously need veterans. Winning ones. One strong punishing line to keep the opposition in check. Upcoming free agents Soderberg, Belesky would be nice, affordable fits. Patrick Sharp may be available due to the Hawks tight cap situation. Whoever it is, they are going to be hired more for their experience than their price tag.
Patented Oilers Defensive coverage#3 Defence Justin Schultz was a bust, considering the hoopla around his signing. Andrew Ference was the embattled captain for much of the year but he's getting old. Simply put, the Oilers have nobody of note on the blue line and they desperately need it - veterans who know how to move the puck to the opponents net and move bodies away from their own net. There is a few talented ones coming up but the Oilers don't need offensive defencemen - just someone who can pass it to a forward. Dion Phaneuf makes for great trade bait, he's used to Alberta's wonderful climate and deserves to get out of Toronto.
Two contenders battling not to play in Edmonton a couple years ago#4 Goalies I say keep'm both. It's unfair to blame all of the Oiler woes on the goalie - give'm a second chance with a healthy Victor Fasth and an apology to rested Ben Scrivens. If you can't do that, try for Niemi. But by god, they need some defencemen to give them confidence that a rebound will be cleared once in awhile or someone will hang out in front of the net with them.
Let'm know young Billy is waitingSummaryThe Oilers have no excuses not to do well this year - much like every year for the past five. If they have that strong foundation of veterans that can push the young kids back into their winning ways that made them draft picks they have a chance at making the playoffs. The Colorado Avalanche managed to do it with the arrival of Patrick Roy as head coach. As such, a lot depends on who the Oilers coach will be.
Ogie's Oilers
My #1 concern - Head Coach
My #2 concern - Veteran, tough defencemen
My #3 concern - Connor McDavid gets hurt in a freak bagpipe cleaning accident.
April 19, 2015
The 'Are You An Emotionless Robot?' Test.
Because everybody needs to feel some love for some perfect strangers - Click to View and see how long you can hold out.... I got to 5... but then I watched it again....and again... and goddamn it, someone get me a tissue.
Hit me right in the feels
April 13, 2015
March 28, 2015
Advanced Reasonings - The NHL #1 Pick idea
So there was a bit of controversy over the idea of the Stanley Cup winner being awarded the #1 draft pick instead of the #1 Loser. Opinions ranged from 'worst hockey blog ever' to 'this guy is a fucking idiot'.
In days past, I might have been hurt to be so judged by people I don't know whose contribution to the dialogue of the future of the NHL is along the lines of 'the refereeing sucks' or 'I'm a Leafs fan' but those days are long gone.
Let me explore this idea a bit further.
Say your name is I don't know... Connor McConnor. Your parents have pushed you your whole life to become a hockey player. They've signed you up for hockey camps and dryland training. You've probably played some type of hockey for 50 weeks of any given year. You've put in the time and have earned the rewards as your star and talents rise. You are now estimated to be the top pick of the NHL draft. It's a day you've dreamed of, ever since you started watching the NHL. You were born about 18 years ago so you probably dreamed of playing for the Detroit Red Wings or alongside Sidney Crosby of the Pittsburgh Penguins but perennial Stanley Cup contenders when you were 10 years old.
Shouldn't you at least have the chance to play for them? Instead all your talents are going to be put into a team and a failed system that is going to need you to start producing immediately. They (and their fans) don't have time to wait for you to develop. Instead of playing and learning alongside your role models of Datsyuk and Crosby, it's going to be names like Tyler Ennis and Teddy Purcell. Not exactly awe-inspiring company for you to take your game to the highest level.
But in Bizzarro World, you are a complimentary prize to the victors of the Holy Grail, the Stanley Cup. You are put into a system that wins. You are surrounded by talent much like yourself. Crosby had Lemieux, Datsyuk had Yzerman. At the very least, you could go to the losers of the Finals, a nice conciliatory prize for that bunch of overachievers who nearly beat the odds.
plus, you might be able to play hockey against a real-life Bruin.
'But that just stacks an already-stacked team!' yelled one guy, although it was over the Internet and I had the volume turned down.
In our blessed era of Salary caps, it's near impossible to stack teams. Injuries, lucky streaks, a well-timed slap shot to the jaw can shatter your teeth and a team's playoff hopes.
And consider that all players can sign maximum entry level contracts for 3 years at a peak of $11 million (with bonuses) in total of those 3 years then it's a free-for-all. Market, salary cap, no-trade clauses dictate where you can decide to go. Chicago? Pretty hard with the large, long-term contracts of Toews, Kane, Hossa, Keith. Toronto may offer you double. Florida, triple. Does Detroit even want you?
Maybe he could work in the off-season as a delivery driver for this guy. But this won't happen. I get it. The NHL #1 pick is coveted by teams with no hope of winning actual games anymore, instead relying on the 'future' talents of a kid who can't buy himself an alcoholic drink anywhere he plays pro. Instead we have TSN and it's Lottery Watch. A side-show of opinions and talking heads putting odds on which loser team will choose you, as if you are some piece of cattle at an auction or more accurately, a raffle. They will give lip service to the idea of deliberately losing. Looking at you Nonis/Toronto and your 'interim head coach'. Put the guy out of his misery already....
It's not fair to that kid who worked his ass off to have to play on a team that finished dead last (but then again, $11 million isn't too shabby) and it's not fair to the concept of winning. Winners create winners and in order to change the status quo, relying on the talents of 19 year olds has proved to be a strategy that doesn't work in the short term, as evidenced in my previous list.
In days past, I might have been hurt to be so judged by people I don't know whose contribution to the dialogue of the future of the NHL is along the lines of 'the refereeing sucks' or 'I'm a Leafs fan' but those days are long gone.
Let me explore this idea a bit further.
Say your name is I don't know... Connor McConnor. Your parents have pushed you your whole life to become a hockey player. They've signed you up for hockey camps and dryland training. You've probably played some type of hockey for 50 weeks of any given year. You've put in the time and have earned the rewards as your star and talents rise. You are now estimated to be the top pick of the NHL draft. It's a day you've dreamed of, ever since you started watching the NHL. You were born about 18 years ago so you probably dreamed of playing for the Detroit Red Wings or alongside Sidney Crosby of the Pittsburgh Penguins but perennial Stanley Cup contenders when you were 10 years old.
Shouldn't you at least have the chance to play for them? Instead all your talents are going to be put into a team and a failed system that is going to need you to start producing immediately. They (and their fans) don't have time to wait for you to develop. Instead of playing and learning alongside your role models of Datsyuk and Crosby, it's going to be names like Tyler Ennis and Teddy Purcell. Not exactly awe-inspiring company for you to take your game to the highest level.
But in Bizzarro World, you are a complimentary prize to the victors of the Holy Grail, the Stanley Cup. You are put into a system that wins. You are surrounded by talent much like yourself. Crosby had Lemieux, Datsyuk had Yzerman. At the very least, you could go to the losers of the Finals, a nice conciliatory prize for that bunch of overachievers who nearly beat the odds.
plus, you might be able to play hockey against a real-life Bruin. 'But that just stacks an already-stacked team!' yelled one guy, although it was over the Internet and I had the volume turned down.
In our blessed era of Salary caps, it's near impossible to stack teams. Injuries, lucky streaks, a well-timed slap shot to the jaw can shatter your teeth and a team's playoff hopes.
And consider that all players can sign maximum entry level contracts for 3 years at a peak of $11 million (with bonuses) in total of those 3 years then it's a free-for-all. Market, salary cap, no-trade clauses dictate where you can decide to go. Chicago? Pretty hard with the large, long-term contracts of Toews, Kane, Hossa, Keith. Toronto may offer you double. Florida, triple. Does Detroit even want you?
Maybe he could work in the off-season as a delivery driver for this guy. But this won't happen. I get it. The NHL #1 pick is coveted by teams with no hope of winning actual games anymore, instead relying on the 'future' talents of a kid who can't buy himself an alcoholic drink anywhere he plays pro. Instead we have TSN and it's Lottery Watch. A side-show of opinions and talking heads putting odds on which loser team will choose you, as if you are some piece of cattle at an auction or more accurately, a raffle. They will give lip service to the idea of deliberately losing. Looking at you Nonis/Toronto and your 'interim head coach'. Put the guy out of his misery already....
It's not fair to that kid who worked his ass off to have to play on a team that finished dead last (but then again, $11 million isn't too shabby) and it's not fair to the concept of winning. Winners create winners and in order to change the status quo, relying on the talents of 19 year olds has proved to be a strategy that doesn't work in the short term, as evidenced in my previous list.
March 12, 2015
The David McDavid-Connor Sweepstakes or What is Wrong with the NHL Draft
If you've been living in a cave this year (like I was) you emerged to find a Bizarro World of NHL standings, with the Islanders, Predators and Rangers leading the league in points. The top 10 scoring leaders peppered with unfamiliar names like Jacub Vorachuik or John Tavares or Tyler Johnson. But you have probably heard at least once this year of some kid named David McConnor (or Connor McDavid). Apparently, he's good. He's like, really, really good. He's been TSN's top pick since September 2013. He's so good, Rogers is thinking of creating a reality show around him called Hockey Night with Connor McDavid, in which the viewers get to watch this kid play hockey all the time, 82 times a year.
so good, he plays one on five. He's another 'Next One' and the Connor McConnor sweepstakes has made a mockery of the league draft and TSN's coverage team that borderline are stalking the guy. Sure, he's good but the attention he received has been Eric Lindros level idiotic. He broke his hand and it was national news. He's all but gift-wrapped to go as the #1 pick once we get all that pesky Stanley Cup playoffs out of the way. He's a great player but is he the NHL's next Sidney Crosby? And how does Sidney Crosby feel about being put out to pasture as the face of the NHL after 10 years? Maybe he can finally go out on a date with a girl.
My main point though is that the NHL draft is backwards to begin with. What is the point of him busting his ass to become #1 pick? He gets drafted by most likely the Buffalo Sabres, the Edmonton Oilers or the Arizona Coyotes.
Contain your excitement, Connor. He then has to play for a few years on a crappy team with a slim chance of getting in the playoffs unless he's with Edmonton. Only 2 of the #1 picks in the last 10 years have won the Cup. What kind of reward is that for a guy who has lived hockey for all of his adolescence, forgoing the mandatory get-drunk-in-a-parking-lot rite of teenage passage?The #1 draft pick should be given to the team that wins the Stanley Cup, with 2nd pick going to the runner-up. Because let's be honest, coming in 2nd in the Stanley Cup finals wins you jack shit. They should at least get a top pick out of the deal, instead of just a handshake from the winners.
Here's the bonus for the league; The #1 pick gets to go to a team that knows how to win, has a winning coach on their bench and most likely adequate management that isn't living on past glories (hi, Edmonton). He's earned the right to play for a Cup-contending team, not lost it, as it goes now. Surround a player like McDavid with elite players and watch him thrive; there is even potential to pick up Gretzky-like points again. Imagine if the #1 is on a line with Patrick Kane and Johnathon Toews? Or Corey Perry and Ryan Getzlaf?
Now imagine if he goes to Edmonton? Where's his fantasy value there if he's on a line with Taylor Hall and Teddy Purcell? Or if he goes to Buffalo and earns -30 plus/minus between Tyler Ennis and Cody Hodgson? That continual losing wears a hockey player down. Every player in the NHL comes from winning teams. For many, the hard-core losing streaks that have happened this year to Edmonton, Arizona, Toronto, Buffalo have probably never happened to them at any time in their careers. They don't know how to handle it but that's another discussion.
The guy has worked his whole life to become the #1 pick and now the NHL is going to force him to contemplate living in Buffalo, wearing a Sabre uniform. The poor bastard. It could be worse, he could be playing junior again with the Oilers or living in the desert with Shane Doan wearing a Coyote jersey. There's even a chance he could become a Maple Leaf. Could you imagine the hysteria that would follow that tragic turn of events?
This table would have seating for eight.So, please, Mr. Bettman. Make the call. Change the draft, for the future of David McDavid.
A look at past #1 picks in the last 10 years; starting with Sid.
2005- Sid Crosby - made the playoffs the following year, Cup in 4th year
2006 Erik Johnson - made the playoffs 2013-14 w/ the Cinderella Avalanche. A big defensemen, he was never going to be the next Bobby Orr or Paul Coffey and plays like it.
2007 Patrick Kane - the first winner of the lottery system - Blackhawks went from 5th pick to 1st. Cup in 3rd year and Chicago still sends Bettman Happy Hannukah cards every year. Note to Connor; he's not a fan of Buffalo cab drivers.
2008 Stephen Stamkos - made the playoffs 3rd year, missed next 2 . He has excelled under the guidance of future Detroit General Manager Stevie Yzerman, despite having his leg nearly amputated last year.
2009 John Tavares - made the playoff 4th year. He's a poster-boy for the term 'build your team around'. Of course, by that it meant for the Islanders to acquire a #1 goaltender, 2 proven Stanley Cup winning defensemen, a few decent wingers and a strong checking line. So basically, the team you want in your fantasy league pool.
2010 Taylor Hall - yahhh.... Tyler Seguin still sends him Facebook friend requests that Taylor continually ignores.
2011 The Nuge - yahhhh....
2012 Nail Yakopov - yahhh....Filip Forsberg says 'thank you' in Russian and he will send you updates on what it's like being in the playoffs and meeting expectations.
2013 Nathan McKinnon - made it 1st year, same as Erik Johnson. You're young. You tasted the sweet immediately which may have caused you to miscaluclate how hard it is to make the playoffs. Now it's time to taste the sour.
2014 Aaron Ekblad - slim hope for this year but...don't worry, it's a short drive to Tampa to check out some playoff action.
February 24, 2015
Thoughts on the duties of Canadians to speak out against unjust laws
From Reddit AMA interview Feb 23
(for Canadian reasons, substitute the recent Bill C-51 legislation as a talking point regarding the loss of our freedoms under the guise of 'protecting us from terrorism'. This has nothing to do with the alleged non-terrorist plot to kill people in Halifax recently but more to do with the gunman who entered Parliament, prompting Prime Minister Harper to hide in a closet until everything was safe).
Question;
What's the best way to make NSA spying an issue in the 2016 Presidential Election ? It seems like while it was a big deal in 2013, ISIS and other events have put it on the back burner for now in the media and general public. What are your ideas for how to bring it back to the forefront?
This is a good question, and there are some good traditional answers here. Organizing is important. Activism is important.At the same time, we should remember that governments don't often reform themselves. One of the arguments in a book I read recently (Bruce Schneier, "Data and Goliath"), is that perfect enforcement of the law sounds like a good thing, but that may not always be the case. The end of crime sounds pretty compelling, right, so how can that be?Well, when we look back on history, the progress of Western civilization and human rights is actually founded on the violation of law. America was of course born out of a violent revolution that was an outrageous treason against the crown and established order of the day. History shows that the righting of historical wrongs is often born from acts of unrepentant criminality. Slavery. The protection of persecuted Jews.But even on less extremist topics, we can find similar examples. How about the prohibition of alcohol? Gay marriage? Marijuana?Where would we be today if the government, enjoying powers of perfect surveillance and enforcement, had -- entirely within the law -- rounded up, imprisoned, and shamed all of these lawbreakers?Ultimately, if people lose their willingness to recognize that there are times in our history when legality becomes distinct from morality, we aren't just ceding control of our rights to government, but our agency in determing thour futures.How does this relate to politics? Well, I suspect that governments today are more concerned with the loss of their ability to control and regulate the behavior of their citizens than they are with their citizens' discontent.How do we make that work for us? We can devise means, through the application and sophistication of science, to remind governments that if they will not be responsible stewards of our rights, we the people will implement systems that provide for a means of not just enforcing our rights, but removing from governments the ability to interfere with those rights.You can see the beginnings of this dynamic today in the statements of government officials complaining about the adoption of encryption by major technology providers. The idea here isn't to fling ourselves into anarchy and do away with government, but to remind the government that there must always be a balance of power between the governing and the governed, and that as the progress of science increasingly empowers communities and individuals, there will be more and more areas of our lives where -- if government insists on behaving poorly and with a callous disregard for the citizen -- we can find ways to reduce or remove their powers on a new -- and permanent -- basis.Our rights are not granted by governments. They are inherent to our nature. But it's entirely the opposite for governments: their privileges are precisely equal to only those which we suffer them to enjoy.We haven't had to think about that much in the last few decades because quality of life has been increasing across almost all measures in a significant way, and that has led to a comfortable complacency. But here and there throughout history, we'll occasionally come across these periods where governments think more about what they "can" do rather than what they "should" do, and what is lawful will become increasingly distinct from what is moral.In such times, we'd do well to remember that at the end of the day, the law doesn't defend us; we defend the law. And when it becomes contrary to our morals, we have both the right and the responsibility to rebalance it toward just ends.
Edward Snowden
(for Canadian reasons, substitute the recent Bill C-51 legislation as a talking point regarding the loss of our freedoms under the guise of 'protecting us from terrorism'. This has nothing to do with the alleged non-terrorist plot to kill people in Halifax recently but more to do with the gunman who entered Parliament, prompting Prime Minister Harper to hide in a closet until everything was safe).
Question;
What's the best way to make NSA spying an issue in the 2016 Presidential Election ? It seems like while it was a big deal in 2013, ISIS and other events have put it on the back burner for now in the media and general public. What are your ideas for how to bring it back to the forefront?
This is a good question, and there are some good traditional answers here. Organizing is important. Activism is important.At the same time, we should remember that governments don't often reform themselves. One of the arguments in a book I read recently (Bruce Schneier, "Data and Goliath"), is that perfect enforcement of the law sounds like a good thing, but that may not always be the case. The end of crime sounds pretty compelling, right, so how can that be?Well, when we look back on history, the progress of Western civilization and human rights is actually founded on the violation of law. America was of course born out of a violent revolution that was an outrageous treason against the crown and established order of the day. History shows that the righting of historical wrongs is often born from acts of unrepentant criminality. Slavery. The protection of persecuted Jews.But even on less extremist topics, we can find similar examples. How about the prohibition of alcohol? Gay marriage? Marijuana?Where would we be today if the government, enjoying powers of perfect surveillance and enforcement, had -- entirely within the law -- rounded up, imprisoned, and shamed all of these lawbreakers?Ultimately, if people lose their willingness to recognize that there are times in our history when legality becomes distinct from morality, we aren't just ceding control of our rights to government, but our agency in determing thour futures.How does this relate to politics? Well, I suspect that governments today are more concerned with the loss of their ability to control and regulate the behavior of their citizens than they are with their citizens' discontent.How do we make that work for us? We can devise means, through the application and sophistication of science, to remind governments that if they will not be responsible stewards of our rights, we the people will implement systems that provide for a means of not just enforcing our rights, but removing from governments the ability to interfere with those rights.You can see the beginnings of this dynamic today in the statements of government officials complaining about the adoption of encryption by major technology providers. The idea here isn't to fling ourselves into anarchy and do away with government, but to remind the government that there must always be a balance of power between the governing and the governed, and that as the progress of science increasingly empowers communities and individuals, there will be more and more areas of our lives where -- if government insists on behaving poorly and with a callous disregard for the citizen -- we can find ways to reduce or remove their powers on a new -- and permanent -- basis.Our rights are not granted by governments. They are inherent to our nature. But it's entirely the opposite for governments: their privileges are precisely equal to only those which we suffer them to enjoy.We haven't had to think about that much in the last few decades because quality of life has been increasing across almost all measures in a significant way, and that has led to a comfortable complacency. But here and there throughout history, we'll occasionally come across these periods where governments think more about what they "can" do rather than what they "should" do, and what is lawful will become increasingly distinct from what is moral.In such times, we'd do well to remember that at the end of the day, the law doesn't defend us; we defend the law. And when it becomes contrary to our morals, we have both the right and the responsibility to rebalance it toward just ends.
Edward Snowden
February 14, 2015
Top 'Red' Movies that I know of
You know how when you repeat a word so many times in a row it fails to make sense? That's what I'm feeling now after doing a little research on movies with the word 'Red' in the title. And all because my wife confused the classic American Russian Paranoia movie Red Dawn with the classic American Russian Paranoia movie Red October.
Perhaps if Republicans were a bit more forward-thinking (they'd be Democrats- buh duh dum) they would not have chosen a color that represents their core values and the Communist threat since WW2. So deeply ingrained is the idea of Red = Enemy State they even once made a movie called Enemy State, which if I remember right was actually the American government chasing Will Smith in a case of high-stakes paint ball for his cell phone or something. I digress.
So despite my recent hate-on for making list type articles, I've decided to give it another shot, maybe because everyone who likes lists is proof-reading their own 'Valentine's' themed List. Instead, I'm remembering some classic and not-so-classic movies that had Red in the title. Here's my order of preference.
I also learned I could piss in the radiator if
my truck was overheating1) Red Dawn (1984) - If you are going to only ever see one movie with the word Red in the title (good luck on that) it would be this classic from the pinnacle of the Cold War, the year 1984. It was a crazy, wonderful time; Ronald Reagan was destroying the very foundations America professed to espouse. Apple Computers changed the images of George Orwell's shocking dystopian book 1984 into an iconic commercial for selling computers pre-Internet. There was a growing crop of young Hollywood talent that was able to share screen time with each other for a brief time before setting out on their own to achieve top (and sometimes only) billing. But before all that ego-politics, there was Red Dawn. The ultimate camping male-bonding movie and the reason I shout Wolverines when I go camping.
WOLVERINES!
He's angry, armed and coming to America!2) Red October (1990) The second best political thriller of the late 20th century (I'll let you guess the 1st), this made a whole lot of Americans think Russian submarine captains were debonair, handsome men that spoke in Scottish accents, not weaselly little munchkins that ate sea plankton and gargled with vodka. Red October made submarines and Sean Connery cool again for varying degrees of time. For instance, the submarine genre was nearly killed by the movie adaption of McHale's Navy while Sean Connery has been a long-time contestant on Celebrity Jeopardy videos on Youtube.
Fun fact; it also introduced Tom Clancy's serial novel/movie ongoing action government agent Jack Ryan in the form of Alec Baldwin who took a career miss when he decided not to reprise the role for the next Tom Clancy movie, Patriot Games. Of course, Jack Ryan then became another iconic character property of Han Sol - Indiana Jo - I mean, Harrison Ford.
The eighties was a wonderful time in graphic design3) Red Dragon aka Manhunter (1986) Much like Red Dawn, I'm going to stick with the originals. From Thom Harris's novel (the H is silent so Tom 'Arris) Red Dragon was the prequel to Silence of the Lambs, which made a minor character an iconic symbol of cultured sociopaths with Anthony Hopkins playing face and scene-stealing Hannibal Lecter. Conveniently, all mention of the pre-Hopkins Lecter was ignored until someone started looking into film rights for 'Arris's previous book, Red Dragon which was generically renamed Manhunter back in 1986.
It was a foreshadowing of sorts for the 'someone's a psycho killing people in strange and unique ways so I need help finding out who it is from another psycho' thriller/detective genre that was to come after the success of Silence of the Lambs. Coincidentally, the star of Manhunter, William Petersen, playing the male Clarice Starling became better known for being the franchise actor of the CSI franchise, Brian Cox, another veteran performer best known for his role in SuperTroopers played Dr. Lecter. And the rest is history, chianti and fava beans.
'Special Edition' because the cigarette
wasn't photoshopped out yet.4) Red Heat (1988) Back in a time when Arnold Schwarzenegger was just about to become The #1 Box office draw in the world and the word 'Belushi' was still synonymous with John, the film roles he could choose were highly selective; action movies with little dialogue to hide his atrocious accent or back stories to explain why he didn't talk 'American' (see also: Jean Claude Van Damme). He must have known his quest to become the ultimate GI Joe was tough if he sounded like 3rd generation Nazi. So he was put into roles such as Commando, Terminator and REd Sonja (hey!) that required little dialogue. In Red Heat he played a tough yet sympathetic Russian cop trying to track down the killer of his partner who has fled to America. Surprisingly not as propagandist as Red Dawn or October, it was more of a rip on the success of other 80's Odd Couple Cop movies such as 48 Hours and Beverly Hills Cop. Schwarzenegger was paired with a truer version of the American Male; Jim Belushi, who was sort of like the original Tom Arnold. Thankfully for the World, he chose to go against type-cast and his follow-up 'Twins' catapulted him into an unfortunately newly created Hollywood genre; Big Strong Guys Who Also Do Comedies. Can you remember this laugher about Male Pregnancy?
A pretty decent movie poster IMO5) Red 1 2010 and Red 2 (2013) and 3 (coming soon). Not to be confused with the dozen other movies simply named Red on IMDB. The one I am plugging is this, another government-is-evil type movie series franchise, with a who's who of aging Hollywood stars. Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, Helen Mirren, John Malkovitch. It was like a lower case Expendables, and good on it's own terms of showing senior citizens shooting shit up. In it, Bruce Willis tries to avoid being killed and replaced by the new generation of Hollywood up-and-comers and so goes out and reunites the band. Lots of bullets shot, lots of misses. Lots of explosions and Bruce looking confused.
it starred everyone except for everyone
he cut from the film, which was a lot.6) The Thin Red Line (1998) - Anyone who is interested in who is behind the camera instead of in front of it knows who Terrence Malick is. I know him only by reputation and his reputation is this; he's a true cinema artist not afraid to hurt actor's feelings for the art of the film. If you are going to watch a Terrence Malick film there will be layers upon layers of subtext my puny little mind won't be able to understand. So, I've never watched this. But it's again, another army movie and won a lot of awards, including Best Picture and Director in 1999 so it could be a good film to see when I'm sick and running a fever.
The pinnacle of the Van Art explosion that
swept the nation in the 70's7) Red Sonja (1985) Red Sonja was basically a female Conan The Barbarian for Men who didn't want to appear to be too gay they were watching Conan so much. While it might sound and look like perhaps it was a female empowerment type of movie, I'm betting it wasn't. She's half the size of Arnold's bicep. From IMDB ; A vengeful woman sets out to retrieve a magic orb from an evil queen whom she vows vengeance upon after the evil queen slain her family and her loyal warriors raped her.
Not to nit-pick but if it was Conan, they could have just stopped at 'slain her family'. But to add in she was raped just .... it's just sad that somehow they needed to add that as extra motivation for the character. 'Not only did you kill my momma and poppa - your soldiers entered my vagina when I was at a very emotional state. Therefore I have decided to kill you all, with Conan's help of course. Because I am a girl after all.'
Nice boob.8) Red Eye (2005) - This was a story about a killer on a plane during an overnight flight (hence the title) somewhere I assume over America. It starred It-at-The-Moment girl (note-find out name) and the new, menacing bad boy (note - also find out name) involved in keeping our attention on the fact it was set in a plane. I never saw it because I had just quit working at an airline which shall remain anonymous.
someone found the red filter in photoshop...9) Red Planet (2000) Let's hit the sci-fi train, color Red. Mars has long been known as the red planet, what with it's orange appearance when it gets within a few bazillion miles of Earth. This classic tale of woe puts Val Kilmer and a pre-incarcerated but possibly still a secret drug addict Tom Sizemore on a rocket to their impending career implosions where among other things, some people die. There is much drama and use of red filters and spacesuits.
I like how despite the cover of what looks
to be soldiers being burned alive, it's rated PG10) Red Scorpion (1988) In the eighties, Red meant ACTION STARS! And sticking with another true blue American foreigner that was being type-cast, there was the more budget conscious Dolph Lundgren. Best known as Ivan Drago (not to be confused with Arnold's Ivan Danko from Red Heat) from Rocky 3 or 4 reprises his possibly Russian accent to help change America's perception of Russians as being bloodthirsty trash-eating anti-capitalist tractor makers into something more; actual people with feelings and a bad political system.
From IMDB; A Russian KGB agent is sent to Africa to kill an anti-Communist black revolutionary. However, he has a change of heart when he sees how the Russians and their Cuban allies are killing and repressing the locals, so he switches sides and helps the rebels.
This is movie you stop halfway through
and never finish watching.11) Bonus- Where The Red Fern Grows (1974) - Don't. Just don't. It's like Old Yeller, only not as upbeat. There is very little to do with botany in this movie. The cover is as good as it gets.
Also not considered or researched;
Reds
Red Army
Red Riding Hood(s)
Red Road
Red State
Red Corner
Red Tent
Red Tails
Red Lights
Red Cliff
Red Dog
Woman in Red
Perhaps if Republicans were a bit more forward-thinking (they'd be Democrats- buh duh dum) they would not have chosen a color that represents their core values and the Communist threat since WW2. So deeply ingrained is the idea of Red = Enemy State they even once made a movie called Enemy State, which if I remember right was actually the American government chasing Will Smith in a case of high-stakes paint ball for his cell phone or something. I digress.
So despite my recent hate-on for making list type articles, I've decided to give it another shot, maybe because everyone who likes lists is proof-reading their own 'Valentine's' themed List. Instead, I'm remembering some classic and not-so-classic movies that had Red in the title. Here's my order of preference.
I also learned I could piss in the radiator ifmy truck was overheating1) Red Dawn (1984) - If you are going to only ever see one movie with the word Red in the title (good luck on that) it would be this classic from the pinnacle of the Cold War, the year 1984. It was a crazy, wonderful time; Ronald Reagan was destroying the very foundations America professed to espouse. Apple Computers changed the images of George Orwell's shocking dystopian book 1984 into an iconic commercial for selling computers pre-Internet. There was a growing crop of young Hollywood talent that was able to share screen time with each other for a brief time before setting out on their own to achieve top (and sometimes only) billing. But before all that ego-politics, there was Red Dawn. The ultimate camping male-bonding movie and the reason I shout Wolverines when I go camping.
WOLVERINES!
He's angry, armed and coming to America!2) Red October (1990) The second best political thriller of the late 20th century (I'll let you guess the 1st), this made a whole lot of Americans think Russian submarine captains were debonair, handsome men that spoke in Scottish accents, not weaselly little munchkins that ate sea plankton and gargled with vodka. Red October made submarines and Sean Connery cool again for varying degrees of time. For instance, the submarine genre was nearly killed by the movie adaption of McHale's Navy while Sean Connery has been a long-time contestant on Celebrity Jeopardy videos on Youtube.Fun fact; it also introduced Tom Clancy's serial novel/movie ongoing action government agent Jack Ryan in the form of Alec Baldwin who took a career miss when he decided not to reprise the role for the next Tom Clancy movie, Patriot Games. Of course, Jack Ryan then became another iconic character property of Han Sol - Indiana Jo - I mean, Harrison Ford.
The eighties was a wonderful time in graphic design3) Red Dragon aka Manhunter (1986) Much like Red Dawn, I'm going to stick with the originals. From Thom Harris's novel (the H is silent so Tom 'Arris) Red Dragon was the prequel to Silence of the Lambs, which made a minor character an iconic symbol of cultured sociopaths with Anthony Hopkins playing face and scene-stealing Hannibal Lecter. Conveniently, all mention of the pre-Hopkins Lecter was ignored until someone started looking into film rights for 'Arris's previous book, Red Dragon which was generically renamed Manhunter back in 1986.It was a foreshadowing of sorts for the 'someone's a psycho killing people in strange and unique ways so I need help finding out who it is from another psycho' thriller/detective genre that was to come after the success of Silence of the Lambs. Coincidentally, the star of Manhunter, William Petersen, playing the male Clarice Starling became better known for being the franchise actor of the CSI franchise, Brian Cox, another veteran performer best known for his role in SuperTroopers played Dr. Lecter. And the rest is history, chianti and fava beans.
'Special Edition' because the cigarette wasn't photoshopped out yet.4) Red Heat (1988) Back in a time when Arnold Schwarzenegger was just about to become The #1 Box office draw in the world and the word 'Belushi' was still synonymous with John, the film roles he could choose were highly selective; action movies with little dialogue to hide his atrocious accent or back stories to explain why he didn't talk 'American' (see also: Jean Claude Van Damme). He must have known his quest to become the ultimate GI Joe was tough if he sounded like 3rd generation Nazi. So he was put into roles such as Commando, Terminator and REd Sonja (hey!) that required little dialogue. In Red Heat he played a tough yet sympathetic Russian cop trying to track down the killer of his partner who has fled to America. Surprisingly not as propagandist as Red Dawn or October, it was more of a rip on the success of other 80's Odd Couple Cop movies such as 48 Hours and Beverly Hills Cop. Schwarzenegger was paired with a truer version of the American Male; Jim Belushi, who was sort of like the original Tom Arnold. Thankfully for the World, he chose to go against type-cast and his follow-up 'Twins' catapulted him into an unfortunately newly created Hollywood genre; Big Strong Guys Who Also Do Comedies. Can you remember this laugher about Male Pregnancy?
A pretty decent movie poster IMO5) Red 1 2010 and Red 2 (2013) and 3 (coming soon). Not to be confused with the dozen other movies simply named Red on IMDB. The one I am plugging is this, another government-is-evil type movie series franchise, with a who's who of aging Hollywood stars. Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, Helen Mirren, John Malkovitch. It was like a lower case Expendables, and good on it's own terms of showing senior citizens shooting shit up. In it, Bruce Willis tries to avoid being killed and replaced by the new generation of Hollywood up-and-comers and so goes out and reunites the band. Lots of bullets shot, lots of misses. Lots of explosions and Bruce looking confused.
it starred everyone except for everyone he cut from the film, which was a lot.6) The Thin Red Line (1998) - Anyone who is interested in who is behind the camera instead of in front of it knows who Terrence Malick is. I know him only by reputation and his reputation is this; he's a true cinema artist not afraid to hurt actor's feelings for the art of the film. If you are going to watch a Terrence Malick film there will be layers upon layers of subtext my puny little mind won't be able to understand. So, I've never watched this. But it's again, another army movie and won a lot of awards, including Best Picture and Director in 1999 so it could be a good film to see when I'm sick and running a fever.
The pinnacle of the Van Art explosion that swept the nation in the 70's7) Red Sonja (1985) Red Sonja was basically a female Conan The Barbarian for Men who didn't want to appear to be too gay they were watching Conan so much. While it might sound and look like perhaps it was a female empowerment type of movie, I'm betting it wasn't. She's half the size of Arnold's bicep. From IMDB ; A vengeful woman sets out to retrieve a magic orb from an evil queen whom she vows vengeance upon after the evil queen slain her family and her loyal warriors raped her.
Not to nit-pick but if it was Conan, they could have just stopped at 'slain her family'. But to add in she was raped just .... it's just sad that somehow they needed to add that as extra motivation for the character. 'Not only did you kill my momma and poppa - your soldiers entered my vagina when I was at a very emotional state. Therefore I have decided to kill you all, with Conan's help of course. Because I am a girl after all.'
Nice boob.8) Red Eye (2005) - This was a story about a killer on a plane during an overnight flight (hence the title) somewhere I assume over America. It starred It-at-The-Moment girl (note-find out name) and the new, menacing bad boy (note - also find out name) involved in keeping our attention on the fact it was set in a plane. I never saw it because I had just quit working at an airline which shall remain anonymous.
someone found the red filter in photoshop...9) Red Planet (2000) Let's hit the sci-fi train, color Red. Mars has long been known as the red planet, what with it's orange appearance when it gets within a few bazillion miles of Earth. This classic tale of woe puts Val Kilmer and a pre-incarcerated but possibly still a secret drug addict Tom Sizemore on a rocket to their impending career implosions where among other things, some people die. There is much drama and use of red filters and spacesuits.
I like how despite the cover of what looksto be soldiers being burned alive, it's rated PG10) Red Scorpion (1988) In the eighties, Red meant ACTION STARS! And sticking with another true blue American foreigner that was being type-cast, there was the more budget conscious Dolph Lundgren. Best known as Ivan Drago (not to be confused with Arnold's Ivan Danko from Red Heat) from Rocky 3 or 4 reprises his possibly Russian accent to help change America's perception of Russians as being bloodthirsty trash-eating anti-capitalist tractor makers into something more; actual people with feelings and a bad political system.
From IMDB; A Russian KGB agent is sent to Africa to kill an anti-Communist black revolutionary. However, he has a change of heart when he sees how the Russians and their Cuban allies are killing and repressing the locals, so he switches sides and helps the rebels.
This is movie you stop halfway through and never finish watching.11) Bonus- Where The Red Fern Grows (1974) - Don't. Just don't. It's like Old Yeller, only not as upbeat. There is very little to do with botany in this movie. The cover is as good as it gets.
Also not considered or researched;
Reds
Red Army
Red Riding Hood(s)
Red Road
Red State
Red Corner
Red Tent
Red Tails
Red Lights
Red Cliff
Red Dog
Woman in Red
January 31, 2015
When The Past Repeats Itself...
Thoughts on Yesterday's Problems Today
This is from a monologue in a movie that few of us will have seen but your grandparents may have. With Canada's continued decline from respected World Peacekeepers to America's Little Military Brother and recent legislation that once again curtails certain freedoms we take for granted in the name of the anonymous 'terror threat' of a few madmen.
It seemed fitting that maybe it might resound with some of you out there as it did me.
"There was a fever over the land, a fever of disgrace, of indignity, of hunger. We had a democracy, yes, but it was torn by elements within.
Above all, there was fear, fear of today, fear of tomorrow, fear of our neighbors, and fear of ourselves. Only when you understand that can you understand...
...because he said to us: ‘Lift your heads! Be proud to be German! There are devils among us, communists, liberals, Jews, gypsies. Once these devils will be destroyed, your misery will be destroyed.’
It was the old, old story of the sacrificial lamb. What about those of us who knew better, we who knew the words were lies and worse than lies? Why did we sit silent? Why did we take part? Because we loved our country.
What difference does it make if a few political extremists lose their rights? What difference does it make if a few racial minorities lose their rights? It is only a passing phase. It is only a stage we are going through. It will be discarded sooner or later."
This is from a monologue in a movie that few of us will have seen but your grandparents may have. With Canada's continued decline from respected World Peacekeepers to America's Little Military Brother and recent legislation that once again curtails certain freedoms we take for granted in the name of the anonymous 'terror threat' of a few madmen.
It seemed fitting that maybe it might resound with some of you out there as it did me.
"There was a fever over the land, a fever of disgrace, of indignity, of hunger. We had a democracy, yes, but it was torn by elements within.
Above all, there was fear, fear of today, fear of tomorrow, fear of our neighbors, and fear of ourselves. Only when you understand that can you understand...
...because he said to us: ‘Lift your heads! Be proud to be German! There are devils among us, communists, liberals, Jews, gypsies. Once these devils will be destroyed, your misery will be destroyed.’
It was the old, old story of the sacrificial lamb. What about those of us who knew better, we who knew the words were lies and worse than lies? Why did we sit silent? Why did we take part? Because we loved our country.
What difference does it make if a few political extremists lose their rights? What difference does it make if a few racial minorities lose their rights? It is only a passing phase. It is only a stage we are going through. It will be discarded sooner or later."
December 27, 2014
7 More Not Real Famous Bands
7 More Not Real but kind of Famous bands...
I once wrote an article about some very famous bands that became very famous under false pretenses. The reaction was mostly positive and it became my most viewed piece on that website. A few readers left some comments on other famous bands/musicians that I missed in my original list.
So, with the minimal amount of research that kept me interested enough to avoid other responsibilities, I decided to go back and do this 2nd row group of famous non-bands. While there have been a lot of ‘fake’ bands created in the interest of selling records, promoting movies and tv shows (there ain’t no party like an S Club party), I decided only to focus on bands that well, honestly, are ones that had some success in selling records and most importantly were sold to it’s audiences under false pretenses, unlike something like S Club 7, which sadly was what it was.
That said, in my original list, I excluded some ‘copy-cat’ groups for not being ‘famous enough’. Josie and the Pussycats were a direct result of the success of the Archies and the attempt at reviving them in the 2001 movie may have been the pinnacle of Tara Reid’s career (until Sharknado) but I don’t feel it hit the acclaim needed to be considered ‘famous’.
I also excluded some fictional groups that I didn't feel crossed over into the famous enough category to be able to actually perform in public or had no success to speak of in album sales, like the Oneders from ‘That Thing You Do’ or Stillwater from ‘Almost Famous’. And although Wyld Stallyns is the greatest band to ever exist (in the future), they have yet to release that album that will change the world.
So without further adieu, here is part deux;
7. The Partridge Family
Remember when I said I didn't want to focus on rip-offs? It was the 3rd paragraph. This is my exception. Although they may have been similar to the Monkees (who were more trying to emulate the Beatles), The Partridge Family was made for the new American suburban hippie-parents who were not yet ready to give up on their musical dreams while raising a family. That is, if your dream was to travel the country in a school bus singing radio friendly pop tunes to avoid dealing with the loss of your husband and father of your 5 kids (in the back story).
The Partridges were another made for TV musical group like the Monkees who had little to no input on the actual production of the songs. Most of the songs were written and performed by studio musicians with the exception of Mother Partridge (Shirley Jones) and Keith Partridge (soon to be teen hunk David Cassidy) who convinced producers that they could actually sing well enough to be recorded. Everybody else lip-synced.
Cassidy parlayed that opportunity to soon break out of his TV role and take his act solo, travelling with his own musicians, appearing in Rolling Stone and basically living the rock and roll lifestyle. Another Partridge, Donnie Bonaduce, also became infamous for being a bit of a douche, and living the rock and roll lifestyle, despite not really knowing anything about rock and roll.
The Partridges had a few albums that made it into the Billboard charts, aside from their catchy ‘C’mon get Happy’ theme song, they also hit number 1 in 1970 with ‘I think I love You’, selling over 5 million copies. They released 9 albums between 1970-73, quantity over quality meaning something in those days. Their 1971 Christmas album also hit #1 on Billboard USA, #45 in the UK.
Not bad for a fictional widow and her 5 photogenic kids from California.
6. The Soggy Bottom Boys
In 2000 The Coen Brothers released their film ‘O Brother, Where Art Thou?’ to critical, if not commercial success. The movie followed George Clooney and his dim-witted friends in 1930′s Southern United States as they broke out of a prison chain gang and attempted to find their way to some buried loot from a bank heist. Along the way they encounter a myriad of different characters that hamper their escape and was described as a retelling of the Odyssey, which meant nothing to most people that watched it.
But this isn't about the movie, this is about the Soggy Bottom Boys, the stage name George and the boys take on during a break from escaping. They record one throwaway single (Dick Burton’s ‘Man of Constant Sorrow’) and it winds up becoming a huge hit, which plays out later on in the story. While the only thing the song in the movie proves is that Clooney sings just about as good as he plays The Batman, it still brought a slight resurgence in music that has long fallen into musical history’s waste bin.
In real life, the Soggy Bottom Boys were a collection of Bluegrass singers that went on to to play the Down From the Mountain Concert Tour and film. Much of the concert was full renditions of songs that were played in the movie and featured the talents of Allison Krause, Ralph Stanley, Emmy Lou Harris, John Hartford and more. The soundtrack peaked at #10 on the US country charts, despite it’s eclectic contents.
5. Dethklok
Based on a recommendation of totally mentally balanced whatculture commenter, ‘Murderface’, Dethklok comes courtesy of Adult Swim and if you don’t get AdultSwim and don’t care for it’s adult-oriented cartoons, then you won’t get Dethklok, the subject death metal band of it’s Metalocaplypse cartoon series. Created by Brendan Small and Tommy Blacha, who also wrote and played much of the music in the studio for the cartoon, they decided to take a live version of Dethklok out into the real world.
In the cartoon, Dethklok itself is said to be the 7th largest economy, due it’s billions of fans around the world. However, despite their popularity they come off as barely able to survive in a world that expects more from them than just …well, playing death metal. They struggle with the most basic of activities not needing a guitar, like buying groceries as The Tribunal watches their every move.
Dethklok crossed over into the real world in 2007 with the release of the Dethalbum. They have since followed that record up with the imaginative Dethalbum II and Dethalbum III. The creators of Dethklok (the cartoon) enlisted the talents of fellow death metal musicians to take Dethklok and their message on the road on campus tours throughout America and into Europe where people with similar tastes get together and I don’t know, I guess discuss the problems buying groceries and conditioner.
4. Gorillaz
Gorillaz was the first ‘virtual’ band to really achieve mass appeal. Conceived in 1998 by Damon Albarn and Jamie Hewlett (co-creator of Tank Girl) the band consisted of virtual members 2D, Murdoc, Noodles and Russell. They were a multi-platform band with a presence on their early internet website and accompanied with short cartoons, music videos and mind-blowingly later on, performed in hologram form, seen here at the MTV awards.
Gorillaz has welcomed a variety of musicians into their ranks at the studio level, resulting in the chart-topping self-titled album in 2001, Demon Days in 2005 and Plastic Beach in 2010. While Damon Albron has been the brains behind the music, Jamie Hewlett did his fair share of making the Gorillaz who they were in the virtual world. Without one, Gorillaz was destined for Milli Vanilli fame. The tongue-in-cheek multi-platforming of this virtual band kept the concept fresh and welcomed.
Once success hit in the form of the single ‘Clint Eastwood’, a tour was demanded and logistically, there became a need for real-life musicians to go out and play to real-life audiences the music that was created for a virtual world. They have been nominated an astonishing 57 times and won 15 awards including 6 Brit awards in 2001 but came away empty handed. They requested to be withdrawn for consideration of the Mercury Prize, (best album in UK and Ireland) due to the usual subsequent failures of past winners to parlay that award into more album sales.
3. Dewey Cox
Dewey Cox lived a hard life. His music reflected that. He sang the way he lived. He walked Hard and he sang Hard. Of course, Dewey Cox is actually John C. Reilly, more notoriously known as the Yin to Will Ferrell’s Yang in Talladega Nights and Stepbrothers.
Ultimately a send up of Johnny Cash’s life and the subsequent Joaquin Phoenix biopic, Dewey Cox only recorded one album which peaked at #3 on Billboard back in 2008. Although officially placed into the ‘comedy album’ section, the range of musical styles that John C. Reilly actually performs guitar and sings as he takes on the decades long career of his alter ego left many critics impressed.
The album consists of 15 tracks, and their is an extended edition on Itunes with 29 tracks. Dewey performed with his band the Hardwalkers seven times in concerts leading up to the release of the movie, including a set in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland, Ohio.
2. Chris Gaines
Ah, Chris Gaines aka 'Garth Brooks'. Garth’s famous experiment in putting the cart before the horse, this emo-based alter ego was an attempt in crossing musical genres back in the late 90′s. Brooks, the undisputed King of Country of the time decided that basically out-selling every major country star wasn't enough, he needed more. He needed a soul patch.
He began to develop a movie that sounds both ‘meta’ and ‘ridiculous’; called The Lamb it was a story about a successful singer and his emotionally conflicted life in the public eye (almost like that Casey Affleck bomb he promoted here). Unfortunately he made two major mistakes in genre of music (pop/rock instead of country) and casting (himself instead of anybody else).
The confusing promotion of ‘Chris Gaines’ including an appearance on Saturday Night Live in which Garth Brooks was hosting only led to a lot of people misunderstanding what Garth was trying to do; either cross musical genres, get in touch with his inner emo or disassociate himself entirely as Garth Brooks. Although the Chris Gaines pseudo-based movie failed to materialize, Garth rode the Gaines Crazy train to a strong start, with his first single hitting #2 on the top 100 before the bad press started to really take effect and the album became more of a symbol of wrong career move than strong career choice. Thankfully, Garth’s fans quickly forgave him as he promised never to put on the emo wig again (in public).
1. Hannah Montana
Who doesn't know Hannah Montana? Besides grandparents? She is Chris Gaines done right. The alter ego of future therapy patient Miley Cyrus (called it! -ed), Hannah Montana was another teen idol who rode her rocket to fame from 2006-2010. In context, Justin Bieber is on Year 3 of his burn-out trajectory, having shot to fame in 2009, so at least there’s that.
But back to Hannah Montana, who is really Miley Stewart, who is really Miley Cyrus, who is really Billy Ray Cyrus’s daughter. If you don’t know Billy Ray and his Achy Breaky Heart, which has been hailed as the best and worst song to come out of the 90′s then…well, that is what Youtube is for.
Hannah Montana had not only her own tv show but also two movies, a series of live concerts, a shitload of merchandising gear and released 9 albums, 3 in 2008 alone. She had 31 singles and made 15 videos and with 6 of her albums reaching #1 in the US, a sign of the dismally low standards of music thrust upon American children by their parents.
To further add to her future therapy bill, the release of Hannah Montana 2; Meet Miley Cyrus was a ‘hybrid’ album, with 1/2 of the 2o songs credited as being sung by Hannah Montana, the other 1/2 as being sung by Miley Cyrus. Who again, is the same person; Miley Stewart. Hannah has since became Miley full-time on concert tickets and gossip rags, to the shame of her parents who must be wondering if whoring their child out to the Disney Star Maker was such a great idea after all. Proof;
somewhere, a therapist is masturbating furiouslyOkay, that’s it from me for my all-time famous not-bands. Feel free to comment about how amazing Chris Gaines was or what type of party is an S Club party in the comments section below.
I once wrote an article about some very famous bands that became very famous under false pretenses. The reaction was mostly positive and it became my most viewed piece on that website. A few readers left some comments on other famous bands/musicians that I missed in my original list.
So, with the minimal amount of research that kept me interested enough to avoid other responsibilities, I decided to go back and do this 2nd row group of famous non-bands. While there have been a lot of ‘fake’ bands created in the interest of selling records, promoting movies and tv shows (there ain’t no party like an S Club party), I decided only to focus on bands that well, honestly, are ones that had some success in selling records and most importantly were sold to it’s audiences under false pretenses, unlike something like S Club 7, which sadly was what it was.
That said, in my original list, I excluded some ‘copy-cat’ groups for not being ‘famous enough’. Josie and the Pussycats were a direct result of the success of the Archies and the attempt at reviving them in the 2001 movie may have been the pinnacle of Tara Reid’s career (until Sharknado) but I don’t feel it hit the acclaim needed to be considered ‘famous’.
I also excluded some fictional groups that I didn't feel crossed over into the famous enough category to be able to actually perform in public or had no success to speak of in album sales, like the Oneders from ‘That Thing You Do’ or Stillwater from ‘Almost Famous’. And although Wyld Stallyns is the greatest band to ever exist (in the future), they have yet to release that album that will change the world.
So without further adieu, here is part deux;
7. The Partridge Family
Remember when I said I didn't want to focus on rip-offs? It was the 3rd paragraph. This is my exception. Although they may have been similar to the Monkees (who were more trying to emulate the Beatles), The Partridge Family was made for the new American suburban hippie-parents who were not yet ready to give up on their musical dreams while raising a family. That is, if your dream was to travel the country in a school bus singing radio friendly pop tunes to avoid dealing with the loss of your husband and father of your 5 kids (in the back story).
The Partridges were another made for TV musical group like the Monkees who had little to no input on the actual production of the songs. Most of the songs were written and performed by studio musicians with the exception of Mother Partridge (Shirley Jones) and Keith Partridge (soon to be teen hunk David Cassidy) who convinced producers that they could actually sing well enough to be recorded. Everybody else lip-synced.
Cassidy parlayed that opportunity to soon break out of his TV role and take his act solo, travelling with his own musicians, appearing in Rolling Stone and basically living the rock and roll lifestyle. Another Partridge, Donnie Bonaduce, also became infamous for being a bit of a douche, and living the rock and roll lifestyle, despite not really knowing anything about rock and roll.
The Partridges had a few albums that made it into the Billboard charts, aside from their catchy ‘C’mon get Happy’ theme song, they also hit number 1 in 1970 with ‘I think I love You’, selling over 5 million copies. They released 9 albums between 1970-73, quantity over quality meaning something in those days. Their 1971 Christmas album also hit #1 on Billboard USA, #45 in the UK.
Not bad for a fictional widow and her 5 photogenic kids from California.
6. The Soggy Bottom Boys
In 2000 The Coen Brothers released their film ‘O Brother, Where Art Thou?’ to critical, if not commercial success. The movie followed George Clooney and his dim-witted friends in 1930′s Southern United States as they broke out of a prison chain gang and attempted to find their way to some buried loot from a bank heist. Along the way they encounter a myriad of different characters that hamper their escape and was described as a retelling of the Odyssey, which meant nothing to most people that watched it.
But this isn't about the movie, this is about the Soggy Bottom Boys, the stage name George and the boys take on during a break from escaping. They record one throwaway single (Dick Burton’s ‘Man of Constant Sorrow’) and it winds up becoming a huge hit, which plays out later on in the story. While the only thing the song in the movie proves is that Clooney sings just about as good as he plays The Batman, it still brought a slight resurgence in music that has long fallen into musical history’s waste bin.
In real life, the Soggy Bottom Boys were a collection of Bluegrass singers that went on to to play the Down From the Mountain Concert Tour and film. Much of the concert was full renditions of songs that were played in the movie and featured the talents of Allison Krause, Ralph Stanley, Emmy Lou Harris, John Hartford and more. The soundtrack peaked at #10 on the US country charts, despite it’s eclectic contents.
5. Dethklok
Based on a recommendation of totally mentally balanced whatculture commenter, ‘Murderface’, Dethklok comes courtesy of Adult Swim and if you don’t get AdultSwim and don’t care for it’s adult-oriented cartoons, then you won’t get Dethklok, the subject death metal band of it’s Metalocaplypse cartoon series. Created by Brendan Small and Tommy Blacha, who also wrote and played much of the music in the studio for the cartoon, they decided to take a live version of Dethklok out into the real world.
In the cartoon, Dethklok itself is said to be the 7th largest economy, due it’s billions of fans around the world. However, despite their popularity they come off as barely able to survive in a world that expects more from them than just …well, playing death metal. They struggle with the most basic of activities not needing a guitar, like buying groceries as The Tribunal watches their every move.
Dethklok crossed over into the real world in 2007 with the release of the Dethalbum. They have since followed that record up with the imaginative Dethalbum II and Dethalbum III. The creators of Dethklok (the cartoon) enlisted the talents of fellow death metal musicians to take Dethklok and their message on the road on campus tours throughout America and into Europe where people with similar tastes get together and I don’t know, I guess discuss the problems buying groceries and conditioner.
4. Gorillaz
Gorillaz was the first ‘virtual’ band to really achieve mass appeal. Conceived in 1998 by Damon Albarn and Jamie Hewlett (co-creator of Tank Girl) the band consisted of virtual members 2D, Murdoc, Noodles and Russell. They were a multi-platform band with a presence on their early internet website and accompanied with short cartoons, music videos and mind-blowingly later on, performed in hologram form, seen here at the MTV awards.
Gorillaz has welcomed a variety of musicians into their ranks at the studio level, resulting in the chart-topping self-titled album in 2001, Demon Days in 2005 and Plastic Beach in 2010. While Damon Albron has been the brains behind the music, Jamie Hewlett did his fair share of making the Gorillaz who they were in the virtual world. Without one, Gorillaz was destined for Milli Vanilli fame. The tongue-in-cheek multi-platforming of this virtual band kept the concept fresh and welcomed.
Once success hit in the form of the single ‘Clint Eastwood’, a tour was demanded and logistically, there became a need for real-life musicians to go out and play to real-life audiences the music that was created for a virtual world. They have been nominated an astonishing 57 times and won 15 awards including 6 Brit awards in 2001 but came away empty handed. They requested to be withdrawn for consideration of the Mercury Prize, (best album in UK and Ireland) due to the usual subsequent failures of past winners to parlay that award into more album sales.
3. Dewey Cox
Dewey Cox lived a hard life. His music reflected that. He sang the way he lived. He walked Hard and he sang Hard. Of course, Dewey Cox is actually John C. Reilly, more notoriously known as the Yin to Will Ferrell’s Yang in Talladega Nights and Stepbrothers.
Ultimately a send up of Johnny Cash’s life and the subsequent Joaquin Phoenix biopic, Dewey Cox only recorded one album which peaked at #3 on Billboard back in 2008. Although officially placed into the ‘comedy album’ section, the range of musical styles that John C. Reilly actually performs guitar and sings as he takes on the decades long career of his alter ego left many critics impressed.
The album consists of 15 tracks, and their is an extended edition on Itunes with 29 tracks. Dewey performed with his band the Hardwalkers seven times in concerts leading up to the release of the movie, including a set in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland, Ohio.
2. Chris Gaines
Ah, Chris Gaines aka 'Garth Brooks'. Garth’s famous experiment in putting the cart before the horse, this emo-based alter ego was an attempt in crossing musical genres back in the late 90′s. Brooks, the undisputed King of Country of the time decided that basically out-selling every major country star wasn't enough, he needed more. He needed a soul patch.
He began to develop a movie that sounds both ‘meta’ and ‘ridiculous’; called The Lamb it was a story about a successful singer and his emotionally conflicted life in the public eye (almost like that Casey Affleck bomb he promoted here). Unfortunately he made two major mistakes in genre of music (pop/rock instead of country) and casting (himself instead of anybody else).
The confusing promotion of ‘Chris Gaines’ including an appearance on Saturday Night Live in which Garth Brooks was hosting only led to a lot of people misunderstanding what Garth was trying to do; either cross musical genres, get in touch with his inner emo or disassociate himself entirely as Garth Brooks. Although the Chris Gaines pseudo-based movie failed to materialize, Garth rode the Gaines Crazy train to a strong start, with his first single hitting #2 on the top 100 before the bad press started to really take effect and the album became more of a symbol of wrong career move than strong career choice. Thankfully, Garth’s fans quickly forgave him as he promised never to put on the emo wig again (in public).
1. Hannah Montana
Who doesn't know Hannah Montana? Besides grandparents? She is Chris Gaines done right. The alter ego of future therapy patient Miley Cyrus (called it! -ed), Hannah Montana was another teen idol who rode her rocket to fame from 2006-2010. In context, Justin Bieber is on Year 3 of his burn-out trajectory, having shot to fame in 2009, so at least there’s that.
But back to Hannah Montana, who is really Miley Stewart, who is really Miley Cyrus, who is really Billy Ray Cyrus’s daughter. If you don’t know Billy Ray and his Achy Breaky Heart, which has been hailed as the best and worst song to come out of the 90′s then…well, that is what Youtube is for.
Hannah Montana had not only her own tv show but also two movies, a series of live concerts, a shitload of merchandising gear and released 9 albums, 3 in 2008 alone. She had 31 singles and made 15 videos and with 6 of her albums reaching #1 in the US, a sign of the dismally low standards of music thrust upon American children by their parents.
To further add to her future therapy bill, the release of Hannah Montana 2; Meet Miley Cyrus was a ‘hybrid’ album, with 1/2 of the 2o songs credited as being sung by Hannah Montana, the other 1/2 as being sung by Miley Cyrus. Who again, is the same person; Miley Stewart. Hannah has since became Miley full-time on concert tickets and gossip rags, to the shame of her parents who must be wondering if whoring their child out to the Disney Star Maker was such a great idea after all. Proof;
somewhere, a therapist is masturbating furiouslyOkay, that’s it from me for my all-time famous not-bands. Feel free to comment about how amazing Chris Gaines was or what type of party is an S Club party in the comments section below.December 20, 2014
The Interview Blackmailing
I've had a change of heart from my last blog in the last 24 hours, the one where I finally pay attention to the Sony Hack. This was mainly because of a CBC Current episode this AM where the host kept referring to North Korea as the Hermit Kingdom, a term I never heard before but seemed to reek of that classic 'branding' of a potential enemy/scapegoat with no to little cultural knowledge of the country in question. The question was 'Could North Korea really have done this?'
Then I started thinking of the Hack. It has all the classic bits of a typical blackmail that Hollywood itself could have written (if it was in the habit of reading original screenplays). Let's look at it closely.
The hackers are called Guardians of Peace, which is a pretty 'Americanized' sounding name.
The victims are a conglomeration of nameless Multi-Millionaires that have millions and millions at their disposal. There's some public shaming, then a scapegoat is suggested and finally, the demands...
And what are the demands? What do the hackers 'publicly' want?
These 2 are big influences in North Korea, apparently
As has been pointed out, this has been a welcome distraction from the CIA Torture Report that rather harshly and irrefutably points out that the USA has little moral high ground when it comes to the Fight for Freedom (for other countries).
The GOP has scraped off a tiny shitload as proof of what they hold and so far the damage is rather quite minimal. This is exactly what happens in the blackmail movies, the 'if you don't believe me, watch what we are capable of' scene. The only ones that have suffered any public relations damage are Amy Pascall and Scott Rudin. Angelina Jolie and Aaron Sorkin have learned some of the gossip surrounding them but really if you think about it - your own emails probably contain a lot worse language, spelling errors and gossip than what's been released or brought to public light.
So what's the next scene? The victims have ceded to the GOP's demands and are not going to show The Interview nationally. But when does it stop? When will Sony announce they have paid X amount to a nameless account on Silk Road? What producers, Sony board members, film stars are receiving emails from the GOP offering to 'liberate' content that relates to them in exchange for a deposit into a Swiss bank account?
There will be an attempt to do a 'Sting' of sorts. A lot of cyber security stuff is going on behind the scenes, but that's boring and doesn't make for good drama. From what little I know of hacking movies (eg, Hackers, Girl with The Dragon Tattoo, every cop movie trying to trace a signal), it's pretty easy to re-route Internet signals through any country in the world, including North Korea. So maybe Public Relations needs to find a fall guy, make North Korea the bad guys. How do you do it? Release previously unreported bits of information that are really convenient for the times, such as this paragraph from the CBC;
For years, North Korea has been pouring resources into a sophisticated cyberwarfare cell called Bureau 121, run by the military's spy agency and staffed by some of the most talented computer experts in the country, he and other defectors have said.Most of the hackers in the unit are drawn from the military computer school.- Jang Se-yul, a defector from North Korea who studied at the military college for computer sciences before escaping to the South six years ago, referring to the North's cyberwarfare unit. (no picture given).
But I found his yearbook photo, that's him on the left, 4th one inNow, they could have gotten this information like I did, from Google from this Al-Jazeera article. But in this version, the cell is called Unit 121. Bureau does sound a bit more ominous, makes for a good antagonist, like HYDRA, KAOS, or The Brotherhood of Evil Mutants.
As for the 'Hermit Kingdom'? Well, if they suddenly find their national income has risen without explanation, then I'll reconsider that this was the work of patriotic North Koreans with an allegiance to Kim Jong-un and bad taste in movies. Otherwise, I think I'll keep believing this is the result of good ol'American opportunism and Hollywood going all meta on itself. I'll never know.
Then I started thinking of the Hack. It has all the classic bits of a typical blackmail that Hollywood itself could have written (if it was in the habit of reading original screenplays). Let's look at it closely.
The hackers are called Guardians of Peace, which is a pretty 'Americanized' sounding name.
The victims are a conglomeration of nameless Multi-Millionaires that have millions and millions at their disposal. There's some public shaming, then a scapegoat is suggested and finally, the demands...
And what are the demands? What do the hackers 'publicly' want?
These 2 are big influences in North Korea, apparentlyAs has been pointed out, this has been a welcome distraction from the CIA Torture Report that rather harshly and irrefutably points out that the USA has little moral high ground when it comes to the Fight for Freedom (for other countries).
The GOP has scraped off a tiny shitload as proof of what they hold and so far the damage is rather quite minimal. This is exactly what happens in the blackmail movies, the 'if you don't believe me, watch what we are capable of' scene. The only ones that have suffered any public relations damage are Amy Pascall and Scott Rudin. Angelina Jolie and Aaron Sorkin have learned some of the gossip surrounding them but really if you think about it - your own emails probably contain a lot worse language, spelling errors and gossip than what's been released or brought to public light.
So what's the next scene? The victims have ceded to the GOP's demands and are not going to show The Interview nationally. But when does it stop? When will Sony announce they have paid X amount to a nameless account on Silk Road? What producers, Sony board members, film stars are receiving emails from the GOP offering to 'liberate' content that relates to them in exchange for a deposit into a Swiss bank account?
There will be an attempt to do a 'Sting' of sorts. A lot of cyber security stuff is going on behind the scenes, but that's boring and doesn't make for good drama. From what little I know of hacking movies (eg, Hackers, Girl with The Dragon Tattoo, every cop movie trying to trace a signal), it's pretty easy to re-route Internet signals through any country in the world, including North Korea. So maybe Public Relations needs to find a fall guy, make North Korea the bad guys. How do you do it? Release previously unreported bits of information that are really convenient for the times, such as this paragraph from the CBC;
For years, North Korea has been pouring resources into a sophisticated cyberwarfare cell called Bureau 121, run by the military's spy agency and staffed by some of the most talented computer experts in the country, he and other defectors have said.Most of the hackers in the unit are drawn from the military computer school.- Jang Se-yul, a defector from North Korea who studied at the military college for computer sciences before escaping to the South six years ago, referring to the North's cyberwarfare unit. (no picture given).
But I found his yearbook photo, that's him on the left, 4th one inNow, they could have gotten this information like I did, from Google from this Al-Jazeera article. But in this version, the cell is called Unit 121. Bureau does sound a bit more ominous, makes for a good antagonist, like HYDRA, KAOS, or The Brotherhood of Evil Mutants.As for the 'Hermit Kingdom'? Well, if they suddenly find their national income has risen without explanation, then I'll reconsider that this was the work of patriotic North Koreans with an allegiance to Kim Jong-un and bad taste in movies. Otherwise, I think I'll keep believing this is the result of good ol'American opportunism and Hollywood going all meta on itself. I'll never know.
