Jay Royston's Blog, page 12
August 23, 2015
ISIS Propaganda and Me
The problem with finding support in the War Against ISIS is simple. It's a sham. It's a headless monster created by a foreign state to justify the buying of bullets in the name of capitalism.
wooooo.... we're ISIS....I find it sad/funny that the major news sources still call ISIS a 'group of militants', as if they are nothing more than a bunch of weekend warriors or the equivalency of a group of South American guerrillas, only with less forest. I know I'm not alone but when you hear of the glorious reports of victory by our Allied forces it reminds me slightly of Nazi propaganda, partly of Big Brother in 1984.ISIS is a direct result of the glorious Mission Accomplished US invasion of Iraq. Most people of modest intelligence remember the frustration as the case against invading Iraq was established in the court of popular opinion. We, the people, learned that court means little to the higher powers. We all knew there was no evidence in support of Iraq having anything to do with 9/11. Yet, the US government, in collaboration with a disbelieving yet obedient national press, the lies were continually published. They still are.
This diatribe/rant is because I heard today on national radio that ISIS's #2 man was apparently killed through the 'coalition strike force'. Of course, because nobody has heard of this man before this memo, a brief summary of who he was followed.
It's easier to kill people who have no name. To give them a name after the fact. His name is Robert Paulson.
So why should we care? I don't. I've never been prouder of my country's leadership when our Canadian Prime Minister at the time (Jean Chretien) took the tough philosophical and political stance to not support the US's invasion of Iraq. Sure, we'd go into Afghanistan and destroy those pesky 'terrorist camps' but to attack a nation that had no involvement in 9/11. Not likely.
Sadly, as time changes so does our view of history because we (as a whole) let it. I've talked to teens who don't remember that day but believe Iraq was responsible. No mention of Saudi Arabia. That is the new history being played out. Its up to us old-timers to recant those untruths before they hit critical mass. Today, our Conservative government has joined the Coalition to rid (at least) Northern Iraq from this ISIS militant group that 'threatens to invade our very own soil'.
What a crock of shit. ISIS has no more interest in invading Canada than Argentina does. While the PC shoves 'domestic security' down our throats, American Media pushes Military justification. American interests has won the oil wars for now, from Iraq to Venezuela there are no true competitors anymore. Norway continues to do its own nationalist thing to the benefit of their society but even they are having tough times with the world surplus so high. Russia same thing. They may have invaded Crimea but it is a small price to pay to keep them from fighting for the same piece of Middle Eastern real estate.
I don't admit to knowing anything about the inner workings of world politics and/or oil consumption. I just know when i hear bullshit. Our government wants voter apathy. It wants to maintain the status quo. It wants us to fear ISIS - a group that has been involved in as many killings on Canadian soil as land shark attacks. If the next Canadian murderer turns out to be a Maple Leafs fan, that isn't part of the narrative. Maybe it should be. Maybe we should fact check on all our killers' religious beliefs. Clifford Olsen? Paul Bernardo? Luke Magnotta? Would that help us buy more bullets, more 'security' from American interests? Will it keep the price of gas at the pump 50 cents higher then the last time oil barrel prices were this low? Capitalism requires competition. Five or six companies is not competition. That is a unspoken monopoly.
It will be a long time before our trust in an elected government will return. Maybe it starts with change. Maybe it never has changed and I'm just getting older. Yet change starts with strong convictions and an ability and desire to call out the bullshit when you hear it. Maybe they really are making sex slaves of Western women and forcing children to clean out tank turrets. But I'm hearing this from the same institution that reported WMD evidence, the same institutions that reported Iraqi soldiers killing infant babies in hospitals while raping the nurses at their stations (all part of a Wall Street Marketing plan to invoke United Nations support for an American invasion).
Let's start with telling the truth of this 'militant' group of Middle Eastern men trying to liberate their homeland from their invaders. Let's tell the truth of the role we allow our governments to play in it. Let's demand more of our nation's media.
August 6, 2015
Barney's Version Book Review
Hey, so why not?
Apparently I can cut and paste book reviews I've done into my blog. So, let's give it a try.
If anyone else has read this, I'd appreciate a line if you want to talk about it. I seem to be missing what people liked about it.
Barney's Version by Mordecai RichlerMy rating: 1 of 5 stars
I really liked 'Solomon Gursky was Here' although Richler writing does tend to isolate readers of the non-jewish persuasion (such as myself). I picked up Barney's Version and had a few problems with it; it could definitely have used a preface explaining the context. I think it would have been much stronger in my opinion if the afterword (written by his son) was actually the foreword.
Possible spoilers;
I really hated the corrective footnotes. Although it is eventually explained it was Barney's son adding them after a supposed legal discussion as to editing Barney's autobiography, it read like lazy copy editing, as if Richler's publisher wasn't allowed to do any editing. It's not until later is it established that Barney's mind is slipping and these are part of the character development as to the crux of the 'did he or didn't he' regarding Boogie's disappearance.
Then to have the last paragraphs basically create another possibility without any other hints throughout the story was a weak cop-out.
Barney isn't likable, and pretty much Richler writes every Jewish stereotype in existence into his character and the secondary ones as well. His snide observations of Quebec and Toronto cultures come off as just that. It's an okay book but nowhere as excellent as Solomon Gursky.
Recommend only to hard-core Richler fans.
View all my reviews
August 1, 2015
Free ebook birthday giveaway.
There's simply no way to avoid this but chronologically I am evidently another year older.
So what can you do to celebrate? Why not grab one of my free books online? I'm offering up all 3 of the books I've self-published this year for free on Smashwords. Catch is they only come in ebook format so if you are a fan of this futuristic medium, head over here and grab yourself one or all three. You can give them out as gifts or just keep them to yourself on your futuristic reading device. If you like them, tell your friends and or send them the link. The offer is good all weekend, then next week they'll probably rise in price to nearly two whole dollars. So best to just tell them now without actually having read them yet.
And...
If you are still an old-school reader who loves having a bookshelf and having books on them so that when people come over they can diagnose what troubles you, then get hard copy versions over at Amazon. There is Midland Mutiny, Stoner, Unincorporated and Enter A Fistful of Marijuana. All you have to do is that thing you do when you purchase items off the Internet. My bank account thanks you for the 35% royalty I receive. You receive the book in a few weeks, straight to your door in plain brown wrapping. Nothing suspicious there at all, Mr. Postman.
And...
If you are curious as to what I'm currently working on, head over to here. There's the edited first chapter of a work in progress - more ...grounded... in reality than my previous ones. It's more of a John Irving World According to Garp story of a boy and girl growing up, falling in love, finding out they like the same author who coincidentally is writing their life story... something like that anyways.
Online reviews, comments always semi-helpful if you are on Goodreads, Amazon, Kindle etc.
Okay, I'm going to have a good birthday by sleeping through most of it, waking up and spending time with my wonderful family on a hot summer's day. There may be ice cream involved and listening to some old cassette tapes.
So what can you do to celebrate? Why not grab one of my free books online? I'm offering up all 3 of the books I've self-published this year for free on Smashwords. Catch is they only come in ebook format so if you are a fan of this futuristic medium, head over here and grab yourself one or all three. You can give them out as gifts or just keep them to yourself on your futuristic reading device. If you like them, tell your friends and or send them the link. The offer is good all weekend, then next week they'll probably rise in price to nearly two whole dollars. So best to just tell them now without actually having read them yet.
And...
If you are still an old-school reader who loves having a bookshelf and having books on them so that when people come over they can diagnose what troubles you, then get hard copy versions over at Amazon. There is Midland Mutiny, Stoner, Unincorporated and Enter A Fistful of Marijuana. All you have to do is that thing you do when you purchase items off the Internet. My bank account thanks you for the 35% royalty I receive. You receive the book in a few weeks, straight to your door in plain brown wrapping. Nothing suspicious there at all, Mr. Postman.
And...
If you are curious as to what I'm currently working on, head over to here. There's the edited first chapter of a work in progress - more ...grounded... in reality than my previous ones. It's more of a John Irving World According to Garp story of a boy and girl growing up, falling in love, finding out they like the same author who coincidentally is writing their life story... something like that anyways.
Online reviews, comments always semi-helpful if you are on Goodreads, Amazon, Kindle etc.
Okay, I'm going to have a good birthday by sleeping through most of it, waking up and spending time with my wonderful family on a hot summer's day. There may be ice cream involved and listening to some old cassette tapes.
July 31, 2015
5 Cassette Tapes From My Past
You know you are getting older when you have to start using math to figure out how old you are...
And that being said, I'm getting older. This weekend, to be exact. I don't feel old. I am currently watching (and loving) Workaholics and I think Mad Max;Fury Road is the Movie of the Year. But my age betrays me, as does my body at times. I think others my age are sitting in front of their TVs watching Jeopardy and loving socially conscious movies like 12 Years A Slave (note-haven't seen it so not a critique). Perhaps they are thinking of how to maximize their RRSP contributions while I'm still trying to figure out what an RRSP is. All I know is there a level of shame I feel as I am not ready for old age at all. I don't have a retirement plan and only in the last few years am I understanding the cause and effect of putting beer and hot wings through my system without an adequate amount of fiber after.
But I digress, I recently found a couple of old cassette tapes that were in a box of checkers and it got me thinking of what 5 tapes from my childhood made me who I am today.
So what does that say? Is my age relative to my attitude? Is it a reflection of my interests? Am I still procrastinating on other, more important things? (yes) Do I have enough bank accounts? social media platforms? A big enough passion for golf and/or gardening? I don't know. Mentally, I don't feel any different from 10 years ago although my life has changed drastically since then. 10 years ago I was still holding onto a belief that 1 person could change my life for the better, if only I waited long enough. I finally decided to stop waiting on a glittered up memory and take what comes. After one big lesson on the problems of 'taking what comes', that right person did come along. And she has now brought along 2 other young mini-me's into existence and I am forever grateful. 34 year old me would never recognize me now. I do things I think would be a good idea, for the KIDS. I fall asleep before 11, for the KIDS. I trip on small little toys and don't throw them out for the KIDS. To keep my sanity, I write. Maybe this blog is for no other reason than for my kids to have an idea of what their poor old Dad was like in his mid-forties. He was a man who never fit in one mold. I'm caught in a multi-world of mortgage brokering, care aiding, daddying, home renovations, firefighting and writing (which is to keep my sanity and avoid the other occupations on this list).
On the way to work tonight I put one of those cassette tapes into our SUV, which is old enough to still have a tape/CD combo. I'm hit with Clumsy by Our Lady Peace. And like an old person, I wonder where has the time gone? My memory of events is no longer 'remember when X did this' but more trying to remember what year 9/11 happened among other big news events. Where was I when the first black president was elected? When was Napster? Who won the Stanley Cup in 2007? Does anyone want to be reminded the panic around Y2K? (which reminds me I need to order an 'I survived Y2K' t-shirt).
My mixed tape was entitled Armageddon 1999. Blur, Radiohead, Our Lady Peace, A Barney Bentall version of 'You Shook Me All Night Long' the vastly overplayed ACDC song from my graduation year, Lenny Kravitz, some B-sides from U2. Memories of feelings, events, attitude. Funny how I still remember all that ... 'stuff'... of where I mentally was over 15 years ago. I remember I was trying to create a local access children's television show, justifying my film school diploma. I'd pull in front of the station on a Sunday afternoon with this tape playing in my battered 1986 Jeep and have the place to myself to do what I wanted. There, I would wonder just what the hell was I doing. Was I delaying or creating my future? And now 15 years later, I lean towards the former but I have to accept we are the sum of our experiences.
That being said, here are a 5 of my most overplayed cassette tapes from my teens - which are the most influential time of your lives, apparently. These tapes outlasted countless knock off Walkmans with broken headphone jacks, broken cassette boxes, long walks and boring homework assignments. Heartbreaks, aimless dreams and that vast loneliness that is being a teenager.
Slade - Keep Your Hands Off My Power Supply
My god, i played this tape so much I have the lyrics memorized. This is the first tape which came to mind when I started thinking back on all the music I had at my disposal during the eighties. It's a tape that even now I think 'cool' then i play it and two songs in think 'man, this is so boring.' For some reason, my biggest memory with this tape is sitting on the roof of my childhood home, chipping fungus mold off of the shingles, thinking of a girl who I lacked the courage to talk to. Two great songs off this album; My Oh My, the mandatory power ballad and Run Runaway, which was covered by the amazing Great Big Sea and given a more Maritime feel.
Violent Femmes The Blind Leading The Naked
This was played in my bitchin' Camaro - a 76 Firebird. It was a short tape, I think just under 40 minutes which due to the frequency of my playing eventually lost its luster, even today. If I recall right, I was listening to Violent Femmes when i was nearly T-boned by a firetruck, sirens on but unseen due to a building on the corner. The quick attack of Old Mother Reagan starts it off but then 30 minutes later i'm wallowing in self-pity as the album ends with a montage of slow ballads such as Cold Canyon and Two People.
Faster Pussycat Kill, Kill, Kill
There was certainly a time and a place for men to wear make-up in public and that time was the eighties and that public space was a music stage. From Robert Smith and The Cure's heavy mascara to Poison's androgynous record cover, the sheer amount of hairspray, mascara and spandex that invaded our bedroom posters and record covers all but rescued Disco from being the most embarrassing musical genre of a generation.
Faster Pussycat was probably a mid-level semi-metal band with one catchy stutter rap/metal song called Babylon. I remember hearing this after a hockey game in the dressing room. It worked for me then, not so much now. Looking at this album cover, all I can see is a mash up of other semi-famous musician look-a-likes (from left; Simon LeBon, Steven Tyler, Ian Astbury from the Cult, Brett Michaels from Poison, and Slash's younger, less talented brother).
Motley Crue Theater Of Pain
Motley Crue was the eighties. They were part of the new generation pushing out the 'Stadium Rock' 70's bands such as Styx, Journey, Foreigner. They were black leather and chains freakazoids, taking punk slightly more mainstream and they knew how to put on a show. They were the band you didn't want your parents to hear. But with the good came the bad and in that decade they were at the forefront of the metal hairspray mentality, ending their decade of power with pink spandex and more blush than eye liner. Theater of Pain wasn't their greatest album by any means, but it was classic Crue with the killer Power Ballad Home Sweet Home and a decent radio-friendly version of Smokin' In The Boys Room.
The only clear memory I have of this is listening to Home Sweet Home on the freeway into Vancouver. Images of cars and buildings going by.
U2 The Joshua Tree
Surprise. I'm a white guy from a middle income family so of course, The Joshua Tree was in my collection and overplayed because...moody aimless teenager. I first heard this through my best friend's older sister who was driving us somewhere at the time. I don't recollect where or even what the song was - only that she commented she really loved the album. And then I was hearing it everywhere. I remember I had a U2 concert T-shirt, something left behind by my much cooler cousin after one summer. While I don't have a certain memory of the album, I do remember wearing the T-shirt one night at an underage dance club. While dancing with a girl we were making some small talk and she said 'I love you too.' which i took to be quite forward but .. whatever - I'm an awkward teen going through puberty. So I said 'uh, thanks', and kissed her. We exchanged phone numbers and it wasn't until she borrowed that shirt from me and I never saw her again did i realize she most likely was stating she loved the band, not me personally. Although I did have some sweet dance moves at the time and a confusing hair cut so you can see my confusion.
Well, that's it down memory lane tonight. Maybe next time I will try to recall my top albums.
July 16, 2015
Off Season Game Plan Dallas Stars Edition
Dallas. Where the men are either steers or queers. Remember when the Bruins sent Tyler Seguin, aka not Taylor Hall for Loui Eriksson to the Lone Star state to up the steer ratio and number of recent Stanley Cup winners on the team by 1? Dallas girls got ready to party.
unfortunately, they also brought their
less attractive friend to the games as well
He joined a relatively unheard of Jaime Benn to create a scoring force of extraordinary magnitude - so extraordinary that Jaime Benn wound up winning the Art Ross trophy, a trophy usually reserved for one of the 'elite' scorers of the NHL who people with some small knowledge have heard of him, so good for him for bringing the first major award to Dallas since the Mike Modano/Ken Hitchcock days.
Remember when...?***SUMMER UPDATE***
Dallas is reaping the rewards of Chicago's winning teams and Salary Cap problems; Anti Niemi, former Blackhawk goalie and recently of the imploding San Jose Sharks has signed with the Stars. Then Patrick Sharp and Johnny Oduya sign, following in the blueprint that worked so well for the New York Islanders and also being given a try by the new look Oilers. Possibly the most improved team in the west.
Foreshadowing, 40 years earlierCoach
Lindy Ruff - Lindy is enjoying his coaching career in Dallas after his transplant from Buffalo. With Jim Nill heading the ship, he's brought in a good group of core veteran players and gelled them quite efficiently with the younger talented guys like Seguin and Benn. This team wound up short of the playoffs by a few games, and if Seguin didn't miss 10 games or their goalie stopped a few more shots, they could have easily been in there.
Forwards
This is a team led by Seguin and Benn who nearly doubled all other forwards in scoring. But they have a good mixture of veterans in Jason Spezza, Vernon Fiddler and Ales Hemsky helped provide some work ethic to a growing young team. Another quality scoring threat would be a great help on the second line to take some pressure off.
A rare moment of the boys not partyingDefense
When your top blueliner is Trevor Daley, there is a glaring need for an upgrade. Not that Daley isn't any good; he just needs a couple more years to be 'that guy'. Klinkberg did well for me on my NHL14 GM mode, although he was playing on a pretty stacked Chicago team (of which I was also part of).
As rare as a #1 All-Star Defenseman in Dallas
Goalies
Looking small and scared in the net
If Dallas has a small defensive problem, they have a huge goaltending problem. Kari Lehtonen proved somewhat human last year, posting the worst save % of his career despite winning 34 games while doing it. He's in need of a capable back-up to help shoulder the burden of playing behind a relatively young defense.
#1 Priority - Get a quality, veteran defenseman. ***Oduya signs***
#2 Priority - Have a Plan B in case Lehtonen doesn't bounce back from a less than stellar year. ***Niemi signs***
#3 Priority - Keep Seguin and Benn out of the Drunk Tank and/or STD clinic ***so far, so good***
unfortunately, they also brought their less attractive friend to the games as well
He joined a relatively unheard of Jaime Benn to create a scoring force of extraordinary magnitude - so extraordinary that Jaime Benn wound up winning the Art Ross trophy, a trophy usually reserved for one of the 'elite' scorers of the NHL who people with some small knowledge have heard of him, so good for him for bringing the first major award to Dallas since the Mike Modano/Ken Hitchcock days.
Remember when...?***SUMMER UPDATE***Dallas is reaping the rewards of Chicago's winning teams and Salary Cap problems; Anti Niemi, former Blackhawk goalie and recently of the imploding San Jose Sharks has signed with the Stars. Then Patrick Sharp and Johnny Oduya sign, following in the blueprint that worked so well for the New York Islanders and also being given a try by the new look Oilers. Possibly the most improved team in the west.
Foreshadowing, 40 years earlierCoachLindy Ruff - Lindy is enjoying his coaching career in Dallas after his transplant from Buffalo. With Jim Nill heading the ship, he's brought in a good group of core veteran players and gelled them quite efficiently with the younger talented guys like Seguin and Benn. This team wound up short of the playoffs by a few games, and if Seguin didn't miss 10 games or their goalie stopped a few more shots, they could have easily been in there.
Forwards
This is a team led by Seguin and Benn who nearly doubled all other forwards in scoring. But they have a good mixture of veterans in Jason Spezza, Vernon Fiddler and Ales Hemsky helped provide some work ethic to a growing young team. Another quality scoring threat would be a great help on the second line to take some pressure off.
A rare moment of the boys not partyingDefenseWhen your top blueliner is Trevor Daley, there is a glaring need for an upgrade. Not that Daley isn't any good; he just needs a couple more years to be 'that guy'. Klinkberg did well for me on my NHL14 GM mode, although he was playing on a pretty stacked Chicago team (of which I was also part of).
As rare as a #1 All-Star Defenseman in DallasGoalies
Looking small and scared in the netIf Dallas has a small defensive problem, they have a huge goaltending problem. Kari Lehtonen proved somewhat human last year, posting the worst save % of his career despite winning 34 games while doing it. He's in need of a capable back-up to help shoulder the burden of playing behind a relatively young defense.
#1 Priority - Get a quality, veteran defenseman. ***Oduya signs***
#2 Priority - Have a Plan B in case Lehtonen doesn't bounce back from a less than stellar year. ***Niemi signs***
#3 Priority - Keep Seguin and Benn out of the Drunk Tank and/or STD clinic ***so far, so good***
July 9, 2015
Off Season Game Plan The Florida Panthers Edition
In which blahblahblah...
Florida Panthers. Tampa Bay's older, less successful brother. He's the NHL equivalent of the bartender who remembers what it was like in the 'good ol' days' and is having a mid-life crisis because of how successful his younger brother is. Kinda like JD's brother in Scrubs. You know, the guy who played Ed and the guy who mentors the Flash?
Florida hasn't been relevant since they first entered the league and Scott Mellanby led the Rat Patrol every night until they met their end at the hands of the Colorado Avalanche in the Stanley Cup Final. Since then they have been the Buffalo Sabres of the South. Bad choices, cast-off signings, a lot of Toronto Maple Leafs and a certain Captain Luongo experiment gone full circle.
Perhaps embarrassed at how well the Lightning are selling out, the Panthers made some big changes last year. They brought in a core group of guys to form the nucleus of their new-look offense. Then when it looked like they still had a shot at the playoffs they brought in the Hairy One; Jaromir Jagr from New Jersey.
It didn't help.
Coach Gerald Gallant
He's no Patrick Roy but Gerald was a tiny tornado of force with the Red Wings in the 80's who also took his lumps coaching before landing in Florida. He coached the Columbus Blue Jackets in their early years, fired after his third year. He spend some (seven) years down in the minors before getting another kick at the can. Unfortunately, you have to return to start somewhere and that somewhere is Miami. Could be worse.
Forwards
Before the season started, the Panthers did this;
They finished 10th out of 16 in the Eastern Conference, only 8 points back of a playoff spot. The guys they brought in? Jussi Jokinen was their 3rd leading scorer after Huberdeau and Jagr with 44 points (8G 36A). The other four guys scored 15 goals between them. Did I mention Jussi scored only eight? While I believe experience means something, scoring means a little more. When your 5 core players contribute only 23 goals between them, things have got to change. Even the toughness factor seemed off; with Thornton only putting up 50 PIM tough guy minutes.They re-signed Jagr to mentor/feed Huberdeau and Barkov, another potential 20 goal scorer.
Defense
With #1 pick Aaron Ekblad exceeding expectations, teamed with the Phil Housley-esque Brian Campbell, the Florid defensive pair scored more points than half of the forwards. Willie Mitchell did what he was supposed to do; play defense and he did it well. They've got some new young toughness to back him up but could use a couple more years of seasoning. Campbell's contract is over next year so look for a big year for him or to be moved at the trade deadline.
Goalies
Luongo continues to stick at his career .920 save percentage which is really great for any goalie on any team but Vancouver. He's out of the Canuck circus and loving it. Al Montoya, happy and content not to be the next Cory Schneider could pick up his game a little, but he's not going to go down that road. He will continue to be an acceptable occasional break for Lu.
My #1 Priority - kicking Tampa Bay's ass every time we meetMy #2 Priority - scoring a few more goals to the delight of Gary BettmanMy #3 Priority - being so non-threatening people won't notice the wins pile up like Ted from Scrubs.
he did keep Sacred Heart hospital legally
functioning for 9 years...
Florida Panthers. Tampa Bay's older, less successful brother. He's the NHL equivalent of the bartender who remembers what it was like in the 'good ol' days' and is having a mid-life crisis because of how successful his younger brother is. Kinda like JD's brother in Scrubs. You know, the guy who played Ed and the guy who mentors the Flash?
Florida hasn't been relevant since they first entered the league and Scott Mellanby led the Rat Patrol every night until they met their end at the hands of the Colorado Avalanche in the Stanley Cup Final. Since then they have been the Buffalo Sabres of the South. Bad choices, cast-off signings, a lot of Toronto Maple Leafs and a certain Captain Luongo experiment gone full circle.
Perhaps embarrassed at how well the Lightning are selling out, the Panthers made some big changes last year. They brought in a core group of guys to form the nucleus of their new-look offense. Then when it looked like they still had a shot at the playoffs they brought in the Hairy One; Jaromir Jagr from New Jersey.
It didn't help.
Coach Gerald Gallant
He's no Patrick Roy but Gerald was a tiny tornado of force with the Red Wings in the 80's who also took his lumps coaching before landing in Florida. He coached the Columbus Blue Jackets in their early years, fired after his third year. He spend some (seven) years down in the minors before getting another kick at the can. Unfortunately, you have to return to start somewhere and that somewhere is Miami. Could be worse.
Forwards
Before the season started, the Panthers did this;
They finished 10th out of 16 in the Eastern Conference, only 8 points back of a playoff spot. The guys they brought in? Jussi Jokinen was their 3rd leading scorer after Huberdeau and Jagr with 44 points (8G 36A). The other four guys scored 15 goals between them. Did I mention Jussi scored only eight? While I believe experience means something, scoring means a little more. When your 5 core players contribute only 23 goals between them, things have got to change. Even the toughness factor seemed off; with Thornton only putting up 50 PIM tough guy minutes.They re-signed Jagr to mentor/feed Huberdeau and Barkov, another potential 20 goal scorer.Defense
With #1 pick Aaron Ekblad exceeding expectations, teamed with the Phil Housley-esque Brian Campbell, the Florid defensive pair scored more points than half of the forwards. Willie Mitchell did what he was supposed to do; play defense and he did it well. They've got some new young toughness to back him up but could use a couple more years of seasoning. Campbell's contract is over next year so look for a big year for him or to be moved at the trade deadline.
Goalies
Luongo continues to stick at his career .920 save percentage which is really great for any goalie on any team but Vancouver. He's out of the Canuck circus and loving it. Al Montoya, happy and content not to be the next Cory Schneider could pick up his game a little, but he's not going to go down that road. He will continue to be an acceptable occasional break for Lu.
My #1 Priority - kicking Tampa Bay's ass every time we meetMy #2 Priority - scoring a few more goals to the delight of Gary BettmanMy #3 Priority - being so non-threatening people won't notice the wins pile up like Ted from Scrubs.
he did keep Sacred Heart hospital legally functioning for 9 years...
July 4, 2015
10 Radio-Friendly Songs About Murdering Someone
To celebrate passing 30,000 views with little to no idea of how to do social marketing of this blog, here's one of my favourites. I believe it was the third thing I ever had web-published, the first one I pitched to a faceless Internet website editor. The first two were an essay on Arrested Development and Actors in Need of a Kick Start, respectively. But this one was the first accepted pitch and I think is indicative of my writing; serious subject matter with an absurd twist. Enjoy and thanks!
9 10 Radio-Friendly Songs About Murder
To be clear, this article does not condone murder. Using the word ‘murder’ in any state, be it past, present, or future tense on your Facebook status will create no amount of issues somewhere down the line so it’s best to never use it. Ever. Or do it, double ever. There is a little-used caveat for artists because they can pretend to do it consequence-free as poetic license. It’s in the Artist’s Charter (near the back).
At one time singers use to be story-tellers, using words to say things that didn’t involve the repetitive use of the word ‘baby’ as song filler. Great songs told stories of love, redemption, war, and with an occasional thought-provoking commentary on religion and civilization even if it was a 17 minute song that sounded like gibberish. Very few songs were created about the darker things of life.
Those that were uplifting had staying power. For instance, during all my limited 2 hours of research I could find no uplifting songs about the Spanish Inquisition but everyone knew the words to ‘Happy Birthday to You’, the copyright of which is currently owned by Warner music group bringing in an estimated $2 Million USD yearly in royalties, which means just saying that out loud I now owe them some money. So, to make what most all artists crave (royalties) the more radio-friendly the better. Yet, what if you want to express the darker side of your artistic license?
In today’s world, there are still relatively few songs about murder that make it onto the radio, being such a hot potato of a subject. When it does happen, there’s something about noticing your partner/moody best friend/Mom humming along to a song on the radio about killing a man that makes you really look at them in a new and different (albeit worrisome) light.Yes, there are quite a few murder-themed songs out there by bands with heavy guitars wailing metal angst in any number of it’s sub-genres. And yes, they could use more publicity and quite a few songwriters are in need of extensive therapy (looking at you, Eminem) but that’s what the comments section down below is for. This is primarily a list for those artists that have spent hours and hours singing about killing someone and thinking ‘man, this could be on the top of the charts one day.’
The simple rules of this list is that the songs must be in the 1st person (so excluding songs like Pumped Up Kicks, I Don’t Like Mondays, and Stan) and should still be heard on the radio today.
9. Jenny Was A Friend of Mine – The Killers
The Killers shot out of Las Vegas like a gambler who just waged his family on a pair of aces and lost. They released Hot Fuss in 2003 and among the number of singles on the album there was this one that never really became a single, but was the first song on the album, leading into the rest of a very musically-tight album. The song is quite evidently about a friend of the singer’s named Jenny. No big whoop. If you were born in the seventies or eighties, you knew a girl named Jenny. You may even remember her number.
With a sound reminiscent of Duran Duran and a plodding, melodious base line the simple line of ‘come on come on come on’ gives a nice little hook to this story of a perhaps ambiguous murder. Either he is giving her a really big hug or else he is choking the life out of her.
Although he denies in the song that there is a motive…come on, her name was Jenny. Lead singer Brandon Flowers has since gone on record after it’s release as saying this is part of his ‘Murder Trilogy’, the other two ‘confessional songs’ being ‘Leave the Bourbon on the Shelf’ and ‘Midnight Show’. So, points for obsessive detail, Mr. Flowers.
8. Delilah – Tom Jones
The idea for this article started while ‘researching’ Tom Jones for a previous article. While listening to a live version of ‘Delilah’ he sang at Glastonbury, my attention was caught by the enthusiastic crowd drolly going ‘ha ha ha hah’ at a certain cue. It sounded fun and peculiar I wondered what was the reason for this outburst. So I listened again to the lyrics and realized ‘holy crap, Tom Jones just sang about going all Sid Vicious on a woman‘.
Now we all know Tom Jones would never kill a woman on purpose with a knife (but he could kill her accidentally with his sex-bomb manliness). A lot of musicians go through their whole career without actually truly killing anyone (and then get away with it) but artistic license does grant them some special privileges, especially if it’s catchy. Delilah is no exception.In the song Tom Jones stands outside Delilah’s apartment as she’s going all Tom Jones on a new guy. The next morning, she opens the door, sees him standing there, laughs in his face and Tom knifes her. But not really, because again, he’s Tom Jones.
7. I Shot The Sheriff – Bob Marley
Well, there ain’t no denying Bob’s guilt here, it’s right in the title. However, let’s be clear just to avoid a second murder charge; he did not shoot the deputy. This single made the rounds in the early 70′s and despite containing pretty much the same theme as the radio-unfriendly song Cop Killer, released by the Ice-T led band, Body Count in 1992 it didn’t matter what the lyrics were, hippie chicks would sway-dance to it at music festivals throughout the world.
It could be argued that the difference in the two songs is that Bob’s version, later covered quite famously by Eric Clapton, just sounded much more tourist friendly. And frankly, Marley didn’t give one the impression that he was going to knife you in the kidneys when you weren’t looking, unlike Ice-T at the time.
Cop Killer’s most famous cover is this one by John Maus, who can be safely be stated is no Eric Clapton and the similarities end. Despite the press, Cop Killer never made it onto the charts while Bob can still be heard to this day providing musical ambiance in the front of badly researched Mexican themed restaurants.
6. Goodbye Earl – Dixie Chicks
This may be a bit of a cop-out to my previously mentioned guidelines as this is not really sung in the first person. However, there are three girls in the Dixie Chicks band and whenever i hear it I always associate the murderers as being the other two girls in the band. So really this is a song about all three of them, it’s just the singer is more of an observer, guilty by association, like Colin Farrell in Seven Psychopaths.
This song and video is told in the classic story sense and quite easy to follow along and full of once famous Hollywood-types. Two BFF’s graduate high school, one leaves town and the other marries a douche bag. The other comes back to help get rid of her BFF’s domestic abuse problem.
The song lets you know that there is nothing wrong with a good ol’ fashioned justified killing Southern US style and how to do it. Feed your abusive husband some poisoned black eyed peas (not the musical group), roll him up in a tarp and throw him in a lake.
5. Psycho Killer – Talking Heads
The fact this was 1978 and is sung in both French and English and if anything, it makes the viewer wonder if this song really is about the bassist who actually appears to be thinking about murder throughout the video, perhaps because of the fashion of the day.
Another song that is played frequently by radio stations still trying to retain some their once cool edge despite squeezing it between the One Direction Hour and Justin Beiber sing-a-longs, it manages to maintain it’s cool by being, as far as I could find, the only bilingual song about a murderer. And not just any justified revenge murder, it’s psycho murder.
The lyrics are a fragmented mess of a person’s mind, which fits the title. David Byrne mentioned that he was thinking of Alice Cooper when he wrote it and the original opening of the song was a verse about the protagonist committing a murder or two but was omitted from the final version. The rest of the song is the experience after, which explains the new opening verse and summarily the feeling of running away. I’m guessing to France.
4. Folsom Prison Blues – Johnny Cash
A staple of any ‘Best Of’ Johnny Cash’ mix, Folsom Prison Blues was one of Johnny’s biggest hits off of his first album. He penned it after watching a documentary on Folsom Prison while in the army and while trying to think of the worst reason to kill a man, he came up with one of the most memorable lines ever about murdering
He went on to sing this song for a captive audience at Folsom Prison, a special concert set up for the inmates which was recorded live and went on to become one of his better selling albums in later years. While the cheering at the line ‘just to watch him die’ sounds authentic enough and probably expected, it was revealed that the cheering was added in post-production. The prisoners were told to be on their best behavior, fearing reprisals from the guards if they didn’t walk the line.
Of course, the song is told by the perspective of a prisoner of Folsom Prison who’s main activity in the jail is listening daily to a train going by and wondering who is on that train. All he wants is to get back on the outside and on that train, far away from Folsom Prison. A perfect song for the voice of Johnny Cash, accompanied by a tight walking bass line.
3. Used to Love Her – Guns N’ Roses
From the band that brought us Sweet Child O’Mine, Welcome to the Jungle and November Rain it was easy to overlook this little ballad that was on their EP Lies, released before Axl truly started to develop signs he was going bat-shit crazy.
While it could be stated that this isn’t about murder but euthanasia (specifically when there are rumors that the song is actually about Axl’s dog), it’s hard to overlook the obvious that he fully confesses to, that there is a body buried in his backyard. But it’s just so nice to sing along to with the simple chord structure you might totally miss the connection until you hear yourself singing it while your significant other is rapidly dialing the police on her phone.
2. Man Down – Rihanna
When one thinks murder suspect, one doesn’t think Rihanna so I prefer this version by Walk Off The Earth, a Canadian band that apparently has more success doing covers than the original artists. You may have already heard of them covering Goyte’s ‘Somebody I Used to Know’ and also how to make the most out of their one guitar.
The song gets right into it, not messing about here. The Killer obviously feels remorseful about what’s been done and what he fears will happen. The evidence is all there in the song, the place, the murder weapon, witnesses, the events leading up to the shooting. This song is a prosecutor’s wet dream of a confession.
But like I said, Rihanna isn’t really one someone visualizes as going to the extremes of shooting someone (given her history) but give that situation to some long-haired Canadian who just wants to be left alone and play music for bus fare, then sure…what the heck. As a bonus, listening to those rum pum pum pums does put one in the mood of being on vacation and ordering a nice Pina Colada to enjoy in the sun.
1. Bohemian Rhapsody – Queen
The greatest rock/ballad/opera/rock crossover of all time, Bohemian Rhapsody told the story of a simple man who killed a man. It was perhaps the greatest thing to come out of the seventies and made for a great start to Wayne’s World.
The long running time and smooth transitions in rhythmic and harmonic tempos made for a song that was easy to forget was all one long piece of music regarding the murder of a man and the trial and judgement of the murderer’s soul with the devil. Freddie Mercury’s voice puts us at ease as the story unfolds creating a sense of compassion and loneliness for this man who obviously knows he’s in the wrong.
Then the changes happen and everybody starts singing along to the ‘trial’ portion of the song, although most of us have no idea what we are singing, it sounds great in a crowd. It’s the only time Gallileo has been mentioned so enthusiastically outside of science class as well.
Everybody in the history of the world who ever listened to this gets pumped up when the ‘trial’ portion really gets underway (for visual evidence, see Wayne’s World link) and then to top it off, the kicker comes in and the outburst of guitars brings us back to the world of rock and roll. A subtle fade out and we are left exhausted and relieved, touched by the magic that was Freddie Mercury in a song about love, death and redemption. Long live Freddie…
Which songs about murder have we missed? Let us know in the comments section below.
BONUS;
Country Death Song, Violent Femmes
I feel shame that I forgot this wonderful upbeat bit of macabre from my most favourite band through the later years of high school; The Violent Femmes.
The song is a simple yet complex story of a farmer who murders one of his family, in this case his youngest daughter. The walking bass line and wailing voice of Gordon Gano completes a great story of a murder/suicide of the most tragic kind; a father killing his young daughter. Follow the thought process as the singer talks of losing his mind with the great line; I'm thinking and I'm thinking until there ain't nothing I ain't thunk.
Everything else is just spoiler.
Fun Fact; I first heard the Violent Femmes back in Grade 8, mistaking them for my cool Big City cousin's band. He had the first 4 songs (including the classic Add It Up) on a mixed cassette tape which also had a couple of his demo songs on it. For two years I thought his band was amazing.
9 10 Radio-Friendly Songs About Murder
To be clear, this article does not condone murder. Using the word ‘murder’ in any state, be it past, present, or future tense on your Facebook status will create no amount of issues somewhere down the line so it’s best to never use it. Ever. Or do it, double ever. There is a little-used caveat for artists because they can pretend to do it consequence-free as poetic license. It’s in the Artist’s Charter (near the back).
At one time singers use to be story-tellers, using words to say things that didn’t involve the repetitive use of the word ‘baby’ as song filler. Great songs told stories of love, redemption, war, and with an occasional thought-provoking commentary on religion and civilization even if it was a 17 minute song that sounded like gibberish. Very few songs were created about the darker things of life.
Those that were uplifting had staying power. For instance, during all my limited 2 hours of research I could find no uplifting songs about the Spanish Inquisition but everyone knew the words to ‘Happy Birthday to You’, the copyright of which is currently owned by Warner music group bringing in an estimated $2 Million USD yearly in royalties, which means just saying that out loud I now owe them some money. So, to make what most all artists crave (royalties) the more radio-friendly the better. Yet, what if you want to express the darker side of your artistic license?
In today’s world, there are still relatively few songs about murder that make it onto the radio, being such a hot potato of a subject. When it does happen, there’s something about noticing your partner/moody best friend/Mom humming along to a song on the radio about killing a man that makes you really look at them in a new and different (albeit worrisome) light.Yes, there are quite a few murder-themed songs out there by bands with heavy guitars wailing metal angst in any number of it’s sub-genres. And yes, they could use more publicity and quite a few songwriters are in need of extensive therapy (looking at you, Eminem) but that’s what the comments section down below is for. This is primarily a list for those artists that have spent hours and hours singing about killing someone and thinking ‘man, this could be on the top of the charts one day.’
The simple rules of this list is that the songs must be in the 1st person (so excluding songs like Pumped Up Kicks, I Don’t Like Mondays, and Stan) and should still be heard on the radio today.
9. Jenny Was A Friend of Mine – The Killers
The Killers shot out of Las Vegas like a gambler who just waged his family on a pair of aces and lost. They released Hot Fuss in 2003 and among the number of singles on the album there was this one that never really became a single, but was the first song on the album, leading into the rest of a very musically-tight album. The song is quite evidently about a friend of the singer’s named Jenny. No big whoop. If you were born in the seventies or eighties, you knew a girl named Jenny. You may even remember her number.
With a sound reminiscent of Duran Duran and a plodding, melodious base line the simple line of ‘come on come on come on’ gives a nice little hook to this story of a perhaps ambiguous murder. Either he is giving her a really big hug or else he is choking the life out of her.
Although he denies in the song that there is a motive…come on, her name was Jenny. Lead singer Brandon Flowers has since gone on record after it’s release as saying this is part of his ‘Murder Trilogy’, the other two ‘confessional songs’ being ‘Leave the Bourbon on the Shelf’ and ‘Midnight Show’. So, points for obsessive detail, Mr. Flowers.
8. Delilah – Tom Jones
The idea for this article started while ‘researching’ Tom Jones for a previous article. While listening to a live version of ‘Delilah’ he sang at Glastonbury, my attention was caught by the enthusiastic crowd drolly going ‘ha ha ha hah’ at a certain cue. It sounded fun and peculiar I wondered what was the reason for this outburst. So I listened again to the lyrics and realized ‘holy crap, Tom Jones just sang about going all Sid Vicious on a woman‘.
Now we all know Tom Jones would never kill a woman on purpose with a knife (but he could kill her accidentally with his sex-bomb manliness). A lot of musicians go through their whole career without actually truly killing anyone (and then get away with it) but artistic license does grant them some special privileges, especially if it’s catchy. Delilah is no exception.In the song Tom Jones stands outside Delilah’s apartment as she’s going all Tom Jones on a new guy. The next morning, she opens the door, sees him standing there, laughs in his face and Tom knifes her. But not really, because again, he’s Tom Jones.
7. I Shot The Sheriff – Bob Marley
Well, there ain’t no denying Bob’s guilt here, it’s right in the title. However, let’s be clear just to avoid a second murder charge; he did not shoot the deputy. This single made the rounds in the early 70′s and despite containing pretty much the same theme as the radio-unfriendly song Cop Killer, released by the Ice-T led band, Body Count in 1992 it didn’t matter what the lyrics were, hippie chicks would sway-dance to it at music festivals throughout the world.
It could be argued that the difference in the two songs is that Bob’s version, later covered quite famously by Eric Clapton, just sounded much more tourist friendly. And frankly, Marley didn’t give one the impression that he was going to knife you in the kidneys when you weren’t looking, unlike Ice-T at the time.
Cop Killer’s most famous cover is this one by John Maus, who can be safely be stated is no Eric Clapton and the similarities end. Despite the press, Cop Killer never made it onto the charts while Bob can still be heard to this day providing musical ambiance in the front of badly researched Mexican themed restaurants.
6. Goodbye Earl – Dixie Chicks
This may be a bit of a cop-out to my previously mentioned guidelines as this is not really sung in the first person. However, there are three girls in the Dixie Chicks band and whenever i hear it I always associate the murderers as being the other two girls in the band. So really this is a song about all three of them, it’s just the singer is more of an observer, guilty by association, like Colin Farrell in Seven Psychopaths.
This song and video is told in the classic story sense and quite easy to follow along and full of once famous Hollywood-types. Two BFF’s graduate high school, one leaves town and the other marries a douche bag. The other comes back to help get rid of her BFF’s domestic abuse problem.
The song lets you know that there is nothing wrong with a good ol’ fashioned justified killing Southern US style and how to do it. Feed your abusive husband some poisoned black eyed peas (not the musical group), roll him up in a tarp and throw him in a lake.
5. Psycho Killer – Talking Heads
The fact this was 1978 and is sung in both French and English and if anything, it makes the viewer wonder if this song really is about the bassist who actually appears to be thinking about murder throughout the video, perhaps because of the fashion of the day.
Another song that is played frequently by radio stations still trying to retain some their once cool edge despite squeezing it between the One Direction Hour and Justin Beiber sing-a-longs, it manages to maintain it’s cool by being, as far as I could find, the only bilingual song about a murderer. And not just any justified revenge murder, it’s psycho murder.
The lyrics are a fragmented mess of a person’s mind, which fits the title. David Byrne mentioned that he was thinking of Alice Cooper when he wrote it and the original opening of the song was a verse about the protagonist committing a murder or two but was omitted from the final version. The rest of the song is the experience after, which explains the new opening verse and summarily the feeling of running away. I’m guessing to France.
4. Folsom Prison Blues – Johnny Cash
A staple of any ‘Best Of’ Johnny Cash’ mix, Folsom Prison Blues was one of Johnny’s biggest hits off of his first album. He penned it after watching a documentary on Folsom Prison while in the army and while trying to think of the worst reason to kill a man, he came up with one of the most memorable lines ever about murdering
He went on to sing this song for a captive audience at Folsom Prison, a special concert set up for the inmates which was recorded live and went on to become one of his better selling albums in later years. While the cheering at the line ‘just to watch him die’ sounds authentic enough and probably expected, it was revealed that the cheering was added in post-production. The prisoners were told to be on their best behavior, fearing reprisals from the guards if they didn’t walk the line.
Of course, the song is told by the perspective of a prisoner of Folsom Prison who’s main activity in the jail is listening daily to a train going by and wondering who is on that train. All he wants is to get back on the outside and on that train, far away from Folsom Prison. A perfect song for the voice of Johnny Cash, accompanied by a tight walking bass line.
3. Used to Love Her – Guns N’ Roses
From the band that brought us Sweet Child O’Mine, Welcome to the Jungle and November Rain it was easy to overlook this little ballad that was on their EP Lies, released before Axl truly started to develop signs he was going bat-shit crazy.
While it could be stated that this isn’t about murder but euthanasia (specifically when there are rumors that the song is actually about Axl’s dog), it’s hard to overlook the obvious that he fully confesses to, that there is a body buried in his backyard. But it’s just so nice to sing along to with the simple chord structure you might totally miss the connection until you hear yourself singing it while your significant other is rapidly dialing the police on her phone.
2. Man Down – Rihanna
When one thinks murder suspect, one doesn’t think Rihanna so I prefer this version by Walk Off The Earth, a Canadian band that apparently has more success doing covers than the original artists. You may have already heard of them covering Goyte’s ‘Somebody I Used to Know’ and also how to make the most out of their one guitar.
The song gets right into it, not messing about here. The Killer obviously feels remorseful about what’s been done and what he fears will happen. The evidence is all there in the song, the place, the murder weapon, witnesses, the events leading up to the shooting. This song is a prosecutor’s wet dream of a confession.
But like I said, Rihanna isn’t really one someone visualizes as going to the extremes of shooting someone (given her history) but give that situation to some long-haired Canadian who just wants to be left alone and play music for bus fare, then sure…what the heck. As a bonus, listening to those rum pum pum pums does put one in the mood of being on vacation and ordering a nice Pina Colada to enjoy in the sun.
1. Bohemian Rhapsody – Queen
The greatest rock/ballad/opera/rock crossover of all time, Bohemian Rhapsody told the story of a simple man who killed a man. It was perhaps the greatest thing to come out of the seventies and made for a great start to Wayne’s World.
The long running time and smooth transitions in rhythmic and harmonic tempos made for a song that was easy to forget was all one long piece of music regarding the murder of a man and the trial and judgement of the murderer’s soul with the devil. Freddie Mercury’s voice puts us at ease as the story unfolds creating a sense of compassion and loneliness for this man who obviously knows he’s in the wrong.
Then the changes happen and everybody starts singing along to the ‘trial’ portion of the song, although most of us have no idea what we are singing, it sounds great in a crowd. It’s the only time Gallileo has been mentioned so enthusiastically outside of science class as well.
Everybody in the history of the world who ever listened to this gets pumped up when the ‘trial’ portion really gets underway (for visual evidence, see Wayne’s World link) and then to top it off, the kicker comes in and the outburst of guitars brings us back to the world of rock and roll. A subtle fade out and we are left exhausted and relieved, touched by the magic that was Freddie Mercury in a song about love, death and redemption. Long live Freddie…
Which songs about murder have we missed? Let us know in the comments section below.
BONUS;
Country Death Song, Violent Femmes
I feel shame that I forgot this wonderful upbeat bit of macabre from my most favourite band through the later years of high school; The Violent Femmes.
The song is a simple yet complex story of a farmer who murders one of his family, in this case his youngest daughter. The walking bass line and wailing voice of Gordon Gano completes a great story of a murder/suicide of the most tragic kind; a father killing his young daughter. Follow the thought process as the singer talks of losing his mind with the great line; I'm thinking and I'm thinking until there ain't nothing I ain't thunk.
Everything else is just spoiler.
Fun Fact; I first heard the Violent Femmes back in Grade 8, mistaking them for my cool Big City cousin's band. He had the first 4 songs (including the classic Add It Up) on a mixed cassette tape which also had a couple of his demo songs on it. For two years I thought his band was amazing.
9 radio-friendly songs about murder
To celebrate passing 30,000 views with little to no idea of how to do social marketing of this blog, here's one of my favourites. I believe it was the third thing I ever had web-published, the first one I pitched to a faceless Internet website editor. The first two were an essay on Arrested Development and Actors in Need of a Kick Start, respectively. But this one was the first accepted pitch and I think is indicative of my writing; serious subject matter with an absurd twist. Enjoy and thanks!
9 Radio-Friendly Songs About Murder (+1)
To be clear, this article does not condone murder. Using the word ‘murder’ in any state, be it past, present, or future tense on your Facebook status will create no amount of issues somewhere down the line so it’s best to never use it. Ever. Or do it, double ever. There is a little-used caveat for artists because they can pretend to do it consequence-free as poetic license. It’s in the Artist’s Charter (near the back).
At one time singers use to be story-tellers, using words to say things that didn’t involve the repetitive use of the word ‘baby’ as song filler. Great songs told stories of love, redemption, war, and with an occasional thought-provoking commentary on religion and civilization even if it was a 17 minute song that sounded like gibberish. Very few songs were created about the darker things of life.
Those that were uplifting had staying power. For instance, during all my limited 2 hours of research I could find no uplifting songs about the Spanish Inquisition but everyone knew the words to ‘Happy Birthday to You’, the copyright of which is currently owned by Warner music group bringing in an estimated $2 Million USD yearly in royalties, which means just saying that out loud I now owe them some money. So, to make what most all artists crave (royalties) the more radio-friendly the better. Yet, what if you want to express the darker side of your artistic license?
In today’s world, there are still relatively few songs about murder that make it onto the radio, being such a hot potato of a subject. When it does happen, there’s something about noticing your partner/moody best friend/Mom humming along to a song on the radio about killing a man that makes you really look at them in a new and different (albeit worrisome) light.Yes, there are quite a few murder-themed songs out there by bands with heavy guitars wailing metal angst in any number of it’s sub-genres. And yes, they could use more publicity and quite a few songwriters are in need of extensive therapy (looking at you, Eminem) but that’s what the comments section down below is for. This is primarily a list for those artists that have spent hours and hours singing about killing someone and thinking ‘man, this could be on the top of the charts one day.’
The simple rules of this list is that the songs must be in the 1st person (so excluding songs like Pumped Up Kicks, I Don’t Like Mondays, and Stan) and should still be heard on the radio today.
9. Jenny Was A Friend of Mine – The Killers
The Killers shot out of Las Vegas like a gambler who just waged his family on a pair of aces and lost. They released Hot Fuss in 2003 and among the number of singles on the album there was this one that never really became a single, but was the first song on the album, leading into the rest of a very musically-tight album. The song is quite evidently about a friend of the singer’s named Jenny. No big whoop. If you were born in the seventies or eighties, you knew a girl named Jenny. You may even remember her number.
With a sound reminiscent of Duran Duran and a plodding, melodious base line the simple line of ‘come on come on come on’ gives a nice little hook to this story of a perhaps ambiguous murder. Either he is giving her a really big hug or else he is choking the life out of her.
Although he denies in the song that there is a motive…come on, her name was Jenny. Lead singer Brandon Flowers has since gone on record after it’s release as saying this is part of his ‘Murder Trilogy’, the other two ‘confessional songs’ being ‘Leave the Bourbon on the Shelf’ and ‘Midnight Show’. So, points for obsessive detail, Mr. Flowers.
8. Delilah – Tom Jones
The idea for this article started while ‘researching’ Tom Jones for a previous article. While listening to a live version of ‘Delilah’ he sang at Glastonbury, my attention was caught by the enthusiastic crowd drolly going ‘ha ha ha hah’ at a certain cue. It sounded fun and peculiar I wondered what was the reason for this outburst. So I listened again to the lyrics and realized ‘holy crap, Tom Jones just sang about going all Sid Vicious on a woman‘.
Now we all know Tom Jones would never kill a woman on purpose with a knife (but he could kill her accidentally with his sex-bomb manliness). A lot of musicians go through their whole career without actually truly killing anyone (and then get away with it) but artistic license does grant them some special privileges, especially if it’s catchy. Delilah is no exception.In the song Tom Jones stands outside Delilah’s apartment as she’s going all Tom Jones on a new guy. The next morning, she opens the door, sees him standing there, laughs in his face and Tom knifes her. But not really, because again, he’s Tom Jones.
7. I Shot The Sheriff – Bob Marley
Well, there ain’t no denying Bob’s guilt here, it’s right in the title. However, let’s be clear just to avoid a second murder charge; he did not shoot the deputy. This single made the rounds in the early 70′s and despite containing pretty much the same theme as the radio-unfriendly song Cop Killer, released by the Ice-T led band, Body Count in 1992 it didn’t matter what the lyrics were, hippie chicks would sway-dance to it at music festivals throughout the world.
It could be argued that the difference in the two songs is that Bob’s version, later covered quite famously by Eric Clapton, just sounded much more tourist friendly. And frankly, Marley didn’t give one the impression that he was going to knife you in the kidneys when you weren’t looking, unlike Ice-T at the time.
Cop Killer’s most famous cover is this one by John Maus, who can be safely be stated is no Eric Clapton and the similarities end. Despite the press, Cop Killer never made it onto the charts while Bob can still be heard to this day providing musical ambiance in the front of badly researched Mexican themed restaurants.
6. Goodbye Earl – Dixie Chicks
This may be a bit of a cop-out to my previously mentioned guidelines as this is not really sung in the first person. However, there are three girls in the Dixie Chicks band and whenever i hear it I always associate the murderers as being the other two girls in the band. So really this is a song about all three of them, it’s just the singer is more of an observer, guilty by association, like Colin Farrell in Seven Psychopaths.
This song and video is told in the classic story sense and quite easy to follow along and full of once famous Hollywood-types. Two BFF’s graduate high school, one leaves town and the other marries a douche bag. The other comes back to help get rid of her BFF’s domestic abuse problem.
The song lets you know that there is nothing wrong with a good ol’ fashioned justified killing Southern US style and how to do it. Feed your abusive husband some poisoned black eyed peas (not the musical group), roll him up in a tarp and throw him in a lake.
5. Psycho Killer – Talking Heads
The fact this was 1978 and is sung in both French and English and if anything, it makes the viewer wonder if this song really is about the bassist who actually appears to be thinking about murder throughout the video, perhaps because of the fashion of the day.
Another song that is played frequently by radio stations still trying to retain some their once cool edge despite squeezing it between the One Direction Hour and Justin Beiber sing-a-longs, it manages to maintain it’s cool by being, as far as I could find, the only bilingual song about a murderer. And not just any justified revenge murder, it’s psycho murder.
The lyrics are a fragmented mess of a person’s mind, which fits the title. David Byrne mentioned that he was thinking of Alice Cooper when he wrote it and the original opening of the song was a verse about the protagonist committing a murder or two but was omitted from the final version. The rest of the song is the experience after, which explains the new opening verse and summarily the feeling of running away. I’m guessing to France.
4. Folsom Prison Blues – Johnny Cash
A staple of any ‘Best Of’ Johnny Cash’ mix, Folsom Prison Blues was one of Johnny’s biggest hits off of his first album. He penned it after watching a documentary on Folsom Prison while in the army and while trying to think of the worst reason to kill a man, he came up with one of the most memorable lines ever about murdering
He went on to sing this song for a captive audience at Folsom Prison, a special concert set up for the inmates which was recorded live and went on to become one of his better selling albums in later years. While the cheering at the line ‘just to watch him die’ sounds authentic enough and probably expected, it was revealed that the cheering was added in post-production. The prisoners were told to be on their best behavior, fearing reprisals from the guards if they didn’t walk the line.
Of course, the song is told by the perspective of a prisoner of Folsom Prison who’s main activity in the jail is listening daily to a train going by and wondering who is on that train. All he wants is to get back on the outside and on that train, far away from Folsom Prison. A perfect song for the voice of Johnny Cash, accompanied by a tight walking bass line.
3. Used to Love Her – Guns N’ Roses
From the band that brought us Sweet Child O’Mine, Welcome to the Jungle and November Rain it was easy to overlook this little ballad that was on their EP Lies, released before Axl truly started to develop signs he was going bat-shit crazy.
While it could be stated that this isn’t about murder but euthanasia (specifically when there are rumors that the song is actually about Axl’s dog), it’s hard to overlook the obvious that he fully confesses to, that there is a body buried in his backyard. But it’s just so nice to sing along to with the simple chord structure you might totally miss the connection until you hear yourself singing it while your significant other is rapidly dialing the police on her phone.
2. Man Down – Rihanna
When one thinks murder suspect, one doesn’t think Rihanna so I prefer this version by Walk Off The Earth, a Canadian band that apparently has more success doing covers than the original artists. You may have already heard of them covering Goyte’s ‘Somebody I Used to Know’ and also how to make the most out of their one guitar.
The song gets right into it, not messing about here. The Killer obviously feels remorseful about what’s been done and what he fears will happen. The evidence is all there in the song, the place, the murder weapon, witnesses, the events leading up to the shooting. This song is a prosecutor’s wet dream of a confession.
But like I said, Rihanna isn’t really one someone visualizes as going to the extremes of shooting someone (given her history) but give that situation to some long-haired Canadian who just wants to be left alone and play music for bus fare, then sure…what the heck. As a bonus, listening to those rum pum pum pums does put one in the mood of being on vacation and ordering a nice Pina Colada to enjoy in the sun.
1. Bohemian Rhapsody – Queen
The greatest rock/ballad/opera/rock crossover of all time, Bohemian Rhapsody told the story of a simple man who killed a man. It was perhaps the greatest thing to come out of the seventies and made for a great start to Wayne’s World.
The long running time and smooth transitions in rhythmic and harmonic tempos made for a song that was easy to forget was all one long piece of music regarding the murder of a man and the trial and judgement of the murderer’s soul with the devil. Freddie Mercury’s voice puts us at ease as the story unfolds creating a sense of compassion and loneliness for this man who obviously knows he’s in the wrong.
Then the changes happen and everybody starts singing along to the ‘trial’ portion of the song, although most of us have no idea what we are singing, it sounds great in a crowd. It’s the only time Gallileo has been mentioned so enthusiastically outside of science class as well.
Everybody in the history of the world who ever listened to this gets pumped up when the ‘trial’ portion really gets underway (for visual evidence, see Wayne’s World link) and then to top it off, the kicker comes in and the outburst of guitars brings us back to the world of rock and roll. A subtle fade out and we are left exhausted and relieved, touched by the magic that was Freddie Mercury in a song about love, death and redemption. Long live Freddie…
Which songs about murder have we missed? Let us know in the comments section below.
BONUS;
Country Death Song, Violent Femmes
I feel shame that I forgot this wonderful upbeat bit of macabre from my most favourite band through the later years of high school; The Violent Femmes.
The song is a simple yet complex story of a farmer who murders one of his family, in this case his youngest daughter. The walking bass line and wailing voice of Gordon Gano completes a great story of a murder/suicide of the most tragic kind; a father killing his young daughter. Follow the thought process as the singer talks of losing his mind with the great line; I'm thinking and I'm thinking until there ain't nothing I ain't thunk.
Everything else is just spoiler.
Fun Fact; I first heard the Violent Femmes back in Grade 8, mistaking them for my cool Big City cousin's band. He had the first 4 songs (including the classic Add It Up) on a mixed cassette tape which also had a couple of his demo songs on it. For two years I thought his band was amazing.
9 Radio-Friendly Songs About Murder (+1)
To be clear, this article does not condone murder. Using the word ‘murder’ in any state, be it past, present, or future tense on your Facebook status will create no amount of issues somewhere down the line so it’s best to never use it. Ever. Or do it, double ever. There is a little-used caveat for artists because they can pretend to do it consequence-free as poetic license. It’s in the Artist’s Charter (near the back).
At one time singers use to be story-tellers, using words to say things that didn’t involve the repetitive use of the word ‘baby’ as song filler. Great songs told stories of love, redemption, war, and with an occasional thought-provoking commentary on religion and civilization even if it was a 17 minute song that sounded like gibberish. Very few songs were created about the darker things of life.
Those that were uplifting had staying power. For instance, during all my limited 2 hours of research I could find no uplifting songs about the Spanish Inquisition but everyone knew the words to ‘Happy Birthday to You’, the copyright of which is currently owned by Warner music group bringing in an estimated $2 Million USD yearly in royalties, which means just saying that out loud I now owe them some money. So, to make what most all artists crave (royalties) the more radio-friendly the better. Yet, what if you want to express the darker side of your artistic license?
In today’s world, there are still relatively few songs about murder that make it onto the radio, being such a hot potato of a subject. When it does happen, there’s something about noticing your partner/moody best friend/Mom humming along to a song on the radio about killing a man that makes you really look at them in a new and different (albeit worrisome) light.Yes, there are quite a few murder-themed songs out there by bands with heavy guitars wailing metal angst in any number of it’s sub-genres. And yes, they could use more publicity and quite a few songwriters are in need of extensive therapy (looking at you, Eminem) but that’s what the comments section down below is for. This is primarily a list for those artists that have spent hours and hours singing about killing someone and thinking ‘man, this could be on the top of the charts one day.’
The simple rules of this list is that the songs must be in the 1st person (so excluding songs like Pumped Up Kicks, I Don’t Like Mondays, and Stan) and should still be heard on the radio today.
9. Jenny Was A Friend of Mine – The Killers
The Killers shot out of Las Vegas like a gambler who just waged his family on a pair of aces and lost. They released Hot Fuss in 2003 and among the number of singles on the album there was this one that never really became a single, but was the first song on the album, leading into the rest of a very musically-tight album. The song is quite evidently about a friend of the singer’s named Jenny. No big whoop. If you were born in the seventies or eighties, you knew a girl named Jenny. You may even remember her number.
With a sound reminiscent of Duran Duran and a plodding, melodious base line the simple line of ‘come on come on come on’ gives a nice little hook to this story of a perhaps ambiguous murder. Either he is giving her a really big hug or else he is choking the life out of her.
Although he denies in the song that there is a motive…come on, her name was Jenny. Lead singer Brandon Flowers has since gone on record after it’s release as saying this is part of his ‘Murder Trilogy’, the other two ‘confessional songs’ being ‘Leave the Bourbon on the Shelf’ and ‘Midnight Show’. So, points for obsessive detail, Mr. Flowers.
8. Delilah – Tom Jones
The idea for this article started while ‘researching’ Tom Jones for a previous article. While listening to a live version of ‘Delilah’ he sang at Glastonbury, my attention was caught by the enthusiastic crowd drolly going ‘ha ha ha hah’ at a certain cue. It sounded fun and peculiar I wondered what was the reason for this outburst. So I listened again to the lyrics and realized ‘holy crap, Tom Jones just sang about going all Sid Vicious on a woman‘.
Now we all know Tom Jones would never kill a woman on purpose with a knife (but he could kill her accidentally with his sex-bomb manliness). A lot of musicians go through their whole career without actually truly killing anyone (and then get away with it) but artistic license does grant them some special privileges, especially if it’s catchy. Delilah is no exception.In the song Tom Jones stands outside Delilah’s apartment as she’s going all Tom Jones on a new guy. The next morning, she opens the door, sees him standing there, laughs in his face and Tom knifes her. But not really, because again, he’s Tom Jones.
7. I Shot The Sheriff – Bob Marley
Well, there ain’t no denying Bob’s guilt here, it’s right in the title. However, let’s be clear just to avoid a second murder charge; he did not shoot the deputy. This single made the rounds in the early 70′s and despite containing pretty much the same theme as the radio-unfriendly song Cop Killer, released by the Ice-T led band, Body Count in 1992 it didn’t matter what the lyrics were, hippie chicks would sway-dance to it at music festivals throughout the world.
It could be argued that the difference in the two songs is that Bob’s version, later covered quite famously by Eric Clapton, just sounded much more tourist friendly. And frankly, Marley didn’t give one the impression that he was going to knife you in the kidneys when you weren’t looking, unlike Ice-T at the time.
Cop Killer’s most famous cover is this one by John Maus, who can be safely be stated is no Eric Clapton and the similarities end. Despite the press, Cop Killer never made it onto the charts while Bob can still be heard to this day providing musical ambiance in the front of badly researched Mexican themed restaurants.
6. Goodbye Earl – Dixie Chicks
This may be a bit of a cop-out to my previously mentioned guidelines as this is not really sung in the first person. However, there are three girls in the Dixie Chicks band and whenever i hear it I always associate the murderers as being the other two girls in the band. So really this is a song about all three of them, it’s just the singer is more of an observer, guilty by association, like Colin Farrell in Seven Psychopaths.
This song and video is told in the classic story sense and quite easy to follow along and full of once famous Hollywood-types. Two BFF’s graduate high school, one leaves town and the other marries a douche bag. The other comes back to help get rid of her BFF’s domestic abuse problem.
The song lets you know that there is nothing wrong with a good ol’ fashioned justified killing Southern US style and how to do it. Feed your abusive husband some poisoned black eyed peas (not the musical group), roll him up in a tarp and throw him in a lake.
5. Psycho Killer – Talking Heads
The fact this was 1978 and is sung in both French and English and if anything, it makes the viewer wonder if this song really is about the bassist who actually appears to be thinking about murder throughout the video, perhaps because of the fashion of the day.
Another song that is played frequently by radio stations still trying to retain some their once cool edge despite squeezing it between the One Direction Hour and Justin Beiber sing-a-longs, it manages to maintain it’s cool by being, as far as I could find, the only bilingual song about a murderer. And not just any justified revenge murder, it’s psycho murder.
The lyrics are a fragmented mess of a person’s mind, which fits the title. David Byrne mentioned that he was thinking of Alice Cooper when he wrote it and the original opening of the song was a verse about the protagonist committing a murder or two but was omitted from the final version. The rest of the song is the experience after, which explains the new opening verse and summarily the feeling of running away. I’m guessing to France.
4. Folsom Prison Blues – Johnny Cash
A staple of any ‘Best Of’ Johnny Cash’ mix, Folsom Prison Blues was one of Johnny’s biggest hits off of his first album. He penned it after watching a documentary on Folsom Prison while in the army and while trying to think of the worst reason to kill a man, he came up with one of the most memorable lines ever about murdering
He went on to sing this song for a captive audience at Folsom Prison, a special concert set up for the inmates which was recorded live and went on to become one of his better selling albums in later years. While the cheering at the line ‘just to watch him die’ sounds authentic enough and probably expected, it was revealed that the cheering was added in post-production. The prisoners were told to be on their best behavior, fearing reprisals from the guards if they didn’t walk the line.
Of course, the song is told by the perspective of a prisoner of Folsom Prison who’s main activity in the jail is listening daily to a train going by and wondering who is on that train. All he wants is to get back on the outside and on that train, far away from Folsom Prison. A perfect song for the voice of Johnny Cash, accompanied by a tight walking bass line.
3. Used to Love Her – Guns N’ Roses
From the band that brought us Sweet Child O’Mine, Welcome to the Jungle and November Rain it was easy to overlook this little ballad that was on their EP Lies, released before Axl truly started to develop signs he was going bat-shit crazy.
While it could be stated that this isn’t about murder but euthanasia (specifically when there are rumors that the song is actually about Axl’s dog), it’s hard to overlook the obvious that he fully confesses to, that there is a body buried in his backyard. But it’s just so nice to sing along to with the simple chord structure you might totally miss the connection until you hear yourself singing it while your significant other is rapidly dialing the police on her phone.
2. Man Down – Rihanna
When one thinks murder suspect, one doesn’t think Rihanna so I prefer this version by Walk Off The Earth, a Canadian band that apparently has more success doing covers than the original artists. You may have already heard of them covering Goyte’s ‘Somebody I Used to Know’ and also how to make the most out of their one guitar.
The song gets right into it, not messing about here. The Killer obviously feels remorseful about what’s been done and what he fears will happen. The evidence is all there in the song, the place, the murder weapon, witnesses, the events leading up to the shooting. This song is a prosecutor’s wet dream of a confession.
But like I said, Rihanna isn’t really one someone visualizes as going to the extremes of shooting someone (given her history) but give that situation to some long-haired Canadian who just wants to be left alone and play music for bus fare, then sure…what the heck. As a bonus, listening to those rum pum pum pums does put one in the mood of being on vacation and ordering a nice Pina Colada to enjoy in the sun.
1. Bohemian Rhapsody – Queen
The greatest rock/ballad/opera/rock crossover of all time, Bohemian Rhapsody told the story of a simple man who killed a man. It was perhaps the greatest thing to come out of the seventies and made for a great start to Wayne’s World.
The long running time and smooth transitions in rhythmic and harmonic tempos made for a song that was easy to forget was all one long piece of music regarding the murder of a man and the trial and judgement of the murderer’s soul with the devil. Freddie Mercury’s voice puts us at ease as the story unfolds creating a sense of compassion and loneliness for this man who obviously knows he’s in the wrong.
Then the changes happen and everybody starts singing along to the ‘trial’ portion of the song, although most of us have no idea what we are singing, it sounds great in a crowd. It’s the only time Gallileo has been mentioned so enthusiastically outside of science class as well.
Everybody in the history of the world who ever listened to this gets pumped up when the ‘trial’ portion really gets underway (for visual evidence, see Wayne’s World link) and then to top it off, the kicker comes in and the outburst of guitars brings us back to the world of rock and roll. A subtle fade out and we are left exhausted and relieved, touched by the magic that was Freddie Mercury in a song about love, death and redemption. Long live Freddie…
Which songs about murder have we missed? Let us know in the comments section below.
BONUS;
Country Death Song, Violent Femmes
I feel shame that I forgot this wonderful upbeat bit of macabre from my most favourite band through the later years of high school; The Violent Femmes.
The song is a simple yet complex story of a farmer who murders one of his family, in this case his youngest daughter. The walking bass line and wailing voice of Gordon Gano completes a great story of a murder/suicide of the most tragic kind; a father killing his young daughter. Follow the thought process as the singer talks of losing his mind with the great line; I'm thinking and I'm thinking until there ain't nothing I ain't thunk.
Everything else is just spoiler.
Fun Fact; I first heard the Violent Femmes back in Grade 8, mistaking them for my cool Big City cousin's band. He had the first 4 songs (including the classic Add It Up) on a mixed cassette tape which also had a couple of his demo songs on it. For two years I thought his band was amazing.
July 3, 2015
The Reddit Implosion
Reddit, formally known as the 'front page of the Internet' has been suffering some major popcorn drama in recent weeks. Perhaps thought of as the pinnacle of what the Internet can be, it has taken on a life of its own, mirroring the hypocrisy, challenges and tribulations of 'Murica and their stance on free speech. Here is a link to the situation.
First.
Reddit, for those that don't know is a large quasi-socialist Internet community forum. It was formed in 2005 by some college kids who are super rich right now. Or dead. They sold to a company which sold to another company and is now this quasi-semi sentient Internet being barely controlled by Conde Nast (owner of Wired). It was officially labelled 'independent' of Conde Nast in 2011 and their parent company Advance Publications. Consider it a large trashy online newspaper in which you can edit your 'feeds' or 'subreddits'. The amount of subreddits is akin to a galaxy. In the visualization below, each dot represents a subreddit. The more popular the subject (say 'cats' or 'porn'), the more clustered the subreddits are.
And those are the one just on the outsideChances are if you have a 'thing', there is a subreddit dedicated to it somewhere on Reddit. All you have to do is find it and subscribe. You like Phil Kessel? There's a sub called TempleofthePhil for all your pro-Kessel thoughts, observations etc. You like Science, physical fitness, the arts? There are all specific subreddits in which real unmuzzled scientists, health nuts, artists all congregate under funny usernames to exchange ideas, share articles and generally try to be good people. You like porn and pizza? There's a subreddit called sexypizza. You like Taylor Swift, join the sub. You like to look at traffic accident victims, body mutilations, My Little Ponies and other stuff you can't tell your closest friends about? Your fellow freakazoids are waiting for you on Reddit. Still don't believe me? Here are some of your options...How it works;
You make up your own unique username and submit an email. That's it. It's free. You don't get junk mail. You get your own mail system in reddit to maintain your real world anonymity. You get a default 'front page' with generic yet popular forums, then using their search button or just picking random subreddit, you are off to explore the darkest or brightest corners of the Internet.
If you like something someone says or posts, you can click on an arrow which gives them a point of 'karma'. You can also downvote to remove 'karma'. Each subreddit is run by a moderator, who is simply the landlord/owner of the subreddit. They are the only ones who have the power to moderate what is put on the subreddit and it is their voluntary responsibility to ensure the rules are followed.
Here's what made Reddit popular;
From starting off as a place to post Not Safe For Work images to Geek stuff to the hodge podgeit is today, chances are if you see it on your facebook feed, it was on Reddit first.They also had this cute, easy to draw mascot/branding tool;
Especially popular, besides the near-unfettered non-censorship of subreddits and subject matter were the AMA (ask me anythings) interviews done for any subject, in which qualified experts provided proof and were given a forum to answer any questions posed to them. It was like being interviewed by a hundred geeks at the same time. But as with all good things, it drew the attention of New York and Hollywood's public relations and in the last few years the AMAs have become another stop on the talk show circuit to promote movies/music, and careers. Some notable people 'didn't' get it' and became instant legends. Woody Harrelson became the poster boy for how not do do an AMA by refusing to answer anything not related to his movie 'Rampart' which he was there to promote. Morgan Freeman also apparently answered questions while asleep. That did not go over well.
User backlash was fierce; Reddit learned two very important things those days; users expected more from those being interviewed and never show your interview subject as sleeping while answering questions on his behalf.
Anyways, I am digressing. Point is, Reddit is super popular and it took something pretty big to cause a stir over there, like the banning of the subreddit 'jailbait', which featured underaged girls in a sexual manner, for obvious reasons. This subreddit came to light thanks to CNN as they devolved from meaningful journalism to sensationalist journalism to shock your grandparents.
Skip ahead to 2015
We go past the Reddit lore of the Narwhal, the Safe, The Boston Bombers detective agency, using bananas for scale, the success story of RomeSweetRome, (a reddit user story first 'published' on Reddit and currently in development in Hollywood). TheFappening fappened with great fun for all (except Jen Lawrence and others), conspiracy (also a subreddit) goes near-nuclear over near anything, especially the 'downvoting' of pro-Palestinian articles or legitimate articles with an Anti-Semite tone to the Middle East. Skip over the bitching of continual reposts for upvotes, aka Karma-whoring. Major brands are discovered to be doing product placement under the guise of consumer-fed content which pisses everyone off because for some reason they thought Corporate America couldn't find them on Reddit. Guns are also no longer allowed to be sold via Reddit, which pisses Southern America off,
Yet, for all its problems, Reddit was (and is) still primarily a user-fed and supported website, only as popular as those that use it. There most popular AMAs involved Barack Obama and a man with two penises. When you see there are 1000 questions for Bill Murray readers know he isn't going to be able to field them all and nobody expects him to but if he answers your question, Karma! The users feel like they matter. And when you see Buzzfeed or Yahoo publish articles, pictures, etc you've already seen on Reddit a day or two before you know which way the wind is going and your proud to be ahead of it.
Recently two major events have upset the status quo and the foundations of what Reddit was built on. One is the administrator position to ban fatpeoplehate, an admittedly vile subreddit dedicated to shaming obese people anonymously. The reasoning is that it's hateful and bigoted. The collective shouts back it is Free Speech and This is America, dammit. We can do what we want.
No, you can't, was Reddit's response as the nameless/faceless IT department goes on a banning rampage, banning followup subreddits fatpeoplehate2 through 9, among a smattering of other similarly themed obesity related subs. Other subs pop up and are quickly banned, mostly involving Reddit's interim CEO, Ellen Pao who in Karma news recently lost her sexual discrimination case against her former employer (she was suing for $9 Million) and told to pay $275,000 in legal costs to her ex-employer.
Yet, here was the bigger issue - in a vast Internet forum/bulletin board with subjects more vile than making fun of obese people, why was fatpeoplehate singled out? Reddit hosts subreddits where inflammatory subject matter is evident in the forum's name; ie; Coontown, morguebabes, beatingwomen yet those survive the banning because apparently - they weren't as popular as FPH, Wake up America, aka the fattest nation on Earth, it is not okay to poke fun at yourselves because AMERICA!
The idea of Free Speech on the Internet is nothing new. Giving those in your community the ultimate concept of Free Speech and taking it away from them, well, is that what America is all about nowadays? Freedom with a capital F and lower case u? 
At least America still has the freedom to not celebrate.But it's not over. The sudden firing of Victoria aka 'chooter' aka Reddit's Director of Communications aka the one who spearheaded and organized the AMA interviews. She was the one in charge of correcting the perception of Reddit being nothing more than another corporate shill to sell movie tickets and alter public perceptions via social media marketing, of which Internet giants such as Facebook, Reddit, and Twitter are massive data mines. She helped celebrities from science, Hollywood, Politics, books, and the man with two penises filter the questions from the witty asides during their AMAs. And apparently she was really, really good at her job. But being popular doesn't mean you can't be fired, even at Reddit.In support of her and in protest of her unexplained firing, many of Reddit's most popular subs have gone private or dark. People scheduled to do AMAs have no idea what is going on. She was the glue that kept everything going, becoming a celebrity in her own right. Everyone who lurked on the AMAs knew who Victoria was. It's a nice, symbolic show of support which I doubt will last the weekend.
And Here We Are Today
Reddit is clearly undergoing some massive internal changes, from the move to San Fran or be laid off ultimatum to its remote employees, to the Ellen Pao saga, and now The Victoria Mystery. Reddit has fallen off its perch as the best least-known website allowing others to fill the void, such as voat, which was ironically enough, promoted so heavily after/during the Pao saga the site crashed due to the influx of new subscribers coming from Reddit. And it is happening again.
So if you are planning on firing the face of your company, you better have a back-up plan ready. Reddit didn't. And now, millions of users are looking to get their fix elsewhere. Sadly, with our limited attention spans and need for cheap and/or shocking laughs, most will come back. I will still check in as most of my subreddits aren't that popular to begin with, such as 'cutebabyelephants'. Reddit is too big to fail now. However, that is what was said about Digg and MySpace.
I think Reddit will continue to be an amazing drama shit show, the sheer amount of subreddits on there make it impossible to censor all of them. Companies that tend to wander away from the core values of what made it so popular in the first place seem to frustratingly succeed. And as long as we pretend all those upvotes and downvotes mean something, we will return to the trough.
Good? Bad? Like the argument goes, if you support Free Speech you have to take the good with the bad. If you believe Reddit's faceless board of directors has a right to do what it wants to their website and employees because that is the American way, so be it.
July 2, 2015
The Off-Season Game Plan: The Colorado Avalanche Edition
In which I realize I can't possibly have a life and keep up to Scott Cullen, who does these over at TSN and gets paid. So I do it for fun and practice.
The Colorado Avalanche aka The Return of the King Year 3
It was the best of times. After several below par seasons, Avalanche all-star Joe Sakic reached out to another former Colorado all-star. King Patrick Roy returned to the NHL after a semi-successful training session in Junior as father/coach. While he successfully jumped back into the NHL, his two sons have found truer callings and conveniently forget to send him Father's Day cards (maybe, what do I know?). Post note Bobby Nadreau no longer pretends to be invisible to avoid conflict.
King Roy arrived in Denver with his customary flash - losing his shit in his first (?) game with Bruce Boudreau.
-No. The Avs missed the playoffs...again.
Head Coach
Patrick Roy - despite his famous first game temper tantrum, Roy was relatively silent last year. Look for him to try to relight that fire early in the season. If the Avs are around 500 in December, his job is safe for another few years. And let's face it, in today's NHL it's pretty easy to be 'around 500'. Basically, the Avs would have to linger around Arizona Coyotes territory for Joe to make a change at head coach. Don't look for that to happen.
Forwards
Jarome was constantly feeling he was living in a glass cage
in his now sold Calgary homeI guess the Avs felt they needed some veteran leadership so they went and signed Jarome Iginla last year who proved his weight on the stats sheet, leading all Avs in goals and tying team captain Gabriel Landensomethingorother in points. Daniel Briere, not so much. However, the Avs have a nice mix of young and old talent at forward and more than a few lunch-bucket players to make up the bottom half of the line-up. They just need those guys to bring some bigger lunch buckets to work this year. Iginla won't be around forever, unless he keeps scoring 25+ goals a season.
Defense
Colorado's defense caught up-ice again...Goalies love defensemen so it is a bit of a surprise Roy hasn't really advocated for any big-name/big body veterans like an Adam Foote to anchor the blue line. They do have a solid power play man in Tyson Barrie, who raked up over 50 points last season, double that of the next defender. An intimidating force on the blue line would do wonders for Varlamov's ego and sight lines. As of today, Johnny Oduya, Francis Beauchemin and Barret Jackman are rumoured to be looking for new homes.
Goalies
Seymon getting his Patrick Roy face on
Look, if you are a decent NHL goalie, ie; Seymon Varlamov - have a capable back up (Reta Barra) and your head coach is a goalie hall of famer with attitude and can relate to your difficulties and small defencemen, the confidence is going to be there. Just let him see the puck a bit more. And quit taking penalties.
My #1 Priority - getting a veteran blue liner ****Avs sign Francis Beauchemin****
My #2 Priority - finding out who Jarome Iginla's protege is going to be.
My #3 Priority - keeping Joe Sakic away from snowblowers.
The Colorado Avalanche aka The Return of the King Year 3
It was the best of times. After several below par seasons, Avalanche all-star Joe Sakic reached out to another former Colorado all-star. King Patrick Roy returned to the NHL after a semi-successful training session in Junior as father/coach. While he successfully jumped back into the NHL, his two sons have found truer callings and conveniently forget to send him Father's Day cards (maybe, what do I know?). Post note Bobby Nadreau no longer pretends to be invisible to avoid conflict.King Roy arrived in Denver with his customary flash - losing his shit in his first (?) game with Bruce Boudreau.
-No. The Avs missed the playoffs...again.
Head Coach
Patrick Roy - despite his famous first game temper tantrum, Roy was relatively silent last year. Look for him to try to relight that fire early in the season. If the Avs are around 500 in December, his job is safe for another few years. And let's face it, in today's NHL it's pretty easy to be 'around 500'. Basically, the Avs would have to linger around Arizona Coyotes territory for Joe to make a change at head coach. Don't look for that to happen.
Forwards
Jarome was constantly feeling he was living in a glass cagein his now sold Calgary homeI guess the Avs felt they needed some veteran leadership so they went and signed Jarome Iginla last year who proved his weight on the stats sheet, leading all Avs in goals and tying team captain Gabriel Landensomethingorother in points. Daniel Briere, not so much. However, the Avs have a nice mix of young and old talent at forward and more than a few lunch-bucket players to make up the bottom half of the line-up. They just need those guys to bring some bigger lunch buckets to work this year. Iginla won't be around forever, unless he keeps scoring 25+ goals a season.
Defense
Colorado's defense caught up-ice again...Goalies love defensemen so it is a bit of a surprise Roy hasn't really advocated for any big-name/big body veterans like an Adam Foote to anchor the blue line. They do have a solid power play man in Tyson Barrie, who raked up over 50 points last season, double that of the next defender. An intimidating force on the blue line would do wonders for Varlamov's ego and sight lines. As of today, Johnny Oduya, Francis Beauchemin and Barret Jackman are rumoured to be looking for new homes. Goalies
Seymon getting his Patrick Roy face onLook, if you are a decent NHL goalie, ie; Seymon Varlamov - have a capable back up (Reta Barra) and your head coach is a goalie hall of famer with attitude and can relate to your difficulties and small defencemen, the confidence is going to be there. Just let him see the puck a bit more. And quit taking penalties.
My #1 Priority - getting a veteran blue liner ****Avs sign Francis Beauchemin****
My #2 Priority - finding out who Jarome Iginla's protege is going to be.
My #3 Priority - keeping Joe Sakic away from snowblowers.
