Tez Brooks's Blog: TezBrooks.com, page 20
November 21, 2017
Helping Your Kids Enjoy the Holidays With Only One Parent
NOTE: Today’s post was written by guest blogger and single mom, Alex Hall.
The holidays have arrived, and normally your kids would be delirious with excitement, chatting about the presents they hope to receive and upcoming holiday parties they plan to attend.
But this year is different. You’re recently single, and the holidays will never be the same again.
Whether due to a death or divorce, the entire family is still grieving. Suddenly everything seems uncertain and strange. How can you help your children move past the pain so they can fully embrace the holidays? Here are 4 easy tips to help.
Don’t Celebrate at Warp-Speed
You may think that since your kids are sad, you need to shower them with expensive gifts and go to every holiday event in your community. That’s not necessary or even helpful.
Instead of focusing on material things and constantly being on the go, take time to slow down. Your children will appreciate that you’re focused on their happiness.
They don’t need a mountain of gifts to realize you still love them. Be patient with your children, your family and yourself. Celebrating the holidays after a tragedy is confusing and tainted with sorrow. Keep things simple so you and your family can enjoy the holidays without getting overwhelmed.
Make New Traditions
For years, you’re family has celebrated the holidays with certain family traditions. To help with the grieving process, ask your children if they want to change some of the holiday traditions.
Maybe you can celebrate at a grandparent’s house, take the kids to a movie or stay in your pajamas all day. Do you always make a special breakfast? Go out to eat this year.
If your divorced and the ex-spouse has the kids for Thanksgiving Day, consider celebrating with the kids the Saturday before Thanksgiving. Your kids may eventually enjoy celebrating the same holiday twice.
Do Fun Holiday Activities
Find fun holiday activities your kids will enjoy. Watch classic holiday movies as you cuddle together in front of the fireplace. Make snow angels, go ice skating, or whip up some hot cocoa and homemade cookies.
These activities may seem simple, but your kids will enjoy spending quality time with you and it may help ease the blues of not having both parents present.
Volunteer
Sometimes you can deflect your own grief if you spend time helping others. This is also true for your children.
Try volunteering at a soup kitchen, participating in a toy drive or visiting a nursing home to spend time with elderly people who may be lonely during the holidays. Seeing the joy that giving brings will boost your children’s self esteem and increase your own joy during the holiday season.
Celebrating the holidays after a death or divorce isn’t just painful for you--it’s painful for your children. This is the time to reassure them that they’re still safe and loved.
It’s a time to create new holiday traditions as well as learn to explore creative ways for celebrating cherished holidays. While these weeks may be bittersweet, if you focus on making the celebrations simple but heartfelt, you can help your children deal with their grief and embrace the delight of the holidays.
Now it's your turn. What ways have you survived the holidays alone? Share your suggestions with us in the comments.
Guest Bio: Alexis Hall is a single mom to three kids. She created SingleParent.info to provide support and advice for the many families out there with only one parent in the household. She works as an in-home health nurse. When she isn’t working or spending time with her kids, she enjoys running and hiking and is currently training for a triathlon.
The holidays have arrived, and normally your kids would be delirious with excitement, chatting about the presents they hope to receive and upcoming holiday parties they plan to attend. But this year is different. You’re recently single, and the holidays will never be the same again.
Whether due to a death or divorce, the entire family is still grieving. Suddenly everything seems uncertain and strange. How can you help your children move past the pain so they can fully embrace the holidays? Here are 4 easy tips to help.
Don’t Celebrate at Warp-Speed
You may think that since your kids are sad, you need to shower them with expensive gifts and go to every holiday event in your community. That’s not necessary or even helpful.
Instead of focusing on material things and constantly being on the go, take time to slow down. Your children will appreciate that you’re focused on their happiness.
They don’t need a mountain of gifts to realize you still love them. Be patient with your children, your family and yourself. Celebrating the holidays after a tragedy is confusing and tainted with sorrow. Keep things simple so you and your family can enjoy the holidays without getting overwhelmed.
Make New Traditions
For years, you’re family has celebrated the holidays with certain family traditions. To help with the grieving process, ask your children if they want to change some of the holiday traditions.
Maybe you can celebrate at a grandparent’s house, take the kids to a movie or stay in your pajamas all day. Do you always make a special breakfast? Go out to eat this year.
If your divorced and the ex-spouse has the kids for Thanksgiving Day, consider celebrating with the kids the Saturday before Thanksgiving. Your kids may eventually enjoy celebrating the same holiday twice.
Do Fun Holiday Activities
Find fun holiday activities your kids will enjoy. Watch classic holiday movies as you cuddle together in front of the fireplace. Make snow angels, go ice skating, or whip up some hot cocoa and homemade cookies.
These activities may seem simple, but your kids will enjoy spending quality time with you and it may help ease the blues of not having both parents present.
Volunteer
Sometimes you can deflect your own grief if you spend time helping others. This is also true for your children.
Try volunteering at a soup kitchen, participating in a toy drive or visiting a nursing home to spend time with elderly people who may be lonely during the holidays. Seeing the joy that giving brings will boost your children’s self esteem and increase your own joy during the holiday season.
Celebrating the holidays after a death or divorce isn’t just painful for you--it’s painful for your children. This is the time to reassure them that they’re still safe and loved.
It’s a time to create new holiday traditions as well as learn to explore creative ways for celebrating cherished holidays. While these weeks may be bittersweet, if you focus on making the celebrations simple but heartfelt, you can help your children deal with their grief and embrace the delight of the holidays.
Now it's your turn. What ways have you survived the holidays alone? Share your suggestions with us in the comments.
Guest Bio: Alexis Hall is a single mom to three kids. She created SingleParent.info to provide support and advice for the many families out there with only one parent in the household. She works as an in-home health nurse. When she isn’t working or spending time with her kids, she enjoys running and hiking and is currently training for a triathlon.
October 25, 2017
Would you please help me?
Would you please help me? I need to get "followers" for my blog tezbrooks.com in order to keep my status as one of the Top 30 Single Dad Blogs.
Please go to my blog and click the blue "follow" button on the left side of the page. Thanks
Please go to my blog and click the blue "follow" button on the left side of the page. Thanks
October 23, 2017
Taylor has Swiftly Moved Away From Good Girl Image
So the latest video from Taylor Swift, "Ready For It" premiers this weekend. the disappointing thing is, it shows her in a body suit that might as well be Taylor in the nude. It's clear Taylor has swiftly (see what I did there?) moved away from the good girl image she had on earlier projects.
Granted, she hasn't really been a role model for girls for a while now, so this is nothing new. Still, I liked her music and comparatively, she was one of the less sexualized of female pop stars. I even let my young middle school daughters watch a few of her cleaner music videos. Even then, I feel like I'm treading a fine line with my girls.
But after years of seeing this happen over and over again (anyone recall all the former Disney Mouseketeers who went rogue after their first record deals?) I keep waiting for another Mandy Moore to come around. I think those days are gone.
So, like a good Christian dad, I refer my girls back to Contemporary Christian music. It's usually a safe place to find role models. At the same time, there's some really good secular music out there and I don't want to place them in a bubble. Besides, their mother and I own and enjoy a lot of good secular music. Some of them are love songs that are quite appropriate for the ears of a married couple.
It's a conundrum. What's your take on this? Suggestions? Advice? Got a story to share? Just wanna vent? Comment below.
Granted, she hasn't really been a role model for girls for a while now, so this is nothing new. Still, I liked her music and comparatively, she was one of the less sexualized of female pop stars. I even let my young middle school daughters watch a few of her cleaner music videos. Even then, I feel like I'm treading a fine line with my girls.
But after years of seeing this happen over and over again (anyone recall all the former Disney Mouseketeers who went rogue after their first record deals?) I keep waiting for another Mandy Moore to come around. I think those days are gone.
So, like a good Christian dad, I refer my girls back to Contemporary Christian music. It's usually a safe place to find role models. At the same time, there's some really good secular music out there and I don't want to place them in a bubble. Besides, their mother and I own and enjoy a lot of good secular music. Some of them are love songs that are quite appropriate for the ears of a married couple.
It's a conundrum. What's your take on this? Suggestions? Advice? Got a story to share? Just wanna vent? Comment below.
September 21, 2017
I’m Sick of Not Getting What I Want
“That’s not a grateful heart,” I chastised my pre-teen daughter.
We had been on the road for 4 days (we moved this week from Florida to Colorado). She was complaining about a meal we ordered at a restaurant. But as the words left my mouth, I knew I was a hypocrite.
I ate crow and apologized, admitting I was the one who taught her this habit of complaining.
I’m not sure what my deal is lately, but I’m a jerk, and it’s spreading to others. How often my mouth flies open, grumbling about poor customer service, someone’s driving ability or how impolite someone was. It’s become an awful habit that not only reveals how ungrateful I am but brings to light the deeper issue–pride.
Do I think I’m better than the person or company I’m complaining about? Is it considered entitlement if I’m a paying customer and just want to get my money’s worth? I’m sick of not getting what I want. I deserve to get what I want if I paid for it, right?
But as I said earlier, that’s not the issue here. The issue is sin in my heart.
Whether my complaint is valid or not, I’m teaching my kids to expect perfection from others and to grumble when things don’t go their way.
In the Bible, Paul tells us “Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation. Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life. And then I will be able to boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor in vain.” Philippians 2:14-16
These last few days I’ve been keenly aware of how grossly unthankful I am. I’ve been blaming it on the stress of a hurricane, selling a house and traveling across the country crammed into a minivan. Truth is, if my heart was right, my attitude and my tongue would show it.
When we are under pressure, whatever is in our heart comes out. Gratefulness or grumbling.
And apparently, it’s catchy.
As a parent, being a good example for our kids is hard, especially when I’m not letting the Holy Spirit lead me.
How about you? Which of your shortcomings have you seen mirrored in your kids? What advice do you have for us guys?
I'm Sick of Not Getting What I Want
"That's not a grateful heart," I chastised my pre-teen daughter.We had been on the road for 4 days (we moved this week from Florida to Colorado). She was complaining about a meal we ordered at a restaurant. But as the words left my mouth, I knew I was a hypocrite.
I ate crow and apologized, admitting I was the one who taught her this habit of complaining.
I'm not sure what my deal is lately, but I'm a jerk, and it's spreading to others. How often my mouth flies open, grumbling about poor customer service, someone's driving ability or how impolite someone was. It's become an awful habit that not only reveals how ungrateful I am but brings to light the deeper issue--pride.
Do I think I'm better than the person or company I'm complaining about? Is it considered entitlement if I'm a paying customer and just want to get my money's worth? I'm sick of not getting what I want. I deserve to get what I want if I paid for it, right?
But as I said earlier, that's not the issue here. The issue is sin in my heart.
Whether my complaint is valid or not, I'm teaching my kids to expect perfection from others and to grumble when things don't go their way.
In the Bible, Paul tells us "Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation. Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life. And then I will be able to boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor in vain. " Philippians 2:14-16
These last few days I've been keenly aware of how grossly unthankful I am. I've been blaming it on the stress of a hurricane, selling a house and traveling across the country crammed into a minivan. Truth is, if my heart was right, my attitude and my tongue would show it.
When we are under pressure, whatever is in our heart comes out. Gratefulness or grumbling.
And apparently, it's catchy.
As a parent, being a good example for our kids is hard, especially when I'm not letting the Holy Spirit lead me.
How about you? Which of your shortcomings have you seen mirrored in your kids? What advice do you have for us guys?
September 1, 2017
Are You Terrified Over What’s Happened Recently?
Men, if you find you are terrified of all the changes going on in your life, you may want to read this short Upper Room devotional by Tez, “Look for the Platypus.”
Please click on the “Follow” button to the right before you leave. Thanks.
http://devotional.upperroom.org/devotionals/2017-09-01
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Are You Terrified Over What's Happened Recently?
Men, if you find you are terrified of all the changes going on in your life, you may want to read this short Upper Room devotional by Tez, "Look for the Platypus."Please click on the "Follow" button to the right before you leave. Thanks.
http://devotional.upperroom.org/devotionals/2017-09-01
August 21, 2017
Call for Guest Blogs: Adoption Stories
Do you have a story about adoption from a dad's perspective?Did you adopt a child then later found yourself single?
Are you a single parent going through an adoption?
Did you adopt your spouse's child?
We want to post your unique story on EverySingleDad.com
Contact me today at tezwrites@gmail.com
August 18, 2017
How Am I Supposed to Reach the Mountain Top From Here?
Colorado is amazing!Each time I visit, I can't seem to stop staring at the mountains. They really are majestic.
I'm especially impressed with the height of the Rockies. I'm sorry but the Appalachians can't hold a candle to these monster monoliths.
What was interesting however was how incredibly low I felt when looking up to the top of these masterpieces. The taller the mountain, the deeper the valley seemed.
I couldn't help but notice the parallel with our spiritual journey.
The taller and more impossibly out-of-reach the mountain top was, the deeper the valley seemed.
I've often faced a great blessing from God. Many times he's brought me to the foot of some incredible breakthrough. I look up and see what he's prepared for me and my heart leaps.
Then I look where I'm standing. In the valley. And the realization of the journey discourages me.
A little voice says "It's too far...too hard...why bother?"
But it's those sweat-producing, upward hikes that develop my character--my fortitude. Scripture encourages me to look up toward the sky and see what blessings I have waiting.
Actor, Will Smith says God's greatest blessings are on the other side of the things that scare us most.
In addition to my spiritual growth, the Rocky Mountains also remind me of parenting. I see what God has promised for my family if I lead them like I should.
But then I look around at my circumstances. I see things like my inabilities and short-comings as a dad. I see things like my kid's rebellious attitude or disobedience...or my own for that matter. Things like my lack of money to fund their school hobbies, their college, their wedding.
I start believing there is no way I'm going to be able to experience that mountain top blessing--not here. Not like this. It's too far away. It's unreachable.
I forget who gave me that mountain top to begin with. God placed it there as a promise. To give me vision, motivation, and the "stick-to-it-iveness" to keep climbing,
reaching,
believing.
Yes, we have valleys. Those make us strong. Without them, we would never build the muscle and stamina to experience a mountain top.
I just need to persevere.
We will experience that blessing God's promised, that vision, that dream he's given us. We gotta slip on those boots and grab that hiking stick and keep climbing.
When we get there--once we're on top of the world, I must remember the valleys and make an altar of remembrance there for all he's done for me.
