P.J. Fox's Blog, page 23

Rules For Befriending Writers

I say this only semi-jokingly: writers are people, too.  If you wouldn’t want your writer (or painter, or sculptor) friend making these cracks about your job in IT, don’t make them in return.  There aren’t “different standards” for your friend’s job, or indeed for your friend, because you take it–or them–less seriously.  Treat others how you want to be treated.  And with that in mind…

Don’t ask invasive questions about money.  Again, unless you’re open to the same hit parade of “are you sure you’ve made a reasonable choice?”-type questions directed at you.  Don’t ask your friend how, or if, he can pay his bills.  Don’t put him in the “guilty until proven innocent” position of assuming that he’s a complete and utter incompetent, and an irresponsible fool, unless he shows you his tax returns.  You’re not a bank.  He’s not coming to you for a mortgage.  You’re not superior to him, and you’re not his keeper.  Acting like you are is a really quick way to ruin a friendship.
Don’t go out of your way to tell him his books stink.  You don’t need to go out of your way to read them, either.  Most people, at least in my experience, don’t seem to read their friends’ books.  But every time a new book comes out isn’t an opportunity to lecture your friend on why a) you don’t like to read, b) some other author writes better books, which you enjoy more or c) your friend is a talentless hack.
Don’t be surprised, when your friend isn’t pleased.  There’s an alarming trend, among a certain segment of the population, of treating other people in ways you absolutely would not tolerate being treated and then flaming them when they, too, aren’t charmed.  A person who reacts the same way you would if placed in the same situation isn’t being “oversensitive” or “a bitch.”
Don’t make your friend your therapist (or make assumptions about them).  It’s great if you’re inspired by someone.  Tell them that.  But don’t tell them, especially in repeated sessions where each session lasts for hours at a time, about how much you hate your own life and how they “couldn’t possibly understand.”  Guess what: they could.  Choosing to quit your day job and write full time isn’t “easy.”  It isn’t a spur of the moment decision but, rather, one that involves careful planning–usually over the course of years.  I can’t tell you how many people have, under the guise of asking me for advice, lectured me on what I’d supposedly done to get where I am.  And all the hardships I apparently hadn’t suffered.  I’m a real person, too; all of us are.  And none of us need to be made out to be something we’re not, to make other people feel better about themselves.
Don’t, either, make assumptions about how much free time they have.  Writing is not “easy.”  It’s a job.  Don’t assume that your friend has unlimited free time, because you don’t understand what goes into making a book.  Anyone, at any job, who takes any job seriously isn’t going to have time in the middle of the workday to just do whatever.  And you shouldn’t reprimand them–or, again, anyone–for being “selfish” that they want to get out there and earn a living.
Don’t dismiss that this is, indeed, a job.  It’s a fun job, but it’s still a job.  The same rules apply, here, as to any job.
Don’t leave nasty reviews on Amazon, and expect them to “understand.”  Yes, bad reviews happen.  Yes, they’re a part of life.  But if you’re a good enough friend–of anyone–that you expect them to understand anything at all, or think that any level of honesty is appropriate between you, you’re a good enough friend to address your complains in private.  Waiting to share your complaints until you have a public forum is the equivalent of waiting until your friend’s wedding to tell her that her dress is hideous and makes her look fat.  Even if you think that, why share?  And why now, of all times?  And why in this forum?  She may, indeed, look fat.  She may be hideous.  But if you expect to stay friends with her, you need to realize that this is a bum thing to do.

So, readers, have I missed anything?

What’s the worst thing that a non-writing friend has said (or done) to you?

The Prince’s Slave: Blurb Reveal

What follows is the blurb for Captive In His Castle, the first installment in the (very soon to be) forthcoming The Prince’s Slave series: an erotic retelling of Beauty and the Beast, in three parts.

Shy, reclusive exchange student Belle Wainwright doesn’t know that her world is about to change.

Talked into a night out against her better judgment, she finds herself in an exclusive club where she knows no one. And finds herself the target of slavers whose purpose is to satisfy those men—and women—whose tastes have grown too dark for the modern world. Whose needs cannot be met by normal means. Who love…but on their own terms.

Abandoned by her friends, she’s simultaneously rescued and captured by a man who is at once a hero and a figure from nightmare. A dark prince who hints, enigmatically, at his own even darker needs. Who describes himself as a man with no soul. But who is, nonetheless, beautiful and brilliant. And whom Belle finds captivating, against her better judgment.

This book is intended for mature audiences.

FROM THE AUTHOR:

This tale, which is divided into three parts, began as a novella: A Thousand And One Nights, which told the tale of how Belle embarked on a dark and dangerous path. And which hinted at more. But as the author, guesswork wasn’t enough. I wanted to know: what happened next? How did Belle evolve? What happened when she, the reluctant princess, finally gave into her prince? Into the midnight-dark passions he awoke within her?

 

Free Today!

Free today (Sunday, November 16) and through Tuesday, November 18, Self Publishing Is For Losers represents both my own blueprint for success as well as the best of marketing and publishing-related advice on this blog.  We’re giving it away for free for the same reasons I outline in the book: in a nutshell, that giving your work away for free is one of the best things you can do to promote yourself.

Incidentally, Dave Grohl agrees with me.

Give people a reason to like (or dislike) your work, and if they do like it, they’ll come back for more.  If you’re putting out a quality product–and I believe that I am, and that we at Evil Toad Press, collectively, are–you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

I want you to benefit from my advice.  And other people’s advice.  Whatever’s out there that’s any good.  And yes, if you like this book, I hope you consider reviewing it.  So that, in the long term, hopefully other people will find it and buy it.  But for everyone who wants it, and especially those of you who’ve been following my blog for some time now, I’d like you to get it for free if you want it.

Our Self Publishing Guide Is OUT!

Self Publishing Is For Losers is out now on Kindle!

Expect the print version soon; we’ll keep you updated.

The title of this book pokes fun at what is in truth a serious problem: the tendency of some, including authors themselves, to think of self publishing as “less.”  Whereas, especially given the current state of the publishing world, that’s the furthest thing from the truth.  Self Publishing Is For Losers is your guide to success at self publishing, and part of success at self publishing is understanding what it actually is–and isn’t.  As well as what traditional publishing is, and isn’t.  Debunking some unfortunate myths and misconceptions, it argues–in my opinion extremely successfully–for self publishing as the wave of the future and the most ambitious choice for all writers.

And, of course, teaches you how to capitalize on that ambition.

I can honestly tell you that, as the author, I’m extremely proud of this guide.  I think it’s a great tool for any author’s arsenal, regardless of how they’re published or wish to some day be published.  This is the advice that we, the folks of Evil Toad Press and I, PJ, have used to get us from square one to where we are now.

One of the things I noticed, though, was how much of succeeding meant reinventing the wheel.  How little authors shared with each other–or wanted to.  The scarcity mentality that seemed to permeate this industry.  Wouldn’t it be great, I thought, if we shared with each other?  Which thought became the basis of this book.  The more we help each other, by sharing what works (and doesn’t), the better off we all are.

There are no secrets, here.  There are no real secrets to success.  But if you’re contemplating a career in writing, then I honestly think this is the book for you.

Pumpkin Tea Cake With Orange Frosting

I’m never going to be much of a recipe writer.  I write novels, not cookbooks!  But this recipe is a huge hit at my house, and this year a special request for Thanksgiving.  I have one friend in particular who (very loyally) claims that this is his favorite cake.  And also that he expects to see it every time he comes for dinner.  Which…incidentally, folks, I’m now on Pinterest.  This is a “who I am in real life” thing rather than a writing thing, but for those who’d like to know my thoughts on small space storage solutions, food storage and funeral potatoes, it’s probably a good thing to check out.

Pumpkin Teacake with Orange Frosting

For the cake:

2 boxes of spice cake mix (I use Duncan Hines)
2 cans of plain pumpkin puree
1 cup vegetable oil
1 cup water
2 tsp ground cinnamon
1 tsp ground ginger
6 large eggs

Preheat oven to 350 F.

Line a 9 x 13 pan with parchment paper. I usually also spray a light coating of PAM over that.

Mix the ingredients in a bowl and beat on low until they’re combined. I don’t have a stand mixer; I do everything with my trusty handheld beaters and they work great! I usually finish by beating the batter on high for a couple of minutes, to whip in some air.

Then, pour the batter into the pan and bake for approximately 40 minutes. Check at 40, since oven times vary (it may need another 10 minutes). This is a moist cake; it’s done when the center bounces back after being lightly pressed. An additional issue is that this amount of batter makes slightly too much for the pan; I usually have enough to make an extra 5 or 6 cupcakes. If you wanted to bake this as a two layer cake, halve the ingredients above and bake them in two 8” baking pans for 30 minutes.

For the frosting:

2 sticks butter, softened
4 cups confectioner’s sugar
2 tsp pure vanilla extract
3 tbsp orange juice

 Beat it all together until it becomes frosting!

To frost this cake, I discovered that things worked best when the cake itself rested in the fridge for about 20 minutes and then, after frosting and before cutting, I let the cake set up in the fridge for another, about, half an hour. Then I just cut everything into squares.

Mama-Anna

Last night, Tiny Satan and I were looking at pictures because that’s one of his big activities lately.  He likes to point everyone out and tell me who they are.  We saw Daddy, and his aunts and uncles (I’m the middle of five and my parents have twelve grandchildren total) and nieces and nephews.  Then, we came to a picture of the two of us together.  “That’s Mama!” he says.

The next picture is of me, all dolled up for church.  “Who’s that?” I ask.  “That’s Mama-Anna,” he says.  And continues to inform me that sometimes I look like Mama and sometimes I look like Anna, from Frozen.  When I’m pretty, I look like Anna.

The rest of the time, he very innocently informed me, I look like Olaf.

Wherein Fox Gets Domestic

I moved from a state where an “old” house was built in 1950 to a state where a “new” house was built in 1950.  Our house is far older than that, and boasts a number of lovely features like fireplaces and mature trees.  Of course, we could afford it in the first place because it was falling down around our ears.  After one major overhaul, a renovation that lasted about six months, we’ve spent the years since fine-tuning our work–and our home.

The hardest thing to get used to about New England has been, and continues to be, the differing scales.  In the desert, there is a whole lot of space.  Out here, not so much.  What seems “spacious” to New Englanders is…it’s different.  If you can see your neighbor, it’s not space.  Our house is quite good-sized, but still, without the barns and outbuildings I’d like to store things.  And our basement is fairly small.  Which can make organization a challenge when, like me, you a) cook all the time and b) have made a huge investment in food storage.  Our basement is, I’m not ashamed to say, a food storage palace.

The nature of editing requires that one take frequent breaks, in order to remain at the top of one’s game.  I have an editing deadline today, in fact, which has meant that I haven’t gotten much sleep recently.  The deadline came as a surprise and these things happen.  But, even so, working straight through without a break is a mistake, because it never produces your best work.  Your eye slips, your mind wanders, and you miss things.  So, seeing the similarities–principally the need for constant, laser-like focus, I’ve adopted the air traffic controller pattern: short shifts, interspersed with breaks…but no actual time off.

I don’t need to sleep all the time and, in fact, don’t sleep very much, but my brain does need a break.  Which means that I’ve been using this past week and a half as an opportunity to do a little fall cleaning and reorganizing: of our food storage, of our closets, of the kitchen.  Sorting, cleaning, throwing out and giving away.

As I pointed out last week, organizing one’s house and editing one’s manuscript have a lot in common.  Both serve a functional purpose.  And, in both cases, it’s easy to forget what that functional purpose is.  To get so excited by the prospect of cool new organizational tools at IKEA that you forget what you’re even trying to organize in the first place.  I’ve done a bit of that, myself, lately, coming home with all kinds of house-related stuff that I probably don’t need but really, really want.  I justify it to myself by the fact that we’re constantly having people over for dinner (and all the holidays) and I need to up my game.

Or, at least, keep it where it is!  An organized house, like one’s writing skills, only comes about as the result of constant training.  Worrying too much about things like scrubbing the baseboards before you’ve assigned everything a proper place is kind of putting the cart before the horse; once everything has a proper place, getting the house neat and keeping it that way are fairly easy.  Then, there’s more time to clean.

I don’t actually want to spend all my time doing domestic things.  I just like the results and, well, I have a large family of people who constantly demand things like food.  So I streamline.  So I can spend more time writing and running and doing things that actually interest me.  I plan out my grocery lists each week knowing exactly what meals I’m going to cook, so there’s no dilemma and no lost ingredients.  I don’t use mixes.  I do rotate my food storage.  Freeze-dried onions: don’t knock ‘em till you’ve tried ‘em.

This year, for Thanksgiving, we’re having quite a crowd.  And I’m serving quite an enormous feast, if I do say so, myself.  What are you doing?  What’s your favorite Thanksgiving dish?  What’s your favorite part of Thanksgiving, in general?

What Does Tristan Look Like?

It’s always dangerous, as a writer, to say too much about what you think your characters look like.  As, if you’re doing your job right, your readers have definite ideas of their own on that score.  They’re right, of course; you’ve gifted that character to them and they’ve made him (or her) their own.  A professor of my husband’s used to quote the old saw, “trust the tale, not the teller,” and he had a point.  Fantasies are private property; books are not.

That being said, as a writer, you write with a certain vision in mind.  You have to; visualizing something is necessary to describing it.  The fixtures of Isla’s and Tristan’s landscape are, to some extent, all based on real places.  I’ve shared some of those pictures on my Facebook page, for those who are interested.  My “location inspiration” albums are all precisely that: the places that have inspired me.  And some of them are a rather odd hodgepodge.  Those of you who’ve read The White Queen might recognize both Hunyad Castle and the Crane Estate, two wildly disparate places that somehow got joined together.  But I remember the first time I toured the Crane Estate, and found myself in the old rose garden…which was really a druid circle…

So what do I, personally, picture Tristan as looking like?

Behold:

Jonathan Rhys Meyers, if you’re out there, please take note: you’re my choice to play Tristan, in the film version of this series that will undoubtedly never happen.  Because we can’t all grow up to be George R. R. Martin and see our fantasy realms come to live on HBO.  Nevertheless, a girl can dream.  Also, everyone else reading this should feel free to cosplay my characters at next year’s Comic-Con.

If you, dear reader, picture Tristan as looking entirely different and think I’m off my gourd, then good!  I put him out there into the world; he’s yours, now.  Picture him however you’d like!  Write some fan fiction, and tell me all about it!  My characters have, as crazy as this undoubtedly sounds, become real people to me and I’m always interested in hearing about them.

Get Off Your Throne of Lies!

Shocker: the internet is full of bull.

Unfortunately, otherwise well-intentioned people are allowing the internet–and, worse, internet memes–to do their thinking for them.  I have a great example of this, and I’m going to share it with you.  What you see below is a meme generated by the popular political PAC Facebook page “Our Time.”  Which, among other things, purports to educate you on the evils of capitalism.  Now, before we digress, this is not a political debate.  I don’t advocate for membership in either party; I advocate for perspicacity.

Sounds really terrible, right?

What you’re supposed to think: big, bad business is ruining it for the little guy.  Prices are skyrocketing while corporate interests continue to take advantage.  Increased corporate profits–and in this calculus, “consolidation” seems to only ever mean profit–come at the expense of affordability.  For anyone.  But, before we got off the deep end here…let’s unpack this idea a little, shall we?

708 USD is a lot of money.  It was a lot more money in 1960.  It was, indeed, the equivalent of 5,612.20 USD in today’s dollars.

So yeah, funerals used to cost a little less than they do now.  So?  It’s still a huge increase.

But, lest we stop there…

The average household income in 1960 was 5,600 per year, according to the US Census Bureau.  In 2014, the average household income is 53,861 USD.  Which means that in 1960, the average funeral cost roughly 1/8 of the average household’s yearly income.  Whereas in 2014, the average funeral costs roughly…less than 1/7 of the average household’s yearly income.  Thanks to consolidation, which means wasting less money on duplicating resources, and everyone reinventing the wheel in their own shops because they can’t share ideas, the average funeral costs less in 2014 than it did in 1960.

“Big business” isn’t blameless.  Heck, nothing is blameless.  But in the interests of retaining credibility, let’s point the finger at the correct spot, shall we?

Rater of Gater Haters

pjfoxwrites:

Yes. Just yes. That is all.

Originally posted on Luke Writes What You Read:

My Cracked article on #gamergate went up last week, and it was glorious. The comment section was Conan’s best in life streamlined for the internet age. “Crush your enemies. See them driven before you. Hear the lamentations of their women.” That stuff gets pretty easy when they flock to drive themselves past you in a whining parade, pre-crushed, and there’s a 33% time-saving with nary a lamentation to be had.

The only thing that could have made it better would be if I was on a cruise across a caldera in the Mediterranean at the time. Which was actually the case. Nothing like basking in the beauty of the world while ignoring the “asshole alert” in your pocket.

“You have a message from ‘Spank Bitchoker’. Would you like to read it?”




No. No, I don’t think I’ll be doing that.

The piece got over five thousand comments. Well over a hundred thousand words…

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