Kern Carter's Blog, page 180

No More Apologizing

It’s exhausting…

That’s exactly how I feel sometimes; exhausted. Just tired of having to pretend I like something or someone, tired of smiling when I’m not in the mood, tired of sitting still and waiting when I want to peel myself off my seat and run as fast as I could without worrying about where I’m going.

I want to be me. I want to be a better me. I’m tired of holding back opinions to make others feel better about themselves. I’m not going to apologize for being honest.

At some point, you just have to trust yourself. I learned that from watching an episode of Chef’s Table. Those were the words of one of the female chefs who was not classically trained, but was still able to reach a point where she trusted herself enough to embrace that she knew what she was doing.

That’s where I am right now; I know what I’m doing. I don’t need validation to say that. I don’t feel guilty about saying that nor do I think I’m arrogant. I’m confident in who I am and what I do and don’t mind letting you know.

#Goals

This is my goal: I want to get to the point where my thoughts, words, and actions are all aligned. When all of those are consistent, I feel like that is the version of myself I will be most proud of. Right now I’m close, though it feels more like walking on half frozen ice rather than driving over a bridge.

But I’m working on it. Day by day, I’m getting close to being me and further from that person who needs to apologize for any part of my personality. Joy is just around the corner and peace is at its side. Here I come.

CRY

No More Apologizing was originally published in C.R.Y on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

I’ve Never Been an Underdog — Still Dealing With Expectations

Functioning when you’re supposed to win.

My life doesn’t start off with struggle. Yes, I was born in Trinidad where, on occasion, we had to walk to get our water. And yes when my mother moved her three sons to Toronto, we lived in government housing. Those are all facts.

But I can’t remember a time in my life where I was made to feel that I could not succeed. Much more than that, I was expected to succeed. My mother would not let us use our environment as an excuse. She set that tone and it seemed like everyone else in my life bestowed that same expectation.

I’ve written about this before. About being a youngster and following in my older brother’s footsteps. As a quick summary, my brother was a gifted student who earned a football scholarship to Stanford University before moving on to play pro football for the Seattle Seahawks. Umm, yeah, he killed it.

That was the atmosphere throughout my adolescent and early college years. And though I no longer feel burdened by that shadow, I still feel the pressure of operating from the perspective of someone who is expected to succeed.

The Psychology

What happens when you tell a black kid he can do anything he dreams of? He shrugs his shoulders and says “whatever.” What happens when that same black kid has someone in his own life that has lived out their dreams? Well, he starts expecting his own dreams to come true. Not wishing, but expecting.

I was in seventh grade when my brother got his first recruitment letter. From that day on, I operated under the mindset that anything is possible. I didn’t just say it, my mother didn’t drill it into my head, I witnessed it, felt it, and just instinctively believed it was true.

Fast forward to today and those same feelings remain with me. I expected to be a full-time writer. I expected to write and publish books. But the struggle with me comes when the outcomes of my endeavours don’t match up to my personal expectations.

It’s odd because I think I’ve created this illusion in which I really feel like everyone around me is watching and judging my every move. It’s like I feel the eyes and energy of everyone I’ve ever grown up with or come in contact with. I sense them waiting for something outstanding to happen and the weight of that expectation fucks with my mind.

I know this is all in my head. My logical mind is telling me to relax because there’s actually no one sitting at home day and night with some kind of stopwatch waiting for me to reach some imagined level of expectation. It’s ridiculous. Trust me, I know.

But that’s what I believe. A lifetime of being that person who everyone expects to be the best has cultivated this kind of belief. A lifetime of my own expectations has injected this into my being. I’m no longer chasing the shadow of my brother, but I have this image of who I’m supposed to be and where I’m supposed to be and it hasn’t happened yet. Because it hasn’t happened, the anxiety that comes with making it happen can be excruciating.

So what now?

I’m not sure. I ask myself this question every morning: “What are you gonna do today, Kern?” In my prayers, I let God know that I’m ready for whatever he has in store for me. I tell God exactly what I want and say that I’ll only get there through our joint perserverance.

I also do a lot of ignoring of all the amazing things I’ve accomplished throughout my life and career. Raising an intelligent, happy, beautiful daughter, forging a successful writing career, and being a mentor to others and showing them how to exist in this online world. None of that matters to me. I mean, on my worst days, none of those things matter to me. I expect more. I expect to be a perfect parent, a blazing literary star, and a mentor to millions. Is that ridiculous?

Whether it is or not doesn’t really matter because it’s my perspective. And perspective is reality, regardless of how outlandish that perspective might be. Who I’m supposed to be trumps who I am every time. Good or bad, right or wrong, the pressure I put on myself to succeed is born from the notion that I should be successful.

Will I Ever Be Satisfied?

Yes. That’s the short answer. Despite everything I’ve said, I really do believe that I will reach a point where I can spread my arms, fall back on my bed and say, “Finally.” Maybe another obsession will take over my life after that happens, but I know there’s a finish line to this part of my dream, just as sure as I know I’ll get there. Nothing else will do.

CRY

I’ve Never Been an Underdog — Still Dealing With Expectations was originally published in C.R.Y on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Here’s How We Creatives Can Be Better at Business

Because the only thing stopping us is lack of structure.

Image by Krystasia Carter

I don’t know about you, but I’m excited about my earning potential. I should say my creative earning potential, more specifically. No “broke artist” mindset over here. There’s a future out here for us creatives and we should all be excited about it.

Why? Has there ever been a time when creativity has been appreciated and accepted within so many facets of business? Companies are structuring and restructuring their brands to allow for creative space, creative people, and even adjusting how they operate to cater to our process.

And this is great because we creatives are no longer relegated to the margins of the abstract, the long-shots, the, “that might work but let’s focus on this proven model.” Now the gates are open for out of the box thinkers and creatives are being round up like binds of salmon.

And I think it’s great we can make money for small and large organizations. That we can leverage our talents as writers, photographers, graphic designers, YouTube and podcast hosts, or any other type of creative positions and turn that skill into real dollars.

We Can Do More

As great as things are getting and as excited as I am about the potential, I don’t think we’re there yet. It’s true that businesses have figured out our value and paying us to be part of their teams, but I don’t think we’ve quite figured out how to thrive on our own merits. And there’s a lot of practical reasons I can go into that probably makes sense. But I think the main barrier is still around getting our “business” right.

Business and creativity shouldn’t be competing words. Not in your mind and not in practice. The two today are more intertwined than ever, and the creatives who have been most successful are the ones who understand that business is part of the game.

If you’re not trying to eat off of being creative, then more power to you. There’s plenty of room for those of you who view your art as a hobby. But for those who really want to take it to the next level, then you need to get with it. The business matters.

Branding, consistency, leverage.

Which means your branding matters. Which means consistency matters, and finding ways to continually engage your audience matters, too. And then tracking that engagement to see what’s actually working. And then taking what’s working and producing more of that content. Then once you’ve nailed that “branding,” leveraging it into forming the connections and partnerships you need to expand your brand and make some serious dollars.

Simple right? LOL! Not at all. How many of you creatives study your analytics? If I ask you who your audience is, will you be able to give me a specific demographic? If you you said no to both of these questions, then you’re not serious about turning your art into profit. Either that, or you’ve found some other formula that works better. If so, please send me a message.

This Really Works

I’m thinking of Joe Budden right now. Talk about leveraging your position into something profitable. For those of you who don’t know, Joe Budden is an ex-rapper turned podcast host. He turned his gig as a podcast host into an online hip-hop show through Complex magazine.

That show is called Everyday Struggle, and in its roughly eight months of existence has become one of the more popular online shows, if not the most popular, on Complex. When his contract situation didn’t work out, Budden leveraged his success with Complex into a deal with Revolt for a reported $5 million over five years.

Now that’s how you make the best of your creativity. Joe knew his audience, created content at a consistent pace over the last couple years, and then connected with platforms that could take his brand to the next level. There are obviously other factors involved, but if you strip away the noise, it’s a perfect example of how we creatives can turn our passion into profit.

I Hope I Can Be an Example

I won’t ever suggest something that I’m not practicing myself. I’ve been freelancing since around 2010, probably even before that. I’ve learned a lot over the years, but branding, consistency, and leverage are three lessons that have brought me the most success.

I’ve become especially skilled at consistency and leveraging. That’s because I understand my audience and understand the value I can offer whoever I partner with. I’ll give you an example:

When I put out my first novella, Thoughts of a Fractured Soul, back in 2014, I knew I was essentially starting from scratch as an author. But I wasn’t starting from scratch as a blogger, so used the platforms I’d built to that point to start engaging my audience about my book.

I had to choose an angle, so I started writing regularly about the struggles of Millennials, which was actually a theme in my novella. One of my articles went viral which brought a lot of attention and opportunity. I leveraged that attention into paid speaking engagements, workshops, and partnerships with other platforms that expanded my brand.

Knowing my goal was always to sell books, I made sure that any opportunity I leveraged allowed me to do just that. For example, I took the majority of my speaking engagements with high schools and made them agree to order a certain number of books for their students. Some teachers took it a step further and added my novella to their curriculum. This was on top of getting paid for actually speaking.

That’s just one example, but that wouldn’t have happened without the right focus and structure. Structure is really just step one, guys. Be as creative as you want, but if you don’t figure out a system in which you can funnel all that creativity, then you’re just hoping to get lucky.

Listen, I’m not pretending it’s easy nor am I saying I have all of this figured out myself. I’m learning and trying to get better everyday. What I am saying is that if we can somehow find a way to give our creativity some structure through proper business practices, then we stand a much better chance of paying our rent, buying some groceries, and still having a few dollars left over to enjoy a show every now and then.

CRY

Here’s How We Creatives Can Be Better at Business was originally published in C.R.Y on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Drinking & Driving

A post from Tiffani Williams

Image by David Clode

I’ve had Tiffani share her poetry on here several times before. Here’s another great piece we can ALL relate to. As usual, it’s raw and unedited.

…is what you felt like. You were new and exciting…a new flavour and believe me I enjoyed what I was tasting. Every time you came around I indulged and got drunk off of you… with every gulp you took me deeper and deeper…the feeling you gave me was like no other. Everything moved slow while we accelerated…I loved it…I had thought I was finally taking control…I was in the driver seat. I thought to myself “What’s the worst that could happen?” …so, I stepped on the pedal and took it further…all while my veins were slowly being compromised with you…I consumed so much I became intoxicated…I was blindly driving at a dangerous speed and I didn’t care…we climaxed…driving at 120 drunk in love. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the rush…I let go. I woke up in a hospital bed, with a needle in my arm connected to an IV drip, filled with questions, emotions, and faint memories. I crashed…and I crashed hard…it left me with scars and injuries. You were gone. I should’ve known better… I was driving in a car with no airbags. My head spins like I’m having a hangover…all while trying to recollect the memories of the night we shared together. Now all I’m left with are cracks in my windshield and an empty bottle.

CRY

Drinking & Driving was originally published in C.R.Y on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

This Is Not Beautiful

No matter what you tell me…

Image by Sergey

They want you to believe that this is beautiful. That this is perfect. They’ll tag this #goals, say that we look like everything they want to be.

But this isn’t beautiful. No matter what you tell me, this is not beautiful.

I am not beautiful. You can compliment me all you want, tell me you like the gaze of my eyes and the feel of my lips. But no, I am not beautiful.

Image by Desiree Thomas

Can you see? Can you really see? Can you hear the screams all around you?

I’ve been thinking a lot about this word.

BEAUTY.

It means so much yet we’ve distilled it down to mean only one thing.

My hope this holiday is to make everyone inside my life feel as beautiful as the figures I adore outside of it.

CRY

Sometimes I write in emotions. If you’ve read this piece, know that we are all beautiful creatures. But if we do not believe that ourselves, then we lose hope. And hopeless people do hopeless things.

If this touched you in any way, read my novel BEAUTY SCARS . It will move you dearly.

This Is Not Beautiful was originally published in C.R.Y on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Want to Write Something Masterful? Form A Real Opinion

Easier said than done.

Image by Ishmil Waterman

This is one of the more difficult pieces for me to write. I want you to understand what I’m saying without being too esoteric. The reason I’m writing this is because we’re at a point in our existence when anyone can share their opinion and have it potentially heard by millions of people. And even if it doesn’t touch millions of people, an opinion can heavily influence whatever peer group it infiltrates.

Yet what I see happening at the very same time is that we’re devoid of authentic perspectives. Ask someone what they think and they’ll repeat a portion of a surface answer they read or heard from somewhere else. But get that same person alone in a room and ask them WHY they feel that way and you’ll find that many can’t give you a succinct and thorough explanation.

That’s because although they may be able to articulate a high level opinion, when they’re opinion is not their own and they are forced to analyze the core of how they feel, crickets suddenly fill the silence. And those crickets are present because, quite frankly, there’s a population of people who, for whatever reason, don’t think of themselves.

That’s where we artists step in. Well, this is where we’re supposed to step in. We create because we have something to say. We write, draw, design, animate, paint, direct or sing or dance or both because we have a perspective that needs to be shared. The very best of us, the ones who are able to touch the centre of the soul of our audience, do so because we are able to most clearly articulate our opinions through our work.

I’m thinking of Paradise Lost, Robinson Crusoe, Frankenstein, The Alchemist, The Kite Runner. These are all fictional creations, works that technically aren’t real. But read any of these masterpieces front to back and you’ll feel the wave of their messages hit you as if you were swimming furiously through the Atlantic.

That’s what I call having an opinion.

But how do we do that today? Is it still even possible? Can we artists dig deep enough within ourselves to mine true opinion? Opinion that resonates on the level that these works I’ve mentioned certainly have accomplished?

Before I hit publish, even on these short pieces, I ask myself: Kern, what do you really think? I usually ask this of myself near the end of editing and there have been a few times where I scrap entire articles or large portions of longer pieces. Writing is my art and my passion. It’s not something I do casually. (Well, I should say I don’t publicly share casual writing.) My heart is in every word I produce, and if those words don’t represent either how I genuinely feel or doesn’t accurately recreate a world or vision I’m trying to share, then I’m not putting it out.

I watched an interview with Junot Diaz about a year ago. He said that it’s strange that the more specific he gets with his writing, the larger the audience. He said it casually (if you’ve never heard Diaz speak, please check him out) but if you really listen to what he’s saying, he’s giving you a gem: If you truly want to write masterful work, narrow your focus and present the world with a clear perspective and in that way, you’ll touch more people than you’ve ever imagined.

CRY

My novel BEAUTY SCARS is out now! Check it out at http://www.kerncarter.com/beauty-scars/

Want to Write Something Masterful? Form A Real Opinion was originally published in C.R.Y on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Writers — Collaborating Will Elevate Your Storytelling

Let other great writers into your process.

Team Work

The one thing that has altered my writing more profoundly than any other variable has been collaboration. As much as studying the art and reading and writing everyday has improved my abilities, allowing others to take part in my process has taken something at which I was already great and injected a kind of spirit and sensibility that would’ve otherwise been absent.

I’ll be the first to raise my hand and say that I was guilty. The thought of someone reading my work as I was still formulating ideas made me nauseous. Even more than that, I didn’t really see the point. This isn’t music, I thought, this is writing. That means you guard your words and hide your screen till you’re damn well ready, which usually happens once a draft of the entire story is completed. Even after that, only an editor who you have specifically ordained is allowed to criticize the piece, so long as they don’t make too many alterations.

I’m laughing at that last sentence because I’ve always been weary of editors. And after putting previous editors through a lot of bullshit, I’ve finally found one I trust as much as I trust myself (thank you Talia Leacock). Talia masterfully edited my most recent novel BEAUTY SCARS, but that was after I’d opened up myself and my work to criticisms far earlier on in the writing process.

Wait, what exactly do I mean by collaboration?

Take a deep breath, guys. I know some of you are still freaking out at the possibility of having someone take peeks at your work before it’s ready. It’s a big step, I know. But let me explain how the process went for me and maybe it will offer a bit of relief.

I’m part of a writers group that we call the Circle. After I had thought out the concept for BEAUTY SCARS and started writing out chapters, I’d read them out loud at our gatherings. There would be wine and whiskey and a group of about a dozen talented writers ready to share their opinions. I didn’t always adopt their suggestions. In fact, most of the time, I didn’t. But because I respected their skills so much, I at least considered their criticisms.

What I actually took from our sessions more than anything were the possibilities. Their suggestions opened up my mind to where I could take my story. The fact that BEAUTY SCARS is partly fantastical is not directly related to any single suggestion, but is instead more the essence of their criticisms, which lead me to break free from the limitations I put on myself as to what was possible for me to accomplish as a writer.

I thank the Circle everyday for giving me that freedom, and literally thank them at the end of my novel. But none of this would’ve been possible if I hadn’t wrapped my mind around the reality that as a writer, collaborating is not this taboo, frowned upon, far out concept. It’s a principle we should feel comfortable practising without fear or guilt or the concerns we make up in our minds.

It’s a New Day

The practice of writing is solitary. Even as I’m promoting more active collaboration, I still do all of my actual writing on my own, so I get it. But this is a new day that takes some new thinking to get results. And in these times where creating innovative ideas and perspectives is nearly impossible, joining forces to combine thoughts has some practical implications.

It’s nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to be embarrassed about, especially since all of your favourite artists in different disciplines welcome collaboration. Visual artists, musicians — this is what they do. And they do this because executing is tenuous enough. Having to think of every idea all on your own is excruciating. And not saying that this is something that should be done with every variation of writing that you do, but try letting others into your writing process and watch the spectrum of your work widen further than you would ever think possible.

C.R.Y

Writers — Collaborating Will Elevate Your Storytelling was originally published in C.R.Y on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

I Write for a Living — Doesn’t Mean You Should

The real about what it takes to write for a living.

photo by: Filena Arcia

There’s a romantic lie to being a writer. Some conjured up tale that hindsight has made popular, if not a bit outlandish. Truth is, you’re probably not cut out to be a writer, just like some people aren’t cut out to be athletes, musicians, actors, or doctors. That’s because it takes a certain kind of grit to be a writer, and unless you have it, then you’ll be better off chasing some other dream.

I saw a promo video for Shonda Rhimes master class for TV writing. At the very beginning, she says something like this:

“If you can think of any other thing you want to be almost as much as being a television writer, go be it. If you can’t think of anything else, then welcome.”

Shonda gets it. Of course she gets it. She’s yelling it loud and clear for all of those who think they want to be writers. BTW, here’s the full video in case you’re interested:

https://medium.com/media/6139c7d062aaaee5073c6e5540e88538/href

Thing is, writing isn’t some kind of fluff profession. This illusion the world has created of a novelist sitting inside of a house with floor to ceiling windows overlooking the ocean somewhere near the Mediterranean is fictional at best, outright ridiculous, in truth. You can recreate that scene if you want, but you won’t be making any money while you spill prose in your bathrobe.

In the real world, writers need to be tough. That’s prerequisite number one. Even the most gifted writers need to be ready to have their work ridiculed to shreds and must get accustomed to hearing “no” or “I don’t like this” or “change this” at least a million times over. And that’s before you accumulate any kind of real success.

More than that, writing is a mental exercise. It takes deep concentration, often for long periods of time. It takes a level of patience and perseverance not natural to the majority of human beings, not to mention hero-like self confidence to operate in the face of self-doubt.

That’s step number one. Prerequisite number two is that you actually need to be good at writing. Wait, let me modify that a bit. Prerequisite number two is that you need to be great at storytelling and good at writing. Editors can make up for any shortfalls in your grasp of the language, but if you can’t tell a clear, entertaining, story that emotionally connects with an audience, then this is not the game for you, my friend.

I get a little frustrated with people who casually say, “I want to write a book one day.” These are people who have never in their lives written anything other than a text or an email but somehow think that they have the talent to pick up a laptop and create The Alchemist. Doesn’t exactly work like that.

Why do you think the overwhelming majority of super successful authors are either well into their thirties or forties? It’s because writing well takes time, practice, discipline, and a fierce determination and stubbornness reserved for those names we all acknowledge. Just like it would take a doctor at least a dozen years before she can skillfully operate on a patient. If you aren’t willing to put in that kind of dedication, then forget about it.

Writing for a Living — Not Exactly What You Think

Platforms like Medium gives everyone the false impression that they’re a writer. I think it’s amazing that today you can have an opinion and with one click, share it with a group that may or may not share the same sentiments. But having an opinion does not a writer make.

Writing for a living is an entirely different ball game. Writing for a living in today’s environment means you better be versatile. Yes you can self-publish a book and add author next to your avatar, but actually making enough money to off of that book to survive is something entirely different.

Writing today means you need to be a chameleon. Being a novelist, in most instances, just isn’t enough, and that goes for the ones who are fairly successful, as well. You must be able to diversify your writing or your skill-set in order to make a few dollars.

Using myself as an example, I have two books out, my second just published in June of this year. I’ve sold a good number of my first book and am just starting to get rolling with this title. But by no means are my novels the sole source of my income, or even the main source.

I’m proud to say that I write for a living, but if you take a look at some of my titles, they include the following:

Content StrategistGhost WriterCopy WriterBloggerEditor

Do you get the picture? And I’ve earned all of these titles. I study the art so I can continue to grow in all aspects. Learning how to edit helps my writing. Learning to write copy helps make my writing more efficient. Being a ghost writer helps my voice and tone so when I’m ready to write my novels, I can build and shape characters more accurately.

Don’t Be Discouraged

I just realized that this article might be a bit discouraging. Well, I say to you that if all it takes is the word of someone else for you to doubt your own ambitions of becoming a writer, stop right now. You’re definitely not made for this.

But if you feel empowered by this, if you feel in your heart that there’s nothing more important in the world than articulating your story, then in the words of Shonda Rhimes, WELCOME!

C.R.Y

I Write for a Living — Doesn’t Mean You Should was originally published in C.R.Y on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

My Writing Process — Magic Doesn’t Happen by Accident

It happens with purpose.

Random

If you think that inspiration is going to come floating down like some mystical fairy and whisper masterpieces into your ear, maybe you should stop reading right now. No judgement, though. I was just like you, fighting against commitment to any kind of ritual or process. Not admitting that all of these years, I actually had one. But I did, and this process was/is necessary to how I create my stories.

I just watched this video of myself talking through the process of bringing BEAUTY SCARS to life. I wasn’t going to post it, but thought what better way to make my point. You can watch that video below:

https://medium.com/media/155afeb6a010f5676ee4165f2f8b40c6/href

Now this video is specifically about Beauty Scars, but I realize that I apply most of these same tactics and principles to all my writing, including this post. Here’s a brief of my process:

Wait, let me stop myself here. I don’t want to go through a precise list of what I do. That wouldn’t be authentic. My process is not that linear or redundant and presenting it in a step by step order would be misleading. Instead, let me highlight a few parts of my process that are present no matter what I’m writing.

Write for Rhythm

Anything I write must have a certain beat to it. Think of the drums in your favourite track. That boom boom, boom boom, boom boom, has to flow right. When I write, I test for this. I literally read a sentence and make sure it carries a musical rhythm. If there’s no bounce to the sentence, then I find a different way to write it.

Think Before I Write

This sounds obvious, but let me explain. When I say I think before I write, I mean I think through the entire story/article/post before writing a word. For me, if I can’t hold the full thought in my mind before writing it, then the story isn’t precise enough to share. Until I can repeat the main story-line to myself in plain English, then there shall be no story.

I Call This Blog C.R.Y for a Reason

I’m all about emotion. I don’t care if I’m writing a how-to piece, if there is no content that connects emotionally, then I’m not putting it out. My goal is to move people, to incite some kind of reaction to my work. If that’s not present in the content, then it will never be made public.

I Sit With It

If I’m not as excited today as I was when I first wrote whatever I’m writing, then something’s off. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been through the ceiling for an idea, write it all down, then look at it the next day and wonder what the heck I was thinking.

I’m thinking back to my university days now, when I started writing my first book. I wrote 200 pages of bullshit before I really started writing anything. That’s because I fought against establishing any kind of process, thinking I wanted everything to be organic. I wanted the inspiration to just come and when it did, I’d hopefully be near a computer to write it all down.

That obviously never happened till I started thinking before I wrote. Like really thinking about the messages I wanted to share. Then once those were clear, making sure the writing flowed right. I wanted my readers to enjoy the experience of flipping through the pages of my novel or scrolling through one of my posts. And to me, what’s the point of engaging with any art if you aren’t connected emotionally?

Spontaneity?

The one thing that scared me most about admitting to a process was the thought of losing any spontaneity. I love the surprises that come with writing. I’ve enjoyed my characters making decisions and taking twists that I could never have predicted. They really do have a life of their own and I’d hate to ever compromise that.

The thing is, though, that process actually makes room to be spontaneous. By having certain guidelines for how you create, it becomes easier to detect when you step outside of those boundaries. And that’s not a bad thing. Being spontaneous is part of great writing. When you know you get next level is when you you start purposefully breaking your routines to distort something in your story. Quick example:

I said rhythm is like one of the most critical aspects of my writing. But there are times when I purposely write more choppy because it emphasizes a point or because it makes sense for a character. I wouldn’t even recognize that or be able to implement that without first following my process.

I think that’s enough for now. The point is really to embrace process, even if it’s chaotic. My process is leaves plenty of room for my story to form itself and as a writer, very few things are as important.

C.R.Y

My Writing Process — Magic Doesn’t Happen by Accident was originally published in C.R.Y on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

The Real About Being a Teenage Parent

Image by: Krystasia Carter

“How many of you want children?” That’s one of the first questions I ask students when speaking at high schools.

The responses I get to my next question are telling: “How many of you want a family?”

Can you believe that in the dozens of times I’ve spoken at high schools, nearly all of the students want children while very few indicate they want a family?

There are probably many reasons for this response, but perhaps this generation of youth has a different perspective on the concept of family. Yes, these teenagers may have answered my questions differently on a different day. But, if they don’t associate having children with having a family — even for an instant — that’s curious.

When my daughter was born less than two weeks after my 19th birthday, my mindset was different. I was raised by a single mother and didn’t want to recreate that life for my daughter. So, thinking I’d be the best father in the world, I dropped out of high school one credit shy of a diploma. Instead, my daughter’s mother and I moved into a basement apartment to raise our child.

Dropping out of high school a couple months before graduation was immature. But, I was simply acting my age. The thing is, teenagers make teenage decisions. They’re impulsive, matter-of-fact and always think they’re right even when their actions make no sense. So its no surprise that there were some major aspects of parenting that I didn’t event recognize. For instance, I didn’t realize I needed a good-paying job or the impact my daughter would have on my life. I wasn’t mentally prepared, and those are just small examples.

The effects of teen pregnancy are challenging on many levels.

The World Health Organization reports girls aged 15 to 19 undergo three-million unsafe abortions every year. It’s doubtful those girls know the second-highest cause of death for their age demographic is complications due to pregnancy or childbirth. And we’re not even touching on the struggles of one-million girls under the age of 15 who give birth every year.

Those are just the physical repercussions that stem from teenage pregnancy. The psychological issues can be just as damaging, as can the social impact. Teenage parents are forced to drop out of school. As a young father, I made that decision. For females, that decision may not be their own.

I’m fortunate. My family was amazing. They were supportive, maybe not from the outset, but, once they were on board, I couldn’t keep them away from my daughter. Without their help, it would’ve been impossible to graduate high school, benefit from a full university scholarship, and build a career as a writer.

I thank God for every day with my daughter. She is a blessing. But I urge young people I engage with to wait to have a child. Children function better within a family with loving parents. They take their cues from the bond their parents display and the affection they show each other.

When my daughter was born, her mother and I struggled to keep our lives together. Figuring out how to get an education, where to live, how to provide for a family, how to speak to each other, how to enjoy a social life — these problems were exacerbated by the fact that we were just two kids.

And, that’s me. The sad truth is 95 percent of teenage pregnancies are in low- and middle-income countries. In actuality, I was saved by my geography; others aren’t as fortunate. Some girls are forced into early marriages and early parenthood, forced to drop out of school and never reach their full potential.

It’s so important to nurture your daughter, son, niece and nephew’s self-worth today, so they’re confident about planning for their tomorrow. Maybe then more teens will be more excited to have ‘families’ one day, instead of ‘children’ today.

CRY

Originally published at www.huffingtonpost.com on November 29, 2017.

The Real About Being a Teenage Parent was originally published in C.R.Y on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.