No More Apologizing

It’s exhausting…

That’s exactly how I feel sometimes; exhausted. Just tired of having to pretend I like something or someone, tired of smiling when I’m not in the mood, tired of sitting still and waiting when I want to peel myself off my seat and run as fast as I could without worrying about where I’m going.

I want to be me. I want to be a better me. I’m tired of holding back opinions to make others feel better about themselves. I’m not going to apologize for being honest.

At some point, you just have to trust yourself. I learned that from watching an episode of Chef’s Table. Those were the words of one of the female chefs who was not classically trained, but was still able to reach a point where she trusted herself enough to embrace that she knew what she was doing.

That’s where I am right now; I know what I’m doing. I don’t need validation to say that. I don’t feel guilty about saying that nor do I think I’m arrogant. I’m confident in who I am and what I do and don’t mind letting you know.

#Goals

This is my goal: I want to get to the point where my thoughts, words, and actions are all aligned. When all of those are consistent, I feel like that is the version of myself I will be most proud of. Right now I’m close, though it feels more like walking on half frozen ice rather than driving over a bridge.

But I’m working on it. Day by day, I’m getting close to being me and further from that person who needs to apologize for any part of my personality. Joy is just around the corner and peace is at its side. Here I come.

CRY

No More Apologizing was originally published in C.R.Y on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.