I’m Scared I’m Not Doing Enough

I need to just let go

Image by Ishmil Waterman

Typical me. Typical, typical, typical me. I don’t know how some people do it. I don’t know how not to care. Or I don’t know how not to care to the point where it feels like everything is on the line with everything I do.

Every post feels urgent. Every word I write feels measured. I’m thinking of my present success and weighing it against others. What am I doing wrong? Or right?

Am I writing too much? Am I writing enough? Should I just shut off all this blogging and focus on writing another book, or maybe finding an agent? What’s it going to take? Someone tell me…what’s it going to take?

LET IT GO

Behind all this CRYing, I forget sometimes how much I love writing. Because I do love it. I love it more and more everyday. I can and will keep writing as long as my fingers will let me and my mind can produce thoughts. It’s so much of who I am that there is only a thin separation between this craft and self. Right or wrong, that’s how I feel.

As I’m writing this, I’m actually starting to calm down. I’m enjoying this. Enjoying the feel of my fingers on the keyboard, enjoying the words coming out of my mind and flowing onto this page. Only the love of my daughter feels more intimate.

I just really need to vent sometimes, and sharing it helps me to release these thoughts and feelings and move on. Every moment is temporary, every moment will be remembered forever. This is real.

CRY

I’m Scared I’m Not Doing Enough was originally published in C.R.Y on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.