Bryan Parady's Blog, page 28

The Hard Days

We all have them. I know I have them. If you are alive you are going to have hard days. It’s just how it goes. So when you look at it, it’s not a matter of avoiding bad days, because you can’t, it’s a matter of how you approach them.

Your outlook can change a bad day into a good day.

Now I will admit I suck at this sometimes. Just yesterday I had a really bad day. Being away from my family is hard enough so then when you throw other bad things into a day it can make for a really bad day.

Amidst my bad day 2 things happend. 1. Someone pointed out something positive which checked my attitude, and 2. I talked to my wife and daughter, which keep me going on. Those two things changed my attitude and changed my perspective.

I wasn’t able to do it on my own that day and some days will be like that. I couldn’t do anything to stop the bad day from happening, but different things helped change my mentality. It’s really important to remember that and it’s something I need to work on more. Focus on the good things. Focusing on the bad will not help anything, that will only bring you down. Focusing on the good is like a ladder that helps you climb out of the pit of despair.

If you need to make a list of positive things in your life. Remember the good, put up sticky notes in different places that you see ever day that talk about something good in your life. These little reminders can go a long way to bettering your attitude and to bettering your bad day.

You Shouldn’t

It’s really easy to judge. Really easy. I do it way too much. I’m very opionated so that comes out with thinking other people’s ways of doing things are less than my own sometimes. This theory is very flawed, and judging can lead down a very dark road. If you think about it, bullying is just severe judgement that has gotten so far that it comes out in hateful ways.

Judging is something that causes us to look down on other people. None of us have the right nor the authority to look down on anyone. Looking down on others causes us to begin to lose compassion for other people. We lose the ability to see the situation they are in, we lose the ability to empathize with them, and soon when we do that enough we become desensitized to the feelings of others.

This desensitization leads to us no longer caring what we say or think about another individual.

Another form of judging comes through comparison. Normally if we do something wrong we compare it with what someone else has done and we make ourselves feel better by telling ourselves what we did is not as bad as what someone else did. This quickly leads to judgement because again, all we are doing in this is saying we are better than someone else to make ourselves feel better.

So the next time you feel like judging, think about the slippery slope it leads down and steer clear of it. Replace judgement with a sense of compassion and ask yourself how you can relate to the person more rather than judge them.

Uphill All The Way

Life is hard. Really hard at times. I am a huge fan of the Rocky movies. I am not ashamed that at 17 it’s what inspired me to take up weight lifting and got me started on being the gym rat that I am now. (I still want to learn how to box).

There is a line that I constantly remember. It’s actually more than a line. It’s an entire scene. But it’s in the last Rocky movie that was made, Rocky Balboa. His son is feeling sorry for himself, trying to find his place in the world. Rocky explains how and here I quote my favorite line “no one is going to hit as hard as life, but it’s not how hard you can hit, it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.”

It’s so true. The true test is making it through the challenges that life throws at us. The times we want to throw up our hands and quit. The times when things hurt and hurt deeply. The times we want to wallow in our self-pity (even when it could well be said that it’s justified).

The times we get beat down. It’s hard. No one ever said life would be easy. It comes with heartache, with pain, with bruises and scars, and it can “beat us to our knees and keep us there permanently if we let it”.

But the key is to not let it. To rise to the occasion. To meet the challenges head on, and though we might be shaking with fear, trembling on the inside, and wanting to raise the white flag, there’s that small determined voice that inside is saying “stand your ground”. And as you do, that boldness rises up within you and you find yourself staring into the face of whatever calamity or hardship you are facing and boldly declare “do your worst”.

Stay strong. You can beat this.

Time For You

We live in a crazy fast paced world. Things go by at an extremely high speed, and often we don’t take the time to stop and have time for ourselves. I am a guilty of this myself. I like to get things done. My wife says I could have a month to do something, but the second I’m told to do it I jump and do it. It’s hard for me to relax if I know I have things to do.

But there are times when I have to sit back and realize that I need time to rejuvinate and pull away from the demands and tasks of life.

Even being in the military, as high strung, fast paced, and strucutred as it is, they highly recommend you take time for you each week.

The reason for this is because in order for you to be the best at something, you’ve got to be mentally sound and focused, and taking the time to recharge sharpens your focus and energizes you to do a better job at what you have to do.

So the next time you feel frazzled and are having trouble focusing on the task at hand, ask yourself if you need to pause and recharge. For you maybe this means going on a run, maybe it’s making some coffee or tea and reading. Maybe it’s a movie night with your significant other. Whatever it is, during this time, unplug and relax. Don’t be checking your phone, tablet, or laptop during your recharge time. Get away from the distractions.

You will be glad you did.

Saying No

If there’s one thing we have no shortage of in life. It’s options. Everyday we have to make choices from the clothes we wear, what time we get up, what food we will eat, how productive we will be at school, college, or our jobs. We make decisions like where to live, what kind of apartment or house to get, what kind of car to buy, how we want our house decorated, what kind music we listen to, what type of friends we have.

It’s often very easy to say yes to things, but we have a much harder time saying no. For whatever reason saying no is something we usually try to avoid. We try to avoid it at all costs, by coming up with excuses, just going along instead, or simply ignoring it.

But “no” is a word we need to be more comfortable with. Saying no more often can save us so much heartache, pain, and misery.

There are always those times when we give in to something even if we know it is wrong simply because we don’t say know. A friend says something and rather than point out what’s wrong with it or reject it, we give in go along with it because we don’t want to seem weird or “offend” them.

But in truth by saying no to things that aren’t healthy and are not good, you often times gain respect, and become a better person and make those around you better people. If by saying no and standing your ground you lose some friends, it’s okay, they probably weren’t true friends to begin with if they don’t respect what you think.

So get comfortable with saying no. It will be worth it and far more beneficial for you in the end.

“No” is okay.

You Are Who You’re With

We all meet lots of people in our life. Some of them are quality people and some of them are not. It doesn’t take long to hang out with someone to know what they are like. Whether or not they are someone who is going to build you up or tear you down. We’ve probably all experienced both, but sometimes it’s hard to realize those who bring you down.

Some people are subtly negative. For instance the person who looks at situations and points out the bad. The bad may very well be true that they are pointing out, but by focusing on that the good is lost, and emotions become heavy.

If you hang around that kind of behavior on a regular basis it will drag you down eventually. And it will come on you subtly as well. You won’t notice becuase it starts off very small. Little things begin to annoy you. Little things that are bad grab your attention and your words will start to follow. Just saying things like “this is pointless” etc can all lead to looking down on the world. Because the more you speak it and hear it spoken the more you come to believe it.

So be careful who you spend your time with, don’t hang around those who drag you down, find others who are positive, and maintain positivity in your own life.

So You Want To Be A Leader?

What does it mean to be a leader? There are a lot of different answers to this question. There are tons of books, youtube videos, conferences, and websites out there that list all the answers for how to be a leader. So if there is so much material why do we hear or see so many leaders fall?

Because there is a big lack in leaders. Yes being a leader takes a lot of self motivation and discipline, yes it takes hard work. It takes being assertive, having confidence, and saying tough things at time. These are all important leadership skills. But there is one that is often lacking and can rip up the entire foundation.

Character.

Character can mean a lot of different things. But most importantly character is the knowing of what is right and choosing it every time. Not just when people are watching you. But sadly too many get so focused on their role and title that they get comfortable. They let something small slide, then something else, and before you know it, it’s like the one small pebble that started the avalanche and everything starts crumbling apart.

Now I’m not talking about making mistakes, because everyone makes mistakes, no one is perfect. But there is a difference between making a mistake and knowing when something is wrong or right and choosing not to do the right thing.

Character isn’t made in these big monumental hallmark moments. It’s made in the very small decisions every day. The little things that seem so insignificant. Small gestures, choosing to look away in the face of temptation, choosing to tell your boss the truth even if it means you might get in some trouble. Being honest with a person even if it means it could cost you the friendship, staying faithful mentally and physically despite society and many times your friends convincing you, that you don’t have to.

Character defines you as a leader not money, or the ability to sweet talk. Because sooner or later even if you have every leadership quality in the world but lack character, your walls will fall down.

So choose to make the small every day decisions that keep you focused and on track.

Going The Distance

Going the Distance

We all know them. We know the people who have succeeded in life. We look up to them, respect them, envy them, and wonder what it was that got them there. We think that things must have gone easy for them, or that they met the right people at the right time, or had things handed to them in life.

But in reality when you dig into people’s lives and see how they go to where they were, it was never an easy road. I am in the middle of Teddy Roosevelt’s autobiography. Arguably one of our greatest presidents, but he didn’t start out great. Many things came to him with much difficulty, but he chose to rise up to meet the challenges rather than quit things or give in.

Jim Carrey was homeless and wrote himself a check for ten million dollars saying he would cash it in five years and he did. That sounds absurd when you think about it, but that’s the kind of crazy determination you have to have when it comes to being successful.

No one becomes successful overnight or with ease. It takes work, hard work. It takes determination, lots of it. It takes sacrifice, giving up your time, your money, yourself.

Nothing worth having ever comes easy, and if somone tells you it does be very wary of them because chances are they are lying or trying to trick you into something that’s a scam.

So when you see someone you want to be like, let it be an encouragment to you to work hard and not give up. To strive to be more, to be better at whatever it is you want to achieve. It is possible. With enough sweat, enough drive, and enough motivation, anything is possible.

Together For Better

Faithful….what does that word evoke? Does it make you think of someone who is religious? A devoted family member, parent, or spouse? Does it make you think of a trusted employee or boss?

I question a lot whether this word means anything anymore. It is disheartening to see all the unfaithfulness in the world. Particularly in relationships. Media has done an amazing job at creating a fantasy of what relationships look like. When people get into a real relationship they expect everything to go perfect, when it doesn’t they often feel they have the right to “look” elsewhere. This can come in the form of a full blown affair. Giving though to the idea of an affair, addictions to porn or romance novels, or to putting up walls and just being cold towards one another.

Relationships will try you. There is no doubt about it. It can often be the hardest thing you’ve ever faced….but at the same hand it is also the greatest, most wonderful thing that will ever happen to you.

Life is flawed, as such, people are flawed, when you bring two people together those flaws often clash and cause arguments. It’s not the end of the world. It simply takes being faithful and committed and working through whatever issues are present.

There is a reason that marriages are done with an oath in front of witnesses. That reason is because yes marriage is very hard, and there can be times when you question whether you made the right decision. Those oaths are for those challenging times to remind you that “for better or worse”. It doesn’t just say “for better”.

That being said when you are committed and faithful to your marriage and give it the priority it deserves, marriage can be amazing. The trust you build when you are both fully committed and engaged is unlike any other bond in this world. It is the only bond like it. That ability to be so close to not only your spouse, but to your best friend is worth more than anything.

Faithful….it takes being committed. Committed to excellence, committed to putting your spouse first, above what you want. Committed to staying faithful, not just physically, but mentally, and emotionally. Many think it’s okay to look at other men and women while you are married, many think it’s okay to lust after other guys or girls. Or to look at inappropriate images whether it be on computer, a TV screen, or whether it be words on a page. But I assure it’s not. Every one of those things is like playing with fire and is extremely dangerous to a marriage and can often burn it to the ground.

Stay committed, stay faithful. Nothing is more fulfilling when you do this. And it’s never too late to start.

I Am A Champion

What does it take to be a champion?  Guts? Money? Fame?  Talent?

We always look up to the champions of our generation.  Those who have gone above and beyond what we thought was mentally or physically possible.  So what does it take?

Is it really some magical power that we can only dream of?

To become a champion takes one key ingredient. Determination.  Now I’m not talking about the determination that says “I’m gonna give up soda for my new year’s resolution”.  I’m talking the kind of kick butt, mud in face determination that sets you apart. The kind of determination that says broken bones and all, I will finish what I started.

The determination that says even if the world points its finger and judges me, I will complete my task.

Only that kind of determination makes you a champion.  You don’t have to be perfect to be a champion because perfection is impossible.  You have to put your determination into practice.  And practice every day, every second.

Practice your determination. And that practice won’t make perfect….but it will make a champion.