James Hauenstein's Blog, page 29
November 24, 2020
In My Neighborhood
Because of the new curfew restrictions implemented inCaliforniaI have started my daily walks a little later in the morning.The surprising thing for me is the fact that in my area of town people have become a bit friendlier.Before the pandemic,I would walk 5 miles a day,in & out of different neighborhoods,on bike paths,and down by a river bed separating the local golf course from all the housing.The only people saying hi to me
or waving hello as I walked by were the old folks.People from another era.
I would often say hi to whom ever I was passingand most of the time I would get that look,"Who's this fool."Seldom did I get a response.This happened to me no matter what time of day it was.Lately though,I have noticed that people from all ages have a friendly greeting for me,even when I move 10 feet away from them.Kids who wouldn't have noticed me a year ago say hello.Neighbors coming out of their housesor cars wave hello.Joggers,bicyclists,and people walking while talking on their phone will take the time to say hello.Proving to me that we are a social animaland that we all need human interaction to stay sane!
This isA California Thing,I'm From The Midwest Where People Are FriendlyAnd My Kids Who Live In Other Parts Of The Country Have Noticed How People Are Friendlier TooJim Hauenstein,
And,
“Each time a person passes by you and you say 'hello', imagine that person turning into a candle. The more positivity, love and light you reflect, the more light is mirrored your way. Sharing beautiful hellos is the quickest way to earn spiritual brownie points. You should start seeing hellos as small declarations of faith. Every time you say hello to a stranger, your heart acknowledges over and over again that we are all family.”
- Suzy Kassem -
That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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I'll Be Seeing You.
or waving hello as I walked by were the old folks.People from another era.
I would often say hi to whom ever I was passingand most of the time I would get that look,"Who's this fool."Seldom did I get a response.This happened to me no matter what time of day it was.Lately though,I have noticed that people from all ages have a friendly greeting for me,even when I move 10 feet away from them.Kids who wouldn't have noticed me a year ago say hello.Neighbors coming out of their housesor cars wave hello.Joggers,bicyclists,and people walking while talking on their phone will take the time to say hello.Proving to me that we are a social animaland that we all need human interaction to stay sane!
This isA California Thing,I'm From The Midwest Where People Are FriendlyAnd My Kids Who Live In Other Parts Of The Country Have Noticed How People Are Friendlier TooJim Hauenstein,And,
“Each time a person passes by you and you say 'hello', imagine that person turning into a candle. The more positivity, love and light you reflect, the more light is mirrored your way. Sharing beautiful hellos is the quickest way to earn spiritual brownie points. You should start seeing hellos as small declarations of faith. Every time you say hello to a stranger, your heart acknowledges over and over again that we are all family.”
- Suzy Kassem -
That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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Be Kind To Everyone.
I'll Be Seeing You.
November 21, 2020
Guinea Pig Nightmare
What to write about today?My attempt at a humorous fictitious story about the moon landing went over like a lead balloon yesterday.I was hoping for some commentsor people arguing about my thesis because they missed the joke at the end of the story.What I was really hoping for was readers telling their friends to readThe Moon Landing Is A Hoax! because it was funny.I can dream can't I?Talking about dreaming.Yesterday,I was invited over to my good friend's house to drink someCafe de Olla and eat some homemadeTortitas.Yes,we were six feet apart from one another.After a awhile we started talking about pets we have own over the years.Then,to tease me about a story I told him a couple of years ago,he brought up the fact that I let go of the family's pet guinea pig out into the wilderness when my kids were young.Guinea pigs are not the kind of pets that the humane societyor pet stores want back.They ask you to put them down,as they say,because they do not want to take the timeor spend the money to do so.Well,being the considerate father that I am,with my kids in tow,I took our guinea pig out to the wildernessand let him go free.Telling my kids that now he can be with others of his kind.Sweet story right?Do you know the life expectancy of a domesticated rodent is where you have large snakes,mountain lions,coyotes,falcons,and hawks living in the area?Hours,maybe days.But my kids didn't know that.So here is my neighbor,laughing at me as being an animal killer,but I thought nothing of it.Yet,my subconscious did.Last night I had this dream where a giant guinea pig is chasing me around the the woods!After all these years now I feel guilty?
This is,Stop Saying They Are So CuteJim Hauenstein And, “Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened.”
- Anatole France - That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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This is,Stop Saying They Are So CuteJim Hauenstein And, “Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened.”
- Anatole France - That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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Be Kind To Everyone.
I'll Be Seeing You.
November 19, 2020
The Moon Landing Is A Hoax!
I have been following this conspiracy from its beginning and now I have the proof to prove that; The Moon Landing Is A Hoax! Yes me, the believer in the sciences have been secretly trying to expose this gobbledygook NASA has been feeding us since I was a wee little child. I remember being in grade school at Saint Mary's and a nun rolling a black & white TV set into our class that had a pair of rabbit ears antenna for reception. From the Moon to the Earth and we could see it all from a pair of rabbit ears? Come on. So to prove this whole thing was a hoax, I had to pretend to be on the side of science. I have been searching the dark web for some reputable and honest informants who still work for, or used to work for NASA. I found one. His name is Martian Ruse. I asked him about his name and he told me that his parents were big fans of Frank Zappa and that Frank had already named his daughter Moon Unit so they called me Martian Ruse because it was available. Make sense. Well, Martian says he had worked for NASA in the archives department. He was fired when he came across some documents and wanted to show the world that the moon landing never happened. They wouldn't let him so he and the documents went missing. I have found them. After a lengthy negotiations on price, I paid a pittance of $10,000.00 for a document from him that reads; NASA - How To Fake The Moon Landing With Help Of Hollywood! Get this! The document states that Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin were in on it. It says, that both told NASA, "If we are going to fool the American people, we need to do it right. We need to do it on location!"
This is,Wait, What?Do It On Location!"D'oh!"Jim Hauenstein And, “I believe that this Nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of landing a man on the moon and returning him safely to earth.”- John F. Kennedy -
That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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This is,Wait, What?Do It On Location!"D'oh!"Jim Hauenstein And, “I believe that this Nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of landing a man on the moon and returning him safely to earth.”- John F. Kennedy -That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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November 15, 2020
Just One More Time For The Fun Of It
Over the years,I have told my children that it is a good idea to read about all the different religiousand political groups of the world.
That way you will have a better idea why they think the way they do. I have read the
Quran,Mein Kampf,The Communist Manifesto,
and other political
and religious books to see what stirs the hearts ofMen & Women.So,to be fair to our outgoing
President,I went outand bought a copy of his book;The Art of the Deal.He must have foreseen his future when he wrote it because the book has Six Chapter Elevens!
What????????????? Get it?Because he wentBankruptsix times. ;)
"Tonight we honor a self-made millionaire. He started with nothing, worked hard, and made a fortune ... That man is Fred Trump, Donald's dad. That's right, for all his self-starter bullshit, he's basically Jaden Smith with a comb-over."Seth MacFarlane
"You put up more useless hotels than an autistic kid playing Monopoly."Lisa Lampanelli
"Donald Trump, without a doubt, you're a New York landmark. Which means it's only a matter of time before you bulldoze yourself to build some gaudy, tacky monstrosity and put your name on it."Larry King
"And Donald, I’m not even sure if you’re aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie Wall Street is that no one’s going to be sad when you get cancer."Anthony Jeselnik
"Melania, you look so beautiful tonight. Give her a round of applause. You’ve been such a good sport. So gorgeous. These two are so compatible, because they both yell out Donald’s name when they climax."Jeff Ross
OK,one last joke about our worst
Presidentever elected.Asked what his newForeign Policywould have been if he had been re-elected the orange menace said,
"If you mess with the United States, there will be my hell toupee!"
These are not myJokes.They are fromComedy Central's RoastofDonald Trumpin 2011and the last one is off one of those joke websites.
This is,Still Believing Life Is All A Good JokeAnd If You Treat It That Way,You Will Never Stop Laughing.Jim Hauenstein,
And,
“There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.”
- Charles Dickens -
That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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Be Kind To Everyone.
I'll Be Seeing You.
That way you will have a better idea why they think the way they do. I have read the
Quran,Mein Kampf,The Communist Manifesto,
and other political
and religious books to see what stirs the hearts ofMen & Women.So,to be fair to our outgoing
President,I went outand bought a copy of his book;The Art of the Deal.He must have foreseen his future when he wrote it because the book has Six Chapter Elevens!
What????????????? Get it?Because he wentBankruptsix times. ;)
"Tonight we honor a self-made millionaire. He started with nothing, worked hard, and made a fortune ... That man is Fred Trump, Donald's dad. That's right, for all his self-starter bullshit, he's basically Jaden Smith with a comb-over."Seth MacFarlane
"You put up more useless hotels than an autistic kid playing Monopoly."Lisa Lampanelli
"Donald Trump, without a doubt, you're a New York landmark. Which means it's only a matter of time before you bulldoze yourself to build some gaudy, tacky monstrosity and put your name on it."Larry King
"And Donald, I’m not even sure if you’re aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie Wall Street is that no one’s going to be sad when you get cancer."Anthony Jeselnik
"Melania, you look so beautiful tonight. Give her a round of applause. You’ve been such a good sport. So gorgeous. These two are so compatible, because they both yell out Donald’s name when they climax."Jeff Ross
OK,one last joke about our worst
Presidentever elected.Asked what his newForeign Policywould have been if he had been re-elected the orange menace said,
"If you mess with the United States, there will be my hell toupee!"
These are not myJokes.They are fromComedy Central's RoastofDonald Trumpin 2011and the last one is off one of those joke websites.This is,Still Believing Life Is All A Good JokeAnd If You Treat It That Way,You Will Never Stop Laughing.Jim Hauenstein,
And,
“There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.”
- Charles Dickens -
That is my story and I am sticking to it!
Like what you are reading?
Sign up as a Follower,or leave a Comment.If it's worthy enough,I'll answer you in a Post.
Thanks for reading.
Be Kind To Everyone.
I'll Be Seeing You.
November 12, 2020
Before And After
This past summer,and I cannot remember the exact date for the life of me,I said I would put up before and after pictures of me when I got a haircut and a shave.I do not want to be known as a liar so I am going to do that today.I would like to say first thatCOVID-19 Pandemic Lock Down
has not treated me well.Before this all started I was a lean 225 poundsand have ballooned to a whopping 265 lbs.Or for anyone living outside theUnited StatesI was 102 kilogramsand am now a 120 kg.This is before;
Enough with theSanta Clausreference.This is after;
There you have it.I am aging beautifully.
This is,Yes Those Are Two Different Doctor Who T-Shirts I Am WearingJim Hauenstein And, “Nothing shouts out “Celebrity!” as loudly as being a biker in desperate need of a shave, a haircut and clean clothes.”
- Foster Kinn - That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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I'll Be Seeing You
has not treated me well.Before this all started I was a lean 225 poundsand have ballooned to a whopping 265 lbs.Or for anyone living outside theUnited StatesI was 102 kilogramsand am now a 120 kg.This is before;
Enough with theSanta Clausreference.This is after;
There you have it.I am aging beautifully.
This is,Yes Those Are Two Different Doctor Who T-Shirts I Am WearingJim Hauenstein And, “Nothing shouts out “Celebrity!” as loudly as being a biker in desperate need of a shave, a haircut and clean clothes.”
- Foster Kinn - That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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November 8, 2020
Family First
I know.You think I haven't written on myBlogbecause I was waiting for the outcome of this past election.You think I am going to derive pleasure from the victory ofJoe BidenoverDonald Trump.Well yes,I did.
There is a long way to go from here though.All the progress we have made as aNationduring the last 6 decades were reversed by 4 years of bigotry.Okay,I could go on & on about this subject.What I want to emphasize today is,Family Comes First.My daughter flew in fromPhiladelphialast week.My grandsonand my daughter will be staying until this comingWednesday.I just want to ask you to be patient with me untilThursday.I doubt I will be able to write again until then.Maybe you could look at some of my olderPostson theBlog Archive,buy my e-novelNo Return Address,read the 4 part seriesGentle Jim And Niagara Falls,watch myMusic Videos,Help Me Write The Experiment,the 46 episodes ofThe Man From Mars,the 8 chapters ofWhy Should I Die?,True Life Stories,The Hauenstein Philosophy,Poetry,or all my original stories onShort Stories & Flash Fiction.I hope you keep on readingand I will see youThursday.
This is,Telling You To Spend As Much Time As You Can With Your FamilyJim Hauenstein
And,
“There is no such thing as a "broken family." Family is family, and is not determined by marriage certificates, divorce papers, and adoption documents. Families are made in the heart. The only time family becomes null is when those ties in the heart are cut. If you cut those ties, those people are not your family. If you make those ties, those people are your family.”
- C. JoyBell C. - That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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I'll Be Seeing You
There is a long way to go from here though.All the progress we have made as aNationduring the last 6 decades were reversed by 4 years of bigotry.Okay,I could go on & on about this subject.What I want to emphasize today is,Family Comes First.My daughter flew in fromPhiladelphialast week.My grandsonand my daughter will be staying until this comingWednesday.I just want to ask you to be patient with me untilThursday.I doubt I will be able to write again until then.Maybe you could look at some of my olderPostson theBlog Archive,buy my e-novelNo Return Address,read the 4 part seriesGentle Jim And Niagara Falls,watch myMusic Videos,Help Me Write The Experiment,the 46 episodes ofThe Man From Mars,the 8 chapters ofWhy Should I Die?,True Life Stories,The Hauenstein Philosophy,Poetry,or all my original stories onShort Stories & Flash Fiction.I hope you keep on readingand I will see youThursday.
This is,Telling You To Spend As Much Time As You Can With Your FamilyJim Hauenstein
And,
“There is no such thing as a "broken family." Family is family, and is not determined by marriage certificates, divorce papers, and adoption documents. Families are made in the heart. The only time family becomes null is when those ties in the heart are cut. If you cut those ties, those people are not your family. If you make those ties, those people are your family.”
- C. JoyBell C. - That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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I'll Be Seeing You
November 3, 2020
Election Day 2020
It is a big day in theUnited States.It isElection Day.
In this country, if you don't think it is important enough to use your right to vote,to entice you,they offer you Free Donutsand a sticker that reads I Votedat the polling stations!
I know more people in this country are taking it seriously this time around
and the turnout should be the biggest in recent elections.My question is,Who Will You Vote For?
This is,Predicting That If Pumpkin Face LosesHe Will Press The Button To Launch Nuclear Weapons To End The WorldJim Hauenstein
And,
“When one with honeyed words but evil mind persuades the mob, great woes befall the state.”
- Euripides -
That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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I'll Be Seeing You
In this country, if you don't think it is important enough to use your right to vote,to entice you,they offer you Free Donutsand a sticker that reads I Votedat the polling stations!I know more people in this country are taking it seriously this time aroundand the turnout should be the biggest in recent elections.My question is,Who Will You Vote For?
This is,Predicting That If Pumpkin Face LosesHe Will Press The Button To Launch Nuclear Weapons To End The WorldJim Hauenstein
And,
“When one with honeyed words but evil mind persuades the mob, great woes befall the state.”
- Euripides -
That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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I'll Be Seeing You
November 2, 2020
10 Proof or 5 Percent ABV
Hey, did you hear that Apple, the computer company, wants to develop their own autonomous cars? They have a huge problem to overcome. They are having trouble loading Windows!
I can't wait to see Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates in Heaven. Once he gives me the gate code, it will be the first time I live in a gated community!
If you have been reading this Blog over the years, you know that I was a musician for many years. And after all these years I still get recognized once in awhile. It is at Family Reunions, but I still get recognized!
This is,Hoping You Had A Safe Halloween
Jim Hauenstein,
And, “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”
- Benjamin Franklin -
That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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October 30, 2020
Eve Of Halloween
Yes,it is the day beforeHalloweenwhen people who celebrate theDay Of The Deadbegin the ritual of scaring themselvesand their loved ones,with storiesand poetry of the macabre.Trick-or-Treating has been cancelled in my neck of the woods due toCOVID-19,so I plan on reading theRavenbyEdgar Allen Poeout loud to my kids,watching all theTree House Of Horrorepisodes from theSimpsons,and covering my eyes when my kids put on the scariest flick they can find onTV.If you are like me,reading terrifying storiesand poetry is far more entertaining to the mind then watching all the special effectsHollywoodcan cook up.So,for your weekend pleasure,here are some links to frightfulPoemsand scaryStories. Poetry*****
Vegetarian ZombieThe Curse Of Being A Vampire1800 Aussie Ghost Story Stories*****A-L-I-V - A Short Story
Tic Toc Toc - A Horror Story The Refrigerator Hacker Kingfisher - A Flash Fiction Story And The Child They Love - A Flash Fiction Story Did It Hear Me - A Flash Fiction Story 21st Century Way of Talking to the Dead This is,There Is Plenty More Where That Came From Under The Headings Of Poetry And Short Stories & Flash FictionJim Hauenstein And, “Eye of newt, and toe of frog, wool of bat, and tongue of dog, adder's fork, and blind-worm's sting, lizard's leg, and owlet's wing.
For a charm of powerful trouble, like a hell-broth boil and bubble.
Double, double toil and trouble. Fire burn, and caldron bubble.”
- William Shakespeare - That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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Be Kind To Everyone
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Vegetarian ZombieThe Curse Of Being A Vampire1800 Aussie Ghost Story Stories*****A-L-I-V - A Short Story
Tic Toc Toc - A Horror Story The Refrigerator Hacker Kingfisher - A Flash Fiction Story And The Child They Love - A Flash Fiction Story Did It Hear Me - A Flash Fiction Story 21st Century Way of Talking to the Dead This is,There Is Plenty More Where That Came From Under The Headings Of Poetry And Short Stories & Flash FictionJim Hauenstein And, “Eye of newt, and toe of frog, wool of bat, and tongue of dog, adder's fork, and blind-worm's sting, lizard's leg, and owlet's wing.
For a charm of powerful trouble, like a hell-broth boil and bubble.
Double, double toil and trouble. Fire burn, and caldron bubble.”
- William Shakespeare - That is my story and I am sticking to it!
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Thanks for reading
Be Kind To Everyone
I'll Be Seeing You
October 29, 2020
Calculating My Travel Time
This is a post I wrote in 2015and I feel it is worth repeating here since it has two story lines that I really enjoy.Space & Humor.*****Have you heard?"A team of astronomers has spotted three exoplanets orbiting around the same star – Wolf 1061 – one of which is in the habitable zone." by Natali Anderson for Sci-News.com. "Wolf 1061 is a red dwarf star located in the constellation Ophiuchus, only 14 light-years from Earth."Only14 light-yearsaway!Do you know what that means?Here,let me get my abacus out.
OK, if light travels 300,000 kilometersor 186,000 miles per second,and there are 60 seconds in a minute..... Let me get my slide rule out.
Sixty seconds in a minute,60 minutes in an hour,and there are 24 hours in a day.....I never did learn how to use this thing! I need a number two penciland some scrap paper.
If light travels 300,000 kilometersor 186,000 miles per second,we have 60 seconds per minute,60 minutes per hour,and 24 hours in a day........This is why they put calculators on cell phones.
I'm going to use miles instead of kilometers in my calculations because I was born in a country which decided a long time ago to go against the grain of the rest of the World.Again,we have 186,000 miles per second,and we have 60 seconds in a minute.That will give me 11,160,000 miles so far.Since we have 60 minutes in an hour,and if we times that by 11,160,000,it will give us 669,600,000 miles.With that said,we do have 24 hours in a dayand if we times that by 669,600,000 we will have 16,070,400,000 miles!Since 2020 is a leap year we will have 366 days in this yearand I'll just times that by 16,070,400,00and we'll get 5,881,766,400,000 miles!Now we're getting somewhere.Take 5,881,766,400,000 and times that by 14,as in 14 light years awayand we'll end up with82,344,729,600,000 miles! Only?If I write it out,it looks likeeighty-two trillion, three hundred forty-four billion, seven hundred twenty-nine million, six hundred thousand miles from Earth!!!!!!!!! OK,I can live with that.Now my Vespa Scootertops out at a whopping 70 miles an hour.
It will take me....carry the one....... Hell, I don't know!It will take me a long time dammit!Wait,I know!If I buy a Harley.........
This is,Hoping If I Hitch-Hike Outside The Kennedy Space Center An Astro-Nut Will Pick Me Up And Take Me AwayJim Hauenstein
And,
“No one goes out to play anymore. Simulation is becoming reality.” - Mary Roach -
That is my story and I am sticking to it!
Like what you are reading? Sign up as a Followeror leave a CommentIf it's worthy enoughI'll answer you in a Post
Thanks for reading
Be Kind To Everyone
I'll Be Seeing You
OK, if light travels 300,000 kilometersor 186,000 miles per second,and there are 60 seconds in a minute..... Let me get my slide rule out.
Sixty seconds in a minute,60 minutes in an hour,and there are 24 hours in a day.....I never did learn how to use this thing! I need a number two penciland some scrap paper.
If light travels 300,000 kilometersor 186,000 miles per second,we have 60 seconds per minute,60 minutes per hour,and 24 hours in a day........This is why they put calculators on cell phones.
I'm going to use miles instead of kilometers in my calculations because I was born in a country which decided a long time ago to go against the grain of the rest of the World.Again,we have 186,000 miles per second,and we have 60 seconds in a minute.That will give me 11,160,000 miles so far.Since we have 60 minutes in an hour,and if we times that by 11,160,000,it will give us 669,600,000 miles.With that said,we do have 24 hours in a dayand if we times that by 669,600,000 we will have 16,070,400,000 miles!Since 2020 is a leap year we will have 366 days in this yearand I'll just times that by 16,070,400,00and we'll get 5,881,766,400,000 miles!Now we're getting somewhere.Take 5,881,766,400,000 and times that by 14,as in 14 light years awayand we'll end up with82,344,729,600,000 miles! Only?If I write it out,it looks likeeighty-two trillion, three hundred forty-four billion, seven hundred twenty-nine million, six hundred thousand miles from Earth!!!!!!!!! OK,I can live with that.Now my Vespa Scootertops out at a whopping 70 miles an hour.
It will take me....carry the one....... Hell, I don't know!It will take me a long time dammit!Wait,I know!If I buy a Harley.........
This is,Hoping If I Hitch-Hike Outside The Kennedy Space Center An Astro-Nut Will Pick Me Up And Take Me AwayJim Hauenstein
And,
“No one goes out to play anymore. Simulation is becoming reality.” - Mary Roach -
That is my story and I am sticking to it!
Like what you are reading? Sign up as a Followeror leave a CommentIf it's worthy enoughI'll answer you in a Post
Thanks for reading
Be Kind To Everyone
I'll Be Seeing You
