C.C. Solomon's Blog, page 17

Traveling Gal: Dublin- The Friendly Town

So a few weeks ago I coerced a few friends of mine to travel with me to Dublin and London. I say coerced because no one was feeling going to Dublin so I had to tack on London to get them to go. I’d been to London before (see Traveling While Black: London ) but I really enjoyed my time there so I didn’t mind a repeat visit.

Ok so Dublin, I always wanted to check it out because people said it was a beautiful country and l wanted a different experience.

Upon arriving we took a cab with a friendly driver who gave us an unofficial tour of the city and told us that our hotel wasn’t that centrally located (side note, our group of six was split in two and three pals were at the Conrad which was centrally located and they raved about it- side eyes). We stayed at the Gibson and although a lovely hotel, yes, it was a bit away. However, the tram was right across the street and only about an 8 minute ride from central downtown Dublin. The space was very modern and came with a free breakfast (well, the deal we got did). It also included a gym and a sauna. I got a chance to use the gym which was small but it got the job done (never found the sauna- why was it hidden?)

Okay, on to the town. Noteables:

1)It’s pretty hip, loads of bars, yummy fish and chips (really can’t go wrong to me), went to one spot where the batter tasted like funnel cake which really worked. If you hang around St. Stephens, grafton, and oconnel st. you’ll find food and shopping. Honorable mention to the frugal shopping spot Pennys.  

2)Plenty of touristy shops- namely Carroll Irish- it’s everywhere with every type of Irish tourist trinket you can think to buy

3)Did I mention food? I had no bad meals here. My pals and I partook in some yummy drinks and food at River bar.

4)Beauty- Most of my pictures were just of the Irish Country side. We did an all day excursion to the Cliffs of Moher with some side stops to Barron and a lovely sweets shop. It was a bit cloudy and rainy that day but when our bus stopped so did the rain! Shout out to the tour guide who was simply awesome! Random shout out to Ireland for naming a rest stop area after Barak Obama.

5)Friendliness- There is a reason Ireland has three cities (including Dublin) as the friendliest cities in the world. The people just are so nice and trusting. I don’t know why but then again I don’t think the Irish Americans here are the same as over there so perhaps that’s just my misunderstanding (no shade). Although it is not the most diverse area, I didn’t feel unwelcome and people were very accommodating. No bad words for this town.

6)Drinks- this is a drinking town (if you go out, you must stop by the Temple Bar area just to say you did). If you are a whiskey lover this is the place for you (my new favorite drink is now whiskey and ginger ale- tis tasty). And of course take a tour at Guinness and Jameson Whiskey!

All in all this is a town I would strongly recommend checking out. We were only there for three nights which I regret. At least four nights would do you good. And I’d love to check out Cork and Belfast and wherever they film Game of Thrones because in my mind I have to find my Jon Snow (he’ll be back for season six I tell ya).

Up next my London revisited review!

SATC Talk: Splat: What if your friends don’t like him?

Le Sigh, we now reach my final favorite episodes of the series. It’s been a long summer of reminiscing but it had to end. This final epiode in my Sex and the City Talk really captures what happens when friends and lovers don’t mix. When we fall for someone we rarely begin the new relationship with thoughts of approval from family and friends. It’s just you and your boo thang. But eventually you have to come out of your “honeycomb hideout” and greet the world. But what if those friends don’t mix well with your love? Well, it can be awkward

Nothing is worse than that feeling that those you care about don’t get along. Been there, done that. I’m a strong believer that if your friends don’t dig him, welp maybe they are on to something. This is mostly because my true blue tight like glue friends (not just the random associates) only want the best for me so I value what they have to say. Now I won’t front and say that I have instantly dumped a guy because my friends didn’t like him. However, the way a guy has treated my friends has been a major consideration towards the eventual dumping.

I mean, when we are so caught up in a guy we don’t see things in logical ways. And honestly love isn’t logical all the time so that’s expected. Sometimes it takes a friend to say, “girl I know you love him but he’s over there kicking babies, maybe he’s not such a good guy”.

And have you ever been the friend who has seen your bestie with a guy that you just don’t think is right for her? This scene is all too familiar to me.

Friendships can die because of a guy (or gal) for certain. And the feeling that you friend is with someone who is no good for her, causes her drama and just all around doesn’t mix well with the group can be a bad place to be in. What do you do? I always decide based on how close I am to the person. The newer you are the more diplomatic and neutral my response. But if you are my best good friend, I will state my feelings.

And then I drop it. Ultimately it’s the friend’s decision to stay or leave the relationship. If they want to gripe to you about the dummy you know she should dump, well just listen and keep your comments to yourself. If it’s especially distressing and she just wont do anything about it then decide if you want to stick around and watch the destruction or distance yourself. It’s not worth you staying up nights worrying about a friend who doesn’t care about her own well being. But sometimes the role of being a good friend is just to grin and bear it…and pray that your friend makes the right choices. And if they are good friends, no guy will come between you just like with these gals.

 

SATC Talk: The Ick Factor: Do We Really Want Fairytales?

Episode 14 of season six takes us on a journey with Carrie and the Russian. I was never a big fan of this character but I did appreciate how he wooed her. Yes woo. Courted. Romanced. Whatever you wanted to call it. It is so rare that we see this old school style of dating anymore. Elaborate first dates, roses… Heck, it’s hard for me to even find a situation where wearing a dress is appropriate. Somehow we got so used to just “hanging out” that we don’t court one another anymore. And when a guy does something almost “fairytale” like, we don’t know how to handle it as this clip shows.

In fact after The Russian bought her a dress to take her to the opera or something then asked her to dance to the sound of romantic violins, she didn’t take it so well.

After seeing this I wrongly assumed that Russians were this romantic (I can’t figure out why because nothing about my previous knowledge of their culture led me to the warm and fuzzies). Not that I have dated enough to make a leap to either direction.

But back to my point. We say we want romance but then there are some of us who might think a guy corny if he writes us poetry. Lemme tell ya something: I’m not one of those gals and neither are my friends. If you want to paint me a work of art, take me to a dimly lit romantic restaurant, plan a picnic, surprise me with a concert to my favorite artist, give flowers on a date (and not because you were trying to seek my forgiveness on something), take a walk holding hands along the water: I am here for it. I will not pass out or “gripe” to my friends about it (side note, if anyone of my friends complains about this stuff I will shut them down and end the conversation with a mean side eye and a “girl, bye”).

I likes romance. Just because our culture or generation is slowly draining it out of our systems doesn’t mean there aren’t some of us fighting to keep our hold on it. I don’t get “icked” out by romance. Truth is, with the right person the “corny” is just fine. But alas there are enough women that have spurned such overtures and have left some men to believe romance is not needed. Don’t believe the hype (yeah I brought that phrase back): romance is not dead. Let’s keep it going.

SATC Talk: A Woman’s Right to Shoes: Being Single Doesn’t Pay

The truth to episode 9 is just so real.  I didn’t quite understand until I saw it in syndication years later and many bucks spent. I have shelled out dough on friends bachelorette parties, bridal showers, weddings, baby showers, baby birthdays. Being married with kids ain’t cheap…for the friends! But I don’t mean to say that I didn’t want to be apart of my friend’s joys. I do. But as we get older, sometimes being the single friend can be a one sided deal as this clip shows.

Most of the time I don’t get birthday presents from my friends so there is no “equality” in the gift giving arena between my married/parent friends. I don’t get too huffy about it because I figure it’ll all come out in the wash when I get married and have kids….But what if I don’t? And never mind the many friends and acquaintances whose weddings I go to and give gifts to who I don’t ever hear from again. You can’t imagine how common it is for a friend to get married and then disappear from my life. As if there is some secret dimension they cross over to when they jump the broom.

However, money aside, the one thing that this episode high lights is that married and single folk have different lives and priorities. But who are we to judge each other? Carrie’s friend “shoe shamed” her because she chose to spend 400 dollars on shoes (ridiculous, yeah I’m judging) and in her married parent life spending such money would be silly unless you were rich. As a result she didn’t want to pay Carrie back for the shoes that were stolen at her house party. Well she offered to reimburse her at a lower price. She determined that Carrie was living an unimportant life because she was spending money on frivolous things like expensive shoes.  Yet, oddly enough when Carried said she was having an engagement to herself registered at the same place her 400 shoes were the friend was quick to buy the same shoes then for her.

Was it the principle? Are married friends only willing to care about single friends if its something that they can relate to as married people? I’m lucky enough to have a close married friend who doesn’t think that way but the fact that I only still remain friends with only one of the people I knew who got married speaks volumes to me. I’m willing to stay friend with all my married friends but the feeling isn’t always mutual. Do we outgrow our usefulness to have friends when we marry? I hope not because our girlfriends have a place in our lives as humans. Is that a female thing? Do males ditch their friends once they get hitched? Me thinks not.

Moral of the story, all of our lives are equally important and there is no need to shame another person for not walking the same journey you walk.

SATC Talk: The Post It Always Sticks Twice: Bad Ways To Break Up

Sigh, this is the saddest episode for me in this series, episode 7. I think any woman can relate to dating a guy and wanting to make it work so bad it just not happen. And then to add insult to injury, it ends in such a cold way. We women like to have closure and if you want to make us send a gypsy curse your way, break up with us in cold/cowardly manner.

So in this episode Carrie has just received the above note from her boyfriend after they make up from a silly fight. And that was the end of that relationship. Here she was thinking everything was great and she wakes up to this foolishness. As you will see in this clip, it’s not taken so well. And can you blame her?

I know you might think there is no right way to break up but I think there are decent ways to break up. We are in an age of emotional laziness but there has got to be a limit to how we treat our fellow humans. Breaking up by vanishing, sending a text, leaving a voicemail message, changing your status on facebook or leaving a note is just plain ignorant. If nothing else, it leaves bad karma. The longer/deeper the relationship, the more courage we have to find to end things in a dignified way. Sure, no one wants to have to have that talk or look into someone’s sad eyes but do it we must. It’s called being an adult. And you just never know who you will need in your life.

I’ve had some exs I probably never want to see again in life but that has nothing to do with the breakup and more to do with the fact that I just don’t like them. And even in that I made sure our breakup was as thoughtful and considerate as the situation allowed.

Sometimes an uncomfortable talk for a few minutes is a much better thing than the longevity of a tacky breakup. You just never know when you will need people again in your life. Why make an enemy unnecessarily?

SATC Talk- Pick A Little, Talk A Little- He’s Just Not That Into You

Now we enter the final season (sniff sniff) and this is a favorite, season six episode 4. This episode (and the book) totally changed my outlook on dating. Granted sometimes I didn’t heed the signs but the trusty advice from this episode never failed me.

Now this is not a fun thing to think about and we women have spent ions telling each other what we want to hear (although the advice has gone more negative or more in line with the book the older we get). The guy didn’t call because he was afraid of commitment or he just likes you so much and wants to take it slow or he wants more of chase or *makes fart noise* who cares.

The end game is that dude did not follow through. Let’s be honest with each other. If he really likes you he will respond to your text in a reasonable amount of time and not 2 days later. His last minute canceling may happen but if he really likes you he will call you and reschedule when he has to cancel, not some short text with no future make up plans. If he isn’t asking you for a second date by at least a few days after the first date…eh, he’s not that deep into you. If he doesn’t bother to plan at least one date…well. Turn the page, he’s just not that into you.

Sure there are exceptions but keep your eyes open and your hopes in check. The reality is, and I’ve written about this before, we know what being desired feels like. A man who is into you will make sure you feel desired. It may not be in the way you want it but at last you’ll know it and feel it. If you have to ask then you already know the answer.

SATC Talk: I Love A Charade: Is Dating Out of Your “Type” Better?

Episode 8 of the 5th season is another favorite of mine. Where Charlotte met Harry, her not so instantly attractive divorce lawyer, later husband. She is not into him when they first meet but something changes as this scene below shows.

 

 

If I was a betting gal, I can tell you what it was but it won’t make me look good. Lean in close fellas, see sometimes we ladies like to be adored and desired (in a respectful way) and an average guy (in a well tailored suit) can go from Joe Schmo to Superman with just the right words and actions. In the age of anti-romance, a guy who puts in some effort can get a major pay off.

Now that’s the nice part. Here’s the other side of why Charlotte liked Harry.

He was not her usual type. And, let’s be real for a moment. There has been an instance in my life where I’ve gone for the guy I was not attracted to after he wore me down and did the right things and made me give a second, head tilted, look. And, somewhere deep, deep, deep down in the recesses of my mind I thought “heck maybe he will treat me better than the more obvious good looking guys.”

Let me stop you ladies with a reality check, a man’s looks does not define the level of treatment you will recieve. I, and a few of my friends, have gone down this path and been met with foul ends. See a non-committal type guy of any type of look is going to know how to play the game and capitalize on his best assets to win the gal. We women think in female logic and believe that if he doesn’t look like Chris Hemsworth (sigh, Thor) and he’s flirting with us then he’s probably a nicer guy, won’t cheat and all that jazz. Because in our minds, if we thought we weren’t that hot, we’d lead with another plus like our cooking skills or humor and be great partners because we’d be under the belief that it would be harder to attract a male eye.

*Shrugs*

Maybe this is true for females, but it is not true for men. We are expected to be pretty, men are expected to provide. Therefore, they lead with that aspect of themselves and this is why women aren’t as visually concerned as men. And at the end of this season we see that after Charlotte breaks down and admits to liking Harry, he says he could never marry her because she isn’t Jewish (she later converts, talk about love!). She asks why did he even pursue her then. He pretty much replies that he’s a dude and couldn’t help it.

Morale of the story? I’m not saying you might as well just go for the hot(ter) guys because guys you aren’t immediately attracted to will break your heart as well. That would be shallow. I am saying, don’t judge a book by its cover. In the pursuit of love, looks (or lack their of) really doesn’t have much to do with it.

SATC Talk: Unoriginal Sin: Does Self help really help?

Episode 2 of season 5 finds Carrie in one of her most cynical moments. She side eyes Samantha for taking her ex back and begrudgingly goes to a self help seminar on positivity (The Secret?) with Charlotte. Charlotte, having divorced her husband Trey, is in a fragile state. She’d been reading her self help guides, practicing her daily affirmations and still wasn’t in the positive spirits with hope of finding love. So she goes to this seminar and tells the speaker that she’s trying but this positivity thing isn’t working. The speaker insists that she just really isn’t giving it her all. This upsets Carrie who stands up and says Charlotte is doing everything she can (“oh she’s out there”).

I do believe in the power of positive thinking (if you’ve followed my blog I did a mini series on my takeaway from The Secret). However I also understand how things are easier said than done. I’ve read many a guidebook and been to a few seminars and tried every bit of advice I’ve been given. But there comes a point when you hit the cynic wall. I come from a generation that wants results sooner rather than later. I work out and I want to see ripped abs immediately. I take a dose of my cold medicine and I want to be able to breath right after I swallow that pill. I read The Secret and I want instant happiness and goal achievement. Nothing is worse than that feeling of giving something your all and getting nothing out of it.

And to add to that pain is being told that you really aren’t doing all you can do. Sure these speakers, coaches and writers want to prove that they are offering a fail proof solution on finding happiness so why would they admit that their logic isn’t all the way sound. I can run holes in some of the logic of The Secret no matter how lovely the idea of the Law of Attraction may be. Sometimes bad things happen to good people.  And even more, sometimes the things we desire the most just don’t happen for us. There is a singer who can sing laps around Beyoncé and perform even better who may never get her fanfare. The next MLK in the works won’t get the following because his twitter page isn’t popular or he doesn’t have a program on CNN.

Now I don’t advocate giving up or hopelessness. But I’m starting to come to the realization that just because I put my thoughts and energy into something doesn’t mean it will happen. The better advice is to help people accept the things they can not change  (at least for the time being) and truly be at peace with where their life is after they have made all efforts to reach their happiness. No one person has all the answers and there is no guide or fool proof plan to having the perfect life but patience (and being open to receive good) is gold.

SATC Talk: Anchors Away: Dating Yourself

So we start Season 5 with Carrie single after her final break up with Aiden and Mr. Big leaving NYC. She decides to take a step back from men and focus on her. I’ve written about this idea before, taking a break from focusing on dating to enjoy other parts of life. When society tells us that we should be only focusing on finding a mate and hurrying up to have kids, the whole world of dating can be quite overwhelming. It can also become depressing if we aren’t reaching our romantic goals.

But when dating stops being fun because we have waded through so much muck then taking a step back and changing our perspective is always ideal.

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So it was actually this episode that gave me the idea of going out alone and taking myself places. Don’t get me wrong, I love a great date, but there is something empowering about living life and carrying on even without a mate. In this episode Carrie goes to the museum, the movies, out to eat and turns down a guy because she’s just doing her own thing.

For the solo beginners here are some good date yourself ideas that get you in tune with yourself:

1) Go to the museum- preferably one that caters to something of interest to you. I actually prefer going to the museum alone. If I’m on a date I’m not really emerged into the art and you have to go at the pace of the other person which can be boring if they are slower at appreciating the art than you.

2) Go out to eat- Now if I do this, I’m going to the bar. I haven’t gotten the courage to eat at a table by myself. Going early if you feel awkward about it might be easiest as well.

3)Go to the movies- This I’ve come to do without a problem, particularly an early matinee. I had a friend who was bold enough to do this on a weekend night. I’m not quite there yet…

4)Go to a festival/fair- I’ve done this. Again, it can be a fun stroll around the sites and you get to go at your own pace.

5)Got to a small concert or a play- I had a friend who went to a concert at a large arena and had a great time. For a beginner a smaller venue might be an easier option

I’m sure there are many other date yourself activities to try. Don’t let being single scare you away from living your life and if you are taking a needed break from dating to regroup from a broken heart sometimes going out on your own can be healing. Any other ideas of good date yourself things to do?

SATC Talk: The Good Fight: Reality Check On Living With Your Significant Other

In Season 4 Episode 13 Aiden moves into Carrie’s small  little apartment (we never see Aiden’s pad but I wonder how logical it was to move into an efficiency if he had something bigger). Needless to say he (along with his dog) was cramping her style big time.

This fight is all to familiar. I have had the experience of having a live in boyfriend and lemme tell ya, it’s not all peaches and cream (yum, peaches and cream oatmeal is my favorite, side track!). Sure the idea initially sounds lovely but for a Type A gal sharing a space with another is a lesson in compromise and tolerance. Like Carrie, a past boyfriend moved in to my space. He didn’t require a lot of room thankfully because I have more shoes, clothes and purses than I should really have. But making space was the easy part. Hard part for a type A gal? Well let me count the ways:

1) Noise. I’m a light sleeper and having another not sleep on my schedule was difficult. They’d be up watching TV and I’d be tossing and turning ready to scream from the noise of the TV. And the snoring- The Horror, The Horror!

2) Mess. I’m not super duper neat but I’m tidy enough.  I used to  (operative word being “used” to”) have a regimen of cleaning house and doing laundry every Saturday morning. Bits from my childhood. Not an easy task to keep up with if another is around who doesn’t do the same or keep the place nice in between cleanings.

3) Accountability. You aren’t alone now. You have to let others know of your coming and goings or they will worry. And you will worry about them as well.

4)Privacy. It’s pretty much gone. If I’m walking around in my ratty T shirt, green face mask and hair in rollers, welp, he’s there to watch it. If I’m in the bathroom too long, he’s there to knock on the door to ask what’s taking so long, or he’ll just bust in.

5)Quiet. After a long day at work you just need that peace. When you have a partner living with you that instant relaxation (especially for an introvert like me) is not abundant. And the time to do creative hobbies (like writing) is something you have to fight to get.

But there are good things about having a partner living with you. The companionship, laughing at sitcoms together, playing games together, cooking (especially if you like to cook or he prefers to cook when you don’t), the team work, the back up, among other things. If there’s real love there, all the other annoying things don’t matter. As this clip below shows perfectly, sometimes the space we think we need is all in our heads.

Fast forward to 1:40