Jamieson Wolf's Blog, page 63
February 23, 2016
Why I Walk the Walk
The MS Society of Ottawa sent out an email a little while ago suggesting to team captains that they should tell their story. Why do I walk the MS Walk? I walk because, for a while, I had forgotten how.
On December 31st, 2012, I woke to find that my world had changed. I was unable to walk very well. In fact, I could barely stand upright. I felt as if I was walking in an upside down world where nothing made sense. From that moment until August 21st, I had no idea what was wrong with me.
I had been diagnosed with Labyrinthitis, a disorder that affects the balance that is cause by trauma to the inner ear. It was supposed to go away in two weeks. I spent most of my time sitting on my couch when I could get to it or sleeping.
As the two weeks neared its end, I thought I would go out to dinner with an ex-boyfriend. We had take out Chinese food. I admit I over indulged quite a bit, but it was a treat to have food that wasn’t rice, saltines or chocolate pudding; those had been the only things I could keep down for two weeks.
The Chinese food turned out to be a horrible mistake. I woke up in the night and was horribly sick. I just remember vomiting everything up. It just kept coming and when I thought I was done, it would continue. In the morning, the imbalance had returned with a vengeance and I could barely lift my head upright. My dad came to get me to bring me home and for the next three weeks, I slept.
The left side of my face went completely numb as did my left hand. I felt like Two-Face from Batman. Though I could have thought of a few more super heroes’ I would have rather been. I had also lost all the hearing in my left ear and I had gone partially blind.
I could see, but only just. It was as if someone had placed several layers of plastic over my eyes. Everything was blurry and I had a hard time reading. Bathing with no balance was a chore. Someone would come every day to make sure I didn’t fall or hurt myself as I had no balance. I had to be helped in and out of the bath.
I remember trying to go back to work after a month and a half pretty much housebound. I had to learn to walk again with the help of a cane. I could see, but only just. Taking a bus was a frightening. I had no balance on a moving vehicle and kept falling into people. Thankfully they were very nice about it.
It was when I lost the power of speech and the ability to type that my boss sent me to the hospital where my mother was waiting to meet me. The words were there, waiting in my mouth to be spoken, but I could only get one out of every five out. Likewise, my brain knew the words that it wanted my hands to type, but I couldn’t get my fingers to go where I wanted them to. There was a blockage somewhere.
I had known that something was wrong. We all know our own bodies, right? Since December 31st, I knew it wasn’t just the Cerebral Palsy I was born with. It was something deeper. We were lucky that there was a neurologist on staff in the emergency room that night. He said he had an idea of what it was, but they would have to run some test to be sure.
On August 21st, 2013, eight months after the whole ordeal had started, I found out what I was carrying inside of me. The neurologist gave it a name. He said I had Multiple Sclerosis. This news came the day before my birthday.
Some people said that that was a horrible thing to happen right before my birthday but I didn’t think so. It had a name now. I knew the name of what I would be fighting against.
It’s been a long haul to get to where I am now and many dark times where I almost gave up. When I did the MS Walk in 2014, I almost didn’t think I would be able to do it. By the end of 3KM, I was shaky and spent. But I had done it.
So I went back in 2015 and will go back on Sunday April 24th to do it again. I walked 5KM last year and will do so again this year. And the year after that…
I walk for everyone that can’t. I walk so that, one day, there will be a cure. I walk to show myself I can. I walk to prove that miracles can and do happen. I walk because I had forgotten how.
So this year, on Sunday April 24th, won’t you come and walk with me? Click below to walk with The Wolf Pack. It’s guaranteed to be a fun day (though last year was a little too cold for my taste!)
Or, if you can’t walk with us, consider donating to my team. Every penny helps fund research to help end MS and find a cure.
Click below to learn more
http://mssoc.convio.net/site/TR/Walk/OntarioDivision?team_id=86808&pg=team&fr_id=5086
And in the meantime, keep on walking.
February 21, 2016
Savage: London Mob Book One by Michelle St. James – A Book Review
Jenna Carver is a woman with secrets.
It’s been five years and she’s still trying to mend her heart. She still loves Ferrell Black even though she chose to leave. When she found out she was pregnant with his child, she knew that he couldn’t give her and their unborn child the safety she needed and wanted. She chose to leave.
For five years, she’s hidden in New York, working for Nico Vitale. When working for the mob became too much, she left. Now her only focus is on taking care of her daughter Lily. She still carries a secret torch for Ferrell Black, though she’d be loathe to admit it.
When her father dies suddenly, killed in a random mugging, she flies back to London and her family…and the man that still occupies her heart: Ferrell Black. She does what she can to stay out of sight and to keep her heart in check. However, when Jenna sees Ferrell at her father’s funeral, all of the old emotions are still there and seeing Ferrell only brings them to the surface once again.
Jenna knows that she can’t let Ferrell find out about Lily. While trying to decide what to do she starts going through her father’s belongings and finds a key card and a passport sewn into the lining of her fathers jacket. She flicks through the passport and sees there are stamps for Amsterdam; but her father never wen to Amsterdam, did he?
She knows that Ferrell Black, head of the London Syndicate of the mob, may be her only choice for answers. What he finds will send them both fleeing for their lives. At the same time, Jenna has to decide whether she can forgive Ferrell and forgive herself…
I flat out loved this book. Michelle Zink writing as Michelle St. James has written a sure fire winner that somehow tops her previous romances, though I didn’t think that was possible. She writes so well that the characters come alive on the page.
What drew me in was the characters. Jenna is a strong woman with a definite idea of how she wants to raise her daughter. Her sister, Kate, is the perfect balance to Jenna. Ferrell is the perfect hero. However, what surprised me was the sheer amount of heart in this book.
Take Ferrell. Early on in the novel, we meet his brother, Evan. His severely autistic and Ferrell keeps him in a home so that he can get the best care possible. Then there’s Jenna. She and her sister Kate have had to deal with an alcoholic mother all their lives and Kate is still taking care of her when she can.
It takes a talented writer to deal with subjects that wouldn’t normally be found in romance novels and to do it so well that it’s believable. It takes a deft hand to accomplish this, but thankfully, the author possesses that in spades. The subjects of alcoholism and Autism would have made the book awkward in someone else’s hands, but in St. James’, they only deepen the affection we feel for the characters.
What held everything together was the love and the passion that Ferrell and Jenna have for each other. The passionate fire between Jenna and Ferrell just burns up the page and the love between them is so real that you can’t help but be pulled in.
I can’t wait to see what happens in book two: Primal!
February 18, 2016
Shine Forth – A Poem
Your sun is
hiding behind a
cloud. I can
see it there,
a muted luminescence,
begging to shine
forth. You bring
joy to others,
even though your
sun is behind
the clouds. Know
that you are
valued and that
you are loved
and that the
world misses your
glow. Remember that
this too shall
pass, that tomorrow
is another day
and that good
things happen; you
just have to
bide your time.
I will wait
for your luminescence
to shine forth
once more, banishing
the clouds, so
that everyone can
see how beautiful
you truly are.
February 14, 2016
Love Becomes… – A Poem
The first time you told me
“I love you.”
something within me came to life.
It was as if a light that had gone out
flickered into being once more.
When I told you
“I love you too.”
the light grew brighter,
filling every fibre of me,
so that the light could only
shine forth for all to see.
People began to remark on
how happy I was, how much
I shone. I knew it was all
because of your love for me
and the love for you
that I carried inside.
As our love has continued to grow,
it’s changed the world within me
and the world around me.
The entire world was brighter,
my spirit was lighter.
You have shown me that
love is not something you do,
it is something you become.
My world has become something
all together more wonderful
because of the love that we have
for each other and I can’t wait
to see what else the world around us
will become because of our
love.
February 13, 2016
Kindness is Free – A Poem
I took a
seat beside her.
The coffee shop
was bustling with
people and the
only empty seat
was beside this
woman. She had
black hair that
framed her face
like a curtain
made of silk
and for a
moment, it looked
as if her
hair was blowing
in the wind.
She was smartly
dressed as if
she had come
right from work.
She looked sad,
removed from the
world around her,
as if there
was a invisible
barrier that she
held between herself
and all of us.
I took my
tea to the
table and sat,
opening my book.
It was at
that moment she
began to cry.
Heaving sobs erupted
out of her
and I watched
as tears started
to pour from
her eyes, leaving
crystal paths in
their wake on
her skin. Others
in the restaurant
sneered at her,
looking at her
with disdain, as
if it was
unacceptable that she
would show her
pain in public.
I did the
only thing I
could think of.
I held out
a packet of
tissues to her.
“Ma’am? Here you go.”
I said softly.
She looked at
me with large
frightened eyes as
if surprised I
was there. She
shook her head.
“I’m okay! I’m okay, I’m okay, I’m okay!”
I don’t know
if she was
trying to convince
herself of this
or me, but
I held out
the packet of
tissues to her again.
“It’s all right Ma’am. Take them.”
She did with
shaking hands and
blew her nose,
dried her eyes.
She sat there
for a moment
longer and then
got up to
go. Before she
left, she looked
right at me
and her eyes
seemed a little brighter.
“Thank you.”
She whispered. I
watched her go,
hoping that with
my small gesture,
I brought her
some measure of
comfort.
February 12, 2016
#BingeReading The Passage Trilogy
Pardon me while I geek out.
A little over a week ago, I got a message from Penguin Books Canada. You can read the note below. They wanted to know if I’d be interested in something called a #BingeReading box that contained Justin Cronin’s The Passage Trilogy.
I nearly screamed when I got the note. The chance to read The City of Mirrors, months ahead of it’s May 2016 publication date? Sign me up!
I waited with barely suppressed glee for the box to arrive and it finally did today! It was waiting for me when I got home. I knew I was in for a treat when I saw the box.
Anything that came with a #BingeReading sticker on the outside has to be cool right? I carefully opened it and lifted the top.
I spent a few minutes looking through the contents of the box. I took each book out and each item, looking upon the whole thing with something approaching reverence. Of course I took the books out first.
The Passage is one of my all time favourite books. I’ve read it three times and am through 70% of it on my Kindle for a fourth time. I’ve only ever owned the hardcover once and that was given to a friend who I knew would love it as much as I did.
I’ve read The Twelve three times and love it just as much as The Passage. Unlike quite a few trilogies, it doesn’t suffer from middle book syndrome. It’s just as exciting as The Passage and just as breathtaking.
I can’t believe that I have a copy of The City of Mirrors. Isn’t it beautiful? It seems almost unreal to me, holding the book after so long waiting for it. The Twelve was published in 2012. For four years, I’ve wanted to know what happened to Amy and the world that has become infected with virals.
Also in the #BingeReading box were a few things to help me along as I read through the trilogy. There’s candy! Now, those who’ve read The Passage will appreciate the inside joke of the container looking like a prescription bottle. Project Noah anyone?
There’s a book light so I can read well into the night…
A bag of popcorn…
And a can of RedBull just in case I need a little energy boost.
There’s even a totally awesome post card that I’ll be using as a book mark!
I mean, how cool is that? Everything I need to read to my hearts content all in one box! Super cool!!!
However, as much as I want to read the book (like RIGHT NOW!), I’m going to do things the right way and finish reading The Passage and then read The Twelve before I read The City of Mirrors. I want to have the story fresh in my head before I delve into the ending of one of the most epic trilogies ever.
So. Totally. Excited!!!!!
Let the #BingeReading begin!
February 11, 2016
You’ve Re-Written My Life – A Poem
As a writer,
I look at my life
as an ongoing story,
every life-changing event
as the start of a new chapter,
words spilling across
the paper of my skin.
Until I met you,
my life had become
something of a horror novel,
my body not my own,
my steps unsure,
my thoughts grim and filled
with shadows and all manner
of darkness waiting for me,
both inside and out.
Though I was loved by many,
I felt alone in the world,
carrying only half of a heart
within me, the pages
of the book of me
filled with illegible scribbles
and ink splotches where my pen
was unable to write the words
I wanted to say.
Then I met you.
Slowly, the pages within
started to fill with something
other than darkness,
something other than shadows.
The pages were filled with
stories again rather than
splotches of ink and scribbles.
Your love for me has brought
brightness to my life and
now all the pages I write
glow with a light that is
pure and beautiful.
No longer is the story I tell
one of wanting of needing.
Now it is a story of two hearts
that found each other
despite all odds and
the life we are building together.
You’ve re-written my life
and I won’t skip ahead
to see what’s coming.
I want to experience every moment
with you by my side
and watch as the pages
continue to glow.
February 7, 2016
You Were Loved – A Poem
I had never met you,
but as I stood in a room
filled with your family,
I came to know you.
They talked of your kindness,
your generosity of spirit,
of your intense energy
and your joie de vivre.
They talked of your selflessness,
your sense of humor
and your big heart
that had touched so many.
I came to know you
through the stories
of others, through their sadness
at your passing, through
their laughter at something
that you had done in the past.
During the last moments
of your life, you thought that
there was nothing, there
was no one, there was only
blackness and despair.
Seeing everyone pay tribute
to you, remember you,
talk about you, I hope you
felt the lightness seep into
the darkness and sweep it away.
I hope that, at last, you felt that light
where ever you were, that you
were looking down on us
surrounded by light and brightness.
Approaching the casket, I could
think of nothing else to say except:
“You were loved. Where ever you are now, know that you were loved.”
February 5, 2016
Release Day for Dancing with the Flame!
Dancing with the Flame is released today! Happy Book Birthday to me!
I’m thrilled for you all to be able to read my new collection of poems. It’s available in ebook and paperback and you can buy your copy here:
Here’s a bit about the book:
Following the Number One Best Sellers, Talking to the Sky and Walking on the Earth, Dancing with the Flame contains poems that are part memoir and part journey towards self-love.
They are Wolf’s attempt to not only find balance but to love all parts of himself, even those that are most difficult to love.
They are a testament to the strength of the human spirit. The poems show us that whatever life throws at us, with courage anything is possible.
With unflinching honesty, Wolf talks about disease, sexuality, physical disability and the healing power of love.
I’m so excited for this release. The book contains some of my best poems to date and continues on my journey that started in Talking with the Sky.
I’m so excited that I’m going on tour! How cool is that?
Today, you can visit with me at Dianne Hartstock’s blog and read about the story behind the poem What I Had Become. You can find that post here:
https://diannehartsock.wordpress.com/my-blog/
Tomorrow, on February 6th, I’m stopping by Laurie Stewart’s blog. Visit to find out the story behind the poem You Have Given Me the World. You can find that here:
https://lauriestewartauthor.wordpress.com/
Even better, I’m stopping at fourteen different blogs to talk about Dancing with the Flame! I’ve partnered with The Book Mistress and she has me taking over the internet!
08 Feb – BookGirl Knitting
09 Feb – Indy Book Fairy
09 Feb – Savvy Authors
10 Feb – Lynn Stevens
11 Feb – Romancing the Book
11 Feb – Foreplay & Fangs
11 Feb – Books on Fire
12 Feb – Torie James
12 Feb – Room with Books
12 Feb – Night Owl Reviews
12 Feb – Coffee Time Romance
13 Feb – Stormy Nights Reviewing & Blogging
13 Feb – Books & More
14 Feb – Shelli Rosewarne
Click on the name of the blog to head there, or check out this blog post which has all the stops!
I’m so thrilled to be sharing this book with all of you. Follow me on tour and find out more about the poems in Dancing with the Flame, the way I write poetry and what poetry means to me.
Celebrate and dance on!
January 31, 2016
The Uninvited Guest – A Poem
The air around
us was hazy,
as if I were
seeing it through
a gossamer film.
They sat across
from me with
looks of concern
etched on their
faces. The blonde
one said simply:
“How are things going for you?”
I tried to
convey my frustration.
“Well, he won’t leave. I don’t know what else to do. He just showed up one day and won’t leave. I don’t know how to make him.”
The brunette gave
me a kind
smile. She touched
my knee softly.
“Well have you tried talking to him?”
I nodded vigorously.
“I’ve been nice about it, telling him that it’s not just working out, nothing against him or anything. But he won’t listen.”
The blonde one
put a finger
to her chin.
“Weren’t you telling us last week about his cousin? Angus or something?”
“Angry Angus. Yeah, he came to stay for a bit, but him I did get rid of. But the other one won’t go, this Max Shadow person. He won’t leave. I’ve tried everything and he won’t go.”
“Maybe he isn’t supposed to.”
The brunette said.
“What do you mean?”
“Well…”
Here she looked
at me with
a knowing glance.
“Sometimes, people or events come along for a reason. We just have to find out what that reason is.”
I considered her
words. I tried
to think of
the reason why
Max Shadow was
there. I shrugged.
“Besides, you don’t have much choice, do you?”
The blonde said.
“He lives inside of you after all.”
She pointed to
the brunette in
with a well
manicured hand.
“She has Diana Diabetes inside of her, always trying to make her foods she knows that are bad for her.”
The blonde indicated
herself laying a
hand on her heart.
“I have Cathy Cancer who is always with me, though she’s currently visiting her aunt.”
The blonde touched
my knee again.
“We all have uninvited guests within us. We just have to find a way to exist with them instead of against them.”
The haze that
surrounded both of
them began to
grow until it
was difficult to
see the. Their
features were even
more blurred when
light began to
shine through them.
“Trust in yourself.”
The blonde said.
“It will become clear in time.”
The light pouring
into them filled
my eyes and
I woke to
find a new
warmth in myself
and a wetness
on my cheeks.
