Roma Khetarpal's Blog, page 27

Happy Valentine’s Day

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“Have to” or “Get to”? You Could Win a $50 Amazon Gift Card

Early this morning, my daughter, who is in grad school in Boston, shared a short video of a class lecture that a friend in law school had shared with her, along with a note that read: “This is so awesome. A great reminder for everyone!”

What the professor had said—and what struck a chord with both young women and me—was: Everything in life boils down to two things: You either get to do something or you have to do something. And we can shift our perspective of the experience by changing our words.

I’ve often reflected on just this idea, and it was on my mind a little while later, when I was returning phone calls to three busy moms.

First up was my sister, the active mother of three.

“Hi,” I said. “Is this a good time to talk?”

“No, I have a lot to do,” she said, sounding really busy.

“Is everything ok?”

“Yes, I’ve just got a lot on my mind. After work, I have to get the kids, and then I have to take Deven to basketball practice and Dillan to Kumon. While the boys are in classes, I have to run to Michael’s to get some supplies for Vaani for her project. I’m so tired just thinking about it!”

I followed that conversation with a call to another woman, a younger, stay-at-home mom who had a parenting question. I found myself asking what her day looked like. She said, “I’m on my way to the grocery store! I have to make my Saira her favorite homemade cookies. She has been asking for them for a week, and I promised her that she would have them for dessert today. Then I have to pick up my little one from school and take her to the park for a quick play date before I have to pick up Saira from school! Crazy day!”

Once again, I couldn’t help but notice the stressed tone of voice that accompanied the list of things she had to do!

On my next call, on purpose, I prompted the mom, who works part-time, to spill her guts with a, “So, what’s on the agenda today?” Off she went, “ Ugh! Where should I begin! I just got done with work, and I have to pick up Julia from school, and then I have to take her to dance practice! Then I have to swing by my mom’s to visit for an hour—she ‘s been complaining that I don’t make time for her, and she hasn’t seen Julia in a week! Parents!!! They’re like big kids!”

After our conversation, I couldn’t help but giggle as I started to wonder what it would feel like to apply what I had heard in that professor’s talk. As an exercise, I replaced some of the many have to’s that I heard with get to’s:

I get to take my son to basketball practice…

I get to make my daughter’s favorite cookies…

I get to pick up my little one and take her to the park….

I get to take my daughter to dance practice…

I get to hang out with my daughter at Grandma’s…

I noticed my voice took on a melodic tone as I switched the words. I even got a smile on my face. What kind of challenge would it be, I wondered, to inspire moms to switch those oh, so common words?

I was jolted back to reality by the voice in my head: “Easy for you to say…your kids are grown up, and you don’t have the never-ending to-do list and crazy schedule that a lot of moms do!”

At that moment, an email I was expecting came in, and I was pulled back into my work routine. Two hours later, my son called, and I was so engrossed in what I was doing that I forgot to say, “Hello,” when I answered the phone.

“Mom, are you there?” I heard my son say.

“Oh, yes, I’m here, Nav. Sorry. I was caught up in writing this email. I was supposed to send it by noon, and I’m already 10 minutes late. What’s up?”

“Oh, I just wanted to see if you could grab a quick bite with me. I’m on my way home now.”

“No, love,” I fired back. “I’m sorry. I have to return this email, and then I have to call my publisher to sort something out. I also have a conference call at 3 that I need to prepare for.”

“No problem, Mom,” he said. “Just thought I’d ask. I’ll come up and say hi after lunch.”

That was my aha moment! My hands stopped typing, and I realized that I’d blurted out a lot of have to’s in less than 30 seconds. I couldn’t help but wonder what our conversation would have been like if I had used a get to somewhere.

What a pleasure it is when our kids ask for our company, and we get to have lunch with them, I thought. I made sure to finish my email, and as I hit send, I heard the garage door open and my son walk in. I stopped everything and went downstairs to greet him. When he saw me grab a plate to fix my lunch, he asked, “Are you going to eat with me after all? I thought you had a lot to do.”

Mindfully, I answered, “Yes, I do have a lot to do, but I get to have lunch with you, and that’s extra special!”

After he left, I thought about the relief and gratitude I had felt by consciously substituting two simple words. Just then the phone rang. It was my son, telling me, “Thanks, Mom. Lunch was fun. I want you to know that you made my day!” How amazing that one get to could gift us both.

With growing children constantly in flux, parenting is truly a get to experience! We don’t have to be parents, we get to do so. Why don’t we remember that in everything that we do?

When we focus on the have to’s, we add a burden to ourselves, our children, and our relationship with our kids. A have to is a must-do command; a get to transforms the command into a privilege and ushers in a sense of gratitude for our children’s presence in our lives. Isn’t that an amazing gift?

Just for a week, let’s all try to be mindful of the have-to’s and make a conscious switch to a get-to… and then explore the good feeling that accompanies it.

Please share your stories. We will pick one that will become a featured blog post for the last week of February. They will also receive a $50 Amazon gift card!

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Unleashing Your Kid’s Hidden Talents

I was in the final stages of writing my manuscript for The “Perfect” Parent, working with my editor, Joan Tapper, when we struck up a conversation about writing styles. Considering her experience, I asked how she would define my writing style. Being a new author had been quite a journey of self-discovery, and I was curious. She said, “I’d describe Roma’s voice as personal, reassuringly conversational, spiritual (some might say, “New Age), occasionally poetic, and calm.”

As I heard the word “poetic,” my heart raced, and my eyes teared up. You see, as a tween, I used to spend a good amount of time writing poetry. I would turn to poetry when I was happy, mad, or sad. Once, when I was trying to get some homework done, I got into a tiff with a fly that I ended up swatting. As I watched it take its last breaths, I even wrote a whole poem that I called “My dear friend, Fred.”

About two weeks later, my father brought me a clipping from our local newspaper and, lo! and behold, in the family section, I saw my name, picture, and poem published with the heading, “Winner of poetry contest: My dear friend, Fred.” A week later, I went to receive my winnings —50 dinars (about $100)—and those pictures were in the local newspaper as well.

My mom had found my poetry folder and had shown it to my father, who mailed it into a newspaper contest. My parents were thrilled, and they encouraged my hidden talent with great enthusiasm and pride. As for me, in my mind, I was now an award-winning poet, and there was no stopping me! I wrote regularly—short poems, long poems, sad poetry, and funny poetry. By the end of the year, I had written about a hundred poems. I had even won first and second place for at least ten of them! In my little hometown of Kuwait, I was quite the renowned poet!

One afternoon, when my dad was out of town, I was going through the mail and happened to notice an envelope addressed to me from The Writers’ Ring, a society of poets based in the UK. My mind was racing… Had they heard about me? Were they writing to invite me to participate in LONDON?? Golly, was L-O-N-D-O-N—my fave city—ready for me? “Very well, then! Here I am!” Anxiously, I opened the envelope, and this is part of what it said:

“The poem shows evidence of talent and much promise but it is very weak in construction and few rules of verse-writing have been observed. But your daughter has plenty of time to catch up with that. I suggest she work on her writing skills and resubmit her application to be part of our children’s society in two years.”

I had been rejected! How rude! I ran to my room with the letter hidden in my shirt, locked the door, and cried my eyes out. I read the letter again and again and cried harder every time until I fell asleep. That was the end of my poetry-writing career.

Two weeks later, at dinner, my mother asked my father, “Did we hear from that poetry company in London?” My father said, “No, I never heard back.” I knew exactly what they were talking about, but I never said a word.

After that, every so often, my parents would ask if I had written any more poems, and my reply was always the same: “I’m not into poetry, anymore.” As much as I enjoyed writing poetry, I gave it up because of the opinion of a single person working in a company that no longer even exists. What I carried around for years to come, however, was the emotion associated with that single incident. Why else would I get so teary-eyed when I heard the word “poetic” 30 years later?

Repressed memories are bound to show up at some point or another. I’m glad that my poetic inclination has resurfaced and that I have allowed myself to explore it once again. It gives me the same magic feeling I had as a tween.

Is there any such talent that was an active part of your child’s life and that has now been buried? Is there any activity that they thoroughly enjoyed that they have now given up? If so, dig a little and explore the reason why. Remember to be as kind as you can. Repressed memories carry heavy emotions, and as you unearth them, you might bear the brunt of them. It’s all for the greater good, though. If you love your children through their pain, it will help their music resurface.

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3 Tips for Overcoming Back to Work Guilt

“I’ve been lucky enough to be able to work part time so that I could dedicate more time and attention to raising my two beautiful kids. However, I now have to go back to work full time. As the day approaches, I am having such a hard time with this decision and the guilt is now getting the best of me. Help!”

This is a common and big dilemma for parents and most of the time, it is unavoidable. The sooner you roll your sleeves up and put it in perspective, the better it is for you and your family. So here are three winning suggestions:

1. Accept and respect: If you start to make room for guilt because of a decision that you have had to make, know that it will affect you first and your family next. Sit with yourself or your spouse  and evaluate if you have entertained all the options (which I’m sure you have). If so, accept your decision by affirming the following: “I am a great parent and under the circumstances, I am doing the best that I can. I accept and respect my decision.” This is guaranteed to help you move forward.

2. Discover and recover: Talk to your children and let them know how you are feeling in an age-appropriate manner, of course. Ask them to help you plan and organize the week so that they, too, know what to expect. Together, come up with new ways of spending family time in the evenings. This will help you uncover a whole new talent in your kids. Keep in mind that kids are very resilient and involving them in the discovery process will help you recover from the guilt.

3. The gift of presence: Before the kids go to bed, dedicate five to ten minutes a day to just hang, doing no-thing. Let them know that that will be special time to share the day about the day. Put aside laundry, chores, cooking agendas, and to-do lists, not just physically, but also mentally, during that time. This is what being “present” is all about —dedicated, undivided, uninterrupted, shared time which will allow communication to stay open as you get busier. The gift is renewed parental confidence that will slowly negate self doubt, guilt, and fear.

The more you practice making a habit of this, the better you will feel. The better you feel, the more adjusted you and your family will get to the new lifestyle. By modeling resilience, you will teach your kids self reliance as well. Also, know that change brings about tremendous growth in both adults and children.

And during turbulent, doubtful, guilt-ridden moments, bring yourself back to center with this reminder: ”I am a great parent and I am doing the best that I can” and take some “YOU” time to refuel and refresh. Raising Kids to Be Happy, Think Positive and Do Good is not just a privilege for stay at home moms. It is an attitude. And as long as you keep that positive attitude, both you and your kids are good to go!

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Guest Posts Around the Web

Thank you so much, followers of this blog, for returning week after week to read our posts on finding your inner perfection as a parent. Although our families and parenting styles may differ, we all have the same end goal in mind: raising our kids to be happy, think positive and do good.

We wanted to share with you the posts you might have not seen yet… guest posts on some blogs that we think you’ll want to follow as well.

Dealing with the Feeling: How to Calm Your Child and Yourself

Positive Parenting Connection 

3 Simple Steps to Be a Better Parent

Maria Shriver

Turning Failure into a Challenge

Kids in the House

We’d love to hear what you think of them.

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New Years Resolution: Mindful parenting perspective to every day issues!

Happy New Year!

A new year always comes with new goals, new resolutions, and the hope that we’ll DO better as parent. Sometimes doing better means we simply need to reevaluate our thoughts and feelings about the day-t0-day experiences we encounter. At Tools of Growth, we whole-heartedly believe in being mindful in all aspects of our lives. Mindful Parenting expert, Jon Kabat-Zinn, explains how you can practice mindfulness and can enhance your relationships, especially ones with your children. Take a look.

Click the image and you’ll be taken to the website where you can view the video.

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ADHD – Are We Too Quick to Medicate?

(Guest Post by Carolyn West, This Talk Ain’t Cheap)

I’d like to preface this by saying this was OUR experience only. I am not advocating for or against medications, just sharing what worked for my family. Tools of Growth is simply presenting one view on the subject matter.

 

In October, the New York Times posted an article titled, A Natural Fix for A.D.H.D., by Richard A. Friedman. The article opened with this statement:

ATTENTION deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is now the most prevalent psychiatric illness of young people in America, affecting 11 percent of them at some point between the ages of 4 and 17. The rates of both diagnosis and treatment have increased so much in the past decade that you may wonder whether something that affects so many people can really be a disease.

We all are aware that children today face so many difficult issues and are much more technologically advanced that we were at their age. Despite all this, do they really have more issues and problems than we did? We all had stressful family situations and school environments. We all had homework and divorce and bullying in our lives. We might not have had an iPhone or an X-Box, but we had television and record players and video arcades to fill up our days. So why, then, are we seeing such an influx of children being treated for ADHD?

THE PROBLEM

I can only speak for myself and the families I know personally, but I don’t know many kids who don’t have some of the traits familiar with ADHD. Easily losing things, being distracted, unable to sit still for long, fidgeting, unable to wait your turn, restless, not listening. Do ANY of these pertain to you or your children? I’m pretty sure ALL of them pertain to me and my kids.

We were mostly concerned with our middle daughter, starting in the 5th grade. She wasn’t listening, she seemed bored, she procrastinated like crazy on everything she had to do. She would finally finish her homework only to lose it between leaving home and walking into school (and I drove her to school so tell me how THAT happens?). She also developed “ticks”, usually associated with Tourette’s Syndrome, that we were very worried about. We fought a lot about her lack of interest and I had constant discussions with her teacher about her lack of focus at school. She is a sweet girl, everyone loves her. She just wasn’t functioning the way we expected her to function. She wasn’t responsible like her older sister. What on earth was wrong with her?

Months of stress on both our parts led us to an amazing child neurologist. The panic that set in when I thought she might have something seriously wrong was weighing heavily on me. I needed to know. After a thorough neurological work-up (tests and more tests), the diagnosis was that she was perfectly fine, just had a touch of ADHD. Phew! That’s good, right?

THE TREATMENT

Now that we had a diagnosis, what were we going to do about it. We had a long discussion with the doctor – including my daughter  – about treatments. What surprised me the most was that this very well-known and well-respected neurologist told us that he didn’t want us to do ANYTHING about it! WHAT???? Do nothing? But, but, but….

He explained that while she did have trouble focusing and getting her work done and she did have ticks and fidgeting problems, he didn’t want to put her on medication unless it was severely interfering with her day-to-day life. He wanted it to be HER decision if she was going to be medicated. To him, she was experiencing normal and average behavior for a 10 year old girl. (ADHD is more common in boys, however.) It was the rest of the adults that couldn’t cope with it. It was ME who thought she was damaged. In reality, she was PERFECT. She IS Perfect! Her brain was just wired a little differently.

My daughter is super smart. She has always ranked advanced on her standardized tests. She is a math whiz and can compute complicated equations that would stump many college students. She also fails a lot of these tests because she can’t focus on any one thing for very long. She seems to procrastinate but the truth is that she has trouble getting started and never does her projects or book reports until the night before they are due. It is one of the things that frustrates me to no end. But once she starts, she gets them done and she doesn’t “phone it in”. She does quality work and gets mostly A’s on those projects.

We’ve learned to let her do things on her own time and in her own way. It isn’t easy, but once we let her just BE HERSELF, we’ve reduced the stress, the fights, and the drama that we’ve been dealing with for years. This attitude (or shift on our part) truly has helped her progress, grow and succeed. Whereas her sisters come home from school and sit right down to do their homework, my middle daughter NEEDS to wind down from the day by watching TV or playing Minecraft or sitting outside and just thinking. And once we let her determine her own way of doing things, her ticks and fidgeting disappeared (most likely anxiety driven). Her outbursts are almost non-existent. She is happier. WE are happier.

Are there kids who desperately need medication to function? YES, of course. Are many kids really just wired a little differently and need some space to find their own way of dealing with life? I absolutely believe so.

We are NOT our kids. Our kids are NOT us. We love them and care for them and protect them, but we need to be observant and mindful enough to know that they are going to need to find their own way in the world. Let’s not hold them back by holding them to OUR way of doing things. Let’s give them wings and let them fly on their own.

 

If you have experienced ADHD or ADD in your own family, we would love for you to share what your experience with us.

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Spreading Joy – $100 Target Giveaway

When was the last time you did something nice for someone else? A friend, a neighbor, or even a stranger? Do you remember how it felt? It feels amazing, doesn’t it? When we saw what the Kansas City, Missouri Police Department did to help give back to their community, it struck a chord with us. We wanted to share their good deeds and encourage others to do some of their own.

We believe that giving is so much more satisfying than receiving and we want to call on you parents to share that message with your children and grandchildren. Take a few moments to show them this video… and then ask them this questions…

 

What does this video teach us?

 

Share their responses (and their age) with us in the comments so we can help spread the holiday love far and wide. We’ll be selecting one response to receive a $100 Target Gift Card. It’s our way of thanking you for your support in spreading the Tools of Growth message and giving back to our community. We hope this encourages you to help out someone in need… not just during the holidays, but throughout the year.

One comment will be chosen at random. Please make sure to leave your email address so we can contact you if you are the lucky winner. Comments will be open through Friday, December 26!

 

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Uncover Your Children’s Passions

In the cultural urgency of keeping our kids busy and thereby enrolling them in every ‘in’ activity and sport, how many of us parents actually stop to observe what our kids are really good at? How can we uncover our children’s passions?

Believe it or not, the three questions I asked myself when choosing activities for my kids were:

1. What’s healthy for them?

2. What will be the most fun?

3. How much will it cost?

All three are great questions…and important ones too. But imagine question #1 looking like this:

1. WHAT IS MY CHILD NATURALLY GOOD AT AND INTERESTED IN?

For some, the MEETING POINT of what they’re good at and what they’re passionate about shows up early on. However, that is not the case for the majority of kids. After all, how many of us ended up making a profession out of our passion? How happy would we be if we did?!

I realized what my passion was at age 43…Tools of Growth! I was practicing for it my whole life but I never knew it until my husband asked me a question that kept me up all night: “What do you LOVE doing? What can make you lose yourself? What do you enjoy so thoroughly where every molecule of your body get sucked into it and you forget the rest of the world? What can you do for 4 hours straight and feel happy and refreshed after it?”

Yes, it took that much soul searching for me! However, when I told my family and friends about Tools of Growth and what I was setting out to do, each one of them said, ”That’s perfect for you. You’re so good at it” or “That fits you perfectly”! How come no one told me that before? How come I, myself, never realized that? It made perfect sense to everyone around me but it took this long for it to crystallize!

I also then decided that I would start observing my own children so I could figure out what they loved to do and then proceed to help them nurture their passion. They may not make a profession out of it right away, but at least they can keep their passion alive by making it a hobby until they can weave it into their profession. This was the case with my daughter, Nitasha, and her passion for photography.

While she currently serves as the Lead Project Manager in Marketing and Business Development, Nitasha keeps her passion for photography very much alive. A chunk of her salary goes towards keeping her camera equipment up-to-date and she is always learning new things by keeping on top of all the new development in the world of photography. She knows that her passion and profession will intersect somehow, some where…soon! All the money us parents have spent on updating her cameras since she was 8 years old was definitely well worth it. Nitasha has created some unforgettable memories for herself and our family including a professional portfolio, vacation slide shows, grandparents’ birthday videos, a family website, photo libraries, and so on.

As parents, we are in an advantageous position to observe, take note, encourage and nurture our kids’ passions from the very beginning. There is such a thrill in watching your child excel at something they LOVE to do.

With this in mind, here’s a great way to pick their activities and classes:

1. Watch for what they love to do, what comes naturally to them AND what they’re good at.

2. Then help them develop it so they can be happy and excel!

3. Even if the costs are high, start with little investments in that direction. After all, you can never put a price tag on passion!

My mentor and favorite author, Wayne Dyer, said in a class that I attended, “Don’t die with the music still in you.” Nurturing our children’s natural gifts (their own personal music!) will make our kids happy. If they’re happy, they will think positive and do good, for themselves and for those around them. What is better than knowing that we as parents contributed in Raising our Kids to Be Happy, Think Positive and Do Good! ?

So when we ask our children, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”…listen carefully. They might already know!

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Why Does Parenting Feel Like the “Hardest” Job in the World? (Part 2)

Want 3 Quick Tools to simplify the “hardest” job in the world?

In the previous week’s blog we discussed why parenting seems so hard. This week, I’m here to deliver on my promise: Here are three simple action tools that help you, the busy parent, align your goal of shifting from “hard parenting” to “smart parenting.” In order to do this, let’s play the “switch” game:

1. Consider everything hard a challenge:

Let’s say that you are faced with a difficult situation with your kids. You’re at the cusp of exploding. Your inner self is screaming, “This is soooo hard!” Now take five deep breaths to slow down your heart rate and get the dopamine flowing into your brain. Then “switch.” Switch the word “hard” with the word “challenge.” “This is soooo challenge.” If you realize that doesn’t sound right, you are coming to your senses. Now be grammatically correct, and reword that sentence: This is sooo challenging, or this is such a challenge. The minute we say that in our head, we are signaling our brain, body, and being to do what we always do when faced with a challenge: Step up, come up with a resolution, rise to the challenge.

This simple word switch relieves us from the weight of the heavy, unyielding word ”hard.” Switching to “challenge” inspires us to step up, roll up our pants, and wade in. We’re only ankle-deep in the problem, not drowning or gasping for breath.

2. Explore the core (with honesty):

Let’s say that your child is resisting, procrastinating, and complaining about everything: I don’t like this snack. I’ll do my homework later. My tummy is hurting. You’re at your rope’s end already, and you just got home 20 minutes ago. You’re about ready to ship him back off to school or scream, “That’s it. You’re grounded!”

Take five deep breaths to slow down your heart rate and get the feel-good dopamine flowing into your brain. Then “switch.” Switch the words, “You’re grounded” to “Let’s explore.” Yes, “Let’s explore.” Now drop everything, and literally explore the core of the issue with exploratory questions like, “How was your day?” If the answer you get is, “Fine,” or “I don’t want to talk about it,” use leading words: “Are you tired? Was it a long day?” I promise you this will strike up a conversation and lead you in a productive direction instead of aimlessly wandering the “grounding” swamp.

Explore your core, too. Have you had a long day? Maybe you woke up at 4:30 a.m. and have been going ever since. Or maybe you had a rough day at work or a tricky situation with a friend or a co-worker or your boss. And if that’s the case then be honest and reflect.

3. Reflect, reconnect, and redirect:

If you’ve caught yourself before you exploded, and playing the switch game has gotten you on your way to resolve, congratulations! If, however, you have already reacted, know that redemption is totally possible when you reflect, reconnect, and redirect! Don’t stop, though, with the feeling that you were wrong. Reflect on how to make the wrong right. Don’t just think about the brighter side; actually switch to the brighter side. Here’s an excerpt from my book, The “Perfect” Parent (link) that discusses this tool:

When we commit to reflect, it helps us redirect a situation in the direction of progress, which is growth. Why is a trying issue called a “challenge”? Because it challenges us to evolve and grow. Challenges are invitations for us to use our intellect to understand and redirect our emotions, to make better choices so we can guide ourselves and our children toward breakthrough emotions and communication. This is how we can reconnect with ourselves and our kids! By simply taking a moment to reflect on our own true feelings or behavior, we can enter wholeheartedly to reconnect with and redirect our children.

Rise to the challenge. Be open to explore the implosion before the explosion. Redirect your young troops, and reconnect with them by simply being open to reflect. This is what champions do. This is what leaders do. And you definitely are both for your children!

So when you’re feeling that parenting is so hard, Remember to switch—rise to the “challenge,” explore, reflect…and grow.

Here’s a statement that we all have made at some point in time while parenting. Some more often than others. But why is it that the most gratifying experience of our life is often awarded “the hardest job in the world” title?

Henry Ford said, “Thinking is the hardest work there is…” Parenthood is all about not just thinking but also feeling, not to mention all the physical labor that goes into it. It’s a Whole Body experience.  Our children and our concerns for their well-being challenge our physical abilities, our intellect, and our emotions. There are constant questions: from what diapers and formula to choose, to what vaccines they need, to how will they deal with the separation anxiety in preschool, to how will they respond to peer pressure in high school, to what college will be the right fit for them, to will they pick the right partner to spend their lives with, to will they know how to put their careers aside to make their children a priority, to will they be around to take care of us?

All of the above arise from a deep concern that I and all parents have about the CHOICES that they will (or will not!) make to benefit the new growth phases of their lives. The truth is that the more we think about our children and their future the harder it is for us. By worrying so much about them, we lose all this precious time that we could be spending enjoying the experience of parenthood. The “JOB” is not as hard as the “WORRYING” that nearly always comes with it.

Parents,

1. Do the best job you can do. Children will learn best by example. We are all the products of our environment. Focus on providing them a good, healthy, nurturing environment as best as you can.

2. Mis-takes are takes that are missed. They will be plenty more opportunities to make right if you or they have wronged sometimes. Mistakes are made to learn from. Keep the big question, “What can be learned from this?” right by any mistake that they or you make.

3. When worry strikes you, LET GO and FLOW. Know that, just like you made it this far, they will too. We tend to rob ourselves of being present by allowing our brains to over-think into the future.

– Allow the future to arrive at its own pace, unfurling its secrets when it will –

4. Treasure this gift of life and this role of parenting and LOVE, LOVE, LOVE! As Neil Postman said, “Children are the living messages we send to a time we will not see.” They are our messengers of love.

5. LAUGH out loud with them. Laughter magically pops suppressed emotions, yours and theirs.

6. Tell them you love them. EVERYDAY! There is no stronger affirmation than “I love you,” especially when you’re made at them. Love heals!

At the end of life, we are remembered by the relationships that we leave behind. Gravestones read “mother, father, daughter, son, wife…” not “CEO, customer service representative, President or homemaker”… it’s all about the relationships and amongst relationships, the words “mother,” “father,” or “child” come first. Because as hard as parenting might seem now, it is the most profound, concrete, gratifying, trying, and important job you’ll ever do.

Live your present with a clear perspective of the end and you’ll replace the words “hardest job in the world” with the “most loving job in the world” in a jiffy.

In Joy!

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