Roma Khetarpal's Blog, page 2

On Work-Life Balance

Mindfulness is key in creating work-life balance. Yes, we’re never going to find this balance — we have to create it.

Let’s explore the how …

Register here… https://bit.ly/mmmwithroma

The post On Work-Life Balance appeared first on Tools of Growth.

On Identities and Motherhood

Over the course of my lifetime, I have shouldered many different identities with those closest to me. I still do. First I was a daughter, sister, granddaughter, niece, cousin. Going to school I became a friend to many. In the second decade of my life I collected more identities—wife, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, mother. And then I spent the next few decades honoring those identities and roles—sometimes well and other times not.

As a child, being a daughter or a sister or a granddaughter required nothing of me. Just have fun! And be respectful. That was not difficult. My parents had a deep respect for life, relationships, and humanity. That was what I was born into.

But for me, as an adult, each identity had to emerge. Some part of me had to grow to meet the new label. As we get older we are challenged to meet our identities with grit, strength, courage, resilience, bravery—all under the umbrella of respect. In my teenage years I had to make the right choices so as not to “taint” the family name. When I got married, I had responsibilities as a wife, daughter-in-law, and sister-in-law. Every new identity called for an expansion of self and was met sometimes with love and other times with resistance . But it was all designed for the higher purpose of growth.

As I look back, I ask myself which identity did I enjoy the most? Which one swelled my heart with indescribable joy, and which one consumed me with the deepest fear, guilt, worry, and doubt?

Hands down, it was—is—motherhood.

Motherhood is our invitation to get over ourselves, to be open-hearted and open-minded, to deepen our roots, to shed parts of ourselves that no longer serve us, to flower anew – every day! Yes, every day! No matter how young or old your kids are, this work is DAILY.

I often reflect on the names my husband and I named my kids:
Nitasha: Nit—daily (eternal) and Asha—hope
Navin: New Moon

Even their names are reminders to rise above the daily highs and lows, to embrace hope every day, to welcome the newness that comes from changes like the setting of the sun or the rising of the moon. Motherhood is an eternal invitation to embrace what has shown up, to let go of what is no longer needed, and keep growing – all in the name of love. Motherhood pays homage to the unconditional love we have never experienced in any other relationship.

When my daughter got married, we welcomed her husband, Sameer, into the family as our new son. Now I had another new identity—“mum-in-law.” As with any other new role, I didn’t know what to expect. Two years in, he lives true to his name (Sameer—gentle breeze). He is kind, loving, respectful, and funny. He has brought new meaning to Mother’s Day.

This Mother’s Day, I am adding to that identity, because my son has proposed to the love of his life, Sabrina. True to her name, she embodies humility (Sab—all, Rina—flow, softness) with a presence that is larger than life yet as light as a rose petal. I can’t wait to enter this additional phase of motherhood with her.

Yes, motherhood can seem exhausting, yet it is the only experience that keeps us in flow. This Mother’s Day, I prepare to grow deeper into motherhood and through it to deepen the understanding of myself.

I invite you to take some time this weekend to reflect upon your own growth as a mother to your children, to children in your extended family, to the parents you might be mothering, and to the inner child that is in each of us.

I also invite you to join me for my weekly drop-in Mindfulness Meditation Monday, where we will honor the mothers in our lives and the ones we are. Details below.

Please register here… https://bit.ly/mmmwithroma

 

Have a wonderful Mother’s Day as you celebrate your own growth with this beautiful identity.

In Joy,

Roma

The post On Identities and Motherhood appeared first on Tools of Growth.

On Forest Meditation

On a recent trip to Big Sur, we got to explore the forest. Its majesty and vastness reminded me very much of life itself—mystic, ever-evolving, and colorful. At times on my long morning walks, I could hear myself breathing, and I could feel my feet gently treading the uneven landscape. This reminded me of my “good” days—ones where I feel balanced and charged with an “I got this!” attitude. Then there were times when I would hear the sounds of some creature, and I would get jumpy and fearful—very much like in real life, when we get hit with the unknown and the unexpected. In spite of this, we move from one day to the next, just as I was taking one step after another in my walk, sometimes trudging through muddy puddles and sometimes walking through the sunshine.

“Deep in the forest I stroll to hear the wisdom of my own soul,” says Angie Weiland-Crosby, author, artist, and nature lover. In this week’s Mindfulness Meditation Monday, I invite you to join me in an open-eyed meditation so we can tune into the voice and wisdom of our own souls as we walk through a forest, exploring and observing the outside while noting its effects on the inside, in our body and mind. This is a wonderful mindfulness practice to lean into as we navigate our day-to-day life—a practice that can cultivate equanimity, discernment, and joy. Getting familiar with these frequencies in our body helps us return to them when we traverse the unknown and unexpected daily challenges. 

I invite you to join me LIVE for Mindfulness Meditation Monday. It’s 30 minutes and it’s FREE. Please register here: https://bit.ly/mmmwithroma

All meditations can be accessed here for  FREE: https://bit.ly/TOG-mmm

 

 

The post On Forest Meditation appeared first on Tools of Growth.

On Silence and Space

Happy Mindfulness Monday!

Most of us just don’t practice being silent enough…or at all. We have programmed ourselves to absorb data from the outside and output it immediately. We want to be quick, efficient multitaskers. In many ways, as a society, this defines our worth — how much we get done during the day and how quickly we do it.

“Being silent or quiet is a waste of time!” AND “I feel like I got nothing done today!” are common self-deprecating statements that stem from the seed of the most common underlying human condition: I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH (if I’m not doing something). The busier we are, the happier we are with ourselves.

In order to convince you otherwise — in perspective and practice — let me first answer these questions:

What does silence offer?
How is it helpful and useful?
How can the frequency of silence and space enhance parenting, relationships and productivity?
What does the energy of space and being silent do for ALL of life – including nature?

I’m not answering these questions here of course! For this, I invite you to join me tonight from 8-8:30pm PST for my weekly MMM session — where we learn about mindfulness, practice a little meditation and start the week with a focused intention.
It’s SHORT, FUN and FREE.

The post On Silence and Space appeared first on Tools of Growth.

On Living a Mindful Life

This last year has literally forced all of us into confined spaces for extended periods of time. In our pre-pandemic, “old-normal” world, if we sat home for a whole weekend, we’d be sure not to sit home for the next three.  During the pandemic, our escape became binge-eating, binge-watching shows, and binge-Instagramming for the first three months.  As reality set in and the number of pandemic-related cases and deaths rose globally, we had to confront the fears that we had been escaping from.  And you know what happens when humans have to face their fears:  Yes, we break down. Religious people started turning to their places of worship for support and solace, while the masses online became interested in mindfulness.

Interestingly—and I’m sure it was no coincidence on a spiritual level—I was enrolled since December 2019 in a yearlong mindfulness facilitation (teacher) training at UCLA through their Mindfulness Awareness Research Center (MARC).  As word got around, and I shared this with the parents that I was consulting with during the pandemic, I repeatedly heard the following questions:

“What does it take to be a mindful parent when the whole household is in my face all the time?”

“How can I live a mindful life?”

“Can I train myself to be mindful in everything I do?”

“Do humans have the capacity to master mindfulness?”

“Mindfulness is great conceptually. What do I do when I have steam coming out of my ears because I’m angry with my partner or my kids?”

You see, most have us have the good intention to live a mindful life, but more than half the time we don’t act like it. We don’t know what to do in the moment. Would you believe me if I told you there is one answer to all of the questions above? By this one thing, you’ll be well on your way to actually living a mindful life! Once you have it down, you can share the love with your children, family, friends, and community.

I invite you to join me LIVE for Mindfulness Meditation Monday. It’s 30 minutes and it’s FREE. Please register here: https://bit.ly/mmmwithroma

All meditations can be accessed here for  FREE: https://bit.ly/TOG-mmm

The post On Living a Mindful Life appeared first on Tools of Growth.

On Being WOKE

Sometime in early 2017, I was in a hair salon with my daughter, Nitasha, and her hairdresser asked my opinion on a challenge she was facing. As we got deeper into a conversation about “the right thing to do”, K turns to Nitasha and says, “Oh my! Your Mom is soooo woke!”. Having never heard that word before, it took me a minute to connect the dots: Woke, Sleep, Awake! Ah! I got it! She meant awakened or conscious or aware or mindful.

I researched a bit on the word “woke” and believe it or not, it was first published in print in 1942! Initially it was a term used with awareness of issues that concern social and racial justice. In June 2017, it was actually added into the Oxford Dictionary! Today, in this age where wisdom teachings are everywhere, this word has found its way mainstream and is even trending. The current social and racial justice movements that have been in the spotlight during the pandemic have further popularized the use of this very cool word. If you look up the synonyms of this word, there is a lot of inconsistency among the different trusted resources that we usually lean into:

Thesaurus.com:  https://www.thesaurus.com/browse/woke Merriam-Webster:  https://www.merriam-webster.com/thesaurus/woke Urban Dictionary:  https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=stay%20woke  (THIS ONE IS HILARIOUS!!)

So, what does this word really mean in relation to our daily lives? In the mindfulness context, being woke simply means paying attention to the present moment with openness, curiosity and a willingness to be with what is. It means to be attentive and aware of whatever has caught your attention. Being “woke” to anything is a practice! It requires us to build a specific skill that finesses our ability to choose to …

respond instead of reactto be calm instead of chaoticbe peaceful instead of anxious

You got my drift. It is a space within us that we can go to check in – albeit momentarily – before we respond. It is a space within us that we can also return to when we feel reactive, chaotic or anxious. It is a space that we….no wait! I can’t give it all away!

For more, I’d like to invite you to join me this (and every) Mindfulness Meditation Monday to learn more about being woke and to experience your own wokeness and actually stay woke through your week, month, year, life and most importantly with your children and family. I’ll be holding your spot with open arms and a wide-open heart.

The post On Being WOKE appeared first on Tools of Growth.

On Emotional Legacies

One small emotion, and here we go … again! The mind starts to create story after story, moving from the past to the future, rehearsing, venting, screaming. The body first responds by trembling, feeling flushed, with sweaty armpits, shaky hands, and a raised voice that eventually leading to neckache, stomachache, headache—you know the drill of this drama that starts with one emotion. Then we blame the other—the parent, the sibling, the partner, the friend, or boss, or peer. Oh, my! Did I forget the first and most obvious target? Our children!

We entered this earth gifted with the natural ability to feel tons and tons of emotions, ones that help us thrive alongside those that threaten our survival. We naturally know how to contain, express, and share our “good” emotions but are clueless on how to manage our threatening emotions—the ones that take us down and dismantle our relationships and connection to ourselves and our environment. The saddest part is that we learned how not to manage our emotions when we were young and influenced by our parents and adults who took care of us; they learned it from parents. Emotional mismanagement is a legacy that we inherit!

I invite you to be the game changers, the avant-garde, the radicals—the new influencers for your children, your families, friends, and peers. But most of all, for the one Thich Nat Hahn alludes to in the opening quote, for your inner wounded child, who is waiting for you to teach it how to manage stored pain so that it can be released, making space for new love and openness.

This Mindfulness Meditation Monday, we will learn together and practice a new mindfulness tool that will support you on your journey of emotional management and building mental wealth. With stress, anxiety, and mental health on the rise—especially for our children—it becomes not just important but mandatory for us to be the pioneering influencers. It is our social responsibility, and we owe this to our children. It is time to renew the emotional legacy that we pass on to the next generation.

Please join me for a FREE 30 minute drop-in…

The post On Emotional Legacies appeared first on Tools of Growth.

Koan in Zen traditions

In last week’s meditation, I posed this contemplative riddle (termed Koan in Zen traditions) to the attendees:

I invite you to take a minute to read this question again, perhaps even say it out loud so you can hear your own voice dropping this inquiry into your subconscious. There is great power and unfolding in such contemplations – the ripples of which gently summon answers immediately and/or continuously over a period of time.

In this week’s Mindfulness Meditation Monday, I invite you to join me so together, we can observe, explore and uncover the feelings that these introspective questions, riddles and quotes generate in our bodies, mind and energy field. This strong mindfulness “glimpse” practice is expansive when explored and I can’t wait to hold this space of growth with you!

Please remember to register here: https://bit.ly/mmmwithroma

All meditations can be accessed here for FREE:  https://bit.ly/TOG-mmm

The post Koan in Zen traditions appeared first on Tools of Growth.

The Lake of Life

Many of you have reached out to get the printed version of this short mindfulness story I wrote and shared in last week’s Mindfulness Meditation Monday. I’m humbled and grateful by your request. This fills my heart and nourishes my Soul.

Here it is…

There was once a distraught man named Joe who left his family, children, and business. He was fed up with his life! His wife was always critiquing him, his children always complaining, his employees always wanting more. According to them, he was never good enough, and he never did enough. He was done! He headed out aimlessly on foot and ended up at the local park—by the lake—on a lonely bench crying his eyes out.

A complete stranger placed his right hand on Joe’s shoulder to comfort him. With that small prompt, Joe shared his plight: “I’m miserable, unloved, and unappreciated. There is no peace of mind in the house or business that I built or with the family I created.”

This kind stranger, whose name was Mark, asked Joe if he would sit in silence with him, offering him a magic solution to his chaotic life.

“What am I supposed to do in silence?” Joe asked.

“Just hold my hand, and I will do the rest,” Mark answered.

They held hands with their eyes closed for ten minutes. Joe was surprised at how much better he felt.

“If you’d like, I can help you every day at 6 p.m., said Mark. “My only condition is that you have to go back home every day.”

“So who are you? Are you a priest?” asked Joe, thanking him.

“Oh, no, I’m a professor at the local school,” answered Mark, “and I come here every evening to help people like you.”

“Every day? Are there a lot of people like me?” gasped Joe.

“Of course! Everybody is like you – myself included,” said Mark.

Joe agreed.

On Day 2, at 6 p.m. Mark said, “Hold my hand, and let’s look at this beautiful lake, that twig, that flower petal…”

On Day 3, at 6 p.m. he said, “Hold my hand, and let’s notice the sounds, the water, the duck, the bird…”

On Day 4, at 6 p.m. he said, “Hold my hand, and let’s notice our breath…”

By Day 10, Joe was a whole different person. Professor Mark had healed him. Joe didn’t feel a pain in his chest or have daily headaches anymore. His family and business situation seemed more pleasant. Life simply had gotten better for Joe.

On Day 11, he went to the park, but Mark wasn’t there. So Joe sat on the bench, held his own hand, and hung out with himself.

On Day 12, he did the same thing. It was a habit now. He followed Mark’s prompts in his mind and listened to the sounds of his breath. Mark still hadn’t reappeared.

By Day 13, Joe started to worry. The next morning, bright and early, he rushed to the local school to inquire about Mark. “What an idiot I am! I don’t even know his last name,” Joe said to himself, “or have his number. What am I going to do without him? Only he knows how to help me!” Joe’s mind games had begun again.

Panicked, he went straight to the administrator’s office, where he found out that Mark had passed away in his sleep two days earlier. Joe threw himself on the floor and started weeping. When asked how he knew Professor Mark, Joe shared his story.

“Are you Joe? We found an envelope on his desk with your name on it,” said the administrator.

“Yes! That’s me!” answered Joe.

He grabbed the letter and ran to their favorite bench at the lake, weeping all the way. “How could God be so unfair,” Joe lamented. “Mark was my only friend.” When Joe finally gathered his courage to open the envelope, he found a note that read:

 

“Dear Joe,

“There is not enough room in your mind for family problems, children’s issues, friends’ comments, or business catastrophes. These are not supposed to live in your mind. They all live in the lake.

“Your mind is your home and your only roommates should be the ones that God planted on your face by design—your eyes, your ears, your tongue, your nose. They are not there by accident. Keep exploring them every day at 6 p.m. and know that my hand is always in yours. At the lake, you are never alone.

“With love,

Mark”

 

If we keep exploring what we see, what we hear, how we speak, what we sense and smell, we can stay calmly connected to our homes—our bodies. Everything else lives outside of us, in the lake.

Mindfulness and meditation do not remove the debris from the lake of life. Don’t even try that; that’s a losing battle. The debris is part of the lake. But when we go for our daily swim in the lake of life, the practice of Mindfulness Meditation teaches us when and where to let the debris recede. It teaches us that when we are tired or feel caught up, it’s time to go home—to witness and enjoy the lake from its banks.

To access the full offerings of FREE meditations, please visit School of Growth here:

https://bit.ly/TOG-mmm

Register for Mindfulness Meditation Monday here:

https://bit.ly/mmmwithroma

 

The post The Lake of Life appeared first on Tools of Growth.

On The Lake Of Life

With the winter storms hitting hard across the nation, I hope and pray that all of you and your families are safe and well. If your heart and mind need a little rest and refueling, please join me for my FREE weekly Mindfulness Meditation Monday (MMM) session from 8-8:30 pm PST.

Last week, we explored mindfulness in relation to the nature of our mind. This week, we will continue to dig a little deeper into the mystery that it is our mind. Even though solving this mystery is the work of a full lifetime, what we can do is learn new and fun ways to manage our mind so we can start to live our lives through the lens of mindfulness and not mindlessness.

While I keep the practice of meditation anchored, supported, and stable, what I love to do most is make mindfulness fun and flavorful! Here’s a short glimpse of the story that I plan to share:

There was once a distraught man named Joe who left his family, children, and business. He was fed up with his life! His wife was always critiquing him, his children always complaining, his employees always wanting more. According to them, he was never good enough and he never did enough. He was done! He headed out aimlessly on foot and ended up at the local park—by the lake—on a lonely bench crying his eyes out.

A complete stranger placed his right hand on Joe’s shoulder to comfort him. With that small prompt, Joe shared his plight: “I’m miserable, unloved, and unappreciated. There is no peace of mind in the house or business that I built or with the family I created.”

This kind stranger, whose name was Mark, asked Joe if he would sit in silence with him, offering him a magic solution to his chaotic life…

For more, you’ll have to join our MMM community on Monday from 8:00 – 8:30pm PST, for a 30-minute drop-in where every week, we learn a little about mindfulness and practice a little meditation. Eventually, a little a week will take you a long way. That’s a promise.

Join us! Details Below:Registration Link:  https://us02web.zoom.us/meeting/register/tZMuc-iopzwpHtVLy9a7WxdQPp5MIJvBqPOP When: Feb 22nd, 2021 08:00 PM Pacific Time (US and Canada)Hope to see you tonight at the lake (hint)!Infinite Love and Gratitude,

The post On The Lake Of Life appeared first on Tools of Growth.