Roma Khetarpal's Blog

How To Train A Wild Elephant — Week 8

Last week I was so proud of myself for writing my weekly blog post on Wednesday and sending it out to my brilliant (and patient!) assistant by Thursday. I received a lovely thank-you note from her appreciating the early submission for posting. I promised myself that I would adhere to this schedule henceforth.

 

Then…this week happened! A week where I knew not head from tail, a week where the need of the hour showed up in my email inbox or the influx of text messages. In an effort to get it all done and do it all right, how I define myself showed up crystal clear! It was perfect because this (“defining and defending”) is exactly what the weekly assigned practice was in last week’s Mindfulness Meditation Monday group practice from the book, How to Train a Wild Elephant. Yes, my wild elephant of a mind was all over the place fulfilling roles and responsibilities that I define myself by – a mother, a wife, a daughter-in-law to my mum-in-law who lives with us, a mindfulness educator etc etc etc. Fulfilling my roles was truly my full-time job last week! The revelatory part of it is that I put these expectations on myself in keeping up with everything so much so that my kids could feel the stress in my voice and both of them called or stopped by to check up on me and give me hugs. 

 

I’m writing this post on a Friday – a few minutes past my deadline to send it to my assistant (So sorry, Kris!) – wondering if I’m living my one life that I have to live in a way that is aligned with my well-being. My biggest growth has always come from moments of self-reflecting, self-regulating and letting go of what I could not change or meet in yesterday, the day before or the past. In defending my roles, I pay the price of losing my personal connection with the present moment. If we are all busy “doing” because we have wired ourselves to be defined by and be defensive of our roles and responsibilities, we need to dive deeper into mindfulness.

 

I know I am not alone in this. I also know that all those that regularly attend these Monday sessions find comfort in leaning into the weekly practices of mindfulness. They give us pause. They give us calm. They reset our busyness habits to take us to the baseline of returning to our inner homes to rest and refuel.

 

If you’re intrigued to uncover more on this, these practices are FREE to access on my School Of Growth platform under Mindfulness Meditation Monday. Hope you feel inspired enough to join us in strengthening our mindfulness muscles as we lift the weight of our daily responsibilities and undertakings. 

 

If you’re a regular or a beginner, I’m grateful that I get to build my own practice with you and I look forward to seeing you tonight from 8:00 – 8:30 pm PST for a FREE mindfulness and meditation workout! Please register below…

https://bit.ly/mmmwithroma

 

Infinite Love and Gratitude,

The post How To Train A Wild Elephant — Week 8 appeared first on Tools of Growth.

How To Train A Wild Elephant – Week 6

“Stay close to your kids because they are self-harming more than ever before” –  High School Student

Last week, I had the honor of speaking at the William S.Hart Union High School District’s first Parent Forum for the 2021-2022 school year. This online event organized by the District’s Wellness Center Department hosted close to 50 parents. My presentation spotlighted the importance of  Mindful Parenting during this ever-changing pandemic — which has left both parents and children pivoting constantly over the last year and a half.

We all know that Mental Health is one of the biggest challenges we are facing today — especially for our children. My goal was to give parents a Pandemic Parenting Essentials (PPE) toolbox that supported parents with both perspective and tools to carry them through this ever changing pandemic. As always, I feel privileged and grateful for such opportunities that can make a difference in our children’s lives. The highlight and awakening came though from a conversation I had with a high schooler when I was prepping for my presentation. At the end of my exploration of the school climate from a student’s perspective and the challenges that our teens are faced with, I asked this teen if they had a message that I could relay to parents on behalf of their peers. In  their own words….

“This is such a difficult time. Most high schoolers are feeling the pressure of grades even during this pandemic — so they stop telling their parents or teachers that they are struggling. This makes us feel alone and affects our mental health. More than ever before, I see  my peers doing drugs and vaping. I know this is their escape. So please check in on your kids. Stay close to your kids because they are self-harming more than ever before. Please address our mood swings because we don’t always know how to handle our emotions”.

This is an important callout to parents to become more aware of what mental health is all about. Mental health issues are a direct result of not knowing how to manage our complicated inner worlds. Through classes and mini workshops I have spent the last year dedicated to offering parents tools and perspectives to support their children. This can all be accessed on my School Of Growth platform. If you are unable to pay for the classes, please reach out to me ( roma@toolsofgrowth.com ) and I’d be happy to offer you a discounted or free coupon code.

In addition, this is why I also host Mindfulness Meditation Monday — a FREE 30 minute drop-in every Monday at 8pm PST. Here, parents, educators (and anyone who feels drawn) learn about mindfulness and explore meditation — both priceless resources to understand our inner world, build our mindfulness muscle and grow our mental wealth. When we are better equipped to manage our inner world, we are better equipped to support our children!

This is also Week 6 of an eight-week session of our How to Train a Wild Elephant practice group! Each Monday we take away a practice for the week. To get a glimpse, you can access previous sessions for FREE here. Last week, we practiced bringing awareness to and noticing our hands. Thank you all for sharing your experiences on our WhatsApp group. If you are new to Mindfulness Meditation Monday, I promise you will never feel lost. Each session stands alone as much as it is connected to previous sessions.

Please register here: https://bit.ly/mmmwithroma

I’ll be looking forward to seeing your tonight.

In Joy,

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MMM How to Train a Wild Elephant — Week 7

Last Wednesday my nephew, who was visiting from London, stopped to visit during breakfast. My kids, Nitasha and Navin, were going to stop by on their way to work as well. That morning I was barely done with my shower when everyone showed up. I still had to dry my hair and get dressed. I’d been excited at the prospect of the visits the night before, but as I was hurrying to dry my hair, my thoughts seemed to shout at me:

 

“I need to hurry up.

“I need a minute.

“There’s no quiet time in my life.”

 

CRASH!!! As I rushed to put my hair dryer away, I knocked over a glass that was sitting by the sink. Shards everywhere! “Really! This had to happen now?” the voice in my mind got louder. As I stood there looking at the mess, within 30 seconds all the kids were standing before me! One ran to bring a broom, one grabbed the vacuum, and the third grabbed a rag to dry the water that had spilled everywhere. I just stood there observing the scene. How did they even hear this all the way downstairs?

 

 “Move away, Ma. We got this,” said one of the kids. (I’m not even sure which one.) After a few minutes, while I watched the mess being magically cleaned up, I “looked up” at the ceiling, and my mind went quiet. My eyes teared up, and my heart was full of gratitude and appreciation. I had entered the present moment with openness, curiosity, and a willingness to be with what was. That’s the classic definition of mindfulness! You see, as part of my Mindfulness Meditation Monday sessions, “Look Up!” was a mindfulness practice that was assigned last week in the sixth session of my How to Train a Wild Elephant  practice group. 

This is why I’m dedicated to learning and facilitating the practice of mindfulness. It shows up in what might seem like the “little stuff” of life, highlighting the importance of bringing our awareness to the present moment. This does not happen magically, of course! It happens when we believe in, commit to, and practice mindfulness in daily activities. But once our mind—this wild jumpy elephant—practices enough, the magic happens on its own.

 

In reflection, this turn that my mind’s voice took by simply looking up brought me calm, peace, and true appreciation for the blessings I have in my children—all adults now. It is this relationship, which is first and foremost anchored in kindness, empathy, and compassion, that fills our hearts as parents. Truly, nothing else matters! 

 

You can scroll through my blog posts or even experience the practices that we have done so far for FREE on my School Of Growth platform by simply clicking on Mindfulness Meditation Monday. Each session is separate yet connected to the rest. You can join in anytime! Or you can start by joining in (for FREE) today, for just 30 minutes. Simply click on the registration link below. 

https://bit.ly/mmmwithroma

Together, every Monday, we learn a little about mindfulness, practice a little guided meditation, and take away a practice for the week to build our mindfulness muscle. The side effect is a more peaceful and calmer life, leading to peaceful and calm relationships with ourselves and our loved ones.

 

Can’t wait to see you all. A big warm welcome to our new members who attended the parent forum presentation that I gave at the Hart Union High School District! Our mindfulness tribe grows!

 

Infinite Love and Gratitude,

The post MMM How to Train a Wild Elephant — Week 7 appeared first on Tools of Growth.

MMM How to Train a Wild Elephant — Week 5

How we feel about Mondays can depend on several things. If I’ve had a crazy weekend, I’m grateful to return to my Monday routine. If my workload for the week ahead is heavy, well, maybe Monday is a little daunting. That’s one of the reasons why I chose Monday as the day for our weekly mindfulness and meditation session. Whether we are coming out of a busy weekend or entering a busy week, Monday is a gateway—one that can help us let go of what is past (the weekend) and enter the next moment (the week ahead) with a mindful attitude.

The short meditations and mindfulness practices that we do together really carry me through the next few days and help with what we call work-life balance. One thing is clear, the mind-set that we want for our day, week, month, and life is ours to choose. Having a community to help anchor this mindfulness mind-set with is my biggest blessing. I continue to learn from you. Your presence at and dedication to attending these weekly sessions inspires me to dig deeper and to bring more practical mindfulness tools to you and your families.

We’re in session five of our eight-week How to Train a Wild Elephant practice group. Last session’s practice of “Secret Act of Virtue” certainly challenged many of us! Thanks for your shares on our WhatsApp group. Pivoting to the new practice of “Noticing Smells” was certainly fun and more easily applicable in daily activities. There’s a quote in some Hindu scriptures that says:

It’s a no-brainer that as we commit to inviting mindfulness into our daily routine, we build mental wealth and good health for our future. So please join me tonight at 8pm PST for the unveiling of another surprise mindfulness practice that we can weave into our week ahead!

Please remember to register here: https://bit.ly/mmmwithroma

You can also access all previous sessions here.

I’ll be looking forward to seeing you tonight.

 

In Joy,

 

 

 

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How to Train a Wild Elephant — Week 4

Good morning on this warm Mindfulness Meditation Monday here in Southern California! Last week, with heat advisories in several of the valleys that surround L.A., we had the pleasure of escaping to the beach for a couple of nights. Unwinding to the sounds of the waves, enjoying the blues of the sky and ocean, reveling in the majestic sunrises, and watching cormorants play and fish with the dolphins (watch the video below) was restful and truly breathtaking.

I also got a chance to catch up on some reading with Sadhguru’s  latest book, Karma, A Yogi’s Guide to Crafting Your Destiny. I reflected deeply upon his thoughts on evolution and transformation. He states, “Crowds can evolve over a period of time but they cannot be transformed. Transformation, as the word suggests, necessitates a form. Only an individual can be transformed….” How does that resonate for you? For me, I completely agree. In this time of abundance of spirituality, with hundreds of wisdom teachers easily accessible, we are evolving from our attachment to religion and rituals and leaning more deeply into wisdom teachings. 

Now, here’s the challenge we are facing. As we watch video after video on social media, our mind-set is certainly evolving, but not many of us are invested in a “practice”—a commitment to sit in meditation (or quiet) to experience the wisdom teachings of the inner world. Our differences in personality lead to another issue: Many of us cannot find calm or quiet in our minds, and that keeps us at the evolutionary stage. Practice is what infuses transformation. And if we cannot sit still to practice, the question is how do we bring wisdom teachings into our daily lives? 

This is why I’m such a big advocate of informal mindfulness practices, which bring the wisdom perspective into our daily life. We must ask ourselves:

How can I manage myself and not be consumed by life’s daily drama, emotional trauma, and the internal unrest (suffering) that it brings?

How can I be more calm, peaceful, happy, and fulfilled?

One answer to both those questions is through a mindfulness practice—on the mat or off it. For those of you who are part of my eight-week practice group from Jan Chozen Bays’ How to Train a Wild Elephant , you are experiencing the practice! Congratulations on your commitment. I’m so proud of you and grateful for facilitating my own learning and growth as I maintain these practices with you throughout each week. 

If you’re new to MMM and are feeling inspired to join in, you can access the last three weeks here. It’s FREE! Each practice stands alone and also is connected to the others. You can start anywhere, in any week, but remember, transformations happen when we commit to the practice.

Week one was on using our nondominant hand; week two was about taking a breath or two before answering the phone, text, or social media notification. Last week we worked on “See the Color Blue.” It was so much fun to share observations of that color through the week! I loved the images of blue planters, plates, candles, scrubs, ocean, sky, matching blue pajamas, rugs, paintings, side tables, and so much more! Thank you for sharing your sightings of the blue hues around you and also for sharing your internal expansion of the mindfulness muscle—which then impelled us all toward our own micro-transformations—as we stopped in our busy day to savor the many shades of the color blue. 

I can’t wait to see you all tonight from 8-8:30 p.m., when we will learn a little about mindfulness and practice a little meditation on this upcoming week’s surprise practice. Please register here…

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How to Train a Wild Elephant — Week 3

We’re coming up to Mindfulness Meditation Monday – tonight! Where did the week go?

Last Monday, we had a stellar turnout for week 2 of the “How to Train a Wild Elephant” Practice Group. In this 8-week experience, together, every week, we commit to a particular exercise that assists in bringing mindfulness into daily activities. There’s a particular peace in a formal meditation practice where we dedicate a certain amount of time (daily or otherwise) to observe the ebbs, flows, and pauses of our mind. But it’s a whole different experience to practice informally by paying attention to the activity of the moment.

How many times have you loaded the dishwasher with your mind elsewhere? How many times have you brushed your teeth while being totally mentally absent? By committing to a weekly practice, we commit to mind training, which is necessary to lead a balanced life. When we learn to understand and balance our inner world, we raise our children to understand and balance their inner worlds. If we don’t commit to this, who is going to teach our children how to build their mental wealth? This is a fulfilling way of leading what we call a “successful” life—whatever that means to each of us. When we become present, conscious, and mindful, we pay attention to our children with curiosity, open-mindedness, and a willingness to accept them for who they are. What could be more important than that in raising our next generation? 

Oh, but I sound much more serious than what mindfulness really is! While this responsibility of raising children mindfully can be cumbersome at times, building the muscle of mindfulness can be so much fun! 

In week 1, we practiced doing tasks with our nondominant hand! While our dominant hand is as old as we are, our nondominant hand is just 2 or 3 years old! Try texting with your nondominant or even brushing your teeth with it. The deeper lesson of this practice is to unfold new possibilities in our mind, to come to life with a beginner’s, childlike mind of openness and learning! 

In week 2, we practiced mindful pauses before we answered our mobile devices or returned a text. When the device rings or chimes or sends a notification, just sit there, take a deep breath and then respond. This gap helps the mind pause from the task at hand before going to the next task of answering the phone. It’s like a mind time out that reduces the underlying stress that we all carry from overlapping tasks. As the author of this book, Jan Chozen Bays, sums up, “We need to slow things down. We hear the ring. We pause to take one to three deep breaths, we let go of what is held in the body, heart and mind. Then we can meet the caller and the new situation with openness and clarity.” This slows down our heart rate as well, and mindfulness research has been clear in pointing out its heart health benefits!

Each of these activities is designed to bring us into the present moment, building our mindfulness muscle and core. Here’s the replay of the two  sessions if you’d like to start at your own pace. Or you can also simply join in on the next session tonight. Each practice stands alone as well.

To find out what’s in store for this week, you’ll have to join us! Can’t wait to see you tonight, on Mindfulness Meditation Monday from 8pm-8:30pm PST.

Please register here:Registration Link:  https://us02web.zoom.us/meeting/register/tZMuc-iopzwpHtVLy9a7WxdQPp5MIJvBqPOP When: August 23rd, 2021 08:00 PM Pacific Time (US and Canada)

For FREE access to weekly Mindfulness Meditation Monday sessions:
https://courses.toolsofgrowth.com

Infinite Love and Gratitude,

Roma

The post How to Train a Wild Elephant — Week 3 appeared first on Tools of Growth.

How to Train a Wild Elephant — Week 2

Happy Mindfulness Monday!

A warm hug to each of you on Mindfulness Meditation Monday. It is my intention to send out good vibes in the universe as often as I can. It’s a difficult time (again!) globally, and we need each other’s positive frequencies to build our collective resilience to traverse this time together.

This morning, layered on top of today’s COVID-19 update, I watched the news of yesterday’s Taliban takeover in Afghanistan. My attention became focused on one scene where mobs of civilians—with little children—were running to the airport in an effort to flee. My first feeling was sadness, followed immediately by empathy. I could feel the weight of both emotions in my heart and body. While I know I cannot get up and fly to Afghanistan to help out, what I can do is send compassionate and loving thoughts from my heart to those victims. Each one of us has that power. In order to tap into it, though, we have to free up some space from daily busyness and chaos.

This is where my mindfulness practice has served me so well. It has taught me to observe and manage my internal response to the various thoughts and emotions that arise in the speed of my life. It has helped me put on the brakes, slow down, be present, and zoom out of the chaos of my own mind when life happens with family or work. The side effect of this has been more laughter, lightheartedness, and happiness in this one life I have to live.

My intention with Mindfulness Meditation Monday is to support you in doing the same in creative, fun ways. For those of you who attended last week’s MMM, I hope your practice of using your nondominant hand in certain daily tasks was interesting and presence-infusing. If you didn’t attend last week, you can access the session here. If you don’t have the time for it, don’t worry, you’ll catch the recap tonight before I roll out the new practice for the upcoming week. Each practice stands alone and yet is connected to the thread of mindfulness practices. You’ll never feel like you are not with the group.

The book that I’m recommending for this 8-week series of Mindfulness in Daily Activities is How to Train a Wild Elephant by Jan Chozen Bays.

This week’s practice is going to be fun and challenging! It is a session that you’ll want to bribe your kids to join! I’ll be signed on 10 minutes before class (7:50pm) so that I can make some extra time for your shares. We will start and end the session at the usual time though.

See you tonight!

Please register here:Registration Link:  https://us02web.zoom.us/meeting/register/tZMuc-iopzwpHtVLy9a7WxdQPp5MIJvBqPOP When: August 16th, 2021 08:00 PM Pacific Time (US and Canada)

For FREE access to weekly Mindfulness Meditation Monday sessions:
https://courses.toolsofgrowth.com

Infinite Love and Gratitude,

The post How to Train a Wild Elephant — Week 2 appeared first on Tools of Growth.

Welcome back to MINDFULNESS MEDITATION MONDAY!

 

Welcome back to MINDFULNESS MEDITATION MONDAY!

I hope the summer months went well for you and your families. It was refreshing for me to take a few weeks off, but life has pulled me back in with a bang! Last week I was honored to be a keynote speaker at TIAA ‘s Total Worker’s Health Conference. There were approximately 250 sign-ups and more than 100 parents attending in person. Mindful Parenting is truly in demand at this point. I’ve been getting a lot of inquiries and interest from school districts again for mindfulness training for support staff and bus drivers. 

Unfortunately, as our kids head back into class, we are confronting the rise of the Delta variant of COVID. Despite half of the US population being fully vaccinated, in many states we are back to being masked indoors and are still grappling with some unknowns:

Will our children be safe at school?

Is it okay for us to start socializing again?

Will the end of this year and the holidays feel more “normal” than last year?

Will we need an annual vaccine booster?

Our capacity to trust and make decisions based on the current moment is something we need to keep working on. In other words, building our mindfulness muscle has to become a daily committed practice. 

For those of you who have invested a full year with me on Mindfulness Meditation Monday, I want you to know that I am proud of each one of you. As many of you have shared, the dedication and effort that you have shown has translated into strengthening your daily formal practice as well – be it 5 or 10 minutes. Remember, no practice is too short! Most importantly, I am thrilled to hear that each of you has enjoyed deeper connections with your children, parents, partners, and loved ones! That’s truly the best investment you will make. When parents are mindful, we raise our children to be mindful, think positive, and do good—for themselves and those they are connected to. 

Now it’s time to grow to the next level. Bringing mindfulness into your daily life—your informal practice—has equal benefits in building your mindfulness core. In my experience, bringing mindfulness into my day-to-day activities has been life changing, especially on days that my formal or sitting practice is missed or when my mind feels like a wild elephant! 

I wasn’t kidding about that! For the next eight weeks, I’ll pick my favorite exercises from this book, and together we will learn and grow. I highly recommend purchasing a copy of this book so that you can deepen your understanding and your practice. Parents, you will have a blast inspiring, sharing, and challenging your children and families to join in.

We will begin our first session on Monday, August 9, at 8 pm PST. Can’t wait to share this space with you!

Register here: https://bit.ly/mmmwithroma 

 

Infinite Love and Gratitude,

Roma

 

 

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On Choice

Happy Mindfulness Meditation Monday!

It’s true that our choices define us and our experiences. Life IS all about choices. Some online articles even claim that each person makes more than 35,000 choices per day! I’m not so sure about that number but we can all agree that we make hundreds of choices per day— from turning the sound off on our mobile devices when we are pinged in the middle of a meeting to not picking our nose when we are stuck in traffic. (After all, we wouldn’t want the person in the next car to see us, would we?)

Our choices affect us, our children and our families. Choices can be impulsive, subconscious, intellectual, or emotional. And then there are those important choices that take us deeper inwards — like entertaining a job offer or stepping away from a loved one or responding to a flirtation that questions our commitment to our partners. Where do those come from? How does our body participate in choice making? How can we tune in and take guidance from our inner compass — our intuition? How can we build confidence in making decisions?

If you’re curious and want to find out, join me tonight at 8 pm for my weekly, 30-minute, Mindfulness Meditation Monday session. Together we will explore choices and other life-affecting questions in both perspective and in practice!

Register here: https://bit.ly/mmmwithroma 

The post On Choice appeared first on Tools of Growth.

On Work-Life Balance

Mindfulness is key in creating work-life balance. Yes, we’re never going to find this balance — we have to create it.

Let’s explore the how …

Register here… https://bit.ly/mmmwithroma

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