Deborah Gilboa's Blog, page 44
February 2, 2015
Get Kids to Join a Group Activity
“Join the group!”
For some children this is a really tough suggestion. Those kids look at group activity, maybe even one they asked to do, or sounded like a good idea a few minutes ago, and they get scared. They think
“I won’t know what to do.”
“It doesn’t look like fun.”
“Those kids are not my friends.”
“Ack!”
Encouraging kids to participate is an important job.
If it’s your job, or if you supervise someone who needs to do this, get the 5 strategies that will make you more likely to succeed, and will help the child in front of you to learn the skills they need to jump into a group.
Participating is a life skill.
Kids and teens need to know how to respect the group, the teacher and themselves. Knowing how to join in, even when they’d rather not, is going to help them succeed in life.
January 28, 2015
Mom Talk with Denise LaRosa
Dr. G will join Denise to answer parents’ questions about bullying. How can we protect our kids? How will we know if a child is a victim of bullying? Or if one of our precious kids IS bullying someone else? Get these answers and more on Mom Talk with Denise LaRosa, or grab it from iTunes, Stitcher, or on YouTube.
Should We Let Teens Drink at Home?
Teens drink.That assumption is the one that most adults make. We figure teens must drink, so the best – maybe the only – way to keep them safe is to let them drink at home.
Responsibility.org, the blog for the Foundation for Advancing Alcohol Responsibility, asked me to weigh in.
Should we serve our teens alcohol to keep them safe?
January 26, 2015
4 Words Kids Should Never Say
Kids want respect.
How can kids get that respect from adults?
They need to understand what words adults can hear, and what words shut them down. Every adult has certain preferences – one of my sons’ teachers requires kids to speak loudly, one can’t stand it. Another wants kids who say ma’am, another doesn’t like it.
Some words, though, are “respect markers” for most adults.
Some words convince us a kid is “bad” or “good.”
Whether or not that SHOULD be true, kids deserve to understand how they are seen, and know that words they need to change those perceptions.
Give your kids this sneak peek into grown up secret code.
January 19, 2015
Teach Kids to Try Something New
“But I don’t want to!”
How many times have you given a child a gift or tried to interest her in an activity or game, only to hear these words? Kids often like the idea of something new a lot more than the reality.
Why are new things hard?
It looked better on someone else’s shelf
The commercial sounded great
I’m not good at it
I fell/lost/looked dumb…
How can we teach stick-to-it character?
Join me and Kristine Sorensen and learn five ways to get kids to try something new or stick to something after a try or two. Kids can learn perseverance along with that board game or pogo stick or music lesson – and that lesson will help them more than any one activity or skill.
January 13, 2015
Mentoring Kids with Intention, Connection, and Boundaries
Counselors make camp the place kids long to be. The relationships between campers and staff drive learning and retention each summer. So how can camps make sure that their counselors mentor and connect with campers without over-sharing or crossing important boundaries? Dr. G will explain the teen brain, and what makes 16-22 year olds such amazing leaders and educators for your campers, as well as how to motivate them to be their best selves in those relationships. Get practical strategies for avoiding common obstacles, and tools to keep those lessons fresh all summer long.
How Great Adults Let Kids Fail, and You Can Too!
With all the pressure on parents and educators to make kids happy, and see them succeed, it feels impossible to allow our kids to learn the hard life lessons. Dr. G will address this topic head on, making the case that kids and teens need failure in order to learn the ingredients of happiness: confidence, competence and strong relationship skills. She will empower adults to take a step back and allow failure, and foster effective decision making about the rare times we must step in to protect kids. Dr. G will give strategies to handle a young person’s failure in order to build the skills they need to find their path to success.
January 12, 2015
Change a Kid Behavior Now
Want to change a behavior in your home?
I often find myself wishing I had a magic wand to change behavior. It would be so much easier, right? The truth is, though, that each of us is an expert in behavior change for our own kids. No one knows better than you what will motivate your child to change, and what will never work.
How do you pick a behavior?
You’re an expert in that, too! You know – with just a little bit of reflection – which behavior will make the biggest impact if you could get rid of it in your home. This video, and the e-course I’ve created, will help you:
1. Choose a behavior
2. Find the outcomes
3. Make the change
4. Stick to it
The e-course, called Get the Behavior You Want System is available now, and it will make all the difference this year, as you work to get the behavior you want in your home, without being the parent you hate!
January 7, 2015
Parenting When Nothing Works
I have a 4-year-old boy who argues and defies us constantly. He screams, bosses his little brother around, answers-back, tries to take control all the time and can become very agressive verbally and emotionally (although never physically). We’re stuck because we feel like we give him clear boundaries, we’re very consistent with our consequences. We are warm and play with him lots but are also clear about the fact that we are parents and not his friends. And despite all this, we don’t seem to be getting anywhere. The books I’ve read give tips that make it sound like a bad behavior happens 2 or 3 times a day. In our household, it’s DOZENS. I can’t negotiate, explain, compromise, validate and discuss every time!
Johanna, Canada
You are spot on, Johanna.
When kids argue and defy, scream and manipulate, what recommendations do parents hear?
Give clear boundaries: name what behavior is and isn’t acceptable.
Show your love: not only in words but in time, attention and play.
Be in charge: don’t let him run the show.
You’re doing all of those things.
What should we do when nothing is working?
Look at your child. Answer these questions:
Has something changed in his world in the time that you’ve seen this behavior, or in the few months before that?
Does your gut instinct tell you that something more than usual developmental stuff is going on here?
Talk to other adults you trust, who know your child.
Do they see the problems you see?
Do they see the methods you’re using to try to guide his behavior?
Are you being consistent in those efforts, in their opinion?
If any of this guides you towards a new way of looking at the situation, that is great. However, if there is no new insight here, it’s time to look outside your circle.
Getting professional evaluation for our kids shouldn’t be scary.
Asking for help is often the hardest step for parents. Getting someone else’s opinion – especially a stranger – can make us feel that we’ve somehow failed our child. We worry that we’ve messed up as parents and that now we’ll be told our child is broken, and (even worse) it’s our fault.
Every parent I know worries about these things when they worry about their kids.
Reaching out for resources teaches great lessons.
If your son is out of control at times, that is a very scary feeling, for him as well as you. When you get help you are teaching him important life skills.
Resilience requires resources. We can’t conquer every challenge alone. Strong people know to get help when they need it.
There is no shame in struggling. Learning comes when we’re uncomfortable. Don’t be afraid of struggling or learning.
Love requires bravery and sacrifice. You love him so much that you’ll do whatever it takes to help him.
When you need help interpreting and managing a child’s behavior, your child’s doctor or teacher are good people to start by asking. If they can direct you to resources or services, wonderful. If not, keep looking. A child psychologist or behavioralist is a good place to try next. Whatever you learn about your child, you will all learn valuable skills for managing behavior that can help your son throughout his life.
Parents, have you ever been in the “we’ve tried everything” spot? What have you done?
photo courtesy of David Castillo Dominici via FreeDigitalphotos.net
January 4, 2015
Temple Emanuel, Mt. Lebanon, PA
Dr. G will speak to the parents and grandparents of Temple Emanuel about the 3 R’s of Parenting! Join her and bring your parenting challenges. Leave with tips and tools to raise kids who are even more respectful, responsible and resilient!
