Leila Marie Lawler's Blog, page 67

{bits & pieces} and cloth diaper troubleshooting

The weekly “little of this, little of that” feature here at Like Mother, Like Daughter!

 

I’m going to check in for real (meaning: include some baby pictures) next week. For now I want to give you a glimpse of what would currently be in my {happy} category if I ever had it together enough to do {phfr} (speaking of which – did you see Suki’s announcement!?).

To wit: my clothesline.

 

As you know, the Chesternest is quirky. When we were considering moving here, I balanced a few considerable drawbacks against some major pros. One of those major pros was this clothesline, pins included, installed on the porch. Now that the sun is fiiiiinnnaally out, I am cashing in on a longing that sat deep in my soul all winter long: hanging clothes out to dry in the sunshine. Every time I do it, my soul is filled with contentment. Seriously.

We made the switch over to cloth recently, and I’m loving it. I got a good deal on one big batch of Smartipants diapers via Craigslist (where I get All My Things). I have put a gift card to use to get just a few more. I think that, once the new ones that I’ve ordered arrive (they will be BumGenius), I should have enough to have both kiddos clothed in cloth but still only have to do laundry every other day.

Okay yes, I love laundry nowadays, but I still don’t want to do it every day. Since my goal here is less cost and less waste, it seems worth it to shoot for not running the machines and all that water on a daily basis. I also know that all of this will be considerably less fun when another New England winter sets in and I have a chilly walk to the dryer in the storage space rather than a sunny respite at the clothesline.

Now for troubleshooting: I have a few questions for those of you experienced with cloth. Can you help me out here? (NB: if you are not actively interested in cloth diapering, the following section will mostly likely be wicked boring to you.)

– The diapering station. It is currently in the nursery, where Finnabee takes a daily nap and goes to bed before the rest of us retire. So what do I do about changing the baby’s diaper when she’s in there sleeping and I don’t want to disturb her? Sometimes I’ve been taking the diaper bin out of the nursery before nap/bed time and pulling it out into the kitchen or wherever we are and having a small stash of cloth diapers out and about with me. But this seems rather silly. As much as I love the fragrance and think it makes a great accessory, I don’t actually want to be dragging the bin around the apartment all the time.

However, as I’ve mentioned, I don’t have a ton of options as far as using floor space in our (again, quirky) apartment. So I don’t really want to move the whole station somewhere else (there’s really only one place where I’d put it, and it’s currently an attractive sort of Little Oratory spot in our bedroom which I’d rather not displace with diapers…. but if it comes to that, it must I suppose. It’s not our main LO.).

Another thing that I’ve been doing is just having my wet bag handy during those sleepy hours and then emptying the wet bag into the diaper bin when the naptime is over. Maybe I should just have a mini changing station – like a basket with a few diapers, wipes, and spray, and the wet bag – near, say, my bed for those times that I need to change the baby when the nursery’s not available?

What do you think?

– Leaking. The first few run-throughs with cloth were basically seamless. Then we hit a rocky patch (that we seem to still be in, to some extent) with leaking wetness. Seeing as how the diapers worked perfectly for the first week, I don’t think it’s a design flaw. Are we talking a detergent buildup here? I have followed washing instructions and haven’t used any fabric softener. So maybe I just used too much detergent a couple times ago and it’s taking a while to rinse it all out? I use Tide Free & Gentle, which was listed as an approved detergent in a video that I watched right on the Smartipants website itself. Hm.

Any tips for me? Preferably ones that don’t include switching to a more expensive detergent?

 

And on to this week’s links!

Literature-related:

A quick, fun read: If Jane Austen Got Feedback from Some Guy in a Writing Workshop. Mainly, this made me chuckle. But secondarily, it made me think how important a canon of great works is. I would like to think that, had I never heard of Pride and Prejudice, and simply happened to pick it up in manuscript form, I would notice that it was brilliant and a lasting work of genius. But would I? I don’t know. Hopefully we can discern great work when we come across it, but it’s a good thing that there’s a collective memory on this topic to help us out, in case when can’t.


Since I have a policy of sharing almost anything Kristen Lavransdatter-related: Kristen Lavransdatter’s Crisis Pregnancy and Pope Francis’ Year of Mercy

Random practical items:

Some photography chatting and tips from a favorite haunt of Auntie Leila’s: photos tips from Under the Sycamore. From my mom: “practice them and then link up with {phfr}! – or just link up. :)”


A thoroughly researched piece on how important it is not to reward a mass killer with any attention: What Mass Killers Want – And How to Stop Them from the WSJ (the author is a friend).


If you are needing a boost, may I suggest unclogging your tub drain? Not to brag or anything, but I totally unclogged my bathtub drain all by myself this week and it was amazing. I went around mentally flexing my imaginary muscles for the afternoon. For the next time your tub gets clogged (for example, like maybe approximately 8 weeks after you have a baby, when your hair starts falling out): a video on unclogging the tub drain in five minutes. I’ve decided that, while I have no patience for instruction manuals, I have at least a little bit of patience for instruction videos.

Other lovely/interesting:

I found a lot of insight in this piece on The New Religion of Food from Word on Fire. The author makes a strong case that current food trends are taking the place of religion on many people’s lives, sometimes in an ironic way. I found the conclusion of his piece strange, however. It seems that maybe he’s ignoring or forgetting the age-old practice of fasting, as well as other bodily manifestations of our Faith (genuflections and other rubrics at Mass, for example). What do you think?


Very sweet images and a moving story behind them. If Jesus had been Korean: 20 Rare Paintings of the Life of Christ


A suggestion for a wedding dance song. Auntie Leila recommends the whole site as something worth checking out – thoughts on marriage from a kindred spirit.


Top Six Liturgical Quotes by Robert Cardinal Sarah, the Prefect of the Vatican Congregation for Divine Worship.

 

From the Archives:

Housewifely. One of my Archives favorites, and not just because I’m a line-drying enthusiast.


Also, from just about exactly one year ago: other pictures of my laundry. Because not only do I just love drying clothes on the line – I also love to talk about drying clothes on the line.


Picky Eaters, and the best Beer Batter Recipe


Auntie Leila gets into the very nitty-gritty on the topic of sponges and washcloths, etc. Because laundry.



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Surfing your day.

My garden isn’t huge, and even though you didn’t remind me, I tried very hard this year to plant only one type of plant in each bed.

I can’t have one big patch, because of the water patterns here on the hillside. So it’s divided up. In the picture above are the tomatoes, peppers, eggplants, zukes, lettuce, basil, beans, and parsley.

Down below on the right are kale, butternut squash (being attacked by something with the munchies, so hence the trellis with another little fence inside), and onions in the closer bed, which got drowned and baked so who knows what will happen there, other than weeds. I will try putting in some more lettuce soon.

And the scraggly row is raspberries which are coming along very well.

This morning I have two loads of laundry upstairs to fold, and this one little load out here drying (with a peek of the strawberries and asparagus).

It’s an odd day. Doesn’t it look odd?

Thunderstorms ought to be moving through, but they are holding off and suddenly it gets sunny. We need the rain! Consequently, the garden is looking a little parched.

I’m conflicted about watering. If you water, you only encourage the plants to be wimps. But if you don’t water, they will be scraggly. But if you do water, those veggies are costing you. But if you don’t water, why bother? But if you do water, it will rain right after.

What’s a girl to do?

I was working out here quite a bit yesterday, and I had a little thought.

You know that thing we do… most of us… clicking around the internet? I don’t even have to describe it to you. You keep clicking and there are more and more interesting, fun, distracting, or maddening things to read, listen to, watch, and CLICK!

Well, I’m not going to tell you not to do that.

That’s what the internet is for!

But as I was working, I kept seeing more and more that I wanted to do out there. And if I went inside, I kept seeing so many things that needed my attention in there!

Most of the tasks were pretty little — just like that post, “6 Things You’re Doing Wrong,” there were “Just Six Weeds Sticking out of this Low Planting!”

Or just as your eye is caught by “The Most Amazing Journalist Interviews the World’s Greatest Philosopher, ” when you move around your home (away from the computer or phone!) you are tempted by real “clickbait”: “Move This Pile Of Mulch and Accomplish Two Tasks at Once!”

You know? They were little quick tasks that actually didn’t take me long, but kept me running around. Just like a quick little video on Facebook that makes you think, and you can’t help watching it: “If I Put this Chair where it Belongs, I will Experience Satisfaction with this Room.”

You can’t do that all day — be “distracted” by all the little tasks that could use attention in your actual life — just like you can’t surf the internet all day (you can, but you would hate yourself). But for an hour or two, it’s a fine way to get things done.

You can do a lot in an hour. And what do you know, it keeps you off the computer!

The winner of our giveaway of The Year & Our Children: Catholic Family Celebrations for Every Season is Mary Keane! You should have an email from me as we speak.


You can order the book from Sophia Institute Press and receive a 30% discount for the coming week! Just use the code LMLD30. If it doesn’t seem to work, give it a little time to activate.


Don’t forget to read Sukie’s news and add your little bit of contentment to our link-up!


Enjoy Father’s Day and your celebration of the feast of Sts. Thomas More and John Fisher on Monday, and your celebration (with or without bonfire — but something!) of the Birth of John the Baptist on Wednesday (vigil on Tuesday evening!). Don’t forget to pray for our Supreme Court justices and for our country.

 

 

{pretty, happy, funny, real} –Mostly Real, with an extra large dose of Happy!

~ Capturing the context of contentment in everyday life ~

Every Thursday, here at Like Mother, Like Daughter!

Things are looking very {real} here at LMLD Midatlantic these days.

The Quack is doing a 4-month-long rotation at a hospital in Houston, starting July 1st. We’ll be in a furnished apartment down there, so now we’re in the throes of packing all our stuff up to put into storage.

I was dreading the move…but I have now reached the point where all I want is just to be THERE. Sure it’ll be hot, but I hear the AC is great, and I’m ready for this adventure.

Meanwhile, of course today was the day that our please-last-until-residency-is-done laptop decided starting was too great a task to consider. So it’s all phone pictures for today!

I hope I can check in soon and be more chatty, but the technology is not working right now.

 

We’ll drive down all together at the end of the month, packing light and heading out to see some of the South.

Then, after three months of living the Texas life, I’ll head back here with Freddie to find a new place and get it all prepared for a new addition to the family!

If all goes as planned, the Quack will join us just in time for a new Dino’s arrival in early-to-mid November!

Like I said, jumbo-sized {happy}! I look very serious here because of the annoying and difficult baby bump selfie — please imagine appropriately delighted smile!

{One more day for the giveaway!}

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Changing the world with a bonfire, and a giveaway!

{Details on the giveaway at the end of the post.}

Better to light a candle — or light a bonfire! — than curse the darkness.

I am uncharacteristically giving you a full week to prepare for something that will be wonderful. It’s a little complicated, but wonderful.

Next Wednesday is a high holy day (a solemnity). But it’s a day that has slipped out of memory, and I’d like to propose to you that we all do something to rescue it — for the sake of this world of ours, and to give glory to God in his amazingly detailed plan of salvation.

I’m going to propose that you have a bonfire. Or something as close to one as you can manage, if it’s cold, or too drought-ridden, or what have you, where you are.

So you know that the Supreme Court is going to be handing down a decision on the fate of marriage in this country by the end of the month, most likely. It’s a cause for real prayer, fasting, and repentance. Yes, repentance — because the poor souls who want to undermine the proper arrangement of things are merely taking to the logical conclusion attitudes, actions, and laws that supposedly moral people have lived with for a long time. Attitudes like approving of cohabitation and blinking at pornography; actions like separating the marital act from its haven, the marriage bond; laws allowing killing the child in the womb and accepting that a marriage can be broken without recourse — in short, doing away with all those walls that seemed so confining but really, kept the people together and protected the weak.

What did we think was going to happen?

We need to ask forgiveness. We need to help our leaders in the Church see that it’s their duty to be sorrowful for bringing all this about, or at least cooperating out of a false sense of charity.

Dear reader Sarah called my attention to the fact that next week has two feasts that are quite significant and germane to this very issue: the feast of Saints Thomas More and John Fisher on the 22nd, and the great Solemnity of the Birth of John the Baptist on the 24th.

I find this very significant.

We need to get ready.

Read this marvelous essay by Fr. James Schall on “A small Point of Doctrine.” In it he explains that yes, More (and Fisher) resisted to the death for something that hardly seems worth it, it’s so small a point — but is.

“We sometimes think that it might be nobler to die upholding the truth of the Incarnation than in upholding, say, chastity, as Maria Goretti did. But the truth is that Catholic teaching is a whole; the denial of any one of its teachings, when logically stretched out, undermines the whole order. And someone will always be found to stretch it out. Not only is this teaching of the coherence of the whole true on the revelational side of Catholicism’s content, it is also an integral whole on its philosophical side. Both reason and revelation belong together in one coherent whole. Indeed, we can say that if even one central doctrine, taught or understood as infallible, is, in fact, clearly untrue, the whole edifice falls. Belief would be no longer feasible.”

“More was a scholar who saw the intimate connection between mind and reality. He saw that the function of the Successor to Peter is to uphold clearly, wisely, and compassionately, the truths handed down to be explained and affirmed in every age. He saw that he must “witness” to this “abstract truth,” even if he must stand alone, and lonely, in an obscure cell to do so. Had his “witness” not been so firm, Henry might well have laid claim to rule, not only the city, but the mind.”

John the Baptist is a most opportune saint to remind us of the beauty of the intimate sisterhood of women (the meeting of Mary and Elizabeth) and the sacredness of the child in the womb (“For behold, when the voice of thy salutation came into mine ears, the babe leaped in my womb for joy”).

It helps us ponder the Incarnation and indeed the nuptial meaning of the human body.

His birth is celebrated at a time that has been called “Summer Christmas” — for June 24th is 6 months before December 24th (remembering that Jesus was born at the deepest night), and just after the summer solstice, as Christmas is just after the winter one.

You see how God shows us the meaning of “I must decrease, He must increase.”  In this way, Christianity takes the workings of the cosmos for her own, rescuing them from the grip of the pagans, who only understand one aspect of how the universe is made and can’t help perverting it.

Traditionally, Catholics have a bonfire on the vigil of this feast, the night of the 23rd. There are many lovely customs associated with the celebration. One is to throw any palms leftover from Holy week right in the fire. I plan to do that, for sure.

You can read about this feast on Catholic Culture: the bonfire post is taken from this very book by Mary Reed Newland, the writer who most impressed upon me as a young mother, the need to stay close to the liturgical year of the Church. I know you will love her!

How adorable is this old copy of mine?

 

Sophia Press has re-issued her book, and I’m giving away a copy — it makes a great companion to our book, The Little Oratory. In fact, in our book didn’t go to great lengths to include every liturgical celebration in detail, simply because we knew there is Newland’s book for you to consult.

My suggestion today is that you plan ahead to next week, as I will do. Learn about Thomas More: Read Thomas More: A Portrait in Courage, an inspiring biography that can be shared with the family, and watch the great movie A Man for All Seasons (quotable and definitely the Chief’s favorite movie ever!). Consult Catholic Culture for some ideas for your celebration. (The image on my kitchen corner cupboard is painted by David Clayton. Contact him at his site to find out how to get one.)

Maybe make the 23rd a day of penance and prayer, or this coming Friday. Really pray for our lawmakers, judges, and executives. Let’s decide to give up something that day for the sake of our country and our freedom.

Then, on the evening of the 23rd, have a great bonfire! Invite your friends and neighbors! Let the penance cease! Let’s ask John the Baptist to show us the way to living in love and justice.

This is how we transform the world!

{You will notice the cover is different from my new one — and you might be familiar with some of the photos!}

To have a chance to win a copy of The Year and Our Children by Mary Reed Newland, leave a comment below. If you share this post on your Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or Pinterest, leave another.

We’ll announce the winner on Friday!

 

{bits & pieces}

 

The regular “little of this, little of that” feature from Like Mother, Like Daughter!

So many links!

Education thoughts:

Why it’s okay to let your kids play with Legos. Phew. I definitely want to poke around this site a bit more.


I’m not astronomy-minded, as I have said before. Maybe you have someone in your family who is? This seems like a really great piece about black holes. Not that I would know. What do you think?


Tony Esolen with a little advice on how to teach your children (and you can find links to the 1000 Good Books he references — and more — here).


I thought of Esolen when I read  this post that Deirdre sent from Washington Post columnist Fareed Zakaria. He agrees on the problem, at least.


Louis C. K. on why his kids won’t have smart phones. This is from a while ago, and there is a little rudeness (bleeped out) –but also a lot of trenchant commentary on the human condition.


What about your own education? Are you getting married soon, or were you recently married? Do you wonder if you received good instruction? I met a lovely lady, Mattie, last year when I spoke in Colorado. She told me about the online marriage preparation course she and her family run — it’s approved in many dioceses and recommended by many clergy, including some impressive bishops. Take a peek at this site — we will be returning to it as Deirdre wraps up her wedding planning posts with a giveaway. You might not be able to wait that long! Don’t feel you have to!

History notes:

Germany’s oldest student finally gets PhD denied by Nazis long ago. And she didn’t just waltz in and pick it up, either — she had to study the intervening decades and pass her orals!


My favorite kind of historical artifact: everyday life in 19th century New Hampshire, filtered through the imaginations of a couple of young boys in their journals. I think these could be just the inspiration some lively contemporary boys might need to get started on their own!

Miscellaneously:

Kelli O’Hara’s quick change during a scene from The King and I, performed at the Tony awards — a little video for the theater-and-costume buffs among us (thanks Cathy!)


Is gay “marriage” inevitable? Rachel Lu warns against succumbing to a self-fulfilling prophecy.


I love Cardinal Sarah. His is a spirited defense of beautiful liturgy very much in the school of dear Pope Benedict.


What is the internet for, anyway? Perfectly timed photos of dogs.

From the archives:

Why I think you should make something beautiful


But don’t forget breakfast — practical tips to get you going.


Some concrete steps to take with your children to give them the blessing of purity.


Time to revisit the thoughts in this post: dating rules for teens?

Today is a beautiful feast, the Immaculate Heart of Mary! Enjoy!

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{pretty, happy, funny, real}

 ~ Capturing the context of contentment in everyday life ~

Every Thursday, here at Like Mother, Like Daughter!

{pretty}

First we walked on the hill.

And then it rained.

{happy}

I had the bright idea to plant strawberries with the asparagus. I read in one place that they are good companion plants, because the asparagus has deep roots and the strawberries have shallow ones.

It’s not super comforting when you can only find a bit of advice in one place on the internet, but I thought I’d give it a try, because the weeds in this bed were terrible. Since asparagus is perennial, it’s not easy to cultivate the ground around them. You are supposed to get the bed weed free to start with, which seems rather optimistic to say the least.

This spring is the first one with the weeds under control!

Now I have to convince the birds that the strawberries are not for them!

My last little handful of asparagus…

{funny}

So my desk is messy (and yes, there will apparently ALWAYS be a crayon on a mother’s desk!) and I promise to tidy it up, but note the warm fingerless mitts. That is how chilly it was earlier this week. FunnyNotFunny.

{real}

Things are still looking mighty puny out there. I think now that it’s finally gotten hot, maybe they will grow? And did you know that even though we had literally eighty-twelve feet of snow this winter, it didn’t amount to that much water? HOW CAN THAT EVEN BE.

A couple of notes for you:

Don’t miss Deirdre’s latest installment in the {pretty, happy, real WEDDING} series! There is so much collective memory contained in these posts! This one is all about being a bridesmaid.

Many new readers and even not that new have told me that they haven’t realized how much material there is on the blog. Do poke around the archives and the menu bar at the top.

This Saturday I will be at a World Meeting of Families workshop in Manchester, CT. Any Hartford-area readers out there? I’d love to see you! I will be speaking at the panel discussion later in the day, but will be there earlier to sell and sign books. Come say hi and ask me your Auntie Leila questions!

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{pretty, happy, real weddings}: Timeline of the Indispensable Bridesmaid

For the previous post in this series, click here.

I don’t claim to be an expert bridesmaid myself. I have only been one a few times, and I’m sure I made my blunders along the way. But I have witnessed my fair share of bridesmaid-ing, have been a bride myself, and have heard from brides about what their bridesmaids did for them. With all that in mind, I have put together a compendium for you.

So tuck this one away, all ye bridesmaids and would-be bridesmaids, ye unsung heroines of Wedding World.

Without further ado — the Timeline:

1. When she “pops the question.”

Consider your response carefully. When you hear “Will you be my bridesmaid,” you may be excited, flattered, and/or overwhelmed. You should know that the question also means “Can you be my bridesmaid.” For most American weddings, being a bridesmaid is a fairly demanding, time-consuming, and often expensive role (see all the below for further details).

For this reason, you are not required to accept a bride’s “proposal.” Distance, finances, logistics, family concerns… there are many reasonable reasons why saying “yes” is not the best choice. I have seen cases where women gave a bridal party affirmative despite having hesitations or being secretly unwilling, and consequently gave the bride a lot of grief throughout planning.

On the other hand, all the brides who have shared with me about their stellar bridesmaids have had a common theme: their bridesmaids went above and beyond. They wanted to be bridesmaids. If you can’t agree wholeheartedly, do yourself and the bride a favor by thanking her for the honor but declining, “since you would want to be the best possible bridesmaid for her and you’re just not up for it at present.” Don’t say “yes” unless you mean it.

Mary’s bridesmaids (including Andrea, at left) worked wonders to help this bride enjoy her day.

Be clear and realistic about expectations. Maybe you know that you’re not going to make history with your bridesmaid-ing performance, but you still want to be in the bridal party and the bride wants you to as well. That’s fine – just be up front from the start about what you can and can’t do (and what you can and can’t afford, if that’s a concern).

Also be sure that you understand from the beginning what she’s going to be needing from you, and then plan accordingly. For example, you could make it explicit that you won’t be free during the week leading up the wedding to help her set up, but maybe what she’s really hoping for anyway is that you’ll do some venue-hunting with her at the five-months-before mark. Discuss those things now.

Photo credit: Ryan Scott Johnson

2. The months leading up to the big day.

Know your bride, stay in touch, help out. Different brides will have different needs.

Bride A is planning a small, artistic, DIY wedding in 3 months. Bride B is planning a large, formal wedding a year from now and has hired 6 vendors and a professional wedding planner. While Bride A may need a lot of hands-on support, help researching and budget shopping, and an extra eye on her to-do list, Bride B needs less help with details and more talking-down, grounding, and stress-relief. (I’m hoping there won’t be any Bridezillas involved but I can’t make any promises. See my next post for my thoughts on that.)

Here are some items that come up for brides in the months leading up to the reception:

finding a dress ; dress fitting; venue; venue decorating; organizing the guest list; invitations; invitation wording; getting invitations addressed and sent; stress about relatives; marriage prep; officiant; registering ; rethinking venue decorations; price of decorations; Pinterest overdosing; finding a photographer; bridesmaid dresses; mother of the bride dress; venue rules about alcohol; price of alcohol; concerns about alcohol-and-a-certain-relative; mens’ attire; veil; shoes; jewelry; table linens rentals; RSVPs; first dance; purchasing wedding bands; bridal showers; concerns about weight; cake; flowers; flower girls; flower girl dresses; dress fitting ; rethinking venue decorations; transportation; friction with relatives/involved parties; planning for out-of-town guests; programs; seating cards; seating charts ; signage; ceremony music; ceremony musicians; reception music ; gifts; thank-you notes; packing for honeymoon…

… just to give you a heads up in case this is your first rodeo or you’ve forgotten.

Don’t ask her, “Can I help with anything?” Instead, ask her, “What is something that needs to get done now that I can take care of?” or “Want to assign me a task for the coming weekend?” Alternatively: Get her out for a drink or a walk or something entirely non-wedding-ish. Encourage her to go on a date with her fiance during which they discuss their future but don’t spend a moment on wedding planning…

So stay in touch and know your friend’s particular needs.

My friend Monica raved about how her bridesmaids Mary and Katrina supported her from day one. Photo credit: Nassimbeni Photography

Be a sport about the dress. You will see this on all the advice lists, and there’s a reason.

Probably the No. 1 way that bridesmaids cause difficulty for their brides is related to the bridesmaid dress. Some brides may try harder than others to make this issue go smoothly for their beloved friends and helpers, but the fact remains that it’s never going to be easy to please everyone. I don’t think I need to spell this out too much.

Do some helpful hunting, keep an eye out for suitable dresses on sale, give input where appropriate, stay on task if you have to give measurements or get yourself to fittings, acquire  the proper footwear, shell out the dough where applicable, and wear the thing. Don’t expect to look like the belle of the ball, because you shouldn’t, anyway. It’s worth noting that the more helpful and proactive you are in dress shopping, the better your chances for wearing something you actually like.

Tip: Keep any sartorial issues that you have on the wedding morning to yourself. No one wants to be the bridesmaid bringing down the bride’s mood on her big day, but if you’re whiny about how you look, you will. I once helped a bridesmaid spend upwards of half an hour zipping up her ill-fitting, uncomfortable dress… and the bride was none the wiser because that bridesmaid handled it like a pro.

Remember to smile as you walk down the aisle! Eyes up, bouquet at waist level. Photo credit: Ryan Scott Johnson

Throw her a shower. This is traditionally the role of the Maid of Honor. If you are the MOH, plan accordingly and communicate with the other bridesmaids to include them and get their help. If you’re not, see what you can do to assist the MOH in this task. If you are not personally throwing her a shower, make sure that either a) someone in the bridal party is or b) there’s a very good reason why not.

Start talking dates very early on to avoid scheduling difficulties. Schedule the shower at least a month before the wedding day itself if possible.

Tip: You (or another bridesmaid) are responsible for recording the gifts and who gave what while the bride opens presents! Later on, email her the list so she has a record for thank-you notes.

3. The week of.

Be a calm, capable hand on deck. Especially in the case of DIY weddings, there’s a lot that needs to happen in the final days, so do your best to be present for the bride.

Think ahead of time about your travel and accommodations if you don’t live near the wedding location. Flowers and decor are some of the big items that can’t get done in advance, so see how you can make yourself useful on those. 

Be proactive. Keep your eyes and ears open for things that need to get done, and then do them. Don’t raise issues unless you’re prepared to help address them or take care of them entirely.

If, despite your best efforts, you’re not going to be able to be there early, find out if there are any last-minute items you can help with from a distance (e.g., ceremony program, putting together tips/thank-yous for vendors to have ready, organizing something from the bride’s personal/professional life that she won’t have time for while she’s focused on the wedding… ).

These table number jack-o-lanterns at Katelyn’s wedding didn’t carve themselves! Photo credit: Hannah of Classic Photographers

Help her prepare for the honeymoon. That bag needs to get packed, her pet needs to be taken care of, she and the groom need a plan for getting to the airport, and you are there to assist.

Throw her a bachelorette party! This is a good-girls zone, so you know that I’m talking about an evening (or day) of classy fun. Based on the bride’s preferences, this might be a run around town or it might be a night in doing nails (we LMLD ladies, so far, have emphasized fun cocktails and quality ice cream at home, because ice cream is important to us).

However you celebrate, take some time to provide her with a “trousseau” (as Natasha calls it) and help her enjoy the days leading up to her wedding – her last days as a maiden before she takes on her new role as wife.

4. The night before.

Be a rehearsal MVP. Get there on time, making sure that the bride is also getting there on time and is in a steady state (remember: she should wear her bridal shoes if she’s concerned about walking in them and it’s good if she has a “bouquet” so she can practice the hand-off to her MOH). Pay attention so that you’re on top of your game come the morning. The bride will have nerves and may forget something, so she needs you to be doing your homework here.

Tip: Make sure that all members of the bridal party know the proper way for a man to escort a lady. The man offers his arm, the lady slips her hand through his hooked elbow, like this:

Photo credit: Ryan Scott Johnson

I die a little each time I see this reversed, but it’s a very common groomsman error! The indispensable bridesmaid must step in and ward off this faux pas, because no one else will!

Wind down, lights out. The bride needs to go to bed “at a reasonable time” (as Auntie Leila would say), and she needs your help to get there. Almost all the brides I’ve had the pleasure to attend on their wedding mornings were sleep deprived  because they were up late at the rehearsal dinner, completing last-minute tasks, or chatting with their girlfriends. At this point, she is likely feeling very lively and running on adrenaline, so she might not be aware if she is exhausted and is probably forgetting how important rest will be to her on her big day.

So help her out by taking the phone/glue gun out of her hands, tucking her in, and shooing away any interfering parties.

5. The morning of.

Prioritize breakfast. Don’t let her head into her big day on an empty stomach. Chances are good that neither she nor anyone else has thought about a good plan for the lot of you to get fed, so go ahead and get on that.

Tip: Yes, mimosas are fun. But rarely have I seen a bride even get a chance to raise her glass, let alone drain it. I have nothing against them in theory – provided there really is time for them – but just be sure to prioritize protein over alcohol. There will be time for partying later.

Cultivate calm. Even if the bride wants an upbeat atmosphere on her wedding morning (and check with her before you assume, as many bridesmaids to, that she wants it to be a party), there needs to be an underlying sense of peace, curated by you and the other bridesmaids.

Keep in mind that any other people present (photographer, members of the groom’s family, florist dropping off flowers… ) may or may not contribute to the desired atmosphere. The Mother of the Bride may be struggling with her own anxieties, as this is also a big day for her.

Tip: The music keeps the mood high a T-minus 4 hours, but at T-minus 1 hour it’s subtly making everyone crazy. Turn off the stereo well before dressing-time for best results with bridal stress levels.

Get dressed with plenty of time. While there’s a certain moment when it’s time to get the bride dressed, you on the other hand just need to be dressed by that time, all prepared for photos and for attending to Herself. This moment can be bit hard to pin down, so just go ahead and dress yourself as soon as it seems remotely appropriate to do so. In other words, don’t wait to be told to get dressed.

Photo credit: Ryan Scott Johnson

Have all bags by the door/in the car. Not only do you need to clear out of this space (whether it’s the bride’s home or a hotel or what have you) by go-time, but you also need to make sure that the bride’s things are all in order as well. Make sure you’re keeping track of your things and then make sure that the bride’s bags are all ready to go as well. Double check that she has her toiletries from this morning and that her honeymoon bag and getaway dress are where they need to be for after the reception.

Say a prayer with the bride. Whether it’s in the dressing room, at the breakfast table, or in the car on the way to the church, help her lift her mind to God and remember the focus of the day.

For more on the morning topic, see my post on 10 Practical Tips for a Calm Wedding Morning.

6. During the ceremony.

Have a tissue stash. You never know who might need one: the bride, the bride’s grandmother, you yourself… Be that clutch girl who has a tissue handy.

The hand off: one of the MOH’s key moments. Photo credit: Ryan Scott Johnson

Keep the bride looking her best. The Maid of Honor is responsible for arranging the bride’s train and veil whenever necessary Rule of thumb: be discreet, be reverent – but do what you need to do to keep her garments in place. If she has a long train and/or veil, this may mean standing up and taking a moment to gently arrange her each time she goes from kneeling/sitting/standing for a long period of time. If you’re not the Maid of Honor, you can play a supporting role by having those tissues at the ready – as well as other potential lifesavers like needle and thread, safety pins, facial wipes, perfume, etc. And make sure that you yourself are poised, since you will likely be ending up in lots of photos! (Perhaps practice that graceful knee-bend-when-adjusting-the-train.)

7. After the ceremony.

Smile like it’s your job. Because it is – when it’s time for taking photos. Be in the right spot at the right time, paying attention and facilitating a smooth photo session. No one likes to stress out about whether the group is gathered and ready for the photographer.

Keep the couple fed. Unless the wedding is very small and/or casual, it is quite likely that the couple will end up spending a significant amount of time “on” (e.g. posing for photos, greeting guests in a receiving line) without getting any food or refreshment. Supplying some hydration and food is a good idea here. Best case scenario: you obtain a sampling of the cocktail hors d’oeuvres for them on the sly.

Tip: Find out in advance whether your bride has a very long photo session planned for between ceremony and reception. If you can’t talk her down from this (the photographer is likely the culprit here; remind the bride that she is a paying customer and not at his mercy), at least have a plan for sustenance along the way.

8. At the reception.

Be a co-hostess. You are on the good-times committee. Guests will look to you to know the cues for the party. You will help to set the tone by directing folks to the guest book, encouraging dancing (grab a groomsman and get on the floor!), and including stragglers. Go ahead and do your best to break the ice among guests and keep spirits high. The bride’s family can only be in so many places at once.

Photo credit: Ryan Scott Johnson

Refresh the bride. She may need her veil stowed safely (it’s proper to switch out of the veil after photos and before entering the reception venue, although some brides may choose to keep their veils on during the meal), her train bustled (you better have done your homework on that one and know where the appropriate buttons and hooks are!), her lipstick reapplied, her stray hairs tucked away, etc. etc. Be by her side before her reception entrance and then keep an eye on her during the night should anything arise.

Run interference. Does someone have a question/point of business for the bride? They can run that by you, thanks (especially if you’re the MOH). Is someone misbehaving? The happy couple doesn’t need to know. Etc.

Toast graciously and memorably. If you are the Maid of Honor or have otherwise been slated for a speech, you have the opportunity to make a major contribution to the quality of the evening. Remember that half the gathered crowd – the groom’s side – may be relying on you to learn more about the bride – some may never have met her. Take time in advance not only to plan out what you will say, but to practice your speech at home or in front of a friend so that you can refine it, work out your nerves, and deliver it all the better on the day of.

You should aim to strike a balance between speaking about the happy couple and speaking to them, with your speech actually concluding in a toast — expressing a desired blessing that everyone else can get behind and raise a glass to. Most toasting guidelines stress brevity, which is probably wise – but I think that many do so in light of the fact that most people make boring toasts. Obviously we all want a boring toast to end as quickly as possible. Personally, I look forward to the toasts as one of my favorite moments of any evening and am heartily disappointed when the toasts are ill-prepared and short. A great toast can turn a fine dinner into a really fun dinner and rank among the couple’s favorite memories of the night – so I say aim high.

Tip: Do not start out your speech with the phrase “When I realized I was going to be making this speech, I thought…” Just don’t. Don’t start off by talking about what you’re going to talk about. Instead, just say it. For best effect, be sure to have your concluding line memorized.

This dedicated bridesmaid had a song prepared as part of her toast at Monica’s wedding! Photo credit: Nassimbeni Photography

9. Seeing her off.

Collect the goods. She needs to change into her getaway clothes and hand her dress and ensemble off to a competent party – likely you. When the time is right, be there for her to help her slip away and change, reemerging knowing that her gown, etc., is in good hands.

Bridesmaids can help direct guests to the restrooms – and of course duck back there to primp the bride if necessary. This one was decked out nicely for Natasha’s wedding. Photo credit: Coba Images

Double check. Again, make sure that the proper baggage has made its way to wherever she will be going/whatever vehicle she’ll be in.

Is the car decked out? If there is a relevant getaway vehicle, it ought to look like one. For the record, this is the responsibility of the groomsmen, so your only role here would just be to make sure that they know that at least a day in advance (many guys don’t!).

10. ‘Til lights out do you part.

Don’t quit til closing time. Whether it’s being cheerful through the after-party, making sure the guests pick up their favors, or helping the Mother of the Bride collect decor, you should plan to be one of the last to leave.

 

 

And now, please weigh in, dear readers! Former brides – did you have an indispensable bridesmaid? What did she do?

Bridesmaids – do you have tips and tricks to share?

Any further questions about being a bridesmaid?

Next in {pretty, happy, real weddings}: My one big secret to happy wedding planning!

Previously in this series:

Your Marriage is Your Gift to Others: A Guide to Registering

Google Docs Bride: the Virtual Guest List

The Wholesome, Good-Times Reception

How to get the Wedding Reception you Really Want

How To: Cut Back on the 5 Big Costs of Weddings

10 Practical Tips for a Calm Wedding Morning

Each Peach Pear Plum in the Library Project

 

Title: Each Peach Pear Plum

Authors: Janet and Allen Ahlberg

File Under: Read-Aloud, Picture Book

Age Group: Nursery-Rhyme set and indeed all ages

To me, the test of a good book for any age is whether you can read it out loud the required one million times without throwing it across the room. The test of a bad one is that reading it aloud even once makes your head hurt. There are those books that make you really cringe when your child brings them to you. And then there are the ones you just enjoy.

There are several criteria:

1. The actual words need to trip pleasingly off the tongue. It shouldn’t be a chore to get them out of your mouth, and it’s really a gift in an author to achieve “speakability.” C. S. Lewis came to appreciate what he called the poetic genius of Beatrix Potter when children came to stay at his house during the war. Little books that seemed nothing more than nice pictures and a cute story proved themselves to be masterworks of the well placed word. Reading them aloud — more than once — is the proving ground.

As we’ve discussed before in the crucial matter of nursery rhymes, rhyming, rhythm, and tongue-trippingness are essential qualities especially of literature for very young children.

As much as I love E. Nesbit, her version of Jack and the Beanstalk fails in this regard. It’s a pain to read out loud, not least because her giant doesn’t bother to say Fi Fie Fo Fum, and what is the point.

2. The illustrations must be well done. The child is drawn in by the pictures. The reader is going to spend a lot of time looking at the pictures. Much of what happens when you sit down to “read” a book with a toddler is discussion of the pictures. So the pictures must be good.

3. The story must be delightful, which means that it simply must contain something for the adult to contemplate. A dreary moral is worse than useless, but extreme boredom of the reader is part of the bungle. Best of all is at least a wink and a nod to the adult reader, along with total captivation for the child — which is what makes the classics classic — Winnie-the-Pooh, The Golden Age, Swallows and Amazons. The author gets bonus points for subtle or overt references to other books in the text.

4. Ideally, you should be able to discover new things in it, even on multiple readings, because where toddlers are concerned, yes, you will be reading that book again. Here is where text and illustration can create something together that is more than the sum of their parts.

In all these areas, Each Peach Pear Plum is a winner. We love this book. Love it. The illustrations are beyond adorable, hitting that sweet spot between instantly captivating and rewarding of intense scrutiny. The rhymes are timeless — your whole family can memorize the entire book and recite it on car rides. I think I can still manage it, and not only has it been years but I’m notoriously bad at remembering poetry.

It has a forward motion and rhythm that are truly inspired. It’s funny and cute and simple and just complicated enough. It will keep the one-year-old interested, even if he has yet to master Mother Goose, and the ten-year-old will appreciate the allusive qualities, discovering the pleasure of seeing the various characters come together in a new way.

It comes in a board book version — do get either that one or the hardcover one, because this book is a keeper.

What is the Like Mother, Like Daughter Library Project?

{bits & pieces}

The regular “little of this, little of that” feature from Like Mother, Like Daughter!

 

Not stopping to chat — need to get out there and dig, weed, mow the back, get the laundry down that was up all night (and got a little rained on, no biggie), trim, plant the butternut squash…

So on to our links!

When I hear homeschoolers say they will continue schoolwork through the summer, the kid in me dies a little. Do what you want. But if it’s math facts you are worried about, may I recommend having them play games instead? And I don’t mean on the tablet. Send them out to the porch after chores with this game. Don’t forget Parcheesi for those who just need to do some addition already (a super boring game that takes forever and can be lost in an instant if someone jostles the board — what’s not to love?). There’s Yahtzee. Little girls love playing with jacks — and visualizing the groups that make up 10 is half the battle in subtraction. I bet you can think of ones from your childhood! All way better than worksheets, I promise you.


Ever think of the technology that goes into modern textiles? Innovations in textile production have actually changed the world more than we might guess, argues Virginia Postrel in Losing the Thread.


This story about the most trusted zipper company in the world and what makes them so fascinated me. I liked the management philosophy espoused by the founder: “The Cycle of Goodness.” It holds that “no one prospers unless he renders benefit to others.” Something to apply to home life as well!


The 800th anniversary of the Magna Carta. An encomium to “freedom under law” in the Wall Street Journal.


The redoubtable Fr. Schall has a slightly different view in his essay in Catholic World Report about the history, contents, and significance of the Magna Carta. “At the 800th anniversary of the signing of the Magna Carta we cannot but be concerned by how much its spirit of limiting rule and providing freedoms and immunities has been eroded.”


And in other British history news, an old leather-bound volume tucked away in a library turns out to be of interest: “The book is important not only for its provenance but for the notes entered in it by Henry VIII’s advisers and no doubt intended for him to see. They draw attention to precisely the sort of issues that were so relevant to the king’s policies in the years leading up to the break with Rome.”


If you ask me, “youth ministry” should consist in family life lived in the context of the liturgical year (as I describe, along with David Clayton, in The Little Oratory: A Beginner’s Guide to Praying in the Home), Bible study, and studies in the Catechism of the Catholic Church. Families who enjoy being together and parishes that encourage family life will also have all sorts of wonderful activities that are perfectly normal and uncontrived: bonfires, dances (contra dances, swing-dance competitions, formal waltzes, square dances — whatever they enjoy), feast-day barbecues, etc. Most of these activities will include all ages, although some will be mostly one age group — but not all. In this post, How to Identify a Healthy Culture, Anthony Esolen gives a glimpse of what might be. I hope that in the posts here at Like Mother, Like Daughter, you get a gentle encouragement to do some of this yourself. The St. Gregory Pockets will help you realize this vision down the road, so do familiarize yourself with this blueprint for getting started. It seems so simple that you might not realize how important it is. This post by Jason Craig, How Fathers and Families Can Save Youth Ministry from Itself, comes at this nearly lost way of doing things with a strong critique of the “youth ministry” model and a lot of energy. Love it.


“What should you be creating that you aren’t, and what is holding you back?” Habou, who crochets awesome blankets for her grandchildren and great-grandchildren, found this story about a young black man who crochets on the subway in New York City (and elsewhere, I guess!). He’s the best. Read the story, watch the short video.


Looking for interesting follows on Instagram? How about calligraphers who post videos of their creations? This New Yorker article, The Calligraphy Stars of Instagram, certainly got me curious!


From the archives: I talk about the library of my childhood and give you some great book lists.  Your nine-year-old can be helping with the laundry! And an old one: Use what you have, buy what you can afford.


Happy feast of St. Norbert, the man who was knocked off his horse, lay in a stupor, and then went off to serve God. Pray for us! And a wonderful Corpus Christi to you tomorrow!

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Habou’s Pinterest.
Auntie Leila’s Ravelry.
Auntie Leila’s Instagram.
Rosie’s Instagram.
Sukie’s Instagram.
Habou’s Blog: Corner Art Studio.

{pretty, happy, funny, real}

 ~ Capturing the context of contentment in everyday life ~

Every Thursday, here at Like Mother, Like Daughter!

Congratulations to Heidi, the winner of a hand painted figure from Sue Dow’s In the Loft shop! Heidi, check your email for info on how to claim your prize.

For the rest of us, use the code LMLD10 for 10% off through Sunday in Sue’s shop.

{pretty}

We’ve got some catching up to do in terms of baby pictures, don’t we? I’ll throw them at you in chronological order, and I won’t even apologize for how many there are, because her grandmothers live far away, and who are we kidding, really? If there’s one thing I’ve learned about our dear readers, it’s that your tolerance for baby photos is very high.

Eleanor’s most cheerful, talkative time is often in the evenings, while we’re saying our night prayers. (you can see the candles lit at our little oratory in the background below, though for the record I’m pretty sure I waited until we were done before making the Capt. grab the camera.)

I think it must be the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. She’s bound for glory, this little one.

I like to think of this next pose as her “I’m ready to party!” move.

{happy}

The sweet ladies in my mothers’ group put together a basket of goodies to bring by whenever someone has a baby. They sent along some great bubbles for the kids, which of course we loved.

Tummy time is more fun when you’ve got company.

They love helping give Nora baths. As in, there will be tears if I attempt to do it without them.

{funny}

Holding her baby, chatting on the phone…. I wonder where she learned that?

(Please disregard the mountain of laundry in the background. I’m sure by now it’s been folded…)

This is how things usually go when I try to take pictures of the baby. Step one: realize she’s happy during daylight hours, plop her down on blanket/backdrop. Pull out camera.

Step two: big sibling thinks she looks lonely and/or poorly accessorized:

Step three: continue photoshoot.

{real}

We got a lot of storms and a lot of rain last month. How much rain? Four or so more inches in one month than we got in all of last year combined. The wettest month in Oklahoma history. Over six inches poured down in one evening, and we watched it rise until the Capt. waded out in his rubber boots at 10pm to help it all drain away from the top of the foundation. (It was close, but Marines are good at digging ditches.)

It was a wild month. Thankfully, our house wasn’t flooded, the roof didn’t leak, the tornadoes missed us, and all we really suffered is a bit of cabin fever and some root rot in our poor flooded garden. (See pathetic, puny, tomato plant above, photographed after the waters receded. Not dead yet!) Many others near us were not so lucky — there was destructive flash flooding all over town.

The biggest blessing of all the rain is that it filled up all the lakes and lifted the drought that this area has been suffering under for the last few years. Some of the lakes were nearly dead, but now they’re full and overflowing.

Compare: late April.

And the same spot in late May:

If I’ve learned anything about Oklahoma weather, it’s that it doesn’t do anything by halves!

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