Leila Marie Lawler's Blog, page 69

{bits & pieces}

The regular “little of this, little of that” feature from Like Mother, Like Daughter!

We have a great giveaway for TWO of you for this month of May! De Montfort Music has done it again — they have produced a beautiful CD (or download) of chant in honor of Mary: BENEDICTA: Marian Chant from Norcia

— which is so appropriate for us to give away now in May, Our Lady’s month.

Some of you had commented that as much as you loved the Benedictine Sisters of Mary CD, you would love to have men chanting.

Well, wish granted! In this CD, The Benedictine Monks of Norcia sing songs dedicated to the life of Mary. BENEDICTA (Blessed) has some pieces chanted by the entire group, some by smaller ensembles, others by soloists, making a vast range of sound and color in the recording. Check out the video above to get a feel for this devotional offering. It’s an amazing glimpse into their life of prayer, dedicated to God.

Go to the end of the post for details on how to win.

The pear trees are blooming… so sweet.

Actually they smell weird. But they look sweet.

They need to be pruned.

Can you come over here and do that for me?

And mow?

And start the garden?

 

Don’t forget that the discount on those beautiful beeswax baptismal candles ends Tuesday! Go here for the code.

On to our links!

Your tiny house fix. Fair warning, it’s also an Anthropologie promo, so adorableness/spendy overload.


We always have good conversations in the comments. Dear Kelsey brought up something on this post in which I shared Deirdre’s birthday dinner, and others have emailed me about: food choices, guilt, priorities. What to do? I did respond to her there, but I also wanted to share this interview with Joel Salatin, a guy whose take on all of this I really respect. An important point he makes: “Now that the high prices have attracted unscrupulous growers who enter the movement for the money, people realize that no system can regulate integrity.” No system can regulate integrity. This insight applies to many other areas of life, by the way. Nothing can replace common sense and a clear commitment to your own priorities, or you can end up driving yourself crazy or getting hurt. The fact is that people will maximize their profits, even in the most altruistic of causes. It’s up to you to resist as necessary.


From the New Yorker: The Problem with Easy Technology.  “We must take seriously our biological need to be challenged, or face the danger of evolving into creatures whose lives are more productive but also less satisfying.” I would say “our spiritual need to be challenged and to be creative” — it’s not that all of this is evolutionary, whatever that might mean. But a good read.


Are you on Instagram? Maybe check out this Tom’s promotion to give a needy child shoes?


Also in that post of mine, dear Annalisa lamented not knowing how to get started with quilting. Here are my recommendations: 1. Make a Pinterest board and post on it as many quilts as you can find that make your heart go pit-a-pat. Examine them carefully. Wait a while. Look at this board of Rosie’s. How about this one of Sukie’s? Also check out “related pins.” 2. You can look at my Quilt Inspiration board, which includes different tutorials as well, including this collection which I find very well done. 3. Delete the pins on your board that you now realize are not that great. 4. When you can’t stand it anymore, choose a super simple very small baby quilt or even pot holder to start with and get quilting!


I rarely click on those “heart-string” blog posts, let alone re-post them. You know me, not super emotive. But this one is different. Meriah has a child with Down Syndrome whom she was told had zero chance of survival, and she writes beautifully about her. She poses the supernatural question “Tell Me Why?”. We need to learn to let go of control, because it is limiting our joy. Read this one.


.


The Church as Culture: Robert Louis Wilkin writes about what really makes a society come alive. We wrote about this in our book, The Little Oratory, from another perspective. The main point: Living your life through the liturgical year transforms the world.

Happy continuing Easter celebration!

To win one of two CDs, enter your comment here on this post. If you go to the sidebar and sign up to receive our posts by email, enter another comment!

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Habou’s Blog: Corner Art Studio.
Auntie Leila’s Pinterest.
Rosie’s Pinterest.
Sukie’s Pinterest.
Deirdre’s Pinterest.
Habou’s Pinterest.
Auntie Leila’s Ravelry.
Auntie Leila’s Instagram.
Rosie’s Instagram.
Sukie’s Instagram.

{pretty, happy, funny, real}

 ~ Capturing the context of contentment in everyday life ~

Every Thursday, here at Like Mother, Like Daughter!

Congratulations to Summer, winner of the beautiful baptismal candle from Regina Candles! Check your email for information on how to claim your prize!

For everyone else interested in these artisanal, liturgical quality baptismal candles (They would make a wonderful gift for a baptism or even a wedding!), Regina Candles is offering our readers a generous 15% discount — just enter the code 15LMLD at checkout! The code works until May 12. (that’s Tuesday!)

{pretty}

These pictures are actually a few weeks old, which I wouldn’t necessarily note except that their subject has doubled in age (grace, maturity, wisdom, etc, etc) since then. But we have some catching up to do.

Also: I love baby yawns, especially when accompanied by baby stretches. They project “Golly, what a day! Time to turn in!” when you know full well that a) their day consisted of snacks and naps and b) they have no intention of going to sleep anytime in the near future. Love them.

Spring has been kind to us — we’ve had lots of sunshine and rain, and it hasn’t gotten hot yet. (The rain is especially important: our area is suffering from severe drought, and that’s after the rain! We were just downgraded from the “extreme” drought zone. And yes, between the tornados and the drought, Oklahoma had turned us into severe weather nerds.)

Our garden sure is enjoying the rain — we’re hoping our new plantings get established well enough these wet weeks to last all summer.

(I don’t mean to mislead you as to the extent of said gardens — these two little bouquets pretty much cleared them out. But we had a big storm coming and I didn’t want my gorgeous irises to get pelted by hail!)

{happy}

Speaking of enjoying the rain…

You may be impressed with Pippo’s Christopher Robin-worthy ensemble, and so should you be. It’s pretty fabulous. The raincoat and hat were a gift from his Aunt Natasha, and the boots are a hand-me-down from friends. (although they’re actually full of holes at this point, which makes them substantially less effective as rain boots. But as I haven’t found replacements for him yet, he keeps wearing them…)

When left on my own to provide rain gear, apparently I come up with something more like this:

And, in all fairness, the sweatshirt was a gift from her basketball-loving uncle. So I can’t even take full credit for that.

In my defense, I have spent all my parenting years living in drought zones. We just don’t have to deal with rain very often — in fact, for the first two years of his life, Pippo thought windshield wipers were nothing but a big joke.

Anyway, they had a blast out there.

{funny}

One dress, two ways:

Fabulous Easter dress: c/o Aunt Natasha

Sneakers: c/o big brother

Bib: c/o lunch

Sunglasses: c/o birthday goody bag (from last August. We pride ourselves on our good stewardship/hoarding abilities around here.)

Pez dispenser: c/o Easter Bunny

Clearly, Molly and I have a future in fashion blogging.

Not to mention upside-down read-alouds.

{real}

It’s been (understandably) rough in the sleep department over here lately — between an unsettled newborn and some uncharacteristically restless sleep from the two bigger ones, we adults have found ourselves descending into zombie territory.

I generally try to get the kids outside as much as I can, but between the rain and the newborn and the zombie brain, that hasn’t always been a possibility. So we’ve been doing a lot of dancing.

(By we, of course, I mean they. Eleanor and I sit on the sofa and cheer them on.)

(I told you I loved baby yawns!)

Molly’s current favorite dance music is the finale of the 1812 Overture, complete with cannons. The first few times she heard it, she burst into terrified tears at each shot of the cannon, but she kept on dancing. After that, she decided that it’s actually awesome (she’s not an artilleryman’s daughter for nothing, I suppose!), and it’s now her top request.

As a result, not only is Nora learning how to sleep with a bit of background noise — she’s snoozing right through the drums, bells, and cannon fire!

I, on the other hand, have Tchaikovsky running through my zombie brain 24/7.

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Baby, quilt(s), birthday dinner, chatty

I tried to be restrained here with baby pictures. Doing my best. I am the internet equivalent of that grandma who whips out the accordion photo keeper for all comers.

Thursday was Deirdre’s birthday, and the input she gave me was “shrimp… angel hair pasta… asparagus… lemon… creamy… ”

I did my best. The asparagus in the garden is not happening at the moment, but what was in the market was very fresh and appealing.

Here is how to go right over the top with this dish: I gently simmered the shrimp (which was nice American wild-caught) in a stick of butter, while their shells were simmering in water with the ends of all the shallots I had left from last year’s harvest. Then I removed the shrimp to a bowl and gently simmered the asparagus in the shrimpy butter and a little water. Removed to a bowl. Boiled the pasta. Strained the shrimp shells. Made a sauce with sautéed shallots, dried tomato, shrimp water, the shrimpy butter, cream, a little cornstarch slurried into a little white wine, FOUR egg yolks beaten in at the end (because I had frozen four together and so we had to sacrifice ourselves). And a little pasta water. And lemon! Enough to make about 4 cups of sauce.

Tossed it all into the pasta (which of course I had tossed with oil after it was cooked so it wouldn’t stick). Freshly grated parmesan over all.

Yes, it was delish. Butter, oil, cream, egg yolks… yes. Delish.

 

Suddenly decided these babies needed quilts, regardless of the quilt backlog (in the queue: two wedding quilts, at the minimum two grandchild quilts for grandchildren already here — working on it!). Tried to make quick ones.

I put Nora down on my bed at Rosie’s all wrapped up in the one I was finishing for her as she was returning from the hospital. I had made it from two of my all-time favorite fabrics, using them down to the last scrap, knowing they go with Rosie’s palette — or at least what we all deem to be her palette! After snapping a photo, I realized that this vignette is an explosion of handmade Red-Orange-Pink-Yellow — a veritable perfect storm of my crafting vision re: Rosie.

Needless to say, because you can tell from those pictures of his quiltlessness, I am behind on Eamon’s! But catching up…

Chat with me! What’cha got? {And don’t forget the giveaway!}

{bits & pieces} ~ Baptism candle giveaway!

The regular “little of this, little of that” feature from Like Mother, Like Daughter!

 

Today we have a giveaway that I know you will love. As you know, we try to offer you the best and the most beautiful.

Well! Are you a grandparent with a new little one coming along or a godparent who’d like to offer the perfect gift for your godchild? How about a lovely beeswax baptismal candle? This candle can replace the generic one normally offered by the parish. We are giving one away today! This is a $40 value that we are giving away to a lucky reader!

With baptism, the new Christian is welcomed as a member of Christ’s Church and washed free from sin by the Blood of the Lamb. A blessed candle is lit from the Paschal candle, the great symbol of Christ in every Catholic church. But — The little light of the baptismal candle is brought home but too often forgotten.

 

With today’s giveaway, the candle can be remembered and even placed in your Little Oratory at home, brought out each year to celebrate the baptismal date — and lit at Christmas, Candlemas, and Easter — or whenever seems appropriate in your family celebrations, including for subsequent sacraments received by the child.

These artisanal candles are liturgical quality, 51 % beeswax that will help families remember the gift of baptism. There are seven Christological themes from which to choose, and the personal details — name, baptism date, place of baptism — can be recorded on the candle. Each one comes carefully packed in a protective tube with a votive holder and suggestions for implementing annual baptismal celebrations into your family tradition. The candle is a beautiful and perpetual gift. (Go to the end of the post for details on how to enter!)

And on to our links!

So either this is just really macabre or… well, it’s macabre, but still, I think your boys will love it: How to make a fruit bowl from melted army guys! (By the way, I think it’s so funny that soldiers are really called “army guys” — like if you go on a military base, people talk about the Marines and the sailors and the “army guys”!)


I thought this article about autism from a father who wonders if it’s what we’ve been told — was interesting. Perhaps you’d also like to read the original article that appeared in a medical journal. I don’t know much about autism, nor do I have any personal connection with autism. But the subject does intrigue me, especially the author’s observation that fever and antibiotic use have been known to change the behavior of the child with autism, something I had never heard of. Thoughts?


Rosie sent this really incredible article about a Rwandan woman who saved a baby in the genocide against the Tutsis in Rwanda when she was a girl of 11. “We must all understand that being a hero has nothing to do with being dominant or so strong. Uwamahoro didn’t know where she was going but she took charge of another human being’s life at her own life’s risk. Had we had a million Uwamahoros, no Genocide would have happened.”


The redoubtable Fr. James Schall, SJ, on the “one small point of doctrine” that St. Thomas More was willing to by martyred for — and why it matters today and always.


Do you know about the poet Roy Campbell? An amazing character — convert — friend of Tolkien, Lewis, Eliot, and other luminaries — inspiration for Strider — and rescuer of the writings of John of the Cross. A must-read.


The wisdom and wickedness of women, by Joseph Pearce. Hitler made history… maybe making history isn’t always all it’s cracked up to be!


James Howard Kunstler is one of our own Joseph’s favorite critics. I was poking around his interesting site and found this post about his garden, which is of course very appealing — but read the comments for some gentle advice to him about his use of the land. Personally, I agree with Ginny — raised beds help you if you have “gardening attention deficit disorder” (her term, I believe). What do you think?


I always get a kick out of Victoria Elizabeth Barnes. She makes me feel so validated — and simultaneously a lot less crazy than she is — for my roadside finds, failed Craigslist purchases (hey, I didn’t get killed, so WIN!), and continually procrastinated projects. Here she is repurposing a square piano (or planning to) as a kitchen island! “It maddens me, that I have somehow, involuntarily, accidentally, not gotten the giantest available giant fancy thing.” Love her.

It’s May! Here’s a gentle way to start liturgical living with the saints and with the seasons, from the archives. Also from the archives, how to deal with picky eaters: hint: don’t give in, but do deep fry their supposedly hated food in a great beer batter, recipe included.

Happy Feast of the glorious St. Athanasius, defender of the faith!

************* THE GIVEAWAY! *************

To win a lovely baptism candle, just leave a comment! If you “like” our page on Facebook, let us know in a second comment for a second chance to win! (It’s also a great way to be notified of a new post.) We will close the giveaway on Wednesday night.

The winner will receive a lovely beeswax candle, carefully packaged — with a holder included! Remember, this candle can be personalized with the name of the person who is being baptized — and you choose the decoration. This makes a wonderful gift from the Godparents or grandparents, or certainly, if you are the mother or father, you can choose this candle for your baby’s baptism.

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Habou’s Blog: Corner Art Studio.
Auntie Leila’s Pinterest.
Rosie’s Pinterest.
Sukie’s Pinterest.
Deirdre’s Pinterest.
Habou’s Pinterest.
Auntie Leila’s Ravelry.
Auntie Leila’s Instagram.
Rosie’s Instagram.
Sukie’s Instagram.

{pretty, happy, funny, real}

 ~ Capturing the context of contentment in everyday life ~

Every Thursday, here at Like Mother, Like Daughter!

{happy}

Some of you kindly thought of pictures of me with baby Eamon, so here you go! We really don’t have much else to report this week. Cuddling, changing, running after Finnabee, and the usual round of normal activity.

Today is Deirdre’s birthday, which caught me a bit unawares despite all that modern and old-fashioned technology can do for my poor brain, so I will leave you with these pictures! Next week I hope to recap some various things in the crafting department, and maybe catch up with Nora pictures as well.

Besides baby excitement, there was also a little fun on Instagram that started when I had posted last week about various things including what’s on my bedside table. Only, it turns out that this is a thing! So if you joined me or others with the hashtag WhatsOnYourNightstand or WhatsOnMyNightstand, feel free to link your photo here in {phfr}. It’s easy to do — just follow the directions.

If you like, you can tag me in your photo (on IG) —  (@leilamarielawler) — and add the hashtag PrettyHappyFunnyReal (you can add those to your comment feed). It’s just fun to be able to find each other! And it is really fun to see what everyone is reading!

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A beautiful boy!

 

Announcing — Eamon Jude! Born Thursday morning to Deirdre and John! Nine whole pounds and an ounce over!

These girls of mine. Timing. Pace yourselves!

Ah well, it’s all good. We have a bit of a story to tell you! You know I went to Oklahoma to help out with Rosie (along with the Chief and Bridget) — and Nora came along nicely — you didn’t miss that in the flurry of Holy Week, did you? Then back here, where Deirdre, the Artist, and Finnabee (you know that is not her real name, right?) took up residence preparatory to the home birth they were planning.

In our area we have a wonderful midwife who takes care of many of my friends. She has delivered close to 2000 babies. (I mean, I don’t know all of her clientele.) She is amazing. Sometime I’m going to do a post on what it’s like to have her take care of you. Unfortunately I never got to take advantage of her expertise but I still have something to say about her. And Deirdre really wanted to have her baby with Cindy, no doubt about it.

Plus, my house turns out to be fairly ideal for this purpose, if you don’t mind things being old fashioned.

Can you make any sense of this at all? The key learning is that you can be using the guest room (on the left there) and have your birthing room (the “rec” room in the middle) all set up and waiting for you, accessible via the walk-through closet (which all my rooms have). Chances are no one will want to play foosball at that moment. I covered the foosball table with this thing I bought for $10 at some household goods store — it’s a round table top (folds up) that you put over a card table, say, for extra seating. It makes a perfect staging area for all the things you will need to take care of laboring mom and new baby. And then you can continue right through to the bathroom, where there is a non-glamorous jacuzzi bathtub —

IF you have time for it.

Which Deirdre didn’t.

And that’s the story. She went from zero to sixty like a Nissan GTR. Cindy is good, but she can’t apparate. When I got her on the phone, she told me, “I won’t be there in time — put the phone on speaker and I’ll help you!”

And so that is how I came to catch this speedy little guy, with John as heavy lifter and Deirdre as mama on a mission, determined and serene, really. The Chief and Habou did Finnabee duty. Thank goodness there are this many of us! Because that’s how many it took! And then Cindy did get here, phew.

No crazy car rides, no hospital, no IVs, no nothing! Just resting at home!

 

Two days later, Aunt Bridget (who is honorable Godmother-to-be) came to visit on a quick jaunt from school. This little guy is super calm and peaceful, secure in the knowledge that he made his entrance with enough drama to rest on his laurels from now on!

 

 

Such gratitude here for all that God gives. Who would have known? Who could have predicted? Amazing.

{bits & pieces}

The regular “little of this, little of that” feature from Like Mother, Like Daughter!

I’m not going to even mention that it snowed yesterday.

The never-ending quest to get organized: a 5-year journal, a grandchild journal (because I am really not going to remember all the birthdays and baptism days and gifts), and a daily post-it-note to-do list. All experiments. And a basket of projects and reading.

I was peeking into Rosie’s copy of Pioneer Girl: The Annotated Autobiography and my eye was caught by Rose Wilder’s 5-year journal. I’m not a journal keeper — can’t commit. Hence the unwieldy “system” pictured above.

But this! This I think I could do — just enter a fact or two about the day, as outlined in this blog post, and if you miss, there’s always next year. I pondered for a bit and bought this Levenger one (mine was a repackaged one, so not this pricey, but there isn’t that option as of now).

I could imagine something differently designed — more along the lines of the ones people make for themselves, with a spiral lay-flat binding, but I am not seeing it offered.

What do you think of the 5-year journal idea, vs. the open-ended put-all-your-hopes-dreams-and-deepest-thoughts kind? I always worry that what I actually did will be lost to the mists, in this digital age of ours. And yes, I also have Evernote, the notes on my phone’s “old-school” note app, and the emails I send myself.

Other links this week:

I have the Odyssey on my mind, and I happened to come across two interesting articles about that great work. This one is excerpts from the introduction and afterward of a new translation; this one is a speech on liberal education by Eva Brann.


Why are at least two Catholic dioceses requiring vaccinations -- even ones that the Church urges us to resist as morally unethical?


What would Chesterton say? Dale Ahlquist: He would say: It’s not gay and it’s not marriage.


Have a wedding to plan? Thinking about getting married? Don’t miss Deirdre’s series with all the details for a fabulous and meaningful wedding.


And if you really want to dust off an old document, come along with Auntie Leila on a journey through Casti Connubii, which explains what marriage is.

 

~We’d like to be clear that, when we direct you to a site via one of our links, we’re not necessarily endorsing the whole site, but rather just referring you to the individual post in question (unless we state otherwise).~

Follow us on Twitter.
Like us on Facebook.

Habou’s Blog: Corner Art Studio.
Auntie Leila’s Pinterest.
Rosie’s Pinterest.
Sukie’s Pinterest.
Deirdre’s Pinterest.
Habou’s Pinterest.
Auntie Leila’s Ravelry.
Auntie Leila’s Instagram.
Rosie’s Instagram.
Sukie’s Instagram.

{pretty, happy, funny, real} ~ Could it be spring?

 ~ Capturing the context of contentment in everyday life ~

Every Thursday, here at Like Mother, Like Daughter!

{pretty}

{happy}

It’s always good to get back in the groove after being away, isn’t it? All the laundry gets done, things get cleaned up and organized, and then some baking can happen. Home!

That cake is this one, the Meyer Lemon Cake with Toasted Coconut Glaze. This time, plain old ordinary normal grocery-store lemon, maybe looking a little funky since I decided to mix the coconut into the icing rather than just sprinkle it on top, but man, it’s so good. It makes a nice big cake and every one of us could eat the whole thing by ourselves.

 

I wanted to show you that the hydrangeas I harvested in the late summer still have their color! Isn’t that awesome! It’s probably what kept me sane this winter.

{funny because it’s an indicator, however minor, of the trauma we in New England have endured with our Long Winter}

What have we here?

 

A bed made with non-flannel sheets! It’s spring I tell you!! *

Here they are, ready to be put away. Yes, Bridget has flannel sheets with flamingos. The fabulousness.

{real, more Winter fallout}

We have a lot of cleanup to do for spring. Turns out it’s not that easy to take a picture of a screen, because the camera keeps looking out the window, but this is only one of several giant holes brought to our den not by the dog scratching to be let in (the windows are fairly low and she does that to get our attention, bad dog), but by the sheer force of the icy snow having built up and burst in, horror-movie style.

And I’m still working on repairing that vintage chalice veil. I am up to applying the trim, so the end is in sight.

 

The length of this project is mainly due to two things, both of which have the same root. First, getting the silk to replace the backing (which yes, was this violent fuchsia). It wasn’t readily available for love or money — color or weave. I was willing to go gold, but no, also not available. Second, my need — which somewhat outstrips my skills — to do a stellar job.

Third — yea two things have I to say, three are the things — it was one of those dimensional puzzles not susceptible to my underwhelming visualization abilities. Hasty as I am, I took out the old lining without really internalizing the way it was put on. Sigh.

But the root is this: the things used at worship should not be thought of as props. I’ve noticed that most vestments are not nice close up. Tacky. Low quality. Not made of real things. The idea seems to be that from a distance it looks worship-y. Like at a show.

But that’s not right — and interestingly, in the theater (or film), that’s not the thought behind good costume design at all. Good designers say something like “designs need coherence” and “the visual elements must be in harmony with the action.”

Of course, worship isn’t drama in the sense of entertainment or spectacle (although it is deeply dramatic). Sad that theater is more authentic at this point than worship — more integrated and more attuned to the unity of what is offered.

If a veil is going over the chalice — or stole over a priest — the textile in question is in proximity to the Mystery — to Our Lord. It must be beautiful close up. If it feels real to the touch (because it is real) and is made well — even if it’s simple, even if it’s humble — that will be better worship. The priest will be hedged round with material realities that speak to the heavenly ones. He will sense it. And then the people will also sense it. It makes a difference.

As I’ve been making my stitches, I’ve been conscious of all that. This particular piece (and sorry to keep bringing it up, but it is taking me a long time!) happens to be fairly ornate. It doesn’t have to be. But it does have to be well made, through and through. Even on the back. And it has to be beautiful. That is all.

_______

*(Yes, I am juuuust at the end of Persuasion, because cycling through my Austen every year makes me happy. Under that is my Kindle with the biography of Churchill that kept me company in three airports recently. Under that, well, that’s what the Chief calls my “black hole.” One of three piles of books on my night table. How about you?)

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{pretty, happy, real weddings}: Your marriage is your gift to others; a Guide to Registering

To see the previous post in this series, click here.

 

At LMLD, we want to encourage brides and brides-to-be to focus on the vocation of marriage rather than what can become the utter insanity of wedding planning and veritable flood of material things.

However, the vocation of marriage does involve material things. It doesn’t make sense to overlook them entirely.

You see, I have encountered those who think that the vocation or spiritual aspect of marriage actually precludes caring about material details… to the point that it seems wrong to them to set up a wedding registry.

I do understand this position, especially as a reaction against what, frankly, can be greed on display in a tidy and teal-bow-packaged published list of requests for stuff. “Remind us,” we might think, “why the fact that you’re getting married means you get to ask us to give you specific stuff? Isn’t it enough that we’re going to set aside time to come to your party, sometimes traveling a fair distance to do so?” Seen from a certain light, this certainly seems selfish on the part of the happy couple.

I want to make a case, however, for the value of the wedding registry.* And it has everything to do with the true vocation of marriage.

On a very practical note, our culture now has a strong custom of gift-giving at weddings (the registry as we know it dates back to the 1920s). Most wedding guests want to give a gift. Setting up a registry is, more often than not, a service to your guests. They want to know your needs and desires, and they themselves need a guide as to what your taste is, what you’ve already been given, and what you need.

If, in the 21st century, you decide not to set up a registry, that in itself is not a sufficient signal that you don’t want or need anything. Your guests will still come bearing gifts, they’re just more likely to be gifts that don’t coordinate with each other, that were confusing for your guests to purchase, and that you will later wish you could exchange for other, more useful things.

The fact that your guests want to bring gifts is a sign of what your marriage is actually all about. It’s not because you are owed the world on your “special day.” It’s because your marriage not only good for you, it’s good for those around you, too. It is your gift to the community and the community’s gift back to you is to provide you with support, both spiritual and material. It goes both ways – because marriage is a public institution.

Guests show their support by giving gifts… (and by dancing in the conga line). Photo credit: Ashley Landgraf

When you publicly make vows to your spouse to love and honor til death do you part, you are promising him and the community that you will embark on the mission of family life, which is not a task to be undertaken in a vacuum.

You need witnesses because this matter is not just between the two of you. Your loved ones gather to bear witness to the beginning of a new household, a new family, a new unit of society.

You are committing to be stable, to make a home, to bring forth new life. They are providing the context for that commitment. You are vowing to take part in and be true to the most elemental and important institution for the flourishing of mankind. They are reciprocating with gestures of thanks and solidarity in light of such an important choice.

Your guests know – on some level – that they need you and your mission. Without brave, starry-eyed couples to take on this mission, where would we be as a society? And you know – or at least you ought to know – that you need them to help you persevere in this mission.

When they witness to your wedding and bring you a gift, they are investing in your future and the future of the community.

The reception, with its meal and celebration, is your way of sharing your joy and showing gratitude. Your guests’ gifts are their way of saying, “thank you, and we’re here for you.”

In a way, it could be selfish to decline the gifts they want to give you, the gifts that are a sign of how they’re in this with you and want to see to it that you’re off to a good start.

I am a big fan of my immersion blender set, which I use frequently and – bonus! – comes in lots of fun colors. Source: Amazon.

So the material goods that are part of the marriage celebration are a very fitting accompaniment to the unseen aspects of the wedding. They flesh out the big picture that the wedding is about more than just the “big day,” it’s about a whole lifetime together and future lifetimes that will arise from the marriage. A set of attractive dishes means, “may meals in your home nourish body and mind.” A gift of bedding says “may your home be a place of comfort and rest.” And gift of candlesticks means, “may your home be a place of warmth and hospitality.”

All these things come back full circle to the good of the community: the gifts help to set you up to be not just a couple, but a household that will benefit friend and stranger, someday perhaps welcoming in a time of need the very people who were there on your wedding day to get you started in the first place.

Now, of course, if you are approaching your marriage badly, not actually committed to it being permanent, or life-giving, then a wedding registry really is quite selfish. I can’t see any reason why your community should make sacrifices to invest in a relationship which doesn’t promise to be for the good of society; I don’t even know why they’d want to come to your wedding. The whole idea behind this give-and-take between the couple and all their loved ones is predicated upon the faithful, life-giving, institutional nature of marriage.

 Some gifts go beyond the registry. Our dear friend Annie set out the squares to a quilt she made for us in our wedding colors, and it functioned as our guest book. Later, she assembled it and sent it to us as a complete quilt; we still enjoy spreading it out and reading it over. Photo credit: Ashley Landgraf

All that being said, here are some (hopefully) helpful dos and don’ts when it comes to registering: 

1. Do register for gifts that will be useful in the long run. Remember, you are planning on being with your spouse until death parts you; plan on furnishing your home with things that will last at least a good bit of the way. Don’t have your guests buy you something that is going to serve you well for a year or two and then give out/become too small/break/be hopelessly dated. Better to receive one gift of high quality (friends can always go in on something together!) than three cheap ones.

2. Do form your registry with a sense of what is appropriate to your way of life. One genuinely selfish way to approach a wedding registry might be to ask for things that are far out of your price range and that of your guests. Now, some guests are able to contribute more than others and different communities have different standards. So there’s no one-size-fits-all on this one. It’s for you to determine what things you need in order to set up a home that is both practical and modest and hospitable and beautiful. If you would never ever get it for yourself because it simply doesn’t fit the kind of life you and your spouse will lead, then it probably isn’t suitable to ask someone else to get it for you.

This Lodge Logic skillet will be in it for the long haul, in sickness and in health.

3. Don’t make your registry too generic. If you register only for the very simplest of basics – all white towels, glass dishes, and stainless steel appliances – your guests won’t have a sense of your style (unless you really do want to be surrounded only by white and steel, in which case I don’t know what to tell you). Try to include at least a few things that give a hint towards your favorite colors, motifs, and patterns. Most people will be more excited about buying you something basic along with something a bit more personal and exciting, so let your registry give them a sense of what sorts of other things you’d like too (lest you end up with their sense of personal instead of your own).

Pro tip: the Mother of the Bride or Maid of Honor (or some other person who will be in contact with guests) can also facilitate by telling friends and family more about your tastes if you’re not able to represent them thoroughly on your registry.

4. Do register for things that will make your home hospitable and help you give back to your community. Every item should go directly or indirectly towards hospitality. Some may object to couples registering for fine china; but it’s the fine china that they will use to serve meals to others at holidays. High-quality pillows for the master bedroom might not immediately bring service to others to mind — but husband and wife should get a good night’s sleep in an honored place, and better that they be provided those things as a gift than that they don’t have a proper bed or pay repeatedly for cheaper goods over the long run. If you can’t see a way that the item will help your home be a gift to your family and others, don’t add it to the list.

 

Whatever you do, don’t forget the quintessential ice cream scoop!

5. Don’t fall for the “honeymoon registry.” We strongly recommend against the recent trend to register for “experiences.” There is a very real risk, with many couples marrying later and, for a variety of reasons, not having much need for the community’s support as far as home furnishing goes, that the bride and groom might lose sight of the point of the registry. Chances are very good that you will receive some amount of cash among your wedding gifts, and of course you can designate that money for whatever you want, including your honeymoon. Family and friends should support and encourage you getting away on a honeymoon, but let their gift/financial contributions be towards your household.

A modest registry, no matter your state of life:

Modesty is relative. Anyone can be greedy or stingy, no matter their income. What constitutes appropriate gift requests in your circle of loved ones may be very different from what is appropriate in mine. But no matter your place in life, recall that the registry is about your community setting you on your way to make a household and a family that will give back.



If you’re starting off with nothing, as, say, fresh college graduates who’ve never had to furnish spaces of your own, consider focusing on high-quality basics. It would be a mistake to come away from your wedding with lots of crystal and china for which you don’t have a use, and find you have nothing to cook with or sit on. Yes, ask for some special-occasion things that your family can enjoy always and you can pass on to your children, but remember your current needs, too!

Duralex Picardie tumblers have served our families well over the years. The tempered glass doesn’t break under usual conditions of even large numbers of rowdy children.

If you’re already well-equipped, and have basic needs of bed and board covered, consider requesting items that will enhance your home, but don’t go overboard. Gift cards to favorite stores might be a good option for your guests. If you find that there is very little that you need or want, keep your registry brief and perhaps suggest a favorite charity for a donation option.

A $759.95 “reclaimed rustic chicken coop” is probably pushing it. Source: Williams Sonoma

If you’re more than comfortable, consider making a clear statement along with your invitations that gifts are not necessary and suggest a favorite charity for a donation option. I like this option because it balances a desire for modest living with an appreciation for the role that gifts play at a wedding celebration; donations can be made in honor of the event of your wedding.

And now a question for our married readers: what was your favorite gift that you registered for? What has served you the best over the years of your marriage, that you’d recommend to a young bride that she register for?

Wedding guests: do you have a go-to gift that you find is always a good choice and well appreciated by brides and grooms? Do tell!

——–

*Now, I admit that, for a while, I was not 100% on top of my own wedding registry. It wasn’t high on my priority list while wedding planning, and it was only at the persistent instigation of my dear friend and bridesmaid Lauren that I finally got mine started at last. I can still remember her saying over the phone, “Dee! You need to register!” And I pretty much laughed her off until she made a trip to come see me and sit down with me and the laptop to get going.

Nonetheless, I did appreciate that it was a good idea and that there were good reasons behind it. Once I got it started, I actually enjoyed the process. I didn’t want to commit to one particular store and I didn’t have the time for much window shopping.

So it worked well for me to set up an account on MyRegistry.com and do all of my registering online (Amazon was one of my major sources, and I enjoyed researching through reviews for opinions on the best kitchen equipment, etc.). I think the one item that I did research in person was silverware, because the weight and feel of it in my hand mattered to me.

If you have similar criteria to mine, I recommend MyRegistry as a good way to go. [As a caveat – if you do go with MyRegistry or another universal registry – have plans for how you will explain it to your older guests. To me and to my peers it was straightforward, but to some folks from previous generations, it was confusing.]

Suki and I were setting up our registries around the same time (you’ll recall that we were married three weeks apart from each other), so we were able to compare notes. And Rosie gave us all the tips from her experience and her recommendations for items. I do suggest that, if you are setting out to make your registry, you talk to someone who has done it in the recent past to get her advice, maybe even looking at her registry as a spring-board for your own.

Next in {pretty, happy, real weddings}:

The Indispensable Bridesmaid

Previously in this series:

Google Docs Bride: the Virtual Guest List

The Wholesome, Good-Times Reception

How to get the Wedding Reception you Really Want

How To: Cut Back on the 5 Big Costs of Weddings

10 Practical Tips for a Calm Wedding Morning

Nursery Rhymes in the Library Project

Title: Original Mother Goose, The Real Mother Goose (two versions of the same basic book)

Author: Mother Goose, illustrated by Blanche Fisher Wright

File Under: Nursery Rhymes, Read-Aloud, Education, Collective Memory

Age Group: Tiny tots — even babes in arms — on up.

Dear Kristen, loyal reader, reminded me to bring the Library Project back around to books for little kids.

As you know, this project of mine is not designed to give you a post with every suggestion for a book in the category I’m thinking of. Personally, I get an anxiety attack from posts that try to round up all the things. Especially when it comes to books! Because first, there are many good books and usually, when you name a few, it leads you naturally to the others; and second, trying to be comprehensive in a post often leads to including less than stellar examples.

Here in this space I try never ever to recommend a book that isn’t absolutely worth purchasing and treasuring forever. We are building a library! Not everything can or should go in the library. Sometimes you and I might disagree on a certain book, but at least you know that I love it and give it five stars (or someone very close to me does), and that I don’t give five stars to any old random book. It will take me a long time to recommend even half the books I love, but you can be assured I won’t scrounge up any that are actually just not that great, just to make a long list.

My idea here is to take it slowly. I’d rather discuss one or two books to try to give you a flavor for why I think them worthy, trusting that you will find others, than inundate you with a barrage of titles*. As always, we love to see what gets sparked in the comments, so do chime in!

Kristin’s email was an opportunity to ponder the value of nursery rhymes in the development of language. Not long ago, I had reminded Deirdre to search out a volume for her little girl, who is learning to talk. She did, and their current favorite is listed below.

Then I was reading nursery rhymes to Molly (the same age as Finnabee) out in Oklahoma, and of course Pippo (who is 4) was drawn to listen and look at the illustrations (we were reading the Fujikawa version) along with us.

I worry that with the loss of the collective memory, people reduce learning to its seeming bare bones, thinking that this will suffice. And as adults always crave what is new, we forget that to children, everything is new! What is old to us is new to them! The advantage of the old things is precisely that they have stood the test of time. We’re very foolish to think we should — or can — move on.

Nursery rhymes offer repetition in the context of whimsy and delight. They hone in on the experiences that are familiar and universal (a cross mother, a careless boy, a bad habit like getting up too late, the sun, the moon), making sense of nonsense but also enjoying nonsense.

The sheer fun of language gives rise to wonder at the fanciful world we would like to understand but so seldom can — at least not when we’re two — but often also not when we’re 82. Thus, a great-grandmother can enjoy reading a nursery rhyme to a toddler, which is not something you can say of many so-called educational materials we normally find these days, which are as dreary as they are condescending. (And don’t get me started on political correctness.)

And Mother Goose rhymes aren’t uniform. Some are long, some are short. A grateful fact when bedtime is late — as well as when you find you do have time to linger with your arm around your little one.

For language practice, you can’t beat these rhymes and songs. That little one who can hardly do more than babble learns to wrap his tongue around tricky syllables. Interestingly, our forebears expected the youngest among us to encounter words like dainty, pride and folly, tuffet, melancholy, smithereens, tutor, and so on. Later, when the same child meets the same words in Shakespeare and the Bible, he won’t be defeated, will he?

The child also learns to count — and to be patient. Many a time I coaxed a recalcitrant toddler of my very own up a vexing flight of stairs by chanting One, Two, Buckle my SHOE!

The older child listens in and suddenly gets certain things he never noticed before (as for that matter does the adult reading!).

This is culture and how you get it. Read the old things!

Some other collections we like:

Richard Scarry’s Best Mother Goose Ever (Giant Little Golden Book) Richard Scarry always satisfies.

 

Mother Goose illustrated by Gyo Fujikama (the “look inside” feature on Amazon links to the wrong book, by the way). I love her style.

A Child’s Treasury of Nursery Rhymes Kady MacDonald Denton — This is the collection and illustrator that Deirdre and Finnabee have been enjoying. It has the added interest of including rhymes from other traditions.

 

 

*There are a few great book lists, and I’ve linked to those in the original post, found here:

What is the Like Mother, Like Daughter Library Project?