Leila Marie Lawler's Blog, page 43

Days of Christmas

I hope you are having a wonderful Christmas season!

God is good, no matter what…

Christmas Day, which was quieter than those of the past few years, as our children with families were elsewhere:

 

I guess I was more intent on the timer and getting the dog out of my spot than on the settings that keep the photo from being blurry:

Not pictured: After the first round of presents, while the Chief and I were at Mass singing in the choir, the boys (actually, let’s be honest here, grown men with legit jobs and responsibilities, and nary an actual boy in sight), and Bridget I suppose, pulled out the (old) Legos and built incredibly intricate creations. Then they found the old Knights of Columbus ceremonial sword belonging to Grandpa back in the day (absolutely nothing to do with Christmas other than that I happened to have propped it in a corner in the room, by the piano, as one does) to liven up our subsequent unwrapping.

Do we look tired? Yes, yes we do.

Natasha sent these beautiful napkins, and Habou gave me the runner — both of which go so well in the dining room. (We did rectify the faulty fold of the napkins, which turned the beautiful monogram on its side. But did not take another picture.)

When I was thrifting for presents, I found these, which I had been coveting, to add to my enamel cup collection, so opportune for little children:

Then it was time for some cousin action, as Deirdre’s family and Rosie’s family made it to the Manse, in trickling fashion, as the days of Christmas marched on.

From the Introduction to John Saward’s Cradle of Redeeming Love:

In the liturgy of His Church, the eternal Word incarnate works wonders with the calendar. The things He accomplished in the past once and for all He brings into the present with all their vital force, so that the Church can in truth sing on every Christmas Day: ‘This day the King of Heaven has deigned to be born of a Virgin.’ Since Christ rose from the tomb, time has ceased merely to run away into death. ‘This is the Holy One’, says St. Bernard, ‘who is not suffered to see corruption, this is the New Man who can never become old, who brings into true newness of life those whose bones have all grown old.’…

The flesh that God took, He keeps, and the deeds He did in time live on. The Redeemer of man is the redeemer of time (cf Eph 5:16).

The post Days of Christmas appeared first on Like Mother Like Daughter.

Last-Minute Old-School Gifts!

 

If I were a better blogger, I would have a better list here. And I would have had it up a while ago — but there is still time!

Some of these items you can find at what we used to call the 5 & Dime when I was little (and I refuse to call Walmart), some you could quickly add onto that last-ditch Amazon order that you have open in a tab right now.

Some aren’t really gifts at all, but you might as well know about them while I’m at it.

Most are good for men and women; I think you will be able to tell which ones are just for one or the other, with your superior critical thinking skills.

 

You know how you want to think of a sweater as lovely, but in fact it’s terrible, just due to the pilling? (pillage??) After a few decades, I finally figured out how to use this thing, and was able to resuscitate two cashmere sweaters to a new life without resorting to sending them to the dry cleaners. This is the trick: hold it at an angle almost parallel to the garment (which you have spread out on a table or ironing board). Somehow I thought you hold it upright, but if you hold it like a razor it works like a charm.


An apron — a sturdy one. Really, try it. Your laundry routine will thank you, and you feel much more competent with an apron on, and more housewifely, if you are female.


Set of Allen wrenches. This one is courtesy of the Chief. He says that your Ikea wrench will break* and anyway you need different sizes. Having these tools makes seemingly daunting household repairs a breeze. You know what you can fix with an Allen wrench? Your stuck disposer. When he hefts my handbag, he always asks me if I have a set of Allen wrenches in there, and one day I’m going to say, “Why, yes!”

*edited to say that he told me on the way to choir that he said “you will lose it” — either way, maybe just get a set.

A slip. Okay, I guess this is one that might not make it as an actual gift — depends on how used your people are to getting random helpful old-school things, I suppose. But a slip is the difference between feeling awkward and clingy and not swishy and feeling put-together, un-clingy, and swishy. You can find slips at the thrift store for little or nothing. Even new they don’t cost much. You need a long one and a short one, in nylon.


Hairspray. Not everyone needs hairspray. Supposing you have curly hair that is highly reactive to humidity and can look one way when you leave the house and quite another when you catch sight of yourself a few wind-gusts later: you need it. Also, if you are finding that your hair falls onto your sweaters and eventually just makes you look unsightly, hairspray keeps everything glued in place until you take a shower, which is far more sightly.


Handkerchiefs. No, you are not going to blow your nose in a handkerchief, unless in the direst emergency. I regard paper tissues as inarguably among the greatest benefits of modern life. Public health demands them. However, lovely old-fashioned handkerchiefs are still important. For men: you need one in your pocket for that moment that you sense you are sweating in the forehead area; you need one to wipe your glasses; you need one for a passing female who is crying. Do not underestimate the gallantry of the gesture of offering of a handkerchief. For women: find some nice vintage-y ones. You need them to wipe your glasses; you need them to entertain a passing toddler; you need them to dry a stray tear. I keep one from grandma’s stash in my little make-up clutch in my purse. I only have to change it every few weeks.


Wick trimmer. Obviously you can cut the wicks of tapers easily with scissors, but votive candles are tricky, and yet, a trimmed wick burns so very much better. (To find out why this is, read the classic volume The Chemical History of a Candle, preferably with a handy 8th grader.) Also candle snuffer — save your linens/walls/tabletops. And wicks.


Silver polish — this is one of those things I find hard to remember to buy, but it makes all the difference. Polished silver is really magical, and the only thing standing between you and it is polish. Don’t have time, you say? But surely you have a child handy… Don’t have silver, you say? Ah, well, that you can remedy by keeping your eye open at thrift stores in the coming year. Train yourself to know what unpolished silver looks like! Then check back here to be reminded to polish it!


Tea kettle. I know, because I did it for years — you can boil the water in a pot. But a kettle is really nice. To go European old (but not that old) school, get an electric one (I recommend this one — it seems to have the least amount of exposed plastic, it’s fast and big, and the customer service is excellent. And it doesn’t beep.)


Bathrobe. In my classic tome “How to Take a Shower,” I give you the reasons for owning one of these. Liberate yourself from yoga pants.


Toaster tongs. Habou was the one who introduced these into our lives. They just are the handy thing you need, they aren’t metal so electrocution is not an issue, and you know what, you simply are going to put a too-small piece of toast in there and need to get it out again. (Drawback– they are easy to split apart, like a sort of wooden wishbone, and just that tempting. Maybe we can find some plastic ones if we have tempted toddlers around.)


Slippers. Housekeeping is way easier if people take off their shoes at the door. Socks stay remarkably hole free. Footsies stay warm and dry. Slippers, an idea with great merit.


Spray starch. Maybe you aren’t that crazy about ironing because your ironed things don’t look significantly different from your un-ironed things, or don’t stay so if they are. The answer is starch, but not so old-school that it doesn’t come in a spray. Okay, maybe this one really isn’t a gift, but you could pick some up when you get the other things! Pro-tip: put the cap on as you work; if the can falls off the ironing board, which it absolutely will, and lands on the little spray nozzle, that thing breaks right off and then it’s all useless. Ask me how I know this…

For other gift ideas, especially for that hard-to-buy-for male in your life, check out this post.

Happy shopping! (The Amazon links here are affiliate links, so a little cash comes our way, including if you use the link to order other things. Thanks!)

Merry Christmas!

The post Last-Minute Old-School Gifts! appeared first on Like Mother Like Daughter.

{bits & pieces}

The weekly “little of this, little of that” feature here at Like Mother, Like Daughter!

Here is how it looks early this morning out the window; not sure you can tell it’s snowing hard — hope we can get to Church to sing for a wedding! (Don’t worry, we can always plow our way out in the truck — hope the bride can make it!)

The weather has been wild — I had to take my wreaths off their hangers on the front door lest they fly away in the high winds the other day.

We’re almost there! How is your preparation going? Mine is going by fits and starts, as usual, as you can see by how I keep showing you the same exact project, and how I have this little tree that goes in the music box stand (because it’s artificial and therefore I already had it), but not the tree tree. Sigh, working on it.

On to our links!

A conversation with a friend led me to the amazing treasure from the past, which is sadly not available in print anymore (unless you are super lucky at a book sale or have big bucks). But here it is online: Ten Saints by Eleanor Farjeon with the most adorable illustrations by Helen Sewell. I think it is copyright-free in the US, but I can’t exactly tell. I’m sure it’s okay to look at it for private use. How I wish that some wonderful publisher would simply reprint these lovely books. We have lost so much and really, to make new books that are worthy, we need these reference points. They are too wonderful to lose in themselves, and how will we train our eye if we don’t have them?


‘A haunting glimpse of what we lost’: Virgin and Child returns to England after 600 years.


I have a great devotion to John Henry Newman, reinforced by a visit this spring to the beautiful Brompton Oratory in London. Delve into this long article about his idea of sanctity — but if you find it’s too long, skip to the end where the author lists Newman’s simple, straightforward points for becoming a saint — you may be surprised.


It’s a testimony to the greatness of the movie It’s A Wonderful Life that essays and responses to essays have been written about it, especially about its economics. Sukie sent me this one, It’s A Wonderful Strife — we’re not in agreement with all its points (I’m not sure you can call George Bailey an entrepreneur), but “it has good points about the moral order and illusions of permanence” (Sukie).


The Tradition Speaks With One Voice on Divorce and Remarriage.


Do you know about this priest, Fr. Solanus Casey? I love him so. You can read about him here — would you in your kindness please pray one prayer through his intercession for a special intention of mine? And I will pray one for your intentions! Thank you!

From the archives:

Today the O Antiphons begin — here is something I have already posted early in Advent, but maybe today is the day for you.


A Christmas meditation from a few years ago, from Habou.

Today in the Liturgy: The O Antiphons, explained.

And it’s Sukie’s birthday! Happy birthday, Sukie!

~We’d like to be clear that, when we direct you to a site via one of our links, we’re not necessarily endorsing the whole site, but rather just referring you to the individual post in question (unless we state otherwise).~

If you are looking for reliable Catholic news, follow Catholic World News, Phil’s site.
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Auntie Leila’s Pinterest.
Rosie’s Pinterest.
Sukie’s Pinterest.
Deirdre’s Pinterest.
Habou’s Pinterest.
Bridget’s Pinterest.
Habou’s Blog: Corner Art Studio.
Auntie Leila’s Ravelry.
Auntie Leila’s Instagram.
Rosie’s Instagram.
Sukie’s Instagram.
Deirdre’s Instagram.
Bridget’s Instagram.

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{bits & pieces}

The weekly “little of this, little of that” feature here at Like Mother, Like Daughter!

We’re getting there! Gaudete Sunday tomorrow! The earliest it can be. Which means a little more time for making.

The little vest gave me fits for some reason. I had made it in the size given (you can see my notes on Ravelry) for Desmond’s birthday, and then tried to figure out to make it in a larger size for Freddie (shhh… for Christmas). And I did it, but I can’t tell you how ridiculous every step of the way was. In theory, I just added like four stitches or something, but wow, I don’t know. Took me forever.

Anyhooo… On to our links!

Has it started to snow in your neck of the woods? What if you finally got your toddler bundled up and out there, and then:

I am a sucker for “making-do” stories. I have these books, fully recognizing that they are a view through a particular lens, but a lens that helps me be content in lean times and satisfied when I can figure things out. This article about Remembering Christmas During World War II, with recipes, keeps alive the memory of how things were, and what people did to bring cheer to each other in simple and inventive ways.


Our very own Joseph wrote a piece about the value of writing letters. (He writes for the Washington Examiner and if you are super interested in economics and lots of analysis, follow him there). I do write letters on occasion — very rarely do I receive one in reply, though. Maybe he will write to me :).


David Clayton is provost of  Pontifex University, which is offering a Master’s degree in Sacred Arts, that centers on beauty for the transformation of culture. I recommend you check it out, and if you decide to pursue, let them know that I sent you! (This is not a sponsored link, but I would be interested to know how many of our readers would be interested.)


The prayer Sub Tuum Praesidium is ancient one, begging the intercession of Mary, Mother of God. Its simplicity and faith move the soul, and in this post, there is a lovely version of it in song, in Arabic. It is short:

We fly to Thy protection,

O Holy Mother of God;

Do not despise our petitions

in our necessities,

but deliver us always

from all dangers,

O Glorious and Blessed Virgin.

Here’s a handy recipe for a simple cookie glaze from King Arthur  — I recommend a wee bit more milk than they call for, but it is a good shiny icing.


One of the very first links we ever linked to here was also one of my favorites — a “doodle” (seems like an inadequate word for the skill and genius of it) of a piece by C. S. Lewis. I hadn’t realized there were others. I’ve been thinking a lot about manhood and chivalry recently, and I came across one on that topic! (And there are more! I’m so excited.) (Tip: hover your mouse over the bottom of the video; when the “settings” wheel appears, go in and set the speed to slower than normal. There is a lot to absorb here between the words and the drawing, and it goes a bit fast.)

 

From the archives:

Don’t miss the ongoing series on Nurturing the Moral Life of Children. Lots of good discussions in the comments! My thoughts are definitely meant to be taken in the context of all my other thoughts, found throughout this blog. Which, I guess, is why we have the “from the archives” section here as well!


I keep mentioning the Liturgical Year. To learn to live along with it, the most important thing is to observe what the Church does. This is made a little more difficult in our day because alas, our own leaders have lost their confidence in it and have truncated it dreadfully, but I am hopeful that when families make known their needs and desires, our priests and bishops will respond. Delve into the things that are left out or skimmed over, out of a false sense of convenience or the wrong sort of simplifying. For instance, our “optional” saints’ days are given short shrift, but we can be sure to take it upon ourselves not to let their commemorations go by, at least in prayer and story. I’m not saying that you need to make a special dessert for each saint! But it is good to read and talk about them, and perhaps note the Collect (prayer) that’s proper to them, or pray the Vespers that goes with them. In this way we absorb what Holy Mother Church wants us to understand about the holiness and virtue that emanates from God and draw us to Him, as exemplified in His friends, the saints. A great resource is the Catholic Culture site. If you go there, look on their menu bar, and click on “Liturgical Year,” you will see excellent information, including what I find is usually the best available (that is, not bland) stories of the saints. All this to say that I wrote a post about how to bring the saints into your family life. (Also a book, The Little Oratory.)


Read this, not that! Or one children’s book is not as good as another.

Go here to find today’s saints! And prepare to rejoice tomorrow!

It’s also Habou’s 80th birthday tomorrow! We have to give her a shoutout for that, right?

 

~We’d like to be clear that, when we direct you to a site via one of our links, we’re not necessarily endorsing the whole site, but rather just referring you to the individual post in question (unless we state otherwise).~

Follow us on Twitter.
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Auntie Leila’s Pinterest.
Rosie’s Pinterest.
Sukie’s Pinterest.
Deirdre’s Pinterest.
Habou’s Pinterest.
Bridget’s Pinterest.
Habou’s Blog: Corner Art Studio.
Auntie Leila’s Ravelry.
Auntie Leila’s Instagram.
Rosie’s Instagram.
Sukie’s Instagram.
Deirdre’s Instagram.
Bridget’s Instagram.

The post {bits & pieces} appeared first on Like Mother Like Daughter.

The moral life of the child and how to nurture it, Part 2.

“Children are allowed to grow up in ignorance and moral idleness; hence their piety is too often nothing but mere sentiment–a sort of misty and vague dreaminess — which is death to the spirit of prayer.” – Abbess Bruyere

{Here is my first post on how important moral education is to happiness.}

Let’s take it for granted that you are well acquainted with the archives here (drop down the “Raising Children” menu in our menu bar) and know how much I’ve written about home life, lived with order and wonder (even amidst the perfectly normal chaos of family!).

Through the Liturgical Year and ordinary day-to-day interactions, full of affection, our children gradually become familiar with Scripture, prayer, and worship.

The literature we read to the child, the stories he hears, and soon, the books he reads, all pay homage to the real moral truths that he begins to apprehend (if they are chosen wisely!): that the good is worth seeking, that actions matter, that inside of us all is a compass that keeps us on the path, if we don’t break it. Not that any of the books say so in so many words, but they take it for granted, and they are beautiful. Beauty itself reveals the good.

The baby and the very young child, in the normal course of things, learn that some things are naughty* and that obedience brings a delightful freedom and sense of belonging. For the under-six-or-sevens, your approval is what matters.

 

And then comes the time that reason dawns. (Both religion and psychology note that the child seems to turn a corner somewhere around age seven — I like to think of it as a stage stretching from maybe age five to eight, because it really does depend on the child and doesn’t happen overnight, either.) The child becomes aware of a world out there and his relationship to it — including the world of good and evil.

A certain amount of actual instruction has to occur. The question of “how to teach religion” or “how to pass on the faith to our children” is more about living than about telling, but telling there must be. Just a little, to rescue their spiritual life from “nothing but mere sentiment” as the quote above has it.

We will talk about that now.

We need to pay attention to the formal moral education of our children! Have you not noticed the crying need? The masses of people who seem to have no knowledge of right and wrong, good and evil? That we keep coming back to the realization that no amount of money or therapy can help them, because they need the habit of good?

Where did things break down?

I suggest to you that they broke down with the reluctance of parents to simply teach them — and the clergy to teach the parents…

 

If only, we think — if only there were an established list of rules or even commandments that covered all human behavior, that we could teach children early on, avoiding the obvious pitfalls of merely responding to difficulties as they crop up!

If only these rules went along with the child as he grows up, there, for him to consult in times of difficulty — even when we are not there to correct! They should be permanent, universal — written on stone, as it were.

What a relief that would be!

Well, good news, there is such a list, and I think you know that it is the Ten Commandments. Jesus Himself spoke of them, saying “If ye love me, keep my commandments,” (John 14:15).

I suggest the following plan of action, and everything that I say here is a gradual process to be done in the years between the age of reason dawning and the time, around puberty, when a more analytical approach can be taken. (Part 3, maybe!)

Reading material

Get yourself the Catechism of the Catholic Church. If you haven’t already, start reading it from the beginning. But also start reading the section concerning the Commandments. You are really your child’s spiritual director, and a director has to know the moral law pretty well — you can’t teach what you don’t know yourself, and you certainly can’t teach virtue without yourself striving for it.

This requires ongoing study and you might as well go to the source. The Catechism of the Council of Trent would be the other one to read. Have a copy of each handy — yes, it’s the work of a lifetime to go through these treasuries — and a challenge — and a joy!

Get the Baltimore Catechism for your child. You can get the old St. Joseph version with its old-fashioned pictures. Some like them, some don’t — I think the fact that they are in black and white makes them more universal than their style suggests; but if you’d rather, there is a version with no pictures.

Take this book as a curriculum guide for you. It provides you, in addition to the basics of faith, with the timeline: Creation, Fall, exile, giving of the Law, Redemption, founding of the Church, Second Coming. You will refer to this timeline over and over, and soon you will notice that we are living in it as we live the Liturgical Year.

The book provides you with Scriptural references. Take each lesson slowly — each one could be a week or quite a bit more! By the time you read it yourself, either read it to the children or say it in your own words, delve into the Scriptures in a slow, loving, listening way, ask them the questions (again, quite likely in your own words, not as “busy desk work”), and think it all over, yes, a week or more might go by.

Thus, one of the books might take two years! That’s fine.

 

Very importantly, the Baltimore Catechism takes you and your child through each commandment, slowly and with a lot of insight. By slowly, I mean that you will return to this year after year! (There are other editions for older children that go more into depth.)

The Greatest Commandment

Specifically about learning the Commandments: First, read Jesus’ answer to the lawyer.

Jesus said unto him: Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment.

And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets. — Matthew 22:35-40.

This is called “The Greatest Commandment” and of course it’s a summation of the Law in Deuteronomy and in Leviticus.

You can print The Greatest Commandment to form two sides of a hinged diptych, as they do on wooden tablets in the Atrium — your Mod Podge would be very handy for this use!), or otherwise connected. They go together and form two parts of the Law. (You can put them in a pocket folder to make a lapbook, unfolding and refolding to make your diptych.) I do think it’s worth making a beautiful one of your own, either printed in a readable but beautiful font or copied in your own hand. That way the child has a model to aim for, and you will both be meditating on it, just as God tells us to do.

Keep having your child write this out. He can certainly memorize it very quickly.

Now let’s also look at Luke 10:28, the Parable of the Good Samaritan. We don’t often pay attention to the beginning, where Jesus asks the expert in the law, “What is written in the law? How do you read it?”

The man answers: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’ and ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'” Jesus approves of this answer — and do you see how important it is that the man is able to say it to him? We can use this as a model for teaching our children; only then does Jesus go on to explain to him who his neighbor is.

The man must know the big picture, so to speak, of the commandments, before he can delve into the particulars of loving his neighbor.

What he repeats is the “summary of the Law” — and what is it summarizing? The Ten Commandments, of course. So then you will start studying those. It’s easy enough to find or make worksheets that help children put them in order, learn their finer points, and memorize them.

The Ten Commandments

A good work (and it could be weeks or months before you get to this, and you will return to it) is to have the child copy out the Ten Commandments on “stone tablets.”

But — important! Do not do as you see all over the internet and in many workbooks, and put five on one side and five on the other!

No! Not five and five!

Put the first three on one side, and the other seven on the other. Here is a document for you: Stone Tablets for 10 Commandment Work.

The reason is that the first three relate to the first part of the Greatest Commandment — loving and honoring and worshiping God. The seven relate to the second part — loving one’s neighbor.

Note that the fourth commandment — honor your mother and your father — provide the bridge between the two, for the family is the way the child learns of God’s love here on earth as he develops.

As I said, there are many ways to memorize them. I would take some care to keep whatever medium you choose serious and appropriate (that is, stay away from cartoons unless you want your child to associate God’s Law with, well, cartoons).

 

Some thoughts

As you are doing this, you might keep a couple of things in mind (besides not rushing, which I hope you are convinced not to do).

First, don’t take the attitude that you are trying to persuade your child of the truth of these Commandments. They are givens — literally given to Moses by God. They have to do with the reality of God and of how He made us; they also reflect the Fall and our inclination to sin.

So don’t seek affirmation. Be calm, not anxious. The most important thing the child learns in his religious education is that the universe isn’t here to affirm him; on the contrary, he must conform to its implacable ways. Blessedly, Our Lord came and died that he might do that!

Second, be aware that the study of the Commandments is the way we form the conscience of the child and give him the resolve to obey it. Romano Guardini says, (speaking actually of the Commandment of keeping Holy the Sabbath Day, in his marvelous little book, Meditations Before Mass):

“In the conviction of a thing’s finality and inalterability lies a peculiar strength. As soon as I am convinced that I should perform some act, I can do it… Anything but steadfast by nature, man is always ready to let things slide; this definite law in his life is something like the bones in his body, giving him firmness and character.”

Confession

So knowing the Commandments is obviously the way to prepare for confession (and not just for children!). Confession is how we grow in the moral life, children and adults alike — how else are we to do it? We need grace, we need Jesus.

So often we are flailing about, trying desperately to think of what we will say. Probably this is the greatest obstacle to confession — we just can’t think! Are we really so bad? But as soon as we delve into the commandments, we realize right away where our fault lies.

I’ve taught the Commandments to children for years now. I’m always struck by their intense interest in the ones about lying and stealing. I think it’s a mistake to think that children don’t commit sins — to trivialize the importance of their failings, either objectively or as it appears to them. Their consciences are sometimes stricken, and you can sense that it’s a great relief, actually, for them to know exactly how they can repent and make amends. Of course, they never say any of this, but their riveted attention gives you the hint of it.

 

I’ve heard good priests complain that confessions tend to be things like “I didn’t love myself enough” and “I failed to love God as I should.” But really, I fault the priests — as well as the seeping of self-absorption into the devotion business — because all the teaching we get today (and all we give our children) is just that vague and useless.

Remedy: The Good Old Ten Commandments.

The Baltimore Catechism seems to understand the mind of the child very well. I use it as a guide, reading the points and paraphrasing as I see fit — another time you can dwell on another aspect if you like.**

Here, in this post, I am really focusing on teaching and learning the Moral Law, but you can easily see how to expand this method of using the Baltimore Catechism in the various parts of the religious curriculum. One really delves into Creation, the goodness of the universe, the maleness and femaleness of man; the Fall, and what its parts are;  each stage of covenant giving along the way; the long, remote preparation for Redemption; the Life of Christ; the establishment of the Church. This outline would be used for every stage with its own appropriate level of detail and analysis.

We can go into it another time.

For now, I want to get across how simple and direct it is to teach the Ten Commandments. Our world is hungry for people who know and love God’s law, who know right from wrong and good from evil, and who desire to grow in virtue.

 

*Long ago, when I was just starting to have children and to think about how I would talk to them, I read the advice that one should call behavior “naughty,” not the child “bad” — and I couldn’t agree more. “Don’t be naughty” is a much better correction than “you are a bad boy.” It’s self-evident, isn’t it?

** The only real editing I’ve done of the Baltimore Catechism as presented in this book is to leave off the emphasis it places on immodesty, under the 6th commandment, because my class has been of boys only. I always add that for boys, modesty means dressing appropriately to the occasion, not assuming that going about in your undershirt is appropriate, and looking in a girl’s eyes, no matter how she happens to be dressed. With my own children, I only discovered this book by the time I got to Bridget. I think we had enough conversations about modesty that we didn’t spend too much time on it. The main thing with this commandment, when addressing a child, is to say that one doesn’t treat someone who isn’t a spouse as if he or she is, and vice versa. I tell them that it’s something to think about for later, when they are thinking of whom they will marry. (I have posts about this subject if you are interested: here is one about purity.)

 

 

The post The moral life of the child and how to nurture it, Part 2. appeared first on Like Mother Like Daughter.

{bits & pieces}

The weekly “little of this, little of that” feature here at Like Mother, Like Daughter!

 

 

We got home (exhausted) last Saturday from a visit with John’s family and, as you know, Advent began on Sunday. I had to try and change gears fast. Although I did manage to have candles lined up for the advent wreath, I’m afraid that’s as far as I’ve gotten. I haven’t had a chance yet to get out and scrounge around for some nice greenery. City problems/Apartment life problems.

I did come across this thrifted candle… and though I’ve never been really into the “central candle” notion nor have I ever considered buying a candle second-hand, it seemed to work. Now I have something to warm up my rather sparse “wreath” — and it serves the added purpose of keeping a flame burning before and after it’s time to have the purple one lit. I may or may not have a 1.5 year old around who is, these days, living for the moment when we can light the “canel!” “canel!” So it helps to have a slower-burning option to rely upon.

 

One of these days I’m going to dress my ring properly, I promise!

On to this week’s links!

You know me and how I feel about this: 

A piece from the WaPo that is just chock-full of common sense on the topic of children and play, and particularly how it relates to education and children’s health.

From the article: “As we age, if we don’t stay active, we become more prone to falls. The problem? We are seeing this already in little children! Children are spending less time outdoors than ever before, and this is changing the development of their muscles and senses. They are becoming a generation of “unsafe” children — reports of clumsiness and falls are on the rise in schools…. Lets face it, keeping children sedentary for most of their waking hours is causing harm.”

 

Miscellaneous nuggets for the nerds among us: 

The other night, as I was driving home from meeting with the lovely ladies in my local St. Gregory’s Pocket to determine our reading list for our “PocketBook Club” in the coming months, I heard a radio program about this hundreds-of-years-old map being recently discovered and restored in Scotland. It was fun to see the video giving a closer look at the restoration process.
Along similar lines, it seems that there’s a new glimpse a the old tricks used by English Catholics to hide such priests as St. Edmund Campion during the persecution. (Sidenote: the Artist and I are big fans of the name “Throckmorton” since learning about that family in Edmund Campion by Evelyn Waugh)
As long as we’re talking about venerable Brits, here’s a short essay in which G. K. Chesterton waxes eloquent about cheese.

 

 

Short reads on freedom and conscience that are truly edifying: 

I am sure you will appreciate this transcript of a short speech by Armando Valladares, 2016 recipient of the Canterbury Medal, the award given by the Becket Fund. Valladares’ experiences, which he only references, as a tortured prisoner under Castro’s regime, are relevant in light of the dictator’s recent death. An object lesson in the power of words.
A short and fascinating look at the life of Daniel Rudd, a slave who was Baptized Catholic and grew up to be an apologist for the Faith as well as an abolitionist and a leader among African-American Catholics. I had no idea!

 

For a little intellectual workout: 

A good little primer on the three “givens” of rational thought, with the fallacy of the third way highlighted. There is nothing in between something being wrong and something being right: No Third Way: the Fundamentals of Rationality.


From the Art of Manliness: a podcast discussion with Fr. James Schall which Auntie Leila says is like listening to the wisest old grandfather… with a special little love note to moms thrown in. On the Joys and Travails of Thinking.

 

 

In the liturgical year: 

Today we celebrate St. Francis Xavier!
We are about to enter the second week of Advent. Have you gotten your wreath going, your nativity scenes out (we hope you’re waiting until Christmas to put Jesus in the manger!), trimmed up the house a bit? As you’ve seen, I’m a little behind on some of these things. I appreciate that mom’s efforts can “grow” as the season continues… I’m choosing to play my slow-moving progress simply as a means of building the family’s anticipation towards Christmas. By week four things should actually look very advent-y around here!
Don’t forget about the St. Andrew’s Novena, ongoing up through Christmas!

 

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The moral life of the child and how to nurture it. Part 1.

“The mass of men have been forced to be gay about the little things, but sad about the big ones. Nevertheless (I offer my last dogma defiantly) it is not native to man to be so.” – G. K. Chesterton, Orthodoxy

A while ago I was sitting with Bridget in the doctor’s office, and because she still sees her pediatrician, the TV was on a desperately energy-sapping children’s show. (I think this show pretends to channel Mr. Rogers, which I will be honest and provocative, and say I never liked all that much. But as disagreeable as I always thought that show was, this new one raises it to glossy, slicked-up levels of brain death that I did not know were possible. Do you know which show I’m talking about? I don’t know its name. Doesn’t matter.)

In any case, the topic or theme was sadness. Somehow enfolded in the veritable minky-quilt of suffocating, too soft yet unbearably grating sound that pervades this show — at least, the room was filled with a cushiony-prickly wall of background noise at all times — was a segment about sadness. And there was a lesson about sadness. And a dumb song about sadness. And there were sad unpleasant-looking CGI cartoon animal characters who inflicting their sadness on us.

The message, boiled down, was this: Sometimes you feel sad and you should wait. The sadness will pass away.

Sad.

So, this is not correct.

I am going to try to tell you why, and it might take a while, we’ll see.

I’m going to try to put into some semblance of order my thoughts when I hear the question, “How do I teach my child the faith?”

Does it seem like a non-sequitur for me to say: We parents need to develop the moral life of our children, and it’s not as hard as we think it is, nor will it require a lot of workbooks; we just need to commit.

They need to know some things; among them, God’s commandments.

 

 

We need to give them the gift of knowing when and why things make them sad, and what they can do about it. And we need to give them hope that life is more than a matter of waiting things out until we feel better — until other people do something to make us feel better.

The viewpoint represented on this stupid children’s show (please, never show it to your kids!), which is propaganda for nihilism, has pervaded even our spiritual life.

To wit, another anecdote: a series of posters on the walls downstairs at our church reference prayer. Among them, a cartoonish child is praying; the thought-bubble above her head says something like “Dear God, please take my sadness away.”

Again, adults passing along the message of futility.

I would go further. I think that we are experiencing a vast adult self-absolution project. Parents don’t know and don’t inquire into the causes of sadness in their children, because they themselves are sad, having lost their own moral compass or even the memory of having had one, or the existence of one.

As religion slides into moralistic therapeutic deism — a sort of feel-good, nice religion that makes no demands — objective right and wrong, good and evil, evaporate. We still have sadness, but we retreat into pretending it doesn’t matter.

When really, there are two reasons for sadness, no matter what your age:

1. Something bad has happened to you, not of your own doing. (It can be anything from something really objectively terrible, like financial ruin or cancer or someone attacking you, all the way to really just a feeling, maybe even a chemical imbalance.) This is a call from God to join your suffering with His. Great graces result from learning this Way. Suffering becomes a gift and a union with God. It still hurts, but you don’t just endure it, waiting for it to pass, suspending your soul in the meantime. It has meaning.

2. You have done something wrong, and of course, this presupposes that you know right from wrong. In that case, there is only one way out: repentance, sorrow, amendment. Anything other than this and the sadness only overwhelms you or you thrust it far enough down that only a hard exterior or callous indifference can contain it.

 

But if we don’t know these things, we won’t be able to pass them on to our children…

… but instead we dishonorably shift the resulting burden of purposelessness — and sadness! —  on the child.

How cold, for a parent or teacher (or TV show producer) to see the child’s vulnerability, and to offer to a little person for whom every hour seems like an eternity, the smug advice to wait it out.

Let’s inquire into a different way. An older, better way.

How fitting that today’s Responsorial Psalm at Mass extols God’s law*:

Psalm 19

R. The judgments of the Lord are true, and all of them are just.

The law of the LORD is perfect,

refreshing the soul;

The decree of the LORD is trustworthy,

giving wisdom to the simple.

R. The judgments of the Lord are true, and all of them are just.

The precepts of the LORD are right,

rejoicing the heart;

The command of the LORD is clear,

enlightening the eye.

R. The judgments of the Lord are true, and all of them are just.

The fear of the LORD is pure,

enduring forever;

The ordinances of the LORD are true,

all of them just.

R. The judgments of the Lord are true, and all of them are just.

They are more precious than gold,

than a heap of purest gold;

Sweeter also than syrup

or honey from the comb.

R. The judgments of the Lord are true, and all of them are just.

 

 

You might ask: Doesn’t Christianity mean that we don’t need God’s law anymore, because we are under the dispensation of grace?

Well, if that were the case, why would Jesus Himself have said, “If ye love me, keep my Commandments”? (John 14:15)

We have to teach our children the Commandments and the moral life. I will help you.

{Now, I do have a lot — a lot! — of posts about other aspects of raising children: how to get children to behave, to get along, to refrain from disruption, to do chores, etc., etc. If you go to the menu bar and drop down “Raising Children” you will see how much there is! If you are new here, do prowl around the archives. You may be surprised. I’ll try to round up the biggies for you.}

*In the Mass today, only one aspect of this remarkable Psalm is brought out. The beginning is also amazing, connecting the cosmos to the inner life of God: “The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament sheweth his handywork” and so on. You know, reading it, I feel more cheerful already!

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{bits & pieces}

The weekly “little of this, little of that” feature here at Like Mother, Like Daughter!

Thanksgiving, yay!

Some links for you!

On the Whole Human Race, by Fr. Schall. A little background meditation to what I hope to begin posting about next week — teaching children about the faith.


I can’t tell you how much I loved this silly post: Mom Asks The Internet To Help Her Open This Cupboard, Here Are The Responses. The best answer was to tip the whole cabinet back — a good “think outside the box” solution. Unless it’s a built-in…


I was born in 1960; Cuba has a significance in my mental furniture that goes beyond its little island size. It’s come to my attention that some Catholic intellectuals of our day, and even our Pope, are softening on the idea of socialism and feeling nostalgic for Communism. Well, they better do some reading. The Chief highly recommends Against All Hope by Armando Valladares, which comes to mind at the passing of one of the world’s most brutal dictators, Fidel Castro, who was nevertheless able to rehabilitate himself and the ideology of Communism in the eyes of the Left, over and over.

It’s a tough read, but looks like it’s necessary in a world where despite all the evidence to the contrary, the lure of Marxism remains. From a New York Times review of the book in 1986:

Mr. Valladares and other prisoners who refused ”political rehabilitation” were forced to live in the greatest heat and the dampest cold without clothes. They were regularly beaten, shot at and sometimes killed; they were thrown into punishment cells, including the dreaded ”drawer cells,” specially constructed units that make South Vietnam’s infamous tiger cages seem like homey quarters.

I remember reading of another political prisoner who was kept in solitary confinement in Cuba for eighteen years. We owe it to these sufferers never to forget.

Do you understand the moral dimension of the inclination to homosexuality? This is an important guide.


A fun article about P. G. Wodehouse’s popularity in India.


At last, a really helpful description of various musical instruments.


How to use the subjunctive in English — if only it were as clear as in French.


Another older article that might be of interest: Harvey Mansfield, professor at Harvard, on Christopher Lasch’s view of women and feminism. The tagline says that Mansfield “is working on a study of manliness.” He went on to publish that book, Manliness, and if you open up to the acknowledgements, you will see our very own Rosie mentioned!

 

Doing some shopping? Use our Amazon affiliate link! Some change comes our way, thank you!

Not an affiliate link, but for today only, be sure to check out the deep discount on TAN books. The children’s catechism that we recommend is on this site — the Baltimore Catechism without the pictures that some find a bit off-putting (although some also really like them, and those you can find here: St. Joseph Catechism.)

From the archives: Advent is for making — tips on crafting with your kids.


Tomorrow is the first Sunday of Advent! Don’t forget this post with many of my Advent thoughts rounded up, and above all, do just celebrate it!

 

~We’d like to be clear that, when we direct you to a site via one of our links, we’re not necessarily endorsing the whole site, but rather just referring you to the individual post in question (unless we state otherwise).~

Follow us on Twitter.
Like us on Facebook.

Auntie Leila’s Pinterest.
Rosie’s Pinterest.
Sukie’s Pinterest.
Deirdre’s Pinterest.
Habou’s Pinterest.
Bridget’s Pinterest.
Habou’s Blog: Corner Art Studio.
Auntie Leila’s Ravelry.
Auntie Leila’s Instagram.
Rosie’s Instagram.
Sukie’s Instagram.
Deirdre’s Instagram.
Bridget’s Instagram.

 

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In case you’ve been wanting to try Mutu… another sale!

I hope you all had a happy Thanksgiving and that you’re enjoying rest and avoiding madness today!

Although we certainly do not advocate going consumer-crazy and fighting people in store lines, we are all about (properly ordered) thriftiness. So I wanted to remind you that the Mutu program is currently 40% off.

You can read (or re-read) my review of the 12 Week Mutu Program here.

If you do decide to buy, please click through this ad here or any of the links in my review, and that way I’ll receive a little commission! Thank you – I appreciate it so much!

I’ll try to check in to answer any questions – feel free to comment below if you have any!

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Advent: preparation for preparation

Real quick, in the midst of your Thanksgiving preparations, I’m going to throw in a little Advent preparation (and I still hear Rosie: “preparation for preparation?” Me: I guess so!).

My version is to just give you food for thought, so don’t get nervous, because I know that you have a lot to do. Me too!

(That’s not a trash bag out in the yard, as some little kid asked me — that’s a target for bow hunting practice, as it’s that season around here — can’t you tell from the leaves and the general air of November?)

 

I had to put Roxie on the leash because she barks so awfully whenever anyone comes in, and the plumber had to come to figure out where the leak was coming from, that made this happen:

 

Yes, as I told you on Instagram, water oozing up from the floorboards, yikes.

So we’re trying to dry out and definitely had a setback with the water turned off (turned out that it was a pinhole leak in the line to the ice maker, boo).

And that is why I deep-cleaned my bedroom instead of got ahead on my cooking.

But anyway, over the years I’ve written a lot about Advent.

I want to try to put the main links here so you can read them little by little as you get ready for Sunday. The only action items are to remember to have candles and a calendar!

A sort of “gird your loins” post that I hope puts things in perspective:

“So we are in that terrible and oxymoronic predicament of having to sort of invent traditions — often while fending off well meaning (or sometimes bitter) relatives (and even some at church!) who have liturgy-thwarting ideas.” I think what was on my mind was the diocese that decided Christmas carols during Advent were fine, and oh, parties too; in short, go ahead and give in to consumer culture. But I think we need to be careful, and I tell you why here.

What is Advent really about?

“All I’m trying to say in this little post is that the Church has provided us with all we need and we don’t have to manufacture any feelings about it. Follow her lead in worship. That is, follow her in the celebration of the mysteries, the readings appointed for each day and each hour, and the prayers that gently and peacefully direct our gaze where it needs to be. Be attentive: Wisdom!”

Advent: the wisdom of childlikeness.

“John Saward says, ‘In the liturgy of His Church, the eternal Word incarnate works wonders with the calendar.'”

Practical help when the world is moving on with “Xmas” celebrations — does it matter?:

“Auntie Leila says yes, because how we spend the hours given us matters. We can’t ignore that our choices shape our children’s experiences of these times. If we spend all of Advent hopping from one glittering, candy-and-decorated-cookie, gift-wrapped, Frosty-the-Snowman-blaring, and holiday-punched event to another, Christmas Day will be a let-down (not least because we parents will be super grouchy).”

In the comments to this post, a wonderful reader named Dianna shared with us the “Lessons and Carols” booklet she had put together. It can be printed out as a booklet. Thank you, Dianna!

And our good friend Jana Schmitt told us about this CD with Advent lessons and hymns. It looks really beautiful. There are many more interesting comments and thoughts, so be sure to read them.

Here is a post from Rosie on how she did it last year.

During this coming Advent I am going to try to delve a bit into the religious education of the child — a little series maybe? This original Advent post was a taste of what I’d like to say:

“The Church and the generations that have gone before us have given us a miraculous guide for keeping a simple heart of wonder in ourselves and our children.”

Advent is the time to start the fundamental religious education of your child (and yourself! A little child shall lead them!), so start now, just by living it, and then we will talk.

Here’s the thing. Many people are reluctant to give Advent its full liturgical due, because they love the feeling of a whole season of Christmassy cheer. Good news! That season exists and is called… Christmas! Learn to celebrate all twelve days of it without going bonkers.

 

Okay, the fact is that I have forty-two posts that are tagged “Advent”. So take a stroll through them if these aren’t enough!

Please, I beg you, listen to the quiet whisper of the Holy Spirit through the Liturgical Year*. It’s all there for you — just about everything you need to know, to pray, and to teach. If we did this — pay attention to the Liturgical Year (the actual one, not the made up busy-work one that goes by that name), the rhythms, the prayers, the orderly movement from darkness to light, from wandering to home, from earth to heaven — we’d know we are living in the Kingdom of Heaven right here on earth, together.

______________

*The Liturgical Year is the hours, (the Divine Office, the prayer of the universal church); the day, with its feasts of the saints who show us the way of holiness; the week (with its Sunday celebration — not only the action of the Eucharist and the reading of the Word, but the Propers with their Scripturally based indications of how we ought to think about the Word in connection with where we are in the larger context of the calendar– one week is not like another!); and the liturgical seasons, with their rhythm of fast and feast.

All of it is found in the Divine Office and in the calendar, and can be lived as much or as little as we are able. We don’t have to chant all the liturgical hours, of course, but when we honor the saint of the day and perhaps take note of the antiphon of the Vespers of a feast day, we unite ourselves to Christ in a particularly efficacious way. We wrote all about how to bring this “living of heaven on earth” in our book, The Little Oratory.

I pray you may get to know it better!

Here is David Clayton’s review of the Customary of Our Lady of Walsingham, the Anglican Use/Ordinariate version of the breviary, in a beautiful English translation. I can attest that it is a lovely edition that every family could own and learn to use.

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