Leila Marie Lawler's Blog, page 41
March 8, 2017
Ask Auntie Leila: The Bossiness Cure
Dear Auntie Leila,
Do you know a cure for bossiness? If there were a Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle chapter on bossiness, my four-year-old daughter would be the bossy child! In her (my?) defense, she is the eldest child (I also have a two-year-old boy and a three-month-old boy). My husband and I are both the eldest. Three of her four grandparents are the eldest. AND the majority of her great-grandparents are also the eldest. Is there any hope?! Someone has to be the eldest after all, but she does come from a long line of them…
I know that the beginning at least is for me to examine myself. On the one hand I know I need to work on speaking charitably toward her and toning down my bossiness. But on the other hand, I am her mother, and she does need to mind me — which sometimes requires a (very) firm tone. What can I do?? She bosses around everyone — her brothers, parents, grandparents, friends, etc. Not that we do as she says (especially when delivered in that tone), but she is relentless…
Thank you for this beautiful ministry that you do through your blog. I’m not sure how I came across it originally, but I’m so glad I did! You have made a big impact on these early years of my marriage and motherhood, and I am extremely grateful!
Thank you for any insight on the bossiness cure :o)
Gratefully,
Mrs.Bossé Pushedaround
Dear Bossé,
Gosh, there must be a chapter somewhere in Mrs. P-W that addresses this! Is there not? Calling all Piggle-Wiggle scholars!
I will do my best; I can relate to your issue, as I am also bossy and have some bossy kids.
Maybe I can characterize this problem. We realized an issue (actually, I credit the Chief with this one) with one of our kids in particular, who is also very kind, so fear not! — when it became clear that she somehow had the notion that everything that was said or that happened required a response from her. In her defense, she was, like your daughter, still very young.
Once you notice this trait, you can begin to remedy. (In oneself: do I think I need to comment on everything that is said? Suddenly, do I realize that I am doing just this? People can chat amongst themselves — this can be a revelation! Just let people do their thing! Hmm… novel idea… )
The moment of truth hits on that day when you realize: you’re sitting around the dining room table with everyone, and comment from young Johnny gets a response from Miss Bossy, comment from Grandma Bossy gets a response from Miss Bossy, etc…
Every interaction has to go through her!
Sometimes it helps to bring the picture into focus to consider the family as a kind of pack.
When a person has a rather choleric temperament, he can take on the alpha role (yes! even tots!). And the temperament of others either enables that person, for instance if the parents tend to be rather phlegmatic or too melancholic to rouse themselves to the necessary pitch of resistance and proper benign dominance — or gives rise to conflict, if a parent is also somewhat choleric. Once you identify the temperament/alpha issue, you can take steps.
You and your husband are the “alpha pair” and that (vital, indispensable, God-given) status is mostly conveyed by gestures and quiet admonishments. Simply putting your hand on a child’s head, looking away at a moment when they are getting geared up, raising an eyebrow, emitting a well placed “tsk” — these gestures are worth a thousand nags.
Note well: when correctly ordered, each temperament* has its benefits and blessings, so teaching self control is absolutely critical. That bossy choleric person will manage things very well for you and for the world when she’s older, although you will always have to be sure that she isn’t taking on more than is appropriate, until she is no longer your problem, having reached the age of majority! Even then, your wise, calm voice will be of immense help to her.
As the alpha pair, you are the arbiters of the interactions in your home; this is a teaching matter. When things are humming along, you let everyone do their thing and all is well. There are rarely plateaus of calm in a family, however! So when one person steps out of line and takes an inopportune role (like bossing), you can help her get control over her tendencies.
So one thing is to simply say, “Be quiet and let others speak.” Head her off at the pass. It might take a week to get a little traction on this new habit, — and maybe more like years, so see how it goes. It might take repeated gentle reminders and explanations to get the message through. “You can’t speak up whenever you feel like it. Listen first to see if you are being helpful.” “You don’t have to say anything right now.” “He’s littler than you and it takes him a while to say or do this — you were the same way when you were little. Let’s be patient.” “He can do it.” “Mama said, ‘be quiet’.”
Then of course, let her know when she’s been helpful; encourage her when she handles things well, because you know, our faults are our strengths; our strengths are our faults. You can’t actually change how you deal with life, you can only somehow, with the help of others and God, make the way you deal better.
When she’s actually bossing, quietly go over and remove her from the situation (and work on that raised eyebrow so that you can manage from afar). Explain that she wasn’t letting her brother do things his own way. Everyone has to have a chance to figure things out for themselves.
You know, one thing I appreciate about the Arabic culture I half-grew up with (when I was with my father) is the paramount importance placed on showing respect to elders. Sure, pertness can be cute, and Americans seem to have a good deal of patience with such behavior, but at some point, you just say, “that’s disrespectful — stop.” Say it quietly and keep saying it as the occasion demands, without embarrassing her but without letting her off the hook, either.
This is a work in progress. So sometimes there’s naughtiness and you prudently just wait until later and say, “Sweetie, in this situation I don’t want you to be telling your elders what to do.” Correction should rarely be carried out in front of others in this case, because she doesn’t mean it — she’s learning.
Give the words for a better way of saying it: “Grandma, can I take your coat for you?” (In contrast to: “put your coat over there, Grandma!”)
In the next couple of years you want to gradually give her the idea that she ought to be using her above-average observational and management skills to figure out how she can help people and make them more comfortable.
This is really teaching manners. Manners are not some form that we use to get points from people; they are set ways of behaving that are designed to put people at their ease. Manners are the way we show kindness, and kindness is what makes family life pleasant. Our children need to learn to serve in practical and concrete ways and to be kind! It’s okay to talk about this with them in a gentle way.
Scolding and bossing are rude when the person doesn’t have authority (and need to be carefully controlled when the person does!); it’s as simple as that. Life becomes intolerable when you are a little kid and everyone is scolding you! We have to make life pleasant for the littles!
Don’t worry. Lots of four-year-old girls are this way. Younger brothers have to suffer a lot, but what doesn’t kill them makes them stronger.
Keep thinking of ways to express how each person fits into the family structure — ultimately everyone relaxes when the roles are clear. You are on the right track in identifying the problem, and it will sort itself out little by little.
Thanks for writing! God bless,
Leila
Later I got a follow-up (and I do love to hear how things are going!):
I found myself coming back to this email from you today, after a particularly bossiness-filled day in our home. Once again, your advice proved to be a treasure, and exactly what I needed (again!).
Truly, thank you. You hit the nail on the head with my daughter, who happens to fit into both examples you gave – alpha dog (or trying to be) AND feels that all interactions must go through her. But you have given me hope to begin again tomorrow :o)
God bless you and your family. And very best wishes and prayers for your expecting daughters!
Bossé
Carry on, parents of the world!
*Want to know more about temperaments? I highly recommend this book, The Temperament God Gave You. (This is an affiliate link — thanks for shopping with us!)
The post Ask Auntie Leila: The Bossiness Cure appeared first on Like Mother Like Daughter.
March 4, 2017
{bits & pieces}
We are in waiting mode here at the Manse, and now that Bridget is home for break, if you would like to pray for a not very long wait for Rosie, that would be much appreciated!
If she holds off for a few hours today, you can listen to me chat about living Lent with your children on The Patrick McCormack Show at 12 ET (11 CST).
Here are our links!
Life is so fragile; the truth is also fragile. We must keep reminding ourselves that there is no “calculus” of a life worth living, nor is perfection something to be measured in human terms. We will never be quite used to bravery, to fortitude in the face of uncertainty or actual suffering. That is why we need the saints to lift us up and to confront us with God’s perspective. This story, posted by LMLD friend Tim Carney, is a must-read and must-see (even if the video takes a while to load, trust me, it’s worth it). The short life of this little baby, “John Paul the Small”, “was perfect”; he had the vocation to be loved.
The monk who saves manuscripts from ISIS.
The bench of whispers — romantic and mysterious!
Science isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be: Rosie recommends this interesting read about When Evidence Says No But Doctors Say Yes — the undeniable persistence of disproven medical practice.
A well argued piece on The New Jansenism that clarifies a lot of theological problems we have faced and are facing. I find the author, Jessica Murdoch, a clear and reasoned writer.
Wow, 10 New Beautiful Churches in the Works, all very impressive!
Do you live in New Hampshire? Know someone who does? Please let your Representatives know that you strongly oppose the radical and dangerous bathroom bill.
Today is the feast of St. Casimir “The Peacemaker”, Polish saint and lover of the poor.
From the archives:
This post from last week has many archival posts linked within, all about Lent. It’s not too late to start! “Now is the acceptable time!”
A nice long post in answer to a question from readers about how to promote purity and sociability in older children. Don’t fear the teen years, and don’t check out.
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Follow us on Twitter.
Like us on Facebook.
Auntie Leila’s Pinterest.
Rosie’s Pinterest.
Sukie’s Pinterest.
Deirdre’s Pinterest.
Habou’s Pinterest.
Bridget’s Pinterest.
Habou’s Blog: Corner Art Studio.
Auntie Leila’s Ravelry.
Auntie Leila’s Instagram.
Rosie’s Instagram.
Sukie’s Instagram.
Deirdre’s Instagram.
Bridget’s Instagram.
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March 2, 2017
Our Top Picks for A Calm, Practical Pregnancy
Friends occasionally ask for recommendations for pregnancy and I’m always meaning to consolidate mine into one, easily-accessed blog post. Well, I figured now was the time to do it: while I’m pregnant (so it’s on my mind) and before the baby comes and all my energy is consumed with him/her!
Without further ado: the pregnancy recommendations from LMLD: we like to keep things simple, to be prepared, to be informed, and work with a tight budget…
To read:
Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth
It’s hard for me to express how important this book is. So bear with me, as this first item is the longest:
“My most fervent prayer for all pregnant women is that they read this book and heed its wisdom.” This is the quotation on the front cover of the book, from a certain Christine Northrop, MD — and I can only echo it here.
Whenever a friend is expecting her first or trying to get a better grasp on the whole idea of childbirth (and especially if she has had negative experiences with birth before or dreads birthing), this is the book I most want her to read. If she had to set aside all other books to prepare her for birth, this would be the pick. To be fair, I want all women to read it and, for that matter, all doctors, nurses, medical researchers… you get the idea. Ina May Gaskin is an amazing force in restoring the lost collective memory of midwifery wisdom. So many of us postmodern women are suffering and fearing through childbirth in ways that we just wouldn’t have to if Gaskin’s advice were widely adopted. This is easily one of the most formative books I’ve ever read on any topic.
The first section is simply a collection of birth stories from mothers, most of whom gave birth at Gaskin’s midwifery/birth center community. This alone is a powerful resource for getting your head out of the negative model of birth presented by pretty much all shows and movies you’ve ever seen and into a peaceful, empowering place that acknowledges that your body was made for this. The latter sections are Gaskin’s instruction and explanation regarding healthy childbirth; and presentation of her research that bears on giving birth in our culture. It is packed with information you should have before you head to wherever you’re heading to give birth to your baby. (Including an encouraging chapter regarding VBAC!)
Now, this is not to say that I’m 100% on board with everything that Gaskin says (for instance, she has done a lot to help women in crisis pregnancies! But, regretfully, she thinks that abortion shouldn’t be illegal), but I think the intelligent woman can filter these matters along the way and benefit from her vision, her rigorous research, her intuition, and her vast experience. Read it.
Auntie Leila has a post in which she has discussed books that will help you get ready for a newborn: Ask Auntie Leila: Please Attach Syllabus for Life 101. While you’re pregnant, resting and reading are good activities — they promote bonding with the baby and getting your mind ready for what’s ahead. You can check out the whole “foundational” category when you’re done with that post and its reading recommendations!
Do Chocolate Lovers have Sweeter Babies? The Surprising Science of Pregnancy
I wouldn’t go to this as a serious scientific resource, because it’s really nothing more than a collection of synthesis and commentary on various studies regarding pregnancy and babies – and we all know that sifting through studies is a tricky task. However, the author doesn’t take herself too seriously (I think it’s clear that she knows what she is and isn’t doing as far as research presentation) and it is chock full of interesting, fun, and helpful information. I especially appreciated her whole section on ‘The Golden Hour’ and learning about how very important it is to bond with your baby immediately following birth and in the first weeks postpartum. I categorize this not as an essential read like Ina May Gaskin, but a good way to be more informed about what’s going on with you, your body, and your baby on this journey.
NB: I don’t remember in great detail, but I do recall at least a little bit of objectionable material. Again: filter recommended.
To watch:
Babies
This documentary is an hour and 19 min – a small commitment for a big payoff. It simply follows a handful of babies from different parts of the world from birth until age 1. No narration, no commentary, just fascinating footage. An incredible glimpse at the vast differences between ways of bringing babies into this world, it gave me a huge dose of perspective before I began my mothering. It’s very helpful to be reminded that the expectations we are facing as postmodern American women are not universal, nor are they necessarily reasonable! I think that seeing this film definitely empowered me to be the kind of mom who’s open to breaking some rules in deciding what’s best for my child.
Plus, it’s cute. A little stressful at times too, but no more so than having an actual baby to watch out for!
To consume:
Thorne Research Prenatal Vitamins
I used to use NewChapter Organic prenatal vitamins after my sister-in-law Natasha recommended them. They were awesome: tons of nutrition without any downsides (most notably, easy enough on the tummy to take before breakfast). However, I did find that Thorne is another brand that I trust and which is very easily digested (also even on an empty stomach), but more budget-friendly. So that’s what I go with these days.
Floradix
When the iron levels get low, as they are wont to do during pregnancy, life is much harder to handle. Not to mention that low iron levels can raise medical concerns for the baby. So a supplement can be necessary, and if so, we recommend Floradix. It tastes funny sometimes (I think that it tastes different depending on how much one needs it – but note that it’s available in pill form as well), but, unlike other iron supplements, it doesn’t constipate. And it works.* You will likely need it in your post-partum days, as well.
*Sometimes low iron is overlooked. Here are some signs: extreme tiredness, such that even resting doesn’t help, nor does caffeine; constant eating (since eating is often a substitute for resting); the desire to chew on ice; pale lower inner eyelids (pull down on the skin below your eyelid and take a peek — it should be rosy pink).
Fem-dophilus
Fem-dophilus is what my midwife recommends towards the end of pregnancy as a means of avoiding the Group B Strep diagnosis that can require antibiotics during childbirth. It’s not a guarantee, but it’s nice to have something proactive to do to help avoid antibiotics and keep birthing as simple as possible!
Dates
Apparently, eating dates can contribute to easier and faster labor! Plus: they’re delicious. I mean, there’s really no downside here. I just get them at the grocery store!
Red Raspberry Leaves/Tea
Red Raspberry Leaf is an herbal supplement that supports a healthy and strong uterus, so it’s a good thing to get on your side in the months leading up to birth. You can buy it as a tea and drink a cup a day (and it’s delicious, especially iced) or simply pop it in capsule form.
High-protein/high-healthy-fat snacks for the car/purse
When you’re pregnant, hunger can creep up on you and turn you either into a monster or into a rapidly wilting leaf. Have some healthy options handy for when you’re out and about so that you don’t experience a meltdown on the go. (In my experience, during the first trimester, queasiness sets in whenever I let myself get even close to hungry and then suddenly any food can be repulsive – so it’s important to stay ahead of that curve.) Trail mix is a good example.
To wear:
Here I try to list a few staple items that are worth investing in. There are additional items that you’ll need (various tops, for example) but are easier to find second-hand. This section is what I would say is worth seeking out in particular, whether from a store, catalog, or by asking around among friends:
B-band/Tummy Sleeve
This is the secret weapon to extending your normal wardrobe partway into your second trimester (depending on how quickly your tummy pops!). When you’re looking too “swell” to zip your normal pants but they fit you ok otherwise, just pop this band over the top of your pants and voila! you have added on a flexible maternity panel and bought a few more weeks before having to enter the dreaded realm of “maternity clothes shopping.” Available at various stores.
Maternity Leggings
If your pregnancy will span the cold months, a pair of leggings is worth it. Layer them under dresses, long sweaters, and tunic tops for three-season wardrobe options. I got my Gap pair at a consignment store. These have been indispensable for me during my pregnancy with Chickapea — my tummy is just too big to fit into my various maternity pants options anymore! I’m much more comfortable wearing a dress with these underneath along with a cardigan and boots.
(A versatile pair of flats is also recommended. I found my very comfortable Bandalino ballet flats at the thrift store. See my Mutu post for info on why you want zero positive tilt/no heels in order to give your core a break during pregnancy.)
One “occasion” dress
I got extremely lucky and came upon this high-waisted dress with a flowy skirt — not actually a maternity dress — that fits me from 0-7 months pregnant (pictured here at 0 so you can see what’s going on: the sash provides the shape for the dress, which gives it lots of flexibility. Most of my friends have now seen me in this outfit, as I have sported it to many different events at various stages of being with child/having child in arms). The huge bonus: the crossover neckline actually allows for nursing. It is the holy grail of cocktail dresses. If you come upon something like this, buy it.
In general, look for things that are flowy/stretchy and feature high waists. It’s more affordable to get a normal dress that happens to work for pregnancy than to go to the maternity retailers for one. Something that can be accessorized different ways is a plus!
Adjustable belt
Many different tops and sweaters can be turned into “maternity” tops if they’ve been strategically cinched above the bump. The catch here is to find a belt that works on one’s ribcage, when most belts are designed for the belt loops of pants. So keep an eye out and if you ever find an adjusting belt (the kind that won’t have a huge tail sticking off the end when you move it up over a pregnant tummy) – buy it! Then you have the flexibility to turn various different tops into pregnancy-friendly looks.
This is especially helpful when you’re at that early, borderline phase (“is she or isn’t she…?”) — emphasize it with a belt!
Bathing Suit
Old Navy
This is something you’re going to have to buy maternity. If you plan on swimming during your pregnancy (and it is lovely and liberating exercise for the expectant mom), go ahead and make this investment. Maybe keep an eye on sites like Zulily to find a good deal? I do recommend a tankini, so that you can easily use the bathroom (which you’ll have to do approximately one thundred times a day while pregnant), but make sure that the top is going to reach all the way around your belly even when you’re really sticking out there.
Coobie Bra
Speaking of investments, this Coobie bra is another smart one. I received one as a gift and it is the comfiest thing ever. It holds up extremely well — after over three years of wearing it constantly any time it anytime it didn’t have to be washed (and note that I’ve nursed two babies during that time period!), mine is only now giving out on me. So flexible and comfortable! Especially when you reach that point of pregnancy when all your clothes seem to be conspiring against you, this standby item is a relief.
Maternity Shorts
Again, depending on the seasonal span of your pregnancy, one pair of shorts might be worth the investment. I have just one pair that I leaned on heavily during my pregnancy with Finnabee, which went well into the summer in DC.
Other hot weather maternity items: a few maternity tops to rotate with the shorts, some breezy dresses (again, these don’t necessarily have to be maternity in order to work over a big baby belly), and a pair of maternity capris were all I needed.
Maternity Jeans
Old Navy
If finding jeans is hard enough, is finding maternity jeans impossible? Again, they’re one of those staple items… I avoided this search during my first pregnancy (thanks to the weather, the B-band, and the options mentioned immediately above), but last time around and this time I definitely just needed go-to pants. I ended up finding mine by using ThreadUp, ordering a bunch of pairs, trying them on at home, and using the ‘free returns’ policy to send back the ones I didn’t like. A pretty affordable way to go about finding an item that does have to be very particular to one’s personal needs!
Other cold weather maternity items to look for: maternity coat, a couple long-sleeved maternity shirts, sweaters (open front/drapey sweaters might work, or long/oversized sweaters; this doesn’t necessarily have to be a maternity item), cardigans (remember, you don’t have to button them! Or you can just button one or two buttons above your bump and leave the rest).
Miscellaneous:
A good water bottle
You’ll be needing to hydrate – a LOT. If you’re on the go or if you have trouble remembering to refill your water glass, a water bottle might be a good choice for you. I like my Nalgene that I’ve had since college. Suki recommends this Contigo Cortland bottle because it can be used one-handed, but it’s pretty leakproof and little ones can’t unlatch it on their own. (Hers was cheaper when she bought it; maybe you can find one for a better deal somewhere else?)
A body pillow
Suki says: Some ladies love their pregnancy pillows. I’ve never tried one {neither have I -D}, but they’re expensive and they seem to take up a whole lot of space in the bed. With Desmond I just used a plain old double-length pillow (like this). It eased my hip/pelvic pain a lot, and I slept way better.
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What are the indispensable items you rely on during pregnancy?
Related posts:
Plain Cooking: Surviving Morning Sickness and More
Postpartum Does Not Mean One Day After the Baby Comes
What Does Nursing the Baby Mean? And Readers’ Tips (packed with practical, detailed advice and troubleshooting!)
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February 25, 2017
{bits & pieces}
You know your daughter’s a lucky kiddo when her coloring pages are actually hand-drawn by daddy!
This week’s links!
Headliner — because it just sums it all up in such a brilliant way:
Is Feminism a Heresy? (a good companion article to the Dawn Eden piece we had here a few weeks ago.)
Some encouraging young men who are living their Faith:
We’ve shared on here before about our friend Thomas Peters. You might enjoy this update from Our Sunday Visitor on the role of Faith in his recovery since his accident several years ago.
Yesterday, in my mom’s Lenten Round-Up post, she mentioned her friend Therese. Loyal LMLD readers are now familiar with occasional contributions and recommendations from Auntie Therese. Well, now you get to meet Therese’s son, Patrick, whose hilarious and snappy visual commentary may have popped up on your feed by now: Drawing the Faith — and Politics: Recent College Graduate is Budding Cartoonist.
Other stuff for and about and from men:
A virtual tour of an exhibit from Hillsdale College of Winston Churchill’s artwork.
A Primer on the Manly Tradition of Tea from The Art of Manliness, which we mentioned in Auntie Leila’s post about resources for guys from a few weeks back. A fun discussion and history.
Want to read something that’s just SO ROMANTIC? G. K. Chesterton’s Marriage Proposal. Truly, who could fail to be won over by such writing?
An excellent lecture from our friend Fr. Mankowski, erudite and sharp practitioner of the art — but not the evil — of satire, on a master of the genre: Evelyn Waugh (video).
Miscellany:
Growing up in the Library is Exactly as Magical As You’d Think. My mom’s commentary: “Okay then!”
This looks appealing! Free coloring books from World-Class Libraries and Museums.
A Plea to Youth Ministers: Give up the Past and Embrace an Agelesss Tradition
Liturgical Year:
You’ve picked up on the fact that Lent is about to begin (this Wednesday), right? Which means Mardi Gras is this Tuesday. Bacon cheesesteaks for us here at the Chesternest!
Don’t forget about the Seven Sundays of St. Joseph! Tomorrow is the fourth Sunday and it’s not too late!
From the Archives:
Cooking With Littles: Cheesy Crackers
Anne of Green Gables in the Library Project
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Auntie Leila’s Pinterest.
Rosie’s Pinterest.
Sukie’s Pinterest.
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Habou’s Pinterest.
Bridget’s Pinterest.
Habou’s Blog: Corner Art Studio.
Auntie Leila’s Ravelry.
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February 24, 2017
Practical thoughts for the coming of Lent: Reading, soup, and more!
When our kids were young, Phil and I would pray and talk about the coming Lent with each other; then we would take the Sunday before Ash Wednesday to discuss over dinner what the coming season would bring for all of us — a real and lively conversation, not any kind of management meeting or programmed affair. I loved seeing the excitement of all the children, big and little, as we chatted about what we should give up as a family, and prayers we’d undertake, and personal penances that each one would try to live up to (of course, the older ones would keep those things private, but a general discussion was helpful).
This is me posting in time for you to do this too! (After I said yesterday that I like to take my time and not deluge you with info, this post is the deluge!! Take your time… )
We parents really are the spiritual directors of our children. The Liturgical Year gives us the guidance we need to fulfill this role; each season brings its flavor and reminders and grace to begin again.
I thought I’d round up some of the suggestions and helps we’ve had here on the blog over the years so that you would have them in one place.
As always, be calm and keep things simple! Live your Lent. Liturgical living is more than food and activities. Those things find their place in the overall rhythm of life lived in union with the Church. Most importantly, listen to and pray along with the Church in the Liturgy as she graciously leads us.
For all my posts over the years of the hows and whys, little by little, go to the end here, and you will find them linked. There are what I like to think of as helpful thoughts on all sorts of things, including a document for printing out your (and your kids’) own private “Lenten Rule” — a traditional little note between oneself and God as to what we are going to aim for.
Start a St. Gregory’s Pocket if you haven’t already, or revive one you’ve started! A Pocket is more than a book club, and it’s building the culture for your children — for the years ahead, not just for yourself now. Instead of dreaming, just get your Pocket going!
Lent is a great time to read something substantial, alone, with friends as you get to know them, or solidify the friendships you already have — either a woman’s or men’s group, or a couples’ group. I am not going to be able to do a guided reading this year as I have in years past, due to the babies that are shortly going to be raining down on me, but hey! the ones I did are still there, plus I have other suggestions for you:
How do we live liturgically? Maybe now is a good time to read the book — the book that we wish we had had when we were beginning, but which we wrote for you: The Little Oratory: A Beginner’s Guide to Praying in the Home. This book will help you establish a prayer life in the home, and Lent is the perfect time to start.
The Meaning and Vocation of Woman — John Paul II’s letter on womanhood.
Casti Connubii — and I collected and edited these posts on the encyclical by Pius XI written in answer to the problems of divorce and contraception into an ebook for you called God Has No Grandchildren — very reasonably priced and accessible. I haven’t had the chance to figure out the hard copy version, but really, it’s not a long book and maybe having it on your device would be fine.
The Spirit of the Liturgy by Romano Guardini — a guided reading of this short volume (available online, so you can get right to it!) on the burning question of what liturgy is.
The Spirit of the Liturgy by Joseph Ratzinger — a guided reading of the longer book written to expand on Guardini’s work and to delve more deeply into the history and form of the liturgy.
My friend Therese highly recommends Scott Hahn’s The Bible and the Sacraments. You can stream the lessons for free and include friends.
A perfect read with interested friends would be The Way of Beauty by David Clayton, which raises and then answers questions of what beauty is and how every institution, from the home to the city, needs objective harmony, clarity, and unity to be fit for man. While doing an excellent job of explaining the philosophy of beauty, David also gives practical explanations that you may never have considered.
For fiction to read, this post has my recommendations.
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As promised above, this post from a couple of years ago has a round-up of my Lenten thoughts over time, which I’m reposting here because it has all the good links (I think all!):
Live your Lent. Especially with the children — don’t “do Lenten activities.” Sometimes a coloring page helps them focus or gives you a chance to explain something, but put your trust in the actual living of this season together: Giving alms, doing penance, listening to the readings, and praying. In union with the whole Church we will be in good company!
Why Lent?
Spring Cleaning for the Soul
Is it Scriptural?
Quick – Make your Hot Cross Buns! You can mix them up before supper tonight, finish them after, put them in the dish, and bake them in the morning. The icing will melt a bit but hey.
You don’t have to have activities. Just live your own journey along with the Church and bring the children along.
“My Lenten Rule.” (A way of recording for yourself what you are trying to do this Lent. Wonderful for children as well.)
Wondering what you can give up? Here’s a gentle suggestion.
What if my children are older? What if it all seems awkward??
Fasting — do I starve the kids? (No.) (This post has the gingerbread recipe — ginger BREAD, not cake :) These Lenten “Cookies” satisfy with dates and honey — not processed sugar.
Yesterday’s post about Lenten Suppers with Soup, including Sukie’s excellent Kale Soup. Great comments with more ideas! Don’t forget Rosie’s amazing Cauliflower Soup and also my Butternut Squash Soup, which includes the ultimate directions for the pesky problem of how to deal with a hard squash (and it’s easy and results in the best squash ever).
Praying the Stations of the Cross with the kids, and other devotions, explained.
What do you mean by “offering up” my sufferings?
Stations of the Cross work.
My “Lenten work for children” Pinterest Board.
My “Living the Liturgical Year” Pinterest Board.
And my book, The Little Oratory, which explains what living the Liturgical year is all about.
Start your own Little Oratory this Lent!
Lent is a great time to “begin again” with a real prayer life in the home. You can start tomorrow with a candle and a crucifix and add things as you find out more about them. When you figure it out, link a photo on our “Your Little Oratory” page and let me know that you did so we can all visit!
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February 23, 2017
The moral life of the child and how to nurture it: Part 4
As long-time readers here know, I like to take my time and examine a subject. There are lots of good reasons for this approach, having to do with not overwhelming you (knowing how flustered I myself feel when confronted with a deluge of “must-dos”), as well as trying to make my way through the forest of often conflicting advice out there.
Perhaps not least, my methods allow me to build in long pauses for mysterious stabbing pains, visiting/resident grandchildren, and broken vacuums requiring alternate (and time-consuming) remediations. (Hooray for warrantied parts; boo for standard shipping, further interrupted by snow storms!)
Anyway. The result might be less than linear, so, a recap is perhaps in order.
What do we have so far?
Part 1: My preliminary musings on a sort of sadness and loss of meaning that comes from trying to live life without reference to the moral nature of the thing.
Part 2: Things grow according to their nature: God gives very young children a mother, a father, and family life to teach them that things are; a child at at the age of reason starts the simple task of memorizing the Commandments, with a necessary but small amount of instruction.
Part 3: A bit more about teaching the Ten Commandments, with some resources that can take you right up to to the point where the child is intellectually able to delve deeper and more analytically into the truths of the faith, and most importantly, has the beginnings of the habits of virtue that must undergird such a study.
Now we come to the older child — that child who can buckle down and study. His mind has taken a turn for real inquiry. In other subjects, he has begun to investigate causes. He is capable of examining a footnote (and I regard a 7th or 8th grader as gearing up for this sort of thing).
Whenever I open the Catechism of the Catholic Church, I am once again wondering why it is that we don’t just read it with our older children.
For teaching the moral law and explaining the role of the Church in this task, the Catechism is the clearest, most efficient, and most inspiring way to convey the whole body of teaching. (I truly am tempted to say just this about every section of the CCC, because it’s all amazing.)
The perceived problem is that it’s a big book. That makes it daunting. It’s got a lot of pages.
But no one said that you have to read it all at once!
Let me tell you how it operates.
There are four main Parts, in addition to a prologue which you will want to read (seriously, we will have another post about reading this Lent, and the CCC will be a great option).
You absolutely could make each part a year of your older child’s religion curriculum. With the addition of a systematic (not devotional per se) Scripture study, a return, as in every year, to the timeline of Salvation history, and of course, your family’s living of the Liturgical Year in the company of the Church, you would be sending him out into the world with a solid foundation as to the facts of Christianity.
It took me decades to figure this out, with many mistakes along the way; and I’m trying to say that “I alone have survived to tell you” — save yourself a lot of grief and go with this.
You can look at the table of contents to see how it’s arranged: one of the Parts is “Life in Christ.” This section is on the Ten Commandments, and their fulfillment in the New Testament, the Beatitudes.
Here’s a little sample (and I try to reference my documents on the St. Charles Borromeo Catholic Church site*, where they are mercifully free of the intensely distracting background found on the Vatican website):
The Duties of Parents [in the section on the Fourth Commandment, Honor Your Father and Your Mother]:
2221 The fecundity of conjugal love cannot be reduced solely to the procreation of children, but must extend to their moral education and their spiritual formation. “The role of parents in education is of such importance that it is almost impossible to provide an adequate substitute.”29 The right and the duty of parents to educate their children are primordial and inalienable.30**
It’s a feature, not a bug, to be forced to take some time to look up some of these words. How will your child function, intellectually, without knowing what fecundity, conjugal, primordial, and inalienable mean? Further, ponder the statement in quotes!
Each article builds on the preceding sections, and everything is shored up by Scripture and sound theology (and philosophy). The Parts were given to the very best and most orthodox minds to compose — this is no “committee production,” watered down to the lowest denominator!
Every aspect of the question at hand is examined, but there is also a section at the end of each article that summarizes the main points. One could certainly go through once using those “In Brief” sections and then go through again, taking the time to expand on them. But I guarantee you will be drawn in by the excellence and sheer inspiration of the main body of material.
Yes, you could get a textbook that digests all of this for you. But I’m not going to lie — it’s going to make it more tedious. (Sometimes I wonder if we think that serious things ought to be tedious! But that’s not true!) It’s better to approach this compact paragraph as it stands, showing your student how to expand it for themselves. Let them write you a statement about what it means.
It’s a real problem when we are tempted to add what is really a “slogging factor” to work that requires effort but is basically approachable if we take our time. It requires much more energy to read a textbook about Shakespeare than to read Shakespeare!
This is the brilliance of the Catechism. It is intentionally compact and succinct. Certainly you, the teacher, can read outside sources to help you explain things to your child, but I would be very wary of eliminating or attempting to override the particular format of the CCC.
This kind of in-depth study of the Commandments is irreplaceable. Do you remember from our reading of Guardini’s Spirit of the Liturgy:
We have seen that thought alone can keep spiritual life sound and healthy. In the same way, prayer is beneficial only when it rests on the bedrock of truth. This is not meant in the purely negative sense that it must be free from error; in addition to this, it must spring from the fullness of truth. It is only truth–or dogma, to give it its other name–which can make prayer efficacious, and impregnate it with that austere, protective strength without which it degenerates into weakness… Dogmatic thought brings release from the thralldom of individual caprice, and from the uncertainty and sluggishness which follow in the wake of emotion. It makes prayer intelligible, and causes it to rank as a potent factor in life.
If, however, religious thought is to do justice to its mission, it must introduce into prayer truth in all its fullness.
The very ability to pray, the gift we want to give to our children, rests on the truth. The Church exists for worship, which requires that she guard doctrine; each person must also guard it, which is why Scripture exhorts us to follow God’s commandments and write His precepts on our hearts.
In his precise little volume, Difficulties in Mental Prayer, Dom Eugene Boylan gets to the point of what might be giving us trouble in our relationship with God in the chapter called Goodness of Life:
Prayer will not develop unless the soul is advancing towards the fourfold purity of conscience, of heart, of mind, and of action… [Sin] is a direct denial of love to God…
Nothing so darkens our gaze on God, nothing so weakens our desire for God, nothing so lessens our striving for God, as a single inordinate attachment. That is the great source of many difficulties in prayer.
The inquiry into the proper orderings of attachment is exactly what moral education is, and that begins with the Commandments.
If we want our children to know and love God’s Law so that they can have a relationship with Him, we have to teach them. Yes, the natural law is written on man’s heart (CCC 1955), but it must be nurtured. Today there’s a lot of discussion about conscience and one’s actions; what is not so much valued anymore is the role of teaching in forming conscience. The Catechism has this to say:
1785 In the formation of conscience the Word of God is the light for our path, we must assimilate it in faith and prayer and put it into practice. We must also examine our conscience before the Lord’s Cross. We are assisted by the gifts of the Holy Spirit, aided by the witness or advice of others and guided by the authoritative teaching of the Church.
That last clause is why we begin with the Catechism itself!
That’s the “study” part of things (and immediately, we find that study becomes prayer, paradoxically!), but of course, such a study forms a part of a more comprehensive education, taken in the larger sense, which has to include other, non-analytical ways of expressing the same thing.
I’ll try to address that aspect in another post.
*The site also has the virtue of a search box that brings up a result, and then enables you to locate it in the larger context. However, there is no substitute for the actual in-real-life book.
**the footnotes in this paragraph are to Familiaris Consortio and Gravissimum Educationis, two of the many documents that address the duty to educate.
The first footnote in Gravissimum Educationis illuminates the solid foundation of teaching on which the statements are based — I’m just going to plop it here so you can see for yourself how deep down it goes:
1. Among many documents illustrating the importance of education confer above all apostolic letter of Benedict XV, Communes Litteras, April 10, 1919: A.A.S. 11 (1919) p. 172. Pius XI’s apostolic encyclical, Divini Illius Magistri, Dec. 31, 1929: A.A.S. 22 (1930) pp. 49-86. Pius XII’s allocution to the youths of Italian Catholic Action, April 20, 1946: Discourses and Radio Messages, vol. 8, pp. 53-57. Allocution to fathers of French families, Sept. 18, 1951: Discourses and Radio Messages, vol. 13, pp. 241-245. John XXIII’s 30th anniversary message on the publication of the encyclical letter, Divini Illius Magistri, Dec. 30, 1959: A.A.S. 52 (1960) pp. 57-S9. Paul VI’s allocution to members of Federated Institutes Dependent on Ecclesiastic Authority, Dec. 30, 1963: Encyclicals and Discourses of His Holiness Paul VI, Rome, 1964, pp. 601-603. Above all are to be consulted the Acts and Documents of the Second Vatican Council appearing in the first series of the ante-preparatrory phase. vol. 3. pp. 363-364; 370-371; 373-374.
If you consulted each of those documents, you would further find references to the early Fathers and to Scripture.
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February 18, 2017
{bits & pieces}
The weekly “little of this, little of that” feature here at Like Mother, Like Daughter!
A post shared by Leila (@leilamarielawler) on Feb 17, 2017 at 3:42pm PST
Get these and other, stellar, edifying, updates by following me on Instagram! Even during a week like this past one, when I was recovering from the weird abdominal muscle strain of paralysis (in the sense that I had to rest and things by no means remained in a steady state while I did so).
But I have a final post planned for the coming week on the moral education of children, so hang in there.
On to our links:
A helpful, succinct, and knowledgeable post about what school Masses should be like for children.
A sweet story about an unlikely couple — a little late for Valentine’s Day, but romance is always appropriate, methinks.
We have the deepest sympathy for anyone suffering from fertility problems. But, it’s important to know that in vitro fertilization is seriously wrong and physically harmful (and literally deadly to “leftover” embryos). It would be hard for me to link to all the evidence against it, it’s so vast. Fortunately, there is a moral and healthy alternative with far better outcomes: Napro Technology, which works with a woman’s body, not against it. If you need this wonderful resource in southern New Hampshire, good news! A new facility has just opened and is hosting an open house Tuesday, March 14 — spread the word!
L. M. Montgomery, author of the Anne of Green Gables series, was a remarkable figure. I always say that the next best thing to reading your favorite author is reading about your favorite author: how does a four-part series strike you?
Here’s a fun animation (4 minutes) to explain Vivaldi’s Four Seasons’ appeal (at least in part). This reminds me: Have you ever heard a favorite of ours, now on its second Lawler generation, Vivaldi’s Ring of Mystery? A great car listen. (The CD has been available until quite recently. Maybe buy used or keep your eye on it? Beg the producers to provide it again? It’s really good.)
By the way, here is a recording of Peter and the Wolf (referenced in the Vivaldi video above). I can’t find the one from my childhood, which I love for the narration and orchestration, but this one is highly recommended by Rosie for those qualities plus good visuals of the instruments:
In the old calendar, today is the feast of St. Simeon — a good day to renew our commitment to carrying Christ’s cross, accepting suffering as part of life, offering it to Him.
From the archives:
Solidarity, Sex Education, and Happiness.
Thinking of what reading you will do this Lent, perhaps with friends? Two suggestions from us: Learning more about what worship is by studying The Spirit of the Liturgy (beginning with Romano Guardini’s short book and then going on to Joseph Ratzinger’s); and reading Casti Connubii, the original document on which the Church’s teaching about marriage is based. I have an ebook to help you read: God Has No Grandchildren: A guided reading of Casti Connubii.
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February 11, 2017
{bits & pieces}
The weekly “little of this, little of that” feature here at Like Mother, Like Daughter!
Going on thirty-three weeks! (Updated to say: I actually am 33 weeks today. This photo was taken a few days ago, hence the “going on.”)
This is the point of my pregnancy at which I start to hear, “Oh! So when are you due – must be soon!?” (Well… “soon” is a relative term.) “Oh, it’s just your jacket… that makes you look…”
Characterized by a significant protrusion? Heavily forward-oriented? …Big? Yep. And that’s sweet of you but no, it’s not the jacket. I know I have a torpedo belly. We don’t need to pretend otherwise.
When my brother saw me at full term when I was pregnant with Finnabee, he registered his shock at my appearance admirably – I was unaware of my effect on him. Until I heard from my mom that he had reported to her that I looked like “a torpedo had shot me from behind and lodged in my front.”
I can’t argue with the facts.
In the photo above, I am standing with my best posture and engaging my core. And somehow photos always make my appearance look a little less… precarious than it looks in person. Yesterday, another brother of mine went ahead and told me – through his loving laughter when he saw me enter the room – that I look like a “low-budget film depiction of a pregnant lady.” I keep reading these pregnancy update emails that are reminding me, “this is the time of greatest growth for your baby. Your baby will grow by about half a pound every week from now until birth!” He. He.
But it’s all good.
And here’s the glimpse we got at our little bundle last month, the cause of my humorous profile! LMLD World, meet Chickapea:
This week’s links! Just miscellany for you today:
Part of any event is preparing for that event — this post reminds us of the old church’s way of preparing the faithful for Lent, gently…
A short blog post from a priest about the “priesthood of Mary,” a reflection on the question of male and female: Feminine Priesthood.
A cute little video about how kids in a British school are growing and improving their behavior after the introduction of a goat club (yes, real goats).
If you have access to flowers and washi tape, you could do this cute, quick Valentine’s Day decoration!
An interesting reflection on the way that judgment, rather than dialogue, is built into our social networks. I just think it’s always helpful to be thinking about the effect of new means of communication. Thanks, Lisa!
From the Archives:
About this time four years ago, I was announcing Finnabee’s existence here on the blog!
The Second Sunday of St. Joseph is tomorrow! Read an old blog post about the Seven Sundays Devotion.
What Should a Family Room Look Like?
In the Liturgical Year:
Today we celebrate Our Lady of Lourdes!
~We’d like to be clear that, when we direct you to a site via one of our links, we’re not necessarily endorsing the whole site, but rather just referring you to the individual post in question (unless we state otherwise).~
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Auntie Leila’s Pinterest.
Rosie’s Pinterest.
Sukie’s Pinterest.
Deirdre’s Pinterest.
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Bridget’s Pinterest.
Habou’s Blog: Corner Art Studio.
Auntie Leila’s Ravelry.
Auntie Leila’s Instagram.
Rosie’s Instagram.
Sukie’s Instagram.
Deirdre’s Instagram.
Bridget’s Instagram.
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February 9, 2017
We’ve got a bit of catching up to do.
So, you might perhaps have noticed an uptick in the number of grandchildren featured in Auntie Leila’s photos recently?
Maybe you’ve been tracking our family’s doings on Instagram, and have figured out what’s going on, but I thought I’d pop in with an official update/catching up post to get everyone up to speed before this new baby gets here (I’m 37 weeks tomorrow, if you can believe it!) and there’s even more catching up to do.
At the beginning of the new year, we packed up the car and drove up north, trading in our North Carolina winter for a New England one. Some might argue that this is not the ideal time to be moving to Massachusetts, but we were playing on the beach as recently as the day after Christmas, so the whole winter fatigue phenomenon certainly hasn’t set in for us yet.
My kids couldn’t be happier about the snow. They’ve been out there sledding on the little hill in the front yard even when the grass has only been half-covered with a measly leftover inch, so the foot that we got yesterday is going to blow their minds.
(Fabulous red coat c/o my wonderful friend MaryBeth, who was — conveniently for me — expecting her 5th baby last January and decided she’s been pregnant through enough New England winters to get herself a proper maternity coat, then insisted on lending it to me when I got up here.) (And I treated myself to proper snowboots since my Marine Corps life in Southern California and southwest Oklahoma had not left me prepared for these conditions in the footwear department — my Toms were not going to cut it here!)
Capt. P came up with me and the kids, and then we said goodbye to him from here as he headed off on another deployment, which will keep him busy until the fall.
You’ll understand why I’m intentionally a bit vague about all the details here, but know that he’s working hard, but is not in a combat zone (for which I am thankful). We are able to be in touch with him often (yes, that’s him on the phone with Nora above, and no she couldn’t be cuter, not that I’m biased or anything), and the kids have been doing their best to keep him supplied with drawings and letters, since as Molly put it, “his room isn’t very byootiful.”
Before he left, he got us settled up here at my parents’ house for the next little while, so that we have plenty of company and support as we get ready to welcome this sweet baby girl.
The timing of this deployment with the baby’s arrival isn’t ideal, of course, but at first we thought he wasn’t going to be leaving until now-ish (aka, just a few weeks before my due date), which would have left us a lot less flexibility. Him leaving a month earlier than we originally expected meant that the kids and I didn’t have to stay put, and we decided that it made sense for us to temporarily station ourselves up here.
Even though we’ve only been in our new house down there a few months, we already have some great friends in our neighbors there (some of whom are looking in on our house while we’re gone, and all of whom would notice if anyone rolled up and started packing out all our craigslisted furniture, so any creepers/stalkers can just go ahead and scratch that plan), and it wasn’t easy to decide to leave so soon after getting settled. But the company and extra hand with the kids is such a huge help now, let alone when the baby comes, that it seemed like the obvious choice.
We’ve never had the chance to live near family before (our home in North Carolina is the closest we’ve been at just under five hours), so while there’s been an adjustment period as the kids and I adapt to all these changes, it’s definitely made up for by the fact that we’ve got one set of grandparents (and a great-grandmother) right here in the house with us, another set in the next town over, and a whole bunch of aunts, uncles, and cousins nearby.
Hopefully they are distracted by the cuteness and overlook the vast amounts of crazy disruption we have brought to their daily life already, never mind the newborn we will soon be adding to the mix!
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February 7, 2017
Ask Auntie Leila: What can men read?
After my brief medical intervention, in which the diagnosis was “?”, I have come to think that somehow I strained my diaphragm in a significant way. Apparently this is something that happens to people who work out strenuously, so it seems rather unfair that I should fall victim to such an injury!
Anyway, I’m resting, figuring out how to make mittens two at a time (yes, I have a lot of that brown yarn!), taking ibuprofen, and trying not to laugh.
It kills to laugh.
Maybe it’s the right moment for a little Ask Auntie Leila. Here’s a question I get on a regular basis:
“Is there something like Like Mother, Like Daughter for men?”
Other than the answer “who could imitate the inimitable,” I’m not sure that your basic male is interested in a “daddy blog.” Most men don’t seem to want to spend endless hours discussing every detail, do they? They like to just get out there and do things. Yet, it’s valid to ask about the collective memory for them, and where is the affirming conversation, since there has been a rupture for everyone, not just for women. Where are there role models and the fellowship? Who can they relate to?
(I know that many men do actually come here on a regular basis. That makes us happy!)
I’ve taken a little survey of a few guys to see what books and sites have proven formative for them, so I do have a short list of good resources. My criteria would be the same as for women: that the resource be intelligent and leave room for what Wodehouse calls “the psychology of the individual” — the vagaries of temperament — not shoehorning everyone into a particular mode. For instance, though he happens to sport a beard and has brewed his own beer since before it was stylish to do so, cigar smoke triggers the Chief’s asthma — you can be a real man without doing those things anyway (and it’s tiresome constantly to be subjected to a certain beard-cigar-and-brew style of “manliness” as the be-all and end-all).
So here are some ideas:
Just reading good, informative sites like Catholic Culture, the Wall Street Journal, Stratfor (geopolitical analysis), Politico (a huge aggregator of news).
Reading good books (the links herein are Amazon affiliate links; a little money comes our way when you shop at Amazon, so thank you): The good men I know read actual books. There are always the classics, such as the ones we cover in the Library Project — especially our book lists, one of which will introduce the reader to the work of John Senior. From thence one will go from the 1000 Good Books to the Great Books that undergird our civilization.
Some important books that randomly come to mind would be biographies of Winston Churchill, Witness by Whittaker Chambers, The Gulag Archipelago by Solzhenitsyn, the biography of John Paul II by George Weigel, Democracy in America by Alexis de Tocqueville, anything by G. K. Chesterton and C. S. Lewis. Many men have enjoyed reading John Taylor Gatto on education. Anthony Esolen’s Ten Ways to Destroy the Imagination of Your Child can be an eye-opener.
Good spiritual reading would include the ones we’ve written about in the Library Project, a biography of St. Philip Neri, and one of my husband’s recent favorites, The Wellspring of Worship by Jean Corbon, also mentioned in The Little Oratory, a book that many men have found decisive in figuring out how to lead prayer at home. St. Joseph is the greatest patron for men: I highly recommend this book, Joseph: Shadow of the Father, by Andrew Doze. It seems to be out of print, but perhaps you will come across it somewhere second-hand.
The books and site of James Stenson have proven helpful to fathers, although as an unmarried man (numerary in Opus Dei) he perhaps gives less attention than optimal to the foundational importance of the marital bond; nevertheless, we recommend his work.
As to blogs, we can recommend Bacon from Acorns. Since John Cuddeback is interested in “a philosophy of households,” his blog fits well with ours, I think. He is also involved with The Catholic Gentleman. You might like The Art of Manliness — but now we’re getting into tricky territory, because some of our men point out that the art of manliness lies in not speaking of manliness… but hard times call for desperate measures, one might counter. This blog does seem to specialize in really practical advice, like how exactly to change a tire, and that you need to know how to do it. There’s no question that some people need such particularity! As we’ve found!
Doing and making and fixing are excellent pursuits for any man — any book or site that helps him figure things out gets our thumbs’ up!
What to avoid? Just as with women’s sites, I’d say that it’s important to avoid two things: 1. anything that feeds narcissism, the fatal fault of our time; and 2. anything that causes anxiety by exploiting invidious comparison. It’s one thing to encourage and demonstrate; it’s another to present such an enhanced view of things that it only results in falling to an even lower level, like the ads in foodie magazines that feature opening cans of processed food (ever notice that?).
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