Leila Marie Lawler's Blog, page 18
October 30, 2021
Ta-Da! Behold my book(s): The Summa Domestica!
To all you wonderful readers who, over the years, have left comments or emailed me to say “put it in a book!” I say: thank you, I did! Really, thank you for your enthusiasm and, well, nagging. It has kept me going! For years! It took years! (My faithful and patient readers, rolling their eyes: “We know, Auntie Leila. We know.”)
All those thoughts about homeschooling, menu planning, teaching the faith, doing dishes, dusting the baseboards, washing and ironing… all the musings about books and what it means to be a woman. I plopped it all in these books.
And it’s… well, not quite here. But it’s available for pre-order and let’s pray that binderies and paper manufacturers and shippers do their thing and it all doesn’t get left in a container somewhere on the Pacific coast.
That’s all that stands between you and the three hardbound, beautifully produced volumes in a lovely presentation-worthy slipcase that are The Summa Domestica: Order and Wonder in the Home!
Yes, you can pre-order here on Amazon (affiliate link) or here at Sophia Institute Press, directly (sometimes Sophia has promotions and they do offer discounts for bulk orders). You won’t be charged until it ships to you, but you will be the first to get this three-volume set!
And throughout, there are illustrations by our very own Deirdre! Just like in the Little Oratory (affiliate link). The same charming air will be in the new volumes as well.
I am hoping that you will love this work of my bosom. Over the years the comments have said things like “I will definitely give a book you write as a wedding gift” or “to my daughters” and so on. That’s what has spurred me on. Even if I play a small part in starting the journey to peace and happiness in the home, even if I can help a family just a little with the whole re-inventing the wheel, recovering the collective memory thing, I will be content.
So all along I’ve had in mind something beautiful that could be given as a gift. Something durable too. I want to draw you in to my world where we can have a cup of tea, not mind that things are not perfect, and have a chat about how to do things and why.
The many (many) things I’ve written about here over the years have been sort of organized (as best I could do it) and edited to form what I hope is an accessible, abiding whole. And yes, it took three volumes! And yes, I wake up in the middle of the night worrying about all the things I didn’t put in there!
But don’t worry, I’ll still churn out the musings and proddings and doings and chats … it’s what I’m here for!
bits & piecesFor my new homeschooling readers, here is a short article nicely expressing the themes you will find here in my own approach: The Goal of Education Is to Learn to Love What We Ought to LoveDenis McNamara again — this time, an essay, in case videos are not your thing. The Rite Way to Understand a Church Building: Theology of the Order of the Dedication of a Church and an Altar. It’s so important that we understand that the building that is the church is more than “a gathering place” for worshippers. It has a sacred character of its own.Three Atheists Explain Why the Bible Should Be Taught in SchoolsI will probably post soon on my other blog, Happy Despite Them, some links regarding the expansion of Covid shots to children. I did want to bring to readers’ attention this article, about the one doctor who did not go along with the FDA’s approval. His observations seem reasonable: FDA advisory committee member who ABSTAINED from voting on vaccines for kids as young as five says there is not enough evidence all children need themBut did you see my commentary on gun safety, in the wake of Alec Baldwin’s tragic mistake and subsequent implication that someone else was at fault? No, the person handling the gun takes the responsibility. Basic gun safety (that everyone should know and pass on to their children as well).A Brief History of Perfume — makes me think about how incense is used in liturgy… or not so much any more…Always good to get a dose of Chesterton: The Wildness of DomesticityAdding just a little baking soda transforms your ground beef, apparently. I am going to try this, because I was rather dismayed by the sautéing I did the other day. I wonder how it works for a hamburger patty? Will I remember to try — grilling is over for a good long time now.from the archivesMy musings on C. S. Lewis’s oft-quoted aphorism about men without chests. Sadly the comments on the original post on the old blog got lost in the transfer. People had some good thoughts about it too. See what you think.That time I made Porchetta. The perfect sumptuous fall dish for a nice big gathering. liturgical livingSt. Alphonsus Rodriguez; then All Hallow’s Eve; then the Feast of All Saints; and then, All Souls!
follow us everywhere!My “random thoughts no pictures” blog, Happy Despite Them — receive it by email if you like, or bookmark, so you don’t miss a thing!
Stay abreast of the posts here at LMLD, when they happen:
Consider subscribing to this blog by email. In the current situation, if we can’t meet here, it would be good for us to be connected by email!
We share pretty pictures: Auntie Leila’s Instagram, Rosie’s Instagram. Sukie’s Instagram. Deirdre’s Instagram. Bridget’s Instagram.
Auntie Leila’s Facebook (you can just follow)
The boards of the others:
Rosie’s Pinterest.
Sukie’s Pinterest.
Deirdre’s Pinterest.
Habou’s Pinterest (you can still get a lot of inspiration here! and say a prayer for her!).
Bridget’s Pinterest.
The post Ta-Da! Behold my book(s): The Summa Domestica! appeared first on Like Mother Like Daughter.
October 23, 2021
Sourdough spent-grain bread
Long ago I posted something about my thoughts on how to bake an artisanal loaf of bread. It wasn’t super helpful, though, because I was seized with the need inspired to share my process at the moment that I was baking spent grain bread, which is rather esoteric. You need a husband who happens to be brewing and can supply you with the spent grain, and then you need to be ready to bake. The fact that I was also able to take pictures at that moment, vs. when I was making a simple loaf of white bread, isn’t much of an excuse.
But the various overall idea was still there, and I do hope you got a shred of bread-baking wisdom out of it. I don’t do it on purpose, obscure my advice… although I realize that’s how it turns out. I do have more “regular” directions — for sourdough baking here.
But recently, after a long hiatus in the brewing department, the Chief mixed up a batch and donated more spent grain to the domestic bakery. These days, I’m almost always using sourdough starter to leaven my bread dough, so I was wondering if I was up to the challenge. So I will inflict obscurity on you again. You are so patient!
It turned out so well! Very tasty. You can use the method with any soaked grain — doesn’t have to be the leftovers from beer-making! A cup of oats mixed with coarsely ground cornmeal or some cracked wheat will produce just as hearty loaves.
If you go here to that post, you will find the method using yeast, but what I’m about to tell you here is very similar. The yeast way, you need to make a starter (preferment or levain) with a little yeast, flour, and water; the sourdough way is to use a bit of your starter, not yeast.
If you are used to baking bread with yeast that you’ve proved in that manner, have confidence as you move over to sourdough baking. Instead of following painstaking directions, tell yourself “I know how to bake bread” and just substitute your (fed) starter for that yeast mixture.
I’m always learning more about sourdough baking. I have recently decided that I need to use more fed starter in my doughs, especially if they have a lot of heavy ingredients, like this spent grain bread does. However, even a little will work. It just takes more time.
The method, such as it is:
Spent Grain Bread
At least a cup of fed, lively starter — up to 2 cups. (I mix about 1/4 cup of starter with 1 cup of warm water and the following, enough to make a thick batter-like levain: all purpose or bread flour plus 2 tablespoons of rye flour, and 1 tablespoon of diastatic malt powder, which is optional but helps overall with the rise and gluten development)
1 cup of spent grains from brewing or some combination of oats, cornmeal, cracked wheat, or other whole-ish grains (put the rest in the freezer for next time)
6 cups of bread flour (actually I just fill my Kitchenaid 5qt mixer bowl up to about 3 inches from the top — who knows how much flour that is)
1 cup of whole wheat flour
1 tablespoon of salt (or 2 1/2 % of the weight of the combined flours, if you are using something other than table salt)
A little honey or molasses if you like, but the spent grain has a sweetness to it.
Enough warm water, added at a steady pace as the mixer runs, to make a nice dough, not too stiff, not too wet; probably around 3 cups
Combine all the ingredients by whichever method you prefer, hand or sturdy stand mixer (did you know that my Kitchenaid is nigh 30 years old? And that I’ve been abusing it the whole time I’ve owned it?)
Let the dough rest for at least 20 minutes.
Turn it out onto your counter and fold it over on itself a few times, gently but firmly. Let it rest for another 30 minutes and repeat the process of folding it into a new ball at least once and up to 3 more times. If you want to, you can precede these folds with a “lamination”: gently pull the dough out flat (about 1/2 inch thick all over) on a lightly floured surface and fold it by bringing one side into the middle and the other side over that to the edge; then fold the ends inwards in the same manner and roll it up into a ball. Continue with the folding process as described after a 30 minute rest. All this builds the gluten.
You can also skip any part of these directions after the first post-rest fold.
I usually do this “bulk rise” on my butcher block island, covering the dough with a damp cloth between folds. You could put it back in the bowl with the cloth.
Let the dough rise until it’s doubled, or if it’s on your counter and you can’t really tell about the volume, just note when it becomes rather puffy and seems much airier. If you are doing all the folds, you will notice that the dough feels taut but definitely gains more volume after each one.
After the last rest when it has risen nicely, gently pull it out if it’s in a bowl or spread it out if it’s on the counter and shape into your various loaves. I like to have different sizes so that I can choose what I want from my freezer, depending on who is here for supper. Also, my bannetons are, annoyingly, different sizes and shapes. I suppose their lack of uniformity quells my OCD, though, which would be in overdrive if I had to make each loaf weigh and be shaped exactly the same. But still, I would like the opportunity to try…
Sprinkle each loaf with flour and also dust your banneton liners with flour. I lost some liners along the way, so I use cloth napkins too. A napkin in a random loaf-sized basket or even bowl works just fine if you don’t have bannetons. You can also shape your dough and put it in the greased pan you want to bake it in, just like a regular yeasted dough.
Put the baskets or pans in the fridge, covered with a damp cloth if you aren’t using napkins that fold over the top.
After an overnight (or up to 12-hour) rest in the fridge, pre-heat your oven to 450°. You can bake your bread in a Dutch oven (directions here), but my method of filling my mixer bowl makes 4 loaves and that might take a while to bake them one by one.
I use a cookie sheet onto which I’ve placed two pieces of parchment paper to receive the shaped loaves and two small oven-proof dishes for boiling water — both methods are employed to add moisture to the air the loaves are baking in — the former using the moisture from the dough itself and trapping it; the latter adding it into the oven.
Mug for scale — these are compact little dishes that fit on the baking tray in between the loaves, filled with boiling water to provide steam for the bake.After 25 minutes, remove the dishes with the water or uncover your Dutch oven. Turn the oven down to 350° and bake for another 10-15 minutes (depending on the size of your loaf) or until the internal temperature reaches 200° and the loaf is a nice appealing color. (I highly recommend using your instant-read thermometer (affiliate link); feel free to go to a higher temp, but not lower.) Turn onto a cooling rack and cool completely.
I think you will enjoy this bread if ever you can get ahold of spent grains! I’m proud of the evenness of the crumb. It rose well and the air bubbles are interspersed throughout.
For a whole-grain-heavy loaf, the rise and oven-spring were excellent and the crumb is hearty but also moist and airy. There’s a sweetness from the brewing grains and a good whole-grain flavor overall.
bits & piecesA lovely reflection on the Little Way of Beauty. My son Joseph tweeted about Muphry’s Law a while ago and that reminded me of this syndrome of correcting a typo or grammatical error with the inevitable typo or grammatical error. One sad one I have observed is someone who replied to an error by saying “I’m a proof reader.” (If you don’t understand why this is ironic, go here to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, the standard reference dictionary in the US. And don’t blame me for any issues in this paragraph — I will simply refer you to Muphry’s [stet*] Law!) *proofreader’s note meaning “let it stand,” i.e., it’s not a mistake.John Cuddeback on “Love Learned from a Lady”In Ireland there is the Féile na gCloch (Festival of Stone). The Dry Stone Wall Association of Ireland hosts a miniature dry stone walling competition. Isn’t it fantastic? Check out the entries.San Clemente was the favorite church in Rome of our dear friend Fr. Paul Mankowski. It is indeed beautiful — and ancient, dating from the fourth century. Read about some of its colorful history here.The Morning Basket sets the peaceful tone for the day.from the archivesAs Advent approaches, my dear readers will note offerings of “devotional aids” to purchase and subscribe to — it’s the season to gin up the mill. And for that reason I wrote this post a while back. The success of Matthew Kelly has made the religion industry even bolder. Let me put it this way: get your spiritual direction from the tried-and-true. Sitting down to organize your homeschool with pen and paper isn’t just a way to keep records. It helps you clear your mind and make your way through the plethora of offerings that threaten to overwhelm. Setting goals is key, and sometimes the simple methods are best. Even if it’s almost November, if you feel like you are drowning in your daily schedule and curriculum demands, it might be worth it to do.liturgical livingfollow us everywhere!My “random thoughts no pictures” blog, Happy Despite Them — receive it by email if you like, or bookmark, so you don’t miss a thing!
Stay abreast of the posts here at LMLD, when they happen:
Consider subscribing to this blog by email. In the current situation, if we can’t meet here, it would be good for us to be connected by email!
We share pretty pictures: Auntie Leila’s Instagram, Rosie’s Instagram. Sukie’s Instagram. Deirdre’s Instagram. Bridget’s Instagram.
Auntie Leila’s Facebook (you can just follow)
The boards of the others:
Rosie’s Pinterest.
Sukie’s Pinterest.
Deirdre’s Pinterest.
Habou’s Pinterest (you can still get a lot of inspiration here! and say a prayer for her!).
Bridget’s Pinterest.
The post Sourdough spent-grain bread appeared first on Like Mother Like Daughter.
October 16, 2021
Homeschooling all of a sudden
Welcome new homeschoolers!
Today we return from a funeral (which is why this post is late!) of a good man who, among other things in his long, fruitful, and faith-filled life, participated in founding a small school that has grown quite a bit in recent years.
The original idea was for the families involved to rescue their own children from an educational system that was failing to teach them the true, the good, and the beautiful, and was in fact dangerous to their minds and hearts. That was over 30 years ago.
He died of old age, may he rest in peace.
I bring this up to ask you for prayers for Ray Kelly of course; and to be sure that we keep in mind that the need to remove our children from the system didn’t arise last year, although the particular attacks on their well being certainly had not been foreseen.
It wasn’t “twenty years ago” — that handy, but often inaccurate, default time-frame — either, that alert parents became aware that educators were abusing their time with children to deform them. Turning children against country, against God, and even against their own human nature is not a recent project of the Left. (William Kilpatrick wrote about what Marxists call “The Long March through the institutions” here, last year.)
The main founder and headmaster of this small school I mention (Trivium School), John Schmitt, had himself been educated at home in a fitful way, when his parents became frustrated with the teachers of a given year. That would have been in the 1940s and 50s…
Our own family began (also fitfully, at first) homeschooling in the late 80s. For years we were virtually alone in our town, although I was aware of those pioneers who had gone before us — their books and articles were of great help to me, and I refer to them often here on the blog.
So welcome to the movement! You will do great things. Save yourself re-inventing the wheel! One thing I know: economists are wondering where a huge chunk of the workforce has suddenly disappeared to — I know that many of those who have left are women, discovering that their home and their children need them.
I am here to affirm you in that noble understanding.
Poke around in our archives, take advantage of our links to others who have been educating their children at home for decades. Keep calm and enjoy your time together.
bits & piecesEvery week (or when I am able to post), I try to give you some interesting links from around the web. What kind of things? Maybe a longer article that I think will contribute to your understanding of some important issue; an edifying article for your students; I love things of beauty and want you to know; often something funny or lighthearted. (Just remember that when I send you somewhere via a link, I’m not necessarily endorsing the site or publication itself.) Lots of links this week!
Go here for Brook Taylor interviewing me on Relevant Radio! Go here for my husband Phil’s interview of Bishop Schneider — at the end I ask him a two-part question. Phil’s post about it, with which I totally concur, is here. Bari Weiss is always worth a read: “We Got Here Because of Cowardice. We Get Out With Courage.” Critical Race Theory is the academic title to a destructive idea that has finally coalesced into a missile aimed at the entire educational system. It ends in the tyranny of the silencing mob. You just need common sense to resist it.A fun story of the real-life 50s bride behind a magazine painting. Be sure to keep reading for an article on how this same bride and her groom lived the thrifting life back in the day, resulting in another magazine article with adorable illustrations.October is the month of the Rosary. If you don’t have the habit of praying this powerful prayer as a family, this is the month to get started! My friend Peter Kwasniewski has a spirited article on the Old Testament roots of the devotion that I hope will encourage you (husbands will love it)! The Rosary Sounds the Trumpet of the New Israel. (See below for my practical tips.) The Terrible Mercy And Love Of A Child’s Casket: Trappist monks who supply a sad need with great love.Scotland’s Spiritual Isle. Small steps to restoring a Catholic presence on Iona. Do you know the story of Fr. Kapaun? Make sure your children, especially your sons, learn of his gallant deeds. A short article: Medal of Honor Recipient Chaplain (Capt.) Emil J. Kapaun. His remains on the battlefield have been found — an epic achievement of devotion: How that happened; and Diocese of Wichita, Kansas, set to welcome home remains of Father Kapaun. Weird that human jaws are shrinking, leading to orthodontic and other problems. Also weird that the article doesn’t mention anything about the decline in breastfeeding, also world-wide. from the archivesSpeaking of breastfeeding, I have lots of posts for you on that topic, because all things raising children relate to educating them. Also search “nursing the baby” archives.Praying the Rosary as a family — small steps. Also see my book, The Little Oratory, for the key to prayer in the home.Thrifting tips to get you started.liturgical livingToday is the feast of St. Hedwig.
follow us everywhere!follow us everywhere!
My “random thoughts no pictures” blog, Happy Despite Them — receive it by email if you like, or bookmark, so you don’t miss a thing!
Stay abreast of the posts here at LMLD, when they happen:
Consider subscribing to this blog by email. In the current situation, if we can’t meet here, it would be good for us to be connected by email!
We share pretty pictures: Auntie Leila’s Instagram, Rosie’s Instagram. Sukie’s Instagram. Deirdre’s Instagram. Bridget’s Instagram.
Auntie Leila’s Facebook (you can just follow)
The boards of the others:
Rosie’s Pinterest.
Sukie’s Pinterest.
Deirdre’s Pinterest.
Habou’s Pinterest (you can still get a lot of inspiration here! and say a prayer for her!).
Bridget’s Pinterest.
The post Homeschooling all of a sudden appeared first on Like Mother Like Daughter.
September 25, 2021
Our kids are stressed out
I guess this is turning into a bit of a series. I keep getting emails… since many fall along similar themes, let’s discuss.
The basic idea coming through the mail is that Mom feels bad because she didn’t heed my toddler advice, and now she is worried that her child is not disciplined. He comes home, maybe from school or an outside event for homeschoolers, acting grumpy and not showing an obedient spirit. I will mainly talk about school, but some of the factors apply to homeschoolers as well when they have an unusually long day out and about.
Auntie Leila is all for obedience, but please remember that a child out in the world is really under stress. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it is a thing. And now, in many places, children are not able to act normally, even when the old normal was already pretty darned restricted. Even before lockdowns and pandemic regulations, children were already not allowed much in the way of recess at school, and just what we call here at the Manse “getting your ya-yas out.”
But now it’s truly grievous. Children are kept apart, which is incomprehensible to them. Masks are making them miserable and often sick. Most of all, they certainly get the impression from the world that they are unclean and sources of contagion. This summer I encountered many masked children out in the wilderness (in 100° heat) with unmasked parents. I get the supposed logic; so do they: it’s that they are the problem and are putting everyone at risk.
I’m sure the teachers aren’t handling super well the mental strain of relating to many young people whose faces are covered, not to mention the staffing shortages that are making everyone testy. You don’t think children sense the general anxiety?
Even in the best of circumstances, and especially when we are talking about boys, the schoolchild has spent all day away from home, holding it together internally. He has to cope with people he doesn’t necessarily mesh with and lots of noise and other stimuli. Even the smells are a challenge.
In his mind, home is the refuge where his inner sense of having been tested continually, which he could never put into words, is understood. At home he feels can totally relax and not have to be on alert for crazy, seemingly random adult standards. At home things smell right and there is peace.
Some of that conflict is necessary; our responsibility is to help the child gradually let go of the idea that he can go on totally abandoning himself to his animal nature or the infant nature that we all subconsciously long for — to have our every need taken care of without having to do anything, like a little baby.
But an essential part of what the child feels is true; we should respect his trust and not make arrival at home the time to rectify all the problems. At re-entry, the child should find a mother who is understanding and sympathetic at a basic level, a mother with a little pity for her child along with her plans for his betterment. So she should make home welcoming, nice smelling, and orderly. And she herself should be the welcome.
Trust me when I tell you that I was not the best at this. I often put my adult anxieties on my children and neglected to make that effort to see things from their point of view. I hope that you can learn from my immaturity. One thing I’ve learned is that I’m impatient when I’ve not been doing my own duty, am truly overcommitted, or am not realizing that everyone makes mistakes and I could show them the grace I’d like for myself.
So the key learning here is that when he comes home, you really need to greet him with a smile and a hug. Smile at him before he smiles at you. Really write this down on your to-do list: Smile at him when he comes in or gets in the car. Hug him. Every single day. When your 5- or 8- or 11-year-old becomes an adolescent you probably will need to pull back a little, so get the hugs in now.
Say his name with love and a nice little exclamation point. You know, everyone loves hearing his own name said with affection! Don’t just emit a weak “hi,” moving on to demands. Say, “Tommy! Hi!” Hide every feeling of irritation and exasperation for at least let’s say a quarter of an hour, no matter how grouchy and positively disheveled he may appear, so that his first encounter with you is one that ratifies the inner happiness he feels at coming home.
Remember, a lot of what you are seeing is attitude because children often put on an especially pitiful demeanor for their mothers. Don’t react to attitude but meet it with genuine cheerfulness and even a sense of humor if you can muster it. Ruffle his hair. After decompression, address any issues and give any orders calmly and in a pleasant tone of voice.
In order to achieve or even have a slim chance at approximating this peaceful situation, front-end your housework. Yes, children need to do chores at home, but make sure your chores are done so that they aren’t working in disorder, and give them a chance to switch gears. After all, it’s hardly fair to ask a mere child to be more in control of life than you are yourself!
Supper needs to be thought through/defrosted/prepped by 10 am so that at 4:30 pm you aren’t losing your cool because your offspring are so incapable of planning ahead. So yes, this means spending your morning preparing for your evening.
Give your arriving child a chance to wash up without hurrying him. If he’s been wearing a mask (I hope not!), make sure he washes his face. After he has changed his clothes, offer a snack (it can be very simple — bread and butter with a glass of milk is nice, as are graham crackers with cream cheese — no need to Pinterest it up). Let him flop a bit.
Cultivate this important skill: don’t demand responses from him right way. Don’t ask him how his day was! “How was your day?” is one of the most taxing questions for anyone to answer at the best of times; it’s particularly difficult for a person who has been drained of all survival energy units in every way.
In a bit, if he hasn’t contentedly run outside to frolic, you can say something like, “Did you talk to anyone interesting today?” Or, “Did you have time to play with your friends?” Try to remember what was said yesterday and ask a follow-up on the specifics. Or if you keep a wise silence, you might find that he opens up unexpectedly, and tells you things about his day that you were unaware of.
Mainly I want to say, don’t waste time lamenting the past and your various failures. I am sure you did better than you think, because it is human nature to regret what went before, and also, God wants us to be humble.
Just begin again now. It’s never too late to try to be understanding, to have insight into what those we love are possibly struggling with, and to express a little more affection, even as you strive to instill good habits of obedience and discipline in the troops at home.
Lots of love and a big hug!
bits & piecesLast week saw the 700th anniversary of Dante Alighieri’s death. I didn’t post then, so I am catching up now! Here is an interesting article about the celebrations. At the Chief’s Center, Robert Royal gave a fascinating talk about what The Divine Comedy says to us today. Here you can see 700 years of that work in art. Speaking of podcasts at the Center, I forgot to share with you the one that he did with moi! If you want to hear the two of us talking about my book, newly printed in its 2nd edition, of God Has No Grandchildren, here you go:You can find all the podcasts on the site, and other cultural nuggets, here. I was interviewed by the gracious Brooke Taylor on, well, a lot of things. At first she planned to talk about this post I did on my other blog; pretty soon we settled on just talking about all things Like Mother, Like Daughter. See what you think! And here’s the video version which is uncut and even longer, yikes. The thing is, we really did hit it off; Brooke is clearly a kindred spirit! We could have talked for a lot longer than that!I have recommended Denis McNamara’s lectures on sacred architecture before. This one is particularly lively — your high school student could greatly benefit from it! I certainly did! Columns are human! Festivity is putting stuff on stuff! The Milgram Experiment. Worth reading; shocking. That reminds me of an article I have posted not too long ago, but is also worth revisiting: Stella Morabito’s 2015 essay, How to Escape Mass Delusion. Spoiler: avoiding it all comes back to personal relationships and being willing to say what you really think to your friends.I don’t know why I have so many videos this week, but here’s a short and charming one about a lovely lady in the UK who founded a guild to repair liturgical vestments. I would like to be her friend, wouldn’t you? I think she’d be friends with us.
An article about the strange and marked decrease in asthma suffering during the pandemic. Speaking of stress. Could it be a factor? Maybe we ask too much of our children out in the world.from the archivesA friend who lives in another part of the country told me she chanced to meet someone in another town over from her, who mentioned the blog — and thus they discovered a mutual interest. We like to think that we can be a meeting point and jumping off platform for your St. Gregory Pocket (whatever you want to call it! But St. Gregory is a good patron for this enterprise). Get together to discuss a post, stay together to build a community for your children.Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle gets an update, but maybe skip it.liturgical livingSt. Finbarr. Upcoming: Michaelmas (and all the archangels’ feasts!), September 29! Roast a goose if you have one, and perhaps make a honey cake!
follow us everywhere!My “random thoughts no pictures” blog, Happy Despite Them — receive it by email if you like, or bookmark, so you don’t miss a thing!
Stay abreast of the posts here at LMLD, when they happen:
Consider subscribing to this blog by email. In the current situation, if we can’t meet here, it would be good for us to be connected by email!
We share pretty pictures: Auntie Leila’s Instagram, Rosie’s Instagram. Sukie’s Instagram. Deirdre’s Instagram. Bridget’s Instagram.
Auntie Leila’s Facebook (you can just follow)
The boards of the others:
Rosie’s Pinterest.
Sukie’s Pinterest.
Deirdre’s Pinterest.
Habou’s Pinterest (you can still get a lot of inspiration here! and say a prayer for her!).
Bridget’s Pinterest.
The post Our kids are stressed out appeared first on Like Mother Like Daughter.
September 11, 2021
Toddler life
You have a four-year-old, a two-year-old, and a little baby, eh? Or something like that? I have a little pep talk for you if you feel conflicted about needing to do some work in your home but not wanting to be a mean mom who doesn’t play with her kids. You’re getting exhausted and life might not feel like it’s fun right now, because you feel guilty.
You are entering a new stage. You really have to run your home — who will do it if you don’t?
Your children need to learn to play without you. Being efficient in your housework and seeing it as your work is a positive good and you should not feel guilty about it.
In a well ordered home, children fit into family life and its workings — this is good for them. It’s actually not healthy for them to feel that you are at their beck and call. Don’t absorb advice from every source; hone your observation and note a certain anxiety, a lack of peace, in families where the mother sees herself as recreation director and child-appeaser rather than house-keeper, maker of the home.
Children — love them! — are opportunistic; they never settle down if they think mom will come running and doesn’t have other things to do than to play with them. Many interpret this dynamic to mean that mother should work outside the home, but being beholden to an outside entity is not good either. You want to be available and devoted, but not to the children per se — to the home, to your husband, and to the whole enterprise, into which they must fit — for their own good.
You can navigate this stage you with littles if it’s got you off kilter by treating it as a bit of a challenge, like a difficult course where you just have to put the work in for a few weeks. Maybe you need to figure out your particular child’s play style, to do what you can to facilitate it.
Believe me, it’s a joy when children can play on their own without your involvement. But some have to learn to do it. Some children really do need to be shown how to play with their little dolls or trucks or play kitchen, some need to discover outside play without someone hovering, some can’t figure out how to settle down to drawing, and so on. This process can involve a little pain, a little crying, a bit of sitting there moping and scowling — and the kids will find it tough too… Just kidding. Stay cheerful and offer the occasional outright bribe. Soon you will win through.
At this age, they won’t really spend much time on any one activity — hang in there, because soon enough they will be old enough to have a concentration level (and the younger ones will get the hang of it from the older ones as your family grows). Keep working on it. This time is a process and it’s a bit rough — it’s the same sort of developmental stage as the postpartum time. Remember that? Remember how impossible it sometimes seemed?
It may take weeks to discover your new rhythm and how to achieve it, but you are the one to do it, to show them how to play together without your constant presence.
The key is to have your day divided into different blocks so that they build habits of turning from one activity to another without a crisis.
Of course, several times a day you collect them to read them a story – nursing the baby is the perfect time — or have them sit with you in the kitchen while you work on a meal. You need a rest too, and cuddles with undivided attention come naturally at those pauses. When your work is orderly, there will actually be more (guilt-free) time for individual attention, not less!
When you are tidying up, you can give them a task or two and you might find that they prefer to play — the wise mother will let these young children do so, to reinforce that very habit. Don’t undermine this project of independent play by suddenly requiring dogged (and unrealistic) obedience in the matter of chores. One thing at a time.
Meet other moms at the playground and indicate to them that you are interested in visiting with them while the children run and play — avoid spending a lot of time at the swings! Say “I’ll give you some pushes but then you will need to go off with your friends and I’m going to visit with my friends too! Off you go.”
To avoid worrying about being the mean mom, remember — act, don’t react. When you are about to enter the store or library, stop and give these troublemakers a little pep talk about what you expect. Know that the four-year-old is the lynchpin, for whatever he does, the two-year-old will imitate.
Focus on letting him know that if he misbehaves you will leave the store and go straight home, where he will get a spanking. “You’re my big boy (or girl) and I depend on you for good behavior.”
Tell them that if they shop with you nicely you will get them a treat — tell them what the treat is beforehand and warn them that if they ask for other things they will get nothing. The treat can be animal crackers — nothing fancy! You can indeed open it in the store (the cookie aisle is usually halfway through) and let them start munching. No one cares — actually, they are relieved that your kids are not whining.
Carrot and stick, but all laid out beforehand. “If you ask me for things you will get a spanking when we get home.” Be firm and clear about your expectations. Then sail into the store with great confidence. Don’t forget to enjoy your children.
Plan your trip so that it’s as short as it can be. Build them up to good behavior on outings. Don’t expect to go through the store in that wandering way we sometimes have, spending an hour examining everything. Better to go twice with a detailed list, spending 22 minutes each time, than once, spending an hour but with wailing kids. You’re building habits and you want them to succeed, so make it possible for them to succeed! Don’t push your luck! In and out. “We’re going through this line and then when we get to the car I’ll give you your raisin box. Look at that bunch of balloons! Aren’t they colorful?”
These strategies work for home time as well, when you approach each part of your day as “an outing” that requires a little preparation and forethought. That’s why I have spent so much time here at Like Mother, Like Daughter on meal planning, because when we ourselves are sort of meandering through the day without a plan, astonished at 5 pm that dinner is looming, how can we expect our toddlers to maintain a good attitude?
“Now I have to go into the kitchen and do some work for supper; why don’t you get the duplo out and build a farm?” “I’m putting baby on this blanket so she can look around. You two get your baby dolls and feed them lunch, or line up your trucks over here and have a convoy.” “In a minute I’m going to do the laundry; you two can run outside — here are some pretzel rods to take with you.” (I am a big fan of pretzel rods. They are sturdy and they take a while to eat.)
If you do your meal prep at 10 am (or at least know what you are having and begin thawing/braising/soaking) you will find that things are a lot smoother than if you do it at 4:45… If at 3:30 you sit them down with a little snack for “tea time” things will be calmer than if you suddenly realize all you have to do before supper and they are starving because you also spaced out on a snack. Front-end your own work and leave the afternoons for a more relaxed vibe.
This stage won’t last long and all your efforts will pay off! If these two older ones learn good habits, your work is done. All the others will fall into line, or at least, their training needs will diminish accordingly! By your sixth child, you won’t even remember that toddler days are hard.
By the way, there might be some big-picture elements to attend to for smoother days. How about a fence around your yard (even the part of it that is just outside the back door)? A big sandbox is a great investment. Put unused toys on a high shelf or back in a closet. Pull them out when they have exhausted their play with the others. (This strategy can also help you remove toy clutter permanently — it becomes all very clear which ones are simply not missed.)
See how it goes. Give these thoughts a week of intensive implementation. Plan each day out before you get to it; visualize all the steps you need to line up for each activity. Get ahead of your children. Carve out times for them to play all on their own.
Do your own work without guilt. It’s good for them to discover each other and their own independence!
You’re a good mom!
bits & piecesBitcoin, who understands it. The Morality of Bitcoin by Eric Sammons Balance free play with instruction in manners, medieval-style!Intruiging: a painting within a Vermeer, discoveredJosquin is one of my husband’s favorite composers (mine too)Plexiglass Nation. Planned Parenthood has found a new societal ill to monetize: hormones for gender “transitioning”. “Hormone therapy has become popular as a means of artificially suppressing the sex characteristics of those who feel misaligned with their biological sex.” It should be obvious that a person cannot change his sex, but sadly, the protocols to administer dangerous medicines are in place in the US. Read about Kiera Bell’s case in the UK. from the archivesFirst rule of discipline: Act, Don’t ReactA long, meandering post (am I the worst blogger or what) that finally gets to the point about whether spanking is good discipline (well, that part is linked within, but meanwhile I explain why withholding affection is actually cruel).liturgical livingfollow us everywhere!My “random thoughts no pictures” blog, Happy Despite Them — receive it by email if you like, or bookmark, so you don’t miss a thing!
Stay abreast of the posts here at LMLD, when they happen:
Consider subscribing to this blog by email. In the current situation, if we can’t meet here, it would be good for us to be connected by email!
We share pretty pictures: Auntie Leila’s Instagram, Rosie’s Instagram. Sukie’s Instagram. Deirdre’s Instagram. Bridget’s Instagram.
Auntie Leila’s Facebook (you can just follow)
The boards of the others: Rosie’s Pinterest. Sukie’s Pinterest. Deirdre’s Pinterest. Habou’s Pinterest (you can still get a lot of inspiration here! and say a prayer for her!). Bridget’s Pinterest.
The post Toddler life appeared first on Like Mother Like Daughter.
August 28, 2021
Ask Auntie Leila: My husband adds to the mess
I haven’t done an Ask Auntie Leila in a while, and this question got me going, because the answer is both practical and metaphysical or at least goes to the real differences between men and women. (But as you will see, in some marriages it’s the wife (me) who leaves her clothes on the chair, and the husband (The Chief) who never does… )
Dear Auntie Leila,
I’ve lapped up your advice on a reasonably clean home, but one question remains in my mind. What do you do about the husband adding to the mess? I have tried a number of approaches and currently, I just try not to touch any of his at all! Even trash! He’s a grown man and he is perfectly capable of picking things up himself. And he does, on his own schedule. I also haven’t been saying anything about it to him. This has actually led to more peace in our house since he doesn’t feel nagged and I don’t feel the need to mother him.
However, how do I get a clean and calm master bedroom with a mountain of clothes all over it that aren’t really mine to pick up?
More generally, what do you do about the difference between standards of cleanliness between men and women?
Love,
Mountain [of hubby’s clothes] Housewife
Dear Mrs. Mountain,
So, let’s start with the radically practical: do you have wastebaskets in your most used rooms? Here at my house, only the living room and dining room don’t have wastebaskets. The den, pantry, mudroom, study, all the bathrooms, and all the bedrooms do. I think there is a correlation between homes with bits of trash on the floor and no wastebaskets in the rooms.
I’m not sure what kind of trash your husband is generating on a scale that prompts you to write to Auntie Leila, but having wastebaskets (and they can be small, pretty, and definitely lined with a plastic bag) can really help with this problem. In our family, we are nose-blowing, busy, but also lazy people who cannot be motivated to jump up and throw our tissues or tags or magazine inserts into the central trash in the kitchen. Why fight it? Put a wastebasket within reach.
Likewise, in your bedroom, besides a wastebasket, do you have a hamper? I suggest a large hamper, strategically placed where his dirty clothes usually land. I also suggest, if you don’t have such things, a rack of hooks on the back of the closet door or other convenient spot, a chair for temporary placement of articles, and even one of these — they are called silent butlers or valet stands:
Some people present as slobs and actually are slobs because no one taught them certain habits. Some, paradoxically, suffer from a certain degree of refinement that escapes normally tidy people. They are paralyzed by their own overthinking and thus a slob is born.
They don’t want to put worn but still wearable clothing into a drawer or closet because to them, the category is all wrong. The item is not perfectly clean, their subconscious tells them, nor is it really in need of washing. It’s somewhere in the middle, and so on the floor or chair (if there is a chair) it goes.
If your husband either of these creatures, true slob or undiagnosed overthinker, he needs to give himself new habits and/or recognize his sorting issue and be helped along that path to overcoming it — or at least to refraining from giving up and piling everything randomly on the floor. But if he can at least be convinced to put soiled things in the hamper, you will have moved the project along considerably.
In both cases, trash and laundry, the receptacle can be placed near where the offenses tend to occur and then gradually, over months if necessary, moved to a less obtrusive location.
Another cause of clutter is addressed in what I consider required reading, Christopher Alexander’s A Pattern Language. (affiliate link) Alexander addresses the undeniable reality that people come in the door to their own home and have items they need to put down.
Instead of thwarting this inevitable occurrence by offering storage places nowhere near the door, simply place what he calls “a waist-high shelf” right there. It can be a chest of drawers, a narrow table or bench (lower than waist high but still accessible), an actual shelf bracketed to the wall, or a lidded barrel, I suppose!
It can have optimistic shallow baskets on it for collecting the various objects into some sort of order. But it all comes down to this, that the entry needs to have a spot within reach for these items one is carrying, or they will end up in the living areas or the kitchen counters, just strewn around and annoying you.
Now, as to how to address the problem. You are right that the wife shouldn’t mother and/or nag, and I congratulate you for your perspicacity! I’m also proud of you for not giving way to anger or bitterness, but simply wanting to solve the problem.
The housewife can tidy up after her husband somewhat — this is her job, and there are things he does for her, such as cleaning up the trash that the raccoon got into, killing scorpions, and getting up at 2 am to go into the flooded basement to put the sump pump back on its seating when it falls over, that wouldn’t stand up to the “roommate” model that so many approach marriage with.
In other words, you’re not roommates who should adversarially divide up the tasks equally. It’s normal for the woman to be more concerned with tidiness and the man to take on heavier tasks (which is why, by the way, it’s utterly stupid for men and women to be housemates; besides chastity issues, they will default to these natural roles with none of the grace of marriage to help them over the resentment of feeling taken advantage of).
(All that said, full disclosure, I am the chair-putter-onner of clothing in our master bedroom, and my husband is the stow-everything-awayer of our relationship.)But all this doesn’t mean you can’t get him to cooperate! Here is the strategy I recommend:
First, you put the needed objects into the rooms, as described above. Wastebaskets, hampers, horizontal surfaces in key spots. Display them prominently, use them yourself, point out their existence. “Oh look! A receptacle for unwanted items!” See what transpires.
If the difficulty doesn’t magically disappear, move on to Plan B, which is remarkably enough, to have a conversation about these matters, including reference to your own progress. Yes, talk about it! Without rancor, blame, scape-goating, or accusation. “Did you notice that thanks to Auntie Leila I have improved so much in my housekeeping?” You don’t actually have to mention my name, of course… “I’ve been working hard on making our home reasonably clean and attractive — what do you think about that? I am hoping you have tracked an improvement!”
Eventually, you want him to want to affirm you in this endeavor with deeds and also to do what men do so well, solve some of your problems. “I have a little difficulty with daily clutter, though. I’ve tried putting in some measures like hampers and a landing spot for things we want handy, but what do you think about these things that keep turning up?” And then mention what they are. Let him figure it out. It may take time.
My Marine son-in-law says be straightforward and don’t beat around the bush. “Here is this credenza I bought with your hard-earned money [he didn’t quite put it that way] — please put your keys on it and your boots under it.” “See this large hamper in the middle of our bedroom? Please put your dirty clothes in it every night or at least morning, for the love–!!” “Looks like a gorilla came through here! My new hamper must be invisible!” (Humor is something men consider straightforward and helpful, yet women rarely use it, oddly.)
On other occasions, be sure to be appreciative. “Thank you so much for picking up that trash. It’s amazing how much better I feel about my day when things are tidy!” “I’m grateful you used the hamper. You are the best.”
Also be appreciative in a verbal way (not just in your head) about the non-housekeeping tasks he undertakes, whatever they may be. Everyone needs to be affirmed, and I bet there are many things he does that you take for granted. “I am so relieved you spoke to the mechanic about that problem — I just am not up to dealing with that! You have the right way of taking care of it.”
I’m sure things will improve somewhat, over time. But even if they don’t, I think it’s in the job description of the wife to pick up after him if necessary. I realize this opinion is rather countercultural, but it’s only the sense that we have other, more important things to do that makes the task unpleasant rather than peaceful. Our husbands work hard and really, he probably just doesn’t see the problem. I know there are bad habits I have that I just don’t see — even after having been told… and asked… and praised…
So there are some practical thoughts. You have already seen that if we tidy with love, love will prevail.
Lots of love and a big hug,
Auntie Leila
bits & piecesReading in spare moments (this whole blog seems right up our alley!). Moms today tend to grab their phones when nursing the baby, but try to have interesting books (see my Library Posts for inspiration) in strategic places. Also put a reading rack in the bathroom. Five minutes here, five minutes there, adds up to a lot of reading! Style Reveals the Man — Joseph Epstein, excellent prose stylist, on F. L. Lucas’s book on the subject of what constitutes excellent prose, Style. I would have my high school upperclassman read this article, and I plan to search out the book as well!Arouca Press published my book about the Church’s ancient teaching on marriage, God Has No Grandchildren.(affiliate link) This article reviews some of its recent offerings (including mine), pointing out how tempting they all are. The press focuses on recovering the patrimony of the Church. A new endeavor: Brownstone Institute. Looks promising.A long read, and a shocking but a necessary one, of lessons from revolutionary Russia: Suicide of the Liberals by Gary Saul Morson. “Revolutions never succeed without the support of wealthy, liberal, educated society. Yet revolutionaries seldom conceal that their success entails the seizure of all wealth, the suppression of dissenting opinion, and the murder of class enemies.”
My South African friend Anel sent me this lovely recording of the Our Father in Afrikaans, performed with great delicacy by the Cape Town Youth Choir:
from the archivesThe Reasonably Clean HouseThe fourth secret to destruction-proofing your familyWhy The Little Oratory is still the book the world needs now, and not because I helped write it, but because without prayer in the home we are sunk, and for prayer we need beauty in place.liturgical livingToday is the feast of St. Augustine, Doctor of Grace!
In the coming week, we will celebrate the feast of St. Gregory the Great — Sept. 3. If you have a St. Greg’s Pocket, get together for a picnic! If not, think of starting one! If there’s one near you (look at the list), but it seems like it’s not active, email me to get it going. Here are my reading suggestions, which make a great jumping off point!
follow us everywhere!My “random thoughts no pictures” blog, Happy Despite Them — receive it by email if you like, or bookmark, so you don’t miss a thing!
Stay abreast of the posts here at LMLD, when they happen:
Consider subscribing to this blog by email. In the current situation, if we can’t meet here, it would be good for us to be connected by email!
We share pretty pictures: Auntie Leila’s Instagram, Rosie’s Instagram. Sukie’s Instagram. Deirdre’s Instagram. Bridget’s Instagram.
Auntie Leila’s Facebook (you can just follow)
The boards of the others: Rosie’s Pinterest. Sukie’s Pinterest. Deirdre’s Pinterest. Habou’s Pinterest (you can still get a lot of inspiration here! and say a prayer for her!). Bridget’s Pinterest.
The post Ask Auntie Leila: My husband adds to the mess appeared first on Like Mother Like Daughter.
August 21, 2021
The liturgical year sorts out all your worries
I always say to beware of anyone telling you something like “The One Thing You Need To Know” about most things, but particularly when it comes to Christianity. A religion of paradoxes (three Persons in one God, the last shall be first, lose your life to find it, and so on) can hardly be amenable to tidy meme-ification.
And yet… the liturgical year is perhaps not that One Thing, but it is All The Things.
Last week I tried briefly to offer some perspective on keeping your peace at home and simultaneously planning to teach your children while observing what other people say they do to teach their children.
I’m sure all these organized people are wonderful — and certainly when we need inspiration (which is a good deal of the time), they are appreciated. I for one am happy they are showing us what they do.
But it is well to remember that any one person can only do some of the things some of the time, and what I am trying to say here at LMLD is that knowing what’s for dinner, getting some laundry done, and tidying up might not make for a fancy IG feed, but it will help you not lose your mind.
But once you start on the road to order, you quickly realize that the liturgical year actually is the real key to everything. “The liturgical year is… Christ Himself,” says Pope Pius XII in his encyclical Mediator Dei:
165. Hence, the liturgical year, devotedly fostered and accompanied by the Church, is not a cold and lifeless representation of the events of the past, or a simple and bare record of a former age. It is rather Christ Himself who is ever living in His Church.
Moving through the year in tune with the Church offers us a sacred rhythm that becomes in itself the most fruitful path to encounter God and His will for us. Right now, when minds turn to the coming school year and anxiety (as well as excitement) can run high, remembering that there is this path helps a lot. Among other things, following the liturgical year will, in an organic way, assist us in knowing how to prioritize and evaluate our goals in our own small-c curricula.
Even the secular calendar makes more sense when seen in the light of the sacred one. To take a small example that charmingly ratifies my intuition, every November I am surprised and delighted to be reminded that the feast of St. Martin coincides with Veterans Day, as well as what used to be called Armistice Day and Remembrance Day. And this is no coincidence, because traditionally peace treaties were sought and signed on his feast, and the Armistice ending World War I was deliberately scheduled for the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month. Of course, St. Martin of Tours was a soldier who followed Christ, and the patron, as a veteran, of soldiers.
Anyway, my point is that if you put what you may feel is very limited energy towards making the liturgical year your pattern, you will experience flourishing in your home and your school. I can promise it!
I do have a book that helps. Basically, it’s the book I wished I had had when I was starting out, so I am overcoming my reluctance to self-promote in order to make sure that you know about it. The Little Oratory: A Beginner’s Guide to Praying in the Home (affiliate link) is for prayer and also for practical acquisition of an organizing principle firmly attached to the transcendent. Unlike other books, it is not a big hodge-podge of devotions and more things to put on our plate that may or may not relate to our situation and inclinations. Rather, we try to convey the idea of how the liturgy itself simplifies and unites us in ancient, continuous, and universal prayer, elegantly overcoming the syndrome of ever-multiplying oughts and musts.
Liturgical time is made up of all the units — moments, hours, days, weeks, seasons, years, even decades and millennia (think of Jubilee centenaries!). Sanctifying those units helps the confused and whiplashed family on their way to a more calm existence. The book goes into more detail and focuses on the traditional practice of making a little oratory or home altar — but for those desperately searching for Order and Wonder, I just want to say, the liturgical year observed in the home is the organizing principle.
bits & piecesI did not know Fr. Joseph Koterski, but those who did loved him, and a mutual friend of Fr. Mankowski, who also died suddenly this past year, says that the young orthodox Jesuits cite both of them as mentors and role models. After reading this remembrance, I do wish I had met him.Leila Miller continues to tell the truth about marriage and the devastation of divorce. A lot of what is going on now in our society amounts to coercion — coerced speech and coerced action. This student stood up to his institution — a seminary — and won his battle against being forced to proclaim himself a racist.It has come to my attention that some of my links to the beloved C. S. Lewis doodles are broken. I just wanted to make sure to direct you here to their youtube channel, CSLewisDoodle.The Miracle of Western Art“It is not a secret that there is a war on art, a war against the good and beautiful. The new Vandals are on the move…
“Sacred art is a cornerstone of Western culture, identity, and faith. It is a cornerstone of true culture, a culture which celebrates life and the ascent of man to God. Even “secular art” contains the traces of Christian truth and beauty in it.”
I often urge readers to get the book As Nature Made Him by Joseph Colapinto (affiliate link; it’s actually at my town library, which is how I found it*) to understand the evil pseudo-science underlying transgender ideology. The book exposes the movement’s founder, Dr. John Money, as the manipulative liar he was. This article condenses the heartbreaking event that catapulted Money into his expert status — and the little boy who suffered for it. *Did you know that you can request that the library buy a book you are interested in? This one would be good to have in its stacks.We just celebrated the feast of the great St. Bernard of Clairvaux, and that gives me the opportunity to shock you with some venerable sacred art on the topic of the lactation of that saint — the Blessed Virgin bestowing her breastmilk upon him! Prepare yourself to confront your 21st-century prudery! “Our culture today doesn’t exactly have a healthy view of the human body or sexuality. This story has been generally accepted and preserved for centuries in the Catholic tradition. If such a story doesn’t make sense to us today, perhaps we should consider that it is because we are lacking something in our views of these things.”from the archivesI did plant tomatillos this year and they are doing better than last year (which was my first time). One salsa-making issue here in my New England garden is that the cilantro has gone to seed and disappeared by the time the tomatillos and tomatoes are ripe and the peppers have started to grow. But other than that, I am on board to make more roasted tomatillo salsa!If you are looking for that solid science curriculum that fits in between elementary and high school, I recommend Christopher Blum and John Cuddeback’s Nature’s Beautiful Order. These two college profs write well and know how to bring science and philosophy together.liturgical livingToday is the feast of St. Pope Pius X! We are devoted to him… I recommend you read his short encyclical on what exactly is required for your child to receive First Holy Communion (in the Roman rite). You might be surprised at how simple he makes it. And you might be surprised at who he says is the child’s primary instructor (no, not mom!).
This saint also renewed Gregorian chant and expressed the place of the Psalms in worship, which is quite relevant to my post today! You can read an inspiring selection from his teaching on this subject in today’s Office of Readings.
How do we have a relic of St. Pope Pius X?
After the death of my mother-in-law, there was a considerable sorting out of the household goods. Eventually it dwindled, for us, to a box of what seemed to me to be assorted pieces of costume jewelry and, well, junk. I almost just chucked the whole thing, but of course in the end, I sat down and went through it, piece by piece.
Among the trinkets was this relic. So I am glad I took the time!
The plate is something I found at Marshalls (I actually found two and gave one to a friend). It’s quite small, as you can see in the first picture of this post, and it depicts St. Peter’s on the left and the Castel Sant’Angelo on the right, with the Tiber in the foreground.
follow us everywhere!My “random thoughts no pictures” blog, Happy Despite Them — receive it by email if you like, or bookmark, so you don’t miss a thing!
Stay abreast of the posts here at LMLD, when they happen:
Consider subscribing to this blog by email. In the current situation, if we can’t meet here, it would be good for us to be connected by email!
We share pretty pictures: Auntie Leila’s Instagram, Rosie’s Instagram. Sukie’s Instagram. Deirdre’s Instagram. Bridget’s Instagram.
Auntie Leila’s Facebook (you can just follow)
The boards of the others: Rosie’s Pinterest. Sukie’s Pinterest. Deirdre’s Pinterest. Habou’s Pinterest (you can still get a lot of inspiration here! and say a prayer for her!). Bridget’s Pinterest.
The post The liturgical year sorts out all your worries appeared first on Like Mother Like Daughter.
August 14, 2021
On the run, just need to say this about homeschooling
The beauty of stepping out of the conventional education mainstream into homeschooling is the freedom. But there is one thing I want to tell you, as you scroll through photos of the highly organized and fully developed curricula that some mothers display and all the catalogues offer. I need you to know something as you contemplate expensive and highly developed systems for educating your child at home.
It has to do with your goal. It’s diabolically easy to substitute one goal for another, and to inadvertently order all your priorities towards the wrong ending point. So be sure that you are aiming to offer your child a good education so that he can learn. Take care that you are not working this hard to achieve the status of completely organized homeschool parent who Teaches All the Things.
Those two things could be the same. But the likelihood that you would be completely organized is, I hate to tell you, very low. Sorry. And there are a lot of things that could be taught… I think it’s actually not possible to teach them all. The world is so full of a number of things that we might end up as worried as kings!
Striving for a picture-perfect curriculum, all squared away before school even starts, is unrealistic. (It’s even unrealistic to think you’d find a school anywhere, at any cost, that could provide these things). If that is your goal, stated or not, it’s no wonder you experience anxiety and a sense of defeat before you even start.
A good warning sign is when you open Instagram and see someone’s Super Snazzy Classical Course of Study all laid out in her perfectly arranged dedicated schoolroom, you experience panic rather than inspiration.
That warning is helpful, so don’t respond by giving up on homeschooling, ordering more unneeded books, or having a cocktail (save that for later, more as a reward than a prophylactic). It indicates a few things that you really can do in your own actual life:
Start again with your menus, laundry, and Reasonably Clean House. These things come naturally (or have been achieved by the hard work of instituting new habits) for the gal you wish was you. They are the basis of the learning environment that is your home. The wonder of learning springs from the order of life.Be wise about your circumstances. If you have just moved, had a new baby, or otherwise experienced some big life change, you are in a different situation. In another season, you might be able to take a photo of what you are doing and have it look pretty darned impressive. But that’s not actually a goal. Sometimes taking a picture helps us see things in a new way (as does the peaceful practice of looking in the window at dusk, when all has been tidied). But it’s not really a goal. The goal is to live life as it has been given to us.Remember that we don’t quite know how children learn. It doesn’t follow that buying the most amazing products or even having your home resplendent with busts of philosophers results in education. Reading biographies of interesting and accomplished people, as well as consulting our own experience, can help us see that learning occurs in the most random ways, sometimes with the rawest and most austere materials. On the other hand, it’s also true that the basics are called that for a reason. The collective memory has identified certain factors without which those moments of wonder can’t really occur. They are necessary, if insufficient, elements, and it’s all too easy to ignore them when we are bombarded with the plethora of goods offered for sale.Be at peace, knowing that interested, lively, moderately obedient children will learn, and that you are doing your best. Simply keeping them from the destructive forces of mass corralling of kids in institutions goes a long way to this, the really important goal, that the child learns. The goal of appearing to have it all together is nothing compared to it.All these matters are ones I’ve discussed here at length — simply go up to the menu bar and click on the topic! Be at peace, because God will give you the grace you need to educate your children!
liturgical livingTomorrow is the Assumption! Even though it’s Sunday, have an extra scoop of ice cream!
follow us everywhere!
My “random thoughts no pictures” blog, Happy Despite Them — receive it by email if you like, or bookmark, so you don’t miss a thing!
Stay abreast of the posts here at LMLD, when they happen:
Consider subscribing to this blog by email. In the current situation, if we can’t meet here, it would be good for us to be connected by email!
We share pretty pictures: Auntie Leila’s Instagram, Rosie’s Instagram. Sukie’s Instagram. Deirdre’s Instagram. Bridget’s Instagram.
Auntie Leila’s Facebook (you can just follow)
The boards of the others: Rosie’s Pinterest. Sukie’s Pinterest. Deirdre’s Pinterest. Habou’s Pinterest (you can still get a lot of inspiration here! and say a prayer for her!). Bridget’s Pinterest.
The post On the run, just need to say this about homeschooling appeared first on Like Mother Like Daughter.
July 24, 2021
Garlic in the garden, a new children’s book on the shelf!
This week I pulled the garlic! 100 heads here, and one more that was not in the rows. You know how it goes — you find a little shoot somewhere and pop it in a random bed…
Last year I planted around 80, and that lasted me all year. I still have some! So this coming year I won’t be conservative in my use. Lots of roasted garlic in our future! And these heads are giant!
I am hopeful about the rest of my harvest, but other than the cucumbers and the early abundant lettuce that is now over, it’s very slow in coming.
I wanted to share with you a new book from my son-in-law John Folley. The drawings are so charming and appealing! It’s called The Handsome Little Cygnet. (affiliate link)
This sweet story includes little hidden visual gems to appeal to older children’s sense of curiosity. The illustrations are lush and rewarding. So many contemporary books for children are ugly — their whole conception and execution is ugly. Why do we subject our impressionable young ones to these images?
John’s illustrations put ugliness in perspective, helping the uncertain reader make just judgments and reassuring child and parent of the rightness of beauty and order.
If you are up for it, maybe we can do a giveaway in a bit!
bits & piecesFor my reading list on the Pope’s recent Motu Proprio Traditionis Custodes, restricting the Traditional Latin Mass, go to Happy Despite Them.A little late for Father’s Day, but to be fair I was not very connected starting then… but do read this inspiring and uplifting account of the incredible Venerable Aloysius Schwartz. Wrong presuppositions skew reality: A response to Eve Tushnet. As time goes by and gender ideology, by dint of sheer repetition, wears down righteous resistance, it’s important to make some space for the truth.Gayness isn’t in God’s plan and knowing the truth can set a person free, even from mental illness and emotional trauma.The “alternate to ‘conversion therapy’ is a slippery slope. It appears to accommodate not only disorder but sin. ‘Gay’ celibacy and ‘gay’ friendships are still unchaste. The Church must be clear. Jesus came to break the back of any and all moral disorder in our lives. Leave space for the Cross, and don’t crucify Jesus’ members who champion its power.”
Comma Queen: To Whom It May Concern: Does civilization depend on the proper use of “who” and “whom”?Why do you think we started homeschooling in the late 80s or early 90s or whenever it was back in the mists of time? Because these ideologies were already firmly in place in the classroom, and make no mistake, they pushed out something of great value, namely, an actual education. This is not about a possible threat; it is about waking up to what already exists and has existed for a long time: Yes, critical race theory is being taught in public schoolsWith the American Pediatric Society recommending that children — even the vaccinated — continue to be masked, I think it’s important to know that this is a bad idea — primarily for reasons not about health, but for reasons about health too: New study suggests mask mandates for kids should be scrapped: CO2 levels five times higher for children wearing masks, even for short periods of time, new study finds.liturgical livingfrom the archivesTurning away from the two-income trap, having the wife return to the heart of the home makes for some interesting skill acquisitions. You find yourself doing things you didn’t think you knew how to do! Gardening, housekeeping, cooking from scratch, and mending… and there’s a real satisfaction to this life. Yes, even something as little as repairing a hole… Some summer food in this post — including a link to the perennial fave, Eggplant Obsession!follow us everywhere!
My “random thoughts no pictures” blog, Happy Despite Them — receive it by email if you like, or bookmark, so you don’t miss a thing!
Stay abreast of the posts here at LMLD, when they happen:
Consider subscribing to this blog by email. In the current situation, if we can’t meet here, it would be good for us to be connected by email!
We share pretty pictures: Auntie Leila’s Instagram, Rosie’s Instagram. Sukie’s Instagram. Deirdre’s Instagram. Bridget’s Instagram.
Auntie Leila’s Facebook (you can just follow)
The boards of the others: Rosie’s Pinterest. Sukie’s Pinterest. Deirdre’s Pinterest. Habou’s Pinterest (you can still get a lot of inspiration here! and say a prayer for her!). Bridget’s Pinterest.
The post Garlic in the garden, a new children’s book on the shelf! appeared first on Like Mother Like Daughter.
July 10, 2021
The Great Gallivant
Bridget and I had a gallivant. It was great!
Big Springs, MO — where I became a hat person.
We did dispersed camping and I hope you are proud of me because I *am* 61 years old
With Suki and kids — and that’s the chariot *after* the carwash, which the boys mightily enjoyed!We left the house here in Central Massachusetts on Father’s Day (sorry, Chief!*) and headed west. We camped out all the way to Utah and then headed home via Suki’s new house in Colorado and then on to our dear friends located in strategic spots along the trek back, in St. Louis (Mary Elizabeth!) and western PA (Shyla!). Amazing how you really can drive in a pretty much straight line 21+ hours from the Rockies!
*He wanted to come, but didn’t want to do so much driving, and ended up having lots of interviews about his new book, Contagious Faith (affiliate link)/ We went with his blessing, although he missed us and the feeling was mutual.
I hope to post some pics on Instagram, and Bridget is getting started with her posting. Things are busy here because Deirdre and her family have bought a house, not far from us, and Rosie and her family are coming up to New England for the year and are already here taking some visiting time before getting settled. Captain (now Major) Pepper is studying at the Naval War College and we are super excited to have them nearby in Rhode Island.
So I just have these few pics right now, and want to ask you to go over to Happy Despite Them to be sure you are connected to me by email from there (as well as here). Google ditched the feedburner connection (great timing, eh? Just as I got started). But I have a new method of hunting you down, so please cooperate!
Also a reminder about God Has No Grandchildren (affiliate link), my book about the Church’s teaching on marriage: I will do my best to meet virtually with your reading group! One spot left!
And, my book that collects all the collective wisdom here into three volumes, The Summa Domestica: Order and Wonder in the Home, is at the press! So stand by for updates on that! I can’t wait to show you the gorgeous covers and to chat about everything I wrote about. Of course, now I feel like I left so much out… maybe in Heaven we will be able to go over all the things. A friend said, “Maybe you can have a post about what you forgot” and that was funny.
However, I may keep my sporadic pace for the foreseeable future, for which I apologize in advance. To be honest, this platform has become cumbersome to use. Why are updates always the worst? But I promise to do my best!
bits & piecesExcellent article about lighting in churches. I think the author reflexively mentions LEDs, and should perhaps think more about that idea, but overall, this systematic examination of how light is most effective for worship will help people make decisions with a better understanding of the particular goals they need to have in mind. You gotta hand it to her: she really nailed her recreation of these famous paintings.A good article from Peter Kwasniewski about how music in the liturgy forms memory. Michael Ward’s favorite seven C. S. Lewis writings. Of course I agree, but I would also mention Transpositions, an essay that explains a lot.Why Ancient Greeks mixed wine with seawaterfrom the archivesIf you have a chance to send your child to chant camp, seize it! Chant is one of those things in life that is lastingly formative (like learning Euclid and grammar). The flip side of chant in liturgy (or rather, downstream from it) is the culture of folk and traditional music. Don’t let your children be formed by faux folk music, whether secular or churchy! In the past, people taught their children how to dance and what to sing, passing along wholesome, simple music and steps that retain their connection to tradition, even when they are newly composed. Somehow we need to recover all the healthy repertoire of songs and hymns. I’m going to say it: what we know as “Praise and Worship” music has a cost to it, as does reverting to top 40s from our own childhoods (or our parents’!). Perhaps they have their place, but we shouldn’t allow them to be the default formation for our children’s experience of singing together spontaneously in groups around the bonfire or in the car.liturgical livingSaint Felicity and her Seven Sons
follow us everywhere!
My “random thoughts no pictures” blog, Happy Despite Them — receive it by email if you like, or bookmark, so you don’t miss a thing!
Stay abreast of the posts here at LMLD, when they happen:
Consider subscribing to this blog by email. In the current situation, if we can’t meet here, it would be good for us to be connected by email!
We share pretty pictures: Auntie Leila’s Instagram, Rosie’s Instagram. Sukie’s Instagram. Deirdre’s Instagram. Bridget’s Instagram.
Auntie Leila’s Facebook (you can just follow)
The boards of the others: Rosie’s Pinterest. Sukie’s Pinterest. Deirdre’s Pinterest. Habou’s Pinterest (you can still get a lot of inspiration here! and say a prayer for her!). Bridget’s Pinterest.
The post The Great Gallivant appeared first on Like Mother Like Daughter.
