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G.L. Lambert Explains It All

Far From BasYc

A sneak preview of G.L. Lambert’s Podcast “G.L. Lambert Explains It All”. The only way to listen to Full Episodes is by subscribing at https://Farfrombasyc.com/GLPodcast

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Women Need To Date Multiple Men

Far From BasYc

Basica 1: Dates one man at a time because she doesn’t have the “energy” to meet new men… in reality she’s not too busy she’s just scared.

Basica 2: Thinks dating means “fucking” and treats the talking stage like it’s a real relationships because society has brainwashed her to be overly loyal.

Basica 3: Understands the concept of having options, but has low self-esteem or is extremely introverted, so she uses the excuse that she simply can’t find more than one man to date at a time.

All these Basicas will end up losing at love repeatedly until they wake up. How do I know? Because I’ve had advice sessions where I’ve seen these kinds of women go from making excuses as to why they don’t date multiple men, to seeing them Spartan Up and thank me for helping them open their eyes to a new way of living. Every woman should be playing the field, men do it by default, but women don’t. Instead they date one at a time and end up in these toxic relationships with men who know they have “you need me” leverage. Think about The Male Power Dynamic. The book of Asshole teaches males that a woman will put up with whatever you throw at her if she has no one else to fall back on. Handsome guys, average guys, even ugly ones, are quick to remind a girl that there are other fish in the sea and that nothing about her can’t be replaced. All the stuff you say is special about you, a man will say grows on trees or will claim his last woman did better. Using this Ike Turner type mindfuck trick, dudes convince women that they can’t do better, won’t do better, and should be thankful she found a great man like him. The result is that a woman stays with a man she could do better than, feeding herself the cliche of “the grass isn’t always greener”. Spoiler, the grass is greener, matter of fact the shit is neon green compared to what you’re attracting.

-Who has time to date all those men? If you don’t shut your silly ass up. You have time to play on the internet all day, experiment with fifty-leven different makeup products. I’m sure you can find 2 hours out of the week to slide into a DM, swipe on an app, and finesse two dinner dates for the weekend. It’s not about time, it’s about fear. What will they say. What will they think? Do I have to tell them I talk to other people? Da faq? Why are you so scared of what men think? Fuck what they think. If a man wants you, he wants you, and will go through whatever obstacle to lock you down. Real G’s understand the game. The stallions we want may have a boyfriend, she may have a gang of dudes in her phone, but that won’t stop us! Having to win out over other men is not rare. It’s these soft little guys that cry foul. Mature men aren’t intimidated nor will they call you names. Competition breeds better results, always!

“There’s no one out here, oh look he likes me and took me to a movie, I guess I’ll just be with him since no one else wants me…” That’s a lot of you. Settling like a motherfucker for C+ and B- men just because they fed you, fucked you, and made you laugh. The irony is that women are smart, even the dumb ones, they know that it’s an ill-advised compromise, but they convince themselves that it needs to be done because they’re getting older or they’re bored. A master manipulator is hoping you’re a no options kind of chick and figures out from the introduction that you’re either the type of woman who has guys kicking down her door, or the type who cracks the door and hopes someone walks by. Which type are you?

What Are Your Dating Options?

Can you pull men easily or are you that Typical that sits around like “there’s no one out there for me”? There are women who know their value and can get men with ease, but there remains a large percentage who are controlled by this paranoia that there are only a few quality men in this world that will ever cross her path and be interested. As soon as this type of female meets a man that has four out of her ten must-have’s, she shuts down shop and prays to the heavens that this guy sticks around. That’s how male manipulators win. They know that you don’t shop around, you take what they’re selling you at face value. Fuck that. Today we’re going to talk about why it’s always better to SHOP AROUND before you settle on a man.

The biggest mistake you can ever make is to take yourself off the market for the potential of a man that you don’t even know. I read this study that said women feel empowered by speed dating because of the free choice. You’re not a slave, and you don’t need to pay for something you can do yourself each weekend. Fellas go fishing with the mindset to catch as many as possible, they don’t get over excited at the first bite, or stop after reeling ONE in. We men serial date and juggle women until we find one worth focusing on. Far too many exceptional ladies live by this idea that the right one is simply the next one who taps her on the shoulder.

Women refuse to serial date and have been brainwashed to think of it as a dirty thing. Some girls will even turn down a phone number just because she has a first date coming up and wants to wait for the outcome of that. That stupid shit is like turning down 10 G’s on the spot because you have a lottery scratch off waiting at home, that you have a good feeling about. Women know how to multitask better than men; I see them on the 405 freeway applying makeup while driving with their knees. However, when it comes to dating, women flat out refuse to give their attention to more than one man at a time. I’m not sure if it’s being emotionally lazy, the stigma of being a hoe, or just a flat out refusal to evolve into a 21st century being. You don’t have to serve every dude in town, but no free agent ever got the best deal by choosing to only negotiate with the first team that calls with interest.

Focusing On His Potential

Someone once told me, “I’m not the kind of girl that talks to a lot of dudes.” I assume that made her the type of girl that waits by her phone for that ONE boy to hit her up, panics when he doesn’t, and spends all her free time wondering what that ONE boy is doing. Once that ONE boy becomes corny and turns her off, hits it and quits it, or simply vanishes with no excuse, she’s now becomes the kind of girl that will complain about the time wasted and lament, “It’s so hard to find someone.” No shit! It’s very hard when you focus all of your attention on one person who hasn’t even earned that undivided attention! You’re passing up opportunity after opportunity to get to know other people because you want to see what MAY happen with someone you’ve been texting or someone you went on a few dates with. Are you slow? Stop acting like you’re engaged the moment you get attention from a person you like, because odds are they aren’t going to work out! You’re single, act single!

If you want a job, you interview with different companies unless you’re just desperate, then you take any job that can pay the bills. When you want a boyfriend, you talk to different guys unless you’re just desperate, then you settle for any man that pays you attention. Read that again, and this time think about your own dating habits, are you trying to get the best or just what’s available? I’m all for you talking to one guy after he proves that he’s trying to build something with you. Going on two dates and getting morning texts doesn’t prove shit except that he knows how to type and keep an appointment. If dick was an episode of House Hunters, it’d be over before the first commercial break because y’all jump at the first decent thing presented as if it’s the last you’ll ever see. Just because you like him, and let’s be clear all you are doing in that first month is being in-like, doesn’t mean it’s a sign from god.

Some of y’all want this “him” fantasy so bad that you skip the part where you actually get to know this man intimately. The saying goes, “don’t put all your eggs in one basket”, but thirsty chicks put all their eggs in one basket without even checking to see if the basket has a hole in the bottom. I don’t care who the man is that you’re in lust with, he does not get to take you out of the display window off the strength that he was the first nigga this year to treat you to dinner and a movie. He could be the one, or he could be just another one. You can’t worry about the future, all you can do is live in the now, and the now mandates that he’s nobody special. While he’s trying to prove that he’s somebody special, you have to continue to go out and do you.

“Once I start talking to a new friend, guys must know because they be on me.” They don’t know shit, what they see is that attracting a man has boasted your confidence, so instead of walking around like you just smelled ass, you’re walking around switching your ass like you’re the queen of Sheba. You feel wanted, which makes you smile more than normal and act sweeter than usual. That’s what attracts a man to you, that newfound swag. You may think that if talking to this new boy makes your mood better, why would you take numbers from new guys or go out looking for a replacement. You’re not replacing him silly, he hasn’t even won the role yet, he’s still auditioning. It’s not your new friend that’s making your mood electric, it’s what he represents esteem wise.

Some women only feel as sexy as the last man that asked for her number. Everyone here follows someone on Facebook whose attitude swings with their relationship status. If they’re lonely and sad, they post negative things where the tone reeks of bitterness. If that same girl enters a relationship or starts dealing with a new person, suddenly they’re quoting poets and talking about being blessed. Her ass was blessed with that new dick and it turned that frown upside down. Unattractive guys get at women all the time, but to get pursued by a man you find attractive powers you up, and no matter how you try to play it off, that joy shows. Don’t give all this new energy to this man alone; channel it in order to attract new men that you’re normally too introverted or doubtful to pull. While you’re on a roll, amass a few potential boos, that way if the first guy craps out, you won’t lose that smile and go back to mean mugging in public with that “who shit themselves” face. Until you’re official, you better keep taking numbers.

Talking Won’t Get You Pregnant

Dating is not the same as fucking or sucking. When I say, talk to or date multiple men, it’s not a code for taking dick, it means to be courted until you decide on an exclusive boyfriend. Until you agree to be a man’s official girlfriend verbally, you are single. It’s time to erase this mindset that only hoes and sluts entertain more than one guy at a time. You’re single and mingling, not giving out blow jobs to the first 10 dudes who take you bowling. This vilifying of women who talk to more than one guy isn’t the result of it being morally wrong, it comes from jealous people who influence these women to believe it’s un-lady like, trashy, and trifling to talk to Dave at the same time as Kevin. Why do women get labeled for dating multiple men? Say it with me, boys and girls, MISOGYNY!

As men, the moment we take you to eat somewhere that doesn’t have combo numbers, you belong to us. We’re not going to claim you officially and fuck up our freedom… but it’s expected that since I’m showing you love, you’re exclusively mine. Although we still have other chicks we are trying to fuck at the same time, we demand that women to cut everyone else off or we quickly label her as a freak or a golddigger. This double standard concept sounds stupid to a progressive woman, but I wager 8 out of 10 girls agree to that kind of arrangement after just one date… or for those who can’t get him to take you out, after one week of texting. Years of dating under this “only sluts do that” law has made even the smartest women closed minded, “I deleted all the other numbers and unfriended my exes on Facebook… Um, no he’s not my boyfriend, but I wanted to show him I was loyal.” In two months your boo will move on to the other girl he was auditioning at the same time as you, and your lovesick ass will send that depressed Hail Mary text, “just letting you know I’m deleting your number…” He’ll respond, “who dis?” and that’s how the your loyalty will be rewarded. Be loyal to your damn self.

The other category of people who will make you feel guilty about seeing multiple men are hating ass females who can’t lock down one man let alone get to the level where a few are blowing up her phone. Pick Me women will always do the most for male attention because they can’t pull men by being themselves. No matter how hard she tries to fight her jealous feelings, these weak bitches resent any woman who gets attention from men effortlessly. Ladies, don’t let jealous men or women make you feel guilty. Going out with Mark on Friday then hitting up a party with James on Saturday means nothing. The most any of these men get from you is a tight hug at the end of the night, but to a hater it’s a reflection of your loose vagina. Women cling to this “no fucks given” motto, but in reality, they rearrange their lives to avoid judgment. The combination of an insecure man wanting to be your only choice and a jealous woman wanting you to leave some eligible men for her to date, has created  this stigma of “dating two guys is hoe shit”, it has nothing to do with real morals. There is nothing wrong with having three guys in your life and waiting for one of those three to do something great to make you put other men on pause. Think with your own brain, not the bias of others who have ulterior motives.

No Old Friends

I’ve seen girls totally fall off the face of the earth once they meet ONE boy. Girls stop tweeting, stop posting on IG, and stop hanging out with their girls, all over NEW DICK. You can tell you ain’t had dick in a while if you go from — best friends forever to Oh I haven’t even talked to her in a minute, how she doing–within a month. If you can’t make time for old friends, how can you make time to meet new men? You can’t! A top reason why you, yes you, can’t date multiple men is because you get sucked into a man’s “love” and refuse to leave his side. How much brain power does it take to have multiple friendships? Building a new relationship while maintaining old ones isn’t an Olympic sport. You’re hypnotized by the thought of having a boyfriend, and that’s all you can think about– control your thirst and remember you still have a life to live! Men fit women into their schedules while women revolve their schedules around a man. Think about that bullshit. A guy will be quick to go hang with the fellas, while women will sit and pout “is he fucking his friends, why choose them over me?” —it’s not that serious. LIVE YOUR LIFE AND BE FREE. Think about the potential fallout. After New Boo, ghosts you or disappoints you, you’re left with the awkward position of trying to hang out with your old friends again, but it’ll never be the same because now that they know you’re the type of bitch that jumps ship for dick.

Buyers Regret

One of my readers settled for this mediocre dude and a week later met a guy who was her type mentally, spiritually… and financially. She felt it was too late to turn back, got married… and divorced… that guy is now off the market. Cold World. She loves when I write about this topic because her 20s were wasted by dating one at a time. With age all women see how life changing my advise is, but those of you who are still young or stubborn you still don’t get it. This is dating advice, this is quality of life spoilers! I don’t care what city you live in and what the man to woman ratio is, you always have a choice. Instead of embracing what it means to be single and free, you rush into the fire happy that someone chose you. You don’t need to be chosen, you need to be choosing. I’m not saying that after you get a boyfriend keep a gang of wolves on deck in case he screws up. I’m proposing that before you agree to be with a man exclusively, you interview him along with at least one other candidate at the same time.

SPARTAN RULE: I will always keep at least two men on my roster until I decide to officially commit to anyone.

I don’t want to hear about how it took you six months to get one to look your way, so you gotta do what you gotta do, that’s a basic bitch excuse. If you can get one man to turn his head, you can get twenty to do the same thing. Dating is about discovery and unmasking. When men are forced to compete for your attention, it exposes bums and separates the winners from the losers. Lending Tree your heart, and stop letting these peasants qualify with low fico scores. In a month from now, you’ll find out that James your new boo has anger issues and a secret baby mama. Damn, you knew his story was too good to be true. If you would have held James up against Reggie, and dated both for a month before deciding, you wouldn’t have been so quick to blind yourself to Jame’s red flags.

By having a good man to compare an average man to, you can make better decisions in your love life. Red Flag James would have never made the cut and you would have been saved from yet another bad relationship. Stop allowing these losers to reserve their place with you by default, and make any man who wants to be in your life earn his spot! Women don’t put up with sub-par men because they’re stupid, they put up with sub-par men because they lack the faith that they can do better than what’s being presented. You are a woman, the most sought after treasure on this planet, do not let these clowns lower your value by exaggerating their credentials while comparing you to a fish in a fucking sea. Each one of you are uniquely rare, and only a man that’s willing to rise above the rest and treat you with the highest value deserves to be rewarded with the gift of your exclusive dating rights. Now go make some friends.

If you want tips on HOW TO BUILD YOUR ROSTER = read this article

Women: How To Build Your Roster

or check out The Spartan Dating Script on iTunes or SolvingSingle.com…

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You Can’t Fix A Man

Far From BasYc

Behind every great man is a great woman, not an enabler, not a bottom bitch, and not Mommy #2. But most girls don’t know the difference. There are women that swear they’re being supportive by trying to assist a man with his problems, show him how to plan better, help him get on his feet, or try to focus him on a realistic goal. But who the hell asked for your help? Yes, a woman can help make a man better, but she can’t change him. Being loved makes everyone better, be it from a parent, a friend, a spouse, or a child, but it won’t transform a loser into a winner or a toxic asshole into a stand up person. A man must want to change, desire to grow, and have the courage to stop doing little boy shit and execute his goals.

“A man isn’t his potential, he is his everyday actions. Stop getting caught up in the fantasy of what he could be and recognize what he’s showing you…” -G.L. Lambert

Paying his bills, doing his resume, sucking his dick while he plays XBOX, rolling his weed, that’s what basic bitches call supporting a man. You just met a man, you have no vested interest in his life, yet your focus shifts to trying to make him “a better man” instead of seeing if he’s the RIGHT man for you. These type of girls aren’t dating like Spartans, seeing if a man is worthy of being her partner, they’re trying to make any dude fit because they just want a bae. That’s not true, I saw something in him, and a good woman is supposed to inspire her man to do better. YAWN! That’s not your man, that’s a tinder dick. That’s not your partner, that’s your project. He’s looking for pussy, and you’re looking for a ring… and you don’t even care if you have to put the money in his account so long as you get a proposal. Supportive turns into exploitative because what’s actually at work isn’t you being charitable. Where does he work? How does he treat you? What is his 2 year goal? What sacrifices has he made for you? It’s not good enough for him to be “cool, funny, and nice”. You can’t build an empire with potential and compatible horoscopes, Basica!

A girl will swear by “I see his potential” based off how a guy tells a joke and how deep he throws a dick. You don’t see any fucking potential; you see a piece of clay you can mold into a husband. You’re trying to turn a layabout into a do something, you can show off on IG. You’re trying to turn a Nike type into a Margiela man you can take home to your mother. You’re trying to take a man with a GED, become his angel investor, and bring him up to your level so you can parade him in front of your friends. You’re sick of trying to find a boyfriend at your level, so you create one, oblivious to the fact that you’re setting yourself up for failure. You weren’t put on this earth to pay for your own vacations and engagement ring and pretend your half-ass boyfriend spoils you. You weren’t put on this earth to keep being on and off with a man who won’t stop disrespecting you. You weren’t put on this earth to build a bear a man who doesn’t even care enough to put in the work himself…

You Can’t Fix A Man

Women are nurturers, and that isn’t a negative, but some have the naive habit of trying to save men that don’t need their saving. You meet a man that’s handsome, charismatic, but he’s broke or dealing with other demons, drug abuse, alcohol dependency, baby mama drama, etc… so what do you do? You can’t leave a man that has the physical and personality that you’ve been waiting for because he has things he needs to work on. You take him home as if he’s some wounded bird that fell in your backyard, and you begin to “fix him.” You can’t make a D-boy want to stop selling drugs, you can’t make a playboy want to stop chasing pussy, you can’t make a dude that’s happy playing FIFA online and working a low paying job, become a CEO. In addition to those types, there’s a Broken Wing hustle that Narcissistic men use to manipulate women. Here you are looking for love, and he’s there to shower you with compliments, give you a sad story about his past, and rush through the getting to know you stage as fast as he can so you can’t expose his Dick Tactics. “It was like we knew each other for years,” stop being gullible! You’re thirstier than Anna from Frozen, and he’s bullied his way into your heart by making you skip the vetting process of dating over several weeks.

I’ve talked to so many women who get excited that they found some random ass boyfriend after a week. Then a month later his true colors show and instead of running away, they run toward him trying to repair his issues because they don’t want to let go of that potential he showed the first few weeks. No matter if he’s doing it on purpose or a man that’s genuinely needy, you need to be smart instead of soft. This isn’t a new epidemic. Half of you reading this have fathers who you love, but who you know aren’t shit, yet your mothers to this day, still try to fix his bum ass. You say things like, “I’ll never let a man do me like my father did my mother,” but in the end you are attracted to those same type of stray dogs. By trying to make a man different from your father, you end up trying to overcompensate in a relationship as if you can WILL a man to be great. It’s time someone was real with you… Men have to find their own path to manhood, so get your titty out of their mouths!

Let’s talk about the ego you pretend you don’t have. Your ego loves fixer uppers. Your ego wants to look back two years from now at your boyfriend like the Property Brothers look back at a house they just flipped. You took broke ass Dante, inspired him with your positivity, upgraded him with your ideas, and now he’s fielding offers from fortune 500 companies. Your ego cums so hard at the thought that you are such a great woman that you can transform a man from coal into a diamond. You desperately want to be loved and appreciated for your Fix-A-Man genius because it validates you. All he needs is a woman that understands him and knows how to be tough *paints nails*. Delusion is a hell of a drug! That’s your ego at work again, pretending you have the blueprint on how to make a man act better, do better, and love you forever. Your weak ass blueprint is as good as toilet paper, because your ideas are based off TV, Movies, or bottom bitches in your own family who held down men who ended up being horrible husbands or fathers. The reality is a Carrie Bradshaw would never really fix a Mr. Big. No amount of Good Woman Ferry Dust & Dick Sucks, can upgrade an ain’t shit dude! I loved the show Mad Men because it analyzed Don Draper, the epitome of a broken male, and how all these women came in his life thinking they had the solution to put Don back together. In the end he kept relapsing because it was never about a woman making him be a man, it was about him finding his own path to manhood.

Fixer Upper Vs Already Built Men

I often get emails where women write, “I don’t feel like I have anything to offer a man right now.” Some women have to feel as if they contribute something tangible and irreplaceable to a relationship or a man won’t think she’s special. This could be money, a home, or emotional support. It doesn’t matter that their logic falls apart when you realize that smart and wealthy men don’t care what you bring to the table if you’re unique in personality. Men aren’t walking away from a bomb ass women because she didn’t own a crib or a Master’s Degree– EVER. Your paranoia doesn’t come from the opposite sex; it comes from your own self-doubt: Why would any man want me when I don’t have my life together? With that in mind you self-limit the men you attract. You could literally have the type of man you want, but your own mind stands in your way because you don’t think what you have in terms of career, money, education, are at the level where you can be valuable to a successful man. Even if you’re a woman that has her shit together, you may still feel inadequate around a man that’s doing it big, because you have insecurities that you refuse to address. Therefore, you date down, not for the same shallow reasons a man does, but for emotional reasons. In the arms of a man that’s not doing better, you find that appreciation you’ve been chasing.

Fixer Upper: He needs me emotionally; I’m his confidant and therapist.

Already Built: He doesn’t need my advice or shoulder to cry on, he’s done fine by himself.

Fixer Upper: He depends on me to hold him down; I’m an important part of his life.

Already Built: He’s self-sufficient with or without me.

Be honest, do you go for Already Built or Fixer Upper? The Fixer upper man is the perfect counter to the cockiness or the intimidation of a man that is already successful. Bring a man you’re comfortable with up to your level, and since you had a hand in upgrading him, he’ll appreciate you, right? Wrong! “And when he gets on he’s going to leave you for a white girl,” was so impactful not because it’s a funny punchline, but because behind all humor is the sting of honesty. No real man wants a handout; they want to earn their spot. When you buy a man his first suit, drive him to an interview, and then help him open that first bank account to deposit his first paycheck, you are thinking like “Mom.” Meaning like a mother you expect to be loved for what you do, but men aren’t little boys, they may take your help and say they appreciate it, but it’s emasculating. His pride is being shrunk, and as soon as he is on his feet, he will take the first opportunity to show you that you aren’t the cause of his success, he is.

Know why so many men replace their Ride Or Die with a new hoe that won’t even give him a bite of his sandwich? Because he resents you. On the other hand she doesn’t know that he was once down and out, she only sees him as this “self made man”. You were there to hear about his fears and anxieties; he doesn’t want you around to remind him about his soft side. He’s going to trade you in for someone that only knows the new man you helped him become, not the old broken one. He’ll call you up a year later, talking about how he misses you, and your ego will once again cause you to cream, but he’s using you like a Bottom Bitch. He’ll apologize, let you mother him back up, and once his ego is repaired, he’s off again to find a woman he can stunt on. The next thing you know he’s engaged to someone new and you’re crying your eyes out about “that’s not fair, I did all this stuff for him!” Fuck your fair. No one told you to save him and no one promised you a happy ending!

I want to talk to men and women today, because as men we should be forced to prove our manhood, not suck on some Bottom Bitch’s tit until we’re ready to attack the world. Honestly, with the current generation coming of age, I’m actually seeing men who don’t know how to be men because these thirsty Ms. Fix-It chicks are picking up where mommy left off, and as a result, guys are becoming spoiled little bitches. Today’s men don’t treat women like Queens, because they don’t know how to be Kings. They wait around for women to do things for them, instead of taking life by the fucking throat. They wait around for minimum wage laws to past, so they can afford PS4 games and exotic weed, instead of aiming for that Boss title and corner office. These dudes want sympathy and handouts, and these girls are there to give it to them because they want love and affection. Both sexes have become weak as fuck, and I’m sick of seeing it. I’m going to be like that Uncle that punches you in the arm and says, “Stop crying for your Mother, pussy,” because you dudes need to take life into your own hands starting today. At the same time, I’m imploring women to stop trying to play dress up with these grown ass men as if they’re Ken dolls. You’re no longer helping, you’re hurting.

A Man Has To Find His Own Ambition

Ladies: Your job is not to be a guidance counselor in a relationship. If you’re dealing with a guy who took a year off college that turned into three years or a man that was laid off and he can’t get into first gear to restart his professional life, there is only three thing you need to do. Ask him what his plans are, what his passions are, and how he plans to achieve HIS goals. If he gives you an answer that you don’t like or is on the fence, it is not your job to figure it out for him. I remember this girl kept pushing her boyfriend to go work with her father, “He will open up a spot for you making X-amount a year.” All he asked her to do was to help him write a cover letter and update his resume. Her Wonder Woman ass knew his lack of experience wasn’t going to get him a good paying job, so she tried to force a new career on him that would earn what she needed him to be earning. He broke up with her, because the issue of “You wouldn’t have money problems if you would have listened to me and took my father’s help,” would not die. As a woman who had her shit together, she didn’t understand the mentality of a man who was trying to figure out his life, not just money wise, but what his life was going to be.

Not all, but many females don’t understand the process of finding yourself. Go to school, pick a job based on what the pay will be, go to college or trade school, go get that job, be happy—the end. It’s not that simple for most males. Men are explorers by nature, they soul search, some a little too long, but it’s what they do or depression sets in no matter what job they are working. The girl who sent me that email was very defensive because she felt that she was being a good girlfriend, “It’s a job that can lead into a career, who wouldn’t take that?” A lot of people don’t want just any job even if it is easy work, they want to feel completed, not wake up miserable working for someone’s father. Ambition can’t be suggested, it’s something that sparks inside a person. To lead a man down any road just so he can earn a steady paycheck, become stable, and buy you a ring is not selfish in a good way, it’s selfish in a dangerous way.

Alternatively, the solution isn’t to let a man figure his life out while you pay the bills and sacrifice a normal relationship where you don’t go out on real dates because his money is funny. You’re not an investor you’re a girlfriend. If this dude is blowing his SSI check, has gone through his court settlement money from when he was a teen, or just doesn’t have a good paying job—you lift his spirits, but you don’t pour money into him. Even if he’s trying to pursue a graduate degree, you don’t use his scholastic ambitions as an excuse to be the Sallie Mae that he doesn’t have to pay back. You have to draw the line at how much you help, or a person will not grow!

Is it okay for men to ask their women for money in a pinch? Of course, you’re a team and he should do the same for you. However, you shouldn’t bail him out more than two times. What is his end goal? If he’s always going to be late with his car note, then why isn’t he trying to make more money? If he’s always going to be $100 short on a bill, then why isn’t his life consumed with getting out of that struggle? Handouts don’t create CEOs they create bums! Again, this is girlfriend talk, not “we’ve been dating for three months and I love him,” Basica talk. Some of you have paid bills, bought iPhones, and co-signed loans and leases for men you’ve only known for a matter of weeks because you can’t say “no” to dick.

It’s easy to play women, because so many women think supporting a man will make him love them. Stop. Being. Thirsty. Even though you shouldn’t force him to do what you want him to do, you can’t ignore his lack of ambition. Again, inquire about his goals, give suggestions, but if more than a month passes and he hasn’t moved forward and taken any action, you need to leave. A man who gets comfortable under a woman is like a man that lives in his mother’s basement, he won’t leave so long as he’s being enabled. If you bitch long enough he’ll take some job just to shut you up. If you mother him long enough he’ll stay on the couch and just come up with get rich quick schemes that he’s “a few months away from launching.” Neither road leads to happiness. Love a man, but never allow yourself to become his safety net.

Fellas: Get your shit together. If you don’t know where you want to go in life, then that’s something you should be worrying about before you take your last $20 to the club to pick up thotties. If college isn’t for you, then use your fucking brain to figure out how you’re going to make up the difference in pay by not having a degree. T-Shirt lines are an oversaturated market, so is that a real vision or are you just trying to make a quick dollar? Record labels aren’t giving out 1998, hit the lotto type record deals, so are you passionate about that grind or just looking for some imaginary deal you think will solve your problems? Even if your cousin has the hook up at the Post Office, that shit is no better than Burger King if you don’t really want to do that job. Get rich quick schemes aren’t goals, Zuckerberg didn’t create Facebook to sell advertising; it evolved into that from his creative dream. Don’t let rap song bragging, athlete contracts, and who the pretty Hoes are fucking with send you into a depression where you end up bitter and defeated to the point where you just make excuses instead of moves. The first rule of being a real man is that you don’t blame anyone for your position in life. Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda ass dudes are a dime a dozen. I don’t give a fuck what Bernie Sanders is saying. You’re not supposed to be given anything in life; you take that shit by being the best!

Bro! Stop selling these women on this idea that you got held back from being great so they can have sympathy, give you pussy, and become your new mother. Dumb chicks will always be there to cheer on mediocre men because those men feed their insecurities. Do you want to end up just another bum ass dude with an overbearing bottom bitch for a woman, who has to smoke and drink to escape the reality that you didn’t go out and make a better life for yourself knowing that you had the intelligence to do so if you wanted? No one is holding you back, and no one needs to hold you down. Think about what you really want out of life besides money. Then ask yourself why you’re only thinking about it and not going for it.

A Man Has To Find His Own Maturity

Ladies: Stop falling for these Mama’s boys then trying to change them. He relies on his mother for everything, he can’t do anything without his friends, his sister acts as if she’s his girlfriend… Girls complain about this type of man, yet love trying to rehabilitate them. You know why you’re fighting to keep a man that’s a Mama’s boy or a Sheep? Mama’s boys make the perfect obedient boyfriend because Mama taught him how to be the man she always wished she had. You don’t want to fix him; you want to exploit that Man-Boy side of him. A Man-Boy is that guy who is raised by women to take the place of the father who wasn’t around. The mother, aunt, or sister have breed this Man-Boy to take care of them, now here you are trying to come in with the title of girlfriend and take their slave away. In order for you to be his new mother, you have to rip him from the bosom of his old one. Good Luck with that. A man shouldn’t be asked to choose a girlfriend over his mother, because they shouldn’t be in the same lane. If you’re agitated or having a cold war with his family, it’s not your job to make ultimatums, it’s his job to separate family from his love life on his own. The love he has for his family will always be greater than he has for you; however, he has to recognize that his job isn’t to be the head of the household; it’s to go out and create his own household. If he’s too brainwashed to put that into perspective or too pussy to stand up to his family members who think you’re trying to change him, then that’s not the man for you. Don’t waste more time loving a man that’s already married to his mother.

Fellas: Your mother will always be the love of your life, that’s an unconditional bond, but for Mama Payne’s sake, leave the fucking nest both literally and figuratively. You will always need your mother, but you know longer need to be mothered. If your mother needs help, you help her, if she wants to spend time with you, spend time with her, but she cannot be the driving force in your romantic life. Her opinion on who you date, fall in love with, or marry doesn’t matter after a certain age. “I got a feeling… she looks sneaky… I just don’t like the looks of her,” what the fuck does that tell you? That your mother or your sister or whoever the unapproving family member is, has a bias. Unless your girlfriend called your family member out their name, came in the house acting disrespectful, or they have inside dirt on your girl, then their opinions are useless. Furthermore, don’t sit on the sideline like a simp and let your family and your girl battle it out because you don’t want to choose sides. Be a fucking man and take a stand. You know how your family is, their good and bad qualities, so if you see them bullying that girl you are falling in love with, stand up for her even if they call you a sellout. No matter how old a woman is, they can still be petty. Grandmothers still have beef with daughter-in-laws twenty years later based off wedding seating. So don’t think that just because she pushed you from her vagina she has the right to push the woman you love out of your life. Be the man she raised you to be, not the pussy you came out of.

A Man Has To Find His Own Game Changer

Ladies: Treating a man like a husband will not make him see you as a wife. Mistake number one is when a girl tries to smother a man with all these domestic goddess tricks in order to speed up a commitment, an engagement, or a marriage. Fix-A-Dick logic: All a man needs to see is that you’re loyal, responsible, and loving and he’ll leave all his hoes. Sure, and all Meek Mill needed was another week to write his diss and he would have won… you’re in fantasy land! These type of women love playing house, so they assume that men too have that same end goal of, “let’s have a happy life where you come home, I cook, we eat and talk, and then cuddle—repeat 7 days a week.” Men don’t fantasize about that shit; they fantasize about being the only man in a threesome. You don’t understand how men think, you just understand how you think, in your mind, all you need is someone to support your dreams plus show you consistent love, and you would drop all other men for him. Love is not enough for guys because men attain love from women easily.

The goal for men  isn’t to get married as fast as you can and be validated by a woman’s love, the male goal is to play and experience life before he dies or gets too old. Which means that even when presented with a beautiful and selfless woman, he will keep shooting his shot. It’s not about finding Mrs. Right, it’s about sampling all the Mrs. Right until one pops up that represents something that he can’t pass up. See, now you’re thinking, “I want to be that last one! That one he can’t pass up!” But you don’t decide that for him—he does. This is where 90% of you are fucking up at right now, your ego tells you that you are the best woman ever, but your results haven’t proven that. In response, you overcompensate to get those results you think a great woman such as yourself should be getting. You put all this energy into making a man happy and then you’re shocked when he doesn’t want to hang out with you on the weekends. You learn new dick sucking techniques and study porn so you can prove that he’ll never get bored with you in the bedroom and then you’re shocked when he’s caught flirting with some other girl. No matter if you’re at the dating stage or if you’re in a relationship, a man doesn’t change for a woman; he changes for himself based on an internal epiphany that his mission is complete. You can’t force love or commitment by spoiling a man emotionally or sexually.

 “What age do guys get their shit together? What do I have to do to make him realize I’m not going to wait forever for him to grow up? What else can I do to make him want me the way he’s supposed to want me?” There is no age that makes a man slow down, there is no ultimatum that will make a man settle down, and there is no way to make a man want you above any other woman. That’s not the answer you want, you want the “It’s all a part of God’s plan,” excuse that justifies you hanging on emotionally for him to come back to you. You want to use the “Make him wise up by leaving his ass” gimmick because people claim that men always come back. Those are half-truths people tell you to create hope. You don’t need hope; you need a reality check so you can stop wasting your time on men who don’t see you as a Game Changer.

This isn’t about what you lack, it’s about what he’s searching for. There is no shame in not being what a man is searching for, because most likely, despite your attraction to him, he is not what you’re searching for at the end of the day. There is shame, however, in allowing yourself to be used as a placeholder while a man figures out who he actually wants. How long do you need to hang around and over-love a person that doesn’t reciprocate? How much longer will you stay in a relationship with a man that acts as if you’re a chore as opposed to his soulmate? Go ahead and date that man who doesn’t want “anything serious” and think you can change him with your magic pussy. Go ahead, stay in that relationship, and think you can change him with your no pressure attitude. Walking on eggshells around a man and trying to fit into what he wants won’t make him love you; it’ll make him appreciate the next bitch even more. The next girl will pop up with her Spartan attitude, her no fucks given views on his emo feelings, and her “you got to earn this pussy” rules, and the man who you bent over backwards for will worship at her feet. Not because she was a better woman than you were, but because he had to experience what he didn’t want in terms of a woman, to understand what he couldn’t live without in a woman. It will always be his choice, but it starts with a woman’s choice not to be typical in how she caters to a man. All of these girls swear they’re different, but few prove it with actions that set them apart from the generic “love to get love” females.

Fellas:  It’s time to stop running from your emotions and start embracing them. There is no such thing as being emotionally unavailable; you just don’t want to open up because you’re afraid of being judged. Behind every man that won’t settle down, is a scared little boy that wants nothing more than to settle down. But when you’ve been in the game for so long or had your heartbroken it’s hard to open back up again. These girls don’t understand the complexity of male emotions, most see you as just an object to say, “Look I got a man!” You don’t want to be an accessory, you want to be understood, but finding a woman that gets that is hard. You have to be guarded because every time you open up, they don’t like what they see. These girls are quick to proclaim, “This isn’t love, that’s not love, if you love me you wouldn’t act like this…” never realizing that their entire concept of love is based on movie fiction and exaggerated stories. You know what love is for real, while they only know love as that honeymoon period or short ass one-year relationship with some guy they barely knew. You know the difference between love and in love, but they see it all the same. How can you be honest with a woman who wants that fantasy? You can’t, but you’re willing to play along and see if she’s worth your real love. However, you have to look at the pool of women you have to choose from and it’s depressing! I’m not talking about the ratchets making Vine vids to Freak Hoe; I’m talking about these normal everyday women with baggage that they don’t even bother to check at the door. You don’t need another mother, you don’t need some overbearing basic bitch who wants to lay up under you every night, and you definitely don’t need some girl that’s going to be hot and cold with you because she sees her father in you.

Most men keep moving until they find something different, but that woman never comes. You fuck a bitch, try to give her a chance to earn your trust so you can open up and share what’s going on in your head, but the girls you meet despite claiming “I’m not like the rest” all act the same. Blowing up your phone because she’s paranoid. Starting passive aggressive arguments because you’re not moving at the pace she wants to move. Trying to enforce her friends or mother’s opinions of where your relationship should be headed. Some even try to use jealousy to get you to act right, not because you’re acting wrong, but because you’re not acting the way she thinks “a man in love” should act according to some basic ass relationship book she’s reading that month. All of these pretty women who start off great, all reveal themselves as either crazy or basic as fuck, and that’s why you don’t want to give out a title just so you can get some pussy. You have to stay guarded because you know that even though you have love for her, you don’t love her enough to give her all of you. The truth hurts, and if you opened your mouth and answered her dumb ass, “So where is this headed,” question you would ruin her because the answer is, nowhere! The girl you’re with is okay, but not exceptional. We as men want exceptional, not ordinary and the mindset and personality of most women are more bland than a white person’s potato salad.

I get why you’re emotionally hesitant. You’re not some “ain’t shit” guy or some master manipulator; you’re just not impressed. That dude you once were who just wanted to put his dick in all the pretty pussy is ready to retire. Getting sex is easy these days, all you got to do is swipe on an app and be yourself, no game needed because most of these girls are desperate. You’ll play along for a nut, but you’re bored with these Thots and title chasers. You’re done having repetitive conversations with uncharismatic birds, and are mentally ready to choose the ONE who sets herself apart. Here’s where most men will fuck up. You can’t be so soured by corny chicks, that you don’t recognize the great ones. A guy I give email advice to once asked me, “When do you know that she’s the one,” you don’t know, you take a risk based on what she’s shown you so far. There is a big difference when it comes to Pussy type and Wifey types. You automatically feel a rush when a girl is different, but you hesitate because you’ve had so many false alarms. You can’t freeze up! If you meet a woman that surprises you at each turn and goes left where other chicks go right, don’t be afraid. If you meet a woman that takes your best shot in terms of being moody or trying to distance yourself, and she doesn’t kiss your ass or go crazy, but remains poised, you know that’s unique. If you meet a woman that doesn’t let you run over her, and loves herself more than you, that’s a warrior that’s worthy of your last name. If you meet a woman that tells you the truth as opposed to what you want to hear so you won’t break up with her lonely ass, then you have to respect what the universe has dropped in your lap—a fucking unicorn.

Some men run from rare women because they are so different that it’s scary. She’s too good to be true, so you panic and push her away, or you self-sabotage so you don’t risk a letdown. It’s time to stop that punk ass little boy behavior. You can doubt your heart, you can doubt your brain, but when both your brain and heart are signaling to you that she’s not from this Earth, then you lock that bitch down immediately. Spartan women don’t grow on trees and you’re too old to be entertaining these dry ass placeholders, so risk it! There will always be hiccups, differences in opinions, and other people that try to tear you apart, but through all those tests, she will past, and that’s what makes her the ONE. Be man enough to risk heartbreak for a woman that shows you from the first date to the first mistake, that she is exceptionally special. Be smart enough not to rush in, but don’t be dumb enough to think a girl like that is going to wait around forever. Working on yourself isn’t a good excuse to run away, it’s a safe excuse to stay comfortable because you don’t want to choose wrong. Recognize when you’re blessed with the perfect woman and stop letting your fear of being hurt keep you from capturing your Queen.

For The Ladies: Learn To Date Like A Spartan & Reset Your Relationship Like A Queen- Click Here

For The Men Click Here To Learn How To GROW YOURSELF & Find Love

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Black Girls Are Easy Podcast: Episode 3 – How To Date Multiple People & Win

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Today's Podcast is about options! You should be dating more than one person at a time. You think men are turned off by a woman who is in high demand, wrong! They want to see what the fuss is about, ask Lori Harvey... Here are some tips to make sure you do it properly and build a roster of people who can bring something to your table....

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Top Ten of The Decade

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Spoiler: The Links You click throughout this page can and will change your life…

For those of you that have met me in person, you already know that my favorite question to ask is, “What’s your favorite article?” I ask because I’m always curious to see what topics connect the most. One girl squeezed the hell out of my arm once and yelled, “Pussy Until Proven Wifey is my shit!” and went on to tell me how she didn’t think a lot of what I said applied until after she got her heart broken, and then I seemed like a prophet… One really dope story was an Australian woman who read “The Truth About Soul Mates” and broke off her relationship, only to end up marrying a man she would have missed out on if not for walking away at the right time.

This site has also led to some great friendships and connections over the years. I met a woman who ended up becoming one of my best friends after she brokered a TV deal for Ho Tactics. I’ve been invited to weddings where we toasted to this website and what it meant to the couple. I’ve been inspired by Spartans who now have little Spartans of their own. I’ve traveled the world preaching empowerment. Shit, I remember being in London where I met a stranger who after 20 minutes of chit chat screamed “Wait. Black Girls Are Easy? Why didn’t you say you wrote Black Girls Are Easy!” …I didn’t know if she was going to stab or hug me.

It’s been an amazing run and I literally have a story to tell based off nearly every entry because each one connects on a certain level depending on the person. For most “Are You Wifey or Pussy” was their first introduction to this site, for others “Are Today’s Men Scared of Pussy” and “Why Can’t Women Handle Dick,” led them here. “Stop Being The Bottom Bitch” was the first one that went viral while “Stop Being The Right Man For The Wrong Woman” had men finally nodding along in agreement. From Long Distance Relationships, to The Law of Attraction, even how to snatch another girl’s man…there’s so much I’ve touched on, some topics were so popular that I wrote about them a few times or updated my old advice based on recent results. You can get lost trying to go back and dig through the crates, so I thought that I would do my personal Top Ten with links to my past favorites and why I chose them:

10) Why Women Should Date Multiple Men

Every single woman reading this who is actively ready to date, should be dating at least two men at a time. I know I know… you don’t have the energy for that, you don’t have that many options, blah blah fucking blah. This article was the first time I touched on this topic because I recognized early in the game that women were dating ass backwards. As men, we date around and don’t feel guilty. It’s the fucking dating stage or “talking stage” as the basica’s say, why are you being loyal? “A man won’t want a woman that’s out there dealing with other guys” Sis, he’s not your fucking man so why do you care? Dating doesn’t mean sex, it doesn’t mean you spend 24 hours with him. To date multiple men is as easy as going out with Paul on Friday and Nick on Saturday. Two fucking days of the week. You can’t do that? You think you’re going to burn in hell or break down in tears when a man asks “so who else do you talk to”? Jeez. The women who have used this advice have been plentiful and NONE of them have come back complaining, if anything they come back with thanks and pictures of a wedding ring. Read it, and master it ==== CLICK HERE TO READ.

9) How To Upgrade A Situationship

Too many of you settle for come over and chill, you let men dictate the pace, and you even lie to yourself and say “I don’t want anything serious either” until a few months of fucking and bonding makes you run to me with “how do I reset the rules, I want a real relationship now” This oldie but goodie stands the test of time. If you’re in a situationship, friends with benefit relationship, or stuck in relationship purgatory, I recommend you read it ASAP ==== Click Here To Read

8) You’re Going To Be Cheated On

Men cheat…a lot. 90% of you in a relationship now have been cheated on and those of you in new relationships will most likely be cheated on because we as men love one thing above sports or video games– new pussy. Being in love won’t make a man stay faithful, fucking him every day won’t make him stay faithful, sucking the soul out his body with bomb head won’t make him stay faithful. Males are horrible at temptation, she doesn’t even have to be that pretty, she just has to know how to bait us the right way. This article is for women and men alike, as it’s not a guarantee that a man will cheat nor is it a reflection of the woman if he does. I know it’s scary and it’s triggering, but trust issues or not, read it and be prepared ==== Click Here To Read

7) Why Won’t He Let Go When He Doesn’t Want You

In the years I’ve been doing this site one fact stands out. Women don’t understand male logic. The way men think is so foreign. Guys chase women they don’t want. They make promises they never intend on keeping. They act like sex isn’t everything then it becomes the thing that ruins the relationship. Guys lie to women a lot, they mislead, embellish, and guilt women when they get near the truth. I break the “guy code” a lot. What do men think? They don’t give a fuck because a Basica who wants to give him pussy based on lies and manipulation will give him pussy. Regardless, I wrote this to help those women who are blind and ignorant to the bullshit of men, enjoy ==== Click Here To Read.

6) Educated Fool:

I’m proud to say that this isn’t a website where ratchets go to learn to be more ratchet, and that most of my demographic are college educated women who have their own. This article is my kick in the ass to women who are so smart but act so damn dumb when it comes to seeing through male bullshit. Does degrees won’t keep you warm, but this article will ====  CLICK TO READ

5) How To Build Your Roster

I wrote so Lori Harvey could run! The Sequel to Women Need To Date Multiple Men is all about how to date and audition men without being caught up. This is a favorite of many women and has lead to the most marriages as women who know how to hustle males and make them chase always win out. If you have the Spartan heart and are sick of dating one at a time, this is your stop ==== Click Here To Read.

4) Spoiler Alert He Doesn’t Want You:

He says he loves you. He says he’s fighting for your “relationship”. He says he’s going to be more consistent. He fucks you like that dick is yours. Give it a few weeks or a few months and he’ll be on to the next like you never existed. Why do men do that? Did his feelings die out? Did he never have them to begin with? Why go through all of that trouble and play all those games? Welcome to the world of dating, beloved. Most men don’t like you, let alone love you. If you’re ready for the hard truth read this legendary entry that hurt many feelings but birthed meany Spartans ==== Click Here To Read.

3) Why Are Black Women So Difficult

Before the site’s name change I was always asked, “Why did you call it Black Girls Are Easy?” And my smart ass, sick of answering that question response was, “Because you wouldn’t have clicked the link if I called it, Black women are great.” But the true definition comes in the form of one of my all-time favs. So read this, and never ever fix your mouth to ask me what the meaning of the title is again. CLICK TO READ

2) Weak Bitch Ways:

If you want to point to one post that epitomizes Spartanhood, it’s not “Duh Spartan!” It’s Weak Bitch Ways, because it gives you direct examples of what really stands in your way—your mindset. A weak and timid psyche that leads to indecisive and exploiting behavior. A man can’t game a woman that’s thinking straight, but he can work a number on a woman that’s confused, lonely, and full of a want to be loved. CLICK TO READ

1) Ghosting, Guilting, and other Mind Games – How To Guard Against Gaslighting

Gaslighting is one of those words that gain popularity in the past five years, but it’s been around forever. Most of you are confused and what a man wants and the rest of you are afraid to walk away when he keeps pushing you away and pulling you back. I try not to get too clinical as I want this site to be something anyone can read no matter if you’re 16 or 56, but this was one instance where I was so pissed at the female abuse that I let the machine gun spray. This is the starting point for any woman that feels lost or confused, it’s not you love, it’s probably him ==== Click To Read

Are You Ready To Make This Decade A Spartan Decade?



The Books…



Men Don’t Love Women Like You:

This book is mandatory and certain parts should be highlighted and read weekly. I talk to so many women and have to say “You know that’s all in MDLWLY” and they’re like… “oh”. That book will literally give you what you’re willing to put in. If you skim it or half read it, then it’s just another book on the shelf. BUT if you read it, understand it, and test it out for yourself with the confidence described then you will win. It’s won awards, it’s gotten me in rooms with famous people who I had no idea even needed relationship advice, and most importantly it’s given men and women a Blueprint to take back their power… Click Here To Read

…Ho Tactics:

Ho Tactics: How To MindFuck… is truly “The Secret” of relationship books and has given way to real breakthrough moments where women have regained their confidence in a practical way that they couldn’t with Solving Single. I set out to make an Ikea like easy to follow guide, and those that had the courage to follow the steps, have done it! It really is unlike anything I had written before. At first the title threw people off as if I was going against my Girl Power beliefs, but for any woman that’s read it, Ho Tactics has nothing to do with prostituting yourself out, but reaffirming how to mentally take control over any situation.

I exposed the game and how easy it is for any woman to master. Men use Dick Tactics every day to run game, I figured it was time to even up the playing field, so even the women with the lowest self esteem could get their WORTH! From the response—mission accomplished. CLICK TO READ

Honorable mention: Solving Single, my first book is the best of this blog, well the first five years of it, and is a very easy read that introduces you to the first stage of the Spartan Mindset.

Also big shout out to all the guest writers over the years Bmore Banner, Derrick Jaxn, Adara, Nefarious Bliss, and Wisdom Is Misery…

Most importantly thank YOU for all the love and support! Make sure to Tweet me your personal favorite and the reason why.

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Black Girls Are Easy Podcast: Episode 2 – How To Become More Confident

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Today's Podcast is about YOU. Self Esteem doesn't come easy. Here are some ways to instantly improve your self-esteem and become more confidence and Spartan Up......

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Are Today’s Men Scared of Pussy Part II: Rise of The Simp

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Guy 1: Worked with this woman for over a year, really liked her, they had a great vibe, flirted innocently… but he never asked her on a date. Not even when a co-worker told him that she was into him. One day this woman popped up with a boyfriend, later on she moved in with said boyfriend. Finally, one night after work, Guy 1 sat in her car and confessed that he was in love. She politely informed him that she was in love too…with her new man. The guy took it hard and stopped speaking to her at work all together.

Guy 2: Dated this woman for several months, and by date I mean watched TV and fucked. The woman asked me for advice on how to get out of this situationship. I advised her to communicate her wants (in a very Spartan way). She did. This guy broke down in tears and revealed that he had been cheated on by his last two girlfriends and he wasn’t ready for anything serious. She walked away because being come over and chill pussy wasn’t her goal. Guy 2 came back two years later saying he was ready. She sent him back a screenshot of her engagement ring and the letters “FOH”.

Guy 3: Was a friend of mine who entered a relationship with a woman who was a pretty big deal in the entertainment industry. Not only did they have tons of things in common, she motivated him to get his career to the next level and even hooked him up with some connections that paid off. Not even a year into the relationship he cheated. She broke up with him. He ran back to his ex-girlfriend, a ratchet from the hood who was unemployed, didn’t care what he did with his life so long as she got to lay under him. To this day he tells me the first woman was trying to change who he was, this other girl just let’s him do him.

What the fuck is wrong with today’s men? All the big talk on social media, all the stories about how they’re not afraid of anything, it’s all CAP. I’ve noticed this shift in men becoming soft and women becoming hard years ago and I wrote She Ain’t It in order to help them as best I could. Still, most men aren’t going to read and learn, instead they’ll keep being defensive, keep being afraid, and keeping blowing their shots at love. Ladies, you may think men don’t care, are these emotionally unavailable creatures, and because they’re cut to you or have money they can get hoes. Allow me to open up the reality jar. In the years I’ve been doing this site, I’ve come across athletes, musicians, police officers, even a CEO of teach company you all know, and these men, just like the every day Joes, push women away or refuse to put themselves out there because of fear. Today I’m going to go over a few different aspects of Male Fear. If you’re a guy reading this, read until the end. If you’re a woman, SHARE this shit, because these guys need to be held accountable in order to better their lives.

The Rise of The Simp (The Problem With Today’s Men)

Some men are used to rejection, some men have steel nerves, and some men know that a few bad relationships isn’t a reason to shut down. To those fellas, I applaud you for being strong. What I can’t respect is the: I’m too short… all these women are hoes… they don’t really like me for me… self-doubters. A lot of women listen to guys talk or read what guys say online and think “Oh, so that’s what men want, let me act like that so I can get one.” That pick me shit is normal in the minds of insecure women, but it’s also become the new normal for males. I’m not talking about the toxic masculinity of “be tough don’t show feelings”. I’m talking about the confidence that comes with being born a male… This is a patriarchal world, male supremacy is real, yet you wouldn’t know it because today’s men are overly sensitive.

The Hate: That fine ass girl on IG wrote a caption about how you have to be paid to date her, so you clap back that she’s a piece of shit and secretly pray for her downfall… yet you still follow her.

The Sadness: Some girl tweeted that she needs a tall man with a beard. You don’t have that so it sticks in your head, and the next time you see a girl you could talk to, you think twice because what if that real life woman feels the same way as that random chick on twitter.  

The Real: No man should give a fuck about being a girl’s type, meeting her imaginary list of Must-Haves, or if she was aiming for another dude when she walked in the room. The proof is in the results, and regardless of if she wouldn’t have chosen you first, you ended up with her. That’s called victory. Men chose, women settle. That’s not always negative because 75% of the time women don’t make a first move and don’t really know what they’re looking for beyond a fantasy concept of “Jason Mamoa type with good credit but with a bad boy edge that will put me in my place“. Ladies, how many guys have surprised you and grew into your type? How many guys who were your type but missed out because they didn’t shoot their shot? Women are diverse in their attractions. Social media shit talking should never be taken at face value, the woman who wouldn’t follow you back online will often give you her number in real life. The problem is we live in that bubble where the internet is the reality that men and women bend to.  Seeing women sell themselves short because they have no self-esteem irritates me, but it also irks me that these young dudes are struggling to be men because they feel as if they aren’t good enough according to internet or Reality TV standards. Jealousy is the 2nd weakest emotion behind fear, and I think it’s time that I put you young brothers back on the, “I can have any woman I want” track because how can a Spartan Queen ever find a King in a world full of pussy ass men.

Mr. Fear of Commitment

Women see potential in a man from day one, it’s not a delusion, it’s an intuition. A guy who has a kind heart, wise, smart in an out of the box kind of way, and who is filled with original ideas glows when she’s dating because the average woman has wasted enough time with other men who don’t have those intangibles or skills. The problem becomes that once a man and woman date for a long period of time or enter an actual relationship and she realizes that his potential isn’t being lived up to. So what does she do? She tries to guide him, motivate him, or point out what he could be doing to fully realize this potential. Why? One part is that if she can make him the best version of himself, she benefits from having a fully realized partner, not a “fixer upper” boyfriend like most women have. The other part is selfless, she genuinely wants him to do well in life. What happens when a man doesn’t want to live up to his potential or ignores you because he wants to do things his own way? You two argue and eventually stop talking. 

Males are notoriously stubborn. As men we think we know everything and how to do everything. Right now there’s a guy trying to tell you how to run a business but he doesn’t even have 10k in his bank account. Right now there’s a man telling you he knows how to promote a brand better than you, but he doesn’t have any clients. Right now there is a man who has been working at the same miserable job who will catch an attitude if you suggest a way to move on to something new. Men don’t want women telling them what to do because most of them think women aren’t as smart, are too emotional, or only want to change them to be like another man she also knows. When a guy drags his feet, be it to get into a relationship, to go from being engaged to married, or any purgatory stage, it’s not because of lack of love for you, it’s due to fear. The fear that you will put the pressure of his own potential on him which he can never fully live up to in the way you imagine.

Women are planners, most of you ladies have lists, vision boards, weekly, monthly, even multi-year goals. When you put a man into your plans and assume that he is going to be making a certain amount, that he is going to see his own goals through, and that by a specific year you’ll be this perfect power couple, he pushes you away. It’s not that he doesn’t see your vision, it’s that your vision is too tightly laid out. You begin feeling like his mother or his boss. You don’t plan for how he’s feeling mentally or the way males commonly switch up directions and try new things on. It’s not that he doesn’t want to commit to you as a romantic partner, he doesn’t want to commit to you as this smothering dictator who will be on his back if he doesn’t hit goals on time or stick to the plan. These men would rather sabotage a relationship with you, go find a basic woman, and figure his life out at his own pace. Meanwhile, you’re back crying thinking about how it could have been so great if only he saw in himself what you saw in him. Besides every great man isn’t always a great woman, sometimes it’s the most basic of bitches. Nevertheless, the road for any man will always benefit from having a woman that’s an equal not a liability.

Fellas, you don’t need a woman to mother you or plan out your future, but at the same time you can’t be afraid to collaborate, put your minds together, and work towards something that can benefit you. If you’re currently dealing with someone, ask yourself one simple question “does she better me”. I’m not asking if she fucks you good, cooks for you, listens to you spew your bullshit opinions, or if she’s loyal. Does she challenge you to be the best version of yourself? If the answer is “kinda” then she’s not the one. If the answer is “always” then why are you dragging your feet? She will change you, but change is good. She will hold you accountable, but accountability is mandatory. She will expect the most from you to the point where it annoys you, but isn’t that what you need?

Mr. Not Good Enough

Everywhere I go women tell me, “Boys act worse than girls these days,” and they are right. This is a nation of simps that get in their feelings anytime a girl shows other men attention, be they rappers, athletes, or even regular dudes that posses what they don’t have. Remember back when that mugshot of felon Jeremy Meeks went viral? Dudes were hurt! They said all kinds of ignorant things about “you pass up the good guys for the criminals” or “this is why you hoes single mothers, you choose guys that either end up in jail, dead, or hooked on drugs”. That anger had nothing to do with Meeks being a criminal; it was about women showing attention to another man who had traits they didn’t possess. Female Validation makes men lash out at women and other men, it makes men want to fight, and even rape because they hate not being in control, not being wanted, or not being seeing as special. 

Go online right now and I bet you’ll find a dude hating under a picture of a pretty girl, talking about her makeup or insinuating her body is fake. Go check out a post where a man tries to uplift a woman and the bitter simps are there to accuse the man of pandering for pussy. Let a woman tweet her opinion on something in terms of males, and you’ll see these clowns mob up, not to take shots at her words but to downgrade her looks, because how dare she have an opinion and not look like Beyonce. The question is why do men today CARE about empowering post, women wearing makeup, women wearing wigs on their timelines, and other males who get more pussy than they do? These types of men act catty as if they are the victim because their future is at stake. Imagine if all those women were shallow, if only Alpha males got ass, and if women were empowered across the board. They would be left single and lonely for life. Bitter males live to chop strong women down to size, to shame women into being Pick Mes, and to throw salt on rival males because that’s how they get chose in the end. Ladies think about those guys you dated who played the victim, talked about conspiracies 24-7, were jealous about who you talked to or followed online, and would take shots at the way you dressed. They did this for a reason. Lesser men survive because soft women see potential in them to be great. If the bar were to become “Get your shit together” rather than, “You had a hard life, I’ll help you” then that would eliminate half of these simps from ever getting girlfriends. Weak men guilt strong women into lowering standards, and it’s time for this shit to stop.

Male-supremacy brainwashing that blames hoe culture for the downfall of “The Nice Guys”. The thing is, are you really a nice guy or are you bitter? Are you really made at women for not wanting to split the bills, or are you made at yourself for not being able to not split a bill? Do you really think that guy is gay or are you intimidated by his looks? Do you really think that girl is a hoe, or does she remind you of a someone you wish you could have? Look around you. The men who have been rejected, who have been cheated on, and who can only feast on low hanging fruit, those are the ones on your timeline right now fighting to keep women in their place. The ones that can’t get women’s attention in real life, those are the ones that call out flaws when a woman is getting too much love online. It’s not about preference or opinion, it’s an anger built on frustration. What plus sized woman broke your heart? What darker skinned woman rejected you to the point where you have to take shot at complexions? What India Love looking chick refused to answer your DM? What popular girl chose your friend over you and made you hate so hard?

Confidence Building 101

Many cats are growing up without fathers, without big brothers, and they’re so soft that they don’t know how to react to lack of attention or rejection. I’m from a generation where it was cool for a girl to say “no,” because you just go after the next one until you get a yes. Real G’s don’t take it personal, they don’t sulk, they don’t slander women, and they don’t try to force the issue. These new cats should be out getting pussy or trying to find an ambitious girl they can build with… instead, they’re on the internet crying, criticizing makeup, dropping memes, and all these petty stuff that shows the world that men are becoming pussy.

Height Doesn’t Really Matter

I like when women praise tall dudes, just off the strength of being tall, it’s revenge for all the dudes that gas girls whose only positive is a big ass. Girls don’t want to hear about some Buttaface being bae because of a donky ass, and dudes don’t want to hear about some 6’4” dude who can’t even hoop being put on a pedestal. Now that we’re all even, let’s be honest. Some girls thirst for height, but it’s not a deal breaker in the way social media makes it out to be. It’s a want not a need. The only thing girls break quicker than their height requirement is their no carb diet. Ignore. That. Shit! If you look good, talk right, and act better, you will Kevin Hart that pussy, and that same Bird that was like, “I need Kobe tall,” changes her tune to, “Girl, tall niggas ain’t even all that, I need that dick thrown from a low center of gravity.” It’s all bullshit; people don’t know what they are truly attracted to until they are put to the test. Worry about being the best in the world at what you do. Perfect your game, your approach, and go get what you came for, because you never know what you’ll land when you try.

Women Upgrade Looks Based On Affection

I read some OK Cupid poll that said that women ONLY find 80% of men unattractive. I can buy that because all dudes are funny looking, who besides Prince has been default pretty? Men are rugged, weird looking, they have facial blemishes they don’t care about hiding, they put on weight and don’t care, and most don’t even dress for their body types. So why do women still go for them? Because females aren’t as shallow as we think! Ask a woman what her face would look like. Now try to go find a man that has that face—you may find 3-5 people in this world who meets her standard. So why is the human race still reproducing in record numbers? Because women settle! Statistics don’t take into account what a girl wants versus what she will take.

The appearance bar is high, but females don’t mind lowering it if a man has other attributes that make her warm inside. I know a girl who got married to this Vince Herbert looking dude, and I told her he was a real cool guy and I see why she married him. Her insecurity wouldn’t let her take the personality compliment; she felt a need to say, “I like big teddy bears, that’s always been my type.” I could have said, bitch you used to suck my homie’s dick cus you said he looked like Omarion, don’t front, but I didn’t. Some women will make their current mate match up with what their type is after the fact, it’s nothing more than revisionist upgrading to make it seem as if she didn’t settle. The moment you win the affection of a woman, your wide ears, your hook nose, your misshapen head, or any funny looking feature grows on her, and you become better looking than the first time she laid eyes on you. I wrote about men experiencing the same “personality makes her prettier” transformation in Solving Single. This is not fake, it’s not being delusional, it’s human nature to see past the flaws of those you like and focus on their strong points.

Most of the guys reading this have been rejected online. You try to DM a chick who doesn’t write back, you Tinder bad chicks, and never get swiped back. I’m sure that makes you feel a certain way, but you have to look beyond the internet. I said it before, and I’ll keep saying it, women are much pickier online than in public due to the sheer number of thirst buckets responding to their best picture. Out in public those same “I woke up like this” girls may still be pretty, but the majority won’t garner the same attention as their online profile. Fuck inboxing, walk up and talk to a girl, make her laugh, get her number, and take her out. That same girl online would have ignored your advances, but in real life she’s not being bombarded with dick, so you got a shot. Of course, there will always be top shelf girls who are picky and should be meticulous because they can do better than your ass, but the other 90% will entertain you even if it’s due to boredom. Once you get a foot in, you can use your swag to kick the door open. A month later, she’s the one calling you because the time you’ve spent has made you appear more appealing than she initially thought you were.

Broke Men Still Get Pussy

We are living in the golden age of female independence. Those women that are 25-35 have come of age in a world where the nuclear family has crumbled. The father that was supposed to take care of the mother, either wasn’t around or didn’t have a pot to piss in. Those women that grew up with absentee dads knew that the only way to get the things they wanted was to work for it. Modern American women are the hardest working creatures on the planet, because they don’t expect to be taken care of by men the same way women who grew up in the 50’s did. That’s a positive thing, but being hardworking and educated doesn’t equate to being smarter than Dick. Dick may not have Bachelors from a University but he has a Masters when it comes to manipulating lonely women. I hear, “I never meet men on my financial level,” all the time because women who make good money, tend to still be attracted to men that remind them of guys from the old neighborhood. The sad thing is that those local dudes didn’t go out and conquer the world, they’re broke, living paycheck to paycheck, or underemployed. Their hustle is to hook up with a girl who doesn’t mind helping him out, and pull himself up by using her as an investor. Women complain about this after they get played, but when your type is “cute but hood” and you’re turned off by “squares with money” then you will always end up dating struggle dick.

It’s not that there aren’t quality men out here, it’s that most women are in a comfort zone of dating the same types. There are countless women that admit that they will never have a man with money, but they are okay with that because they have the mentality that “I can earn money, all I need is his love and support.” Think about that, women have become the men in relationships in the sense of bread winning, because women don’t believe they can find a man with equal finances who will love them in today’s world. These Fixer-Upper men, need her, so he will love her, and that’s what she settles for, dependency not partnership and standards.

“Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry…” – Gloria Steinem

A lot is made of the Hoes that are out here winning, but financially independent women could pull the same type of paid men as the gold diggers pull, in a non-user way if they tried. There are more men with wealth today than in any other time in history! However, females with their own shit often feel guilty about being shallow, as if they are going to get a gold star for ignoring the guy in the Benz and choosing the guy with the Bus pass. Lowering standards sucks for women, but it puts men who are struggling on equal footing with men who have money. As a man growing up in today’s world you may feel like a loser because you aren’t making a lot of money per hour, you never finished college, or some imaginary white Free Mason is holding you back. To see Fabolous step out in the all-white Rolls Royce or listen to Drake rap about living in a house so big he has to use a walkie-talkie just to get a beverage, will make you feel like you lost at life. I’m not going to get into a “nigga do better” sermon about money, but let’s assume you don’t even have 2k in the bank and are out of work or living paycheck to paycheck. You can still have the girl of your dreams. Money should never be the reason you don’t ask for a number or why you break up with a girl you love. So many women are heartbroken because men ghost them, not because they were bad girlfriends, but because the male is ashamed of his financial situation. Being a man means that you should be able to look out for those you love, but choosing that pride over a good woman won’t improve your fortunes.

What’s the reason men give for not wanting to date outside of Netflix nights or make a girl he really likes his girlfriend? Money! You don’t have enough money to date that woman you want or to get into the type of relationship she deserves. That’s a weak ass excuse. If you have $40 for a used X-Box game, then you aren’t so poor that you can’t date seriously. There are way more ladies than hoes walking this earth, and they will not hold a cheap date against you. The thing you guys need to focus on is the effort. Give a woman your time, energy, and attention and they will appreciate that much more than a $200 dinner. Stop being ashamed of your finances when you’re on your way up in life. Women will understand your situation so long as it is legit and you communicate it, instead of trying to front like you’re paid then lying to her the night of the date. You know you can’t afford that meal for two plus tip, so why even pick that restaurant? You know you won’t have money until Friday so why are you trying to make plans on Thursday, then hitting her with “oh, can we just kick it at my place instead?” That’s fraud shit! Financial insecurity goes back to over analyzing what women talk about and not paying attention to how they really live. A girl can sit and talk about how she needs five star everything and a man that drives a foreign whip no more than two years old, but I’m here to tell you that most of these sisters out here are far from shallow. Instagram “models” may seem unattainable, but they aren’t. I repeat, women tend to date the same kind of men they grew up liking, so even if you don’t have much money, she will still be open to dating you so long as you treat her with respect. Value isn’t about the dollar signs, it’s about showing her that you’re trying your best within your means to prove that she’s someone you want to know on a deeper level than just sex.

She Ain’t It By G.L. Lambert “A Must Read”

The counter arguments may be that you don’t have money to date a bunch of women and risk being played for the little you have. As a broke dude, you don’t have to be selective, because even if shorty is a hoe, what’s the most she can get from you, an appetizer from Cheesecake Factory? Stop being so paranoid and stop thinking women are going to look down on you! Those foundation face weave wranglers y’all dudes thirst after as unattainable are merely community pussy that talk a good game in hopes some simp will trick on them. If you can open your mouth and speak clear English, then you have just as good a shot at landing her as any other man walking this earth, no matter what team he plays for or how light his eyes are. I’m not going to lie, I would rather a woman date at the highest level, but I’m a realist and I know that a person’s character isn’t defined by their bank account or car model. Be confident in yourself, no matter what your Wells Fargo reads. Money comes and goes, but your personality is what’s going to keep that woman in love. The next time you’re out, don’t be afraid to talk to the prettiest girl in the room because you live with your mother or you’re in-between jobs. Don’t let your temporary financial situation ruin a shot at real love. Women are understanding, Hoes are underhanded, so the fact that she’s willing to give you a shot knowing your financial situation proves that she’s an honest woman worth sacrificing your last $20 to show a good time. Stop running from Queens because you don’t have the money of a King. If anything those hardworking women can help you, not take care of your broke ass, but help you get where you need to be.

Stop Being Afraid of Pussy

I know a lot of you guys won’t admit this, but you’re afraid of pussy. Not the physical task of thrusting inside a vagina, but the anxiety of talking to a girl that may not like you or falling for one that may game you. These fools say they’re emotionally unavailable, and women buy that shit, some Basicas even get turned on. We both know that you’re not emotionally unavailable, you’re just trying to play off the fact that you’re afraid girls won’t like the real you the longer they get to know you! Men aren’t allowed to talk about being nervous; we have to pretend we don’t get butterflies because we have to behave hard. Men can’t confess that they’re worried about liking a girl too much; we have to pretend as if we only want sex so we won’t get our feelings hurt if she doesn’t want more from us. Men can’t confess that they’re afraid to settle down because they might get cheated on. Men can’t confess that the relationships scare us, and that’s the problem. It’s time to man up and communicate your feelings. Your parents had a bad relationship, confront how that has made you see love. Your exes did you extremely dirty, open up about that pain. Maybe you’re afraid you will cheat again or that you won’t choose the right woman, don’t keep running, get to know the reason behind your fears! You don’t have to keep everything so bottled up. The definition of “manly” is facing that which fears you the most, so be a fucking man!

Read Next: Why Can’t Women Handle Dick?

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Thanks for reading Are Today’s Men Scared of Pussy Part II: Rise of The Simp

Black Girls Are Easy Podcast: Episode 1 – How To Expose Male Players

Far From BasYc

Audio Guide to help you Spartan Up! Five steps to expose a man that is trying to use you.

The official G.L. Lambert Show premiers 2/17/20…stay tuned.

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Thanks for reading Black Girls Are Easy Podcast: Episode 1 – How To Expose Male Players

Chasing You Doesn’t Mean He’s Interested: Guarding Against Users

Far From BasYc

A guy chased you for years trying to get a date, and you
finally gave in only for him to lose interest a month later…

A guy spent weeks blowing up your phone, taking you out, and
tricking gifts only to randomly become too busy to text back…

A guy who had a WHOLE girlfriend left her just to get a shot
with you, only to ghost you without reason…

Catch and Release it’s what we males do at some point during our lives if not for life. Every woman reading this has had a man on her heels; thirsting, spending, begging, being vulnerable all in an attempt to get your full attention. THEN the moment you start to like this guy more than usual, he switches up. Sometimes it comes after sex, sometimes you don’t even have sex. Regardless if you sleep with him or not, the real damage comes in the form of the confused rejection. Let’s be honest ladies, sometimes these false alarm men are everything you’re looking for physically and personality-wise… but 8 out of 10 times they’re not your type. You adjusted your checklist because of how he pursued you. Coming correct with real effort, is a turn on that quickly turns Mr. So-So into Mr. Sexy AF.

“Make sure a man is more into you than you are into him” is solid advice until you realize that men are experts at turning the table and making you fall hard and fast. The first month he was on you, but by the second month, you’re the one open due to the attention and treatment. That’s the Catch phase. Then, out of nowhere, that same eager man stops calling as much, stops trying to see you, gets busy, and eventually you stop speaking altogether. That’s the Release phase. Why did he do that? What was the point? Keep reading…

I’ve heard all the stories from, “Everything changed after we had sex,” to “I didn’t even fuck him, he still started acting funny” and most recently, “He doesn’t make an effort to see me anymore but still watches all my IG stories…” Rejection is a bitch, especially when you felt like the dominant force in the driver’s seat. He was on your clit, yet he still had the power to take away his attention and hurt your feelings. You say you don’t care, but you do. You claim he didn’t ghost you, but he did. Yeah, he’ll text back some dry bullshit if you hit him first—doesn’t mean he likes your ass. Yeah, he watches your social media stories—but he’s looking at every cute girl’s story, that shit isn’t special. You may even pretend you cut him off, but the reality is if he reached out and wanted to see you, you would be like— “If you want…” You still want to repair things, not because you see him as special, but because rejection invalidates your ego. To feel better, you need to be recognized by the same person who pulled you in and pushed you away. Vent about him, curse his name, go date someone else, it won’t take away the pain, beloved. The very thought of him triggers you because once again a man made you look stupid. He’s off living his best life, and you’re stuck in your feelings, wondering what you said, did, or didn’t do that drove him away. In the end, it’s all a game, and it’s time for you to stop losing.

The Pursuit

Do the romantic actions of men during those first few weeks
or months mean they want you? That depends on how you define “want.” 90% of
straight men would fuck you, yes even you over there who just sucked your
teeth…your low self-esteem having ass could get dick tomorrow if you tried
because guys are easy. Sex or the fetish attraction driven by lust is not the “want”
I’m referring to when discussing pursuit. When I say “want” I’m talking about a
passion to get to know who you are beneath the surface, not beneath your
clothes. I’m pointing to a need to experience the whole of you and ultimately to
tether himself as your man because he can’t imagine another having you. Every male
has romantic passion inside of him. There is no such thing as a man who doesn’t
want or need love. “So why didn’t he want me after I did XYZ” Ah-ha! That’s
the carrot that’s dangling. Just because a man is capable of giving you his
love doesn’t mean he will. In my book Men Don’t Love Women Like You
I outline Game Changer’s versus Placeholders, so I won’t go into that psychology.
Instead I want you to understand what negative pursuit looks like so you can save
yourself the frustration of falling for someone who will eventually run hot
then go cold.

When was the last time you’ve been truly wanted on a deeper level than the physical? Do you even know how to tell the difference between someone truly interested and someone who is chasing you for sport? Each of you has dated or has seen enough of your friends’ date to recognize that pursuit doesn’t equate to genuine interests. Even still, you “give chances” aka “allow yourself to be played” because you have yet to master the ability to poke holes in a person’s character. You want to believe in the bullshit philosophy that if a person is treating you good in the beginning that their intentions are pure. A few dates, daily texts, long phone calls, going on a trip, are nothing but a smokescreen, but you swear it means that a person really likes you because when it comes to romance, ego drowns out wisdom!

A man’s willingness to chase what’s between your legs isn’t the same as craving you on a deeper emotional level. Some men chase to get over exes. Some men chase to boost their own low self-esteem. Some men chase out of power. Some men chase women in relationships because it feels good to beat out another man. Some men chase women who see them as platonic, just because they want to prove they can get out of that friend box. Some guys get your number just text you, never even asking you on a date, because you’re just conversation, not worth taking out. Some men talk to you just to get closer to your friend, that’s who he really wants to hit. And yes, men chase women for pussy more times than not because that’s what we’re hard-wired to want, a nut. I know you’re thinking, “I hate boys, I quit.” Again, I’m not talking about ALL MEN. I’m just preparing you to toughen up, so you see past the ones I’m currently describing.

Why Male Bullshit
Works

Woman Logic: But there are so many other
women he could go after that would be easier… why spend all that time talking
on the phone… why spend money on dates… why tell me all these deep things… why
chase me if it was just a hallow act of boredom, lust, or competition?

Men don’t need a cosmic reason to go after you other than an impulse. The game goes CHASE, CATCH, RELEASE until we run into a Game Changer that makes us want to hold onto the catch stage longer than normal or even forever. Some men like the idea of a woman, but once they get hold of her, that reality can fail to create that same spark as that imagined fantasy, so they fall back, get busy, or simply pop up with something new so you get the hint. I know… it’s a cold fucked up world. Even making it this simple, you’re probably still confused. If a guy just wants to have sex, why doesn’t he say it? If he still wants to shop around why treat you like a girlfriend? Think of males like career criminals, some mature and reform their ways and are totally honest when pursuing women. The other half, all they know is how to run game, even when it would be easier to be honest. I call these guys The Typical Males…

Typical Male Actions: Chase for sex but act and talk as if they want more. Ruin a platonic or work friendship by saying they want to take it deeper but in actuality they just want to hit. Have a friends with benefits situation but manipulates the woman into not talking to other men, but make sure he’s free to still fuck other women. Has a girlfriend and wants new pussy for diversity sake, but claims they’re unhappy in their relationship so the woman feels less guilty about allowing him to cheat with her.

As a woman you’re not wired to play this kind of cat and mouse game. You’re looking for something real and assume someone who puts in that initial effort is also looking for something substantial. “This is why men need to change their ways! GL, teach these boys to be men!” that’s not going to happen, princess, this behavior works too well. The only change is when women stop falling for it. The question is, why do YOU assume pursuit is genuine when you’ve seen how the story goes? How do smart women consistently allow their hearts to override their common sense? Is it hope? Is it optimism? No. It’s ego.  

Riddle me this: are you naïve to how men operate or do
truly believe the men who chase after you are exceptions to this rule? Women
live for attention. I’m not talking about the telling everyone it’s your birthday
month, brand of basic attention. The ego that men exploit is that want to be
wanted, praised, and proven special. Think about the world you live in with
social media, affordable plastic surgery, and the bombardment of women who
either look better than you look or have more than what you have. No matter who
you are, you can go through that discovery page on IG and see a chick that
seemingly outshines you in your own opinion. To have someone on your heels
as if you’re a celebrity, to tell you how better you are than other women, to
risk their relationship, or wait on the sideline waiting for you to give them a
shot is empowering. In the moment where men kiss your ass, blow up your
phone, or spend money on you, you feel like a goddess. That’s how a Kardashian feels,
that’s how Beyoncé feels, that’s not just romantic love, it’s groupie love that
proves that no matter how many likes those chicks on IG get, you’re just as amazing.

The catch is, you’re not being chased daily, at least not by
men you would consider dating. That validation that you can ONLY get from male
attention doesn’t occur that often, leaving you lost at times. You don’t need a
man, but it’s nice to have one to talk to… you don’t want a relationship, but
it feels good to go out and be treated like you’re the only woman in the world.
New men who pursue you know that you have this insecure crack in your armor,
and they slip through with consistent effort. Exes or guys, you cut off run
back and play to your ego as well, and you allow them to remain in your life
because you LOVE male attention. Own up to your insecurities and stop
pretending you don’t long for affection because faking like you’re a savage isn’t
going to protect your heart. The 21st century is a very shallow
place. Depression and Anxiety are more common than ever, and positive
reinforcement that you are good enough is hard to find if you don’t have
self-confidence. You’ve been waiting to be chased, waiting to play hard to get,
waiting for a man to put in effort and passionately claim you. That masculine energy
of showing you that you’re wanted not only makes you moist it blinds you to the
fact that it may be fool’s gold. With your eyes now open. Here are the top
things to look for to guard against this onslaught.

Guarding Against
The Pursuit

The Blitz Test: He meets you, he’s smitten, he gets your number. That’s how most of you will start this journey. It doesn’t matter how you meet him online or off. What you need to look out for his that initial hurry to win you over. A man being excited and in a rush to text you, call you, or take you out isn’t a negative. You want engagement, not someone who is trying to play it way too cool like you’re some average bitch. However, you can’t let a man consume all your time out of the gate. Marathon phone calls—bonds you fast. Multiple dates in one week—bonds you fast. Taking you out of town during the first month—bonds you fast. The more a guy talks to you the more comfortable you get. Lowering a woman’s guard can be difficult because of the nature of the fuck boy dating pools that have hardened most females. From an early age, men learn that getting a woman to open her legs is often easier than getting her to open up about who she is and all the things she’s survived. The workaround to soften even the toughest woman is to blitz her.

By smothering a woman by wanting to see her and talk to her every day during the first 1-4 weeks a man succeeds in earning her trust. It sounds silly, but it’s beyond common. The routine of talking to him becomes comforting. The conversation is fun because everything you reveal or that he reveals is exciting and new. The second level conversations where you have inside jokes or where he just shuts up and listens to your problems, it puts you at ease. If he’s taking you out on date after date, it’s like a fairytale; you finally have something to do and can brag to your friends about all the places you’re going. In terms of rival men, your ex, situationship bae, or even that crush you’ve been waiting to make a move on, they all get pushed to the side because he’s overcharging you with male energy to the point where you don’t have time to think about outside dick.

He’s not your boyfriend, you won’t even have sex at this point, but by blitzing you with attention and consistent healthy treatment you will over like him in short time. There are stories of people who met, were inseparable, and jumped into a relationship so you may think it’s good that a man is blitzing you, it’s evidence that he thinks you’re special. You’re not worried about how much time you’re spending with him because this is what “love” is supposed to feel like…then he stops seeing you as much, and you’re now searching his social media for clues only to find out he’s now blitzing a new woman.

Guarding Against The Blitz: Never give any ONE man more than 20% of your time during the courting stage. He can call you and text you, but don’t talk to him every night and don’t text him throughout the day. His job is to take you out and date you so you can see how much he values you. With that as a goal, that first 1-2 weeks of conversation should consist of seeing if he’s good enough/safe enough to take you out and then planning that date. You text to chit chat. You jump on the phone to find out the basics if you don’t already know them, such as his job status, his family history, and to poke for red flags from past relationships. Once you set the date, there’s not much to keep talking about until AFTER that first date.

On that first date is where you do all the vetting that I’ve covered on this site and in my books. If he tries to see you again that next day, decline. If he tries to take you on a date again in two more days or wants you to meet up with his friends at some bar, decline. If he calls you after work and wants to talk, have a conversation about things you forgot to talk about on that date, but keep it short. Do not spend the next four nights after your first date talking for hours and having phone sex. Dirty talk turns into wanting to see you, and you’re just as horny, so you want to see him. Even though you may not go over to his place and have sex, you now get into the habit of house chilling. That’s how the blitz works lady, men pour all that attention on you until you loosen up the standards, and now because you had marathon phone sessions, went out a few times in one week, and let him kiss below the neck, you’re open. Two weeks ago, he was a stranger who you didn’t even think was all that cute, now you’re getting fingered to Disney+.

Learn to lie about things you have to do the next day. Learn
to make excuses for why you can’t randomly see him after work. Learn to say, “how
about Friday, instead.” 20% of your time means that even if you’re bored
and lonely you must maintain the image of a busy life. If he sees you’re a do-nothing
chick or all you have outside of work are reality shows and social media
scrolling, he’s going to run over you. At the same time, men need to be humbled
while in pursuit, even the good ones. My now-wife told me “no” several times
and did not pick up the phone every time I called. Slowing down the process
keeps a man honest, and it keeps you from getting caught up in the wave of that
new exciting energy of male affection. Again, you may not like lying or faking
busy, but it’s better to play hard to get than to get played.

The Spoil Test: One of my favorite internet jokes is “It’s always ‘how was your day’ never here let me pay your rent’ boys are so ghetto” One of my favorite Ho Tactics stories was “G.L. I did what was in the book and why did this guy give me money for my rent before we even went on a date.” For every joke about men spending money, there are actual guys who don’t mind tricking because they have it. The world we live in is filled with tricks, treats, and sponsors. Some of you will meet these kinds of men for the very first time, and it will blow your mind because you will assume the spending of money means he’s invested in a future with you. Money isn’t everything blah blah blah, but have you ever just gotten $500 just because it was a Tuesday and he was thinking about you? No matter what you can do for yourself, money mixed with consistent male attention is extremely seductive.

The most common version of Spoiling pursuit that I’m emailed isn’t so much money being given, but the kind of dates a man pampers a new woman with. Five-star restaurants, tickets to a concert, treating your friends, and being offended if any of them try to pay, one guy took my friend on a Helicopter ride the first date, just to remind her who the fuck he was. Most men ball out the first date. What the Spoiler does is keep up that effort and show you that this isn’t a front to fuck you fast, it’s how he rolls. Unlike typical males these kinds of pursuers are rarely in a rush to push for sex. A lot of women I advise are confused as to why a man is spending without trying to hustle them back to their room. The sex isn’t the payoff, the payoff is blowing your mind, keeping that smile on your face, and then going in for the kill when he feels he’s played the “Daddy” role long enough. It’s a male ego trip that you don’t know is at play because in your mind you’re counting all the money he’s spent just to get to know you and assume you have him sprung. Wrong!

Laying up with a cute guy and cuddling is nice, but it doesn’t
stroke the ego like riding in his luxury car, being giving gifts just because,
showing off to your friends, and being surprised each week with what he has
planned for you next. It’s easy to get caught up in this world he’s creating
for you, but there is something deeper than materialism at play. Spoiling
activates the “security” programing that all women have. That program
dictates: I can do things on my own, but it would be so good if I had
someone like this to partner up with me. Women unconsciously look for
providers, it’s how the entire human race has survived. The result is in a
month or two he wins you over, and then the wheels come off. Maybe he has sex,
and the lust dissipates, or maybe he finds a new version of you to spoil. Either
way you’re left emotionally distraught because you didn’t lose some guy; you
lost a fucking Unicorn. Now it’s back to dating broke boys or stingy guys who expect
you to go Dutch. “How do I get him back, GL” is what I hear all the time
when it comes to dating these spoilers, but the truth is, you never had him in
the first place, he was just buying an experience.

The Best Gift You Can Give Yourself

Guarding Against The Spoil Test: Act like you’ve been treated to nice shit before even if you haven’t! Narcissists and egomaniacs get off on blowing your mind with treatment, but they’re waiting to pull the rug from under you and “send you back to the streets.” Control freaks use money to gain your loyalty, then dangle it over your head once you become dependent. I have stories about how to turn the tables and milk them dry, but this isn’t about Ho Tactics, this is about guarding your heart. When you come up against this kind of man, you must use reverse psychology. By the third fancy place, suggest something more low key or more your speed. Never turn down a gift, but return the favor by giving them a return present the next time. For every aspect of trying to overdo it, you need to fire back the favor. Not only does this show him that you don’t need his money, it proves that you bring something to the table. If he was only looking for a toy, then this reaction won’t sit well with him, and you’ll expose his darker nature. If he saw you as just another bird who would follow the crumbs, this will make him rethink his perception of your personality. Most importantly if he starts to put pressure on you for sex and brings up what he’s done for you, then that’s a crimson red flag that he’s not invested on a real level.

The Push & Pull Test: This form of pursuit is one
most of you know well. You meet a guy, he seems interested in you, but before
you get traction it crumbles, only for him to come sniffing back around. I’ve
gone over this many times, at the relationship level, but it’s just as
effective in the early dating phase. You meet a guy, you vibe, then the monkey
wrench comes: You get in an argument over something dumb, and he stops
responding to you. He has poor communication skills, and you get sick of going back
and forth with him and cut him off. He makes plans only to cancel them and not
reschedule.

The psychology behind The Push & Pull hits at the nerve
of your insecurity—Am I worthy of love? If a man thinks you’re too confident
and wants to knock you down a peg so he can reign over you, all he has to do is
take away his attention. This humbles you so that when he comes back with “I
miss you,” your attitude has been adjusted to his liking. If a man wants you on
his roster but also wants the freedom to keep going after other women, The Push
& Pull could be as simple as allowing you to find out that he talks to
other women, then cursing you out about being in his business. He lets you marinate
in this rage/sadness for a week or so, then he comes back with sweet words that
you’re the only one for him. He’s still dealing with other bitches, but because
you just got reprimanded, you’re not going to rock the boat again. The main
thing to remember is that the Push & Pull is a mindfuck, it’s gaslighting
at the most basic level that relies on using guilt and rejection to make you
bend your personality to his will. The scary part about this version of
pursuing you is that it won’t stop after sex, so long as you prove to be an obedient
sucker he’ll always pull you in when he needs something, push you away when you
start to resist his bullshit and then pull you back in when he knows you’re
once again vulnerable.

Guarding Against The Push & Pull: Don’t react to
the mind fucks! It really is as simple as being quick to cut someone off, no
matter how much you like them. The moment a man blows you off or ghost you ask
yourself if it was warranted. 9 out of 10 times it won’t be. Maybe you have a
smart mouth, and he was reacting off something you did or said. Explore that don’t
allow him to gaslight you into believing that’s exactly what happened. Many of you
have this paralyzing fear that you will miss out on “The One” and be single
forever. You have flaws, you’re no saint, and when a man cuts you off or ghosts
you because of something he claims you did that anxiety whispers “yup, that’s
what I do, and this is why I’ll always be alone.” Bullshit. Again, explore
what led to him pushing you away, and if it doesn’t line up as understandable,
block and delete him because he’s trying to sink his hooks in with an imaginary
beef. In terms of ghosting with no explanation, stop letting men come back into
your life without explaining their actions. If he can’t communicate where he
was for the past week or weeks, then why are you giving him a second chance? If
he gives you some asinine answer like “I had family troubles” or blames it on
work and being busy, then keep the gate up and tell him you’re good.

I know its easier said than done, ladies. I know it’s hard to find a man whose looks and actions match what you’ve been praying for, so you impulsively give him the benefit of the doubt. His potential is why you unblock him. His smooth words or heartfelt texts are chicken soup for your insecure soul, so you agree to see him again. You can be a bit crazy, so you justify his toxic actions towards you. You forgive only to see your feelings hurt all over again. If your love life were playing out in a movie, you would be yelling at the screen, but it’s not. You live life in a bubble of confusion wishing you just knew what to do or say to make the good times last and to keep him liking you. The want to be loved has you looking like a fool, and you can’t even see it. Guarding against mind fucks aren’t hard if you don’t have a mind that can be fucked with. Secure your mental!

The next time a man rejects you in this way, I want you to
go in the bathroom, look in the mirror and repeat: “The man that’s for me
would never treat me this way.” Be high maintenance, be quick to
dismiss, and don’t worry about if you were in the wrong. No, you’re not perfect,
and you’re not always right, but a man who sees potential in you would rather talk
about your faults than push you away. Real men try to heal and uplift, they don’t
suck their teeth and ignore your texts. The fact that any man would run away
over something that could be discussed maturely only to come back trying to
exploit you proves that he’s not emotionally worthy of being in your life.

You Should Be Earned

Vet. Question. Test. Vet = spend time getting to know him and check for consistencies in his persona. Question = ask the things you want to know and stop assuming based on second hand information you researched online or that someone told you. Test = go out into the real world and see how his mood changes, be unavailable to see how he reacts, and always keep track of if his actions continue to match his words!

For a step by step blueprint click HERE for The Spartan Dating Script

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Thanks for reading Chasing You Doesn’t Mean He’s Interested: Guarding Against Users

Dating While Damaged

Far From BasYc

Who hurt you and why can’t you let it go? Your childhood wasn’t ideal, how much pity do you need to move forward from that? Your first time loving someone ended with betrayal, how much anger and regret needs to build up before you get over it? No one appreciates what you do for them, how many times do you need to keep pointing that out before you stop being unselfish? 9 out of 10 people are never going to change they’re just going to complain. Hurt feels like armor at first, it keeps you safe, but it’s actually a cage that stunts you emotionally and poisons every choice you make. You love being petty, you love bringing up the past, you love having an attitude, you get off on reminding people about all you do for them, and you really love shifting blame onto someone else.

Your safe place is reminding people that nothing is your fault because being a victim feels better than the admission that you have no idea of how to change your results for the better. You didn’t choose your parents that hurt you or let you down. You didn’t choose the city where you were born. But as an adult you now get to choose. You choose who to date. Who to keep dating. What job to pursue and take. Most importantly you choose to ignore your personality flaws that lead you to making mistake after mistake. It’s time to stop the cycle. You can’t drink away the hurt, smoke away the hurt, fuck away the hurt, sleep all day, or wait for someone to save you from your own thoughts. It’s on you! You’re destined to do better than what you’re doing right now. But you have to CHOOSE to read this entire article with an open mind, not that same old defensive attitude and watch how quickly your life changes. Are you ready or are you going to run away from these words?

EXPLORING YOUR DAMAGE

Let’s define what it means to be damaged. I’m referring to those that have been traumatized by people or events, and instead of seeking to come to grips with those things, they continue as if nothing is wrong. Ignorantly allowing those wounds to fester, spread, and turn them into a shell of their former self. All of this happens in silence, it’s a form of depression that works under the surface then roars its ugly head the moment they try to connect, trust, or love someone new. You don’t want someone to turn back around and hurt you after you’ve already explained your pain, so you settle into this little bubble where you remain guarded and miserable. I guarantee that more than half the people reading this pretend they’re not bothered in public then cry into their pillow in private. It’s time to talk about these mental issues instead of faking like everyone is so tough well put together.

Let’s do a checklist: You complain about shit from the past that you can’t change. You distract yourself with whatever dumb ass news story that’s dominating social media. You self-medicate with shopping, drugs, or drink. You claim to be over everything and everybody…but that doesn’t stop you from letting the same types of people that hurt you before right back into your life to hurt you again. One day you’re blessed and highly favored, the next day you’re crying about how things will never work out for you. Now be honest. You’re not random, you’re depressed and have no idea of how to shake those hot and cold moments.

Life forges you like fucking steel, not so you can be hard and cold, but so you can cut through the bullshit. Yet, life’s lessons are lost on you as you recycle exes, fall in love with obvious liars, let shady family and friends continue to manipulate you, and point the finger outward instead of dusting your weak ass off and taking a stand! This universe is built to help those that help themselves and the first rule of ascending is don’t expect another human to play fair. The reason why I’m so loud has nothing to do with me and everything to do with you all. To see an intelligent woman make a dumb decision over a dick that isn’t even hers is a waste. To see a stand-up guy turn towards misogynistic views because he can’t deal with a woman’s rejection is a waste. All of you have the potential to be happy and to rise above your past, but you keep slipping back into the bullshit because you’re afraid to truly work on yourself.

Just because you’re damaged doesn’t mean you’re broken. If you’re single it feels hopeless when you realize that for anyone to love you they will have to learn you, and when your past is filled with mistakes you wonder who would want that. If you’re in a relationship that’s struggling it feels as if the only option is to put up with it because who else would accept you in your current state except the devil you know. Stop feeding into negativity and regain faith in yourself. There is nothing wrong with you that can’t be fixed over time and no trauma that can’t be healed with self-love. Life may not have given you the results you were expecting, but that doesn’t mean your story can’t change overnight. Don’t say “I deserve better” mean that shit! 

If you lie to yourself long enough, being comfortable starts to feel the same as being happy—but it’s not real. Do you truly love yourself or are you just stuck in a body living a life that you can’t change so you make do? Laugh at celebrities because that makes you forget about your own flaws. Get enraged about politics because that helps you channel your own self-hatred somewhere else. Plop your ass in front of a screen and watch a TV show, because watching fiction helps you numb your facts. Here’s an idea… Instead of avoiding all your issues let’s lift that rug where you’ve hidden all the things you’re ashamed of, and start to glue your life back together. Today I want to talk about rebuilding because if you can’t build with yourself how can you ever convince another person to build with you?

Addicted to The Same Type

“Why are men always lying about dumb shit?” Um, why do you continue to talk to men that consistently lie in the first place? I notice a pattern with women (don’t worry we’ll get to the men below) when they complain about Fuck Boys, they talk around the real problem. A girl would rather question why a man acts the way he acts then question why she’s attracted to a man that consistently acts in that fucked up manner. If I own a cat that scratches at me every time I go to pet it, I’m getting rid of the fucking cat, not psychoanalyzing why it’s being an asshole. Damaged women are attracted to flawed men as if being emotionally unavailable is Maca Root. The core of this attraction, from the people I’ve studied, is that a woman feels that if she works hard to understand why a man treats her like shit, he’ll repay that compassion by doing the same investigation into her issues. Let’s keep it real, you wish you had someone who was brave enough to sit you down and ask why you’re hurting. You wish a man cared enough to try and understand and fix you, so you pour all this love into their problems hoping it’s reciprocated…but it never is. You waste all your time and energy on a guy that either runs off with another girl or is content to have you waiting around until he decides if he wants more. You rebuild a man for the next bitch, ensuring that he now understands how to now be a good boyfriend, meanwhile whose left to rebuild you? This leaves you stuck crying about how good you were to someone that’s off being Mr. Perfect for his next woman. When you find the energy to finally move on and try to love once more, guess who gets your pussy throbbing next? The same type of man!

How can you vent about needing a “Russell Wilson Type” when those type of men don’t even get your nipples hard? Look at the last four guys you really liked, I bet you they all had more in common than not. Look at the last four guys you didn’t feel chemistry with, I bet they had their shit together emotionally. He’s corny, he’s a nerd, it’s just something about him. Yeah, that something is called, “Being too secure.” Dating someone that has their shit together only points out just how far behind your own life is. Have you ever seen a young person be given a job above an older person? They resent them on the surface but what’s really going on is that they resent themselves for still being their age and not as far along—it’s the same thing with damaged people trying to date a person who isn’t insecure, a constant self-loathing reminder! The easy fix is to pursue someone who will allow you to play make believe, someone either worse off than you or that needs fixing. That shit never works, and you’re left bogged down with someone else’s problems while yours grow and grow.

Another piece of this fucked up mental puzzle is the want to prove and validate your past through the men of your present. Damaged women are constantly chasing the ex that hurt them or the man that rejected them because through conquering a man like her shitty boyfriend or absentee father she can prove to herself that it wasn’t her—it was him. The problem becomes that when you pick men with those traits, you’re skipping over the clear fucking message of—stay away from men like that you idiot! Your head’s hard and your pussy is moist, so you end up riding the dick of a guy that pushes you away and pulls you back in only to push you away again, and you end up calling that “true love”. You’re not dumb, you know these things, you just refuse to articulate them.

Is it chemistry or is it just familiarity? You see a guy on Instagram that has the same dumb ass hair cut as your boyfriend from two years ago, and you automatically like him for a reason you don’t tie together. You go to a bar and flirt with a guy that has the same smart-ass sense of humor as the guy that fucked you and never called you again, and you automatically feel a spark for a reason you don’t tie together. Get the picture yet? You’re not woke to your own toxic attractions, you’re sleepwalking through life because you refuse to admit you have a problem choosing men. Your hormones are locked onto those with a high chance of shitting on you, but when someone asks why you’re single you respond with some basic bitch slogan like: Because boys suck! No, beloved, the boys you try to turn into men suck because you equally suck. You break up, blame the guy for acting the way guys like him act, and then rush back on the market to repeat this step. Pump your breaks! Stop dating for a minute. Stop taking phone numbers. Stop responding to DMs. Understand what you’re chasing after because it’s not male love. You’re driven by the lack of self-love tied to something that hurt you in your childhood or adolescence and that needs to be healed before you start dating again.

Assuming Everyone Wants to Play You

Another type of damaged woman is the one that is overly cautious and full of attitude. I get emails from a handful of women that will run down a normal date then always end it with, “So what do you think? He’s trying to play me, right?” You want someone to co-sign your paranoia because you’re deathly afraid of going through heartbreak again. You can’t spend life in a shell! Men want pussy—who doesn’t know that? Should men not want to fuck you? A part of falling for a woman is first being sexually attracted to her, you can’t get one without the other, and anyone that tries to blow smoke up your ass about how he fell in love with your mind first is lying. Kill all this noise about not wanting a man that objectifies you and wanting someone that’s “just a friend” because you sound naïve. I get it, a man led you on then fell back. A boyfriend broke up with you after he got all the benefits of your unselfish behavior. A guy who said he wasn’t like the rest treated you just like the rest, and you’re sick of crying over men. You think the solution is to throw on your Savage mask, turn Cardi B up, and live a life where you fuck these men before they fuck you—but you’re not built like that, cupcake. You think the solution is to avoid dating, focus on work or school, and buy a case of batteries—but you still lust for love, princess. If you sit out the game for fear of being injured how many championships do you think you’ll win? People are sneaky and devious but you can’t tell me that any woman that’s read the majority of this website or any of my books can’t outwit a player or see through a mindfuck in a week or less? Being damaged isn’t just about the obvious bad behavior or funky attitude, it’s also about being so stuck in your fear that you refuse to give anyone a chance. You don’t have to ask me, your friends, or google if someone is out to get you—assume they are, but go into battle knowing that you’re a fucking Spartan, and no dick tactics formed against you can possibly penetrate your mental armor!

Chasing After Rejection

The saddest sign that a woman needs to do self-healing and awaken her inner Spartan is when she chases after a man that’s making it clear he doesn’t want her. At least twice a week I get asked, “Do you think he likes me,” then presented with evidence where a woman should already know that he doesn’t. The dating stage is complicated, it relies on signs and assumptions. You can text all week with someone or go out on a long date and feel as if they get you, then the next week they switch up on you, leaving you confused. I’ve covered in exhaust how people put on fronts during the honeymoon stage of getting to know a person and that only through time and patience can you truly be sure of an agenda. Still, when you’re hurting and looking for a savior in the form of a lover, it’s hard to see the writing on the wall. You’re expecting him to not call you after sex—but he does like nothing has changed only to fall back before having sex again. He takes you out on three dates, you don’t have sex, and he seems as if he likes you even more than you like him—but he falls back. Everything is going good, you think this is about to be official—but he stops texting you with the same enthusiasm and he doesn’t make plans to see you as he once did. Talk about confusing! All of these rules you try to follow get turned upside down, and you don’t know why this keeps happening to you. Instead of accepting that his falling back is proof of incompatibility, you try to win him back and that’s where you ruin your life.

A man will reject you in such a subtle yet obvious way that every part of you will refuse to accept it. The ego hates to be humbled so it reaches for an excuse that will make the rejection sting less. You want to learn how men think. You want to backtrack to see what could have gone wrong. You want to stalk his social media to see if he found someone else. You want to text him paragraphs asking what you did wrong. You want to call and say, “Fuck you, clown! You ain’t all that anyway!” These thoughts race through your head, but the truth is you just want someone to like you or give you another chance to show that you are likable. When you have gone through various men falling back multiple times, each new rejection reminds you that you aren’t what guys are looking for. It’s not just one or two men—every man that has gotten to know you has shown that. Even when they come back trying to talk to you again, it ends the same way, so the victory of “they always come back,” is meaningless. Those guys didn’t return because they felt as if you were special, they are either bored or gaming. What hurts more, a man that comes back and plays you or going out and meeting a new guy that doesn’t live up to his potential? You all want the comfort of that old thing but you fail to notice that by being constantly rejected by a person that knows you intimately it does more damage. How many times are you going to let him come over late at night for a talk that turns into his face between your legs? How many times are you going to unblock him hoping the bullshit he texts you is any different from the last time? How many times are you going to to let someone keep sampling you only to remind you that you’re not good enough?

“Stop chasing after men that don’t fucking want you!”

– shit women who don’t take their own advice say every day.

Knowing how males think won’t make one take you back. Texting a man paragraphs on top of paragraphs about your feelings won’t make him reconsider you as the wifey type. Unfollowing a man on social media won’t make him call you. Posting a meme about “They always want you after you find someone else,” will not inspire remorse. Going to go fuck your ex or some random that happens to be around won’t send a message that he’s missing out. If a man wants you, he goes all in to get you! There doesn’t need to be outside pressure or blackmail to make him see you for what you as special! He either does or he doesn’t. If he’s not showing love, he’s not feeling love—it’s just that simple!

How it feels when we men are into a woman: She doesn’t have to text you first, you reach out whenever she’s on your mind. Even when you’re busy, you find time to see her. You give without expecting anything in return. You don’t reach out exclusively at night when you want pussy. You don’t leave things unsaid when you know she’s upset for any reason. You don’t have her wondering what you are, you tell her she’s yours!

You can’t check any of those things off your list because the men you’re crying about don’t fucking want you. Nevertheless, you play yourself by continuing to reach out until he’s forced to respond. If and when he responds what happens next? A man’s lies are as strong as fentanyl in the ears of a weak woman. He calms you down with a “sorry” or a lame excuse as to why he’s been acting that way. You forgive him, let him back in for as long as he’s bored or on break from the life he would rather be living, then he pulls the same trick. He pushed you away because he didn’t want you the way you wanted him, you pulled him back because you hated to be rejected, did you think that was going to last? Reaching back out or being receptive to you reaching out again doesn’t prove shit but the presence of boredom or horniness. “My friend got back with this guy that was playing games, now they have a kid together and are happy,” turns into, “Remember my friend, her baby daddy broke up with her for another girl, why are guys so fucked up!” Someone really told me that and all I could do is laugh. Of course he left her because she forced a relationship on a man that didn’t want her. It happens everyday and dudes will always find an escape route because no one wants to stay with a Placeholder! You’re so damaged and desperate that you deny this truth in favor of the narrative that he manipulated you. No Basica, the snake fell to the ground and slithered away, you ran through the grass looking for the snake because you don’t have any other options, and he bit your ass. Don’t be bitter, be better! Your insecurities made you fall for the type of treatment that a more powerful woman would have never put up with, so what separates your gullibility from her wisdom?

Stop Pushing People Away:

The moment a man is trying to pour true honest love into a damaged woman that isn’t used to someone not having a malicious agenda, she runs. A lot of the men reading this know exactly what I’m talking about because it’s the most frustrating thing a guy can deal with—being genuine but having your motives questioned or rejected. One of the hardest things I find for women to grasp is the notion that it’s okay to let go of the hurt and receive love. They’re used to being betrayed, so running becomes a defense mechanism.

The Ballad of Ms. ChooChoo: A woman once came to me faking as if she couldn’t find love because all the men she has dealt with end up having these toxic secrets. She ran down all these past relationships to prove her point. Attached a picture of herself to prove that physically she was a 10. It was almost like a serial killer begging to be exposed. Weeks later we finally touched on her last boyfriend who “was always busy with work” and she revealed that it didn’t end quite how she told me in her initial email. He was busy with work, and she used that to justify talking to other men even though they were in a relationship. She confessed that she sent a nude to one guy. They took a break, but he agreed to keep it going because he loved her. She followed that forgiveness by accusing him of sleeping with a co-worker. That wasn’t true and again she apologized and they kept the relationship going. The next incident was when she went out with some friends, meets a guy, then ends up back at his place for sex. This wasn’t an ex or a guy she had been texting, this was a random stranger who happened to be at the event she attended. I’m reading this email thinking this was the final straw, but her confession kept going… She ends up having a threesome with that same guy and one of his friends—twice! She keeps this to herself for what I assume was months and only tells her boyfriend when he’s about to take a trip for a conference. To come full circle she didn’t have trouble finding love, she had trouble being loved to the point where she kept finding new ways to push this man away. Her sending pics, accusing him, or having ChooChoo time had nothing to do with her boyfriend not being a decent man—she was looking for a way out of something she couldn’t handle—a healthy relationship.

Stop Hating, Start Healing

Somewhere in your life story there is an incident or setback that you’re clinging onto that continues to hold you back and you’re the only one that can pull that out. You can talk to your mother or father. You can track down an ex on Facebook and have closure. You can get surgery to be more visually appealing. You can get straight A’s or amass a huge savings account… none of that is going to stomp out the way you feel about yourself. The fake smile you call “life” needs to be wiped away so you can finally admit that you’re not happy living this way.

There is nothing so horrible that you can’t recover from it! I’ve seen women get incurable STDs, regroup and still find love. I’ve helped women that have gone through sexual abuse rise above and remember their power. I’ve talked to several women that had men they considered to be soulmates die, and each one bounced back once they stopped cursing their circumstances. You must find the courage to dig into whatever you hate about your life and address that because no one else will ever care enough to do it for you. There is nothing wrong with investing in a therapy session, talking to your true friends, or writing down all the ways where you feel weak or insecure so you can set a goal to repair each of those areas day by day. The answer to moving towards who you were always meant to be starts with ridding yourself of the person that’s been holding you back. When I look in the eyes of my newborn daughter these days and she grins, there isn’t any pain or worry. Each one of you was innocent until the world darkened you, and you owe it to yourself to find a way back to that place.

click here to download The Adulting Audio Guide…

Ladies forward this next section to a man who NEEDS it…

For the Men

I have a friend that’s a “Red Pill” practitioner, you know, down with feminism take back the man’s world from the bitches type. In terms of confidence, it works as he stays with a girl busting it open at his condo every weekend…but it’s the type of girls that he chooses versus the girls he talks to me about wanting that points to a huge hole a lot of men have. There comes an age where half the girls you’ve slept with you can’t remember and no one wants to hear those “yo, I fucked this one chick” stories anymore. When you’re in college live your life, but how the fuck are you 29 years old still asking guys, “where the hos at tonight?” You’re holding on to what makes little boys cool! A grown ass man proud to be smashing basic girls that we all could smash– you want a cookie? No one gives props for that anymore so what’s the excuse for not going after quality women or pushing away those that prove to be your equal? You’re afraid. “I ain’t afraid of shit, bro” sure you are, you’re afraid of loving a girl just like the one I described above that got a train ran on her then went back and kissed all on her boyfriend. You’re afraid of proposing to a girl only to find out she just wanted joint bank accounts. You’re afraid of wasting your life with a woman that doesn’t understand you or keeps throwing old shit in your face. You’re afraid to choose wrong, period. Girls are scary because they have the power to make us lose ourselves in them, and to give your heart to the wrong one could fuck you up for life. There are guys that are still damaged from a high school girl’s rejection ten years later. There are guys that had a hard time losing their virginity and feel a need to take it out on any woman that dares try to like him in his current state. We call women petty and emotional but there are males that take the fucking cake on acting like straight bitches.

Not all women are hos out to get something out of you. Not all women are damaged goods stuck on their ex or looking to push you away the minute you get close. Not all women are going to badger you about hanging out with your friends too much or call you gay because you choose to take a trip with the fellas. Not all women are going to hold shit in only to start an argument weeks later. Not all women thirst for attention and want to text twelve dudes just so they can feel secure. If the women you constantly attract or tend to lust after fit those descriptions then you should address the elephant in the fucking room—you’re chasing after the wrong ones because there’s something broken inside of you that has something to prove to the wrong ones. Ask any truly mature man in your circle or look at the shit Hov or Gucci overcame in the name of not wanting to lose a good woman and then look at the reason you’re still stuck on seeing chicks as just pussy. We all grow up and we all have to embrace the challenge of going through the Ms. Wrongs in order to get to our Ms. Right.

Typical women think any man that’s cocky and loud is an Alpha Male because they don’t know what real confidence looks like and confuse douche bag or aggressive behavior with power. At the same time, people throw the term “simp” out there liberally these days, but I’ll tell you who is the actual simp—men that hide their fear behind tough talk. You rant online or in the barbershop about ho this/ ho that, yet slide into the DMs or approach a girl based on her lack of clothes or mannish behavior. You’re talking shit about the type of girl you claim to hate while trying to put your face between her ass cheeks—that’s fraudulent as fuck. You hate her guts but want to be in her guts… huh? It’s not about easy sex because I’ve seen the screen grabs—you are actually putting in work and effort with the same girls you name call. Let’s keep it G, you push away the nice girls that will do any and everything, claim you’re not ready for a relationship, then fall for a textbook manipulator the next weekend. Girls are so confused as to why men chase the women that give them their ass to kiss, yet play games with the ones that would wipe their ass for them, but it’s simple—you’re seeking validation.

Basic Guy Checklist: Self-medicating with weed or pills. Finding any reason to drink and party. Immersing yourself in conspiracy theories that make you seem smart and woke. Reaching out to weak exes. Sliding thirsty chicks into situationships. Preying on big girls with low self esteem. Acting fake-jealous because you know a girl will take that to mean you care and come running. Ignoring texts and not communicating because you want the rush of someone acting like they care. Having no fucks to give when you go raw in a girl you barely like because it’s not like you’re doing anything anyway. Breaking up a relationship with a girl that’s moved on just to prove you still have control of her. Faking like you’re going to kill yourself if she does leave. Abandoning a chick and throwing a new girl in her face just to see what happens. These are the things damaged men do every single day because it helps avoid the real problem—depression. If you do any of those things don’t be mad, don’t get defensive, I need you to do the same thing I ask of the women, go inside and figure your shit out before you waste more years.

The Real Red Pill

When that woman told me the story of the threesome, I thought about her boyfriend and how that probably led him down a path he still hasn’t recovered from. Imagine the girl you loved doing something to cut you that deep and all you ever did was love her? There are damaged men that need to mature or let go of their pain, but there are also normal men that will put themselves out there and get played because they’re chasing the glitter of a woman without inspecting the core of her character. I want to help men to navigate the game, not in a way where the woman is the enemy and pussy is the objective, but in a way where you prepare yourself to side step the wrong types of women, and a Game Changer is the objective. When I wrote THIS ARTICLE I told you all I was working on something for the men, and that something was a new book that serves to wake up men that need motivation the same way Men Don’t Love Women Like You served to help women to Spartan Up and it’s called: She’s Not It…

“Why don’t you write a book telling the men what they need to do,” there you go. Now I don’t want to hear you deflecting with that anymore. I’ve said for years that a woman is either the wifey type or pussy. Either a Placeholder or a Game Changer, but the same applies for men. Now it’s time to ask yourself are you going to be the type of man that can grow into a husband or will you stay a dick just looking for a nut? Are you going to pretend like you have the answers only to end up like Rob Kardashian or are you going to let someone help put you up on game? I’ve talked to so many types of women and men over the years about their problems and I wish I could put the Queens that fall for the Dickticians with the Kings that fall for the Basicas, but I’m not a matchmaker. What I can do is help bridge the gap, so every man who reads it can start to attract a worthy partner.

For the ladies, I think it will benefit you all to read it too (or send a copy as a gift for a guy that needs to get the hint) because it discusses a lot of things you may not realize you do in keeping yourself in the role of Placeholder.  I’ve also included Bonus Chapters for the women answering top questions about men. That alone is a must read.

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