G.L. Lambert's Blog, page 28
September 28, 2018
Toxic As F**K – Is Your Energy Holding You Back
Toxic As Fuck – Is Your Energy Holding You Back
If they wanted you then why aren’t they with you? If they’re trying to build with you, then why is communication inconsistent? If they cared about you, then why is your gut screaming, “they don’t really give a fuck”? You’re a stereotype. A sucker for love. An educated fool that gets ghosted and plays dumb about what happened. A loyal soul that gets cheated on or undervalued. You give everything and get the bare minimum in return, then have a nerve to complain about it but never do anything about it. If you want more, why don’t you go get more? If that person doesn’t treat you like you feel you deserve, why don’t you find someone new? If you’re so smart and know that a person is lying or full of shit, then why do you continue to entertain their nonsense? Instead, you hope, you pray, and wish upon a star that the person you’re into treats you fair. Ha! I repeat, you’re a stereotype. You’re fake-strong, fake-confident, and full of excuses as to why you can’t get your life on track. I know the real you. You’re lazy, vulnerable, and stuffed with fear. The buzz word of the day is “Toxic”. People accuse others of being toxic whenever they feel like they’re the victim. What’s really toxic is your lack of self-esteem that has you trapped in this cycle of mediocrity.
Why do you think you’re unworthy of a healthy relationship? Why do you think that love has to be a struggle? Why do you keep living in this world of delusion where you keep being nice to people that constantly show you they don’t give a fuck about your feelings? You can’t stop this unhealthy way of living because you’ve been brainwashed to settle for less. Toxic thoughts tell you that you can’t get what you want. Toxic actions keep you dating the same old types, sticking with the same bad relationship, or giving people that already disrespected you another chance. Toxic emotions have you sitting up at night depressed over your lack of results. Face it, you live everyday with toxic feelings, attract toxic people, play out toxic situations with those people, then wonder why you’re unhappy.
Fellas: That so-called “Hoe” who is out to use you or play you, is she that good at acting or are you so hard up that you miss the red flags? Manipulators become transparent to a man with self-confidence and who isn’t high off new pussy lust but you’re a sucker flying blind because you’re chasing validation.
Ladies: That “Mr. Perfect” you met off some dating app wouldn’t even make it to a second date with a woman who was secure in her power, but he gets to fuck you in short order only to toss you to the side because you continue to date with unaddressed insecurities that cause you to overthink, second guess, and cloud your mind long enough for a player to wreck you.
I don’t deserve this… Why is this happening… Why can’t I just be happy? You’re so full of shit! You know why life, relationship, career, and the like aren’t working out. No matter if you’re a man or a woman, if your life is a mess, it’s because your mind is a barrel of negative counter-productive and basic thoughts. I’m not trying to drag you, I’m trying to lift you back to your feet because you deserve more out of life than being wasted potential.
Fellas, Sometimes You’re Just Dick:
[image error]There are women who just want to fuck you. No dates. No texting. None of that mushy shit you’re used to from chicks who are openly or secretly looking for a boyfriend. There are also women who just want attention. Text her when she’s bored. Take her out on the weekends. Give her the feeling of being wanted so she can go brag about it. Normally these are perfect situations, all the fun none of the stress. The difference is that when a woman is in control, making the rules, and free to deal with you and a handful of other men as she chooses, jealousy sets in. Narcissistic men are nothing more than dorks who are afraid to be hurt, so they try and build up this powerful persona. When these types of men run up against a female who gives them her ass to kiss, he cracks like a fucking egg. The little Basica that’s waiting by the phone for you to call or the thirsty relationship girl that’s offering to pay for an Uber to come see you, they don’t have any power. The woman that only calls you for a dick appointment or leaves you on “read” until she’s in the mood to pick you up and play with you—she’s God. You hate that she doesn’t need you, doesn’t really want you, and there’s nothing you can do to change that.
We as men aren’t used to being controlled by women, it goes against every macho bone in our body and every tough talk we’ve had in the barbershop. Internally it cuts deeper than most of you probably know. She’s rejecting the idea of you as a serious option. You’re unworthy of her exclusivity. Why? Her actions spell it out, “You’re good enough to fuck or talk to, but she’s still searching for something better.” Even the defense of “I still beat,” crumbles because if you deal with a woman like this long enough, sex-lust gives way to genuine love. The fact that she’s not acting typical makes her superior to other women, and thus a Must-Have. The world is filled with over-talkative, boring ass women who are easy to get, but you want that which doesn’t want you—A Unicorn.
[image error]Tell a man he can’t have something, and he wants it 10x more. What happens when you keep chasing this woman who sees you as just another dick? Frustration sets in followed by anger. You’re pissed off at the world because she’s denying you. You’re ready to cut her off because she’s making you feel inadequate. This is where you brain waves stray from your normal behavior. In order to prove your worth to her you start acting weird. Stalking, arguing, going after other men she may be dealing with, buying her gifts, giving her money, and the list of emotional shit goes on… I’ve gotten several emails that read, “I had to cut him off because he started getting too clingy.” Confident women with options don’t kneel like desperate birds. The moment you blow up on her, start acting jealous, or try reverse psychology—she’s ghost. Go ahead and blast off a dozen “bitches ain’t shit” tweets or write a novel under her IG pictures, it won’t change the fact that this isn’t about her—it’s about you.
Let’s list some possible causes of internal negativity: You don’t have that much money. You don’t do anything spectacular for a living. You have the same dreams or side hustles as every other generic guy. You pretend to be living large and making moves, but you’re living off borrowed money or scams. Doesn’t matter what the exact reason is, the result is that chip on your shoulder keeps growing because you have some flaw that makes upper echelon women look down on you.
Men don’t go to therapy as much as women, it’s emasculating to say you’re falling apart, so you go in alone. You smoke, pop pills, drink yourself pissy, and try to ignore your problems. The irony is that Broken & Damaged Men can still get women—ones who are just as mentally weak and insecure. In comes a woman with low self-esteem to the rescue. The overweight chick, the girl that you don’t think of as traditionally pretty, the women with kids, or the women that have been broken by past relationships. Keep in mind, you don’t want any of these ladies, you want that Unicorn who denounced you as “average”. Instead of loving or appreciating these women that see the greatness in you, those toxic emotions lead to resentment. You don’t want her fat ass, her ugly ass, her passed around ass, her bi-polar ass—Listen to those negative thoughts. You’re projecting hate towards them because you hate yourself for not feeling good enough. As a result, you mistreat these women, you unfairly judge these women, and you use these women in the same way you got used because they’re Placeholders. Your toxic mind attracted that and will keep attracting it until you right the wrongs of your own negative thoughts.
Ladies, Sometimes You’re Just Pussy:
[image error]It’s easy for a woman to fake confidence on the internet, at work, or during that first week or so of dating. Your attitude pushes you forward and protects you from scrutiny. You talk slick, you dress nice, you can be funny, and you can be deep. But what happens when someone sees through your weak ass self-esteem and little girl toughness? Experienced men test ALL WOMEN. I’ve written books about this process, but in the end so many women still fall victim because they think with common sense, but don’t date with it. How will you react when he pushes for a house date? How will you react when he pushes you for sex and he barely knows you? How will you react when he makes a comment about your weight, your hair, how another girl looks compared to you? How will you react after he showers you with attention and pipe dream promises only to fallback? Don’t lie and say you will react in the right way 10 out of 10 times. All it takes is that ONE GUY who is everything you’re looking for to do one of those things, and you’ll respond in the same basic way as those women you make fun of do. I can give you all the game in the world, and you will still allow “your type” to slip through your defenses.
[image error]Who is the real you? Are you this amazing woman who just had a weak moment or are you a weak woman who only has spurts of being amazing that she can never live up to? You consistently come off like just another chick who a man thinks is only good for sex because that’s how you see yourself. Look inside your brain. Are you as pretty as you want to be? Are you as smart as you wish you were? Are you as interesting as those girls in the YouTube videos you watch? Are you as strong emotionally as you hope? No. One of these things or several of these things bother the fuck out of you because your entire personality, image, and way of life is based on a false projection. It’s only when a man disrespects you, another girl insults you, or your bank account balance humbles you that you’re forced to accept the fact that you’re not happy with who you are. Each day you look for someone to point a finger at, someone doing worst than you to gossip about, or numb yourself by scrolling social media or shopping for shit you think will make you feel better about yourself. None of it works.
“Everyone will find their soulmate in the end,” they lied to you sis, you aren’t going to find shit but settle dick and heartbreak out in these streets. Life isn’t a fairy tale, you don’t get a happy ending just because you think you deserve it. Your thoughts are the foundation of your universe. Keep bottling up all that negativity, self-loathing, resentment, or jealousy and watch how successful you’ll become. Your relationships keep failing and your business ideas never get off the ground because you keep doing things the same way that fits your comfort level. It’s time to live up to your full potential and redefine how the rest of your life will play out by taking real chances. Stop waiting for help, and start helping yourself.
Refocus Your Energy
“That’s the kind of energy I need in my life,” is said whenever someone sees a positive image or reads a positive affirmation. It’s another one of these New Age gimmicks that don’t really invoke real change. The internet hijacks the lingo of positive people to make toxic folks feel like they can also achieve a higher vibration of thought. You can’t, and you won’t because you’re being phony. It doesn’t matter what TV shows you stop watching, who you follow on social media, or how many books on spirituality you read. The problem isn’t out there with them, it’s in there with you. What are you running from? Daddy issues, mommy issues, being teased when you were younger, the death of someone close, sexual abuse, verbal abuse? Maybe it’s just the frustration of growing up in 21st century world where everyone seems to be balling while you’re still struggling to pay all your bills on time. Everyone has baggage. I don’t want to hear that you didn’t ask for this life you’re living; NONE OF US DID. You take what you’re given and turn it into a win, don’t keep crying about fairness because that line of thinking is what’s keeping you enslaved! Hollow quotes on the power of positive thinking aren’t going to change your life. You aren’t going to magically get rich overnight, find love by the end of the year, or come to grips with that person standing in the mirror by praying, holding a crystal, or squeezing your eyes and chanting. You must dig into your pain, confront your past, pause your ego long enough to admit that you don’t know as much as you wish you did, and let go of this negativity that surrounds you. Who are you, really? Why do you carry so much regret, envy, or hate? Over-stand that it’s all connected. Be accountable for your own toxic aura because that’s the magnetic field you’ve been walking around with for too long.
Where do you start? Take it day by day. Instead of complaining, shut the fuck up, and solve the problem. Instead of falling into group think with the rest of sheep who do nothing but criticize, go read a book or meditate. Instead of talking about how a person is treating you badly, remove them from your life. Instead of being a cog in the machine where you wake up, work, eat, shit, waste time on your phone, and repeat, how about you set some weekly goals that can actually bring you joy? Instead of looking at other people as the enemy, start looking at them like mirrors that reflect back that same energy you give off. All the ignorant shit you think about people at work, school, or even strangers on the street, that’s bringing your vibration down. All the energy you give to hating celebrities or politicians, that’s bringing you down. All the self-doubt you have when deciding if you should shoot your shot, go on a date, or text someone first, is counterproductive. You’re nothing but a ball of doubt, fear, and anger—unravel that! It takes 21 Days to form a new habit. I dare you to spend the next three weeks thinking differently, acting differently, and looking at the world differently. The old way has gotten you how far? You’re bitter, sad, and secretly depressed. Switch it up! Take control over your thoughts, redefine your past, re-imagine your present, and watch how much better your near future plays out.
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Thanks for reading Toxic As F**K – Is Your Energy Holding You Back
August 15, 2018
I Still Beat – Exposing A Lame Before He Becomes A Sex Regret
Lust rules everything around us. I’ve seen a girl who went from virgin one year to ten partners the next. I know a guy that emptied out his live-in girlfriend’s bank account to spend it on a new girl he desperately wanted to smash. Just last week, I received an email from a woman who swore she was too smart to get gamed, yet ended up on the heartbreaking end of a one night stand that shattered her self-esteem. I don’t care if you’re a man or a woman, all it takes is the right person saying the right thing at the right time, and all your sex rules and moral theories go out of the window. We all have “bodies” on our list that we’d like to forget. The irony when it comes to sex is that women tend to regret their past partners more than men. “I wish I never fucked him” is more common than “I wish I never fucked her” Why? For men, it doesn’t matter if it lasted one minute or one hour, if she came or if she rolled over disappointed. Men cum 99.9% of the time—doesn’t matter how she looks, how her body is shaped, what color she is, or how much he likes her, sex is always a victory because the result is a nut. There’s little concern over what happens after it’s over. The only time a guy has regret is if he ends up getting burnt, gets caught creeping on his girl, or if she pops up pregnant.
[image error]On the other side of the fence there are women who just want sex too, but there are even more who need a connection, need to see potential, and who obsess over “what happens next” because they don’t want to end up giving away something so special to someone who doesn’t appreciate it…or isn’t skilled enough to blow her back out as a consolation prize. A woman’s sex life is a slot machine: Small dick. Big dick but can’t work it. Cum too quick. Can’t stay hard. Too rough. Not rough enough… and the list goes on. Men talk a big game, but to hear women tell it, most can’t handle business when they finally get it. To be fair, some guys don’t care about performance, again, the nut is the win not the praise after it’s over. Still, it’s a fucked up situation. If the guy ends up becoming her boyfriend despite being trash in bed, she has to deal with being sexually frustrated in the name of love. If the guy is just a one-time thing, then she has to deal with “do I even add this nigga to my body count after that weak ass performance?” No matter if she’s looking for love or just a dick fix, sex is all risk, and often little reward for women on the dating scene. Unlike in the past, women not only have a voice when it comes to sex, they aren’t afraid to call men out. Which leads to…
I STILL BEAT, LOL
Over the past few weeks I’ve been seeing a battle of the sexes over the concept of “I Still Beat”. I’ll save you the trip to Urban Dictionary. “Beat” is slang for “have sex”. It’s a term I’ve heard since I was 16. It’s the male version of a mic drop when he’s being attacked or slandered by a woman.
GIRL: That’s Why Your Dick Little… Those Two Minutes Wasn’t Even Worth My Time… I Had to Think About My Ex to Cum!
GUY: I still Beat…
GIRL: You Still Owe Me Money You Broke Bastard… Tell Everyone How You Let Me Finger Your Ass… Don’t make me release the texts of you begging to eat my ass!
GUY: I Still Beat…
No matter if it’s an attempt to expose his weak performance or a girl looking to embarrass him with secret details of his life, all that guy has to say is– I STILL BEAT THO! It’s all about protecting the fragile male ego from being damaged and it works because we as men will nod along like, “He got you there.” The male mind puts pussy on a pedestal. Dude can be ugly, broke, suck at sports, have a hairline that starts at the top of your head… but if he’s able to get pussy, then he will always get props from other man. No matter where you grow up in America or what race you are, young boys are patted on the back for conquering women. Think about the way we talk about sex: beat, smash, crush, hit—it’s all about the male doing something to the female as if her vagina is just an object to be destroyed. Doesn’t matter if he lasted two minutes, his dick was small, he ate her ass, or any other thing a woman would use to emasculate him, the very nature that he got to stick his dick in her cancels out anything she’s yelling. Welcome to the double standard of our Universe…
“I don’t even know why I hit that. I just know I won’t wife that” -6ix9ine
[image error]Most of you will have sex before you enter a relationship. Many of you will have sex within the first two weeks because he’s cute, has potential, or he just caught you at the right time. That’s your prerogative as a grown ass woman— fuck who you want. However, the reality of dating dictates that 4 out of 5 guys you date are going to be running game, not interested in anything with you, or realize after a few conversations you aren’t what he’s looking for… cold world. Doesn’t matter if you deflect with that, “I used him too, he was just dick to me” attitude, he’s going to feel more empowered than you will, he’s going to get more props, and you’re going to be the one considered used up, despite you two both engaging in the same act. Think about how that effects your going forward. You end up dating someone the last guy knows, you tell him the truth that the guy was a lame, but the new guy is thinking, “So you let that lame beat…” You try to warn other girls not to date him, all he has to say is “She’s bitter cus I hit and quit,” and now you have a reputation.
Sex is not an equal playing field for women, it’s filled with unfair judgement and double standards. If a man has sex with a woman he’s a winner and that woman is ran through. A woman can’t say anything negative about a guy she slept with, but he can drag her for days because in our society, a woman loses value once she has sex while a man grows in prestige. It’s a calculated reaction to shame and downgrade women and a lot of these “nice guys” are closet misogynist who can’t wait to run and tell your business. You can’t afford to be nice to these clowns any longer. You deserve a man that understands that you aren’t for everybody, that you have respect for yourself, and that he didn’t “hit” he was given a gift. It’s time to up your standards, control your lust, and rethink who you allow between your legs. So, how can you win in a world that sees you as the one that gets fuck not the one who fucks? How can you avoid the embarrassment of adding to your body count with someone that wasn’t worth it? How can you date as a sexual woman and not feel like you have to use gimmicks like the 90-day rule? Simple, you Spartan the Fuck Up and use Pussy Power in your favor.
“First night, she gon’ let me fuck cus we grown / I hit her, gave her back to the city, she home/ That was that.” – Drake
[image error]Women routinely fuck men who don’t deserve their pussy, then those same men walk out of that woman’s life with his head held high, ready to sucker the next chick. Not all men are predators, but when it’s been proven that a large percent of guys put on fronts for sex, what makes you continue to date with the same strategy that got you hurt in the past? You’re falling for every trick in the basic bitch playbook because you’re walking around with insecurities that are easy to pick apart. Texting turns to sexting. Sending cute pics turns to sending nudes. Kissing turns into breast sucking, turns into you lifting your hips up while he slides your panties off. Should I yell at the men right now and say, “Hey stop getting so much easy pussy and only date girls you actually see a future with?” No, I turn to you and say stop the insanity! Women choose who they have sex with, men are limited to who chooses them. Think about the cutest guy you know—he’s been curved. Fact. Think about a girl who you don’t think is cute at all—she can go out this weekend and get head from a dude that puts Michael B Jordan to shame. Fact. What’s the take away from this? Men are whores. They think with their dicks and their beauty standards in REAL LIFE rarely add up to the girls they like on Instagram. Men have a nerve to call women out for fucking on the first date, but they’re the ones pushing for first date sex in the first place! These are the hypocrites that you get nervous around? These aren’t Kings, these are confused little boys who shame you for having sex after they beg, spend, lie, and manipulate to get it.
DOES HE DESERVE PUSSY?
These “I still beat” clowns shouldn’t have made it to a second date let alone between your legs. If he turned out to be an immature asshole after sex, then he was one before sex. So why couldn’t you see it? Because you were blinded by his hustle. Men have mastered the art of opening up just enough that you “think” you know them. They give you their sad family story, the bad breakup story, the ambitious business story, all manufactured to make you feel closer to him. He’s being vulnerable, so you start to open up. Earth to Basica! You don’t know this nigga. You haven’t even poked holes to see if his stories add up. You are going along for the ride and at this point you can’t blame it on anything but your own naiveté. It’s not about when you have sex, it’s about why you have sex. Cus I’m horny…Cus I didn’t want to push him away… Cus It just happened. How old are you!? The common denominator in your failed love life is you choosing the wrong men to give yourself to. If you want to stop the cycle of choosing wrong, make them jump through hopes by truly showing you who they are over time. Guys who are just after sex are littered with red flags you only see after the fact. It’s time to shine a light on their dusty asses long before you reach that level.
[image error]Mr. Potential: You finally meet a guy who has his shit together—educated, career, no kids, no drama, and he’s trying to date you, not chill with you. You thank the lord and you go into the date hoping he likes you. SMH! You’ve already lost, baby girl… Your first mistake was feeling lucky and blessed to meet someone decent. You’re a quality woman, every man you meet should fit that description. You’ve allowed your past history with men to make this new guy a Unicorn. He’s special only because your last few dates were mediocre. You’re now dating to impress, not dating to be impressed. Your weak ass fan-girl mentality becomes transparent on the actual date. This man knows he’s handsome, he knows he’s doing better than the average man that you meet, and now he knows you’re an easy target because you’re gushing over him. You want a man like him. You’ve been praying for a man like him. You’re getting older—you have to make this work. It doesn’t matter if you don’t know him or have yet to vet him, your anxiety has you high off potential and willing to fit into what he likes in order to get that happy ending.
How He Beats: It’s so easy to run game on a woman that’s afraid of losing out on you. I call it the Bait & Hit. Gas her up with the idea of you by treating her nice for a week or two. Every night before she goes to bed she’s fantasizing about being your woman, living that life with you, being a power couple or trophy wife. Every day when she’s at work and gets a text, that fantasy comes roaring back even stronger because it’s not fiction, you’re showing her that you want her just as bad. Now it’s time to move in for the kill. The next time you go on a date or hang out alone, all you have to do is go for sex. Fan-Girl’s not ready for that, but she doesn’t want to reject him. To reject a man with more potential than the last three guys she dated combined, feels like a mistake. She doesn’t want to keep looking for someone with all of your qualities. She’s sick of the rat race to find a man that has his shit together. You keep trying to fuck and she keeps buckling until she finally gives it up. In the front of the mind she desperately hopes this won’t change anything. Ha!
The woman goes through the next day nervous—is that all he wanted? Was that a test to see if you were a hoe? You live with that feeling because if you bring it up to him you’ll seem crazy and insecure. Mr. Potential got what he came for and he realizes that he got it easy. He may come back for a few more sessions, but it’s not the same. No more dates. No more deep talks. No more talking about what he’s going to do for you. The writing is on the wall. You call him out on it. He gives an excuse to keep that door to your pussy open, but you know he’s lying. Finally, he pops up with a new girl or ignores you all together and you lash out at him about how fucked up he treated you. He shrugs it off. You can’t hurt a person emotionally that was only attracted to you physically. In the end, no matter what you say—he still beat.
Mr. Communication: In a world where guys are aloof and fake busy, you finally meet one that gives you the level of attention you’ve always craved. He’s good at texting, not just to check in but to engage you. He Facetimes to talk about his day. He calls you just because. He wants to see you multiple times a week. Damn, this attention feels good! Time doesn’t bond people, contact does. To be blitzed with a person’s personality every day for two weeks creates a false sense of knowing them. You develop trust because your mind is whispering, “He wouldn’t have time to talk to anyone else, he’s always talking to me.” Trust leads to the dropping of your guard. These conversations go from the typical getting to know you chit chat, to deep talks about your life. He’s your therapist when it comes to your past. He’s your best friend when it comes to talking about the ups and downs of your day. It’s only been a matter of weeks, but you love him, lower case “l” rapidly approaching upper case “L”.
How He Beats: Security is a panty dropper. Imagine if you’re a woman that’s had to deal with male disappointment from the time you were a kid—dad, step-dads, teachers, first boyfriend, they all hurt you in some way. To meet a man who is there for you, to talk, to help, to listen, it leaves an impression no matter how long you’ve known him. Mr. Communication didn’t win you over with a fantasy of being a perfect man in terms of materialism, he won you over by being the perfect man in terms of emotional maturity and understanding. A man like that feels safe. When you two are alone and he goes for it, what excuse is there to say “no”? You know him. You trust him. You’re horny. After sex, the communication gradually begins to change. His excuses are legit at first, new job, new schedule, going out of town, it’s always some new wrinkle that throws off the old routine and you accept that. However, it never goes back to that previous routine. The texts are few and far between. The Facetimes end. The calls are non-existent. Your pride is telling you that you’re making it all up, and that it’ll go back to normal. It never does, and your emotions don’t know how to handle the lost of not only a friend but the fact that you were gamed. You muster up the nerve to send some long text message about how much of a bitch he is, you want him to know your pain. He shrugs at that text paragraph—he still beat.
Mr. Rebound AKA Mr. Brightside: A rebound isn’t reserved for a recent breakup. Many of you haven’t had dating success in years. You’re not rebounding from ONE GUY, you’re rebounding from striking out month in and month out. The Rebound guy is different from Mr. Potential because most of these guys aren’t really that amazing, they’re just there to give you what you need—affirmation that you’re wanted. That’s why I also call them Mr. Brightside. Sure, he’s broke, but he’s nice. Sure, he’s not physically appealing, but he’s stable. He’s not what you’re looking for, but he’s persistent, so he gets a shot at a woman like you that’s usually out of his league. It could be that associate from back in the day that suddenly sends you a message on social media. That guy who’s always liked you who finally gets you to agree to a date. Basically, any man that wears you down as opposed to Wows you. Where does this open mind come from? Fear. You don’t know what you’re doing out here. You don’t know how to pick men. You don’t know how to get to the ones you want, or you’ve been hurt by them. Like that chick who starts wearing Yoga pants 7 days a week, you’ve given up and are in “fuck it” mode.
[image error]How He Beats: Abstaining from sex isn’t hard when you don’t have any options. Turning down men that are lazy in their efforts or who push too hard is easy. Let’s see how you do when left alone with a man who likes you more than you like him. Nice guys empower those women who have been neglected or who are in a drought. He’s on your clit, so you feel strong and comfortable around him because unlike guys that intimidate you, there’s no need to be shy. Mr. Brightside knows that it’s been forever since you’ve even had sex, so he’s going to push your buttons. Back message, foot message, and the classic, “let me taste it.” and at that moment of “oral sex isn’t really sex,” he’s going to slide all the way home.
After sex you’re going to run into one of the most common things I’m emailed about—I fucked a guy who I didn’t even like that much, and he had the nerve to ghost me. All that empowered Wonder Woman swag was used against you. Here you are thinking this guy is too corny, too ugly, too fat, or too broke to do better than you so he would worship you even after sex. There he was confident that women like you, lonely and bored, are easy marks. This peasant played you, so you fire back at him about all the ways he’s lame and all the ways you’re amazing. In the end, those insults roll off his back because…you guessed it—he still beat.
Mr. Thirsty: Your personality is so bomb that men chase you. Your sex game is so elite that they want to wife you. Welcome to the world of thirst. Your ego is telling you it’s all about how amazing you are, but reality has proven that there are men predisposed to be hard up due to insecurities you didn’t bother to uncover. This kind of guy can come in any form. Handsome guy, rich guy, work husband, internet crush, it doesn’t matter what mask he’s wearing. it’s only after sex do you realize that he likes you more than you like him to the point of annoyance. You know the type, he starts asking about a relationship. Uses the “L” word way too fast. Wants you to meet his family. It’s as if he’s the girl and you’re the boy.
How He Beats: Some women can spot a thirsty from a mile away and think, “Damn, imagine how pressed he’s going to be if I fuck him. I’ll pass.” Still, there are other women who enjoy the groupie treatment and ego stroke of a man acting crazy over her. You two have sex and on cue, his behavior worsens. Eventually you cut him off, but these types never go quietly. Just like the little emotional bitch he is, Mr. Thirsty will try to get revenge on you by being passive aggressive. Take to your Facebook to be messy, spreading rumors to other guys about how you get down, trying to flirt with your friends–or enemies, all while trying to get back with you. When you clap back or pull receipts telling the truth about how hard up he is for you, it ricochets. None of what you say after he tries to ruin your reputation or sabotage your love life matters to other people. You let a clown beat, so what does that make you?
THE VALUE OF YOUR VAGINA
“I get so lonely, I forget what I’m worth.” -SZA
You went to high school together and you know his family—that deserves pussy? He pulled your chair out at the restaurant and paid for the meal—that deserves pussy? He took you on four dates in one week—that deserves pussy? You spent five hours having a conversation in his car—that deserves pussy? You used to talk back in the day and now he’s back and acting more mature—that deserves pussy? You met his mother and she liked you—that deserves pussy? He brought you a bag and some shoes the first week of knowing you—that deserves pussy? He hoped in your DMs then flew you out—that deserves pussy? All the other girls at work want him but he likes you—that deserves pussy? He’s a student athlete about to go to the league and he’s feeling—that deserves pussy? He’s your platonic best friend and wants more now that you’re single—that deserves pussy? You’ve talked to a lot of guys, and his energy just feels different—that deserves pussy?
You’re too damn old to be falling for basic ass game from these basic ass niggas who’s only skill set is telling hopeless romantics what they want to hear. He doesn’t like you, he wants to fuck you. He isn’t proving consistency by being nice to you for a few weeks, he’s chasing ass. Yet there you go, on another date that ends with you letting him go too far or exposed via another house date that proves you aren’t as hard to get as your Instagram captions claim you are. Pussy is priceless. It’s rewarded to the best, not given to the latest crush that gets you drunk off brown liquor. Stop sliding your panties off for these peasants for fear if you don’t give it up he’ll go find his happily ever after with the next woman. You’re competing with time, competing with other women, competing with this idea that you have to hook a man with sex for him to like you. You’re the trophy, not him! He should be trying to prove that he values you, that he respects you, that he is interested in getting to know what shaped you and how you think. What is he talking about? What is he trying to do with you? What is he revealing about himself? He’s not special, he’s just another guy in the race until he proves himself. Reclaim your power by resetting how you think about men in the first place.
[image error]These men don’t care if you don’t usually have sex this fast. These men don’t care if you’re pretty, smart, educated, a home owner, or have a phone full of guys who want you. You’re a new piece of pussy. Cry wolf talk about how men ain’t shit, but that’s not going to change the game. “Men need to appreciate us” no they don’t. You have to appreciate that what’s between your legs is invaluable! You have to look at your body like it’s billion-dollar vault that everyone is constantly trying to break into. No man is different, they’re sniffing around for the same payoff. It’s your job to keep your legs locked until they have proven themselves worthy. “I’ll use the 90 Day rule, the 3 date rule, or I’ll just wait until we’re in a relationship to have sex.” How about you drop all the bullshit gimmicks and get to know them through questions, counter-questions, seeing how they act around other people, and how they respond when you don’t fuck them the first few times they try? Men tell on themselves, they get in their feelings when they can’t have their way, and all it takes is you having the courage to make them work for sex. Be HARD, be challenging, be the kind of woman a man automatically knows is rare the moment you open your mouth. You can’t afford to wait until after sex to realize everything about this man’s personality makes your pussy dry. Learn that on these initial dates so you can make better choices!
Why is it all on the woman’s shoulders? Because you’re the ones being preyed upon! Men will never change, they will never grow up, they will never stop trying to rob you blind. It’s up to womankind to keep the locks on the door and set the standards so high that only those men who are willing to push past their own lust and initial desires get to stay in the race. You can’t afford to be too tired to date like a Spartan. You can’t get sad when the perfect guy doesn’t pass your tests. You can’t fall for his reverse psychology of “I’m not like that”. We’re all like that! Have as much sex as you want, Take him for a test drive before you commit to make sure he’s not wack, but the first step is to be selective in terms of his character. Build a friendship, not a lust-ship, and I guarantee you that 90% of the issues that ruined your last relationship will never develop under these strict rules. You may not marry the next man you sleep with but be able to look back regardless of the outcome and know that he earned it by meeting your demands.
TURN THE TABLES ON HIM
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Thanks for reading I Still Beat – Exposing A Lame Before He Becomes A Sex Regret
June 29, 2018
Ghosting, Guilting, and other Mind Games – How To Guard Against Gaslighting
If you never understood how an abuser could make a victim feel like the one in the wrong, then read the below email.
“I’m currently in a relationship approaching the two year mark. **** my boyfriend, is a great friend and provider, I never have a want as he looks out for me in ways my exes have never. So why am I writing you then? I was recently introduced to your book and your break down of Hot and Cold men really bothered me. **** fits your description. At least once a month, he gets in moods where he’s not himself. He pushes me away. He brings up my past (I cheated on my high school boyfriend and I was abused by my son’s father) in a way that makes me out to be a horrible person. In the past he’s nicknamed me cheater then later says it’s a joke knowing that it’s a sensitive topic. He once said he understood why I used to get smacked because I like to have the last word. He took it back and said he was joking and that I need to get over myself. In addition to this he seems to keep a list of everything he does (and pays) for me and doesn’t hesitate to bring it up. I’m not stupid, I know he’s doing these things because of his moods not because I am a bad person. My question is given what you wrote in the book, could there be an exception to your reasoning for this behavior? Could I be triggering him to go cold by not being an equal partner financially or with my behavior? My mother says my attitude is my biggest flaw and that I will push a good man to his breaking point if I don’t correct this. I can give you more details if you would like but could you tell me if you’ve seen cases of Hot and Cold being a reaction, not just a case of a guy playing games because that’s not the case here…”
As you can see by that email I received, Mindfucking is alive and well. There are so many women in relationships who are being driven to insanity by toxic males who have figured out the greatest manipulation trick ever invented—Gaslighting. Push and Pull. Being hot and cold. Habitual lying. Twisting and re-framing reality. Turning people against you. Saying they want a woman that thinks and acts like you, only to try and change you. Doing you dirty, then making you think you’re the crazy one at fault…. These are only a few tactics used to break even the strongest women down to their most basic level until they become fearful, docile, and utterly dependent on their abuser. This defanging process happens so slowly that most women who I’ve talk to don’t even know they’re being gaslit until I point it out with specific examples from their own stories. How do you spot this in your own relationship when you’re blinded by love and chained by loyalty? How do you escape a situation when you’ve been told you can’t do better? How do you guard against Gaslighting at the early stages of dating before you’re too far gone? Keep reading, because you’re about to get a Spartan Crash Course in how to become immune to the games.
The Signs of Gaslighting
[image error]Too Good to Be True: The first 2-4 months of a relationship is where users bait and hook you. There’s a concept called “Love Language” a philosophy that dictates that everyone has a trigger that hits their internal wants and makes them feel loved. A lot of women need words of affirmation, quality time, or gifts to feel special. Players aka Dickticians sniff this out. Here you are coming from a relationship where a man never bought you shit or a family life where your parents never told you verbally how great you are. Now you’re presented with a man who is buying you small gifts starting with the second date. Who is complementing your intelligence and affirming this idea that despite your flaws you are special. What happens after a month of someone pushing all the right buttons in terms of this so-called Love Language? YOU FALL HEAD OVER HEELS QUICK! The fucked up thing is, you don’t know it’s a hustle. You’re not a stupid girl, but you are a naïve woman. 90% of the women I meet have holes they try to mask with ego. When a man pours what you assume is genuine love and affection into that hole, you drop your guard. You over-like him based on what he’s saying and doing, and from there you assume this is who he is—One of the Good Ones. Ignorant to the reality that you don’t know anyone until you put in real time vetting them.
After a Dicktictian hooks you with those first months of being too good to be true, the mask will slowly come off. Those sweet things slowly stop. He’s no longer dating you, he’s hanging out with you. In your mind, it’s all good because you don’t need to be courted, you’re past that. He’s no longer treating you to things just because, it’s either you having to ask or not at all. Again, you don’t care because in your mind he’s already proven he values you buy the shit he was doing in the beginning. The final transformation is in how he begins to talk to you. At first it was, “baby this baby that” now he has a short fuse with you, sucks his teeth, and always makes a side comment about how you act as if you’re the most annoying person in the world. At this point its months in, you’ve most likely had sex, you’ve told friends and family about how great he is, you’re posting about him on social media, and you won’t go back on all that praise just because he’s starting to act funny. Spoiler Alert: He’s not acting funny, he’s being his true self. The fact that you don’t make a big fuss about this or point out the change solidifies that his bait and hook worked. You are now primed for Gaslighting because you are blind to the red flags.
Bald Faced Lies: One of a woman’s favorite lines is, “I can’t stand liars” yet when you kick the tires of her relationships all the men she loved were big fucking liars. The next step in Gaslighting is to establish a world of Alternative Facts. Dickticians will lie straight to your face about stupid shit to test you. Are you the woman that will call out a lie and put her foot down, or will you let a lie go to avoid an argument? Don’t answer that, because the shit you say in your head is make believe. The real answer plays out like this…
Dick tells Jane that he’s going to bed early because he had a long day at work. Jane really wanted to see Dick that night, but she understands the need for sleep. Jane is up playing on IG and sees a video of Dick out having drinks with his friends. They’re turnt all the way up—what the fuck happened to needing sleep? Jane is pissed because Dick could have just said he was having a boy’s night and didn’t want to come over, he didn’t have to lie about it. Jane confronts Dick and Dick snaps at Jane like she’s the one in the wrong for blowing his day with nonsense. “So, I can’t go out? The fellas hit me when I was in bed, I didn’t want to go but it was Jeff’s birthday.” Jane knows Dick is full of it, but the way Dick came off—aggressive and annoyed, has bitch checked her. Jane doesn’t want to start a big beef with a man she’s head over hills with over something this silly. What does Jane do? You guessed it, she lets it slide.
[image error]When a woman lets an obvious lie slide, that tells the Manipulator that she’s weak and fearful. She’s so in love or in like at this stage that she would rather be lied to than to make that man angry aka This Basica Needs A Man More Than Honesty. Next it escalates. Dick goes places and turns his phone off then says he had no signal, yet Jane can see he’s liking IG pictures during that time. Dick will make an excuse about not having money to go on a date or to do an activity, but he will buy something he wants. Dick will go off and do what he feels then say, “Oh, I told you I was going out of town this weekend,” knowing damn well he didn’t, but will argue it until you’re like—damn did he tell me? Dick will even get caught going after other women, yet he will maintain that it was innocent, and Jane is the one that’s crazy. Through each of these lies, Jane gets mad, but she doesn’t leave. She threatens, but she doesn’t act. Proof for any man looking to control a woman, that you’re not a Spartan, you’re a Weakling.
Dick isn’t stupid, he knows how to hide his dirt, but he doesn’t want to. Ladies, this is where many of you fuck up. You think men are stupid, that they’re not hip to how to lie correctly—wrong. Dickticians know that you will find out, they want you to call them out, because by making you feel in the wrong they can get away with more. A woman who keeps taking a man back after a lie proves that she’s too far gone to ever leave him, which gives a user the confidence to do more dirt. In the end the Gaslighting works because you’re crying about honesty and he’s telling you you’re just paranoid. You suck it up and blame your trust issues for him having to lie, but he’s the asshole that’s created the trust issues by lying. See how that works? Genius, right?
Playing Dumb: Let’s say you figured out that this man you’re in love with is trying to play you for a fool and you bring receipts to call him out on the game he’s playing. The ultimate response to a woman that’s trying to break free of Gaslighting is to PLAY DUMB. The psychology of love dictates that the person with the strongest feelings doesn’t want to leave, they just want things to go back to how they once were. Meaning that mentally, even though you’re calling him out for his lies or actions, you don’t really want to lose him. By playing dumb a User gives you an out to stay with the devil you know.
[image error]Example, Dick gets caught taking another girl to the movies. Not only did Jane find two ticket stubs, she saw the girl post something online about “when bae makes date night special” …da fuck!? Dick is caught red handed so he goes on the defensive, “That’s Ben’s cousin he was supposed to go but couldn’t, so I did him a favor.” The lie doesn’t really work, so he keeps going, “If I knew it would hurt you I would have said no, I didn’t know she would post online like it was a date.” Then the last step is to shift blame. “You know how these bitches are, they’re messy and love to ruin relationships.” By playing ignorant to the act of dating then pretending he didn’t know how it would make his girl feel he paints himself out to be just a foolish man-child who deserves pity not scolding. Most women are smart enough to see this trick when it’s someone else going through it, however they buy it when their own relationship is on the line. Maybe he is dumb… Yes, girls are trifling… why not give him a second chance just in case… Dick wins by playing dumb because the Gaslighting has already taken hold. This is a good man, who just got fooled, and she would now be the stupid one to break up over something that can be corrected…or so she thinks.
[image error]Using Your Past Against You: Ladies, what do you do when a man sweeps you off your feet? …besides reward him by throwing epic neck? You overshare. It’s so easy to drop your guard when someone is speaking your Love Language and fulfilling your fantasy of what a real man should be. Being comfortable leads to confessions. You talk about your ex boyfriends, your childhood, your dreams and your regrets all on deeper levels than you did during the first few dates because he’s earned your life story. Cheating or being cheated on, abuse or drug use in your family, friends that betrayed you and friends who you still have but don’t really trust—it’s all laid out. Asking you about your wild college days, if you ever had a one night stand, if you ever kissed a girl, the times your family let you down, it sounds innocent, like he’s trying to get to know you better but he’s doing recon. A Dicktician listens for the embarrassing parts of your life story, the shit you’re still sad about, or the past events that still define you. I’ve met women who used to strip or who are bisexual tell me some fucked up tales about how guys were cool with it at first, then began to call them everything from dykes to prostitutes months later. These type of men file your stories away as ammunition, and you have no idea what’s coming until the insults start to fly.
Let’s go back the woman above who wrote me that email. She cheated in high school, a teenage mistake that most people make. In her mind she did a bad act that Karma would come around and make her pay for. A lot of you feel this way, you make mistakes and in some fucked up Judeo-Christian way of thinking swear you must pay for your past with present misery. In comes her boyfriend, who knew the way to keep her obedient was to remind her that she was a cheater, that she still had to make amends, and treat him like a God because a cheater like her doesn’t really deserve him. Think about this! It’s mental warfare and few women can see through it! Next up he pointed out her history of being physically abused by the father of her child. Psychologically she’s now thinking, “Did I deserve it? Did I cross the line and need to be hit? If I were a man I would hit me too.” Her boyfriend was breaking down her walls of self-confidence, making her see herself not as a woman worthy of respect, but as a loud mouth brat who deserved to be taken down a notch… and it worked.
[image error]Highlighting Your Insecurities: Now that your life story is exposed to scrutiny the next step in Gaslighting is ripping open your insecurities. The compounding attack of “look at your fucked up life and all the things you caused to happen” mixed with “Look at how much better other people are than you,” is a deathblow to a woman’s self-esteem. Let’s face it, everyone has something they’re not happy with about themselves, many people have multiple things. When you ignore your insecurities, they fester and when someone points them out, it triggers anxiety or depression. The only way to rise above either is to do the work internally to fix yourself before someone exploits you. Easier said than done, because at the root of these issues is the thought that maybe you are weak, stupid, ugly, fat, annoying, basic, or whatever it is that you’re running from.
Gaslighting isn’t fueled by lies, it’s fueled by half-truths that they twist into full truths to force you into a sunken place. Back to Dick and Jane. Jane’s last boyfriend broke her heart and ended up married to another woman within a year of their breakup. Jane obsessed over this for months, and even created a fake page to stalk the other woman. Jane’s attractive, but she’s honest enough to say that this new girl is more attractive. Jane kept this to herself until one night she confessed it to Dick. Dick affirmed that she doesn’t need to compete with other women, that’s she’s a ten in his eyes—all game. What Dick did once Jane’s insecurity was revealed was to start reminding Jane how other girls looked in comparison. Music Videos, magazines, even the waitress bringing their food—she’s really pretty (aka prettier than you). Jane of course internalized that. Besides physical looks, the other tool is to compare the weakened woman with someone that’s doing better. You’re not as far along in your career as his ex-girlfriend. You don’t really have as much money as girls your same age. You’re still trying to figure out life, while other women are buying homes or forming companies. It’s a chess game, that will have a woman questioning her worth.
When Jane starts to mouth off or stands up for herself, how does Dick break her down? Bitch Checks: You’re putting on weight. Do you really need to be eating that? I see why your ex left you for that other chick. Why do you wear so much makeup? That dress isn’t flattering. What’s your IQ, you say some really dumb things. All you do is gossip and play on the internet. Nobody wants you but me… Remember these things are said over time, sometimes months apart, but they chip away until a woman feels fat, ugly, and dumb. By the time the relationship is in full swing, Jane feels she can’t leave because Dick will turn around and do what her last man did, give another more deserving woman the ring.
[image error]The Best Apologies: A man should apologize by changing his behavior, not by flapping his gums. Promises don’t mean shit and “sorry” isn’t worth the oxygen it takes to say it. Yet, when you’re being Gaslighted common sense goes out the window because you want to believe you can go back to the beginning. He will treat you like it’s your first month of dating and hit those Love Language triggers. You go from blocking him, to lifting your hips up while he slides your panties off for make up sex. Now you feel glowy inside and ride that wave until the next time he blows up on you. Dickticians know you don’t want to start over with a new man, all you want to do is feel loved again by the same man that you’re comfortable with, and this is why they kiss ass so well. Gifts, flowers, surprise dates, calling your family or friends to tell them how you feel, posting affirmations of love publicly. You’re taught that these things mean that a person has changed, but that’s the miseducation of living in a world full of Basicas. A person doesn’t change overnight! Materialistic gifts or shallow out pours are done to stroke your ego. If he truly gave a fuck about you, he would be having discussions about why he did what he did, not trying to nod along and get you to sweep it under the rug.
Using Your Friends/Family Against You: The mask that a Manipulator wore when he first courted you still comes out when he’s trying to get something from you, apologize for something he did, or when company is around. When a man buddies up to your mother or grandmother to the point where he’s going out of his way to do favors for them, you must keep a watchful eye on that relationship. Users know that when things get rough women vent to their girlfriends and whatever maternal figure is available. The girlfriends are easy marks because all he has to do is let you show off. If he buys you things or takes you somewhere exotic, you’re going to tell your girls, they’ll envy it, and think he’s a catch. If you talk about leaving him, they’ll think you’re crazy because he did so much for you. I’ve heard variations of, “Girl ain’t nothing out here, you better work through it with a man that looks out for you,” numerous times, and it works at guilting a woman to stay! Thus, a manipulators job is done without having to say a word.
With family members, it takes more effort to win them over. I once met a woman whose boyfriend paid for her mother and aunt to go back to Jamaica via a cruise. When she tried to break up with him, she talked to her mother who usually had great advice. This time she was tainted, because moms are humans with egos too. Her mother brow beat her about all the bums she’s dated, threw her daddy issues in her face, and said she was trying to get rid of a good man because she didn’t know what to do when someone was too nice. Of course, this woman stayed for another several months, and ended up finally leaving after he nearly strangled her to death. The point is, watch how they move, and always question their motivation for buttering the ass of your friends and family.
Isolating You: Another Gaslighting trick is to get you away from your support system all together so you don’t have anyone chiming in when they see or are told about red flags. In MDLWLY I wrote about the importance of group dates or at least hanging out with other people early in the relationship. When other people ask questions, make jokes, or chime in with opinions around your boyfriend it forces him to react on the spot in ways he can’t with you. Guys with tempers or attention whores can’t stand when they’re not the center of your attention and you will see a shift. Guys who are looking to talk down to you or control you, won’t say anything in mixed company they’ll wait until the drive home, and that’s usually a sign that he’s not who he seemed one on one.
What a man attempting to Gaslight you does is skip all the social stuff so it’s always one on one. When it’s just you two and he has an overpowering personality, he can get his way. Everyone else in your life is a liar or jealous. His ideas don’t make sense, but when it’s just you he can convince you to do it. He’s asking for favors that make you feel nervous like loans or putting things in his name. If you were asking the advice of others you may think twice, but when it’s just you two, he makes it make sense until you do it. Follow me? When you live in a bubble where a man is the one creating your reality that he’s the only one that loves you and your friends and family are all out to bring you down, you stop thinking for yourself and become his puppet. There’s no outside opinion or going for help because he’s made it so that your friends think you’re fake and your family thinks you turned your back on them. Divide and Conquer—works every time.
[image error]Reminding You How Great They Are: Narcissist love to remind you about everything they’ve done to you, from the drink they brought on the second date to the time they came and picked you up from the airport. The narrative in their story is that they’re the hero saving you, the poor helpless peasant, from a world of rival men who used to fuck you and fallback. You’re not that smart, you’re not that pretty without makeup, and your career is going nowhere. They’re the one that sees something in you, they’re the ones looking out for you, they could do better than you, but they stick it out. The words “appreciate” and “be grateful” are a manipulators favorite go to lines. All of these things are throw in your face subtly at first, then it increases every time you step out of line or dare to start an argument.
Example, Jane tells Dick that she feels that he’s growing distant and that their relationship has hit a road block. Dick doesn’t want to lose his puppet so he Dr. Strange’s that shit and goes into the past: He tells her how he used to take her out to all those fancy places. He mentions the money or gifts he gave her. He then points out how her friends are single and jealous. Then the icing on top is to compare himself to all the other men out there. “I’m not out here cheating on you like Kim’s boyfriend, am I? Name one man who’s done half of what I’ve done for you since we’ve been together? You want to be back on Tinder dating a bunch of clowns?” Jane is now scared straight because Dick uses the example that the grass isn’t greener to keep her right in his fucking yard like the obedient bitch he has trained her to be. The sad thing is it works.
Guilting: I didn’t do it, but if I did you deserved it. That never happened, stop making shit up… okay so it happened, but it’s because you did such and such to me first. I don’t tell you anything because you always overreact. Your attitude all goes back to your mother and father’s relationship. The moment a man deflects his negative actions by pointing out something you do then the writing is on the wall that you need to walk away. The only Baecation these bums are going to ever take you on is a Guilt Trip. Argument after argument they will wear you down with “Okay I did that, but you do this,” until you start to believe you’re the reason for your own unhappiness and they’re just innocent bystanders. Guilt is also a tool used when you threaten to break up or leave. “I’m going to kill myself, and you don’t even care.” Or “You’re going to let everything we built end like this? I knew you never loved me.” And finally, the ultimate weapon, “You must have someone else on the side, that’s why you can leave me so easily.” Men are hip to the core of the guilt game—Women don’t want to hurt or abandon those they love so they hold tight even as that person drags them under.
[image error]Ghosting: When a woman is too head strong, too independent, too hard to break, or suddenly tries to Spartan Up on a Dicktician there is one last Gaslighting tactic that works—The Fallback. What do women covet most of all? Transparency. The reason the average girl chases after guys that reject them more than guys that ride their clits is because of a need to know, “Why don’t you want me like everyone else?” When a man doesn’t text back after a date—what went wrong what did I do? When a man doesn’t reach out after sex—what went wrong was I not good? When a man you’re dating becomes distant and doesn’t communicate as frequently—what is going on, did I do something? It’s always YOU YOU YOU. Women race to take accountability for turning a man off, never realizing that it’s not them, some guys are just assholes that never wanted them from the jump. In a relationship where a man has built up equity, Ghosting is a great way to tighten his grip on your mind. Falling back could be the result of an argument or I could be the culmination of you stepping out of the weak role he’s trap you in, regardless of the reason, it goes a little something like this…
Jane hasn’t been texted all day by Dick, so she calls, no answer. Dick does the same thing the next day, so Jane panics and reaches out, this time with anger. Ah-ha! Now Dick can respond back, “That’s the problem, you always overreacting. I need time to myself.” See, boys and girls, the name of the game is to wait for the other person to paint themselves as the bad guy by being hostile. That way you can point it out on the spot and play the victim. Next Jane reaches out with an apology. She’s had time to think, and she did overreact, so she asks for his forgiveness and thinks they should meet and talk. At this point a normal dude would rush back in, but when you’re Gaslighting a woman, it’s not about speed it’s about bringing her to her knees, so she will never rebel again. Dick maintains that he needs time and Jane should respect that. At this point Jane could react by talking to other men or focusing on work in order to stop thinking about him, but none of that will work. As I laid out above, a woman must know what she did wrong or her anxiety will drive her crazy. It’s no longer about the argument or her snapping, she’s fearful that this man she’s fallen for doesn’t want her anymore because she hasn’t been a good enough girlfriend.
Sound familiar? So many women claim, “I’m the best kind of girlfriend,” but, they don’t know if they’re wifey material until a man wifes them. When a guy Ghosts it cuts deep into their ego that they don’t have what it takes to keep a man. The Ghosted woman will lose all pride and dignity and virtually beg for a man to come back or let him come back without any explanation for his actions because she can’t take rejection on that level. In the end, Dick is back in Jane’s life, and this time she’s even more subservient because Dick proved that he can live without her, but she can’t live without him.
Guarding Against Gaslighting
The Early Stage: Some of you will read through these signs and think, “fuck it, I’ll just be content with my showerhead and Kindle, men play too many games,” but that’s not the solution. You deserve to be loved and you will find love, but you have to be Spartan enough to play this game like a Goddess not a little girl that just wants to get married. Dating isn’t a race, it’s an interrogation. I’ve filled books with this stuff, so I won’t dwell. The overall idea is to take it slow with each man you date, especially those that jump out the gate as too good to be true. Even if you aren’t dating multiple men, you should never be so consumed by one man that you give him the impression that you are his for the taking. Manipulators don’t waste time with women that are too difficult to hustle or who don’t have a deep want for attention. Meaning that those first few months of him wearing that mask is a result of seeing something in you during those first few dates that tell him you’re a mark, so frontload your first few dates and show him you’re not the one to be toyed with nor some bird looking for a “daddy” to love.
A male User knows the signs of a woman looking desperately for love the same way a woman using Ho Tactics knows when a mark is ripe for the picking. Most people wear their insecurities on their sleeves and don’t even know it. Your attitude, your opinions, the way you kiss at the end of a first date, the fake-ass playing hard to get stuff you do before sex, it’s all typical of a weak woman. Know yourself. Know the signs of Gaslighting. Ask questions. Make a man work…then make him work some more. Point out Red Flags in the moment, not days later. Challenge a man’s opinions on things, don’t just nod along. If he tries to guilt you, tells a bald faced lie, or attempts to make you feel confused about what he said, then that’s a sign that you need to walk away. I don’t care how handsome he is, how much money he has, or who recommended him as a good guy. He will test you early to see what he can get away with, so don’t give him the satisfaction. If he sees you’re more work than expected and that you’re not some timid Basica thirsty for love, he will fallback. This is the ultimate goal with all men, either they hold up to your interrogation and prove themselves or they walk away. Don’t just focus on what they’re saying, the actions have to match their words, and I’m not just talking about hollow shit like good morning texts and pulling out your chair on a date. In a given three week period are they walking like they were talking on day one? Stop trying to make it easy for men to date you, stop trying to turn down your attitude, stop trying to be less picky! Dare any man who wants you to put in work to get you. “I’ll be alone forever if I don’t play the part of a doormat,” are the kinds of women that get fucked over on a regular basis. You are a fucking Spartan, you don’t impress easy.
The Late Stage: Some of you just realized you’re in a fucked up relationship. Congratulations, knowing is half the battle, but you’re not out of the woods yet. Months, even years of psychological torture and condition can’t be overturned in a day. The ball is now in your court to break free. The first step is seeing this man as DICK, a user, a manipulator, an abuser not as a human being. Only monsters prey on someone’s loving nature to gain control over them. This idea that he’s your baby, a nice guy, a good husband, a wonderful provider, a loving father, or whatever else he’s gotten you to label him as is counterproductive to your emancipation. He’s the villain! Dehumanize him so you won’t fall into any of his emotional traps. If you continue to see the nice guy inside of him, you’ll hold out hope for change. Which brings me to the next step. Know that change isn’t coming. So many women come to me with “how do we go back to the way it was,” and 98% of the time the stories they share, show that this man is incapable of real change only pockets of playing nice until it’s time to be normal again. Accept that it’s over. Accept that what you once had was a mirage. Those good times, that fantasy that almost came true was a hustle.
The final step, at least for now, is to physically separate yourself from your abuser. You may not be able to just pick up and leave if you live together or have children together, but you can start the process of telling him that it’s gone from a relationship to co-habituating until one of you can move on permanently. For the rest of you it really is as easy as blocking him, telling friends not to talk to him, and ignoring his advances if he pops up. These men won’t give up without a fight which makes this difficult. They will push your buttons in all the ways listed above to remind you that you’re a piece of shit and that you can’t do better. PUSH THROUGH IT! They will try to sweet talk you and buy their way back. PUSH THROUGH IT! They will play reverse psychology games and show up with new girls trying to throw her in your face. PUSH THROUGH IT! The biggest insecurity will be your continued fear of failing, of having made the wrong choice by ending it with this man who swore he was your savior. Fuck him! No man of this earth is your fucking savior! You save yourself in this fairy tale! Push him out of your life, don’t back down, don’t crack, and stick to your guns!
Why You?
Remember when Kelly Rowland dropped “Dirty Laundry” and people were in shock that she allowed that kind of abuse to go on? That type of shock is a result of ignorance towards Gaslighting. It’s not just a buzzword used for movies and shitty novels about revenge, it’s a real-world epidemic where it doesn’t matter how rich, how pretty, or how smart you are, if a man sinks his claws in early on you’re fucked. There will be some people who read this and feel that if a woman allows this kind of treatment that’s on her–bullshit. Some people are predisposed to predatory behavior because they have low self esteem or come from a broken home, but it’s never YOUR FAULT. No one asks to be emotionally exploited or deserves to be mentally compromised.
There are narcissistic men out here who feed off women in weakened or desperate states because they crave power over someone who won’t fight back. It’s not bad luck, it’s not men in general, it’s not about you being too stupid to notice, Gaslighting is a calculated con game perpetrated by insecure little men who sweep you off your feet, pinpoint your insecurities, then slowly break you down until you feel like you deserve to be treated like shit. That’s what get’s their dicks hard, a broken woman that now needs him to survive. Never lose yourself in pursuit of a man’s love! No one is so Unicorn rare that you sacrifice your sanity to keep things afloat. The moment you notice them lying, bringing up your past, deflecting his issues in order to point out your flaws, or flat out questioning your sanity, you must step away. Users who prey on women know that many of you are damaged by past relationships and that you secretly blame yourself for things that you had no control over. They use your paranoia, guilt, and regret to build themselves as your last hope for happiness. Fuck that! Everyone has moments of weakness and self-doubt; those times don’t define you. Strength is built over time, setback by setback, and as you learn, you grow. The key is to face your faults, not wallow in them! You are born to be a Spartan, you will shed the skin of the past, and in the end, you will look back at the woman you used to be, not with regret but with gratitude. The process of discovering your power through the wisdom of experience is never a cakewalk. Embrace your evolution, Queen and know that while a man may bend you mentally, he doesn’t have the power to break you!
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May 3, 2018
Leave, Sis – Working Through It or Wasting Time
First off, thank all of you for making last week’s release of The Unicorn Delusion a Kindle best seller. I’m taking a short vacation (I know, I know, but you can still email me here, plus you have the archives and my books to keep you on your Spartan toes).
Anyway, I have a great Guest Writer filling in this week who I hope many of you can relate to…
NEFARIOUS BLISS aka @PleaseImpressMe, a young woman who runs the website Nefariousbliss.com. Today she will open herself up to give you the female perspective on a question most of you are struggling with:
Should You Keep Working Through It
or Are You Wasting Time?
[image error]What is it about change that is so intimidating? While some people embrace change, be it by design or the unexpected, others curl up and hide from the thought of their status quo being rattled. I get it. Life is unpredictable, and the universe has a way of flipping your whole life upside down in a matter of moments. So, of course, to not feel completely powerless to forces outside our control, we hold on tight to the things in our lives that remain constant: familial ties, a career, friendships, relationships, etc. The issue here is that we can get so comfortable in these situations that it is easy to become blinded by the familiarity and stagnate ourselves. So many preach about “Staying Woke” to what is going on in the world yet are deeply asleep when it comes to their own lives.
Romantic relationships are a great example of people getting comfortable and resisting change. Why stay committed to a relationship that no longer fulfills you? The answer is simple: the thought of starting anew with someone else is terrifying. While men go through this too, so many women have an underlying fear of being alone. There is a stigma associated with women being perpetually single. It’s stupid, but it exists nonetheless. Don’t do yourself a disservice by letting a comfortable situation impede your happiness. Comfort does not equal fulfillment. Change is hard, but looking back on your life ten years from now and realizing you wasted your best years on a dud will be much harder.
[image error]Leave, sis. Does not apply to women in abusive situations or other scenarios where leaving isn’t as simple as just throwing up the peace sign and rolling out, but it that shoe does fit for so many others who can literally cut a man off tomorrow but have chosen not to. There is no point to enslave yourself to a toxic or bleak situation just because you are afraid to be alone or to be seen as a cat lady. Still, a large chunk of the population remain slaves to relationships they can walk away from but refuse to. Stay for the kids. Stay for the finances. Stay to keep up appearances. Stay because maybe…just maybe…things will go back to how they were in the beginning. No matter how you try to rationalize staying in a failing relationship, you possess the intelligence and the power to move on and start over. The insanity is that you refuse to use either to better your life. Now or in the past, you were guilty of staying in that comfort zone despite claiming that you love yourself too much. Now or in the past you were guilty of giving out one too many chances to someone that didn’t deserve you. Now or in the past you allowed “I wouldn’t put up with that,” to morph into, “I can’t believe I fell for that.” It’s time to break that cycle.
It Is Not 1918
If Kanye West argues that slavery was a choice, imagine what he would say about women of the recent past? Some of our mothers and grandmothers were forced to stay with a man they couldn’t stand; abusive men, no-good men and so on and so forth because they did not have the freedom to control their own destiny as we do today. Maybe your own inner-Yeezy is currently swearing that those women had the freedom to walk away, so allow me to enlighten you. Prior to World War II, the average woman did not work. It was not socially acceptable, as a woman’s place was in the home and a man’s out in the workforce. This was possible due to the economy of the time. If you could not support yourself financially without a husband, what were your options for leaving? Zilch, unless you were into homelessness. Imagine being a Black woman; even after women in the workforce became normalized, the jobs still went to White women first. Either way you were underpaid and undervalued, so the husband remained the breadwinner.
[image error]Let’s add insult to injury: divorce was often not an option, whether you had the means to make it on your own or not. You couldn’t just run to the court and file for divorce on the grounds of irreconcilable differences. The courts wanted a valid reason, such as adultery, abuse, mental illness, etc. You proved your reasoning to be valid? Great. Now you have to prove that you did not contribute to the issue. Even if you were lucky and the courts granted you a divorce, what are you going to do with yourself? I am convinced this was the birth of the “Stand By Your Man” logic. Having any husband was better than having no husband and being judged by the outside world for leaving said husband. Really think about this. It didn’t matter if he came home drunk and slapped you up every night, leaving seemed much scarier. Women of the time made the best of the situation because they had minimal options to enact change. When you’re forced to stand by your man, you convince yourself maybe his irresponsible or abusive behavior isn’t so bad and carry on for the sake of the children. Although it wasn’t intentional, these macabre traditions became ingrained in the minds of women generation after generation. Our situations are not the same as the women who came before us, we truly have a choice—so what’s your excuse? Your great-grandmother’s fear of leaving stemmed from a need to survive. Yours comes from having to go back out into the dangerous world of dating.
Working Through It
or Wasting Your Time?
Broke Brian has been struggling since you met him and the loyal woman in you keeps helping him out of jams, but it’s caused resentment on both sides. Do you keep working on it or walk away? Moody Mark has a habit of raising his voice and throwing insults at you, but it doesn’t happen all the time. Do you keep working on it or walk away? Naïve Nate keeps putting everyone from his mother to his friends before you, he doesn’t mean any harm, but you are constantly treated like #2. Do you keep working on it or walk away? How do you decide which traits are worth working through when you’re in love with a person? The loyal woman inside of you will convince you that real love doesn’t give up, and that’s where 99% of you will mess up. Few men will put up with a woman’s negatives, but the majority of women will compromise their own happiness to keep that same man comfortable. Smells like a hustle to me.
[image error]An essential part of being an adult is doing what is best for yourself, even if it’s hard. A smart adult can discern who and what deserves her energy, effort and patience. No relationship is perfect, but perfection is not the goal. Humans are inherently selfish, and when entering into a romantic partnership, difficulties will arise no matter how madly in love you are. You are managing your own wants and needs while also trying to attend to someone else’s. This dynamic is bound to cause friction every now and then. Have your “every now and then’s” turned into “all the time’s?” So many relationship problems stem from just plain ol’ incompatibility. If you are not compatible with the person you claim to love, there is no amount of working through it that can be done to salvage the relationship. We have been brainwashed by these sappy love songs and movies to think love is supposed to hurt and you will come out stronger together once you’ve fought off all the demons plaguing your union. This is fake news, beloved. Love is not supposed to be 15% happiness and 85% agony. Stop subscribing to the madness. You can’t work through problems such as habitual cheating, narcissism and general disrespect. It is not your job to take a person of low character and turn him into a stand-up guy.
Red Flags
[image error]Whoever coined the phrase “experience is the best teacher” was no liar. To this day, my mom tells me that if I would just listen to her, I would save myself a lot of trouble. As I’ve gotten older, I know this to be true, as she has amassed copious amounts of wisdom throughout her life. However, every now and then, I still have to learn the hard way and try things out for myself in the hope that my outcome will somehow differ from what she told me I could expect. Most of us do not listen to our elders when it comes to making choices, it’s just a part of growing up. The harder lessons come when we fail to learn from our mistakes and refuse to listen to our own gut feelings.
There have been so many times where I ignored red flags, shrugged off inappropriate behaviors and allowed myself to be used and taken for granted. By failing to speak up and create boundaries, I became a star contributor to my own unhappiness. After all, people will treat you however you allow them to. I assumed that by being verbal and commanding respect, I would just end up pushing him away and end up alone. Of course I knew that being alone was preferable to not being treated in the way I deserved, but I didn’t walk it like I talked it. In a nutshell, I was all bark and no bite. I have taken many trips down the rabbit hole of naivete, and after many detours and mishaps, I finally found the exit. I no longer try to force things to work that aren’t working. I no longer give multiple chances. I have ceased giving people the benefit of the doubt. You have to know when you are fighting an uphill battle and let it go. I’ve been in the dating game for 10 years now, and through all the frogs, here are the main red flags (in no particular order) I run from like I am Usain Bolt, and you should too:
Inconsistency: To put it simply, if a man is inconsistent, he just doesn’t like you, beloved. It does not mean he does not like you as a person, but romantically, he’s just not vested. I spent way too much time listening to and accepting excuses when I should have just told him to kick rocks. Wishy-washy people have the ability to drive you mad because their unpredictable behavior takes away any semblance of control you may have had over the relationship. You can’t trust an inconsistent person with your feelings, time or emotions.
I’m not looking for a relationship: As a grown ass man or woman, it is essential to have the foresight to determine if the person you are infatuated with has you headed for a Situationship. This line is usually the one that lets you know you have failed at uncovering his true intentions. If you truly spend time getting to know a person, 9 times out of 10 you will be able to discern if they are just here to spread your legs and play with your time or if they are as emotionally open as you are. There was this guy I really liked several years ago. I knew he wasn’t someone I would be compatible with long-term, yet I continued to test the murky waters. He was inconsistent, flaky and told me he just wanted to be single. 3 months later he entered into a relationship and had a child. He just wasn’t into me and I should have accepted that instead of playing myself.
Attitude Problems: Attitude problems are a HUGE no-no. I’ve dealt with men who had volatile attitudes to the quieter, passive-aggressive type, and for a long time after I got rid of each one, I asked myself why I didn’t run for the hills at the first sign of danger. You can’t fix someone’s poor attitude, and it is not your job to. There is no amount of talking, reasoning or fighting back that will cure assholeness. Not a walking soul on this flawed earth is worth throwing your peace of mind to the wayside in exchange for mental, physical and/or emotional abuse. If you have any type of support system around that can assist in transitioning out of a toxic environment, use it without shame!
[image error]Everyone’s deal-breakers are different, and I have others that I won’t go into because it would possibly span 10 pages explaining my reasoning behind them all. Long story short, if you become involved with someone, only keep them around if they contribute to your joy, not rob you of it. It doesn’t mean you cut him off because he leaves his socks everywhere or snores too loudly. Everyone has their quirks. Listen to that little voice in the back of your head. Your consciousness is always trying to connect with you and keep you aware of when you need to enact change and do what is best for yourself. Dwelling on the fear of loneliness, fear of being judged, or fear of starting over is futile; you only get one chance at this life and time flies. Protect your energy and only allow those who have proven themselves worthy to experience all the wonderful things you have to offer.
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April 19, 2018
Are You Dick Whipped?
Why do you let guys play games with your heart? Oh, that’s right, you don’t let them, it’s a product of modern day males being so smart and sneaky that you can’t tell “He Wants Me” from “He’s A Waste.” Let’s go with the idea that we men are crafty and that you as women in your late teens, early 20s, even into your 30s, just don’t know how to tell the good from the bad because no one ever schooled you. I am telling every naïve, mistreated, and unhip woman right now that 8 out of the next 10 men you meet will not actually want you. I don’t care if it’s a guy that’s been crushing on you for years and finally gets a shot—he’ll ghost you once he’s lived out his fantasy. I don’t care if it’s that nice guy who just started working at your job and says all the proper things—he’ll ghost you after he explores your pussy. I don’t even care if it’s your on again off again man who has been through the struggles with you—he won’t end up with you in the end. The optimistic law that there’s someone for everyone is a lie. Women die alone or next to a man they never wanted, every day! Now that you know this, you can’t pretend to be ignorant to the game. You can’t blame your next love failure on not knowing. So, now what?
If I challenge you to find those 2 out of 10 men that are decent and sidestep those 8 that are pieces of shit, too immature to settle, emotionally unavailable, or plain old not interested in your personality, would you be able to now figure out who to date versus who to let go? If I sat you on a date and told you to break a man down through questions, could you do it? If I told you to take out your phone and delete every number of men who you know mean you know good, would you even want to?
[image error]Most of you will continue to get burnt by Dick Tactics because you read but don’t actually do. You learn psychology but don’t apply it to your life, because your big ass ego has you out here thinking you’re exempt. Sis, you’re stressed over a man that seven other women can lay claim to. Sis, you’re stuck on the memory of a man who was never that special. Sis, you’re a magnet for friendly ass men who will never see you as enough. I dare you to do something about it besides deflect the issue. If this is your first time reading this site, then I don’t blame you, everyone needs help navigating new waters. If this is a site you’ve come to more than once, then you have no excuse. I’ve given away free game for years that people from celebrities to high school teens to grandmothers have used in real life to step their game up and find inner strength and eventually love. Why can they take what I write and win while you still get played by some the grinning loser with a curved dick and low credit score? How can a 22-year-old woman from Canada end up married to a millionaire after reading my work, while a 29-year-old woman from NYC gives up and lets a guy who already has multiple kids make her just another baby mama? Why do you allow your low self-esteem to convince you that it just isn’t in the cards for you, when I consistently show you examples of women who, no matter their body weight, complexion, city of residence, or financial status, hook quality guys? It’s not about luck, it’s about mind-frame. You refuse to question the results of your life because you don’t like to think about all the L’s you take. Well, the time for hiding is over.
“My phone’s dry, I have to get dick to be whipped,” false! Many of you reading this are single, you’re more concerned with who to swipe on some dating app, than if you have holes in your game. Nevertheless, being whipped isn’t about ONE MAN, it’s about you being prone to attracting guys who want to taste you, gas you up, and then cool on you. Doesn’t matter what your relationship status is currently, if you’ve played yourself or let a man lead you on in the past two years– You’re dick whipped. You love to compare yourself to women who you are better then, well let’s look at those women who don’t get sprung off good sex. Let’s highlight those women who leave the man you cry over on Read. These ladies don’t have a deep hole that needs to be filled nor do they confuse sex with love. Men chase them, but they are able to ignore that game whereas you fall for it. Men have sex with them, and they’re the one’s that fall back whereas you run forward. The solution isn’t to avoid men, to be celibate, or any bullshit that doesn’t address the issue. You must get to know the ins and outs of your actions!
Maybe it was your father’s treatment of your mother or your father not being there that has you out in these streets chasing affection from some disingenuous man who reminds you of Dear Dad. “He’s so annoying!” is what you say…then you pick up the phone to call him. “He’s a clown, I’m done with his immaturity!” is what you say…then you race to text him back. That man is the second coming of the father who didn’t want you. If you can make this asshole fall in love, it will prove that you’re special, that you do have the magic to make a man stay and act right, unlike your sweet, but basic, mother.
[image error]Maybe it’s not the damage from Dear Old Dad that has you out here doing dumb shit like paying for your own Uber, letting guys borrow money, and agreeing to situationships. It may have nothing to do with your family at all. It’s your low self-esteem, your lack of confidence, the anxiety and overthinking that takes a positive thought and turns it negative until you suck your teeth and give up. Negative Nancy, you have a solution for everyone’s problems, but you can’t solve your own. That self-loathing that you feel makes you just as weak as those women with Daddy Issues. At least with those ladies, they can come to grips therapeutically and reset that childhood. You don’t even know where to start because you never address your insecurity. Is it your face? Is it your waist size? Is it the other women you compare yourself to or those who teased you when you were younger? Is it a combination of the physical things you see as “ugly” that make you stay in the house and pretend that you give up on love, only to be lured out by the first guy that shows you affection?
To become dick whipped you need to have cracks in your armor. Male manipulation doesn’t work on fully secure women. You need to be mentally weak in certain areas. That’s what men love more than anime, the control over a weak bitch like you. Go ahead and brag about how you’re mean, you’re hard, you’re no-nonsense, and guys know not to come at you sideways. Now that you’re done lying. Think back to when you let a man into your life, and he treated you just as typical as any other woman with an open heart and anxious vagina. You’ve all been gamed. It’s not because his dick was an Infinity Stone, it was because you got lost in your need to feel love. A man pounding your pussy. Eating your ass. Sucking your neck. Looking into your eyes while you ride it… that makes you feel like you’ve won. It’s lust, it’s passion, it’s a drug high. But you don’t care. It felt perfect, and you want to have that all the time, so you allow that man to give you what he feels you deserve as opposed to what you’re worthy of.
[image error]Know why we throw the best dick in the women we barely like? Because hate fucking allows us to have, the energy of DMX spitting a verse after smoking two rocks! I remember when I was around 15 and an older cat flirted with a girl around my age who had this big donkey booty. After she walked by, he leaned on his car and told me and my homie, “I’m going to fuck the puppy shit out of her ugly ass.” Why would a man be sexually aroused by a girl whose face was a 5 at best? Because that older man knew what we younger boys didn’t at the time, girls with low self-esteem based on a perceived physical flaw, be it a busted face or being overweight, are easy to manipulate. They won’t let go after getting dicked down because sex with them is nasty and energized. Do you understand the words that you’re reading? Men like that were raised on Iceberg Slim books, they know how to dick whip soft women who are either physically ashamed or mentally damaged from their childhood. If you think you’re ugly, it shows. If you think you don’t deserve happiness, it shows. If you don’t believe in the body you’re in or still hate the childhood you grew from, then you will always project “I’m a weak little girl” to these female and male predators who will exploit that.
SAVE YOURSELF FROM THE STRESS
[image error]Let’s take it back to the beginning. Now that you know how men operate, you know how they charm, how they pretend, and how a little vetting goes a long way in exposing these level of users, are you going change? Are you going to keep picking up the phone for that ex who you swore off because he makes your pussy moist or are you going to be better than that? Are you going to keep going to see the guy that wastes your time every weekend just to get some quick action or are you going to be better than that? Are you going to pretend you know everything about dating, then end up busting it open on the first date or are you going to be better than that? Knowledge alone isn’t power, you must actually apply it to benefit from it! Stop running into the arms of men that only want you for the night. Stop fronting like you’re using them for sex, because not too deep inside you know damn well you were put on this earth to get something lasting, not be a fling. “It’s too complicated, it’s too hard, just tell men to stop dogging us out, boo-hoo-hoo” That’s the Basica in you trying to fight the truth that your salvation is in your own hands. You alone, control who you spread your legs for. You alone must make better decisions or forever be that woman that’s dumb over dick.
Pussy Power will forever be stronger than Dick Power, so it’s time you learn step by step how to use it. Read my all-new Deluxe Edition of The Unicorn Delusion. Now on iTunes & Kindle… Click HERE
This book will make you uncomfortable. It will upset the balance of your life. It will kick you in the ass, and it will push your buttons until you finally do something about your problems. This isn’t a self-help book for snowflakes who want to learn how to enchant men with corny gimmicks, text like a teenager, submit to males, or discover the love language of these users and abusers. This is a hard, unflinching, punch to the gut that will break you out of your old typical habits and show you step by step how to reset your life by becoming a confident, take no prisoners, warrior Queen. No matter if you’re single, in a relationship, married, or going through a divorce, it’s time to flip that switch and regain power over your life. 9 Unique Chapters comprised of all the material you need to break out of your weak bitch ways! The Unicorn Delusion is a fast and furious crash course in how to change your life by tomorrow.
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April 5, 2018
Surviving Single – How To Be Happy Alone
Fuck love, fuck dating, fuck this generation of over-texting, under-valuing, game playing fakes. You’re sick of being disappointed and tired of wasting time, so you’re going to break away from romance to focus on self until that bitter taste is gone or someone worthwhile comes along. LMFAO! Yeah okay… You’re over love in the same way a 15-year-old who says, “I hate this house I’m going to run away,” is over their parents. Once that anger dies out, or someone kisses your ass, you’re back to doing the same shit you’ve been doing—Entertaining time wasters, sleeping with recycled exes, trying to teach people who don’t even like you, how to love you, and ignoring the lessons your last disappointment should have taught you. Why are you so hard headed that you race right back into the game despite all those “that was the last time I do that to myself” affirmations? Simple. Because you don’t know how to be happy alone! I’m talking to you Mr. She Hurt Me, Bro and you Ms. No One I Like Ever Likes Me Back. No matter if you’re recently single and ready to swear it off or if you’ve been single for so long that your coochie’s grown cobwebs, I want to convince you that taking a break is a good thing. However, the insincere and emotionally driven way most of you attempt to hit reset is the wrong way to go about it.
[image error]There are women who know how to be in-between boyfriends. There are men that know how to live through a pussy drought. A lack of options isn’t the same as taking a break. It’s so easy to swear off love when you have a dry phone, or you can only attract exes or people you’ve already curved. That’s like being on a diet when your account is on overdraft. Of course you can have will-power when your ass can’t afford that 900-calorie meal. There’s nothing wrong with getting back in the game after swearing it off, we all say shit in the heat of the moment. However, if you swore it off because you felt that there were mistakes you were making that needed to be corrected, you should actually take steps to correct them before engaging with someone new. If you swore off love because you kept attracting toxic people, you should step back and soul-search the reasons why you allowed yourself to be sucked in by that member of the Ain’t Shit Club. You can’t be upset for a week, brainwash yourself into believing that not calling your ex or taking new numbers is self-work, then fall back into old habits once you feel better. It’s kinda like Caesar from Black Ink never addressing how Dutchess Ho Tactic’d his entire life, and continuing to chase after every new piece of ass with the same simp mentality that got him burnt. It’s like messy bun Amber from Teen Mom thinking she knows everything, then opening her legs to the next old-ass user, without properly vetting him. If you don’t step back and do the work it will lead to an endless Circle of Fuck Ups…
I hate men, I’m going to focus on my money
+ A new cute guy that pushes all the right buttons
= He’s so different, that’s bae.
These broads are all crazy, I’m good over here
+ A new sexy woman that laughs too hard at your jokes
= She’s so different, that’s my little baby.
Your romantic math is easy to figure out because your romantic moves are more predictable than the end of a Tyler Perry movie. No matter if it’s a woman that comes to me for advice or one of the bros I know in real life, all it takes is someone new and intriguing to make them rush back into the battlefield. Waiting for someone that looks good to pop up on your radar is NOT the same as focusing on self! Today I want to help every man and woman who really needs to hit pause and get their head together, leave the game and better themselves the smart way before that eventual return to dating.
Impatience. Boredom. Fear.
You don’t have the patience to come home, put the phone down or turn the TV off, and be alone with your own thoughts. Sure, you can do it once or twice, but could you really meditate or do self-analysis about your past and present for 7 straight days let alone a month or two?
Being alone is boring. You need to gossip about others, talk shit about the people that hurt you, or point out what your ex is doing on social media or you start to fidget. Can you really go off the grid and hang out in your own head? Could you go out and enjoy your own company enough to eat or take in a movie alone? Are you able to focus on building your bank account or a network of people that could better your career goals, or will you quickly grow bored and need a “bae” to make it all worthwhile?
The fear of the person you just left being happy without you, finding someone before you do, or you never finding love again; that’s where the overthinking goes wild when you’re not distracting yourself with daily nonsense. You lay up at night, and you’re scared because your own mind is a sea of chaos. Self-doubt is more powerful than self-confidence in the mind of a person that’s just gone through a breakup. And it’s that self-doubt that will drive them to either go back to the hell the know or jump for the first option that comes with the possibility of validation.
You can’t be happy alone unless you kill all three of these weak traits.
For Those Coming Off A Breakup
[image error]Let Go – I don’t care if it was four years or four months, make like Elsa and let that shit go! If your relationship, situationship, or whatever had your heart in a vice, ended then I assume that you tried to make it work and did all the steps I listed in MDLWLY or for the fellas all the steps in She Ain’t It. If you couldn’t come back together and make it work or if there were too much bad blood to restart, accept that incompatibility as proof that you can’t always get what you want. “But how exactly? It’s so hard to let go when they keep reaching out.” Listen here you excuse making weakling… The reality is that you can block a number. You can ignore an email. You can keep walking in public. You can tell mutual friends not to invite you out when the ex has a chance of coming out too. If you have kids you can use a go-between to facilitate communication if you think you may get sucked back in. Name one thing that “forces” you to talk to someone you need out of your life. I’ll wait… Now use your evolved human brain to figure out a way to get through it. It’s not that you can’t let go, it’s that you don’t want to.
A young lady told me how she felt so strong and empowered from my writing that she cut her ex-boyfriend off for good. She had fallen into the trap of still having sex with him while pretending to be “working on self” and knew she was being stupid. Less than a week later, she was back in my inbox telling me how she relapsed. How? She unblocked him during a boring weekend, and he happened to text her—she saw that as a sign from above. I saw it as a sign that a nigga was shooting his shot because he couldn’t go out and get new pussy. She unblocked him because she was weak and lonely, and entertaining someone who disrespected her was better than being alone and horny on a Saturday night.
Your situationship guy fell back then comes hitting you back up—let go. The girl you thought you would marry before it fell apart reaches out on your birthday and wants to catch up—let go. Some asshole tries to guilt trip you like the break up was your fault, don’t take the bait and start talking to them to prove your point—let go! Even if you want to give that person a second chance one day, the smart move is to get some distance, breath, live, and THEN circle back to see if that second chance makes sense. Fuck your “but this but this but this,” excuses and deal with that pain and hurt of walking away. It’s difficult, it’s frustrating, it’s sad—but it’s mandatory! You have to want to get better, not just talk a good game then break when they reach out. You can do this, so prove it the next time they reach out.
Stop Stalking – My wife has a friend that would call her after a breakup like, “girl he was on Snap doing blah blah blah,” then the next day, “he was on IG posting blah blah blah.” Finally, I heard my wife fume, “Why do you even care?” I laughed my ass off. A true Spartan would never think to keep tabs on a person after a breakup, follow their moves, or gossip about their daily life. Basic Bitches can’t help but be consumed with stalking and talking. What’s it going to be for you? Are you going to wake up in the morning and check their social media, look at the new names liking or commenting, and then get back in your feelings? Are you going to call your friends and say silly shit like, “guess who was asking about me today,” so you can gossip like some bird? Are you going to remain Typical or are you going to rise above that young shit?
[image error]I wager 70% of you will continue to lurk because you need to know what your ex is doing. Maybe it’s because you want them back. Maybe because you want to compete. Maybe you’re waiting for Karma to catch up with them. Maybe it’s because you would be sick to your stomach if they popped up with a new girlfriend or boyfriend. Fuck your asinine reasoning! The more energy you put into the past, the more it drains your future waves. Yes, fellas, this includes you. Y’all dumbasses will unfollow and then refollow, accidentally hit like on a picture, and expose all your goofy because most don’t even know how to stalk as well as the ladies. Both sexes are guilty of passive-aggressive messiness. Is working on yourself code for = Stalking my ex until they reach out again? It feels that way. Kill the social media interaction. Avoid places where you know they frequent. Stop bringing it up to your friends. All the things you could be doing in your daily life, why waste that brain power playing detective? Are you really that hollow that you can’t think of anything to do with your free time than lurk a timeline? Are you really that boring that you must have the same old conversations about someone you pretend to be unbothered by? Are you that wealthy or established in your career that you can afford to spend even a minute of your focus on someone who isn’t adding to your bottom line? Pull down your fucking skirt, your insecurity is showing!
Go Inside, Every Day – I’ve noticed something in my travels. For all the new age books, crystals, vision boards, or whatever that a lot of you are into, many people don’t even know how to meditate. Literally, you can’t sit in a room alone and go inside your own head for 20 minutes. I’m not surprised because most can’t even properly shit unless they’re scrolling a timeline. This ADD way of living is the core of why you don’t get anywhere emotionally. You’re always talking, always reacting, always doing detective work. When do you have time to stand still and think? The key to being happy alone, and not just faking it, is to learn to become your own best friend, your own mentor, and your own therapist.
I want you to start with 15 minutes a day and build your focus until you can go for 20 or 30 minutes a day. Isolate yourself from other people, electronics, and your normal way of thinking. None of you are so busy that you can’t take time in the morning or at night before bed to sink into nothing. You don’t have to cross your legs or do some specific breathing exercise. Start by getting to the point where you can sit still for that first five minutes. If you have an idea, remember a bill that needs to be paid, or start fixating on not thinking, catch yourself, empty it out, and focus on the blackness of your closed eyelids. Don’t try to tap into some higher thought or figure out your problems. Just relax. Be nothing.
The next step is to ask yourself everything that’s hidden from the character you play. This isn’t about love advice, this is about life in general. Do you really like your parents? Do your current group of friends know the real you or just the mirage? What can’t you stand about your present life? What’s really making you mad when you get into moods? What deep secret are you holding in; did you steal when you were younger, cheat, lie? Is the job you’re at really what you want to be doing? Are you lazy? Are you fake? Are you sexually frustrated? Are you the type of person you would want to be friends with? Eventually, you’ll land on “why haven’t I found love.” In the privacy of your own head, where you can admit anything without penalty, it will be time to answer that with the truth, not the excuse. Replay this exercise at least five days a week. I guarantee you that by the third week you will have discovered stuff about yourself that will make you take ownership of your life choices.
[image error]No Date Zone – One of my favorite people told me that she was on fast from dating. It was the first time in four years she wouldn’t have a guy in her life on her birthday, and it was all planned out that way to give her time to reevaluate what she was doing versus what she wanted. It’s a brilliant concept. This isn’t being celibate or taking some fear-based vow, this is much more practical and scientific in its makeup. All the guys you date, even the ones that were good eggs, didn’t work out. What did they have in common? Why did you agree to be exclusive? What were the things that bothered you about them? What were the things that bothered them about you? The goal is to stop jumping into relationships just because it’s expected and ask yourself why do you even need a relationship at this point in your life? What can that person bring to your table? What path are you on, and is it better to be solo? Sex is great, having someone to talk about your day with is amazing, but those things aren’t more important than personal goals. Some lives revolve around other people making them happy, while others know that it’s about making self happy.
There’s nothing wrong with turning your nose up at the status quo of “You must have someone to be happy.” If anything, shrugging off this idea that you need external love, is necessary for developing emotional maturity. The old you, that weak chick that got stuck on crushes and took every rejection to heart will fade away once you realize it’s not that serious. That old you, the soft guy that always chose the wrong women will crumble once you realize that you don’t have to chase to attain. How do you start over? You don’t just pump your breaks, you park the car and fix all that crap built up under your hood.
Could you go on a romantic fast even in the face of pursuit by the type of people you would normally date? Is your discipline that strong that you could curve some T’Challa looking dude who approaches you? If not, here are a few tips: What do you do when someone tries to get your number? You take it, but you don’t use it. Put it in the “hey stranger” jar for possible use when you’re back in the game. What do you do when someone from the past who you always crushed on gets in contact with you? You keep it friendly but decline any social outing or attempt to creep into your life. Don’t be consumed with this thought of “what if this is the one.” You’re brainwashing yourself to go back out there before you’re ready under some superstitious ideology that opportunity only knocks once. If that person is the one for you, they’ll always be the one for you. A fast is a fast. No dating. No texting. No hanging out as if it’s not a date. Deal with what you need to. Heal. Live life free of the stress of relationships. Get your life in the order you want emotionally or financially. This could take a month, or it could take a year. Only you know how much time alone you truly need. The goal is to be disciplined enough to let what seems like a perfect pitch glide pass you. You can’t become clear of thought until you’re free of distractions and rid of this pressure to belong to someone.
For Those That Have Been Single For Too Long
[image error]Stop Being Bitter – Ever talk to someone that was single for a year or more? Hell, maybe you are that person who has been single for a year or more. Not to generalize, but most of the women who come to me fitting that description have horrible attitudes, negative dispositions, and they wear excuses like body lava. They know everything about dating and relationships, and in their opinion, everyone is playing games, all men cheat, all girls are hoes, and anyone that’s happy is fronting. When you question them on their own inability to find love, they point you to the city they live in full of bums. They point you to the type of women guys pick over them, “all these guys say they want someone real, but they chase after these Dr. Miami bitches.” They’re high opinionated about everything except for one-touch subject—their past. 9 out of 10 women who come to me for advice finally cave in and all that hot air deflates as I force them to tell me about their father who wasn’t there, that mother who put others before them, or the ex that had her looking stupid. That anger, that sour taste, that hate they spew under cover of “love is dumb,” is a shield meant to hide the fact that they can’t figure out why no one actually wanted them at any stage of life. No one will ever choose you for you. Think about that. It hurts. But it’s not true, and that’s what I need you Forever Single chicks to over-stand.
[image error]One girl would always write me about what her friend was doing and how dumb she was for not seeing through these fuck boys. I told her to drop her opinions about her friend and focus that shit inward because she and her BFF were one in the same. Both women were looking for validation because of rough childhoods, both women got excited anytime a new dick tried to date her, both women swore off love once they got fucked and ghosted. She wasn’t single because she was taking a break. She was single because unlike her friend, she stayed in the house most times, mean mugged when out, and didn’t have anyone willing to approach that toxic energy she was emitting. Whereas her friend was more carefree and extroverted. After I pointed that out, she snapped back with her size as a reason why men don’t approach her. See how deflection works? Her weight didn’t make her unattractive, her friend was just as big as she was, and was having success on that shallow level of being pulled. It was her disposition that made her ugly. I told her all of this, and she fell back from wanting my advice… until she ended up fucking some guy that was a new hire at work. Then she ran back to me crying about how he dogged her out and was now smashing some girl at work she hated.
Pop Quiz: Why was a woman like this who had been single for over three years so easy to be manipulated by the first new dick that winked at her? Answer: Because bitter people who have been single for too long don’t know shit. They theorize and give opinions about love, but when it comes to putting all that sass and bombastic wisdom to the test, they get exposed as just another love-starved Basica. They never worked on “self” they just hardened and embraced a negative outlook, and neither of those things are healthy ways to unlock the path to Spartanhood.
If you’re a woman who wags your finger, “tell men they need to stop playing so many games,” or if you’re a man that vents to the internet, “these bitches today need to be less shallow,” then you’ve already lost. People will always do what they want. The solution isn’t for Karma, God, or the fucking Easter Bunny to punish people into being nice, it’s for you to recognize the game and expose the real from the fake. You’re bitter because using your brain to expose people’s intentions is too much work for your lazy ass. You’re too tired to put in work, so you choose to stay single. The irony is that you will run into someone that wants something from you and once again be too lazy to even test their agenda. If you’re a woman, it’s most likely pussy or money. If you’re a man, it’s most likely attention or money. Your bitter hibernation didn’t smarten you up to the hustle, you just folded your arms. Life is a game! You can’t NOT play it, so get that stick out of your ass, fix your funky attitude, and smarten up to how to WIN, not how to complain.
[image error]Take Responsibility – You’re not single because of your city. You’re not single because of your looks. You’re not single because all men are immature assholes, or all women are looking for 7-foot rich guys. No matter if you’re a man that thought he did everything right or a woman who held a man down, you have to stop throwing yourself a pity party. You picked the wrong person. Fact. You either knew they were wrong for you or missed signs and found out the hard way. Fact. You can either dwell in your past or move into the future with a better understanding of what happened. Fact! Taking responsibility doesn’t mean you admit that everything’s your fault, stop being so dense. Taking responsibility is about regaining ownership of your life to take control of your future. When you sit around and point point point, what does that do? The milk is spilled, the damage is done, and moving forward all you’ll do is look back to how you were done dirty and use it to excuse your current lack of success. Are you that person that cries about being fired from a job and points to that as the reason why you can’t get hired right now or are you that person that laughs about being fired from a job because it led to you getting something better? It’s all about your outlook.
I have a buddy that got herpes from her ex-boyfriend. They were together for years, it wasn’t perfect, but it was good most of the times. She had no idea that her “man” would bring something back to her. They broke up, and she came to me with a positive spin on how she was going to move forward. He was a flawed man. She knew he had holes in his character. She ignored them and accepted him. “GL, that was my mistake for spending all that time with a man who acted sketchy more than once.” Some of you would probably sink into a deep depression and swear off love… you would literally allow someone to put a stop to your life. This woman didn’t, she took that hand she was dealt, and rebuilt herself. She’s now happily married with a man who accepted her for who she was. That’s power, that’s maturity, that’s a fucking Spartan. You get knocked down, you don’t cry about fairness, you internalize how you got knocked down, grow wiser, and move into that next chapter with a positive mindset that you will do better this time around.
[image error]Kill the Old You: Meditate. Ask those deep questions I outlined above. Most importantly, switch your POV so you can embrace real change. Unlike those that are coming off a breakup and retain some form of optimism, eternally single people have this wall of negativity built up towards life. It’s not just love, being unhappy and alone has jaded you towards damn near every subject. You’re like a walking one-star Yelp review, that’s how salty you’ve allowed yourself to become. The solution is to try on the POV of Appreciation. Be thankful! Instead of pointing out everything wrong in this world, look at it like Drizzy and Future: What a time to be alive! When you go to work and get annoyed, mellow yourself, and switch to that POV. When you see something that reminds you of how somebody did you dirty in a past relationship and just want to punch something, switch to that POV. Positive thinking, like meditation, is hard to master because few know how to do it. Stop trying to force happy thoughts and look on the bright side of “thanks.” That inner hater will starve if you do this consistently for a month. That mean mug you put on will soften. The energy you’re projecting to strangers and friends will improve. By the end of the month, you will then be able to look back and see that all that frustration and anger was pointless. The POV of Appreciation is your Phoenix Force, it will resurrect the part of you that the world buried.
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The Typical Path
You’re going to keep giving a person that fucked you over or who proved they weren’t compatible your time to waste… again and again: Humans hate to feel as though they lost, were rejected or didn’t get the last word. You will run back to the last person you were with to pacify your ego. They haven’t changed. You haven’t changed. So, what’s changed? Nothing! You promise to do better, or they promise to improve on the things that lead to the breakup. The first few weeks you both will be on your best behavior, then like cheap paint, it peels off, revealing the truth of your relationship: You’re both the same incompatible people. You point the finger that they didn’t change. They return fire, saying it’s not them, it’s you that keeps doing the same things as before. Now you both are locked into an argument about who is ruining the relationship. Why did you go back before making any personal gains? Why did you give them a second chance before testing to see if they had truly learned and evolved? Because typical people don’t listen to advice, they don’t work on themselves, they wait, get bored, and rush right back into the fire.
You’re going to end up settling for someone that happens to be in your face at the right time and live to regret it: If it isn’t an ex, it’ll be your next, that proves that you’re too stubborn to ever win at life. You didn’t meditate, you didn’t switch your POV, you didn’t poke around your own head to understand why your life is the way it is, all you did was go to work, watch Netflix, and fill up your Amazon Wishlist. What you call working on yourself, is just living as a single person. All the holes that you need to be filled are still there, and you don’t even address it, even after I just laid all this stuff out. You know how to adult… you got this… then the reality hits you that you’re not happy alone. You see someone get married, a couple out having fun, or an ex finally move on and your mask shatters. The next person that catches your eye will win you over by doing the bare minimum because they’re at the right time and right place. They will play games, manipulate, or expose their incompatibilities after the honeymoon period dies out. You won’t go anywhere because you remember what being single felt like. You said you were cool, but you were lonely as fuck. You’ll stay, you’ll make it work, you’ll front to friends, family, and the internet like you’re in paradise. But I know the truth. You settled for a relationship that will eventually turn to shit because you did zero work while you were single.
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The Enlightened Path
Being single can be the best thing to ever happen to your mental health if you spend that time addressing all the things you need to work on as opposed to dwelling on past relationships or anticipating future ones. Is your money right? Are your career goals being met? Are you actually having fun in life or are you living just to pay bills and waste time online? The lie you’ve been sold is that you need someone else to come into your world and make your life better by loving you unconditionally. External love is often fleeting and rarely unconditional, people give and take their love away, and you have no control over that. Focus on being great enough for you, not good enough for some flavor of the week! Stop using the time between relationships to sit on your ass and complain, and start to constructively build the kind of life you want to be living regardless of who is or isn’t in it. The right person will always come into your life at the right time, but you’re so wrapped up in waiting for them that you’re neglecting the fact that you aren’t yet right in your own life. Stop talking about your aspirations, stop over-planning your next move, stop with any excuse that has you standing still instead of moving forward. Spoiler Alert: Working on yourself, takes actual work! There is nothing that can hold you back from rebounding from a bad breakup. Trust issues, low self-esteem, past betrayals, present hopelessness, the fear of a future where you’ll always be alone–You can beat all of those things once you master emotional maturity! Help yourself to heal by giving yourself the proper time to heal. Follow the examples used above, awaken your inner Spartan, and only when you feel renewed and empowered by all the things you learned and achieved while focused on self-improvement, should you get back into the dating pool as that New You.
Thanks for reading Surviving Single – How To Be Happy Alone
March 6, 2018
What Do They Bring To The Table – The Power of Being High Maintenance
Her: My ex was virtually homeless, worked 12 hours a week at a job a 16-year-old could do, and I still had his back. After 19 months he told me that it wasn’t going to work. Can you please write about how men don’t know the value of a good woman until it’s too late because now he’s starting to hit me back up?
Me (a week later): Did you ever respond to this ex?
Her: Never mind. We’re taking it slow and seeing how it goes.
Me: If you have so much value then why are you back with a homeless dude?
Her: *ignores DM*
Are women forced to date bums, losers, and various other struggle men due to a real lack of options, is it a case of these men selling themselves as more than what they really are, or is what can a man bring to the table not a prerequisite for your love? In your own life, are you checking to see if a man has a pot to piss in before you date him seriously or is money, success, and all that jazz not as important as a man’s heart? Money isn’t everything, fact. A poor guy can treat you just as bad as a rich guy, but if you’re going to go through the growing pains of a relationship why would you want it to be with a man that doesn’t bring anything to your life other than dick and conspiracy theories?
[image error]The majority of relationship problems stem from finances. No matter if you’re a woman with a little or a lot, the odds are that if you join with a man who doesn’t have shit, the arguments will be more frequent than with someone who is stable in his career. That woman above who DM’d me, had an ex-boyfriend who most likely broke up with her because he got tired of feeling judged and nagged for his lack of funds. The real reason women get stuck dealing with the Have-Nots is that they’re painfully low-maintenance in the beginning. They want to be that “let’s eat wings and walk around the park,” cool chick that men claim to love. Then, as they get comfortable, they realize they do want the traditional romantic treatment as well. Every February I see a spike in women coming to me for advice. Why? Because the guys they’ve been fucking, sucking, and cuffing don’t get them shit for V-Day. It shouldn’t take a holiday for you to recognize that you want more and he’s not in a position to give it. While people claim money doesn’t matter, it does. Your attitude towards that man and his attitude towards you will turn hostile after months or years of realizing that you will never get treated, tricked on, or spoiled like other women who aren’t half the catch you are.
WHAT IF THIS WERE THE BAR: Only date providers. Only enter into relationships with providers. That way if it does stand the test of time you already know you’re marrying a provider. Even if you can provide for yourself, isn’t that a smart way to ensure that your future isn’t a struggle?
[image error]When you’re young, you can afford to grow together, but when you’re a woman in her mid-twenties on up with amazing things going for herself, why talk to guys who can’t match you step by step? Don’t deflect with “in my city there’s only broke dudes” because statistically, that’s impossible. Don’t deflect with “men lie about what they have,” because all that tells me is that you don’t date properly or vet their lifestyle. And don’t deflect with this idea that you have to be shooting in the gym with a man. This isn’t an inquisition against men who are preparing for the Bar exam or entrepreneurs who are actively working towards something, this is about YOU dealing with men inching towards 30, or over that mark, who still don’t know what they want to do with their lives. A hard working man on the come-up, is not the same as a bum looking for a come up. Yet, you confuse the man that’s working and saving money towards his business with one that simply has a business idea. These guys know what sounds good, and they will lie to you like they’re one meeting away from making it big. It’s all a hustle! If every woman decided not to fuck a man unless he had something, men would step their game up. The reason they don’t is because so many ladies cave instead of risk the dick. Even a poor man, an inconsistent man, abusive man, or plain old average man is better than being a single woman…it’s time to unlearn that lie.
In honor of the release of the Ho Tactics: Savage Edition Book & Audio Book (yes there’s finally an audio version –> http://bit.do/HoTactic-Book, sorry for the wait) I want to delve into the concept of value. How is it that there are women who constantly date down living in the same cities as women who do nothing but date men of stature? Are you two going to different parts of the same town? Is your eye-fuck flirting not as strong as hers? Do you even go outside? They manage to find ballers no matter if it’s in Detroit, Tampa, or Boulder and some of you can’t even find a man in New York or LA? Value. Each one of you prides yourself on having standards, in theory, but in practice do you demand your worth?
To become your boyfriend, takes what?
To get you to open up about your life, takes what?
To get you to spread your legs open and let him inside of you, takes what?
[image error]Think back to the last guy you dealt with and what he ACTUALLY did to win any of those things from you? Your Pussy isn’t Bitcoin it’s Blockbuster Video. These men talk to you like you’re priceless, but treat you like you’re worthless. Most of you fuck for the cost of one or two dates. Even more of you allow a man to become your boyfriend by simply asking after a few weeks or a month. When it comes to lowering your guard, I wager that 90% of you tell a stranger all your business the first time you hang out. I bet there are men who can check some of you with, “I fucked her and didn’t even have to take the bitch out,” “I fucked her, and all it cost me was a quarter tank of gas and a $40 dinner bill” or “I fucked her and ended up getting money out of her”. We as men know that you women lie about the imaginary shit you need for us to get you open because we’ve all run through girls that bragged but didn’t back it up. The girl that makes out at the bar with the first cute guy that flirts with her claims she has value. The girl that lets a guy smoke her out then suck her breast claims she has value. The girl that lets her boyfriend borrow money and never gets it back claims she has value. Where do you fall in this house of lies? Are you the girl that claims she has Pussy Power then gets used or are you one that proves it every day she walks out of the house? The receipts prove that most are Typicals that talk about what a man SHOULD bring to the table but lets him in your house even when he comes empty-handed.
Afraid of Your Power
[image error]There was a viral story that broke about a woman who went on a normal dinner date with one guy then went off on vacation with another man she was dating the next week. This so-called “vacation date” rubbed two crowds the wrong one—The Come Over and Chill guys & The I Don’t Get Offered Dates ladies. As the day progressed, dozens of women came forth that they too had gotten Vacation Dates, which led to the broke men slut-shaming and the undervalued women throwing shade. Yes, there are women out there who get luxury dates that women in actual relationships will never get. Yes, there are men out there who don’t mind spending thousands of dollars to court a woman he’s not going to have sex with anytime soon. If that seems shocking or unbelievable than you’re on the wrong side of history! Right now, in the privacy of your own mind, admit the truth. You would love to deal with a man that’s not only handsome but can afford to treat you to nice things. That’s a fact. Yet, you downplay this want and hold onto this idea that you don’t need that kind of man because you’re not a gold digger. Who the fuck is talking about digging for gold or using someone? Men give, these women aren’t taking. If your mind goes there, that tells me you’ve been conditioned to see value as a bad thing. The conversation has been hijacked by the broke and angry males who can’t give that, yet still, want to have someone like you on their arm. They poison the well, and you continue to drink from it until you convince yourself, “I’m not money hungry, so go ahead and fuck me while we watch Black Mirror and drink Henny.” Does being easy to fuck swell you with pride? Does dealing with a man who won’t even bring you a warm rag after sex, make you feel independent? You’re getting finessed out of proper treatment because you’re afraid to ask for more!
Wanting to be taken out, expecting a man to pay for dates, or needing to be courted with old-school romance, doesn’t make you any less of an independent woman. Dating multiple guys until you decide which one is right, calling men out for lack of consistency, walking away the moment you see he isn’t measuring up, doesn’t make you too picky, it makes you smart. Too many women foolishly lower their standards so they can come off as attainable to men who don’t have shit. Wakanda is forever, and so is that nigga’s 500 range credit score! For all this talk about respect and being woke, why are you disrespecting your future by dealing with unambitious men who tell you what they can do for you but never show it? I get it… You like a certain type, you only get approached by a certain type, you don’t live in a nice area, so you’re a victim of limited options. Bullshit! You choose what kind of men you date, they aren’t kidnapping you. So, what’s really going on? The myth that a Good Woman takes what she’s given and shouldn’t ask for more is brainwashing. You give guys with three kids by three different women a chance at your heart because you were told to judge a person by their heart, not their past. You’re so understanding of today’s economy that you allow yourself to be dated cheaply or even pitch in when the bill comes. In a relationship, you hold a financially irresponsible dude down because you were raised to be loyal to the struggle, not loyal to your own ascension. Ask yourself, who benefits from this unselfish tradition of being a man’s doormat? Not you!
Love or Stupidity?
“I don’t need all of that fancy stuff, I’m cool with chilling in the car and talking.” Basicas buy into the concept that being low maintenance is the way to land the man of her dreams…the catch-22 is that in her dreams the man does more for her than pass the blunt and try to suck her neck in a Honda. Furthermore, we as men rarely covet women that make it easy for us to have them. “All I need is love,” types always get burnt. Always! Ms. GoodGood has her own money, her own place, and her own car. Therefore she can hold babe down and help lift him up. We all know these types of women, they sacrifice for a man, cry about how they aren’t appreciated, it crumbles, then they repeat the cycle with the next fix-a-dick that talks her dumb ass out of her coins. No matter what advice you give them, they keep getting put in the position where they take care of grown ass men all because he drops the L word.
[image error]I don’t put the blame on women, our society lies from the time they’re little girls, convincing them that they must bring something to the table to get a man of equal or higher value. Blac Chyna can’t even suck a dick properly, but she’s made 10x more money than Superhead because the shit men have promoted as “must-haves” is fraudulent. The women that don’t give a fuck about what men say they want and give a man what she wants him to have will always win. Your crush praises your “independent” streak over the girls that are talking about $200 dates, but that’s all it is—hollow praise. Your “friend” loves how down to earth you are, like one of the boys, but he’ll pass you up for a boujee chick in a heartbeat. Ever wonder why this mindset of “I got you bae” always results in women attracting bums? It’s because users are the only males that chase that. Real men don’t want your Girl Boss ass, they want a Queen who still likes to be spoiled like a Princess because men of real means love to take care of women not be taken care of by women. A friend of mine stopped returning this guy’s texts after they went on three dates. Finally, she replies that she felt insulted that she’s gone this long without having flowers sent to her job. Guess what he did. He sent the flowers! Men bend to the will of women who dare to ask for more! You don’t try this, so you don’t know how well it works!
[image error]Guys want that fancy girl, the hosidity chick, that unattainable prize who walks like she shits gold, and while they come around and use you for pussy, money, or comfort, you’re never going to spark his heart in the same way a challenging woman does. Forget what these fools tell you or what they post online and look at what they chase! It’s not about looks, it’s about attitude. Stop doubling down on this idea that you need to show a man that you can do everything on your own, and allow them to see that side of you that dictates you be treated like royalty not regular. When you come off like you don’t need anything but his love, he’ll exploit that, not appreciate it. He’ll take advantage of your giving nature while doing the bare minimum. Then when he grows bored, or you start asking for too much in return, he’ll ghost you.
I’ve seen this pattern over a hundred times: Take the independent woman’s money and give it to the high maintenance girl to show her he’s a baller. Proof that this man was never above spoiling women. Take the Good Girl’s car and go pick up his other chick that doesn’t drive. Proof that he was never looking for a woman that had her life in order. Finally, he will take all that “we’re in this together” love you showered him with and throw it away to try and chase a girl who won’t even text him back. Proof that he doesn’t want unconditional love, he wants to love on his own terms. This isn’t to say, don’t have your own shit, don’t be nice to men, blah blah blah. I want you all to understand that you’re playing by the rules of a rigged game. That you’ve been conditioned to be so low maintenance that it’s now hurting your shot at getting what you really want—a truly equal partner who can add value to your life as opposed to dragging you down.
Rule #5 Be Picky:
Your friends will tell you that if you don’t lower your standards, you will end up a cat lady. They’re being extra and probably trying to break you down to their level, so you can fuck and suck on the same low-vibrational men they deal with. When you’re a woman 25+ and your aim is no longer sitting on the face of cute boys, but trying to build with someone of substance, you have to be stuck up. What do YOU need to see from a man? Write a list out. I’m not talking about shit like height, hair length, or what month he has to be born in to match with your sign. I’m talking about real tangible things that you need to see in a man that could one day graduate to be your husband.
*He must have a car if he lives in a city that calls for one.
*If you don’t have kids, then don’t deal with a man that has multiple.
*If he makes the same mistake twice, don’t forgive again, move on
*Making time for you and his own life is a must, no “too busy” excuses
*Even if you only make $15 an hour, don’t give your pussy away to someone earning the same or less.
*You can’t do anything with a man that lives in a basement or sleeps on a couch.
Those are only examples of how you should construct your list. I don’t know what your wants and standards are, you do, so populate your list with your personal must-haves. A 26-year-old grad student’s list will be different from that of a 37-year-old divorced mother, but no matter what level you’re on, that list should make it hard for the average guy to get past the first date with you let alone EARN a relationship. Love yourself so fucking hard that these men know that they can’t approach you on some bullshit. Stop saying “I’m not average,” and start proving it! Your nose should be so high in the air that a man without shit won’t even use the number you give him because he knows he’s outclassed. Let these thirsty chicks throw box at every cute guy with a beard, your pussy doesn’t even get wet for that young shit—where’s his bag? What does he do at work, where does he live and with who… These are the things you discover after you exchange numbers or on the first date. Doesn’t matter if they’re nice, if they have a sob story for their situation, or if you feel an instant connection; look at your list, then look at his life. If he doesn’t measure up—pass on him.
Rule #4 You Aren’t Harriet Tubman:
[image error]This section is dedicated to women of color because I’ve seen first hand how cultural guilt fucks over women that could have done so much better. Some black women only date within their race and even more only date within their community. Straight A Jazmine went off to college, then ran back to the hood and got pregnant by GED Kevin. Not because he was the cutest guy she ever met in her travels but because he was comfortable, and she felt it was her duty to be with a brother from her hood. Yes, black men, more than any other race of males has the hardest uphill battle, but these choices aren’t based on dude being the same color. Randy the nerd that was a black kid that was also in college with you, but you blew him off. Phil, the male nurse, was from the projects and put himself through nursing school, yet you dismissed him as a cornball. Even the brother who you couldn’t find anything wrong with, you passed on and listed it under, “he just didn’t have that swag I like.” The excuse of “only black men get me,” is a cover-up. Many of you choose specific types of black men, often those that never even tried to make it out of their surroundings or still act and talk like they’re teenagers. Do you think a dose of your pussy is going to inspire him to go back to school? You think sucking his dick with that mouth that speaks proper English is going to make him give up his mixtape dreams? Is moving him into your condo going to be as impactful as taking a knee for the anthem? Fuck no!
In the end, you’re not doing it for the culture, you’re doing it because you feel a man like that needs you and will appreciate you more than those more successful black, white, Asian, or Latino men who are also on the market for you to soul snatch. Stop masking it with race, and just admit that you’re afraid. Going back down and snatching Kevin from hoodrat TeeTee seems like an easy victory… until Kevin ends up fucking TeeTee behind your back and giving you whatever she was carrying. I’m emailed at least one of these stories every week. Successful and educated women who shouldn’t be in the midst of hood drama are firmly cemented in it because they felt a need to lower their dating standards for some fake cause. You were smart enough to excel academically and professionally, so be confident in your ability to win over any man no matter what socio-economic class he’s on. Upgrade your taste!
Rule #3 You Always Have Options: [image error]
I get it, you are high class, you do have standards, but you don’t have options, so you entertain the first guy that tries to get at you. It’s not that you want to go on his uninspired date offer, it’s that you’re bored, so why not? I smell bullshit…is that you Basica? A woman always has options that are more varied than she makes them out to be. It’s the power of your limited mind creating a reality where the only guys that come up and talk to you are the low men on the totem pole. When I say go and talk to guys first, you respond with, “I don’t see any cute ones.” But if one of those “not that cute” boys were to speak first, you would talk to him… see how your logic collapses on itself? Stop being afraid to be alone, stop thinking you can’t do better than that goofy guy who gives you dry texts and weak dick, stop settling in general! There is nothing wrong with you that you can’t pull quality men into your universe. Be proactive. That ensures that you will always be able to pull a man that isn’t the same as the typical ones that approach you. Be prepared. That readies you to engage and wow a top shelf man that girls usually freeze around. Be positive! That dictates that even when you’re not looking for love, love will find you because the glow of being happy alone is magnetic!
Rule #2 The World Is Yours:
When a male marginalizes a woman as if she’s just one fish in the sea, it’s a mindfuck that keeps womankind in place. It dictates that you humble your ambitions and be grateful to have that man because he can always go and get a younger and prettier you, while you will struggle to find someone even half as great. It’s a prison made of lies that too many ladies lock themselves into. Every single adult male has lied or exaggerated to get with a woman or paid directly or indirectly to sleep with a woman. If you were so ordinary, so easy to get, then why do men risk family, fortune, and well-being to have you? Because they know like I know that women are the greatest thing ever created and have this scary power to make even the most logical of us weak at the knees.
[image error]List the irrational things men do in pursuit of women: A) cheat on their girlfriends and risk it all for a swim in a woman he barely knows or who isn’t even that cute. B) Have sex with a girl who openly admits she has an STD. C) Trick expensive gifts that he can’t even afford. Ladies, you can’t just ignore the extremes men go through for women or brush it off as just a few thirsty apples—all men have done something illogical in pursuit of a woman. This secret has to be guarded by the “Bros” because no man wants to admit how much he’s at the mercy of women. That’s why we have slut-shaming to keep the bold ones in check, why using reverse psychology on girls is learned early on, and why we pit women against each other. You aren’t going to date multiple men—because slut shaming has you feeling guilty for even considering it. You aren’t going to go anywhere even when a man disrespects you—because the idea that some other woman is going to replace you is scary. You will parrot what men say to shame your sisters—because that’s how the world of man has trained you. It’s like that scene in The Color Purple, this world is dependent on men like Mister telling men like Harpo to beat a woman back down in place, and at that moment women like Celie will nod along because misery loves company!
This is your world! No matter what your history is, you must wake up tomorrow with the mindset that you can have whatever you go after. You weigh close to 200 pounds—you can still get a man. You have a reputation around town—you can still get a man. You aren’t traditionally pretty—you can still get a man. You were diagnosed with HPV or HSV—you can still get a man. You are only limited by your imagination and willingness to go out and talk a good game. Name something you see as a negative, and I can tell you a real-life example of someone I’ve come across who made it into a win. Stop being your own worse enemy and start cheering yourself on.
Rule #1 You Are the Fucking Table!
Why do some women have all the luck? They get multiple men trying to give them the world, they don’t get toyed with, and even when they slip up, they don’t crumble or run back to their abusers like you have been guilty of doing. Luck is a false concept. Those women aren’t lucky, they’re conscious. The day that you realize that you don’t have to do shit to make a man chase but be unapologetically you is the day your love life changes. I can’t expect a man with money and success because I’m still working on me. Do you really think the Universe works like that? Look around at real life and show me where there is a balance of equals pairing off with equals. For every Jay-Z and Beyoncé, you can point to, there are 1000x more couples like Robert Kraft and his girlfriend. Every vacation resort I’ve taken my wife to has an insane amount of old wrinkly dudes with super-hot young wives, so kill this noise that you can’t be a hostess at Olive Garden and end up with a CEO. Furthermore, having more than the average man doesn’t mean you will only find men that resent your success. That’s the lie you tell yourself to remain comfortable dating the same revolving door of dicks.
Your thoughts create your reality, and the reality you have created is that you need to be at a certain level financially to find love or happiness. You’ve been told for so long that you don’t deserve shit unless you earn it, that you’ve subconsciously created a reality where you keep pushing your “blessings” away from you because you don’t feel you deserve them. You could have everything you desire if you got out of your own way and stopped limiting your power as a creator. You tell yourself that you can’t go and tap that guy on the shoulder until you lose a few more pounds, already projecting that you think this man is shallow. You tell yourself that you aren’t getting back into the dating game until you finish up your degree because heaven knows that NO man has ever gotten into a relationship with a woman that didn’t have a masters. You date down, resolved to your position in life as just another basic woman from a basic place that can only get basic men. You have manifested a life of “wait until after,” or “why even try,” scenarios. Meanwhile, other women are thriving because they take life by the balls and squeeze.
[image error]If you embrace your True self and stop limiting your mind with counter-thoughts, there may be a period where you will have to be alone until your new way of living rewrites the old. But It’s temporary. You all fear the temporary and are obsessed with now now now, and that’s why you keep creating that chaotic shit soup you call “life.” Love-sick women will always bury their power and live mediocre lives with men they settled for. Do you want to be at the mercy of men or do you want to reign over them? A Goddess trusts in the world that she’s constantly creating with her thoughts. She will have risen to the level where “what if” and overthinking has been drowned out by confident thoughts of “it will happen.” She knows she will eventually end up with what she set out to get and doesn’t impatiently break while waiting for it to manifest. Are you a Goddess or are you a desperate woman that just wants some little boy to love her and doesn’t care what he brings to her table? A life of raising a man that doesn’t know how to be a man. A life of not being appreciated. A life of waiting on tax returns to hit your bank account because you don’t have a partner who can help you grow, you have a partner that keeps you paycheck to paycheck. That’s your future if you continue to aim low or not aim at all… You can be the typical good-hearted woman that isn’t picky and takes on any man brave enough to shoot his shot, or you can ascend to Godhood. If all you’ve gotten out of this is “find a man with a good enough bank account” you’ve missed the point. This isn’t about men, it’s about knowing your value and pushing yourself to get what you deserve. This is YOUR world, the same way you’ve let your confused and fearful mind create these inconsistent results, Spartan Up, and use that power to create one where you win now and forever…
The Hidden Rule: Know the Game
“The lion cannot protect himself from traps, and the fox cannot defend himself from wolves. One must therefore be a fox to recognize traps, and a lion to frighten wolves.” – Machiavelli
People will try to test you to see if you are gold or merely gold plated. Men will wear masks and look for a flaw in you no matter if you’re at the talking stage, dating stage, or in a relationship… To help get you started here’s a Free Sample of the brand-new updated Ho Tactics book—> Click Here To Download
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Paperback Version with Bonus Chapter- Click Here
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Thanks for reading What Do They Bring To The Table – The Power of Being High Maintenance
February 8, 2018
Why Won’t He Let Go?
“I’ve been dating (fucking) this guy for the better part of two years. Yes, you read that correctly. Recently it’s come to a point where I must walk away. I know he sees this other girl. Although we are not exclusive, it irks me that he is doing the most to win her over (tricking so hard) when he has never even taken me on a sit down to eat date. NC, I was going through this man’s phone at 4 in the morning and started crying. Not because of what he wrote to this other girl or the thirsty DMs he sends daily to random bitches on Instagram. I was crying because I am a 28-year-old woman sitting on the bathroom floor of a man’s one bedroom apartment that he shares with his cousin, trying to gather evidence to leave him when I’m not even with him. Your girl is Basica Alba on steroids, and it would be funny if it were not so tragic. Last week after I told him I needed time away, he stepped his affection up. He even came to pick me up from work with flowers, a first in 20 months of knowing him. He calls me his rock, his inspiration, his best friend. I am far from stupid. He doesn’t mean it. Still, a huge chunk of me still has hope. My question to you is why is he doing this? I have friends who have also been through similar situations so it’s not all about me. Why don’t men let go so we can go off and be free and happy? In my case he has another girl he’s dating, he also has girls at work that I know like him, so why me? What makes me so special that he can’t let me go and just be with one of those other women? I want to be free of this but it’s impossible when he refuses to release his grip.”
[image error]No matter how much I touch on this topic, it always pops back up—If He Doesn’t Want A Relationship Why Won’t He Let Me Go? Let’s backtrack. At what point do women sell their souls to these men, first date…second date…day after sex…? Is this contract written in blood or glitter ink? Is it notarized? Does your pussy get micro-chipped? Is there a FindMyBottomBitch App that tracks you down the moment you dare to smile at another nigga? No! There is no transfer of power from you to any man, you’re not his property, you’re a grown ass woman who is always free to come and go as she pleases. The problem isn’t that the man won’t let you go, the problem is that you keep looking for reasons to stay. Be honest, you don’t want another man. You don’t want to get to know someone new. You definitely don’t want to see him move on. The reason you stay after each bullshit ultimatum or hollow breakup is that you are afraid to start over. The devil you know takes you for granted, talks down to you, and is one drunken night from coming back and bringing you an STD, but you convince yourself he’s better than the devil you don’t know.
You’re not a victim, you’re a coward. You have the power of choice, right? You can open your mouth and tell him to fuck off every time he reaches out. You can block his number and unfriend him from every social media app. Even if he manages to sneak in an email or message, you can choose not to read it. Even if he shows up at your steps, you can choose not to open the door. Name an excuse and I will name a solution! Yet, here you are running off at the mouth about—he won’t leave me alone. There is something called a restraining order that works wonders, ask Karrueche. “It’s not that serious, I don’t need to do that” exactly because you know you’re exaggerating! He’s not really going above and beyond to stay in your life, he’s doing the basics, and you eat it up. You take a man calling or reaching out through an app after you tell him to stay away as this epic endeavor. The nigga didn’t drive 300 miles and then climb through your window, he typed on his phone while bored at work or sitting on his toilet—stop making his attempt to get you back seem so extraordinary!
[image error]These men don’t leave you alone because they know you’re full of shit. Every man reading this that’s slept with at least 10 women knows that 9 out of 10 of those women were emotionally dishonest. Girls hide their true feelings better than Kylie Jenner hid that baby. Why? Because you don’t want to be vulnerable. Bottle it up, put on a front, but we both know internally you’re a mess. I’m not some average chick that sits around crying over a boy—your mouth isn’t matching your actions! You hate to let a man know that he owns your heart and has control of your brain. You hate the fact that you allowed a flawed man who doesn’t even want you to crawl under your skin and hijack your common sense. You hate yourself for becoming the typical chick that you used to make fun of when you were younger. The combination of dick, attention, and unaddressed childhood issues have convinced you that you’re a puppet on a man’s string, helpless to escape when you have the power to cut those strings anytime you feel.
Baby, please don’t go. You know I love you. Leave then, I don’t need you. Hey, just checking in to say I miss you… Is he Gaslighting you, of course, that’s what ain’t shit men do. Yet, when you confront him and ask him to let you go, you prove that you’re no longer in the dark. You are conscious that a man is using manipulation to guilt you into staying and isn’t above all sorts of push-and-pull reverse psychology tactics. Nevertheless, you entertain him long after you figure out his hustle. I’m not trying to place this blame on the women, no one asks to be manipulated. “Then tell your fellow man to fall back and leave us alone,” that won’t save you. A man will always be an opportunist until he’s matched against a woman that stands her ground. This isn’t a one-off problem. If one man smells the weakness in you, the next one will, and the cycle will repeat until you’re in your late 30’s and broken beyond repair. How do you Spartan Up right now and kill these feelings that keep you chained to excuse making? You reverse engineer the brainwashing.
There’s so many women other women…
[image error]That guy who always argues with you could leave and go find a woman who doesn’t work his nerves. That long distance bae could easily find a local woman in his city and stop blowing up your phone. If all he wants from you is sex, then why doesn’t he go on plenty of fish and find some thirsty jump off to bust it open? I hope those of you that have read this site for years or picked up any of my book wouldn’t be this ignorant towards male psychology. Have I failed you or are you just bad at reading comprehension? Listen! Getting headache free sex or having someone at your beck and call isn’t as common as you would like to believe. In your imagination you think because you’re a sucker for him that other women would do the same. You see girls flirting with him or see his popularity online and feel that he has his pick of them. Women are teases, they hunt for attention, and contrary to popular belief, even the ones that thirst trap can and will reject a man you think of as some kind of god. Not every girl is going to be as easy to get as you were or as quick to put up with his inconsistent ways as you do. The narrative you’re trying to paint when you bring other women into the equation is this: He can have other women, but he’s still hanging around me despite his complaints so there has to be something deeper between us. Ha!
[image error]I once gave advice to a woman who dated an actor on one of those network TV shows that only people over 50 watch. The dating stage was cool, then once sex was introduced that’s all it became. Her hopes of being Mrs. Kinda-famous TV Actor went out of the window, and she found herself as Just Pussy. Her question was like most, “there are so many women who would sleep with a man that has his looks and his money, why does he keep coming to me?” Because you’re convenient! It’s ironic given that men are notorious for cheating when in an official relationship, but when they’re single with a FWB they’re not as inspired to go out pussy hunting. During a relationship, he’s chained, so new pussy becomes a goal, an emancipation of sorts. But when he’s not tied to a woman, there is no cabin fever motivation. Sure he’ll fuck something that falls into his lap, but he’s not actively pursuing it. Some of you mistake a man being content with a man being satisfied, “We’re not official, but he’s not sleeping with anyone else that means I’m doing something right,” oh Basica, your Ego remains larger than your IQ. Those other women you think he can go get are not guaranteed but guess who is—your ditsy ass. He fucked you after a few weeks, he doesn’t have to impress you with dates, he knows he doesn’t have to come with A1 dick or even make you cum half the time, he knows you won’t ask him questions, you bark but never bite, and he’s comfortable with that arrangement. Don’t confuse comfort with love, you are valuable in the same way an Alexa is when you need to turn on the lights, as a convenience, not a necessity. Lazy men don’t let go because it’s cheaper to kiss your ass and put you back in your place. You’re a trained dog. You know the real him, the flawed side of him, the asshole side of him, and you still stick around—it’s not about other women at all—it’s about power. He has power over you already, so why risk that with a woman who may not beg and roll over for him?
He Doesn’t Want You
[image error]You want to believe that a man who doesn’t let go of you, one who keeps calling, texting, or reaching out after you told him it’s over is showing you his true feelings—that he loves you and would hate to lose you. Common sense tells you he would have treated you better if he really wanted you, and that all his feeble attempts are him reacting to being told he can’t have something. That silly little romantic inside of you cancels out this common sense. You want to believe the apology he texts, the tears he brings out when on the phone, and that the effort he is now showing is the true him. Two sides of your mind go to war, and in your confusion, you are looking for someone to say, “He won’t let you go because it’s true love, go back to him, give it a shot.” You want permission to be basic because that absolves you of your mistakes. He doesn’t love you, he barely even likes you, he keeps you in his pocket because insecure men always need someone weaker to rule over to feel better about their own lives. He wants the physical, he wants the comfort, he wants the ability to pick you up and put you down when he’s done, but he doesn’t want you in the all encompassing way a man in love wants his Game Changer.
I’m dating a man who won’t give me a clear answer on what we are…
I’ve been with a man for years, and I’m still waiting for him to propose…
I have an ex who keeps popping back up, does he really want me this time…
Passive. Passive. Passive! It’s time to stop saying, “but he won’t let go,” and start taking ownership of your power. You’re a grown woman, why would you ever wait for some man to decide what he wants you to be? Why is he in charge of your fate? Open your mouth, say what you want, ask what he’s looking for… If you’re not on the same page, go find someone that will give you the value you deserve. Breaking up is harder than it sounds, getting back out there is a chore, but it’s better to leave that comfort zone than to wait around for someone to affirm that you were just a Placeholder. No one can stay in your life unless you allow it. There’s a million ways to cut someone off, and you won’t even stick to one. Your excuses are weak and transparent, and I will drag you up and down until you admit it. You like his renewed attention, you like fake-complaining to your friends that he’s stalking you, or you like being able to say you have a man even when he’s not a very good one. I’ve heard every excuse in the book from husbands who wouldn’t sign divorce papers to girls in situationships who kept going back thinking it would finally lead to something and they all ended up full of regret that they didn’t listen to me when I first told them to be proactive. I don’t care what he says or how different you think your situation is, it’s time to stop lying to yourself. You’re not building, you’re being wasted.
You left your mark on me,
And I can’t seem to get it to fade.
You cut me open so deeply,
I know my blood’s still on your blade.
You didn’t deserve a space in my universe,
But somehow I still let you in.
Trying to bare my soul to your unopened eyes
Is still my greatest sin.
I wonder when I’ll forget you,
And release you from these ties.
I guess I’m still dealing with the effects,
Of loving the wrong guy. -Mariya Cha’nel
Nobody’s Daughter
[image error]You aren’t a boss, you are the boss. You make the rules, you uphold those rules, and anyone who doesn’t fall in line with the moves you’re trying to make is expendable. I can do better is your motto and Fuck’em is your uniform! It doesn’t matter if you’re in a relationship, situationship, marriage, or any other romantic situation where you feel as if you can’t leave until the man agrees to let you go, know that you are not beholden to anyone! Who are you? Effortlessly strong, eternally persevering, a Goddess in the flesh who even when stumbling can never truly fall! There is nothing that can defeat a woman that knows who she is and understands how to tap into her power. He didn’t see the special in you, oh fucking well. He will go on to love another woman, sucks for her dumb ass. He was the only person to make you feel special, cancel those weak ass thoughts! Indecisive little men grow on trees, they pick girls up, just to put them down, and even they can’t tell you the exact reasons for these moves. What doesn’t grow on trees is the person reading these words. You are all you will ever need. That person that stares back in the mirror each morning has the power to start over, to learn, adapt, manifest, and attract all she will ever need to be happy. The question isn’t why he won’t let you go, it’s why won’t you let this asinine idea of needing a man to complete you go. Most people will fall in love with the wrong one, but that’s nothing to be ashamed of. That aftermath isn’t a death, it’s a rebirth. Clarity–he’s not the one. Closure–he was never going to be the one. Accept that and move the fuck on! You are the gateway to your salvation, but you won’t get there while still consumed by why some low-vibrational peasant didn’t want you. Wake up, Spartan Up, and never look back.
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