G.L. Lambert's Blog, page 27

Is It Right To Take Another Girl’s Man… Pt.2

Far From BasYc

I received an email from a woman who likes a guy who has a girlfriend. Her question was “would it be right to try and talk to him anyway”? Why the hell not? This notion of a good man is hard to find will never go away because women will always get tangled up with incompatible men. If you find a guy who has everything you’re looking for and the only thing standing in the way is another chick—fuck her.
 
I know… karma, morals, he cheated on her he’ll do the same thing to you blah blah blah. You know who says that—scared bitches. It’s survival of the fittest, if his girl isn’t strong enough to keep a hold on him, then that’s her fault.
 
I’m not talking about adultery; I’m talking about Boyfriend/Girlfriend. Those titles are only as strong as you make them, and if dude wants to stray then obviously he wasn’t in love. Does leaving her to be with you make him a bad man? Not necessarily.
 

Every time a celebrity couple breaks up the scorned woman cries about how bad the man was, yet the new woman is like “he’s the best friend I never had, he treats me like a princess“. So who is telling the truth?
 
There are men who don’t take their girl’s out, wouldn’t give her $30 nail money, and who talk to them with disrespect because they don’t feel she’s worthy of romance. The irony is that the same ones who act bothered or too busy for their own women, will treat new interest like Queens off the bat. Why? Every man is a romantic–EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US. A guy is always looking for a trophy, a friend, and an inspiration to complete him. The problem is he chose a woman who was a Placeholder, not a Game Changer, which translates to his dick behavior. Unhappy men should leave Place Holders alone instead of waste time, but come on, you know men usually wait for another situation before they burn the bridge on the last.
 
Think about this, your Ex is out there treating a new woman 10x better than he ever treated you. One person’s “bad man” can always turn into someone’s “Mr. Perfect”.
 
“If she was all that then you wouldn’t be cheating, if my pussy wasn’t good then you wouldn’t be eating”
 
 

 
How To Take Her Man 
 
If you don’t have the heart to take another girl’s boyfriend, cool—STOP READING NOW… I mean it; this will only offend your sense of moral decency… If you’re a fucking Spartan and you have no problem kicking a bitch in the chest then watching her fall into a pit, then continue on!
 
When you meet Mr. Right and it’s revealed that he has a girlfriend, you don’t shy away from that. You embrace it. The last thing you want to be is a side chick who keeps quiet and allows a man to lead her on. Spartans observe, plan, and execute, always staying a step ahead. Ask about his girl, how they met, where they go on dates… talking to a guy with a chick about his relationship is the ultimate market research. The goal is not to fuck a guy with a girlfriend—that’s easy. Your job is to evaluate the guy with a girlfriend to see if he’s the right man for you, then erase her from his life.
 
 
Show Him You’re Better: When you’re talking to a guy who has a girlfriend, you have to play along for the first few weeks. Text, call, or DM him on his schedule. Give him that exciting feeling of a “secret love” and use this time to do the research listed above. Don’t make it into a negative or use words like, “you need someone better”. You simply ask questions and let him vent about all the things he doesn’t do. Men lie! I repeat these motherfuckers lie! They will say they’re having relationship problems but really aren’t because they want sympathy and know that women love to “save” men from basic bitches. Assume that anything he says about her may be false at first, and get around this by simply allowing him a release, this establishes trust in you.
 
 
Bait Him: The next wave is flirting. Don’t start off with sexting because you paint yourself as just another “new pussy”. Expose his male lust slowly. Throw in a nasty comment each day then allow him to talk his shit. He’ll think he has you, but you pull back and change the subject. Ladies, that’s how you tease any man. Create a pet name for him or call him “baby” if you’re not creative. I know some of you don’t like being that sweet or vulnerable, but you MUST let him know you like him. By calling him something sweet, you hypnotize his mind fast. To text a guy when you know he’s at work, “Hey baby, just thinking about you.” Will not only make his dick hard in that moment, but when he’s home with his girlfriend, it will be you that he’s thinking of.
 
 
Go For The Kill: Within the first week or two (again you have to dial down your Alpha female and be patient) set a date. I don’t care if you two work together, go to school together, or are just friends on social media. If this is to work you need to date him and get face to face like any other dating situation. He thinks you’re going to be easy. You know he has a girl and still is into him, so he’s hoping for an affair. Not in SPARTA! You date him, you learn him face to face, you don’t give him more than a kiss at the end of the night (or maybe you go to the bathroom, slide your panties off, and slip them to him as a souvenir if you’re bold). The point is the first date should prove that you’re not a side chick, you’re not easy, and you take it slow. This won’t push him away, it will make him want you more. Now he has lust, he has respect, and he will be dying to see you again.
 
Two Weeks Notice: This isn’t a guy who works at Burger King but is trying to get a job at the Post Office. He’s not allowed to keep his old job while applying for his new one. If he’s serious about getting with you, she has to go. A man will not want to leave his sure thing for a girl who he hasn’t even sampled yet. That’s his problem. If he wants to continue the sexting, dates, and have sex down the line, then he has to make that hard decision.
 
 
Men will tell you what you want to hear, say he cut her off, or that she’s about to move out blah blah blah. Fuck that noise. Give him a deadline. Not only does he have to break it off with his wifey, HE MUST tell her the reason why or you’re gone. This may sound unnecessarily mean, but understand we men will fuck our ex girlfriends unless we burn the bridge. A scorned ex still wants dick, she still wants to prove she’s better, and she wants to create a mess, so she will throw her pussy at him just to piss you off. The way you avoid that is to embarrass the ex-girlfriend to the point where she hates him. If you make him tell her from the jump, “It’s over because I met someone else” that’s devastating. Unless she’s the dumbest girl on the planet, she will never give him the ass again. You made him look like a jerk, but at the same time you made it damn near impossible for him to two time you with his old bitch. If he doesn’t do this by your deadline. Walk away. Ghost his ass. Watch how fast he’ll get rid of her once he knows you aren’t playing games. 
 

Her Pussy is a Honda. Your Pussy Is a Maserati 
 
Pussy Whipping is alive and well and if he’s chasing you, his girlfriend has failed at putting that pussy on him. She may be good in bed, but you know how relationship sex can get, stale and repetitive. You’re not having sex with him yet, so you have to brag on your box. Tease him like you would do any guy you were seeing, but with a wifed up guy you have to be extra seductive because like the old Junior Mafia skit said “That nigga getting pussy on a regular basis“. You have to sell yourself like your vagina could cure cancer. Lust is a powerful weapon, it’s the #1 reason men cheat. But don’t be like those cliché women on TV who fuck with married men and say dumb things like, “he said he would leave her for me”. Men rarely leave for sex alone, they leave for personality!
 
 
DON’T HAVE SEX WITH HIM UNTIL HE’S YOUR MAN. Talk nasty, that’s how you hook a man, but at the same time you’re not scouting for sex, you’re scouting for a relationship, so keep the physical activity limited to 2nd base. No oral, the most he gets is a breast in his mouth. You have to show him that not only can you make him bust in less than 60 seconds you can keep him interested in your conversation. The mouth is greater than the ass, meaning that the things you say have a bigger impact than anything you can do in the bed. For him to say, “she never understood me like you do” is checkmate.
 

Make Sure Your Friends Have Your Back
 
Girls are influenced by their besties; they listen to their friends and care about how they’re perceived. This cold lead to you not going through with your game plan. The girl who emailed me, her biggest fear wasn’t taking the guy; it was what her friends would think about her doing it. No matter how you slice it, you’re doing something very unpopular. No matter how cute this dude is or how nice he is, he is cheating. There may not be sex involved at this stage, but to start talking to a man while he is involved with another girl is frowned upon. Your friends will guilt you and you’ll see things on social media about “these bitches ain’t shit” but you have to be strong.
 
 
When you tell your friends, they’ll spew some bullshit about how there is someone out there for everyone and you should wait for a single man… That Disney Princess mindset is the reason they’re single or in a settle relationship. Remember you’re a fucking Spartan, those girls are your soldiers. They may not agree with the mission, but they owe it to you to be supportive of the campaign. They don’t have to like it, but they must respect it.
 

The Courage To Do This In Real Life
You like what you’re reading, you’re not one of these women that’s afraid to go for what she wants or bends to Sunday School brainwashing about playing nice with others. Good. This doesn’t mean you can actually do it. Say you meet a guy, he’s involved, but you don’t know how to proceed. How do you initiate something like this without talking yourself out of it? Confidence. This guy is taken, if you get rejected that’s okay because he should reject you– he has a woman he loves. Your job is to not take it seriously, look at it as a game and you’re the underdog. You have nothing to lose so step out of character and use your wit to pull him.
 
Boy: Um, I actually have a girl.
Girl: Is she here?
Boy: No.
Girl: Damn! I would have loved to show her how a real woman handles her boyfriend.
Boy: You’re funny.
Girl: Why don’t you take my number and call me after you have sex with her tonight. We can count the seconds it takes for me to get you back hard.
 
You’re putting on a show. You’re Heath Ledger in The Dark Knight; this shit will make you a legend in his mind. If you come off that aggressive, witty, and nasty he will call you. And once he calls you, you know it’s a wrap for her because She Is No Match For You.
 
 
Guys on Social Media – Send him a DM responding to a picture, link, or a funny tweet he posted with a joke of your own or an observation. This breaks the ice. Communicate with him every other day through messages then slide in your real number. If he takes it, then you know he’s interested it, girlfriend or not.
 
 
Guys at Work – Get alone time, have lunch, create a friendly relationship. When the time is right, invite him out for a post work drink or ask for a favor moving something or fixing something at home. The moment it’s one on one away from gossip hounds, all you have to do is flirt and tell him he’s handsome. Trust me, he will take it from there and chase you.
 
 
Random Stranger – He could be a friend of a friend, a guy you bumped into while shopping or the guy who repair your car doesn’t matter. The moment he says he has someone, acknowledge it but still give him your number or better your email and tell him that you just want to be friends. A tempted man will find a way to reach out.
 
 
You can’t take anyone’s man, he makes a choice. From the moment a guy sets eyes on a new woman, he’s thinking about “would I”. The goal isn’t to fuck someone’s man it’s about a connection, so the moment you establish that he’s into you and you’re not just a new pussy fetish, be real about your intentions. As I wrote above, you’ll have to let him be sneaky for the first two weeks or so, but remember you’re not a side chick; you’re going to become the main chick, but like any relationship you don’t want to rush into it. Once you’re sure he’s right for you and want to take it to the next level, then you give him the ultimatum that it’s either you or her. You already know their bond is weak off the strength that he’s calling you on his lunch break instead of her.
 
Once you win him over mentally, having him break that poor girl’s heart is the easy part. It’s a hostile takeover and there will be victims, but at the end of the day if you have a chance to own Amazon why would you continue to work at Best Buy?
 
This is your Universe, there are no boundaries, and the only rule is “ Don’t go after your friend’s man ” other than that– all men are fair game, so if you want someone you go after them! You think men respect the fact that you have a boyfriend? Fuck no! We see that as the ultimate challenge. There is no reason women can’t use this same method when on the hunt for love. If a guy is in a relationship then obviously he isn’t afraid of commitment and he knows how to cater to a female—it’s like shopping for a house when furniture’s already in place, it’s much easier.
 
 
You’re not going to go to hell, you’re not going to get seven years bad luck, the worst that can happen is that a younger, sexier version of you pulls this same trick and takes your man. But that can happen in any relationship, I’m not talking about keeping a man, we’re talking about going for what you want. If you feel too guilty to even consider this you’re hard headed— I told your ass to stop reading a long time ago.
 
You are better than his girlfriend. Your heart pumps Cheetah Blood built from Athena DNA, there is no man who you can’t take! That’s what you have to believe in order for this to work. And if some baggy eyed girl who looks like she’s been crying for the past two months shows up at your job calling you a home wrecker, you look her dry coochie having, weak head giving, constantly complaining ass dead in the eye and say, “ You’re welcome. Because if it wasn’t me, it would have been someone else ”.
 
 
 

 
 
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Should Women Approach Men? – Old Methods Vs. New Tactics

Far From BasYc

Should women approach men? The majority of females would answer “Hell no,” then comment that if I man wants you, he will always make the first move. In their mind, to approach a man is considered “chasing” a man, and that’s not ladylike. Actively going after what you want is seen as “doing too much” again, that’s not ladylike. Some will even claim to know men who have said, “I don’t like aggressive women,” or “I look at her as easy if she engages with me first,” and use those anecdotes as proof that it’s better to stay to yourself and wait to be chosen. Ha!

“Never approach a man first” is propaganda pushed by women who want to stay in their comfort zones for women already in their comfort zones. Sit around, wait for a man, and pray that you get married one day… in the meantime you end up talking to guys who do CHASE you then GHOST you. That makes you even more bitter, but you don’t change your method, you just keep waiting. You say fake-deep stuff like “I’m working on myself” as an excuse for not being aggressive. How are you working on yourself when you refuse to evolve and change the way you approach meeting new people? Just because a guy crushes on you or lusts after your pussy, doesn’t mean he’s better than a man who you had to DM or speak to first. You’ve being brainwashed to be passive in your own life.

Jesus will send you a man. Use a vision board to make a man pop out of thin air with all the qualities you want. Do your hair different, that’s what’s been holding you back. Wait until next month’s crescent moon. All these gimmicks say the same thing– be a Pick Me. You’re not manifesting a healthy relationship, you’re not attracting love, you’re sitting on your ass wishing for easy results! The result of this old school weak bitch waiting game is that you do get a man, but it’s rarely one you want, just one you settle for because you’re sick of waiting for your “type” to notice you.

What about those that have tried once or twice to approach first and swear it didn’t work? One girl brought up how none of the relationships that spawned from her approaching men first have lasted—well beloved, there are a bunch of broken hearts and divorces from relationships where the man went after the woman first, so what’s your point? Don’t bring in statistics that only tell one side of the story, Basica!

No matter who approaches who, there’s always a risk of being played or something not working. My philosophy is that it is better to take a chance going for what you want than to waste time trying to make those who do approach you fit what you want. Be prepared to be approached AND be prepared to approach, these are two methods you can and should use at the same time. Be open to what comes, and also be proactive when you see someone you like. What’s wrong with that? NOTHING. Let’s cut through the bullshit and get to the root of this mentality.

Women hate hearing “no.” To risk a man not responding positively, saying he has a girlfriend, or in any manner that doesn’t end with an exchange of numbers is a rejection that most females can’t bear to deal with. It’s not just approaching, I know a few women in two-year-old relationships that still don’t ask their boyfriends for big favors because they are afraid to be turned down. “I’ll do it myself because I don’t like to be told ‘no’ or to have some drag their feet.” That’s a real-life quote.

Is approaching men really about this played out gender role that dictates that a man should choose who he wants while a dignified woman simply has to get within eyesight of him, or is it about ego and pride? You tell yourself how great you are in your own head, but what happens when you’re forced to interact with someone you find attractive and they don’t even think you’re worth a three-minute conversation let alone asking for your number? To put yourself out there to approach a man is to potentially destroy the false confidence you’ve spent your entire adult life protecting. The fear of not being good enough to get what you want, that’s what keeps most women on the bench.

Spartans Know How To Flirt & Bait Men

You want to win the lottery, but you don’t play the lottery. Sounds stupid, right? Well, let me reword it. You want to find a husband, but you don’t really engage with men. Same concept, but you can’t see that. Life is about applying one’s self. You apply for college, you apply for a job, you apply for a home loan. You won’t find many broke women sitting at home with their arms folded, saying they don’t apply for jobs or that employers need to come to them. Yet, single and unhappy women do sit home, arms folded complaining about “men today,” because no one’s beating down that door. Stop being stuck on this petty idea of “you first.” It’s time to learn to flirt, learn to talk circles around men, and be progressive. I know you’re afraid, that your mind keeps telling you you’re going to be rejected, but keep reading, and I will show you step by step how to do this in a way that will protect your self-esteem and get results across the board.

Most men who approach you aren’t your type, but you date them anyway because what else do you have to do?

Reminder, I’m not saying men shouldn’t approach women, and it’s all on your shoulders. I wrote a book for men where I make the same case that they can’t be overly shy or timid either, but let’s be honest, how many men you know take advice when it comes to courting women? The gap between compatible males and females will keep growing wider because a rapidly growing number of men are just as afraid of rejection as the women. Today’s men are looking at their phone, you’re looking at your phone. They’re afraid to message you, you’re afraid to message them. You may both look at each other from across the room, but he’s not going to risk it and you’re not going to risk it. Old school ways don’t work because NEW SCHOOL MEN are unsure if you’re going to be receptive.

85% of the guys that you meet won’t be your type, but guess what? Undesirable men will speak first, chase you, wear you down, and do whatever it takes to get you because they know you will settle for what you can get more often than approach what you want. The world is changing, and the ideas of what men should do and what women should do are just that—ideas. If you want to win, you must innovate, not make excuses as to why you’re going to stick to the old ways.

Some old school things are good = a man proposing first is a must, opening the car door is a sign of respect, but simply saying “hi” first is not something you should be so stubborn about if you’re secure in your own skin! The reality of being someone who lives in power is that it creates an environment of constant success and opportunity. Every time you break up with someone or are disappointed by a potential bae, you wish you had other options, you wish you had choices, well it’s time to Spartan Up and attain true power over your situation.

You find yourself in the market, at the gym, getting coffee, or even on an elevator, and you see someone that sparks your interest, why not take that chance? You work with someone or are platonic friends, and they seem like a good match, why not take that chance? You follow someone online and see that they’re single, why not take that chance? This isn’t about chasing it’s about using the right words, the right eye fuck, or the right smile to create a connection that can CHANGE YOUR LIFE.

You will still meet those men who approach you first. Like I wrote, it’s not one or the other, it’s a duel option lifestyle. The idea isn’t to “be a man” and do what males typically do, it’s to live in the moment and control your own destiny by being bold enough to open your mouth when the time comes. A woman that isn’t afraid to approach and who also knows how to position herself to be approached will net more options than one who just waits around.

So where do you start in terms of baiting a man to approach you first and what should you say when shooting your shot so you won’t get rejected? I wrote an entire blueprint for all scenarios you will face and I call it The Spartan Dating Script.

Chapters Include:

How To Be More Approachable

How To Approach

What To Say On A Date

Using Social Media To Lure Men In

How To Go From “Just Friends” To Dating

Sexting & Dating Apps

And much more. Download it today, follow the script, and never feel lost, confused, or unsure again.

Click Here To Preview & Download The Spartan Script



Click Here To Download The iBooks version

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You Got This – Self Motivating Yourself Even When You Don’t Feel Like It

Far From BasYc

This year is going to be different… until it turns into more of the same. Each new month is a chance to reset and refocus those goals, and maybe you do for a few days, then you get distracted by life’s problems, and once again put those goals to the side. Your business plan collects dust. That website name you bought is still parked. That gym membership goes unused. That application to take yourself back to school just sits there… should I continue? There are so many people who take the first step, but never follow up. It’s only when you see someone online winning or bump into a friend or associate who actually turned something into nothing do you become triggered to once again start over… but even that “If they can do it so can I,” motivation dies out in favor of more of the same. Aren’t you tired of doing and saying the same shit?

On social media people were posting photos from 10 years ago comparing how their looks have changed, but what about their bank accounts? Is your bank account where you thought it would be 10 years ago? Is your love life where you thought it would be 10 years ago? Are you on the path to doing what you dreamed of 10 years ago? Each one of you had a drive to do something special, to be great, to share your talent or innovation, and to carve out a piece of this world for yourself. Some of you have done that or on the verge of doing that, while others are still sitting around waiting for an opportunity, instead of creating an opportunity.

The goal wasn’t to work a job you barely like. Your goal wasn’t to drive someone around for money. Your goal wasn’t to work two part time jobs. Your goal wasn’t to live paycheck to paycheck. You had a feeling that you would do great things, so where did that feeling go? No one was hiring in your field, you had student loans to pay off so you just had to take a job, you ended up getting pregnant so you had to lower expectations, maybe you were waiting for a friend or a family member to partner with you and they let you down… Fuck all that noise. There is nothing that could have happened in your life that would make it impossible for you to start over today. Tell me your sob story of setbacks and misfortune and I’ll show you dozens of people who had it worse than you, yet ended up turning their losses into a win. Chasing after love, online shopping, being fake enraged about politics, all the while the thing that should matter most to you—your own life and legacy, remains below expectations. Are you one of those cogs in the machine that just wants to get by and contribute to other people’s fortunes, or are you ready to wake the fuck up and get out of the matrix?

It’s Never Too Late

Didn’t finish school, now you’re stuck working a low paying job. Parents forced you to go into a career field because it was secure, now you’re stuck doing something you hate. Took a job you told yourself was temporary, now you’re stuck doing something that doesn’t satisfy you because the money is good… Is that what you were put on this earth to do? Get by and make excuses? Know one thing, you are never STUCK. You always have the power to reset, redesign, and rebuild your life into what you currently envision.

The first step is getting the word “but” out of your vocabulary. I know more than a few doctors that walked away from that profession to do something that paid less but satisfied them creatively. I knew of a woman who was waiting tables, decided enough was enough, and hit up some open mics in her city looking to network. She is now a song writer for some big-name artist. The moral of the story NEVER QUIT ON YOURSELF.

School wasn’t for you, so what—you can still rise above that. Your parents were strict and forced you into medicine or law, so what—you can still rise above. You have debt to pay off, and no one to help you, so what—you can still rise above. This is supposed to be a generation that covets freedom, yet just like your older relatives, you’ve fallen into the trap of working 9-5 just to stay alive. When you were young you felt like nothing can stop you. Look at you now, humbled. Point your finger and cry about “If I were born with money like Kylie Jenner, I’d be in Forbes too,” but you weren’t and neither were Steve Jobs, Ellen, Oprah, or that creepy guy that sells those My Pillows. Stop the excuses and get back to being fearless!

“Adulting is hard,” “Life is so unfair,” No one gives a fuck about fair or how hard you have it. You have the power to bend the Universe in your favor, but the difference between you and the person out there that’s doing it, is that you don’t believe in yourself. Wipe your ass with all the negative thoughts about “what if” or “I can’t” and push through! You can attract money, love, and happiness at any point in your life, by saying one sentence each morning, “I can do this!” Your time is now, refuse to be anything less than successful.

You Are Good Enough

Everyone around you seems so confident but you’re full of doubt. This leads to you trying to fake confidence and manufacture self-esteem through tough talk and hollow bragging. You’re not alone. Those people who you’re trying to impress are doing the same thing most times. That girl on Facebook is embellishing how good her life and relationship is, that girl on IG is posting year old vacation pictures like it happened last weekend, that “Girl Boss” posting her orders, lost more money selling hair bundles than she made. Is this who you’re competing with? Perceptions of greatness? Instead of trying to get like them, let’s start with the reality that there’s nothing wrong with who you are.

You can’t do anything you set your mind to if your mind is a confused mess of negative thoughts. Examine where those negative thoughts come from. Most likely it started early, maybe your parents shot down your dreams when you were younger. Maybe someone insulted your intelligence, said you didn’t have the talent, or maybe it was a combination of things that lowered your self-esteem and left you with little faith in yourself. The choices of your parents effect your adult life in ways they didn’t account for. Here’s your mother, father, or grandparent trying to get you to play it safe and here you are years later, afraid to take risks because they taught you that failure is common, and success is rare. Perhaps it was your friends who shitted on your aspirations by reminding you that you’re not smart enough, well connected enough, the right gender, the right color, or in the right city to make your dreams a reality. External influence can lift you up or it can break you down depending on who you’re allowing in your ear. You didn’t have a cheerleader, you had a naysayer, and no matter how many Self-Help books you read, you can’t shake the feeling that you’re not good enough.

I want you to do an exercise each night before bed. Think about everyone who told you that you couldn’t do something. Who were they? What was there agenda? What made you listen to them? Going one by one, I want you to rip their opinions down and rebuild yourself on the foundation of truth. People, even those that love you, will often try to hold you down so you will never amount to more than what they are. They fear what you can become and poison your mind. The antidote is to revisit their lies, and feed yourself the truth:

That person who told you that there’s too much competition and you won’t be able to make money in an industry. They were hating because they don’t want you to succeed in a world where they couldn’t. That person that keeps reminding you how much money you need to start your own business. They’re hating because in their life they placed limits and made excuses for their inability to out think their problems. That person who made fun of you for trying and failing at something previously. They’re only laughing to shame you into not getting back up and trying again.

Kill the idea that someone’s negative advice or observation is them “looking out for you”. Those people who have your best interest at heart won’t knock you down, they will always lift you up. Separate yourself from the toxic whispers and backhanded advice givers, if you’re going to finally ascend you can’t have them weighing you down.

Stop Waiting

Time is a concept, which means you don’t have to wait for the first of the year, month, or week, to take action. The moment you want to change something, change it. The superstitious bullshit that runs this world will have you thinking that you need to read your horoscope or wait for a lucky sign. It’s all nonsense. Prepare–Execute. Prepare-Execute. Prepare-Execute. The next time you think “I’ll wait until tomorrow,” ask yourself “why am I waiting?” If there is something you can do today that will put you ahead tomorrow, then start now! Where do you start? With a pen and a pad, write down what you want to accomplish. Write down the practical steps to accomplish it. Then set a deadline to check off each one of those steps. It’s that simple.

In terms of friends or potential partners, stop waiting on
others to make moves for you. I have several friends in this situation
currently. They want to do an app, but they’re waiting for their friend who
wants to do it with them to have free time. They want to do music, but they’re
waiting for the other person to go with them to the studio. They want to do a
cosmetic line, but they’re waiting for their cousin to throw in her money. People are full of shit. The only person
you can rely on is yourself. If it’s your idea, execute it and stop being afraid
to go in alone. The magic of hustling is that you will automatically meet like
minded people the moment you start making moves in that industry. I know
someone that sold their company to Sephora, but only after partnering with a stranger
who was in the same business, they were in. Your will attract like minded
people once you’re in motion, but you will only attract lazy bullshit artist if
you sit around and wait. Know that some people love to talk while other peoples
just do it. Separate yourself form that pack and always be willing to go in
alone if someone isn’t moving at your pace.

Follow The Passion Not The Money

Make your hobby into a side gig. Turn your childhood love into your current career. Take something you’re a nerd about and make it payoff. I don’t care if you want to be a chef, work in the front office of your favorite sports team, own a salon, or start your own brand of whatever—be passionate as fuck in the pursuit of that goal and everything else will take care of itself. Talk to people in that business, read about it, formulate a way in and your love will of that industry will reflect in those people you need to impress in order to make that dream a reality.

Where so many people mess up is trying to live out someone else’s dream because they see an opportunity. Every day someone jumps into Podcasting because it’s easy to start up, modeling because they have a few followers, catering because someone says they’re an okay cook, but they flame out because they didn’t really want to do any of that stuff, they just wanted a check. Let’s say your friend makes a lot of money selling hair on Ali Express because she’s into beauty. You have some savings and are going to invest too because it’s a good return on your money. Why? You don’t know what clients are looking for, you don’t know how to foresee trends, market that product, or expand that kind of business because that’s not what you’re into. Retail is hard. Makeup is hard. Writing is hard. There is no such thing as an easy career. Some of you work for other people, they tell you what to do and you get a check at the end of the week. What happens when it’s all on you? Unless you are insanely passionate, you’re not going to put that same time and effort into a business or new venture to make it work. So instead of saying, “they make money doing it, I can do that too,” be true to yourself and create your own lane.

Take The Risk

What if it doesn’t
work out, then what? Then you do it again a different way. The thing about
risk that people fail to realize is that it comes in many forms. You have that
person who quits a job and sinks their savings into a new venture. You have
someone that decides to drive Uber for a year so they can go back to school without
a loan. You have people that leave their current position to start entry level at
a new company. Each one of these things require a leap of faith, but they’re
all planned, not random. When I say take a risk, I’m talking about your game
plan along with your execution. I don’t give a fuck if you’re stripping or if
you work as a sales associate. Formulate your next move, know what you need to
do, then go for it. This could take you two years of saving and planning or it
could take you a month. It’s better to take that risk than to drown in the mediocrity
of living a life you’re bored with.

 “I hear you, but I need money to do what I want to,” There you go with more excuses. There are always to generate more income, the real question is are you willing to do them. If you’re at a crappy job that’s promoted you six times and you’re making more than you could make somewhere else at your skill level, you may not want to walk away and start over or go back to school. Don’t blame money for you staying in place, blame your lack of hunger. If you are in debt and barely have enough money to cover your bills each month, you can take on a part time job or do something freelance, and all it will cost you is sleep and free time. Don’t blame money, blame yourself for being too good or to too lazy to hustle.

Sacrifices must be made If you want to move ahead. I used to give advice to a young woman who moved back in with her mother, went back to school, and became one of the younger execs at one of the big banks. She went from 40k a year to a quarter million a year, and it wouldn’t have happened if she worried about losing that weak ass 40k. Look at the true story that inspired the movie Joy, that woman risked it all, with kids, and now she’s a million-dollar brand. Taking a part time job to earn more, getting a side hustle, limiting your spending habits, networking with investors, taking out loans, if you really want to raise capital for something, you can put your mind to it and figure that part out. The problem is, you don’t want to hustle. You’re comfortable, you live good enough to buy nice shoes, the latest phone, and keep up with the rest of your struggling friends. Even thought you KNOW you can do better you don’t want to take two steps back to take another five steps forward. Again, who’s fault is that? Blame it on your lack of courage, not money. Money is everywhere, the amount of people that’s willing to do what it takes to get are few and far between.

Self Motivation 101

Put Up Reminders: KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO ATTRACT INTO YOUR LIFE. Stalk that vision, obsess over that goal, but most importantly keep it front in center daily so you know that it’s coming. What good is that vision board or Journal if it’s out of sight? Your bedroom mirror should have a daily reminder taped to it to smack you in the face every time you’re getting ready to go out. Your refrigerator, your desk at work, anywhere there is space you should be bombarding yourself with pictures of your business idea, your goal body, your dream house, the place you will one day rank on Forbes, etc… you can’t forget things that are constant.

Set Deadlines: When are you going to be finished that new business plan? When do you plan on having the money you need saved? When is that website going to be up? When are you going to have the designs done for your product? When are you going to put in your two weeks’ notice at that old shitty job? Always set deadlines to do things because deadlines keep you honest. Every phone has an alarm and calendar, utilize them. Set notifications, take it seriously, pull all nighters like it’s college, but never ever miss your deadline or you’re cheating yourself.

Hold Yourself Accountable: How much TV did you watch this week? How much time did you spend on your phone scrolling social media? How much time did you waste shopping for shit you don’t need or looking up pointless gossip that doesn’t benefit you? Now compare that to the time you put into yourself: Building your brand, taking classes, researching, meditating, reading a book, going out to network with people that can help you, and all the other productive acts. Who cares what a reality star said or who liked your picture on Instagram. Get. To. The. Money. If more of your time was used working for other people or on trivial things than it was working for yourself or benefiting your mind or body, then you deserve to be where you are in life. You are responsible for your success, not luck. Even now that you are woke to the fact that you must put in the work, you may still drag your feet. That’s why you need to recognize what you’re doing with your time, add it up each week, and keep yourself honest!

“Life is very short and anxious for those who forget the past, neglect the present, and fear the future. – Seneca

Tomorrow Isn’t Promised: Think about death, not in a 16-year-old goth girl kind of way, but in terms of a ticking time clock. Your time in this world could be over tomorrow. Everything you wanted to do and could have done doesn’t matter. It’s over. No going back. Ask yourself right now, in the privacy of your own head, “What’s the crowing achievement of my life if I don’t wake up tomorrow.” Some of you have to go back to high school to the last time you were truly happy, others don’t have anything to hang your hat on in terms of personal achievements. Why is that? Is it because you can’t or because you haven’t tried? This isn’t a fairy tale where you get to come back and do it all over again. You get one shot, make the most of it as if time is running out—because it is.

The F Word

Do you have faith in yourself to win against all odds? I’m talking about an undeniable belief that you can go out and get what you want? This world isn’t some random series of events that just happen to you, it’s your mind at work. You’re reading these words right now because it’s what you need to be reading. Something probably distracted you while reading, a phone beep, a strange noise, etc… maybe you started and came back, or only scanned a few lines. Why? Because a fearful mind is constantly running away from the things it’s afraid to know and accept.

A lot of you believe in higher powers and you have no problem putting faith in the church, or a philosophy, or even other people. What happens when you turn that inward is that you tap into the reality that you are a supreme being? If you channel that invincible feeling of faith in self, you will develop true confidence in every aspect of life. If you move with unwavering confidence, you will achieve goal after goal, almost to the point of feeling that something miraculous is having. It’s not a miracle, it’s not supernatural, it’s the power of knowing the Truth. You are who you think you are. Every morning you wake up you tell yourself a story about how your day will go, one is the conscious “I hope it goes good” the other is the subconscious “but watch it go bad” because you’ve trained yourself to be limited in what you can and can’t do. Positive thinking doesn’t go deep enough to eliminate your lack of faith in yourself. You must rewrite your past until you scrape out the brainwashed portions of your brain and realize you aren’t a bystander, you’re the center of this universe.

Who you want to be isn’t who you are now, and that’s okay. Stop pressuring yourself to make up for lost time overnight and stop being negative when things don’t go as planned. Healthy and lasting change happens in steps not strides, so set daily goals, hold yourself accountable, and have faith in yourself. Confidence creates opportunity and you’re always one smart decision away from a totally different life.

To be continued… when you’re ready.

For more insight on meditation and self analysis read The Unicorn Delusion… = click here.

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Thanks for reading You Got This – Self Motivating Yourself Even When You Don’t Feel Like It

Dating Secrets That Every Woman Should Know

Far From BasYc

Nobody enjoys dating. The process of meeting new people. Do you wait for someone to approach you in public? Do you jump on a dating app? Do you take things into your own hands and shoot your shot by flirting with that guy at the gym or by sliding in the DMs of that cute guy who always likes your pictures? Even after you meet someone, then you have to actually “date” which means going out and getting to know them. Are they a texter or a talker? Do they want to go out on a proper date or are they trying to Netflix and chill you? How many dates before it’s official? How many dates before sex? Should you or shouldn’t you date more than one person at a time? The life of a single person is full of anxiety because they overthink everything listed above. I wrote numerous books on how to date step by step, yet so many women have yet to Spartan Up and apply these rules to their lives, some have used these tools others haven’t…

You may be one of those who don’t have time to read or listen to an audio book of mine, or you may just be of the mindset of “I DON’T NEED ADVICE, I GOT THIS”. I’ve helped women for nearly a decade and the lazy or stubborn type NEVER win they ALWAYS settle. They either sit on the bench and wait for some guy to fall in their lap or they keep recycling the same penis they’ve known for years because the devil they know can’t truly break their heart.

Let’s cut to the root of the problem—TRUST. You don’t want to meet a new man that seems great then turns out to be more of the same, so you play it safe and boring. I get it. Men are sneaky, flaky, and filled with contradictory behavior, so you never know who wants you or wants to use you. “Tell men how to be REAL men,” I already do that, I’ve even written a book for them (fellas click here), but let’s keep it real, preaching to men won’t save YOU. The solution isn’t to fix the broken males, it’s to hop over the trash men so you can attract and secure a quality one. The first step in that is knowing the game as played by my fellow men…

Common Sense Isn’t So Common When You’re In Lust…



Common Sense Dating Secrets:

All Men Prioritize Sex First, Money Second, Love Third.

When A Man Says, “I’m Not Looking For Anything Serious” He’s Leaving Off “With You”.

Men Are Competitive So They Run Back When You Find Someone, But They Don’t Actually Want You Back.

There’s No Such Thing As Too Busy.

Older Guys Settle For Women They Dogged When Younger Because They Know They’re Push Overs.

Men Will Use You As A Placeholder Until They Come Across the Trophy They Really Want.

A Woman Can’t Change A Man. He Either Changes On His Own Or Not At All.

The Majority of Men Think Women Aren’t Very Smart…

You all know this… I would hope, but you still fall for game because by nature you’re nice and give people the benefit of the doubt. Nice doesn’t win in this world. I hate seeing smart women get played by guys who come with the most transparent tactics. I’ve done a lot of these things personally, and as I matured I felt it a duty to put women up on game, not as Karmatic repayment, but because this world is dependent on strong women. Relationships and how to maneuver this world remains the biggest challenge for even the most book smart or successful women. So today I’m going to show you how any woman can rise up and get the type of love she deserves, not the kind of love she’s offered.

PROLOUGE: No More Excuses



Why does he chase me so hard only to walk away so easy after he gets what he wants?

Where you live. How You Look. Men Are Trash. These three things are the crutches that many women prop up as to why they’re just going to focus on self and be content with their vibrator. I hear it all the time: GL, only ugly guys approach me, and the cute ones are either broke, taken, or have a reputation. GL, guys go for my friends over me because I’m not as pretty. GL, I live in a wack city where everyone knows each other, all the men are hoes, there’s no hope for me. The first step in righting the wrongs of your love life is to stop making excuses as to why you haven’t been successful. I’ve literally talked with women from every state in the union and those from Europe, Asia, and Africa. Not once has the city, their looks, or the lack of quality men stood in the way of those women finding love, it was their methods. I could fly to your city tomorrow, be your wingman, and find a hot spot where you would be introduced to someone new and interesting who you would have never ran into on your own. How? Because you don’t go anywhere but the same old tired spots with the same old tired friends because you’re not creative in your approach to being social. It’s not about the clubs, the parties, or the concerts nor is it about swiping on Tinder until you come across a cute guy. Connections can only be made when you step out of your comfort zone long enough to be friendly.

PART 1: Baiting A Man



Men are attracted to soooo many types, you can pull guys you feel are out of your league

The Odds Are Set To 80%: Every woman breathing has an 80% chance of pulling any man she encounters. Are you going to dwell on the 20% chance that you’ll run into someone that isn’t impressed or has something else on his plate? Most of you will. That slim chance that someone will take your number but won’t call you or someone who your inbox won’t take it further than a casual “hey” scares the piss out of you. Fear keeps you in a box where the only men you will come across are the extra-friendly ones that come at you first, and trust the same way they’re being extra-friendly with you is being repeated with multiple women because quantity > quality. So here you are, stuck in the same old basic chick cycle of dealing with a man you didn’t even like but who was there. Months pass and it ends, and you realize that you wasted all that energy on someone that wasn’t even up to the standards you have in your head. Why? Because you don’t risk rejection—ever!

Dating, meeting men, it all becomes a lot more fun when you realize that your vagina is literally an Infinity Gauntlet. 80% is high, and it ticks up depending on how pretty you are. Let’s say that the average man would rate you a 7, maybe an 8 with makeup on. You’re already above that 80% and close to 95% odds that you won’t miss any shot you shoot. How do I know this? I’ve seen it all my life. I’ve coached girls to swing for the fences. And the statistics all line up with what I’m telling you. For example, I became friends with this girl from Atlanta who’s far from skinny, and really worked on her self-esteem. She went on to date one of the biggest rappers in the world, someone most women openly lust for, and she had him blowing up her phone. She wasn’t built like Draya, but she understood her strengths and played up to them. The secret that will lay the foundation going forward is to know that it’s a very slim chance that you will get rejected. It could happen, but guess what? There are more men out there, and the more you repeat it, the less scary it feels. It’s always worth going for what you want. Ask the girl’s that’s smashing your favorite rapper who was in your same place a year ago.

GO OUT BY YOURSELF: Where do you go to meet men? Most likely the internet, work, or you meet them through a friend. You’re boring, all you do is nap, work, and online shop so of course your options for guys are thinner than Anne Hathaway in Yoga Pants. Here’s a secret for those of you that embraced the confidence of the 80% rule—you’re a magnet. Let’s talk about attraction on a real level. You are a pretty woman that has a vagina that half of the population would dive into if given an opportunity. The problem for men is how do they get to you? Girls are like wolves, they usually move in packs with their friends, their sisters, their cousins, even other men. These people are walls. An aggressive man will run up on you because, again men take advantage of opportunity, but there are legions of other males that will keep walking by because they don’t want to interrupt in a group.

Your excuse will sound like this, “I need a man with the heart to approach me no matter where I’m at, that’s telling me he really wants me.” Okay, Basica, go back over there and have quiet time. Logic and your track record with men has proven that just because a man tries to holla at you, doesn’t mean he’s “the one”. It just means he’s bold. Here’s something to test out. The next time you’re hungry or bored, go out by yourself. It could be Starbucks to order coffee and sit at a table and read a book. It could be the mall food court to sit and just eat a damn pretzel. The longer you’re out, the more eyes are on you. We as men don’t think, “look at this werido by herself.” That’s what your negative mind thinks because you’ve been programmed to be under people or a part of a group. Men will look, some will speak, some will even walk over to you. As a single person, you should want this. Of course, there will be some lames that you brush off, but there will also be guys that are your type that catch your eye. The most successful tip I’ve seen played out is women who sit at the bar counter when eating or having a drink. Two years ago, I had a girl meet her now husband at the Buffalo Wild Wings bar when she sat next to him and asked to see a menu. Just last week, my lesbian friend met some girl at a brunch by sitting next to her and complimenting her purse. Finding someone is no longer about waiting, it’s about putting yourself out there.

Three ways to get a man: Shoot Your Shot verbally, Flirt & Give Him An Opening, or Bait Him

MEN LOVE AGGRESSIVE WOMEN: Let’s recap. You have the confidence of Thanos because you know you can have virtually any man you set your sights on. You aren’t afraid to go out in public to create an opportunity for an off-line connection. How do you turn that into actual GAME? A lot of women don’t know how to flirt. They know how to be sassy, how to tease, and how to give attitude when they secretly like a guy, but they don’t know how to say without words, “hey I like you.” Here’s the secret—you must become Sasha Fierce. Every woman, even Beyoncé, has an alter ego character she stores in her head. That bad ass chick who speaks her mind with no filter. You must let the other side of you loose around men. It was cool to giggle around men and say corny stuff like, “stop playing,” when you were 19. A grown woman doesn’t giggle, she smiles with her eyes. A grown woman doesn’t turn her glance away, she stares through a man like she would eat him alive. A grown woman doesn’t have awkward silences, she questions—how are you? That’s a nice shirt, where did you get it? Your girlfriend let you out of the house?Does that sound scary? Is talking to a strange man you think is cute too nerve wrecking for you to be that free with your words? Then you failed the first part! Your confidence has to be on Floyd Mayweather anytime you’re in the room with the opposite sex. I’m not saying that shy girls don’t get men, I’m saying that an aggressive woman steals a man’s soul.

What makes men talk to you and walk away without getting your number? It’s probably not your breath. It’s the lack of impression. Guys mastered this for the most part. They make jokes, they compliment, they use sexual undertones, all to make you smile or react. Why? Because he knows when you go home you’re going to still be thinking about how cool and fun he was. That’s an impression. The size of your butt in those jeans shouldn’t be the only impression you leave on a man. Personality is the most important weapon in any woman’s armory. When you’re on Snap or IG it’s easy to get your personality through because you’re performing for the camera or captioning a pretty picture with something witty. That stuff goes out of the window when you must speak face to face. The light switch in your head should be like a Power Ranger morphing. He’s sitting next to you or asking you your name, you can’t just grin and look like a deer in the headlights. In your head, you morph. “Watch me eat this mother***ker alive!” From there it’s not about what you say or reading a script, it’s being yourself but turned up to 10.

PART 2: Hooking A Man



Men still date, still spoil, and still use romance to win over what they want.

VERBAL CONVERSATIONS: Women who email me usually run into a problem most of you can relate to—my text got taken the wrong way. We live in a world where texting has replaced the phone call. The problem with that is the first week that you’re talking to someone, there is a huge margin for error tone wise. You can’t read sarcasm that well through text. It’s hard to get to know a person just typing in that format. What ends up happening is a bunch of chit-chat, some sexual flirtation, and him asking to see you soon. By the time you do meet up, he’s being overly sexual because he mistook you for a thotty from your text conversation. You’re into him, but you’re not an object, you want to go out and talk and actually get to see how this guy thinks and share your own life story. This is no exaggeration, I’m talked to over a thousand women who have slept with men who they didn’t even know basic things about like his last name or what he did at work. When I question these ladies, it all comes back to, “we didn’t really talk, we texted all day.” Stop being so dense! Texting is to supplement verbal conversations not a replacement for them.

Once you get past the meet and greet stage and are about to go on that first date, you must talk to him with your actual mouth. I don’t care if it’s telling him to call you after work or you doing a FaceTime session. Listening to how someone talks and what they talk about even before you sit down for a dinner date or go out to do some activity is crucial in establishing a bond and weeding out obvious red flags. I have friends who are the biggest dogs in the world, and they get away with a lot of it because all they do is text various girls BS that soothes their egos, set up night time chill sessions, and keep it moving. Who is this man? Where does he live? What was his last relationship? What does he do for a living? If you text this, you get cut and dry answers. If you ask it with your damn mouth, you hear the lies in his tone. You can sniff out hesitation. Talking allows you to poke holes in a man’s story in ways texting never could. Stop being afraid to talk, and if he doesn’t want to call you or pick up, that red flags dictates that he gets thrown back in the sea with the rest of these clown fish because he’s up to something.

TALK PRESENT NOT PAST: Just as important as hearing a man’s story out is sharing your own life. The secret to initial conversation is keep your cards close to the vest. Why are you on a first date talking about your ex-boyfriend and all the ways he did you dirty? Because he asked? Who is he to know that? We as men know that women over-talk about things they’re affected by. Work beefs, friend drama, exes… they will run off at the mouth venting. Through that venting you learn her weaknesses. Think about a first phone call or a first date. You tell him your ex cheated on you. He’s going to want to know how you found out, how long it was going on, if you knew the girl. He’s doing research to see how dumb you are. This is lost on you because you’re tied up in telling a story that’s been pissing you off for a long time. In the end he’ll tell you that your ex was trash and he would never do you like that. He won’t because he’ll do it better now knowing how that other dude messed up.

This isn’t just with exes, it’s with any past failure. You didn’t finish school, or you couldn’t get a job in your major, your family issues, it all creates a character profile to be exploited. So, what should you talk about besides him in order to give insight into your bomb personality? You share your strengths like it’s a job interview. It’s not about where you work now, it’s how you’re rising the ranks or how good you are at your job. It’s not about your ex, he had issues, but he taught you valuable lessons. That’s all you need to say about that man. It’s not about how your Dad did your Mom or how he treated you. Give an anecdote about growing up but this isn’t the time for a therapy session. The point is, you’re a strong woman who was forged by that hard knock past, show her passion not her pain.

“But they will think I’m a Hoe” Who cares what men think! Be flirty, be shocking, they love it.

FUNNY X NASTY: Every man thinks he’s Kevin Hart when he’s on a date because women love two things: Laughing and eating. Being a good time is mandatory for a man to win you over, he knows that. As a woman you’re most likely clueless who how to win a guy over from lust to genuine affection. Let’s drop the ego for a second. When I say “win a man over” it’s not saying you need to bend over backwards and give him head on the first date or buy the dude an Apple Watch. The same way a guy is trying to either entertain you or spoil you to get brownie points, you have to think about how you can show him you’re truly different from the other girls he dated in the prior months. The secret that most women don’t know is that as men we see the same exact personality patterns. I went on a date with a girl who lived in Santa Monica who acted the same way as a girl from South Philly. Talked about the same things, laughed the same way, played shy at the same moments, and even gave up the panties in the same manner. It’s all parody because women are taught to dumb down their personalities around guys they like instead of being that fun person they are when with friends or family.

ARE YOU FUNNY? I’m not talking Tiffany Haddish, perform a damn stand up funny. Can you verbally spar with a man? Do you have wit? Can you recall a funny story? Are you able to point to something in the vicinity and make a funny observation? If the answer is “yes” then congratulations because not many women do that. Are you nasty? Yeah, you can recite rap lyrics about getting your ass ate and if this date goes well you might send him a nude, but 9 out of 10 women do that. In my book Ho Tactics, I broke down the psychology of what turns a man on because so many females are way too conservative to tread into that realm. You don’t want to come off like a hoe or a freak. Common sense dictates that a man will assume he’s going to hit by the end of the night regardless of what you say. You could read Bible verses and he’ll still try to get your bra off the moment you’re alone. Don’t let opinions curve your seduction techniques. When I say get nasty, I’m talking about promoting the idea of you as a sexual being. The way you dress. The way you yawn. The way you touch his hand or shoulder when he makes you laugh. It should all spell out S-E-X. When you’re talking, there is always an opportunity to say something slightly filthy. “Work has been killing me this week.” Smile, and grin, “See, I was hoping you had stamina.” That kind of daring retort will have a man in the palm of your hand. The more you bait him with lines like that or accidental touching, the more he wants you. By the time you give him a goodnight hug, there won’t be a doubt that he’s going to do whatever he can to see you again because you inspired lust and you left an impression with your personality. You’re the kind of Unicorn other girls only pretend to be.

PART 3: Securing the Right Man



Vetting = Taking time to learn a person’s true self via dates. Use This Always!

FOOL’S GOLD: “GL, I did everything in your book and I ended up with a guy, but he turned out to be trash just like the rest of them.” Is a real email I received. This woman and I corresponded for about a month and she laid out the entire relationships and without me saying anything she realized why she ended up with a trash ass man—she ignored the red flags because she really wanted him to work. We’re all in a rush. It’s an A.D.D generation where we want to stop dating and get into a relationship. Ladies, everything I write has been proven to work. Not because of me, but because you all are capable of Bossing up and taking what you want—men, job opportunities, anything. The warning label on life reads that not everything you want or attain will be right for you. You can make a list, do a vision board, manifest what you put your mind to, and then realize it wasn’t at all what you imagined. Know that you will have to let go of people, that you will misjudge character, and that some masks don’t come off at first pull. Fool’s Gold shines like the real thing, but it doesn’t hold up to constant inspection. That’s why you can’t afford to put all your eggs in ONE basket.

DATE MULTIPLE MEN: Every single woman should date multiple men. This doesn’t men sleep with, spend the night with, or even kiss multiple men. Dating means dating. You allow each man you deem worthy to take you out in order to impress you enough for another date. Simple. You meet Robert this week and yet met Jake last week. You don’t choose one or the other, you let them both take you out and see who is the most impressive. When men compete—YOU WIN. No excuse about how you don’t have the time or energy to juggle that many guys. If you can have ten tabs open on your phone and switch through four social media apps like it’s nothing, you can set up a date for Saturday and a date for Sunday. It’s not that hard. What you’re doing is trying to play nice. You want to seem like a loyal woman. LMAO! You’re loyal to an actual boyfriend not a guy who’s taking you out to AMC for popcorn and a movie. By dating multiple men, you level the playing field and keep yourself from being desperate. A woman with no options is more likely to settle than a woman with a roster.

A not so secret is that the more jealous you can make a man, the better. I’m not talking about flirting with guys in front of him or telling him he’s the third date of the week. Be smart and strategic. If he asks if you’re dating other people, tell him you’ve been testing the waters like any single woman should then flip it back on him. If he wants to know more details about other men, be aggressive and stern by telling him to focus on the two of you because he currently has your attention. Basicas never do this because they are scared to death about turning a man off. Spartans do it all the time because they understand that a man who knows he’s not your only option will work harder. Inside every grown man is a little boy that still has to be first. Use this knowledge! 

Remain vocal, never become a “Yes Woman” who wants to just lay up under a man

SAY WHAT YOU WANT: Today’s men no longer have to play along as if they want to be your man. “I’m not looking for anything serious,” or “I’m cool with being friends,” works in terms of getting sex. There are women that will actually go along as if they don’t have feelings for a guy. Get sucked into his world. Start to really like him and allow him to get girlfriend benefits as—just friends. Are you crazy or stupid? Pussy runs this world! You don’t have to compromise with a man to keep him around. If you want to build to a relationship not a situationship, tell him. If you know that “Friend” is a code word, object and tell him you’re not looking for a friend, you’re looking for someone that can potentially grow into a man. It doesn’t matter if a man is claiming he’s too busy, that his heart is still healing from the last girl, or that he’s just not sure, you are the master and commander of who you give your time to. Stop holding your tongue and going with the flow. “I’m not dating anyone else, no harm in just having a friend.” Yes there is, because you’re leading yourself on with a man who is going to end up choosing someone else in the end. She’ll get an easy lane to his heart and you’ll feel like a sucker for believing the excuses that he gave to you that suddenly don’t apply to her. You’re a grown ass woman, the moment you feel that a man has potential open your mouth. Don’t text it. Don’t beat around the bush. Say what you want. And if he doesn’t feel the same way—GOOD! You just saved yourself months of playing house to some one that was looking to lease not buy.

Epilogue: Prioritize Yourself

She comes before he. Your plans shouldn’t be compromised for his. Being a partner is a two-way street, just like he can reschedule, move you around, and cancel, you should never feel guilty if things pop up that will benefit your life. He will complain, suck his teeth, and get in his feelings. But the woman that does her, despite a man’s objections will always train her mate to respect her time, not waste it.

I’ve gone deeper on a lot of these topics in my books and on my site, but for those of you lost in the sauce, let this be a smack in the face to take the next step on the road to Spartanhood.

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Thanks for reading Dating Secrets That Every Woman Should Know

Settle Season – 5 Reasons To Stay Single During The Winter

It’s that season, to let someone you didn’t even like at first, waste your time for no reason…If I allowed you all to peek into some of the emails I get around the turn of the year, you would see things like, “He’snot my type but…” “He’s married but…”“He used to talk to my former best friend but…” “I’m not physically attracted to him but…” even, “I’m not a lesbian but…” Each of these stories have one thing in common, they show women making exceptions in terms of who they date because it’s the winter time aka SETTLE SEASON.

It was once written that from the day after Halloween to the day after Valentine’s Day, a man has his best chance to convince a woman to take a chance on him. Think about that from the POV of a Top Shelf Woman. You’re single, the parties are drying up, it’s becoming too cold to go to the club, and holiday fever begins to pelt your brain with this idea that you need someone to share these special times with. Thanksgiving brings the interrogation by family members about who you’re talking to or why haven’t you found that “right boy” yet. Christmas is a month-long build around who’s going to buy you something, take you somewhere, or be there to cuddle up and watch Love Actually with you. New Years is a celebration of the future, a proclamation this coming year will be better than next, but it’s hard to keep a hopeful spirit when you’re ringing in the new year alone as fuck, watching people on TV or at a party kiss as the ball drops. From there, it’s a blitz towards V-Day where our culture makes it clear that if you don’t have someone by the 14th of February then there must be something wrong with YOU. It’s all manufactured sadness, but that doesn’t make the emotions you feel any less real. The truth is you’re tired of being alone…

The solution for most women isn’t to Spartan up and go find the kind of man they want, it’s to be more receptive to hearing offers from damn near anyone that approaches her in public, slides in her DMs, or tries to get a friend of a friend to set him up. From work or school guys, to ex-boyfriends (yours or your former friends), and internet strangers, the winter isn’t as lonely as it seems because you will get pressured from all walks of life. The catch is 4 out of 5 of these men will be considered “not my type” based on looks, personality, or overall energy. Still, it’s cold, you’re not as busy as the summer or fall, and those jewelry commercials are making you long for someone to spoil you. What follows is you give your attention to one of these guys, he takes the ball and runs with it to the point where you kind of like him, and the next thing you know you’re either boo’d up or getting dicked down by the type of guy who you feel embarrassed by or suspect is using you.

One of my oldest readers reached out to let me know she was finally listening to the audio version of MDLWLY. People don’t just message me to tell me that, something was off. The real reason she returned to that book was that she was confused. She started to entertain a man who was suspect because it’s cold on the East Coast and she was bored. This guy was on his best behavior, got the sex, then started acting weird. She KNEW what was going to happen. She’s smart, very pretty, and well read in terms of all that I write, but she still got caught slipping because, say it with me- it’s settle season, and that’s what far too many great women do—settle for something warm and hard. Today I’m going to talk to those of you experiencing this or who will soon experience it before the season changes.

Warning 1 – Boredom Upgrades

Lust causes temporary insanity. It makes a committed man risk it all when alone in a room with a tempting woman. It makes an educated woman go dumb over a fuck boy when he’s spraying the right compliments in her ear. It makes everyone reading this, go against their own common sense, and end up right back here going through my archives for advice. Human beings are impulsive to the point where we get tunnel vision and convince ourselves that we should have what we want in the moment with no regard to the next day. One reason you should avoid committing during settle season is that you’re not thinking properly. Your brain will make an excuse at every red flag, which will then cause several signs of toxic behavior to be missed on the road to catching feelings and/or having sex too fast.

He’s not that funny, you’re just bored. He’s not that handsome, you just don’t have anyone else flattering you and showering attention. His dick isn’t that bomb, you’re just insanely horny. That Ex is not a changed man, he’s just wearing a tighter mask to hide the fact that he’s the same piece of shit you used to know. The guy at work is not really into you, he just sees that you’re being more receptive than normal so he shoots his shot. That corny guy with money is not a sucker who’s going to trick and spoil you, he’s just a treat who’s going to spend enough to create the illusion until those legs spread. Always give yourself a cooling off point to analyze why you want a person. Lusting after attention, sex, money, or general companionship blinds your common sense, and by the time you realize it the damage will already be done. “What was I thinking dealing with him,”you weren’t thinking, and that’s the problem.

Ladies, I know the game. I’ve run the game. I have buddies who are currently knee deep in this game and winning. Stop saying, “But what if”as you look to make him the exception and instead pump your breaks. If this guy is a stranger that’s worth your time, an ex that seems remorseful, or any viable option, what’s wrong with being patient? Stop rushing to let him come over because it’s cold and you don’t want to date properly. Stop texting him every day because life is slow, and you need entertainment. Stop being lazy and sloppy! Check your hormones and learn to masturbate before you allow the long days to make you easier to fuck than usual. If he wants you and if you want him,cool, but this time should be used to build not already hook up on an accelerated schedule, so you can live out some Zale’s commercial fantasy.

Warning 2 – The Options Test

Someone made a joke that Lira Mercer and Kaylar Will didn’t have any standards because they let some ugly rich dude bust them down raw. I shook my head at that level of judgement because the same woman tweeting that joke once slid in my DMs crying about an ugly broke dude who hit it and ghosted her. Pot calling Kettle, do you copy?

The fact of the matter is most of you reading this date down because the type of men you want don’t come your way… and if they do, you’re too shy to talk or flirt with them. ‘Tis the season to let all kinds of men who you wouldn’t talk to in the summer infiltrate your mind, heart, and vagina. A woman with a lack of options transforms into a woman with lowered standards because the lack of success rattles her confidence to the point where she damn near anyone in. So how do you keep yourself honest so that the standards in your head match those in real life? I want each woman who gets approached over the next few months to run a test on themselves.

Step 1) Does this guy meet your minimum standards of looks,career, ambition, and respect for women?

Step 2) If you were alone at a bar, is he the type of guy you would blindly start talking to or engage with if he spoke first?

Step 3) If you had another guy on your roster, would you still be giving this guy your time?

The fact of the matter is women don’t date multiple men,they date one at a time, allowing that ONE man to monopolize her time and steal her heart. The irony is that women are very picky on the surface. Most can look at a guy on a Reality Show and judge how unattractive he is. Yet, in real life they give their numbers out to guys who don’t look as good as the guy who they deem ugly on TV. My friend in Atlanta had a list that she would use when texting men before she allowed them on a date, but she only used it once and went back to dating whoever asked nicely take her out. I point these things out because each of those steps above you think you can do… but when push comes to shove it takes energy to date with standards, and a lot of you don’t want to put energy into your love life, you just want Magic Mike to drop in your lap.

Why do men who aren’t that attractive approach you? It’s not because you’re ugly. Why do players approach you? It’s not because they think you’re dumb. Men take calculated risks, no matter if he’s ugly, fat, broke, has a girlfriend already, or is misogynistic, he’s banking on catching you at the right time when your self-esteem is low. Most of these men won’t meet your standards, but you will give them a shot because you don’t have anyone else. Most of these guys aren’t the type you would approach or even chit chat with if you were in the same line at Starbucks because they don’t have the swag you desire. Finally, most of these guys wouldn’t even get a text back if you had another man trying to win you over. Nevertheless, he sneaks into your life, he wins you over, and he proves that you aren’t as picky as you are in your head. I don’t give a fuck how lonely you get, how bad you want a Christmas present, or not to be alone on NYE, if the guy chasing you doesn’t past the Options Test from above, then you shouldn’t be talking to him.

Warning 3 – Catching Feelings

I get it, you’re a grown ass woman who can date, fuck, or simply kill time with whoever she wants to, and you don’t see the crime in that. I know that personality type well, but I also know how those strong and stubborn women ultimately end up when they play with a fire called “emotional bonding”. While there are those who can have casual sex, smoke and watch Netflix, or simply partner up with a guy to cuddle and make out with for a few months, it’s rare. We as men are possessive and competitive. Think about how men act like we DON’T want anything serious, only to amp up our behavior and treat you like it is serious? It’s confusing right?Men aren’t bi-polar, they’re just full of shit. Show an egotistical or narcissistic guy a woman who just wants to chill, and I’ll show you a man that keeps upping his game until she’s more like his wife than his Ozark cuddle buddy. He doesn’t want you for real, he just wants to prove to himself that he has the power to win you over, despite whatever “I’m not looking for a relationship” excuse you gave at the start.

You hear what I’m saying but you’re not the type to get caught up. Yeah, okay… One of the main reasons you shouldn’t commit or give too much of your energy during settle season is that feelings aren’t like faucets. Every woman has an emotional trigger. A guy who doesn’t want anything can be a turn on that makes certain ladies chase. A guy who opens up about his life and even sheds tears can win over a woman who used to think all men were cold and detached. A guy who speaks your love language and shows you the level of attention you’ve always wanted will be a shock to your system that has you falling in love (and on his dick) without warning. I don’t care how hard you are or how emotionless you pretend to be, if you spend enough time with someone that responds to your personality in a positive way, puts a smile on your face, and touches your heart, you will catch serious feelings even in a casual situationship. Don’t be one of these women that think they’re in control, only to realize that some guy she never took seriously has her in her feelings.

Waring 4 – Catching The Holy Ghost(ed)

Ghosting before Christmas, Ghosting at the top of the new year, Ghosting before V-Day plans get solidified. I’ve seen it all over the years and it’s usually those women who said they wouldn’t catch feelings that are left looking like idiots.

Spartan Lesson 36: Men will win you over just to prove they could win you over, feel satisfied with their conquest, then leave you without warning to go chase someone new.

Are you a Spartan or are you a Basica? Basicas don’t see this hustle coming because they’re filled with lust, are thirsty for winter company, or are too high on their own ego to recognize that even a man that isn’t handsome, isn’t rich, and isn’t very smart can still play you. “He didn’t use me, I used him.” If that were true you wouldn’t be stalking his IG, searching for pictures of his new girl, and venting about the situation to everyone who will listen.

If you only wanted to use a guy as a winter-time boy toy then you should have fucked him twice and blocked his number. You kept fucking him, you kept bonding with him, you kept allowing that little Disney Princess mentality that you have yet to banish from your mind gas you up into thinking this guy you barely wanted may be what you needed. Of course, it hurt like hell when he ghosts you because your ego blinded you to the fact that you’re not as irreplaceable as you tell the internet you are. Every woman can get played if she opens herself up to manipulation. Over-stand that before you blindly hook up with someone you don’t think is a threat to your heart.

Bonus – Men Settle Too

There are just as many insecure men as there are women. It may seem like females struggle with love the most, but males, especially those under 30, are so scared of rejection that during settle season they go for what they consider low hanging fruit. The woman at his job that’s not as pretty as the other ladies– and knows it. The voluptuous woman who thinks she’s too fat to find love. The young chick who’s naive and inexperienced– but legal enough that it doesn’t seem creepy for him to holler. These are just a few of the types guys with low self-esteem chase after, sweep off their feet, then realize that something isn’t right. If you want to understand the mind of men, look no further than how hot he runs when in the grip of passion, then after it wears off he’s distant and mumbling shit like, “I need to figure myself out first…“ Um, shouldn’t you have figured that out before you stuck your dick in her and told her you loved her, playboy?

I write a lot about male confidence building in my book She Ain’t It, because it’s a waste of time to go after those you feel are flawed in order to get the level of love you want from your ideal woman. It’s not that these men are bad guys or even plan this out consciously, it’s often a knee jerk reaction that has them flirting with someone against type, and because he’s just as lonely and as just as horny as the woman he’s pursing is, and it goes too far. Of course this leaves those women asking, “Why did you even chase me if you didn’t want me.” To which that confused man is left shrugging his shoulders. Ladies, these men are emotionally stupid. Hopefully by hurting your feelings he will learn to mature, but in the meantime you have to look out for yourself. If someone is suddenly showing you more attention than normal or being extra, ask yourself what his agenda is before gobbling it up.

Warning 5 – Getting Stuck

The final reason to stay single during Settle Season is simple. Your options will improve along with the temperature. Think about how happy people are in summer, energy radiates, that positive vibe you feel projects outward. If you want to talk about the Law of Attraction, then why wouldn’t you attract more during a season where you feel the best? Men will come out of nowhere trying to talk to you, you’ll be bold enough to flirt with guys randomly, you may even bump into an old crush who finally takes notice. All these romantic gifts will keep rolling in, but you can’t do shit about it because you chose to settle down with a guy that wasn’t your type. One by one guys who you would take down in an instant pop into your life and you must force yourself to stay positive about a winter time“something to do” project who you ignorantly chained yourself to.

I talk a lot about toxic men, but there are just as many, if not more, guys who are total sweethearts and who won’t play you, ghost you, or manipulate you in any way. As you know, being nice and sweet doesn’t make him right for you. One email I received years ago was from a woman who cheated on her “nice guy” because he wasn’t exciting. In her story she wrote that they met when she went out Thanksgiving night, she only gave him her number because she hadn’t been on a date in six months, and they ended up official because he did treat her special during that first 3-month honeymoon stage. Her GUT INSTINCT told her he wasn’t it, but she pushed it down and kept going as if this “nice guy” was a messenger from god. Here she was by May, bent over another man’s couch, unsure how to breakup with a boyfriend she no longer wanted. Cold World.

Ladies, I know you want to live the prototypical winter love story and have someone you can bundle up with when there’s little to do and every commercial is about being in love. Fuck that noise. You’re going to make a bad decision because you can’t see the forest through the trees! Your social life will pick up again, you’ll be able to go out and look cute in your spring outfits or rock that new hairstyle minus a hat or coat, and there will be various men who are drawn to you once you are in a better mood. To short change yourself for temporary relief is a crime against your own future!

This isn’t to say, “don’t date at all”. This is a warning to always date, but to do so at the highest level regardless of the season. What do I write about in all my books and throughout the archives of this site—Date smart, date fearless, and date like you’re the prize because you are. Let go of that basic mindset that you’re not going to find anyone new, that one option is better than no option, or that you’re not good enough to attract what you really need. Have faith in yourself, Queen.

Take numbers, be open minded, stay aggressive, and go on dates, but never let a lack of instant success force you to give up a roster spot if you’re not truly blown away. It doesn’t matter what month it is, what situation you’re recovering from, or how low or high you’re feeling about your dating life, your self-worth must remain untouchable. Walmart has 50% off holiday sales, not Gucci. You’re a luxury brand, act like it.

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Why Won’t He Let Go Even When He Doesn’t Want You?

Life could be so simple if the man you like/love/crush on would just stop playing games. Why is he so hot and cold? Why is he unwilling to fully commit? Why does he push you away only to pull you back in? Is he testing you? Is it your fault? Him Him Him, is all you think about and it’s driving you crazy! Truth Bomb: The man you want doesn’t actually want you. He can say that he loves you, explain all the reasons why he needs more time, or shift the blame to you as the reason he acts the way he does, but regardless of the details, it doesn’t change the fact that you are sinking in a boat known as “Relationship Purgatory”. The dark side of dating is that for every cute social media couple there even more messy situationship couples who are trapped in one of the following:

On Again Off Again – Two people that are technically in a relationship but are always going on break then getting back together to the point where neither knows what they are anymore.

Friends With Benefits – Two people that have agreed to use each other for sex and/or company with a loose agreement that neither wants something serious.

Stalled Dating Stage – Two people that are deep into the dating stage, but no one has brought up exclusivity, therefore both remain single, frustrating the person who wants to be in a real relationship.

Unofficial Yet Official – Two people that agree not to see anyone else and do everything that boyfriends and girlfriends do, yet keeps the option for someone new open by not committing to a label or title.

Few people in those relationships listed above are happy, they’re content and satisfied in the moment when they’re with that person, but no woman wants to be in some half-ass relationship where she doesn’t 100% know what to label it. You’re giving Girlfriend Benefits to a man who isn’t even sure about you– you proud of that? You’re giving Wife Benefits to a guy who doesn’t even return your calls– this the life you imagined? As you all know, I get an enormous amount of email each week. A constant question is, “How can I get him to be like he used to?” or “How can I tell him that I changed my mind and want a commitment?” I bet the most googled question after the guy you’re crazy over has YET to text back is: Why won’t he let me go if he doesn’t want me.

“This Could Be Us But You’re Playing“. Ha! In a man’s mind there is no “us”. If he wanted to be with you, he would make it happen. If he’s “playing” then he’s telling you to read between the LINES: He doesn’t want to live a fairy tale with you, he just wants to keep milking the cow for free until a better version of you comes along! Common sense isn’t so common when feelings get involved. No matter how smart you are, falling in love will make you do some basic ass things, like hold on for too long and allow a man to waste the best years of your life. Today I’m going to talk about insight into the male mind. I’ve written about the solution to this problem in my book, but sometimes it’s not about what to do, it’s about the “why”. When your heart is breaking, you don’t want someone telling you to walk away, you just want to know why this man has changed—Is it you? Is it another woman? Is it him? There’s no way to jump into the mind of all men and generalize, but I will try to shed light on the top reasons I’ve seen, heard, witnessed, and even done myself.

You Lost Your Luster

Looks. Personality. Attitude. If any of these things change in a man’s mind while dating or in a relationship with you, he will lose interest quick. Let’s backtrack and take you through each trait starting with Looks. As men, we go for looks above all else, you know that. The thing 90% of women lose track of is that when we talk about “looks” it isn’t about being Magazine Cover pretty, it’s a wide net that encompasses a bunch of x-factors which inspires LUST. Men chase their fetishes. All any woman has to do to attract a man is to have some trait that taps into a fetish, which then inspires his lust. He’ll give chase, and at that point you’re in control. While he’s hypnotized and thinking with his dick or getting overly romantic, that’s when you can fully win him over with your personality and attitude. Sounds easy right? No, because most women don’t understand male lust enough to use it against them. They see a cute boy chasing them, get excited, and give in to him without exercising power over his lust-filled MIND. For example, I once dated a girl who had these incredible breasts but an okay face. It was only after sex that the lust dissipated and I realized that she wasn’t at all what I wanted. My hormones fetishized her and there was no real personality trait that changed my mind to look past that. This is how men operate on a subconscious level. Other men may be more into a big butt, a certain skin tone, lip size, shit I even have a friend who is obsessed with extremely muscular women. The point is, each man you meet will take a look at you and like you on the surface because no matter how you look, there is a fetish aspect that triggers him to chase you… at first that is.

Personality and Attitude are deeper than looks, but it can also be misleading. When you first met this guy, he saw you on your best behavior. On a date or during that first week of texting, you’re a novelty act, saying all the right things and having all of those exciting new conversations where you talk about your past and future. Men aren’t these tough creatures, we fall fast and get swept up in the idea of a woman we first meet because she’s new and vibrant. The attitude you display matches this positive personality because you have no reason to get smart, be defensive, or raise your voice this early on. If you have above average charm, then that first week or so you’re going to come off like the perfect woman. You’re being different from these Basicas he’s used to dating, and he repays this by giving you his attention and affection to the point where it feels like you’ve finally won at love. This is the point where most of you were the happiest. It seemed to be going up up up…then suddenly the wheels fall off. Why? The luster wore off on either your Looks, Attitude, or Personality.

No matter how tight your vagina is, sex alone won’t keep his attention after he’s had his fill.

Being pretty eventually wears off, and he goes from “oh my god” to “oh, it’s her“.

If your personality gives way to normal chit chat and redundant questions, he becomes bored.

Losing your luster happens silently. He doesn’t say anything, but you feel it, don’t you? It drives you crazy that you can’t read his mind to ask him why he’s not reacting to you like he used to or why his energy level is dying out. But you don’t need to read his mind to understand what’s going on. When a man is inconsistent, isn’t trying to move forward, or giving you bullshit reasons for why the relationship has stalled, think about Looks, Personality, and Attitude. He most likely doesn’t think your “pretty” is worth it anymore. Why? The fetish has been satisfied. He had sex with you or got to the point where sex with you wasn’t even something he wanted any longer because you stopped turning him on. Next up is personality. In this case, he still wants you physically but now that he’s gotten to know you emotionally he doesn’t like the things you’re into or talk about. Finally, you have your attitude. He’s no longer trying to make things official because your attitude is shitty. Maybe you do have an attitude problem that makes you annoying, but most likely it’s him not being able to handle the real you. Now that you’re comfortable around him you stand up for yourself or argue points more than you did when you were in the honeymoon stage of the relationship. Remember that some men like the novelty of new women because it’s fun and they can get away with things, once you two bond and you start to speak your mind or make demands, it turns off controlling or narcissistic men. He didn’t sign up for a strong woman, he wanted the weak, nice, and submissive, so now that the luster is gone he’s waiting for the right time to ghost you or have a reason to cut ties.

You Weren’t Who He Thought You Were

It would be unfair for me to blame the man for everything, there are many cases when the cooling off isn’t due to his own ego or immaturity, but yours. I’ve come across several women who needed to work on themselves, not date, because their entire disposition was toxic. A wise person never points fingers outward until they first point them inward! Who are you as a woman? Are you nagging? Are you clingy? Are you annoying? Are you jealous? Are you eternally pessimistic? Do you overthink everything? Do you like to argue just to argue? Are you a boring homebody? Are you an attention seeking party girl? Do you live for internet likes? Do you live for gossip? Do you actually have things you’re doing with your life? Are you the type of woman that leads or follows? It may seem like men only care about sex, but we do pay attention to deep character traits as well. The reason he doesn’t want you anymore could have everything to do with you not measuring up to the high expectations he projected when you two first met.

“She was so cool at first,” I’ve heard my male friends say this line time and time again. It’s only a matter of time before everyone’s masks comes off, and they’re exposed as either the love you wanted, or the wake up call you needed. For instance, my friend dated a woman who was all about being an entrepreneur and had some great business ideas, then her talk stopped, and her demons came out in the form of drinking too much and blaming all of her setbacks in life on her mother. Again, who are you? Are you fake-deep, fake-positive, or just on a high after reading the latest gimmick self-help book? The Daddy Issues will come out and he won’t want you. The pain from your ex will come out and he won’t want you anymore. The self-loathing you carry around will come out and he won’t want you anymore. Men aren’t trying to fix what another man broke! He’ll hang in there, pretend that everything is fine, but all he’s doing at that point is waiting for a right time to exit your life.

You Were Just Something To Do

Let’s keep it real, many of you will become involved with men who don’t think that you are that attractive, that charismatic, or that interesting. Why would any man chase a woman he doesn’t think highly of? Because men always need something or someone to do, when bored! You were a woman who happened to be at the right place during the right time in his life, and he pursued you because it was convenient and easy. That may hurt to read, but I’m not going to hold your hand and sugar coat this, so you keep allowing men to pick you up and put you down like some toy. You need to know how guys think so you can stop letting your ego blind you. You are a good time girl, low maintenance, and require little energy exertion because you just want to be picked. Any savvy man can spot a weak and lonely woman with little to no options, so he will keep you around until he totally exhausts your usefulness. That’s it. All of the sweet words he says—lies to keep you on the leash. All of the nice things he did for you—keeping up appearances so you stay put. All of the things you swear prove that he cares about you—just a magic trick to maintain the status quo. You’re a placeholder, a seat filler, Ms. Inconsequential.

He Wants Someone Else

There are men who truly love you, at one point maybe they were even In Love… but he was presented with the temptation of something better and now he’s souring on you as “the one”. Shit happens. We live in an age where even the most average guy is exposed to beautiful women who are only one keyboard stroke away. We live in a world where single women are often turned on by a taken men, and don’t mind showing your “guy friend” she’s a better fit. Men who were never truly in love are easily tempted. How do you know it’s another woman and not one of the other things I’ve listed? You will notice a change overnight when he’s set his sights on another woman. Men can juggle women in terms of sex, but few can juggle them in terms of emotions. If his mind is filling with thoughts of her, he doesn’t want to take you on dates, do romantic things, or give you any of the treatment you were accustomed to because that energy is reserved for this new girl. Sure, he can still fake a kiss, sex, and play the role of putting you first, but the fact that he’s changed up and is confusing you with his actions is usually proof that another woman has replaced you on the pecking order. Maybe he’ll leave you for her once he finds the courage to break the news to you. Maybe she really doesn’t want him and he’ll be forced to stick it out with you for a little longer. Either way, trust your gut when it whispers, “He must have found a new girl,” because 8 out of 10 times, it’s true.

He’s A Coward

Not every male you meet will be a man. There are countless guys with little boy mentalities when it comes to love. Relationships scare emotionally immature men because they know they have flaws that will eventually lead them to screwing up a good thing. It doesn’t matter how loyal, considerate, or drama free you are, if a guy has a history of heartbreak he won’t know how to receive what you’re trying to give. The more energy you poor into trying to get him to trust and love you, the more he will push you away because it’s not about you fixing him, it’s about him needing time to grow into a man on his own. A “good woman” is not the cure for a broken man! If you’re feeling confused as to what you’re doing wrong or guilt over not being able to make him act right, you need to stop buying into this idea that love cures all. A lot of these men are damaged, emotionally stunted, and flat out cowards who only know how to behave during that honeymoon period. The more they start to feel vulnerable, the more they start to panic. Fear of being loved causes anxiety. They lash out at you, throw other women in your face, or ghost you, because they are afraid to put their heart in the hands of a woman who could hurt them. Once his anxiety dissipates, he comes running back with hollow words of appreciation, gifts, and maybe a few weeks of consistent behavior that wins you back. It’s a hustle, beloved. Stop trying to convince him you’re not like the rest, and find someone that is healthy enough to recognize, receive, and repay real effort and love.

Accept That He Will Never Be Into You

“Why is he being so hard to read?” He isn’t being hard to read, he just doesn’t like you. The problem is you can’t accept that someone who got to know you, slept with you, and witnessed the best you had to offer can still be like—Nah this ain’t it. Your ego pushes you on the defensive and you think of every other excuse as to why this man is acting different… except the obvious fact that you’re no longer his type or were never his type from the beginning. Stop trying to rationalize toxic male behavior by looking for clues and look dead in the face at what his actions are telling you. His inconsistency is proof that he’s gone cold on you. Move. The. Hell. On.

BUT G.L., he keeps reaching out to me to apologize, he is starting to act way nicer, I blocked his number and he still found ways to contact me. This effort proves that a part of him DOES want me….

Oh Basica, let me break this down one last time– Most men don’t like to burn bridges. So long as he can get sex, attention, or other benefits that you’ve spoiled him with, he will not let you move on. If you try to give him an ultimatum, he’ll fight to keep you, not because he loves you, but because he loves having control over you. If you try to get another man, he’ll act jealous, not because he wants you back, but because he’s greedy and competitive. A man being nicer than before or making an effort AFTER the fact, isn’t proof of change, it’s proof that he always knew how to treat you, but never felt a need to do so until you fell back on him. What’s wrong with your mind that you think chasing you is the same as caring about you? Stop reading too deep into the basic actions of manipulative men and find a guy who will give you that energy the jump! You can’t allow mixed signals to chain you to a hot and cold man that pushes you away then pulls you back. You can’t allow the fear of never finding someone as compatible as he is to make you settle for being a placeholder.

All these women out here, why does he stick around if he doesn’t want me? Because you allow it. No man has power over you unless you give it to him. You keep trying to make it work, you keep hanging in there, you keep looking for ways to make him love you for real, you keep rewarding his behavior with loyalty. Enough is enough! “Let me go, since you act like you don’t want to be with me,” must be replaced with, “I’m gone.” Take control of your life, don’t be a victim.

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How To Spot Red Flags

A woman dates a man for three months and after they finally have sex, she pushes him for a commitment. The guy goes to the bathroom, comes back ten minutes later and confesses that he loves her BUT already has a girlfriend and he wouldn’t feel right. He felt right about dating this woman. He felt right about texting her nearly every day. He felt right about putting his face between her legs… but now he’s thinking about his girlfriend. The woman who told me this story vented about how horrible men are and how she’s through with dating. I simply asked— Did you miss the red flag of his relationship because he was that good at hiding it or did you blind yourself because you wanted him to work?

A man courts a woman for the better half of a year, then they agree to give a real relationship a chance. Not even a week later the girl is in his apartment going through his closet, demanding the passcode to his computer, and accusing him of cheating. Even after the man gives her full range of all of his devices, she’s still not satisfied and it’s an argument every time he doesn’t answer the phone or isn’t home by a certain time. Finally, the man runs into a friend of a friend who says, “Yeah, she burned her ex with an iron while he was sleep.” The guy telling me that story was pointing out to me that no matter how nice you treat females, they’re all crazy and will find a way to push a “good man” away. I simply asked—Did you miss the red flags during the entire year you were dating her because she was that good at hiding her damage or did you blind yourself because you wanted her to work?

Not all men are users and predators and not all women are crazy and overly emotional, if this is all you know, then it’s time to look at the choices YOU MAKE when dating. No one should jump in a relationship after a few weeks, the dating process should last at least 1-3 months before you make a final choice. In that time, you mean to tell me you miss all the signs that this person is sneaky, jealous, has anger issues, or is prone to lies or exaggerations? I know that Red Flags can be hard to spot when you’re caught up in the moment of new love/lust/like but you’re an adult who must take responsibility for his or her choices. This isn’t about easy stuff like if they drink too much, don’t have a job, or any surface level traits you can pick up on. The red flags that ruin most of you are the things you need to look for over time. Don’t cry about effort and not having time to be a detective; a lasting relationship isn’t like a damn Disney movie, it requires actual work. Your only job is to be careful with your heart because the person you’re dating damn sure won’t. If you’ve been on the wrong end of a bad relationship that you now regret, then the security system to your heart and mind is defective. Maybe it’s your ego. Maybe you’re naïve. Maybe you’re plain old slow. Either way, it’s time to fill those holes so no one can every play you for a fool again.

Dating Stage Red Flags

Consistency Holes: The first week or two of dating will have that person on their best behavior, but there are several things you can do to poke holes in their act. For instance, a woman that’s trying to hustle a man out of money or just wants male attention will tease, but she won’t get too intimate. Any smart man knows that body language, if she allows him to kiss her, and her overall energy when reaching out to him will give away her true feelings. “I’m shy… I like to take it slow…” should fade after a few dates, if not that’s an obvious Red Flag that she’s hustling you. The same goes for dating women who are carrying some kind of damage. Snapping when you don’t text back, getting a random attitude, allowing one comment to drastically change her mood. That’s not a result of you not knowing how to talk to women, that’s proof that she’s battling some kind of internal demon. Fear of being rejected, played, or not being good enough will drive a seemingly great girl to sabotage and expose her true self because mentally she’s not built to deal with any man except her asshole exes or similarly damaged guys who speak her toxic love language. As I wrote in She Ain’t It, most men ignore everything I just wrote, not because they’re “Captain Save-A-Ho” but because it’s hard to see past that pretty face or insane body to do the work in the moment.

Women tend to miss Red Flags like Shaq missed free throws. Why? Because men often mask their flaws behind nice treatment. Ladies, think about the blitz a man puts on you when he first meets you. He’s trying his best to impress you and he’s showering you with attention. Even during his “nice guy” sales pitch, there are ways to expose the Red Flags. Communication is a big one. You can’t allow a man to just text you and see you. If he’s hiding a girlfriend, if he doesn’t actually do the work he claimed to do, or if he simply sees you as a new vagina not really worth his time, the communication will be limited to the easy text chit chat. Liars don’t want to get on the phone. On the phone you can ask questions, you can hear what’s going on in the background, you can catch him in his lies instantly. His best bet is to keep it text based and say, “I don’t really like the phone.” Men in relationships can only see you during certain times or call you during certain times, right? Instead of going with the flow, throw a wrench in their game. They text you—call them. They want to go out at 8pm on Friday, tell them to make it for the next night. What this does is open the door to hearing their excuse for not being able to do it, then later testing that excuse…

Red Flag Test: A man that’s juggling other women or who doesn’t really want to date you seriously will ignore your phone call and text back later… he was sleep, didn’t have his phone near him, or in a place with bad service. Obvious lies! A man that has a live-in girlfriend or has another date can’t take you out other than the time he gave you because his weekend is booked. Instead he’ll tell you, “Oh I have to do something for my mother that night.” Another lie. Not every excuse is bullshit, but early on you must push these people outside of their comfort level to see if they keep coming up with similar excuses. If he does that same “my phone didn’t have service” lie the next week—Red Flag. If he can’t meet up on a different day than he tried to arrange for a second week in a row—Red Flag. If the only thing he’s consistent about is trying to see you so he can try for sex and the rest of his life remains a mystery—Red Flag. Stop wasting multiple weeks or months on these clowns, and apply pressure during that first week. If you allow yourself to be led and charmed, you’ll give them the benefit of the doubt, and by the time they show their true colors you’ll feel stupid because you had a chance to stop yourself from falling hard early on.

Crooked Answers: Actions take time to test, but words are instant. When you’re on the phone or in person, your best weapon when vetting is asking deep questions. I wrote about this in MDLWLY and so many women have written in about how it was a life saver. The goal isn’t to catch someone in a lie. The goal is to listen to them tell on themselves or dodge questions. If you ask a woman who just got out of a bad relationship where she was the negative force, what happened to her last boyfriend, you will get a bias and pre-planned response. Everyone is prepared to answer the easy question about why they are currently single, and every will give you a version that makes them seem like the victim. Your job is to flip the script and ask, “What was the last big argument you got in with a man,” and watch how her wheels start spinning. Everyone likes to tell stories and express themselves, right? That question will cause her to open up a little, knock up against some personal pain, and give you a way to easily keep pushing her until she gives away more than she wanted.

The same thing applies for women who are dating men who are full of shit or hiding baggage. Ladies, you will meet guys who lie about everything from the job they have, to the car they actually drive, to their relationship status. Don’t sit on the phone or across from him on a dinner date and let him just flirt and blow smoke up your ass about the moves he’s making, how his ex-girlfriend cheated on him, or any tall tale that makes him a saint. Ask specific things about his job title. Ask about the people he knows. Talk about popping up to visit him at his home. Push him to tell you a real story from his past relationship, not just the generic, “she was crazy,” lines. Liars get nervous when you get near the truth! Dates are meant to softly interrogate not giggle and talk about your horoscopes.

Lazy Effort: A huge Red Flag will come in the form of effort… or lack thereof. The first month or two is the honeymoon period, right? They like you a lot, they’re trying to see you twice in a row, they’re trying to make big plans. It’s a gold rush. Maybe this impassioned effort is because they see you as special or maybe it’s to get you comfortable to the point where they can have sex or exploit you in other ways. Men especially deal in equity. If he took you to a good dinner, brought you something, or did you a favor—He loosens your suspicions. Most of you reading this have dealt with men who didn’t treat you to nice things or weren’t romantic, so to meet a man who goes above and beyond puts him ahead on the score card. Now that he’s ahead on the score card you may notice something interesting. No more fancy dates. No more gifts. No more favors that he has to go out of his way to do. You can’t get too mad, because self-guilt dictates that he did all of that stuff before, so he’ll do it again soon. Soon never comes, and by the time you figure out he hustled you he’s already gotten you to agree to house dates, had sex, or won you over with his personality to the point where you aren’t going to stop talking to him, despite him not treating you the way he did when you first met.

A person’s effort towards you tells you everything you need to know. Expose this Red Flag by keeping your foot on the gas during the dating stage. If you’re not in an official relationship, stay demanding! It’s too early to always want to chill at the house. It’s too early to be telling you they’re too busy or don’t feel like seeing you. It’s too early to be taking you for granted like you’re just some Basic ass side project. If the way they treat you dips each week you know them, it’s not a coincidence, it’s proof that they’re trying to train you to settle for less. Don’t roll with the punches, don’t buy into the excuses that they’re tired or busy, don’t let them guilt you by bringing up the things they did for you in the past. This is the real them, that other person was just a representative. Take this lazy effort seriously as a sign that if you do continue on, things will keep declining to the point where you will be yet another person stuck in an unfulfilling relationship.

Relationship Stage Red Flags…

Runs Away from Talks: Communication is King. It sounds cliché, but most of you don’t know how to communicate about how to communicate. Follow me? You know how to bring things up after the fact, you know how to act passive, you know how to erupt when you’re sick of holding it all in. But do you know the art of killing arguments before they form? Every couple needs at least an hour of alone time to just talk. Forget Netflix, forget going out, forget vacations—you need to talk for an hour at least three times a week. In long relationships the conversations become about nothing. How was work—No one cares. Guess what mess your friend got into with her boyfriend—No one cares. What do you want to eat—No one cares. Real talks disappear in long term relationships and gets replaced by chit chat and gossip. Isolate each other from that world and open up about larger topics. Mentally how do you feel? How do they feel? Bring up a TEDTalk or a book you read. If something is bothering you ask for advice. If you have a problem with something they recently did, now’s the time to bring it up calmly. You should be constantly getting to know each other even in a relationship by having Quality Time. If the person you’re with stone walls you, gives you one sentence answers, or isn’t interested in being transparent about their own inner thoughts, then you have a problem. Distance can’t grow if you two are open books. If they shut down or want to keep it chit chat, then it’s only a matter of time before the relationship crumbles.

Attitude Around Others: Watch your girlfriend or boyfriend around other people. Observe how they talk to your friends, how they look at your co-workers, and the comments they make in public about service workers or even random strangers that you come across. I get a lot of email from women who found themselves in abusive relationships. The common trait most times was that their boyfriends isolated them from their friends, talked down to other people, and showed all the signs of being a narcissistic asshole months before they turned their sites on the woman. In the early relationship stage, miserable, angry, and bitter people will direct that energy to other people because it’s too early to take shots at you. Don’t laugh when he says racist remarks, don’t think he has your back when he’s talking down about your friends being snakes, and don’t think he has your back when he nods along that your family members have issues. Once he divides you from your support system, it’s game over. It’s easy to manipulate with half-truths, “I thought you said she was a liar, now you’re listening to her about us?” or “Didn’t your mother say that about your last boyfriend, you know she’s just jealous of you.” Don’t confuse protecting you with preying on you!

Look for a partner who has positive things to say about friends and family or if there are issues, observe how they give you the floor to talk without feeling a need to double down and cosign. A decent person will be all ears, they won’t automatically jump to the negative that they need to be cut off. Give them time alone with your friends or associates, like when going to the bathroom or networking at a party. The more rope you give a person to do something sneaky the greater odds they will do it. When you wait too long to expose the fact that they’re overly flirty, talk too much about personal issues, or puts you down behind your back, you won’t want to address it because you’re in too deep. Use other people as tools to test the person behind the mask sooner than later.

New Routines: How can you grow apart from someone you still love? How can distance form even when you sleep under the same roof? Easy, first the communication breaks down, then the excitement fizzles, and in turn you go from being a couple in love to…furniture—you’re just there. I talk to a lot of women who grow bored with their boyfriends’ lack of romance or creativity, so they start to take on “friends” or hang with girlfriends that are still single and down to have fun. In EVERY one of those cases the girl ends up having a physical or emotional affair because the other guy (or even girl) lights a fire that her boyfriend doesn’t. I personally know several men who can’t stand to be at home with their girls on the weekend and are constantly looking to have a guy’s night or go drinking. Just the other week I got hit with, “Come out with us, your wife got your balls in her hands?” The difference was, I enjoy hanging out with my wife, he loathes hanging out with his girlfriend.

In your relationship, there’s space, and then there’s straying. Pay attention to the Red Flag of new routines because while they start off as innocent they can quickly evolve into something that will tear you apart. Affairs, new circles of friends, and even the realization that they are happier being single without you. If you see this happening, don’t yell, don’t try to limit where they go, hit the source of the problem—why don’t we do things together anymore? Once again, communication is needed along with patience. If you have a talk about incorporating each other into more exciting things and going out more, but they continue to run off to do them, it’s already over.

 

Situationship Stage Red Flags…

Control Minus the Label: Many of you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend, you have a “friend”. Someone that understands that you don’t want anything serious (or so you claim) and is there to scratch your emotional or physical itch while you’re trying to figure out what you really want. The problem with situationships are that they are rarely balanced. A huge Red Flag is when your situationship bae begins to dictate what you can and can’t do and lays a guilt trip when you go against their wishes. For example; If you’re a woman who has a fuck buddy that you see every Saturday, take a week off from seeing him. If he responds by accusing you of seeing someone else, tries to guilt you, or any mind game tactic, then he’s showing you that this isn’t Friends with Benefits, he sees you as his concubine. He wants boyfriend benefits minus the title, because he wants to still sleep with other women as they pop up, while holding onto you. Some women and men don’t mind being controlled because they’re hoping the situationship grows into something legit. Spoiler Alert it doesn’t. For more on that Read THIS ENTRY.

Ghosting: The move of the century is Ghosting. A manipulator realizes that walking away without explanation mindfucks a person to the point where they want them even more. Think about human psychology. No one likes to be ignored. Email, text, DM, phone call—to reach out and not be acknowledged hurts your ego because the other person is basically saying you’re not worth their time. Here you are thinking you’re the shit, and they’re like, “Nah, you’re corny.” In situationships, Ghosting is the lasso that puts you back in place whenever you try to stray. I get at least ten emails a month asking how to turn a friend with benefits situation into a real relationship. Most from women who have already tried gimmicks. Those gimmicks like, ignoring him, going on dates with other men, and making ultimatums don’t work because these ladies aren’t committed to change, it’s a bluff.

Tell a man who sees you as a sex toy or good time girl that he either makes it official or you walk. What happens is that he will give you a heartfelt excuse, then disappear. The key to ghosting is that there is no closure. It’s not, “I can’t be with you, sorry, go live your life.” Instead you get, “I got a lot going on, but let’s talk about it this weekend.” The weekend comes, and he’s gone. You text text text then call call call, and nothing. Instead of being happy that you’re free of this fuck boy, anxiety sets in. You’re now afraid that you pushed him away, and panic. You brainwash yourself to think that he wasn’t that bad, and now will do anything to talk to him so you can clear the air, thus you lower your standards and go back to normal. In the end, he wins because your weak ass emotions made you cave in. You enter back into the situationship with even less power than you had before, because that man now knows that you need him more than he needs you. Ghosting is a powerful weapon when used on a weak mind.

Ego Checks: Words not only hurt, they beat a person down until they no longer have the will to do better. The biggest Red Flag you will ever expose comes in the form of how someone talks down to you. Nothing in life is as simple as it seems, so while you may think you would never let someone disrespect you, reality shows that it happens to even the strongest of minds. Ego checks start off as jokes or side comments. “Getting a little fat,” “Still working that same old job,” “Good job, genius.” Your weight, your career, your intelligence are the easiest things to attack under the cover of “just kidding” but nothing’s funny about Gas Lighting. These manipulators need you to feel like they’re the only ones who want you, that you’re so damaged and flawed that your best bet is to stick it out with them. Spartan Up and understand what’s going on in the moment. They are pinpointing your insecurities and taking shots like a sniper. The moment you hear a cruel joke—check them. The moment they criticize in a way that puts you down without trying to give helpful advice—check them. The moment they curse at you or threaten you, then blame it on their temper, alcohol, or any other factor—leave them. Life is too short to keep giving second and third chances to someone who’s goal is to beat you down until they feel better about themselves.

It’s Okay To Start Over

Every romantic relationship is replaceable. Affirm that right now because the only reason Red Flags slip by is because YOU want to believe in the potential of the person more than the reality of their actions. No matter how good they look, how successful they are, how good they are in bed, or how pretty their words sound, keep your eyes open to the small, yet telling, negative qualities they show over time. Push out this thought that you aren’t good enough to find someone else or that it’s better to stay with the devil you know. You’re more than enough! Flawed individuals want you to buy into the fact that they’re rare, that they’re trying to change, and that you’re going to regret leaving them. It’s all a con job. YOU are the rare one in the relationship, you have the power to find something better, and they will be the ones filled with regret over not treating you better. Know your worth, get your worth, and never tie yourself to a mediocre person when your future has so much better in store for you.

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Best Relationship Advice

Dating should never feel like hard work and relationships should never feel like an everyday struggle. Nevertheless, if you hear the average man or woman talk about the process of finding “the one” you get an earful of doubt. It’s hard out here… I don’t have time… People are so fake… I’m tired… Blah blah blah! Not only is that a trash ass mentality, it’s the sole reason your results are either mixed or limited. As long as you THINK finding someone special is hard, pointless, or that it’s not going to work out for you because it never does, your Universe will grant that wish as those thoughts become reality. You aren’t getting the best results because you’re buying into the brainwashing that life is about being damn near perfect or getting lucky. Wrong. Over the years I’ve personally helped toxic people hit reverse and become successful, coached immature men into husbands, and took women who thought they weren’t attractive and proved that the could snatch a man’s soul! Life is about power. Those who know how to use this power will get what they want, those who don’t will continue to cry and settle. If you’re tired of being a bystander in your own life, read on.

Change Your Mindset

The reason romance is stressful is that most of you are guilty of forcing the issue with people who aren’t compatible. Think about the process of meeting, getting to know a person, and then trying to figure out if you mesh. It’s all done while filled with lust and/or anxiety. How can you be relaxed and impressive when you’re worrying if someone will like you or not? How can you stick to the game plan of getting your value when you’re horny and they’re applying sexual pressure? You can’t prove you are different when you’re giving into basic traits that lead to basic behavior! In order to perform to your best ability no matter if it’s a first date or the first year of a relationship, you need to change your mindset when it comes to your internal weaknesses. Key word being “your“. Most of you give great dating and relationship advice to your friends but your own love life is trash. When you’re talking to other people or looking from the outside in, you don’t have to worry about feelings. Turn the tables and you rarely take your own advice because you’re bias. Why? You haven’t done the internal work, you remain gassed off your ego and defensive attitude.

Let’s pretend that you are a typical woman who knows how everyone else should date, but can’t apply it to her own life. You go on a date with a guy that’s a perfect 10, but in your mind that doesn’t matter because you’re not thirsty… or so you claim. After dating guys you barely like for months, what would your actions show us on the first date when presented with someone who looks good but has red flags? He’s obnoxious, a little too cocky for your taste, and he asked you to pay for drinks on the first date. If that was your friend, you would say, “Make that the last date, he seems like an asshole already.” But this isn’t your friend, it’s you in the driver’s seat which means you judge him based on your options or lack thereof. Yeah, he’s obnoxious but he’s fine as hell and the right kind of tall. Yeah, he’s cocky, but you kind of like having a man that’s sure of himself and can put you in your place. Sure, he asked you to pay, but you aren’t looking for a Sugar Daddy, you’re happy to prove that you’re not a broke bitch. No matter what negatives this man shows on your first date, your brain twists them and makes them “not so bad” because he has pros that turn you on plus you think the alternative is going back to less unattractive or confident men.

I see this story play out weekly when women email me for advice. Ms. High Standards turns into Ms. In Love With An Asshole because she makes the easy choice to keep dating that kind of guy she swore she was better than. Not all men exploit and overachieve because they lie to women, most win because women settle! The hole in your game isn’t that you aren’t smart enough to see when a man isn’t everything you’re looking for, it’s that you are so tired of looking that you settle for the most basic qualities—Looks and Attitude. Exhaustion makes you sloppy, and right now you’re sick of tired of having to do so much work to be happy. You just want “your type” to fall in your lap. Instead “fool’s gold” falls in your lap disguised as your salvation, and because of that exhaustion, you will end up getting used, played, pregnant, or your time wasted. I repeat– CHANGE YOUR MIND FROM THIS LOW VIBRATION.

The best relationship advice I can give any woman who is sick of dating or broken by their current relationship is to remember who you are. This idea that you have to take what’s given is bullshit. This idea that there is one man for you and that if you pass him up you’ll be single forever is propaganda to keep you chained to a mediocre prospect. This idea that you’re not girlfriend pretty, don’t hit the right number on the scale, or lack the personality to make a man fall in love is a lie that you tell yourself. Who are you? Either you’re a woman who has bought into the story that you won’t get what you want and will always have to settle for the best available option or you’re a fucking Spartan Queen who knows no limits to her ability to attract the best of the best.

GODFIDENCE

Your face is as pretty as you believe it is when you look in the mirror. Your body shape is as sexy as you believe it is when trying on clothes. Your personality is as electrifying as you make it when you open your mouth and speak with full confidence. Strength doesn’t come form the external factors, designer brands, college degrees, work titles, waist size, butt size, or what car you’re driving. You’re a woman! Your smile can pull a man into your orbit. Your gaze can make a man nervous. The way you hang on your words can make a man instantly hard. You have so many tools at your disposal, but you rarely use them because you’re stuck in your own head. What if he doesn’t like me? What if he’s just after sex? Maybe I need to wait until I lose a few more pounds. I wished I looked like my cousin, guys are always chasing her? Why can’t I just find a man that comes up to me, first, I’m sick of putting myself on the line. Hear that? Your mind is filled with weak basic bitch thoughts that destroy your self-esteem and transform you into just another woman struggling to find love. Spartans don’t give into weak thoughts. Spartans don’t let the negative “what if” fester. Spartans don’t make wishes, they make shit happen! Which is it? Are you a Basica or are you a Spartan? Are you going to keep crying about “it’s so hard out here, I’m just going to give up” or are you going to make this world your bitch?

Define what you want in your head, stop going out into the world unsure because all that will lead to is conflicting results. Define what you want in a relationship by using your voice to tell that person your needs. Understand what I’m writing– Don’t assume, don’t shy away, don’t put your future in a man’s hands. Tell him what you’re looking for and know up front if he’s on the same page. Define who you are by being a woman whose actions match her words. You can’t brag about how you’re hard to get then sleep with a guy who did the bare minimum. You can’t claim to be looking for something serious then give your all to someone who is just trying to chill and build. Stop crying about being lied to when you’re the one lying to yourself about how much someone cares about you. You know damn well that their actions don’t measure up to their words, but you’re afraid to admit it! If they wanted you they wouldn’t treat you like shit. If they wanted you they wouldn’t keep stalling. If they wanted you they wouldn’t put you second. Hold yourself accountable for each person you give your phone number to. Make them earn that first date, second date, and free time by consistently proving that they are looking for the same things you are. The days of contradicting yourself, going with the flow, and being low maintenance are over. Nobody is a One of One to be clung onto! Remember, what they won’t do, the next one will.

Remember who you are! You’re not ugly, you’re not a fetish, you’re not a placeholder, you’re not a toy, you’re not cursed or unlucky. Stop hiding your True Self. Show your personality without being tripped up by your nerves. Show your sex appeal without fear of coming off as awkward. Attack life like the Goddess you are because regretting your choices 20 years from now will hurt a lot more than the possible rejection of today. You are a Spartan. Affirm that. Live That. Become that.

You Can Have Anything… Yes, Anything

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Breaking Up For Someone Better

Black Girls Are Easy

As soon as you get into a relationship it’s like a Cuffed Alert goes off and everyone’s suddenly interested. Look at the options when you’re single versus when you’re in a relationship, it’s like the Universe is playing a cruel joke. Between relationships you can’t attract anyone who consistently blows you away. Instead, you keep running into struggle baes who aren’t as good looking, established, or honest as you hoped. Dating is like produce shopping at a 99cent store, you know 9 out of 10 of those apples are going to be rotten by the time you get it home. Then things change… you find the person of your dreams, make it official and all is well, until BLAM! The glow of your commitment shoots up like the Bat Signal, and everywhere you go people are trying to get at you. The irony is, it’s no longer the 99cent brand, it’s Whole Foods quality—every exotic option you always wanted to try is now in your face. Where were they when you were single and lonely as fuck? And more importantly, what do you do when someone you’re feeling puts your relationship to the test?

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The cliché saying of “the grass isn’t always greener” is just that, a saying. Some times it’s greener as fuck… others times it’s worse. I know a person who broke up for someone new and that relationship ended up being just as bad… but I also know a couple who started off creeping, yet ended up happily married. Each one of you is on an individual journey so you can’t look at anyone else’s results as law. There is no such thing as right and wrong, it's all about who fits you best.Click To Tweet No matter if you have an official boyfriend or girlfriend or someone you’re exclusively talking to, you will meet someone that makes you wonder if you’ve gotten it wrong. In that moment of temptation you THINK you know how you will handle it, but real life plays out different from theory. Over the past year I’ve received emails from women who have cheated or are considering leaving their current boyfriend (or girlfriend) for the potential of another. Here’s an abbreviated version of one of them…

Breaking Up For Someone Better

[image error]India’s Email: “Hey G.L. since we last spoke things have improved but I didn’t quite take your advice. Remember **** the coordinator guy? I confided in him about my boyfriend around the same time I sent you that birthday recap and we have been talking after work like every day. It has gone from sitting in his car to grabbing dinner. Last Monday he made his move and kissed me. I did tease him about being afraid of me a few times, so I won’t sit here acting like it was unprovoked. I kissed him back but that’s all, I swear. Today we had a talk about it and he told me that he wants me to leave **** and start seeing him without all of the secrecy. He has made it clear that he is not a homewrecker and I believe that. He’s such a great guy who wants to take things slow and he understands me on a level that **** doesn’t. I know what you’re going to say, but wouldn’t it be smart if I played along and dated him while still in my relationship with ****? Also, what are your thoughts on sex at this stage? I don’t want to be that dummy that leaves her man for a guy with a trash penis lol. I think I know what to do but I’m scared, please help…”

By the time I was able to respond “India” had already fucked the new guy. By the end of the month the new guy had called India’s boyfriend and told him what went down and laid claim to her. Then all hell broke loose at home and at her job because both men became really petty. Right now, India’s single and neither man is talking to her. In short, she handled a delicate situation in the most Basica way ever. That’s not to pile on India. Most of you are in this same position or will be in the near future. In the age of social media, you will be tested by something that looks too good to resist. In the age of aggressive shot takers, “I have someone,” will only make them try harder. So many men crack at the first pretty girl that throws it at them and so many women are emotionally unprepared for romantic pressure from men that check all of her “husband material” boxes. There are people you will come across who compliment you much better than the person who you thought was your so-called “soul mate” and it’s time to take a realistic look at it.

[image error]I’ve written about how to take someone’s boyfriend, but I’ve never explored getting rid of your own for something new. The truth is that we’re all subject to temptation, especially when we’re in a relationship that isn’t going as great as it once was. There will always be other people who look better, talk better, or just have that vibe that makes you consider a switch. No matter if it’s someone new at work, an ex from the past, or a stranger who catches your eyes in public or on social media, you can easily get caught up. If there’s doubt or curiosity, love alone isn’t going to stop you from entertaining what they have to say. You just had a fight—they’re there to remind you that you have another option. You don’t feel appreciated—they’re there to offer you attention. You’re feeling irritated and distant—they’re there to put a smile on your face and breath new energy into your day. It’s not about sex or being greedy, it’s about the fear that you chose wrong. The more cracks in your relationship there are, the more tempted you will be to give that person a shot at proving that they can treat you better. Even if you try to fight it at first, each new argument or problem will make you think, “Damn, I should give such and such a chance.” This is not something you can talk to people about because you don’t want to be judged as disloyal or a cheater. Yet, despite the guilt, the feelings remain… Is this person better for you than your current boyfriend or girlfriend? There’s only one way to find out. Let’s start with the women then get to the men.

The Four Men That Will Ruin You

There’s no such thing as a soul mate or ONE person for each of us. Logically and scientifically you all know that’s myth making and social conditioning meant to keep women in that Disney Princess state of mind. There is a very real chance that the man you met months or years ago stops being consistent, stops growing with you, or simply annoys the fuck out of you after awhile. People change throughout a relationship, but it’s often for the worst. The guy who felt so magical now feels pedestrian and the thought of “is this what love is,” creeps into your brain. Most women ignore these feelings and keep trying to repair that relationship because that’s what little girls are trained to do “stand by your man.” The want for something more is a slow boiling feeling, and that’s where these four men come into play. Let’s be clear, no one can infiltrate a truly solid relationship, but most of your relationships aren’t solid. We as men can sense when a woman has a crack in her relationship, sometimes even before she realizes it. It’s in your eyes, it’s in the tone of your voice, it’s in your laugh, it’s even in your body language. “I have a boyfriend,” means nothing when your eyes lock and give away the truth of your situation.Click To Tweet

[image error]The New Guy That Has You Crushing Hard: Most of you will find yourself dealing with someone totally new and foreign to you. It could be the new hire at work who always asks about you or goes out of his way to speak. It may be some guy that pops up on social media following you and giving you extra attention. It could even be a stranger you bump into whom you have a legit reason to stay in contact with. Some examples I’ve seen have been mechanics who can help out with car issues, business owners who promise to hook you up, people in an industry who you want to network with, etc… All of these men start off innocent and platonic. In your mind you have someone, you’re not the kind of person who cheats, but these new guys know that once you crack the door to your heart, they can push all the way in. Work “husbands” turn into happy hour drinking partners. It’s only social media, until you two start DMing each other every day. The guy that helped you out with your flat tire, soon becomes that guy you text for advice. Dude who was trying to help you get your side hustle off the ground, starts looking like a snack, and you find yourself thinking about him more than your man.

[image error]The Ex That Promises to Do Better: Humbling the fuck out of an ex is an emotional orgasm. To have someone come crawling back admitting that they were in the wrong and begging for a second chance isn’t just an ego stroke, it’s a “what if”. To have loved and lost someone who is now back doing exactly what you wanted from the start will confuse your senses. These exes know you still have feelings, so they purposely play off the past while showing proof of change in the present. Your ex-boyfriend may come back with a “just friends” angle where he checks on you, makes sure you’re good, and that’s it. Your ex could also go the aggressive route and start buying you gifts, offering to do favors for you or family members, and pouring out his heart in ways he never would when you were a couple. Regardless if his approach is sneaky or direct, all it takes is you showing him signs that your current relationship is rocky, and he’ll keep reminding you that he was always your soul mate, he just needed a chance to mature.

[image error]The Platonic Friend That Wants More: 90% of you reading this has a guy in the friendzone who is dying to make his move. This could be your childhood bestie, someone from college who you friended on Facebook, a cousin or brother of one of your girlfriends, or even someone you once liked but decided you were better as friends. Of all the men you may be tempted by, this is the sneak attack few of you see coming. This friend who you’ve confided in knows the right things to say. He’s not a sexual threat so he can get you to lower your guard quicker than a new guy in terms of intimacy. This friend who genuinely loves you can make a case that he will never hurt you, and when your main guy isn’t acting right sometimes that’s all you need to hear to risk it all. In vulnerable times, it doesn’t matter if he isn’t your type, if he feels more like a brother, or that it’ll ruin or change the friendship dynamic going forward. The best relationships need strong foundations of friendship, and your platonic bestie has already passed that test, so of course he seems like the perfect solution.

[image error]The Unhappy Taken Guy: You meet a guy who’s nice, charming, and in a miserable relationship. Like most women you want to be helpful, so you proceed talk to him, advise him, and be positive about his choice to either stay or leave his current girlfriend. The guy begins to lean on you more and more, and that kind of vulnerability from a man is sexy. In response you begin to open up about your own relationship not being as good as it once was… and in that moment of “I wish she was you” the lines blur and you end up in a full-blown affair. I’ve seen this play out with everyone from NBA Players and Actresses to Nurses and Doctors. Nothing bonds two unhappy people than being able to vent about their significant other to someone who truly understands them.

How To Handle These Feelings

No matter what type of man suddenly has you in your feelings, it only takes three steps to sort it out, so you can make an honest and definite decision. The first step is to take your head out of your ass and use logic. Step out of the fantasy of being chased by something new and remember that you’re still being pursued by someone with an agenda. He says he has money but does he really? He says he can treat you better but is he just more of the same? He claims to be looking for something real, but is that all game? You can’t afford to get open off of TALK TALK TALK, you need to investigate your feelings by making sense of his. Start by breaking it down in these two ways…

Maybe He Wants To Love You: There are men who won’t let a preexisting condition called “She Has A Man” stop him from snatching his Queen. Guys who have loved and lost and have sampled all the dating scene has to offer and he will know with great certainty when he’s in front of a Game Changer. Think back to everything I’ve written on this subject especially MDLWLY and The Unicorn Delusion. If a man is trying to snatch you up and make you his, he does specific things to show it, he doesn’t just tell. Is this love or is it lust? Until you figure out his angle, you don’t have sex, you don’t leave the person you’re with, and you don’t lose yourself in his promises. The idea that it’s love and all the sweet things he’s drilling into your ear should be downplayed as infatuation.

[image error]Maybe He Wants To Fuck You: Doesn’t matter what he says, how he treats you, or the vibe he’s giving off, every man is chasing after pussy until he proves he’s not. “How can I get him to prove it without having sex,” if you thought any variation of this, then you need to start in the archives of this site because your way behind the Spartan Game. Remember that men come into your life wearing masks. Doesn’t matter if it’s an ex or a friend you’ve known for years, he’s going to put on an act in order to get you where he wants you, it’s the way ALL MEN hunt. When you’re already in a relationship, that mask becomes even harder to spot because you’re not in the “game” anymore. A woman that’s single is on high alert because she’s used to guys being full of shit, but your bullshit meter is rusty. Predators ask you questions about your relationships, pinpoint the weak spots, and turn up the heat by doing things he knows your man doesn’t do. It’s an emotional blitz that will take you by surprise. In the end the emotional affair will turn physical and you find yourself cheating or leaving your current boyfriend.

The fallout isn’t guilt, it’s the revelation that he was running game. He only wanted to fuck you because you were new, or it was a rush to take another man’s woman. Once that novelty wears off, he ghosts you or fakes an argument to push you away. Now you’re left feeling dumb and trying to get back with your ex. Most times your ex will take you back just to hate fuck you or to stroke his ego, but the trust is gone, and he’ll never love you the way he once did. In short order you’re back single and full of regret because you didn’t do your homework.

Test Drive

The next step is to put him to the test in a real way. How? You Interview this motherfucker for the next four weeks. If you were being courted normally you would date him to see if he treats you with value. If you were trying to work Ho Tactics on him, you would test him to see if he has money to spend and doesn’t mind spending it. No matter what you are looking to get from a man, it all begins with pressing him until he shows you what you need to see.

[image error]“Why Me” Conversation: It’s not enough for a man to like you just because he does. Typical women fall in love with those that flatter and kiss their ass. What is your appeal? Are you that cute, that funny, that engaging or are you just his latest project. Is it the personality or are you low hanging fruit? Maybe it’s the fact that you already have a man that makes you a must have. C’mon ladies, you know that men love to conquer things that are seemingly hard to get. The first conversation you have once you decide he may be worth your time is what drew him to you. This conversation needs to force him to give you specifics. No shallow answers like “your energy” or “your smile”. Also talk about your relationship in a real way. What happens if you don’t ever leave your man? Is he afraid that some other guy will come in and do the same thing he’s trying to do? Really make him uncomfortable by pointing out that you aren’t some damsel in distress. He can’t see you as just a fantasy, he has to see you as a woman with complex feelings who isn’t perfect.

Spend A Day: Women are the best kind of sneaky, so don’t act like you can’t get away from your current man for a day. Once you vet his interest in you, the time will come to normalize your feelings by hanging out. Under regular conditions you would go on dates, but you don’t have time for that. Instead, you need to play an entire day from afternoon to evening, where you spend time together. The purpose behind this is that fantasy thinking makes ordinary men seem special. Sneaking to text, getting pictures, him popping up, or making up excuse to hop on the phone, these things take you to a teenager mindset. Is it really them or is it the rush of being bad? The only way to keep your feelings honest is to spend time with this man for a long period of time. I have countless stories of how women no matter if it was long distance or creeping, realized after a bad date or a long weekend that the guy wasn’t what she really wanted. Watch how he pressures you for sex, listen to how he talks when you’ve run out of “I miss you” chit chat, observe how he spends money, pay attention to how he handles the other girl’s he’s dating or talking to in terms of ignoring calls or texts. The circus only lasts for two hours because kids get bored. Affairs usually don’t end in a real relationship because people get bored. Test yourself by spending real time at least once a week for four weeks.

[image error]Space: Are you making this too easy for him? Doesn’t matter if he’s the one chasing you, calling you, and trying to arrange dates to see you, are you giving in every time he reaches out or are you making him work? I’ll be honest, the women with boyfriends who I’ve messed with (messed with = fucked) were easier to get than single women. Single women required dates, they were aloof at times, they masked their feelings and played hard to get. Girls with boyfriends don’t play these games! I remember this one girl would always pick up on the first ring, she would be down to see me whenever I wanted, and she didn’t act shy or reserved when I went for sex. Never lose sight of how much adrenaline plays in romance. You have to pump your own breaks and remind yourself that this isn’t a case of you just wanting to get your pussy destroyed by something new, it’s real feelings about if this guy is a better fit universally. To throw the pussy at him without making him earn it in a real way can sour him on how much he actually wanted you from the jump.

Go a few days without speaking to him at a time. Don’t return every text or call. Stand him up. This is all a test. If he really wants to be with you his actions will adjust to prove it. If you’re just a notch on his belt he’ll show his true colors. Does he talk shit when he can’t get his way? Does he throw other women in your face to prove that he has options? Does he threaten you with telling your boyfriend? Does he start acting like a stalker? Trust me, you need to push this man to his limits to see if you can shake off his mask. Again, it doesn’t matter if it’s a new guy, a friend who you thought you knew, an ex, or a guy with his own girl, they all are the same until you push their buttons.

Honesty Hour: At the end of these four weeks, if he’s passed each test with flying colors, then you must have a come to Jesus moment with yourself. Do you still like this guy? Is he consuming your thoughts more than your current man? Do you want him physical and emotionally? No more of this “I don’t know,” indecisive bullshit that basic women do because they’re afraid to be real with themselves. I’m not asking you if it will work out, about karma, or about morals. Even after a month of vetting your feelings towards him and his consistent actions, have your feelings deepened or lessened for this disruptor? If the answer is “yes,” then the choice is clear, you need to break up with your current partner. “But I don’t want to hurt—” shut the fuck up and stop being a coward. We all are guilty of crushing on other people, we all have fantasies, but if you’ve taken it to the point where you legitimately enjoy someone else’s company over the person you’re with, then it’s time to end it.

It’s Not Him… It’s Him

Spoiler Alert: This had nothing to do with leaving the person you’re with for someone better, this was about you taking inventory of your relationship and coming away with proof that it was dying a slow death. This isn’t about the new guy being better, it’s about the old guy no longer working! I don’t want you to swap out the old for the new, I just want you to be honest. The hardest thing to do is to breakup because when there’s not a big argument or event, people keep holding on under the pretense of “it’s not that bad,” when it truly is that bad. You’re unhappy, you’re wasting both of your time, and you need to put an end to it, so you can move on the right way.

Maybe It’s You

[image error]I knew a married woman who was seeing a single man. When the man told her, he was going out to see a “friend” the married woman waited for five hours in front of his apartment complex, watched him come in with his “friend” and then slit the tires to his car. I asked her way was she so jealous when she had a WHOLE HUSBAND at home. Her response, “What’s mine is mine.” Not only do you need to look at the agenda of these men that come into your life, you have to take a hard look at what you’re trying to get out of this side dish relationship. Most times it’s not his dick, it’s his attention. Your own relationship is not good enough, so you’re getting high off the way a new man chases you. You’re telling him you love him. You’re threatening his other women. You’re forgetting that you’re the one in a committed relationship, not him. If you exhibit any of these signs, then you need to meditate or seek therapy on the deeper reasons behind your lust. Dick doesn’t make women crazy, the crazy is already there. Other people can’t take you from the one you’re with, you were already ready to leave, you just needed an excuse. Point the finger at all the ways they aren’t holding up to their side of the relationship to justify your emotions and actions, but in the end, you have to decide to do something about it, not just switch out one man for another man and hope you picked right this time around.

Healing

How do you move on romantically? Date this new guy? Assemble a new roster? Keep your ex around until you’re 100% sure you can’t work this out? You need alone time, princess. Understand that this was never about some new guy being your true soul tie, soul mate, or whatever fake deep word you read on the internet. This was someone who simply showed you that you have the potential to be happier. That other guy exposed the holes in your dream house, but you knew you had leaks all along. The last thing you need is to break up and jump into the arms of yet another man while you’re still unsure of what you need to be happy. Any man can treat you good for the honey moon period, any man can fuck you like he’s fresh out of jail when high on new lust, and any man can promise to never change when you’re living in a bubble. We don’t date in a bubble, we don’t love in the honeymoon period, relationships aren’t just hard work, they’re proving grounds that are supposed to bring you closer even during the bad times. Take time to find yourself. Don’t date at all until you’re ready. Take out your Spartan journal and write down how you got swept up in a weak relationship and then write down all the reasons you will never let it happen again. Life is a lesson. You’re either learning or losing.

For the Men Stuck with A Placeholder

[image error]What about the men? Guys routinely seek out new pussy then return to their same woman because they weren’t looking to upgrade. Some get their Diddy on and quickly switch out old bae for a new bae that looks just like old bae. Men have a hard time dealing with breakups and the falling out of love process because we’re internally stunted. I challenge every man to take self inventory of their current relationship and here’s a story that proves my point to the max: My good friend had been flirting with a few different women over the past three months and his thirst in general had began to rise as if he didn’t have a longtime girlfriend. My sister-in-law visited to celebrate her birthday here in LA, and during a drinking game we were all instructed to “drink if you’re single” he quickly took a shot and said, “Well I’m not married so I’m single, right?” This wasn’t a joke as he flirted with my wife’s sister all night long. A few weeks later it was a new woman at work that had him open. They went out to talk business, then it ended with drinks, and a weekend of sexting. Then yet another girl caught his eye, and he was sending me screenshots of their conversations. At NO point did he tell any of these women he had a girlfriend. I asked him straight up, if this were your girl doing these things how would you feel? He shut down.

[image error]In that moment I thought about my readers, those women who are in love with men who really don’t want them but will never leave no matter how much advice I give. I couldn’t let it keep going on, so I told him directly that it’s not about new girls or his thirst for sex, it’s about his dissatisfaction with his woman. The same woman who he told me he wanted to marry by next year. Think about that. He was in the midst of planning an elaborate engagement, but secretly he wasn’t sure. It took those new women to shake up his world, and me to talk to him man to man and tell him to take a break. He did break up, but so many other guys are out here wasting the time of women who are fully committed. Fellas, you know when it’s about sex and you know when it’s about unhappiness. If you have a woman who has slowly declined into a Placeholder, you have to make the mature decision to cut her loose. My own friend just wasted years with a woman who was always going to be a Placeholder, and now she has to pick the pieces and go back to the dating game older and damaged. Women stick around and ignore the red flags more often than not, so I’m challenging any man that’s feeling unfulfilled to do right by the both of you and walk away because you can’t assume she will get the hint.

Finding Your Game Changer ASAP

What’s next? Moving on is hard, vetting people seems like a chore, and sometimes settling for a Placeholder seems safer than going for what you really want. Fuck that. I invite each one of you, men and women, to read She Ain’t It: Platinum Edition. It’s an updated version of the book complete with FIVE NEW CHAPTERS that takes you from the meeting stage all the way to relationship problems and how to fix them before you break up. While aimed at men, this book is a MUST READ for women, as it sheds light on personality traits you may no know that hold you back as well as insight into what quality men are looking for in a Game Changer Vs Placeholder.

*UNTIL THE END OF OCTOBER anyone who downloads and leaves a review will receive ONE FREE EMAIL QUESTION, send your purchase/review screenshot and question to BGAEAdvice@gmail.com with the header SHE AIN’T IT.* It’s available right now on Amazon:

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Thanks for reading Breaking Up For Someone Better

Toxic As FK – Is Your Energy Holding You Back

Toxic As Fuck – Is Your Energy Holding You Back

If they wanted you then why aren’t they with you? If they’re trying to build with you, then why is communication inconsistent? If they cared about you, then why is your gut screaming, “they don’t really give a fuck”? You’re a stereotype. A sucker for love. An educated fool that gets ghosted and plays dumb about what happened. A loyal soul that gets cheated on or undervalued. You give everything and get the bare minimum in return, then have a nerve to complain about it but never do anything about it. If you want more, why don’t you go get more? If that person doesn’t treat you like you feel you deserve, why don’t you find someone new? If you’re so smart and know that a person is lying or full of shit, then why do you continue to entertain their nonsense? Instead, you hope, you pray, and wish upon a star that the person you’re into treats you fair. Ha! I repeat, you’re a stereotype. You’re fake-strong, fake-confident, and full of excuses as to why you can’t get your life on track. I know the real you. You’re lazy, vulnerable, and stuffed with fear. The buzz word of the day is “Toxic”. People accuse others of being toxic whenever they feel like they’re the victim. What’s really toxic is your lack of self-esteem that has you trapped in this cycle of mediocrity.

Why do you think you’re unworthy of a healthy relationship? Why do you think that love has to be a struggle? Why do you keep living in this world of delusion where you keep being nice to people that constantly show you they don’t give a fuck about your feelings? You can’t stop this unhealthy way of living because you’ve been brainwashed to settle for less. Toxic thoughts tell you that you can’t get what you want. Toxic actions keep you dating the same old types, sticking with the same bad relationship, or giving people that already disrespected you another chance. Toxic emotions have you sitting up at night depressed over your lack of results. Face it, you live everyday with toxic feelings, attract toxic people, play out toxic situations with those people, then wonder why you’re unhappy.

Fellas:  That so-called “Hoe” who is out to use you or play you, is she that good at acting or are you so hard up that you miss the red flags? Manipulators become transparent to a man with self-confidence and who isn’t high off new pussy lust but you’re a sucker flying blind because you’re chasing validation.

Ladies: That “Mr. Perfect” you met  off some dating app wouldn’t even make it to a second date with a woman who was secure in her power, but he gets to fuck you in short order only to toss you to the side because you continue to date with unaddressed insecurities that cause you to overthink, second guess, and cloud your mind long enough for a player to wreck you.

I don’t deserve this… Why is this happening… Why can’t I just be happy? You’re so full of shit! You know why life, relationship, career, and the like aren’t working out. No matter if you’re a man or a woman, if your life is a mess, it’s because your mind is a barrel of negative counter-productive and basic thoughts. I’m not trying to drag you, I’m trying to lift you back to your feet because you deserve more out of life than being wasted potential.

Fellas, Sometimes You’re Just Dick:

There are women who just want to fuck you. No dates. No texting. None of that mushy shit you’re used to from chicks who are openly or secretly looking for a boyfriend. There are also women who just want attention. Text her when she’s bored. Take her out on the weekends. Give her the feeling of being wanted so she can go brag about it. Normally these are perfect situations, all the fun none of the stress. The difference is that when a woman is in control, making the rules, and free to deal with you and a handful of other men as she chooses, jealousy sets in. Narcissistic men are nothing more than dorks who are afraid to be hurt, so they try and build up this powerful persona. When these types of men run up against a female who gives them her ass to kiss, he cracks like a fucking egg. The little Basica that’s waiting by the phone for you to call or the thirsty relationship girl that’s offering to pay for an Uber to come see you, they don’t have any power. The woman that only calls you for a dick appointment or leaves you on “read” until she’s in the mood to pick you up and play with you—she’s God. You hate that she doesn’t need you, doesn’t really want you, and there’s nothing you can do to change that.

We as men aren’t used to being controlled by women, it goes against every macho bone in our body and every tough talk we’ve had in the barbershop. Internally it cuts deeper than most of you probably know. She’s rejecting the idea of you as a serious option. You’re unworthy of her exclusivity. Why? Her actions spell it out, “You’re good enough to fuck or talk to, but she’s still searching for something better.” Even the defense of “I still beat,” crumbles because if you deal with a woman like this long enough, sex-lust gives way to genuine love. The fact that she’s not acting typical makes her superior to other women, and thus a Must-Have. The world is filled with over-talkative, boring ass women who are easy to get, but you want that which doesn’t want you—A Unicorn.

Tell a man he can’t have something, and he wants it 10x more. What happens when you keep chasing this woman who sees you as just another dick? Frustration sets in followed by anger. You’re pissed off at the world because she’s denying you. You’re ready to cut her off because she’s making you feel inadequate. This is where you brain waves stray from your normal behavior. In order to prove your worth to her you start acting weird. Stalking, arguing, going after other men she may be dealing with, buying her gifts, giving her money, and the list of emotional shit goes on…  I’ve gotten several emails that read, “I had to cut him off because he started getting too clingy.” Confident women with options don’t kneel like desperate birds. The moment you blow up on her, start acting jealous, or try reverse psychology—she’s ghost. Go ahead and blast off a dozen “bitches ain’t shit” tweets or write a novel under her IG pictures, it won’t change the fact that this isn’t about her—it’s about you.

Let’s list some possible causes of internal negativity: You don’t have that much money. You don’t do anything spectacular for a living. You have the same dreams or side hustles as every other generic guy. You pretend to be living large and making moves, but you’re living off borrowed money or scams. Doesn’t matter what the exact reason is, the result is that chip on your shoulder keeps growing because you have some flaw that makes upper echelon women look down on you.

Men don’t go to therapy as much as women, it’s emasculating to say you’re falling apart, so you go in alone. You smoke, pop pills, drink yourself pissy, and try to ignore your problems. The irony is that Broken & Damaged Men can still get women—ones who are just as mentally weak and insecure. In comes a woman with low self-esteem to the rescue. The overweight chick, the girl that you don’t think of as traditionally pretty, the women with kids, or the women that have been broken by past relationships. Keep in mind, you don’t want any of these ladies, you want that Unicorn who denounced you as “average”. Instead of loving or appreciating these women that see the greatness in you, those toxic emotions lead to resentment. You don’t want her fat ass, her ugly ass, her passed around ass, her bi-polar ass—Listen to those negative thoughts. You’re projecting hate towards them because you hate yourself for not feeling good enough. As a result, you mistreat these women, you unfairly judge these women, and you use these women in the same way you got used because they’re Placeholders. Your toxic mind attracted that and will keep attracting it until you right the wrongs of your own negative thoughts.

Ladies, Sometimes You’re Just Pussy:

It’s easy for a woman to fake confidence on the internet, at work, or during that first week or so of dating. Your attitude pushes you forward and protects you from scrutiny. You talk slick, you dress nice, you can be funny, and you can be deep. But what happens when someone sees through your weak ass self-esteem and little girl toughness? Experienced men test ALL WOMEN. I’ve written books about this process, but in the end so many women still fall victim because they think with common sense, but don’t date with it. How will you react when he pushes for a house date? How will you react when he pushes you for sex and he barely knows you? How will you react when he makes a comment about your weight, your hair, how another girl looks compared to you? How will you react after he showers you with attention and pipe dream promises only to fallback? Don’t lie and say you will react in the right way 10 out of 10 times. All it takes is that ONE GUY who is everything you’re looking for to do one of those things, and you’ll respond in the same basic way as those women you make fun of do. I can give you all the game in the world, and you will still allow “your type” to slip through your defenses.

Who is the real you? Are you this amazing woman who just had a weak moment or are you a weak woman who only has spurts of being amazing that she can never live up to? You consistently come off like just another chick who a man thinks is only good for sex because that’s how you see yourself. Look inside your brain. Are you as pretty as you want to be? Are you as smart as you wish you were? Are you as interesting as those girls in the YouTube videos you watch? Are you as strong emotionally as you hope? No. One of these things or several of these things bother the fuck out of you because your entire personality, image, and way of life is based on a false projection. It’s only when a man disrespects you, another girl insults you, or your bank account balance humbles you that you’re forced to accept the fact that you’re not happy with who you are. Each day you look for someone to point a finger at, someone doing worst than you to gossip about, or numb yourself by scrolling social media or shopping for shit you think will make you feel better about yourself. None of it works.

“Everyone will find their soulmate in the end,” they lied to you sis, you aren’t going to find shit but settle dick and heartbreak out in these streets. Life isn’t a fairy tale, you don’t get a happy ending just because you think you deserve it. Your thoughts are the foundation of your universe. Keep bottling up all that negativity, self-loathing, resentment, or jealousy and watch how successful you’ll become. Your relationships keep failing and your business ideas never get off the ground because you keep doing things the same way that fits your comfort level. It’s time to live up to your full potential and redefine how the rest of your life will play out by taking real chances. Stop waiting for help, and start helping yourself.

Refocus Your Energy

“That’s the kind of energy I need in my life,” is said whenever someone sees a positive image or reads a positive affirmation. It’s another one of these New Age gimmicks that don’t really invoke real change. The internet hijacks the lingo of positive people to make toxic folks feel like they can also achieve a higher vibration of thought. You can’t, and you won’t because you’re being phony. It doesn’t matter what TV shows you stop watching, who you follow on social media, or how many books on spirituality you read. The problem isn’t out there with them, it’s in there with you. What are you running from? Daddy issues, mommy issues, being teased when you were younger, the death of someone close, sexual abuse, verbal abuse? Maybe it’s just the frustration of growing up in 21st century world where everyone seems to be balling while you’re still struggling to pay all your bills on time. Everyone has baggage. I don’t want to hear that you didn’t ask for this life you’re living; NONE OF US DID. You take what you’re given and turn it into a win, don’t keep crying about fairness because that line of thinking is what’s keeping you enslaved! Hollow quotes on the power of positive thinking aren’t going to change your life. You aren’t going to magically get rich overnight, find love by the end of the year, or come to grips with that person standing in the mirror by praying, holding a crystal, or squeezing your eyes and chanting. You must dig into your pain, confront your past, pause your ego long enough to admit that you don’t know as much as you wish you did, and let go of this negativity that surrounds you. Who are you, really? Why do you  carry so much regret, envy, or hate? Over-stand that it’s all connected. Be accountable for your own toxic aura because that’s the magnetic field you’ve been walking around with for too long.

Where do you start? Take it day by day. Instead of complaining, shut the fuck up, and solve the problem. Instead of falling into group think with the rest of sheep who do nothing but criticize, go read a book or meditate. Instead of talking about how a person is treating you badly, remove them from your life. Instead of being a cog in the machine where you wake up, work, eat, shit, waste time on your phone, and repeat, how about you set some weekly goals that can actually bring you joy? Instead of looking at other people as the enemy, start looking at them like mirrors that reflect back that same energy you give off. All the ignorant shit you think about people at work, school, or even strangers on the street, that’s bringing your vibration down. All the energy you give to hating celebrities or politicians, that’s bringing you down. All the self-doubt you have when deciding if you should shoot your shot, go on a date, or text someone first, is counterproductive. You’re nothing but a ball of doubt, fear, and anger—unravel that! It takes 21 Days to form a new habit. I dare you to spend the next three weeks thinking differently, acting differently, and looking at the world differently. The old way has gotten you how far? You’re bitter, sad, and secretly depressed. Switch it up! Take control over your thoughts, redefine your past, re-imagine your present, and watch how much better your near future plays out.

 

 

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