Rob Bell's Blog, page 29
March 27, 2015
3 things KILLING your Mental Toughness
Believe me, you’re tougher than you think. The proof is simple, you’re not dead. I should have died at least twice in my life.
We can’t connect the dots in our lives moving forward, we can only connect them looking backwards, which means we don’t know how things are going to turn out. In our lives there will be moments that make all the difference. These Hinge moments that will connect who we are now to who we become. We need to be ready and we need to be confident. Confidence is the foundation of mental toughness. When I lose confidence, I isolate, and only mushrooms and mold can grow in the dark.
Here are the three things killing your mental toughness.
1) Expectations- Growing up, my expectations were simple, Be The Best. Except, I added two words to that mantra, at everything. I wanted to be the fastest, smartest, funniest, best looking, etc. Heck, I wasn’t any of those things even in my own class. I can’t even be the best Rob Bell, A pastor holds that title.
Tiger Woods used to say, “ I expect to win the tournament.” Expectations are not confidence, but we confuse the two. Expectations and confidence are just cousins. We can have confidence in the things we can control, but we hold no control over how we want things to work out. Expectations are out of our control and they turn into tomorrow’s resentments. Continuing to have the highest of expectations means we will struggle when we have to adjust and trouble-shoot. We basically only control, our effort, our attitude, our confidence, and how well we let of mistakes and re-focus.
2) Doubts- I just thought that the very best didn’t have doubts. Whereas, I bumped my head continually on self-doubt. It was only after I spoke with Olympic Gold Medalists that they confessed they too had doubts. Things go wrong and bad outcomes happen, but these champions believed in their preparation and more importantly they believed in themselves. Fear grows on our doubts. I hate listening to the doubt inside my head, so I have to recognize it. When things are bad, remember it’s just temporary. Make adjustments, breathe, let it go and if that doesn’t work, do it again.
3) Drugs, Alcohol, Sex- The better we get, the more important mental toughness is off the field than on the field. James Banks was the best college football player I saw live (outside of Randy Moss). This James Banks later stated after getting kicked off of Tennessee’s football team, “All because I wanted to have a good time.” Examine the BEST in our area who didn’t make it, chances are, one of these three were the culprit. All three of these things derailed my short baseball career in college. Off the field issues can kill our mental toughness.
Dr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology coach. DRB & Associates based in Indianapolis works with professional athletes & corporate athletes, coaches, and teams building their Mental Toughness. His 2nd book is titled
The Hinge: The Importance of Mental Toughness
. Follow on twitter
@drrobbell
or contact
drrobbell@drrobbell.com
Check out the new film & e-book, NO FEAR: A simple guide to mental toughness .
March 20, 2015
NO FEAR: A simple guide to mental toughness March 13, 2015
5 ways to dominate that FEAR!
Fear takes us further than we want to go and keeps us longer than we want to stay. Fear underlies almost all emotions, disappointment, sadness, motivation, anger, even fear of getting angry. Because fear dominates our lives, this list is 5 ways to dominate that FEAR. It was the impetus to produce my latest film & eBook NO FEAR: A Simple Guide to Mental Toughness.
1) KNOW THE SOURCE- If we can’t identify where the fear is coming from or what it is about, how can we possibly begin to challenge it? One way or another, fear stems from the belief that “it” won’t work out how I want it to. Romans 8:1 states, there is no condemnation to those in Christ Jesus. If you believe in that verse, then any thoughts of fear, self-ridicule, or not being good enough is certainly not from God, the source is coming from someplace else. Hint: it’s not ourselves
2) IT FOCUSES ON THE FUTURE OR THE PAST- Think of fear as a person, not an emotion. He will try to show us why we should be afraid! That individual will direct our attention to the outcome, the result, and something out of our control. Fear wants us to become obsessed with some event or person in the future, a year, a month, even a day. It also wants us to look backwards not at our successes, but our short-comings and our failures. Fear losses it’s grip when we stay in the now.
3) THERE IS ALWAYS SOME TRUTH TO IT- Fear is not all or nothing. Yes, your son or daughter may get injured, not play DI in college, or get in an accident. We may fail. If we take a game winning shot and miss, it will hurt. If we attempt a change in our business, we may get stuck! All truths. But fear does not stop there. It keeps going and going; fear catastrophizes. It takes us down a road of imagining the worst-case scenario. Imagining that if we try and fail, well not ONLY will it suck, but also my friends will think I am a failure and I will lose my job. The solution is to rank the fear from 1-10, if it’s higher than a 6, go to the next step.
4) SHARE THE FEAR- We keep our biggest fears to ourselves and when we do that, the fear can get legs. Most people share with their friends, hairdressers, or bartenders so why not share fears with them? They aren’t experts and won’t be able to provide quality solutions, but a problem shared becomes half a problem. Once we verbalize aloud and can hear our own voice, the fear actually diminishes instantly. Try it!
5) PRAY, AND IF THAT DOESN’T WORK, PRAY AGAIN - Mental toughness is not about doing it alone, it is about surrendering to the things out of our control. Having worked with many successful high achievers, I am convinced the biggest fear is simply not being good enough. The expectations and pressure to succeed often become overwhelming and even if it is good enough, it doesn’t last for very long. The fear returns, knocking on our door, saying, “remember me?” When we let go of the fear, it let’s go of us…
For more in-depth strategies on dominating that fear, check out my latest film & eBook. NO FEAR: A Simple Guide to Mental Toughness. I’d love to hear your suggestions
Dr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology coach. DRB & Associates based in Indianapolis works with professional athletes & corporate athletes, coaches, and teams building their Mental Toughness. His 2nd book is titled
The Hinge: The Importance of Mental Toughness
. Follow on twitter
@drrobbell
or contact
drrobbell@drrobbell.com
Check out the new film & e-book, NO FEAR: A simple guide to mental toughness .
March 6, 2015
10 ways to forget about the outcome
Henry Rollins photo by NNDB.com
It is what is. It’s only uttered by people who experienced a setback or are just miserable. I’ve never heard it by someone holding up a trophy. Although, my goal is to have an athlete hold up a trophy and is so consumed by the process that they say, “hey, it is what it is.”
A focus on winning doesn’t lead to winning, a focus on the process does. However, our thoughts are often directed on the result and the outcome. When we do this, we welcome the ugly guest of FEAR into our game. Here’s 10 ways to forget about the outcome.
1) Talk to a teammate or competitor- Get outside of our own head, we are behind enemy lines. Andrew Luck actually congratulates guys who sack him!
2) TELL yourself what you’re going to do next!- don’t ask questions in competition, it only brings forth doubt.
3) Make the picture big- When I focus on going on vacation or that dinner date next week, I get happy. One of my players loved eating so much, he would talk about where we were going afterwards. Make the picture even bigger, we must know that it all works out, because it has so far.
4) Make the picture small again- Focus just on making one play, the next one!
5) Breathe- Breathe and look for the opportunity.
6) Rock, Paper, Scissors- If you’ve got a sport with some down time, play a quick game! It reduces the tension. check it out here…
7) Repeat your mantra- hopefully you have one… what refocuses you?
8) Think about your family- I get happy when I think about mine, but it also kicks in the drive.
9) Think about your behind- You know, your past successes. If all we had were good memories, how would you play?
10) Act as if- Before I take the stage or work with a team, I act as if I am Henry Rollins or Bobby Jones. How would someone better than me act?
Dr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology coach. DRB & Associates based in Indianapolis works with professional athletes & corporate athletes, coaches, and teams building their Mental Toughness. His 2nd book is titled
The Hinge: The Importance of Mental Toughness
. Follow on twitter
@drrobbell
or contact
drrobbell@drrobbell.com
Check out the new film & e-book, NO FEAR: A simple guide to mental toughness .
February 20, 2015
Why coaching should be Intentionally Left Blank…
Every so often, when I receive an important document, there is always This Page Intentionally Left Blank. This is so because if a document had a printing issue, there might be serious consequences. More importantly, imagine all of the inquiries and anxiety from readers if they came across a blank page without it being intentional.
Coaching is basically the same way. Our team wants to know what pages are left intentionally blank. They want to know the expectations and our style! For instance, I’ve had successful athletes perform better when I’ve challenged them that, “They can’t do a task.” They declare “I’ll show you, and do it.” However, I don’t always like coaching that way and I have to communicate that.
One of the biggest frustrations of numerous coaches in business and athletics is that people struggle with trouble shooting, problem-solving, making adjustments, and thinking on their own. They are usually wonderful at doing what is expected, but not finding a way on their own…
So, we call timeout. We call timeout so often that people expect the timeout. They need the coaching session, the feedback, and told what to do. Can you imagine a coach NOT calling timeout during crucial moments now? One of the coolest things during the 1987 national championship game between Indiana and Syracuse was that the last :20 seconds of the game (before Keith Smart made the iconic last shot), was NO TIMEOUT was called by coach Knight. He prepared for it.
Coaching is coaxing, but the best coaching is knowing when NOT to coach. What pages need to be intentionally left blank? We leave pages intentionally blank by simply communicating how we coach and knowing how they want to be coached?
Dr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology coach. DRB & Associates based in Indianapolis works with professional athletes & corporate athletes, coaches, and teams building their Mental Toughness. His 2nd book is titled
The Hinge: The Importance of Mental Toughness
. Follow on twitter
@drrobbell
or contact
drrobbell@drrobbell.com
Check out the new film & e-book, NO FEAR: A simple guide to mental toughness .
January 30, 2015
The suckiest answer you can get…
We are having our annual SuperBowl party and sure enough I get a few online responses of Maybe. So, maybe eight (8) more people are coming to the party OR maybe not!
Am I rejected for a better party, or what? Either scenario I play out sounds downright negative. Maybe sounds more like NO, but it isn’t. Maybe is cousins to I’ll think it over and let me get back to you.
The answer is worst than NO.
No is like a tearing off a bandaid, it stings, but we get over to it.
At an 8th grade dance, I finally got up enough nerve to ask this girl to dance. It was one of those, “I have the biggest crush on this girl” type of thing, so I devised the great plan to ask the girl at the dance! No pressure, no diamond.
I had heard up to that point in my life the cliché’ of “what’s the worst she could say?” “NO.” Now, NO would be painful and the fear of hearing that rejection is what caused all of the anxiety and stress. But I hadn’t even contemplated her response of “Oh wow, Let me get back to you.”
Maybe freezes us and places us in purgatory. I limped back to my side of the gym completely stuck. I wasn’t prepared for a maybe. At first I was actually excited, she didn’t reply “no,” but, the excitement soon turned into detest.
Did she really mean maybe, or did she actually mean no? My only recourse was to ask someone else, but how could I, because she said, MAYBE. She rejected me with a maybe and I learned early on that No isn’t the worst answer and I wouldn’t accept maybe’s or think it over’s any longer, until Evites over our Super Bowl party.
Don’t be the person who gives the answer of Maybe and certainly don’t accept the answer of Maybe.
Dr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology coach. DRB & Associates based in Indianapolis works with professional athletes & corporate athletes, coaches, and teams building their Mental Toughness. His 2nd book is titled
The Hinge: The Importance of Mental Toughness
. Follow on twitter
@drrobbell
or contact
drrobbell@drrobbell.com
Check out the new film & e-book, NO FEAR: A simple guide to mental toughness
January 16, 2015
The 3rd Law of Goals…
The 3rd law? Newton’s 3rd Law of motion! “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.” I realized how Newton’s 3rd law applies to the goal setting process recently while setting my BHAG for the year, to read 50 books. If we want to add a new behavior and make change in our life, there must also be a subtraction of the behavior(s) standing in our way. One cannot happen without the other.
“Newton’s Third Law” is important because this unawareness of ‘equal and opposite reactions’ causes goals to fail. We get so excited about our big goal for the year that we don’t recognize the full impact that the process of achieving this goal will have on our life. Typically when we do recognize the impact, it becomes an uncomfortable decision in the moment between the old habit(s) and the new one we are pursuing. We have to plan for that decision upfront, so are ready for that moment of ‘opposite reaction’.
The Third Law! We want to lose weight; we quit eating fast food and start cooking our meals. We want to run a marathon; we cut back on our time playing basketball or weight training and begin a running regime. We want to read 50 books; so I no longer have cable, deleted fun time-wasting apps on my phone, and I have a book with me wherever I go. When I am in the car, I’ve even swapped the radio out for audiobooks (this counts as reading too!). For me and all of us, it boils down to how bad do you want to achieve your goal?
There will be some kick-back and setbacks along the way toward any goal, this is also part of the 3rd law. Equal and opposite reaction. Realizing the 3rd law will help you find other ways in which your goal may have a larger than anticipated positive impact on your life.
Will Drumright, M.S. is an associate of DRB & associates. He works with athletes, coaches, and teams helping build and enhance their mental toughness. He can be reached at wcdrumright@gmail.com or follow on @wcdrummy15
January 9, 2015
What happens when The Hinge doesn’t connect?
I waited to write this and thankfully so. During the bowl season, there was the greatest single football play ever that sealed an incredible comeback. Except the comeback victory didn’t happen.
In another college football bowl game, there was also a dramatic comeback that did result in a victory. The difference was that The Hinge connected for one and it didn’t for another and there was a reason why.
Game 1: Bahamas Bowl: Central Michigan vs. Western Kentucky
Read this insight from James Jimenez The greatest comeback that never happened
WKU was leading 49-14 in the fourth quarter. Central Michigan came back and was behind 49-42 with just one-second left. They then had the most remarkable pass play since The Play (see Cal vs. Stanford). From their own 20-yard line, and four laterals later, they scored a touchdown. The play made the score 49-48. It was a Hinge moment!
Coach Enos decided to go for a two-point conversion to win the game and an incomplete pass later the game was over. They lost.
Wait, what? The Hinge connects; it was supposed to provide Central Michigan with the win. What happened? Coach Dan Enos said he originally planned to kick the extra point. Someone yelled to go for it and he changed his mind, he called the extra point team back off of the field and went for the win.
Coach Enos didn’t trust his gut.
Game 2: Armed Forces Bowl: Pittsburgh vs. Houston
Pitt was leading 31-6 in the fourth quarter. University of Houston was still behind 34-20 and then proceeded to get not only 1, but also 2 successful onside kicks. A Hinge moment! Houston scored on a 25-yard touchdown play to trail 34-33 with just 59 seconds remaining. Coach Gibbs went for a two-point conversion and they scored to take the lead and win the game 35-34. It became the largest 4th quarter comeback in Bowl history.
Coach Gibbs said, “We made a decision the 1st day of practice that if it came down to the end of the game, we were going for two, no matter what,” Gibbs said. “There was no decision. They knew three weeks ago.” Thus, coach Gibbs had prepared for the exact moment that occurred.
Why did Houston comeback and Central Michigan did not? Coach Gibbs trusted his gut, and when we trust our gut, the hinge connects. What we need to learn from this is that each of us needs to trust our gut, our intuition.
Our gut is our in-born GPS that we all have. We must trust it, it is extremely difficult, but it is also necessary for The Hinge to connect. We have no idea when our Hinge moment will occur, but we must prepare for it.
Dr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology coach. DRB & Associates based in Indianapolis works with professional athletes & corporate athletes, coaches, and teams building their Mental Toughness. His 2nd book is titled
The Hinge: The Importance of Mental Toughness
. Follow on twitter
@drrobbell
or contact
drrobbell@drrobbell.com
Check out the new film & e-book, NO FEAR: A simple guide to mental toughness
December 18, 2014
The Negative YOU
I was told early on in life to use “I” statements. I was also instructed to use feeling words like frustrated, upset, and agitated. Yep, those seem accurate descriptors when I am pissed. The key is to train and remember this linguistic skill during stressful times especially when having arguments (growth moments) with my wife.
However, I was never properly instructed on how I should talk to myself.
We rarely talk negative to ourselves when we are thriving and doing well; frankly that’s not mental toughness! When we are on track, we can basically say anything to ourselves that will help us focus.
Mental Toughness however occurs when we are struggling, when things are not going well. The inner chatter, inner voice, and dialogue that we have can take a dramatically different tone.
We are also poor at diagnosing our own self-talk. So, check this out and let me know if you agree.
YOU idiot, YOU suck today, YOU should know better…You, You, You…
These dominate the negative thoughts. I think the YOU statements occupy about 80% of the negativity.
The YOU voice can also ask rhetorical, outcome-based questions. “Are you sure you should be here?” ” You think that is correct?” “Suppose you fail?”
It doesn’t mean we don’t use negative I statements, but if we had a negative parent, or a negative coach, chances are, the YOU negativity, are the statements we will hear. I’ve even heard pro’s at the end of a season just berate themselves, and say things like “you’ve never had it.” Who told him that?
When we hear that inner voice utter YOU, it’s a red flag. The YOU voice is accusatory, its judgmental, and it saps our confidence and focus. It is the same reason why we don’t use it in discussions with our spouse.
Dr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology coach. DRB & Associates based in Indianapolis works with professional athletes & corporate athletes, coaches, and teams building their Mental Toughness. His 2nd book is titled
The Hinge: The Importance of Mental Toughness
. Follow on twitter
@drrobbell
or contact
drrobbell@drrobbell.com
Check out the new film & e-book, NO FEAR: A simple guide to mental toughness
December 12, 2014
N- NEVER GIVE UP
I have a brand new project coming out. It is an 18-minute film and E-book titled: NO FEAR: A simple guide to mental toughness. You can sign-up for the pre-release here….
I was a University professor for 5 years and I would announce to every class on the first day, all that they had to do to graduate college. It was simple…Show up…every day. If they showed up every day, they would almost guarantee themselves a grade of a C, even if they did nothing else. Now, just graduating with a C average probably wasn’t the goal for most, but the point is valid.
Never miss a class… If they are present everyday, then they are taking certain steps to ensure they learn. They force themselves to act as if. They act as a person who graduates does. That’s it. And in doing so, they also ignite specific beliefs. They take ownership and responsibility and as a result of showing up every day, they develop habits.
First we form habits, and then they form us.
Once habits are formed, then beliefs are shaped and we start to conform to our beliefs. The beliefs don’t have to even be deep rooted or existential questions, like does God exist? The beliefs merely form our reason for doing what we do. It becomes our “why.”
When we develop our why, we can come up with any how.
Wait, doesn’t that go contrary to acting as if, and shouldn’t we come up with a vision statement before moving forward?
Neither mental skill is mutually exclusive. Our actions and beliefs work hand in hand. You can’t act as if without having some kindle of a why, a justification, and a belief. Just as once you really discover your why, your purpose, and no longer act as if.
So, when we show up every day, we are in place to get better. We can’t help to learn something and improve in some small way, every day.
When I get in debates about unbreakable baseball records, the one’s that will never fall are those that demonstrated and rewarded perseverance & longevity. One of these records was Cal Ripken, The Ironman. He played seventeen consecutive seasons without missing one single game. He played in 2,632 consecutive games. When Derek Jeter asked Cal Ripken the secret of playing every day, Cal replied, “ You know Derek, I Just…I just play.”
There is no secret….
Now, how many times do you think Cal Ripken was battling a slump, injured, was sick, or had an off the field issue? None of it deterred him from just showing up. What I knew is that when I went to watch the Orioles, Cal Ripken would be playing. #NEVERGIVEUP
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Dr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology coach. DRB & Associates based in Indianapolis works with professional athletes & corporate athletes, coaches, and teams building their Mental Toughness. His 2nd book is titled
The Hinge: The Importance of Mental Toughness
. Follow on twitter
@drrobbell
or contact
drrobbell@drrobbell.com
Check out the new film & e-book, NO FEAR: A simple guide to mental toughness
