Rob Bell's Blog, page 33

The Countdown to Performance…

Those of us who are paid to perform all have a countdown. The moment when we need to perform at our best because it matters the most.

Sean Bartram at Core Pilates & Fitness trains the Colts Cheerleaders and on the mirror, he has the number of days before the try-outs. Many coaches, athletes, and teams also have similar countdowns, such as, the 2016 Olympic Trials, or FIFA World Cup. Maybe for us, it’s a specific race or event?

In order to play our best when it matters the most, we need to develop the mentality that our best is needed today. So, how do we develop this mindset?

Coaches in all areas find tons of ways to externally motivate. They create cultures of excellence, set goals, post motivational quotes, and even bring in speakers, ex-athletes or Sport Psychologists (yes!). Companies and businesses use the seemingly biggest external motivator of all, pay and benefits (except research shows this isn’t true). Each of these motivational tools all work, up to a point.

What replaces the external motivation actually becomes more important because at some point, it will get tough. We will have setbacks, encounter adversity, and struggle. What needs to motivate us is our “why.” Our internal motivation of “why” we do what we do.

If we don’t determine our “why”, we won’t continually put forth our best effort during the countdown. Complacency can easily set in and we may say to ourselves, “this day doesn’t matter that much.” The reality is that you’re right; physically it may not make a difference. However, it matters mentally, because if our “why” is not strong enough, we will make excuses when it gets tough. When the countdown to performance gets close, we will then put forth our best, but at that point, so is everyone else.

Our “why” should make us cry, if not, then it’s probably not our why…It is tough to develop an emotional connection to what drives us. What motivated us two years ago may not motivate us now! We may discover that our internal motivation is really about pleasing others, proving others wrong, or that we are actually trying to fulfill someone else’s goals that THEY had for US.

We are who we are when we are alone…We can fool everyone in our lives that we are putting forth our best effort, or that we have it all together. Except, we just can’t fool ourselves. If we want to perform our best when it matters the most, we need to develop our internal motivation now, not later. Think about it, pray about it, and write it down, you’ll know you’ve got your real “why” when it brings a tear to your eye.

Sean Bartram B.Sc (hons.), MBASES is owner of Core Pilates and Fitness (www.corepilatesandfitness.com) and head trainer to the Indianapolis Colts Cheerleaders. Follow him @corepilatesllc

Dr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology coach. DRB & Associates based in Indianapolis works with athletes, coaches, and teams building their Mental Toughness.  His 2nd book titled The Hinge: The Importance of Mental Toughness was recently released. Follow on twitter @drrobbell  or contact drrobbell@drrobbell.com

Get Rid of Your Mental Baggage

I noticed this past winter that I had accumulated (hoarded) scores of magazines.  I mean I had hundreds of Sports Illustrated, ESPN, and Golf Magazines all stacked up in a corner. Perhaps, I had justified keeping these because “I may refer to an article,” but in reality, they were just taking up space.

Most of us keep things that we really don’t need, but we have yet to throw it away. Mentally, our minds work the same way; we hold onto baggage that serves no further purpose. This mental baggage is made up of poor decisions, bad play, resentments, self-pity, bad relationships, poor results, and hopelessness, etc. What really accompanies the mental baggage however is guilt and shame, which hinders any chance of being confident.

Mental baggage is any negative experience that we have not let go. However, instead of learning from the situation in which we were hurt or messed up, we hold on to it. Even airlines charge bag fees, but we allow our own mental baggage to live rent free in our head.

On the other hand, successful experiences and accomplishments are thrown away. We discount our good performances because it met our expectations and we tell ourselves “that’s what we were supposed to do.” Yet, when difficult times return and we have feelings of doubt, we still have that mental baggage of negativity.

Get rid of your mental baggage. It is a difficult process to do because it means reflecting on painful experiences. Not an easy task! Who wants to remember how it felt when they we fired, missed a shot, or even lost a loved one? But, the importance of mental toughness is that it only takes one! Each one of us has a moment, person, or decision that is coming up and it will make all of the difference.  The Hinge can only connect when we can re-focus and completely “let it go.”

Dr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology coach. DRB & Associates based in Indianapolis works with athletes, coaches, and teams building their Mental Toughness.  His 2nd book titled The Hinge: The Importance of Mental Toughness was JUST released. Follow on twitter @drrobbell  or contact drrobbell@drrobbell.com

Current State of Mental Toughness

Growing up, Mary Towe was the oldest of 8 children, and had to take care of her brother and sisters.  For instance, she couldn’t go on any dates as a 16 year old until her newborn brother was asleep.

The entire family delivered newspapers when they were old enough (10 & 11) and each child had to go door to door to collect the money!!! If a household didn’t pay, the money came out of their own check.

When Mary was 16, she wanted to a pair of contacts. In 1966, contact lenses were $150 for one pair.

To raise the money, she babysat three children after school for $14 a week for 6 months, which she had to take a bus back and forth. She then took a job at a bookstore working from 4-9, five days a week and all day on Saturdays.

It took her 2 years to raise the money because she also had to buy her own clothes, own food, and bus fare, while also saving for Washington School for Secretaries. There was no safety net if she fell.

That’s mental toughness!!!

When my mom and dad separated when I was 9, Mary proceeded to obtain her Associates, Nursing degree, Bachelor’s, followed by an MBA. (I know because I was a child sitting in some of those classes). She eventually became Vice-President of the hospital and was very successful.

She not only ran a 40-million dollar budget, but was an incredible baker, could train dogs, horseback ride, cross stitch, type 80 words a minute, and run half-marathons.

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Nowadays, the safety net is really close…

I often see parents waiting in their minivans with their children when it’s cold outside for the bus to arrive.

Currently, if a high school kid forgets his/her swimsuit, they call up mom or dad to bring it to them.

The present state of athletics is if a child is not getting enough playing time, parents just switch club teams or even high schools.

And we wonder why there is a sense of entitlement?

Dr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology coach. DRB & Associates based in Indianapolis works with athletes, coaches, and teams building their Mental Toughness.  His 2nd book titled The Hinge: The Importance of Mental Toughness was JUST released. Follow on twitter @drrobbell  or contact drrobbell@drrobbell.com

Focus like Pete Sampras

On Januray, 24, 1995, during the Quarterfinals of the Australian Open, two heavyweights, Pete Sampras and Jim Currier, faced off.

Currier won the first two sets and Pete battled back to win the next two sets. During the fifth set, Sampras became obviously emotional, crying during a serve. Later, we learned that Tim Gullikson, Pete Sampras’ coach and friend, had a brain tumor.

Jim Currier saw what was going on and offered an olive branch that turned into a weapon. He asked Pete during his serve, “You okay, Pete, we can do this tomorrow, you know?” 47

Pete Sampras took the remark as sarcasm by Currier and used it to his advantage. He said, “It kind of woke me up to be like, ‘OK, let’s focus’.”  Pete Sampras ended up winning the match.

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Mental toughness is a focus only on the task at hand. This shot, this point, this day…The more we can center only on one shot at a time, the better we will accomplish it. Can you achieve a relentless type of focus? Sometimes we will be called into this type of focus with a light switch moment, embrace it.    Excerpt from The Hinge: Audio-book is now available…

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Dr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology coach. DRB & Associates based in Indianapolis works with athletes, coaches, and teams building their Mental Toughness.  His 2nd book titled The Hinge: The Importance of Mental Toughness was JUST released. Follow on twitter @drrobbell  or contact drrobbell@drrobbell.com

 

What’s your 2014 BHAG?

Your Big Hairy Audacious Goal.

Here are mine: First and foremost, my goal is for The Hinge: the Importance of Mental Toughness to become the #1 Sport Psychology book. It has reached #9 & it will need to clip three Navy Seals books. eeeek. But, hey the audio-book is now out…

One step for that BHAG is that I am starting a streak….I was motivated by a colleague, who ran every single day in 2013.  She didn’t miss one day. I also read about a 52-week streak that to saves money from each week. 

Thus, every day, I am cold-calling a high-profile coach or individual and starting a discussion about The Hinge: The Importance of Mental Toughness. So far, I have contacted Ted Leonsis, Chuck Pagano, Eric Musselman, Dana Holgorsen, and Sean Payton.

My other streak is for you to receive the mental toughness newsletter every Friday. Sign-up here to get it….

You can achieve anything you want, but you have to be willing to take the hits and keep moving forward. What is your BHAG for 2014?

P.S. some contests for free copies of The Hinge will be forthcoming…check out the FB page for The Hinge: The Importance of Mental Toughness. 

Dr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology coach. DRB & Associates based in Indianapolis works with  athletes, coaches, and teams building their Mental Toughness.  His 2nd book titled The Hinge: The Importance of Mental Toughness was JUST released. Follow on twitter @drrobbell  or contact drrobbell@drrobbell.com

Three ways professional athletes achieve their goals.

The majority of New Year’s resolutions fail. Most people set the same type of goal as the previous year and after about 6 weeks; they are done. Even though we know that goals work and how to set goals, they still fail. New Year’s Resolutions fail because we simply lack the correct mentality. So, here are three ways professional athletes achieve their goals.

1)    Just Do It:

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Cal Ripken Jr. played in 2632 straight MLB games without missing a single day. When Derek Jeter asked him the secret of playing every day, Cal replied, “ You know Derek, I just…I just play.” The record didn’t drive Cal Ripken, The Ironman of Baseball…He just showed up and got better.

Any goal is worth pursuing! Whatever your goal is, just do it! Go get it, period! Don’t let the fear of not reaching your goal get in your way. Just be prepared to show up every day and work hard for it.

 

2)    Never Give Up:

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Diana Nyad, 64, achieved one of the most amazing feats in 2013 and reached her lifelong goal of swimming from Cuba to Florida. Nyad, completed her goal of swimming the 110 mile arduous journey on her 5th attempt that spanned across several decades.  She told the crowd after she was finished, “One is, we should never give up” and “two is, you’re never too old to chase your dreams.”

Is this familiar? We miss a workout or a goal and we get down on ourselves. We slowly slip into missing another one and before we know it, we have given up. Research has called this interesting phenomenon, Adherence Violation Effect, which means that one missed exercise session leads us to abandon future exercise habits.

Don’t get discouraged, just pick up where you were and keep going!

 3) It’s Not About You:

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Juilo Jones, NFL wide receiver for the Atlanta Falcons, doesn’t set personal goals. Instead, “It’s all about the team.”  He doesn’t set personal goals for the same reasons we don’t, “I don’t want to limit myself.”

Often, instead of setting goals, what we actually do is make deals with ourselves. We make deal statements such as  “If I, then I” or “If you, then I” and in the process, limit ourselves. For instance, “If I work out four days this week, then I can eat that entire cake” or “If you clean your room, then you can have the car.” These are deals, not goals, and they undermine our success.

Instead, focus on a team or family goal. When we focus on others through our goals, we follow through more, because the goal isn’t about us.

 

Dr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology coach. DRB & Associates based in Indianapolis works with  athletes, coaches, and teams building their Mental Toughness.  His 2nd book titled The Hinge: The Importance of Mental Toughness was JUST released. Follow on twitter @drrobbell  or contact drrobbell@drrobbell.com

 

3 unhealthy ways we compare ourselves…

In my first book, Mental Toughness Training for Golf:, I wrote that one way to lose confidence is to compare yourself to others. I felt that we should fight our urges and focus only on getting better and comparing ourselves to our own level of improvement. Even the majority of articles are about how to stop comparing yourself.

 I was wrong.

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Our natural tendency is to already compare ourselves, in fact, since the age of about 6, we started doing it all the time. We are in a constant state of evaluating to those around us in all areas of life.  This type of beauty contest comparison is what causes internal strife because we often end up in a state of “I’m not good enough.” Not matter how good we get, there is always someone better. Even if we are the best, it’s not for very long.

So, we need to fight the urge NOT to compare ourselves and simply find healthier ways to do it. Here are the 3 unhealthy ways that we compare ourselves.

 

1. We focus on the differences

“We judge others using their highlight reel, while we judge ourselves by what happens backstage.”

We regularly find differences between others, even our competitors, about why they are better than us. Or, we find differences about why we are superior. Both of these are unhealthy because they put us in a position of inferiority or superiority. We are relying on our comparison to feel confident about ourselves. On the other hand, noticing the similarities between others puts us in a state of equality and forces us to pay attention to what we can control.

 

 2. We become envious

“We need to focus on our ‘why’ and others ‘how’.”

We find someone who is better than us or has something we desire and we get envious. We think how awesome it would be for us to have that talent, status, or car. We may even ponder “why” they deserve it. This type of comparison puts us in a state of negativity and reinforces the belief that we are not good enough.  Instead, replace the envy, and use that individual as a model. Focus on “how and “what” they did to achieve that goal and how we can do the same.

 

3. We notice only people better than us

“Develop an attitude of gratitude.”  

In the interviews for my 2nd book, The Hinge: The Importance of Mental Toughness, I came across people who had lost a child. It is the most difficult thing any parent can experience. I interviewed different parents who lost a child at birth, 2 months, 2 years old, and 20 years old. Each of these circumstances were different and painful, but it put into perspective that no matter how bad we have it, someone has it worse. When we focus on the things we are grateful for, it develops an attitude of gratitude. Once we begin to count our blessings, it also gets tough to stop.

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Dr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology coach. DRB & Associates based in Indianapolis works with  athletes, coaches, and teams building their Mental Toughness.  His 2nd book titled The Hinge: The Importance of Mental Toughness was JUST released. Follow on twitter @drrobbell  or contact here drrobbell@drrobbell.com

 

How an Olympic Gold medalist and I shared a Hinge

Most of my life, I have been a sport obsessed honk, not only playing, but also following every sport, in every possible venue.  For instance, as a kid, I used to watch EVERY SINGLE match of Wimbledon on HBO during the summer. I just assumed that the best win, end of story. As a kid, I had no idea that there was a mental component to winning or even playing consistent.

In 1992, my beliefs changed. Reebok had launched a campaign titled Dan or Dave, who is the best athlete in the world? Who will take home the Gold medal in the Barcelona Olympics? The competition was between Dave Johnson and Dan O’Brien, two USA decathletes.

However, even before the Olympics began, during Olympic trials, Dan O’Brien was leading after the 1st day of competition and on record-setting pace. However, during the 8th event, the pole vault, Dan O’Brien stunningly failed in three attempts, scored zero points, and drifted to last place.  He said, “it was like a dream, I wanted to turn to somebody and say, “Do something.”

Our Mess Becomes our Message…

However, he also said something I’ll never forget. During his weakest moment, he said “I pity anyone who goes against me in the next four years.” I was so intrigued that anything like this had happened that I began to follow his career, even cutting out the newspaper clipping from that day!!! It was his Hinge moment, because our mess becomes our message… [ I took his picture holding this framed 1992 newspaper article that hangs in my office.]

It became my Hinge as well, because Dan O’Brien began to see a sport psychologist to help with his mental preparation. He admitted that there were too many variables in his preparation and he needed to become more mentally tough. Well, in 1996, he won the Gold medal in the Decathlon in Atlanta and set the all-time record.

I knew from that moment I wanted to help athletes feel the greatest joy of performing well when it mattered the most. I would become a Sport Psychology coach.  For more information on Dan O’Brien and his journey, check out his new book.

Dr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology coach. DRB & Associates based in Indianapolis works with  athletes, coaches, and teams building their Mental Toughness.  His 2nd book titled The Hinge: The  Importance of Mental Toughness was JUST released. Follow on twitter @drrobbell  or contact here drrobbell@drrobbell.com

 

The Hinge: 2 Book Signings

 

 

 

 

 

Book Signing #1- Dec 11th

Book Signing #2- Dec 13th

10 Everyday Mental Toughness tests.

We may think of Mental Toughness as a huge culminating, you have it or you don’t, event or thing. However, Mental Toughness is really about doing what others aren’t willing to do, pushing ourselves in all areas of our lives, and simply getting better. Thus, since you’re reading this post, some of these tests will be easy, whereas others may be difficult. The key is to accomplish all ten in one day. Each of these tests, challenges us to work on ourselves.

1. Look everyone in the eye.

The eyes tell it all. The reason we won’t is because we aren’t confident in ourselves. Maybe it is because we are troubled or uninterested in the other person. Don’t just gaze and look away either but right up to the point of it being uncomfortable.

 2. Ask a question.

Ask for clarification or to elaborate in every conversation you’re in. Not only will it show your paying attention, but also you’ll learn more. Few people ask questions for fear of looking stupid, so its even better to ask a question in the presence of several people, such as a meeting.

3. Write out your goal for the day.

This is the easiest test, but don’t make it a to-do list. Most of us just think about the goal instead of writing it down. If you write  down what you want to accomplish, you’ll achieve it.

 4.  Get your workout on.

Whether you’re a corporate athlete or someone on scholarship, every one is an athlete. All athletes get physical.

 5.  Wake up 30 minutes early.

The first hour of the day sets the rudder for the rest. Can you fight the innate urge to hit the snooze and just get up? What will you do with the extra 30 minutes?

6. Work through lunch.

In the movie, Wall Street, Gordon Gekko said it best “ Lunch is for wimps.” Pack your lunch; take a break and be present while you eat and recharge, then grind ahead. 

7. Turn off your phone.

This is the tough one for everybody because how long do we go without our phone anyway, 5 minutes? Plan when you get home to shut your phone off during a certain amount of time. Be present!

 8. Take 30 seconds of a cold shower.

Pay attention to where your thoughts go. Its only 30 seconds, can you do it?

9. Listen to someone.

Too often, when someone speaks, we merely start talking about ourselves. Instead, just listen and put yourself in their situation. Ask a question and look them in the eye.

10. Forgive someone.

You can check this one off by forgiving someone who cut you off in traffic, or you can seriously work on this step and choose someone who really hurt you. Remember, resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Sometimes the most difficult person to forgive is ourselves.

Dr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology coach. DRB & Associates based in Indianapolis works with  athletes, coaches, and teams building their Mental Toughness.  His 2nd book titled The Hinge: The  Importance of Mental Toughness was JUST released. Follow on twitter @drrobbell  or contact here drrobbell@drrobbell.com