Rob Bell's Blog, page 26

2 Mental Toughness skills that no one talks about.

I hate it when I hear others type! It drives up the wall, because of course, I’m awful at typing. I look at them like a pauper views an aristocrat. I mean, how dare they actually look at the screen when they type- the audacity!

It has become a laughing joke if others who know my work see me typing. I am a pecker! I actually only use my two index fingers to type. I’ve written 4 books, a dissertation, thesis and a weekly newsletter using this method. I’m reminded about my shortcoming when I see others doing it so effortlessly.

Here’s the rub: It is effective, it is just not efficient. 

I was stubborn, errr, iron-willed. In high-school I REFUSED to take some typing class, because why would I ever need to type that fast?

Stubborn

I like it when my athletes have stubborn traits because it shows that they have the capability for belief in themselves. Stubbornness can cause them to not overly-question their ability or skills. Stubborn people question the answers and other’s suggestions. That’s the mental toughness side of stubbornness.

However, stubborn people are also the most difficult people to work with and coach. A stubborn person alone by themselves is in poor company. 

They often like to argue just for the sake or arguing. Stubborn people are rarely wrong, which means if you would just do things the way they wanted, all would be great.

The toughest part is that they just REFUSE to change.  Sure, they may dabble in the realm of improvement but they revert right back to their old ways under pressure or duress.

Stubborn is a key to mental toughness, but by itself can easily fade into insanity, doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Stubborn MUST be balanced with being coachable.

Coachable 

I first met coach Chuck Pagano at the NFL combine. After introducing myself, the next thing out of his mouth was a question; he asked, “what do you emphasize with your athletes?” I had my answer and we chatted about it. I think it was a good answer, I’m not sure.

But, here is an NFL coach and he asked ME a question? I doubt Bill Parcells would have done that. So, here was my conclusion: he was just trying to get 1% better.

An easy tell if someone is coachable is the number of questions they ask. A coach’s favorite words to hear are “Can you watch this and let me know what you think?”

“How’s that working for you?”  That’s the question I need to answer.

If you have a stubborn athlete or employee, but they remain coachable, you’ve got a winner. It means that they are open to change and willing to receive feedback. Stubborn and coachable is mental toughness. 

If you have someone is stubborn but uncoachable, the solution is to emphasize the relationship and construct the trust.You have to get creative with stubborn, and ensure they are the one’s who came up with the idea. The walls of uncoachability often come slowly down the more he/she knows that you care about THEM and not just their PERFORMANCE.

Dr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology Coach. His company DRB & associates is  based in Indianapolis.  Some clients have included: University of Notre Dame, Marriott, and Walgreens. Check out the most recent book on Mental Toughness- Don’t Should on Your Kids: Build Their Mental Toughness   

The one way to FAIL at your goals…

Credits: Adam Sandler- Billy Madison

There are tons of ways to achieve your goals. I don’t think it is a lack of information, we all know what to do. In fact, I can do without hearing any more people touting off about setting S.M.A.R.T. goals. It’s like they came up with the acronym or something.

This is about how to FAIL at your goals. We as a society know more about failing anyway, so shouldn’t’ we learn to avoid the mentality that happens and why we FAIL?

I’m under the belief that more games are lost than they are won.

Here’s how to fail…

As a professor, every semester during the first few days, I was adamant in communicating that if a student  showed up to class, they would get no worse than a “B.” All bets were off however if they missed even one class. I was not giving away grades, I was just demonstrating that tenacity is more important than talent, and if someone showed the discipline to show up to every class, then they were eager enough to learn and make it happen.

When 9/11 occurred, I was a graduate student at Temple University and they did not even close the school (imagine that). The professor did not cancel the evening class either, so I showed up. I was with two others. I felt so fortunate to be in graduate school, that I made the commitment to do whatever it took to thrive.

A funny thing happened as a professor though when my students would eventually miss a class. They would miss another! I was so keen on this phenomenon of people who missed one class that I kept track of it. Only about 20% of the time did a person only miss one class. 

Here’s how to fail at your goals…

The way to fail is to say “screw it, I blew it.” However, this mentality is pervasive, check out health club attendance in January and then in March. Over 50% of people drop out within 6 weeks. Once they miss once, they miss again…

If we give in or go through the motions it actually makes it easier to do it again. Quitting has now become an option for us.  The science behind this one mistake or lapse is abstinence violation effect.  All it takes is that one mistake or slip up and the mentality becomes “screw it, I blew it.”

The shame and guilt of messing up hurts a lot. It often hurts worse than quitting because when we quit, we don’t have to keep returning to the scene of the crime. There are no more painful reminders and we can move on. Hence, the “screw it”.  The sad part is that we aren’t quitting on ourselves, we are quitting on who we want to become.

How would you explain your vacation to California if you got a flat tire on the way there, so you turned around and headed back home?

It’s not about the setback, its about the comeback.The one workout you missed or one piece of cake that you ate does not define you. If you miss, it’s how you respond to the setback. Can you learn from it and approach your goals with an even stronger resolve and enthusiasm?

Mental Toughness is NOT about messing up, it’s about not giving up. When the thought or option of giving up enters, it is an impostor trying to derail you. Move on from the mistake, change the tire, and just keep going.

But this post isn’t about mental toughness it is about how to fail.

Dr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology Coach. His company DRB & associates is  based in Indianapolis.  Some clients have included: University of Notre Dame, Marriott, and Walgreens. Check out the most recent book on Mental Toughness- Don’t Should on Your Kid: Build Their Mental Toughness   

My Top 5 Books From 2015

“If you are a coach, you are paid to read.” That’s what Tim Robbins taught me, I believed him, so I tried to abide. I hammered more audiobooks this year than every before as well.

Here are my top 5 books from 2015 (in no particular order).

Click on any book image to learn more…

This book was outstanding. He interviewed and embedded the stories and strategies of the greatest financial minds. We immediately started implementing two techniques that he outlined in the book and it saved us a few thousand dollars, not bad.

James Altucher has become a go-to resource for me.  This book outlined strategies for wealth (a trend from me this year?), but how and why to choose yourself. Ten ideas a day, insight into your 401k, why the house always wins are some cool concepts.

Chip & Dan heath also wrote the awesome books Switch and Made to Stick. These books are up there along with Malcom Gladwell’s.  Decisive delved into how and why we make certain decisions and how to counter-balance our own intuition with making smarter decisions in almost every circumstance.

I did NOT think I would like this book. I always have my guard up when it comes to books about persuasion techniques. However, all I could think of while reading this books is how NFL scouts and college coaches “miss” on players. A very enlighting book!

As you can see, I’m not a fiction guy at all. I think the truth is much more entertaining. The amount of research that went into this book was amazing. The journey of the 1936 crew that transformed the sport of rowing. Epic stories of mental toughness and overcoming adversity.

Dr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology Coach. His company DRB & associates is  based in Indianapolis.  Some clients have included: University of Notre Dame, Marriott, and Walgreens. Check out our most recent book on Mental Toughness- Don’t Should on Your Kid: Build Their Mental Toughness   

Why we “shouldn’t” have heroes

I was a huge B.J. Surhoff fan. He played baseball for the Brewers and the Orioles. I didn’t just meet him, I rushed into him at a bar at the University of North Carolina and I apparently freaked him out. He wouldn’t even let me buy him a beer. It was awkward.

I also was once backstage at a show of my favorite band, Bad Religion, and met the lead singer, Greg Graffin. I learned my lesson not to bum-rush him. But, since I had just finished his book, I figured I had an “in.” He merely said “hey” and walked away.

In both instances, I was really let down…

My son wears a Batman mask to school and even wears it to bed. Maybe he has it correct, be your own hero.

I’ve met and interacted with tons of professional athletes since it’s my career. Some are really cool and great people, and some I’m not so sure about. Having athletes and celebrities as heroes though is dumb. Just because someone can throw a pitch 98 mph doesn’t make them a good person. We have NO IDEA the type of person he or she is off of the field. We are who we are when we are alone.

To be fair, athletes often don’t have a choice if they want to be a role model, it’s a de facto position.  I was afraid to be a role model or a leader because I thought I’d messed up and didn’t want to let others around me down.

It is far better to have quality people as heroes, and perhaps they just so happen to be great athletes. These types of heroes are easier to root for.  Dwayne Allen, Rickie Fowler, Derrick Brooks, Webb Simpson, Maya Moore, Fred Barnett, and Kirk Cousins are a few athletes that receive my check of approval as heroes.

I want to add one to the list, Zach Miskovic.

Zach Miskovic is a hockey player and currently a minor leaguer for The Indy Fuel. After a Sunday home game, all families in attendance were encouraged to skate on the ice immediately after the game while the players rejoined the ice and skated with everyone.

I can’t imagine that after a game in which they lost their third home game in a row, that skating for another 45 minutes was the best of times.

I thought, at first, that Zach merely had a ton of his own children because he was skating, chatting, and playing around with so many. You could tell he was enjoying the moment.

At one point, he skated up to my daughter Ryan, grabbed her, and skated along with her. I doubt there was even one kid on the ice who he did not touch or talk to during the 45 minutes. Real heroes seem to go above and beyond.

What’s more impressive is that at dinner that evening, we saw Zach eating at a nearby table with his friends and family. Ryan and I both went up to thank him and he said “Hey Ryan!” “Did you have fun?” Now, I struggle with remembering my neighbor’s names sometimes, but out of all of those kids, he still remembered Ryan. Wow!

I told my daughter that it takes as much effort to be an outstanding guy as it does to be miserable.   It’s not about messing up, it’s more about doing our best with where ever we are. Maybe it is okay to have heroes…

Dr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology Coach. His company DRB & associates is  based in Indianapolis.  Some clients have included: University of Notre Dame, Marriott, and Walgreens. Check out our most recent book on Mental Toughness- Don’t Should on Your Kid: Build Their Mental Toughness   

19 ways to practice humility…

My mom drove me and my twelve-year-old friend three hours to the beach. We stayed in a hole-in-the-wall motel called The Executive and she slept the entire weekend. My mom at the time was working her way through nursing school and was exhausted because she had worked several consecutive shifts.

This wasn’t a family vacation, those were over. This was a mom providing her youngest son a weekend with a friend at the beach.  I think that was an example of humility, I’m not sure, I do know it was the opposite of pride. It was finding a way. Amazing why some memories stick.

Humility is interesting because it is not revered, nor cherished. It is mistaken for weakness, because who wants to admit that they are not the center?

However, Humility is a big brother to patience. These are both mental skills that require being intentional because they don’t come naturally to many of us.

Humility as a pathway to Mental Toughness.

It’s not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.
Being of service to others…
When we are wrong, we promptly admit it.
Not caring about who really gets the credit…
Doing the next right thing…
Means living without extremes…. Moderation
Humility is intended for a good person who wants to get better.
It means asking GOD to direct my thinking.
A form of spiritual fitness.
Asking GOD for help and getting the reply “ask me again tomorrow.”
Asking who else can I pray for?
A perpetual quietness of the heart…
Going to God…
Asking, not telling…
A conscious effort to NOT think about myself. (or else I will think of myself)
NOT having to one-up people…
Rooting for everyone!
Honesty…
Gratitude..

Paul Tesori, caddy to Webb Simpson, is an OUTSTANDING man. He told me one of his techniques when someone congratulates him or pats him on the back for a job well done. He visualizes laying a rose at the feet of his savior. It’s one way he practices humility. His faith is rooted in giving God the glory in all things.

When we start counting our blessings rather than our shortcomings, it gets difficult to stop.

Dr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology Coach. His company DRB & associates is based in Indianapolis.  Some clients have included: University of Notre Dame, Marriott, and Walgreens. Check out our next book on Mental Toughness- Don’t Should on Your Kid: Build Their Mental Toughness  

The Eyeball Contract…

I spoke to a group of elite divers every week this previous summer. This session, I brought along my son and daughter, ages 6 & 4.  They enjoyed sharing the stage with daddy, (I think my daughter loves selling the books), but this time they were particularly enjoying the attention a bit too much. The divers became distracted, so I had to ask my kids to settle it down. Didn’t work… I then knelt down to say it again and my son lovingly punched me in the face.

The divers awkwardly laughed, but I didn’t.  I needed to remain calm and take control at the same time. It was also one of those moments where you could feel all of the eyes on you.

I told him “EYEBALL CONTRACT”. Then, I proceeded to instruct him what was now expected. No more distraction, issue solved. I went right along with the presentation and even told the divers what I just did. A teachable moment…

John Groce, Head Coach of Illinois Basketball, has his players form an eyeball contract. The culture is such that in the huddle before practice and games, players have an eye-ball contract. The eye-ball contract means looking in someone’s eyes and knowing that you will give your best and they will give their best!

I use it with my family and vice-versa when it is something very important. We need each other at their best. No more games~this is what were are going to do.

I’ve seen the best of intentions on signed contracts, pledges, or agreements. They sound great but  rarely work. They are more about looking good rather than actually making a difference. 

People are going to make mistakes and mess up. It happens. Those that signed an agreement or pledge however to NOT mess-up are now bound by a law. When and if they do stumble, they are now under the thumb of extreme shame for the mistake. They often can’t come clean because they are in an abyss. What happens is that they become good liars. The agreement once propped up as a show of pride turns into an awful reminder.

The strategy of an eyeball contract gets results because it addresses the moment, not the past. Eye-ball contracts can be agreed upon frequently and when core values are at stake. It puts the emphasis on our character, in that exact moment. Forget the past.

The head fake is that the best eye-ball contracts are with ourselves in the mirror. Chris Herren, as a former professional NBA player, struggled with alcohol and drug addiction. It wasn’t until he became sober that he finally looked at himself in the mirror.  He simply didn’t like himself before.

I hate messing up, it saps my confidence and I’m just not of much use to anyone during those times. But, all I have is an eyeball contract, and that is renewable every day. I’m going to answer the bell more often than not. Mental Toughness is less about not messing up and more about not giving up. However, what kills most belief is just not allowing ourselves to mess up. We are all worthy of an eyeball contract with ourselves.

Dr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology Coach. His company DRB & associates is based in Indianapolis.  Some clients have included: University of Notre Dame, Marriott, and IMI. Check out our next book on Mental Toughness- Don’t Should on Your Kid: Build Their Mental Toughness  

Top 10 things I’ve learned from coaches

My high school baseball coach once praised me behind closed doors but criticized me in front of my teammates. I think he had it backward, but I wasn’t mentally tough at the time. He served as a huge external motivator to prove him wrong later in life.

My junior varsity soccer coach taught me the most. He would run us for miles and miles and throw in sprints along the way. We had a massive hill that we would run. The day before games, whoever we were playing, we had to sprint 50 yards while shouting out each letter of the team! North Hagerstown was a tough one. He taught me that it was a privilege to train.

Coaches are the most important person in today’s society. It doesn’t matter if you have a poor coach either. All coaches teach us something, either how to do things, or how not to do things.

Top 10 things I’ve learned from coaches


You are paid to read-

I read about 15 books one year and felt pretty good. Except, when Tim Roberts told me that he read 93 books that year, he added why, “You are PAID to read.” The knowledge is out there, but it’s a coach’s job to sift through everything and communicate the main thing, whatever the main thing is.

Create an environment that you are missed if you are not there-

Lou Holtz was a genius. He knew that the best place to work was determined by the environment that we created. I was a professor at a University and was no longer living my passion of working with teams and athletes. My work and attitude suffered. I had to leave because I couldn’t foster an environment where I wanted to be. Maybe some people missed me, but the school didn’t stop, and I didn’t get too many calls begging for me to come back.

Listen-

The first time I met head coach Chuck Pagano was at the NFL combine. I introduced myself and told him my profession. What he did next was amazing. He asked me a question. “Hey, what’s the one thing you stress to your athletes?” I answered it well I thought, but what struck me as odd is why he asked me a question. Head NFL coaches usually don’t do that. But that is exactly how he got to where he is. He listens. Asking questions is the best straw to stir the drink of listening.

Sit in front- 

Hall Of Fame baseball coaches Tommy Pharr and Tim Corbin seemed to race to see who got the closest seat at any conference session. That’s all the proof I needed.

It doesn’t matter what you know- 

What matters more is what they learn. Can you communicate it and keep it simple? Great coaches master the simple. As Coach Herb Sendek said  “Simplicity is the room I want to live in.”

Themes instead of absolutes-

They always seem to stress that what we do is not as important as how we do it. We want to trust our constituents to do what they do; take risks, play free, and utilize their strengths. The best coaches have principles in place, but allow freedom to work within a framework. They make adjustments and aren’t married to only one style.

You’ll get fired-

There are two types of coaches, those that have been fired and those that will be fired. I was fired twice after two of my athletes had career changing wins. I thought I would have been fired after they lost. But after they won, they actually didn’t need me anymore. My job is to build capacity, not dependency. There is only a handful of coaches in any sport that haven’t been fired at some point.

Be the coach you always wanted-

Everyone is a coach and we are always communicating. A coach is someone that takes you somewhere you want to go.

Thank the coach- 

Coaches Mark James and Brian Satterfield end practice the same way, they shake each player’s hand. Simple, yet powerful. No matter the type of practice or outcome of a game, the ending is the same. It was created as a way to put a type of positive closure on a poor day, a way to END it positively.

A better you makes a better us- 

And a better us makes a better you. We need to root for those around us to get better. Too often we look at others as competition and a threat, rather than an opportunity to improve. Frankly, it’s the only way to improve.

 

Dr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology Coach. His company DRB & associates are based in Indianapolis.  Clients have included: University of Notre Dame, Marriott, Walgreens, and IMI. Check out our next book on Mental Toughness- Don’t Should on Your Kid: Build Their Mental Toughness  

3 ways to prevent the big meltdown…

I took a few steps to my right at second base to field a simple ground ball. I dropped it… Run scored, game over! I then proceeded to punch the brick wall of the dugout before getting on the bus, I probably broke it (my hand, not the wall), I don’t remember. All I know is that I now wouldn’t play the next game.

Mistakes happen, errors and failure are a painful part of the game. But, what happens next is still most important. The next play or the next day.

The Texas Rangers had an epic meltdown in Game 5 of the series with 3 consecutive infield errors soon followed by a 3-run homer. I felt bad for Elvis Andrus.

The Bartman incident in 2003 with the Cubs, led to a meltdown by Alou, followed by a walk, followed by a base hit, then a crucial error by short-stop Gonzalez.

Boise State lost to Nevada in 2010, by missing a 26 yard FG in regulation, then missing a 29 FG in OT.

Meltdowns are like a huge wave crashing into the shore.  One mistake leads to another. There is a science behind the collection of mistakes. Catastrophe theory.

One mistake and the adrenaline and anxiety tip past the point of return. Then there becomes an extreme drop off in performance, hence, catastrophe. These meltdowns occur in bigger moments because as the importance of the situation increase, so does the overall anxiety level. Mistakes earlier in competition can be let go of easier, because there’s still a lot of game to be played.

Here are three ways to prevent the Big Meltdown
Use the Time-Out

Once the error happens later in the game, use the time-out! Coaches can ease the tension and uptightness by making the transition from problematic to relaxed. Rallying the troops means to assemble everyone and bring order. The time-out allows this to happen. Too often, this gets overlooked.

During the time-out, reinforce the belief and poise in the players and team. Have them own the awareness that it’s not about the setback, it’s about the comeback. So what? Next play.

Remove the emotion

During stressful and emotional situations, we revert to how we trained!  If we have practiced remaining calm, breathing, refocusing, then we will implement these skills when they are needed. These skills are the best at removing the emotional situation and focusing on making the next play. Mental Toughness prevents the big meltdown. To keep your head when others are losing theirs.

Listen to the cock-pit recording as Captain Sullenberger experienced the depth of emotions when his plane struck the gaggle of birds shortly after take-off in New York. He remained calm as a hindu cow, because his training allowed him to re-focus on the task at hand, successfully landing the full plane with no power in the most populated area in the entire world.

Have a Plan

Short-term, process goals create focus. Long-range, outcome based goals create stress.  After a mistake, using the time out, and removing the emotion, what’s our plan? Short-term goals like make a stop, get an out, knock it down, throw a good pass, aggressive serve, etc. What’s the immediate goal?

Larry Bird stealing the in-bound pass or Reggie Miller scoring 8 points in nine seconds  both had an immediate focus on the goal, make a play!

 

 

 

 

 

Check out our next book on Mental Toughness- Don’t Should on Your Kid: Build Their Mental Toughness  

Don’t “should” on Your Kid: Build Their Mental Toughness

Parents & coaches. We are excited to announce the release of our 4th book on mental toughness. It’s here to help you help your child build mental toughness.
Sign-up for pre-release here…http://bit.ly/1iOP9qy

 

Why I hate koala bears (and you should to)

I hate things that aren’t what they appear to be. I am a wash and wear kind of guy.

I’ve had a few famous idols in my life and was unlucky enough to meet them all. They never lived up to my expectations.

I still get caught up in appearances as much as anyone. It bothers me when I encounter athletes that look like a demigod, but don’t have mental toughness. They may be the fastest on the field, but lack that all important “it” factor.  George Foreman once stated “ Big guys have everything, except motivation.”

Koala bears fit the mold of not what they appear to be.  I thought they were cute until I pulled back the curtain and exposed the wizard.

First of all, they aren’t even bears, they are marsupials.

Koala’s sleep over 20 hours in the day. They are lazy! Anyone actually see them moving around in a zoo?

Over 90% of Koala’s have chlamydia! Gross to even think about, but it’s also the biggest control to their population.

Koala’s are incontinent, they are constantly peeing all over themselves, probably while they sleep too.  Can’t be a pleasant smell.

As if you need one more reason,  baby’s feed on their mother’s “pap,” that’s short for poop I think. The babies actually eat their mother’s diarehea. Sorry I had to mention it.

Rats on the other hand are NOT cute, but they are tough. You know what you’ll get with a rat. I’ll take a rat any day of the week. Rats get a bad rap as snitches. Odd moniker, but it stuck. If I had a college mascot, I would actually name them the Rats.

Rats are an animal that can tread water for over 24 hours.

They  can chew through lead pipes and cinder blocks and run on telephone wires.

They carry around a tail the length of their body and can fit through almost any hole.

They can run up to 24 mph. That’s fast!

95% of the animals tested in laboratories are rats and the one mammal that could survive a nuclear explosion.

Rats even have one of the best kids movies of all-time, Ratatouille.  Koala bears don’t have that.

Dr. Rob Bell is a Sport Psychology coach. DRB & Associates based in Indianapolis works with professional athletes & corporate athletes, coaches, and teams building their Mental Toughness. His 2nd book is titled The Hinge:: The Importance of Mental Toughness

Follow on twitter @drrobbell or contact drrobbell@drrobbell.com

Check out the new film & e-book, NO FEAR: A simple guide to mental toughness .