Elda M. Lopez's Blog, page 4

Relationship Rebuilding After Infidelity

The damage from infidelity is enough to make anyone want to run away from the broken pieces, or, run straight at the offender with biting insults, copious tears and possibly flying fists (or whatever else may be available). But what about the other?

This is one woman’s candid recounting of “life after” and what that looked liked when this couple chose to remain married.

Hint: Not one bit of easy and absolutely no quick fixes.

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I did not stay in my marriage. I am still married.

How can that be true?

The answer lies in the term “stay.” A simple word, but a deceptive one. After my husband’s affair, we decided to try to mend our relationship. Mending a relationship is a journey of healing (always), pain (unfortunately), honesty (ouch), hard work, vulnerability, more hard work, more honesty, and partnership. Staying in a relationship is something completely different. If you stayed in your marriage but still feel wounded, you know exactly what I mean.

You cannot mend your marriage all by yourself. It takes both partners, fully invested in recovering from the infidelity and its destruction that betrayal pours everywhere, like seeping poison. And if your partner is not remotely interested in mending, then you have a choice: you can end the relationship or you can “stay” in it, knowing that it is injured and cracked.

So what did we do? Oh, there are zillions of books and articles and websites that give the seeming magic recipe, but truly it’s an individual path like any type of personal growth. We went to couples’ therapy. We went to individual therapy. We attended a healing weekend retreat. We learned about communication. He explored the reasons for his betrayal. I explored my own self. He tried to figure out why he hurt me. We read “The Monogamy Myth” by Peggy Vaughan and “Mating in Captivity” by Esther Perel. He saw my pain, he shared my pain, he grieved over my pain. He worked through his issues and I threw things (okay, that didn’t help). I broke things (ditto). We yelled. We cried. We yelled again. We committed to brutal honesty. We lied. We told the truth.

And above all, we agreed that we did not want only to “stay”. We wanted a healed relationship or nothing at all. I wanted his integrity or nothing at all.

I do want to be careful here about seeming holier-than-thou. Some may interpret my story this way. But the infidelity conversation has to allow for good people making hurtful choices, just as it allows for bad people making hurtful choices. And why did we try to mend? Eight years later, I can barely remember. It was a complex reason having to do with love, kids, finances, shame (if we get divorced, what will our families think?), stubbornness, hope, and 23 years of history together (good times and awful times) that were not ready to be stored away.




Three months later, we could be tentative friends again. Seven months later, he moved back in. Two years later, we had recovered our marriage. Eight years later, my friends say, “I bet you guys never fight.”  Are they kidding?!  Of course we do. We are imperfect. Our marriage has ups and downs, just like everyone’s.

I don’t mean to imply that some paths are better than others. There are absolutely many valid reasons to stay, just as there are valid reasons to end it or mend it. I just want to be careful about the language we use. Recovery from betrayal is both powerful and exhausting, whether by yourself or with your partner, and in that shared pain we somehow, eventually, survive.

by Laura S., founder, Infidelity Counseling Network
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*Infidelity Counseling Network is a highly valuable resource for those in the throes of infidelity, in one form or another. Have the need? Contact: http://www.infidelitycounselingnetwork.org/

Book Debut on Roseanne Television Series

My book, THE (IN)FIDELITY FACTOR: Points to Ponder Before You Cheat made its television debut last night on Roseanne. Thankfully I captured images the day of shooting as the episode visual was fleeting. Neal Carlos, camera operator extraordinaire, also helped out. Many thanks to the show itself for allowing me the opportunity!

News Share!

I’ll be presenting my infidelity prevention message and book, THE (IN)FIDELITY FACTOR: Points to Ponder Before You Cheat, at the Greater Van Nuys Rotary meeting, April 19, 2018.

Also, my book will soon be in the self-published authors section set to debut at Donald Bruce Kaufman Library (Brentwood 90049) in a couple of weeks. The book is currently in their hot little hands. And, said book will be on the shelf at Santa Monica Public Library–Montana Branch, by the end of the week.

Happy!

Elda

 

Questions for Cathy #18: Unconditional Love – Or Is It?

As Valentine’s Day approaches, love is vastly promoted and seemingly unconditional with all the love-joy in the air.  Chubbity cupids are slinging arrows; velvety, red roses abound and life’s boxed chocolates are happily received. No doubt, love is a beautiful thing. It should be celebrated.

Along with love comes the term “unconditional.” This has been a staple when referencing romantic relationships. We tend to believe it without reserve or question: Love your mate unconditionally. Yet, with every new relationship and the continuum of personal growth, I question this phrase. In theory, it’s a lovely sentiment; in application, not so much. I have concerns that people think they must put up and shut up because the unconditional factor has echoed for years on end. If people feel confined, dissatisfied and unhappy, yet believe they can’t leave the relationship due to constraints stemming from those two words, guess what happens? Infidelity, for one. I decided to address this topic with the ever-informational Cathy Chambliss, LMFT. Her simple yet defined breakdown gives voice to the realities of this oft-recited phrase. Turns out, we’re on the same page.

EML: What are your thoughts about unconditional love?

Cathy:

Unconditional love is defined per dictionary.com:

” affection with no limits or conditions; complete love.“

It seems like all people in romantic relationships long to experience this with each other and become frustrated when they don’t.  I think there is a huge distinction between unconditional love and the ability to work well in a relationship. Many people love their partners but are not able to have a healthy relationship, so they leave the partnership.

For example: You may love and adore your husband, but he has a drinking problem and he won’t seek help. As much as you love him, you don’t want to live with a person that has unhealthy habits that impact your life in a negative way. Another example might be; you adore and love your wife but she is verbally abusive when angry, behavior she learned growing up in an abusive home. She refuses to go to therapy or to learn anger management techniques. As much as you love her, you also have to take care of yourself and set boundaries so that you can remain healthy.

Relationships require effort, communication, give and take, anger management, and daily loving gestures shown towards your partner. While you may feel unconditional love for someone, you also can’t allow yourself to be treated badly and suffer in the process. It is equally important to practice good self-care. And sometimes that means leaving someone you love.

***

Words are powerful. How they are interpreted and applied makes all the difference. Cathy’s answer gives a reasonable view of this particular perceived absolute. Addictions are best acknowledged, addressed, and hopefully worked through. Abuse shouldn’t be tolerated for numerous reasons. Of course, we do what we can to help our mate through struggles, that’s also a component of love. Tolerance levels may differ, but there comes a time when it’s best to say no to the detrimental conditioning of the “unconditional.”

If you can’t stay with the one you love, send them unconditional love from afar. It’s okay. Send them every positive thought for their own betterment, if possible. You don’t have to fully sacrifice yourself for an idealized version of what “should” be. We can’t continually be someone’s emotional support system, without requiring the same.

Better to throw love in their direction from afar, rather than lose sight of your own up close and personal.

*(Sidebar: Days leading up to, and the day after Valentine’s Day, are also some of the busiest for infidelity. Read through my other V-Day blog posts for more on this.)

**(Cathy Chambliss: 310-303-9132)

 

 

The post Questions for Cathy #18: Unconditional Love – Or Is It? appeared first on Elda M. Lopez - THE (IN)FIDELITY FACTOR. Points to Ponder Before You Cheat..

Questions for Cathy #18: Unconditional Love–Or Is It?

Valentine’s Day brings chubbity cupids slinging arrows; velvety, red roses; life’s boxed chocolates, and a love-centric theme that will be just about everywhere. Love is a beautiful thing. It should be celebrated.

(Side bar: days leading up to and the day after Valentine’s Day, are also some of the busiest for infidelity. Read through my other V-day blog posts for more on this.)

Along with love comes the term “unconditional.” This has been a staple when referencing romantic relationships. We tend to believe it without reserve or question: Love your mate unconditionally. Yet, with more relationships and growth I experience, I question this phrase. In theory it’s a lovely sentiment; in application, not so much. I have concerns that people think they must put up and shut up because of the unconditional factor echoed for years on end. If people feel confined, dissatisfied and unhappy, yet feel they can’t leave the relationship due to constraints stemming from that one small phrase, guess what happens? Infidelity, for one. I decided to address this topic with the ever-informational Cathy Chambliss, LMFT. Her simple yet defined breakdown gives voice to the realities of this oft recited phrase. Turns out, we’re on the same page.

I asked:

What are your thoughts about unconditional love?

Cathy:

Unconditional love is defined per dictionary.com:

” affection with no limits or conditions; complete love.“

It seems like all people in romantic relationships long to experience this with each other and are frustrated when they don’t.  I think there is a huge distinction between unconditional love and the ability to work well in a relationship. Many people love their partners but are not able to have a healthy relationship, so they leave the partnership.

For example: You may love and adore your husband, but he has a drinking problem and he won’t seek help. As much as you love him, you don’t want to live with a person that has unhealthy habits that impact your life in a negative way. Another example might be; you adore and love your wife but she is verbally abusive when angry, behavior she learned growing up in an abusive home. She refuses to go to therapy or to learn anger management techniques. As much as you love her, you also have to take care of yourself and set boundaries so that you can remain healthy.

Relationships require effort, communication, give and take, anger management, and daily loving gestures shown towards your partner. While you may feel unconditional love for someone, you also can’t allow yourself to be treated badly and suffer in the process. It is equally important to practice good self-care. And sometimes that means leaving someone you love.

***

Words are powerful. How they are interpreted and applied makes all the difference. Cathy’s answer gives a reasonable view of this particular perceived absolute. Addictions are best acknowledged, addressed, and hopefully worked through. Abuse shouldn’t be tolerated for numerous reasons. Of course, we do what we can to help our mate through struggles, that’s also a component of love. Tolerance levels differ, but there comes a time when it’s best to say no to the detrimental conditioning of the “unconditional.”

If you can’t stay with the one you love, send them unconditional love from afar. It’s okay. Send them every positive thought for their own betterment, if possible. You don’t have to fully sacrifice yourself for an idealized version of what “should” be. We can’t continually be someone’s emotional support system, without requiring the same.

Better to throw love in their direction, rather than lose sight of your own.

*(Cathy Chambliss: 310-303-9132)

 

 

Positivity and Infidelity

What the heck does positivity have to do with infidelity?! It seems oxymoronic, repellent, confusing, and a few other choice adjectives. How can something so negatively perceived be associated with anything that is remotely positive? Not exactly an ideal way to greet 2018. Makes no kind of sense. Well…let’s see.

As we start a new year, the intent, usually, is to begin with a list of positive resolutions. Resolutions that will enhance one’s overall well-being. Positivity up front and personal. Some have a laundry list ready to be tackled; others, a single item for contemplation. It may prove useful to start small and build up rather than chunk off something unrealistic that invites frustration and self-defeating behavior. All that stressful urgency can bring on short-lived intentions; you’re done, finished, had enough thank-you-very-much and have scampered off to embrace the comfort of old, negative patterns. I have been that person. On the other hand, yearly list making and big ticket tasks may not be your thing. Your life, your call. The good news is: anything can be changed and accomplished once you set your mind to do so. Can’t say enough about mindsets.

Resolutions usually serve to improve physical health, mental outlook and/or the almighty pocketbook. During the first few months of a new year; gyms are crazy-full with people on a mission to shed extra holiday poundage; others have downloaded a motto that inspires and stimulates new thought, and there are those who have chosen to up their money game toward a set goal. All good.

I used to write a list filled with lofty expectations but realized I was putting way too much pressure on myself which resulted in less than zero fun and compromised productivity trailing right behind. My every year mantra, for several running, is: positive forward motion…just keep moving forward. That definitely doesn’t mean I have the luxury of steamrolling or ignoring upsets along the way. If anything, as much as it may pain me, mucho in some instances: I know I have to acknowledge messiness and challenges, assess each situation, find the wherewithal to work through it, and hopefully take away a lesson or two. Sometimes the lesson isn’t immediately revealed (so annoying, that), but patience does serve. In the meantime–I just keep moving forward.

Now, what does positivity have to do with infidelity? Infidelity is one of the most negatively impactful circumstances anyone can experience. It’s upending with unending amounts of thoughts, feelings, and information to process. Yet, believe it or not, the aforementioned resolutions toward positive well-being can also be applied to handling infidelity: start small, build up; anything can be changed and accomplished; mindsets; acknowledge; assess; lessons learned; patience; keep moving forward. These are markers to positively invest in yourself during or after; grieving, venting, and seeking professional guidance. Staying stuck or wallowing in hurt, rage, and bitterness, does not serve. It just doesn’t. I understand hearing the word “positivity” when in the throes of dealing with betrayal will bring forth a certain amount of disbelief, tears, and a possible torrent of spicy four-letter words. But, remember, one huge decision has already been made–you’re now in charge of another. Don’t be forced by life. Be the force in your life.

So, another year of fear, suffering, and self-sabotage? Or the most perfect year to implement actionable positive habits to feel alive and thrive again? I say: Choose, you. Every bit of you.

Cheers to 2018!

 

Office Affairs: Who cares?

I think it’s safe to say, office affairs are relatively common. While having an affair isn’t exactly an occupational requirement, there may be some unexpected on-the-job training. Of course, most businesses rely on their employees to act according to their code of conduct, as in: a well-organized, respectful and collaborative environment (per workable.com/templates). Even industries that cater to sex: strip clubs, brothels and the like, have a code that must be followed to secure the protection and safety of their investments. The bottom line is serious biz in any sector.

No matter which field; how small or large the industry–there will be opportunities for personal collaboration. Plenty. Close proximity to colleagues; shared projects; in-house social functions; traveling to further a company’s goals, all help create situations ripe for oversharing. Working in such an intimate setting days, months, and years on end; can unquestionably foster next level relationships. Across the professional board, infamous stories of company parties gone wild are oft told and in abundance. Too much stress, alcohol, and assorted whatnot collide to form the perfect storm for indiscretions initiated in broom closets, on balconies, the boss’s office or wherever else the tumble lands. 

In any work sphere, it’s easy to see how lines can become blurred. The flipside: it’s much harder to step back once that line has been double-crossed.

Since this topic fuels water cooler exchanges, and reaches far and wide; it deserved a survey. Four questions were asked to gauge “Who cares?”. Turns out, most do.

Would you view your colleagues differently if you knew they were having an office affair?
How would you treat their S.O. (not the affair partner) at a company function?
If their affair was impacting your job negatively, would you speak up?
What do you think about office affairs overall?

Answers:

The majority responded: Yes. No explanation was included, just a simple yes. One said: No, you never know what their situation is at home.
99% said: Respectfully, no different, or the same. 1% replied: I would avoid them.
100% replied: Yes.
Some answers given were: Wrong, disruptive. Not good. Self-control is a good trait. Office romance, yes; office affairs, not a healthy choice. Best if discreet.

To tag on to the above, I spoke with an acquaintance not too long ago who mentioned his married uber-wealthy, muckety-muck boss was having an affair with, you guessed it, his assistant. He said it was very uncomfortable for those in the office. This makes everyone an accomplice of sorts. An unfair imposition at best.

Another perspective was aquired from my go-to marriage and family therapist, Cathy Chambliss.

“About 25 percent of the affairs I see in my practice start at work. Most of the time workplace affairs are kept secret because people are afraid they could lose their jobs, or the affair could complicate their work environment. One problem with these type of affairs is; if you decide you want to stay married, and your spouse has knowledge of your affair, you will most likely be asked to quit your job, or be asked to transfer. Of course, leaving or transferring can have a large impact on your career. These are some of the unintended consequences of an affair at work.”

Consequences. It’s almost a given there will be consequences. Whether on the down-low or conducted boldly, an office dalliance can lash back in a multitude of ways. Ideally, we hope our work domain runs smoothly, maybe not perfectly, but at least smoothly. Paychecks depend on it. Emotions are attached to money, and of course, affairs. Both incite reactions. Make no mistake, this can be a lethal combination–just ask anyone who’s lost their fortune in the ugliest of ways because of infidelity. Not to mention, other areas affected. The statement below sums up a few of those areas. It was submitted by “anonymous” to the comment section of a Psychology Today article dated August 22, 2017, re: office affairs.

“stealing from their spouse (time, affection, effort, money spent).”

Stealing, that’s a big word–and appropriate. It’s not a word you want to hear business-wise, much less, personally.

To summarize: Before attempting to actionize a new opportunity, understand this particular interface will surely not reduce expenses or necessarily improve efficiency. A negative ROI is more likely. Be mindful of the bitter low-hanging fruit.

Reasonable intelligence quotient got you the job, emotional intelligence will help you keep it.

The Hefty Price of Infidelity

Infidelity and money. Two delicate subjects. Separately, each spark provocative responses. Together: highly flammable. No one appreciates a messy relationship, nor messy money.

People who gamble with infidelity put their finances into very shaky hands. Credit cards, hotels, trips, dinners, gifts and whatever else is splurged upon for a quick fix, or ongoing liaison; cost some bucks. And this is only a small portion of the financial pie being expended. There’s hush money, which may or may not silence the betrayed (returning to a spouse may also feel like betrayal to a paramour). The ante could be upped, depending. Stalkers? You may need a PI. They don’t come cheap. Emergency doctor visit for an unexpected pregnancy or an STD alert? Costs dinero. Everyone involved: the betrayed, betrayer, and the “other” pay the price. 

According to a 2006 report by the U.S. Census the median household income for a family of four is approximately $70, 354. When a marriage disintegrates potentially half of the finances and property go away (based on where you live). Per this example; that’s $35, 177, a substantial amount to see go by the wayside. That number is then decreased by the number of children in the household and their needs. The innocents that were lovingly created, and now caught up in the chaos, will have plenty of needs: clothing, food, health related appointments and education, to name a few. Some schools aren’t able to provide essential supplies, which means that money has to come out of pocket from ma and pa. Extracurricular activities and the overall unexpected, will put another dent into the incredible shrinking wallet. To add insult to injury, it’s particularly devastating if there is only one working partner and the other is left to start over, sometimes penniless, and as a single parent

What about you? Aren’t you due a little diversion after all the stresses of the break-up? Golf and spa days are now past-tense. Feeling the pinch yet? How’s a cramped apartment looking after having had your sprawling dream home? And what about that “new” used fifteen-year old car that will need major maintenance at some point? As for the paramour, she/he can’t afford to be kept, so–para-no-more.

When it comes to money, there are no limits to what some may do if their livelihood has been threatened by indiscretion. How many seething mates fight tooth and nail to rip open the pocketbook and inflict deep revenge on the straying party?  Raging emotions alone do enough damage without the monetary snag. Not to mention the physical: property damage (we’ve heard the stories; insurance issues and repairs), bodily harm (hospital stays), funeral expenses for whomever (each is a potential victim); all possible, and all cost money. So, why sully life with preventable financial set-backs?

As you can see by and large, the break-up of a couple and family due to fidelity gone astray lends itself to many distressing factors. The examples aren’t meant to be sensational, they exist. Economically, infidelity can plunge people in to murky areas of which they’re not familiar or comfortable. This isn’t just about an inconvenience or hiccup with regards to your financial health. It can set the tone for bankruptcy and government aid. It’s glaringly evident the domestic socioeconomic framework is at stake. This is real, too real. We owe it to ourselves to be aware, otherwise society at large will continue to bear the fiscal downside. And…

We are all society at large.

 

Questions for Cathy #17: What is the Most Surprising Aspect You’ve Discovered about Infidelity?

In the life of a marriage and family therapist, I’m sure there are many surprising aspects of relationships that are uncovered in the process of processing. Therapists hear a plethora of stories day in and day out: some common, others, not so much.

Since infidelity isn’t one-size-fits all, there will undoubtedly be plenty of aha moments. I’ve had more than a few surprises while researching this topic. A good thing, since that allows me to continually keep an open mind. But, I wanted a therapist’s perspective. I wanted to know about an inside moment, so I turned to Cathy Chambliss, LMFT to answer. Of course, I asked generally speaking. Due to client confidentiality, nothing of a private nature was revealed. 

The simplicity of the answer will, well…probably surprise you.

My inquiry:

What is the most surprising thing you’ve discovered about infidelity?

Cathy:

The most surprising thing I’ve discovered about infidelity in my practice is, how often it occurs in relationships. It really highlights the fact that monogamy is challenging for many couples, and it may even go against our mammalian nature. However, I do know that loving monogamous relationships are possible. Many people do not know how to create both emotional and physical intimacy. This is why couples counseling, workshops, and reading books can be so helpful for struggling couples.

***

Considering her answer, it’s safe to say infidelity is a huge issue. Yet another confirmation in the direction of infidelity becoming normalized. Or am I reading too much into it? Those in opposition may react in disbelief or disdain: “It’s only one therapist’s opinion.”, “Who cares what therapists say?” etc., but if a professional in the business of examining and exploring relationships is telling us she’s surprised infidelity is so common–I think we need to pay attention.

Per usual, I’m speaking of infidelity in a committed relationship whereby partners agree to be loyal to each other until further notice. That’s the defining factor–further notice. If you’re not giving a heads-up as to how your thoughts, feelings, desires, and love have changed before you step away from your commitment; there are, and will be, major problems. Believe that.

I suppose, like anything else, until it happens to you it’s someone else’s issue. I understand the sentiment. Who wants to entertain the idea of such a disruptive circumstance? The significance of this act evokes all sorts of emotions best left easily resting in denial. It won’t happen to me! Hopefully not, but, you never know. And it’s that unknown element that can benefit from a preemptive honest conversation.

Before my experiences with infidelity, I didn’t contemplate it much, if at all, because the consequences hadn’t yet affected my life. Especially, when I was in the role as the “other” woman. It was as if “he” was just another man I was “dating” who had another life and we’d see each other when we could. The great disconnect. Talk about blinders and a good dose of cognitive dissonance. Then there’s the flipside; my life was turned completely upside down by my ex’s infidelity. It was an entirely different reality altogether. Too much reality.

We each have a reality. Are you aware of yours? Are you addressing concerns, disappointment and dissatisfaction before the proverbial corner is turned? If so, and you happen to be in maybe-it’s-time-to-finally-say-something mode, and, if Cathy’s observations are spot on–choose to go with truth, and not the consequences. 

*www.cathychamblissmft.com

 

 

 

Infidelity Is A Hard Sell

“Infidelity is a hard sell”; my new tagline. I know it seems oxymoronic, but in reality…it’s not. The journey with my book, THE (IN)FIDELITY FACTOR: Points to Ponder Before You Cheat has been all about learning curves. And apparently, I needed to round those tricky curves in order to realize the full spectrum of what I was/am up against. In my zeal and earnestness to tackle the topic of infidelity prevention, I didn’t fully take into account how much more there was/is to this subject. So much!

The huge scope of adultery is mind-boggling, particularly when it’s echoed time and time again, that, the majority don’t approve: 90% of Americans believe adultery is morally wrong. I’ve mentioned this stat before, but here’s another reiteration to drive the point home, literally. Yet, we’re not doing enough to address it, and to add insult to injury, it’s met with resistance in the process of trying to do so. So where’s the disconnect?

I, personally, want to connect. I’ve reached out to certain groups to spread my word. Most thought it was a great idea, but the timing was wrong; some didn’t even bother to tackle it, and others were on the fence. One member in charge of acquiring speakers said he believed it was definitely a topic worth sharing, however, several members of the group had encountered the experience, and out of deference, he decided against engaging. Ironic, as this is precisely the reason there needs to be a dialogue! Who are we protecting by “respecting”? 

I get that people need to heal (remember, I was one of those people) and do so at their own pace, but, if someone is there to support you on a level that is relatable and nonjudgmental, why not choose to hasten the process of understanding? This goes for everyone in the room. We can learn from each other’s circumstance. I know I have. It’s been unexpected and surprising how much I have. Talking about infidelity releases bits and pieces of shame, humiliation, anger and pain. That alone is worth a chat.

The flipside being, I have found people that do want to talk about it…one-on-one. When I was interviewing individuals and recording their stories, I’d put down my pen and pad thinking we were ending the conversation, only to swiftly grab them again because other notions came to their mind. Once the thought process got going, it unleashed (and I’m going to say unburdened, cause that’s what it felt like to me) their memories and afforded deeper insights that perhaps weren’t uncovered or recognized prior. Even at book signings, people inevitably shared their comments or story. This happened over and over–and over.

But sometimes I get the impression wounded parties prefer secrecy, victimhood or stasis mode, which prevents healing and headway. Not to say you want your business out on the streets, but that’s exactly where, unfortunately, unbeknownst to you, it’s been taking place. Family, friend, and foe might already have the 411. Of course, when in the midst of infidelity pain, you don’t want to expose yourself, as you’ve just been overexposed to a profound betrayal. However, there does come a time when talking about it is the most caring and thoughtful thing you can do for–you, and yes, others. 

I’m aware of one nonprofit, the Infidelity Counseling Network, that offers gratis counseling to those dealing with infidelity related issues. Unfortunately, they may not be able to continue. This quote from Executive Director, Laura Steuer, explains it, “Our challenge is funding. We have plenty of volunteers and plenty of clients, but it’s always a struggle to raise funds to keep our nonprofit operating–the issue of infidelity is hard for people to hear about so it takes a lot of outreach, marketing, personal connections, etc, to bring in donors.” Their service is extremely generous and valuable, but apparently, it’s a hard sell–and it’s free! Okay, so the money has to come from somewhere, but why not fund a service that is committed to making a positive change? I know of another company that, regrettably, did go under due to lack of activity. This company was promoting a healthier way to initiate relationships, especially if priors had been affected by betrayal. And another organization had to cancel a full-on infidelity seminar with several speakers (myself, included) because people didn’t physically want to be present, even though there was tremendous interest and inquiry. It was later reintroduced as a virtual summit–with 500 participants.

On one hand, we don’t want rampant adultery, but, we also don’t want to literally show up en masse to discuss resolutions; and we’re not supporting organizations that are doing their best to remedy this chaotic, life-changing event. Again, mind-boggling.

Infidelity, specifically its prevention, will continue to be a hard sell unless we switch up our mindset. The damage incurred through betrayal is too great to ignore. Ask your friend, your neighbor, your uncle, the local barista, that famous celebrity, or fallen politician you may know; about the harmful and devastating backlash. Better yet, ask yourself. Then, be a part of the answer. 

Sold!