Akosua Dardaine Edwards's Blog, page 92

Simple Like That

The ego, a necessary construction, can also become a burden. In its unrelenting focus on power, achievement and sensual gratification, it breeds a culture, both inner and outer, of oppression, insecurity, addiction and loneliness. Enough is never enough. There is always someone richer, more accomplished and more successful than you are. Spiritual traditions across the world have offered counsel. The happiness that comes from accumulation is fleeting, they remind us. There is another kind of happiness, let’s call it joy, that comes from helping others. David Brooks

How do I know when I need to put my ego in check? How do I know when my ego is running amok? I start defending everything people ask me,  I disappear, I hide, I want to prove my point. I beat myself up and make excuses. 
The ego has to be put in check sometimes, because if not, it thrives on comparison, separation, conflict and guilt.

When I find myself going down that road I know that I'm tripping!

I have learnt to take a step back. Make no moves or decisions and return - We call it the " I shall return and I must come back" move.

Simple like that

Peace

Stay in Your Lane

Some of our biggest disappointments in life are the result of expectations we have of others that they can’t ever possibly meet . Soledad Francis

Iyanla says it the best, it is actually unloving to both you and the other person to expect them to do the things they have either demonstrated that they cannot do or are unwilling to do by their actions.
We live in hope that if we continue to coerce, prove ourselves, ask nicely, motivate and inspire others that they will somehow come around to doing that particular thing that we have been asking and begging them to do or not do for ages.
When they don't we get really frustrated and annoyed, sometimes bitter!

Do your thing, stay in your lane, climb your ladder and most importantly make a choice that you cannot make people do anything you want them to do if they don't want to do it. Focus on you, because....choices
Real talk!

Peace

Have you read any of Akosua's work?What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self LoveNyabo (Madam) - Why Are You Here?Daily Lessons on the Journey - A Journal
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Does Attitude Matter?

An inflated consciousness is always egocentric and conscious of nothing but its own existence. It is incapable of learning from the past, incapable of understanding contemporary events, and incapable of drawing right conclusions about the future. It is hypnotized by itself and therefore cannot be argued with. It inevitably dooms itself to calamities that must strike it dead. Carl Jung
How much of a role does  attitude play in our daily living with others? I have seen so many quotes and sayings about how far a pleasant attitude can take you. I have seen those saying that a positive attitude can alter your altitude and many others which subscribe to the view that one's attitude plays an important part on the journey.I  am experiencing a situation right now where someone continuously displays an attitude of divisiveness, non - inclusion, bullying and unkindness. What baffles me is that this attitude seems to be rewarded in the name of "getting the job done" The willingness to tolerate bad behaviour as a means to an end is prevalent especially at a management or Government level. It is almost to say we will do whatever it takes at the expense of anything to get to the end game which is usually money.Think of how much more work would get done and more benefits would ensue if there was an environment where positive attitudes were welcomed and encouraged.I started asking myself, what are the lessons in this scenario?What are the lessons in dealing with a situation where someone's poor attitude is tolerated for the sake of getting the job done?
Lessons:1. Set Boundaries for yourself - boundaries are the situations you are sure that will not be tolerated2. Be Prepared to Act - if your boundaries are crossed be prepared to act3. Do not take it personal - many times people display on the outside what they are feeling on the inside4. Re-evaluate your why - why are you there? 5. Not every situation demands a response from you - learn to leave some of the nonsense alone6. Be Kind - kindness costs you nothing.
Please feel free to add your lessons to the list, I am curious to learn and share lessons on the JourneyPeace
Have you read any of Akosua's work?What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self LoveNyabo (Madam) - Why Are You Here?Daily Lessons on the Journey - A Journal
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No Heat, No Judgement

When we think we are unworthy, it means that, for some reason, we believe that we have to prove we  have a right to our space on the planet, in life, as we are,".  "That means that we will do all manna of wonderfulness to prove we deserve to be here." In that effort, we tend to go overboard in our everyday interactions. "We over commit, over-give, we over-do, we over-excuse, we overcompensate, and we stay in difficult, desperate, hurtful, harmful situations much longer than it is wise or productive to do so,"  it's impossible to improve your self-worth without first recognizing your true value and seeing yourself as worthy - Iyanla
The moment I find myself defending a position, wanting to prove that my way is the right and best way I have to check myself. I am drifting into a realm of feeling  either less than or better than. It may not come across that way. Real talk!
The need to get someone to agree with everything we say and believe is not just unrealistic, it is a testament of you not respecting differences of opinion and stepping out of your own business.
Yesterday my very good friend had a very passionate discussion about the role of men and women in the home, particular when married. Her view is that the man is the head of the home and makes the final decision. My view was different, I believe in mutual decision making.
I asked about if the final decision made is not in your best interest will it still be accepted. Her response was yes sometimes. That response bothered me, I started pleading my case, getting passionate and heated. I wanted her to see that those little decisions add up and then pierce your soul. It started turning too heated. I stopped. I literally stopped and thought, this is not your journey, even though you believe differently all you can do it live your life as a demonstration of what you believe and leave the rest there.
I have learnt to:
1. Respect other people's point of view even if it is different
2. There is nothing to prove to anyone
3. Live and speak authentically

Peace


Have you read any of Akosua's work?What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self LoveNyabo (Madam) - Why Are You Here?Daily Lessons on the Journey - A Journal
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Are You Ready to Get Out of Your Own Way?

It was really about rising to the opportunity that had been given to me and making sure I didn’t sabotage it with the fear that I felt stepping out into this big bad world . Lupita Nyongo

I am a strong believer in the Laws of the Universe, some people argue with me about those beliefs. They want to know why I place more emphasis on the Laws of the Universe than the Bible. I can safely say that it really is a case of me identifying with what moves my soul. I love many of the stories given in the Bible, they are brilliant lessons, my challenge is the misinterpretation by many who use the Bible as I term it a weapon to keep others in fear, guilt and bondage. Anyhoos, I digress!
The point I was actually going to make is about getting out of our own way. It is simply not only visualising the outcome of what you desire. It is putting in the "work" required to make it a reality. This comes from the tenets of the Law of Inspired Action. Part of taking inspired action is getting out of our own way, overcoming our own inner critic, letting go of toxic relationships, facing the guilt and fear, focusing on our own self care, not taking the easy way out. Making a decision to stay in a relationship because of how it looks on the outside and what material or other benefits that we receive because of them is also part of getting out of our own way. Many of our challenges stem from our own versions and perceptions of how others perceive what we are doing or not doing.
I have learnt to start from within, the doubts will always be there, the questions will always be there, the naysayers will always be there. What will also always be there is you and your inner guidance.
How are you using your inner guidance? I call it your GPS.
Are you ready to get out of your own way?
Peace

Go Inward

"if you're wondering why things aren't clicking, or why things aren't happening in the ways you want or wish, now would be a good time to ask, "what am i holding onto in spirit that no longer serves me, that is keeping the good away?" Joel Leon

There are so many new experiences that I have been happening in my life over the past few weeks. I know and I have heard that the only thing one can guarantee in life is change. I must say though it works so much easier when I either read that or tell it to someone else! Experiencing change is still a very tough lesson for me especially when the change is not something that I am comfortable with and don't know the actual outcome.
Change I have learnt is never convenient, and new experiences come to show us how much we have grown or how much growing we still have to do.
When the new experiences come, and I feel uncomfortable, I resist them. Resistance looks like me showing up late, me complaining bitterly to anyone and everyone that would listen, passive resistance, not being fully present, hiding. I have a toolbox of resistance! That resistance comes from the fear of the unknown and the inconvenience of living a different life.
So, I have learnt to notice the resistance, to welcome it in, have a chat with myself assuring myself that this too shall pass, that the experiences are here for you, to learn, to stretch, to grow, to see. If I remain willing, what comes out on the other side of the experience is always useful either for me or for the work that I am involved in. Be pissed off, that is okay, just don't be pissed off and resistant too long so that you miss the lesson.
PeaceHave you read any of Akosua's work?What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love
Nyabo (Madam) - Why Are You Here?Daily Lessons on the Journey - A Journal
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Ego Check

Now for the Ego Check. How do you know when you are being ruled by the negative ego? It’s simple. When you perceive life as a process of you against them or, believe they are out to get you; when your needs are more important than theirs or, when their needs are more important than yours, you are under the spell of the ego. Iyanla Vanzant 

This morning I was listening to a podcast on the Ego. I've had this love-hate relationship with the ego. I thought the ego was bad, that it would overtake my life and turn me into a monster- ok ok I know, I am being dramatic! 
The penny dropped this morning, the ego is a part of me, and as with everything that is a part of me, acceptance is essential for moving on and making decisions. The challenge with the ego is how I use and perceive it.
There is the positive ego and the negative ego.
As I was sitting there listening I reflected on last Friday where I truly lost my cool because I did not agree at all with what was being said on a panel that I sat on to discuss women's issues. I realised there and then that people are entitled to their differences of opinion, how I react is my responsibility. Differences can teach us respect, it can teach us tolerance and it shows us that we live in a diverse world
My ego told me that my view was right! I wanted to prove to everyone there that I was indeed right. Everyone else was wrong- talk about the Ego trip!

The ego operates in our mind and can take over how we perceive the world, it is important to do an ego check ever so often to remind us that we have power over our thoughts and responses despite what is going on around us, that our judgements are not reflective of the entire story and most times people are doing the best that they can
We can disagree without being disrespectful
We can live our lives and think thoughts that will not diminish our own self value
Instead of using the inner critic to assist in making decisions, use our divine selves
It takes practice, it takes courage, it takes willingness
Peace

Have you read any of Akosua's work?What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love
Nyabo (Madam) - Why Are You Here?Daily Lessons on the Journey - A Journal
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You Determine Your Value

I n this right here moment, I accept and BELIEVE that there is nothing I lack - NO thing I need added unto me to make me complete - and NO thing that is wrong, bad, rotten, unloved, and amiss about me.  God made me and She does NOT make mistakes.  I am perfect! Peter Ripley

You determine what you allow to continue in your life.
You always have a choice for how high you set your bar. 
So, take responsibility for your own life & determine what you allow.

Your value (of yourself) is literally all that matters. It's the one thing that no one gets to decide for you, ever. 
Not ever. No matter how they talk to you. No matter how they pay you. No matter what they think of you. No matter if you’re hired. No matter if you’re fired. If you’re dumped or have a line of suitors. Whether the trolls think you’re ugly & dumb. Or the woman in KFC spoke to you with an attitude. If they think you’re writing is shitty. Or if they all left you out of the big plans. If he thinks you’re too much. If your family is shunning you for forgetting where you came from. If you got the 17th rejection letter. 
So when you do decide your value is higher than Mt Everest (because it is)...It will change everything. You’ll feel so empowered to have all the conversations you need to have. You won’t second-guess asking for more money or flexibility. You won’t think twice about telling him that his lack of communication isn’t good enough for you no matter how much you like him. You won’t wince at speaking your opinion. You’ll be OK with people knowing you’re concerned. Asking for different terms. Or telling someone what you need. Because you value you. You know what you need. You honor what your heart is asking for. When you've determined what's good enough for you, settling won’t be on the table. Ever.

Peace

Have you read any of Akosua's work?What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love
Nyabo (Madam) - Why Are You Here?Daily Lessons on the Journey - A Journal
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What Do You Deserve?

You would not be affected by the other person's attack unless, unconsciously, you thought you deserved it. ACIM

I am learning about projecting (not projecting). 
Projecting in the form of throwing back onto another person what I either love or hate.
It's pretty weird because I always believed that when I stand up for myself after someone attacks me it meant that I was setting boundaries. That I was not letting others walk all over me. What I did learn is when I do feel attacked by someone it can be because I believe some part of the attack is real and that I deserved it. 
How can that be?
How can I believe that I deserve something like that?
Well, the ego can be a pesky little bugger
The ego believes in comparisons and not-enoughness
When you believe that subconsciously or otherwise that someone either does something that you wish you could have done, have something that you wish you had, you compare yourself to that
If the ego is ever present, we compare and get upset and jealous
If the ego is not, we are happy for that person
So when there is an attack we feel the need to defend why, why aren't we doing what we want to do, ought to be doing and in this situation.

Projecting also involves some sort of victim hood, where you make the other person wrong.
That justifies your action because they are wrong and you were wronged.
A Course in Miracles says The way your ego has led you to see things, no matter which path you take, you wind up as the loser. On the one hand, if you forgive by letting the other person off the hook, you feel like a door mat and trash. But if you don't forgive, your anger just saps your energy and you just surrender, while your guilt stays intact in your mind. With true forgiveness, no one loses. You just look at what your ego is doing without judging yourself.

So, the lesson for me is before I project ask whether it is coming from a space of ego, then proceed accordingly
Chances are if its not, no amount of attack by someone else will make you feel justified in you believing that you deserve any of it.
Peace



Have you read any of Akosua's work?What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love
Nyabo (Madam) - Why Are You Here?Daily Lessons on the Journey - A Journal
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Self love is the start of everything!

"unconditional love does not mean allowing people to mistreat you over and over and still holding them down. unconditional love means “i accept the truth of who you are and accept you as you are, as long as that doesn’t infringe on my self love.” Wavy

Self love is the start of everything!

Without the foundation of self love, unconditional love to others will be non-existent.
Self love goes beyond the external, it is a deeply internal process where we accept who we are - all the vulnerabilities, the things you believe are not good or perfect about you. Accepting does not mean you like it, it means that you see it for exactly what it is rather than looking at everything as you believe it ought to be. Once you accept, then you can make decisions from a place of truth. Sometimes making no decision is also a decision. We get anxious about facing the truth believing that we must make decisions immediately.
Self Love involves forgiving ourselves, for all the thoughts, ideas and actions we have used to beat ourselves up. When we beat ourselves up, it then becomes even harder to forgive others.
Self Love involves questioning core beliefs and looking at the ones that no longer serve your highest self. A core belief is a ritual or way of life that you were told, given or inherited from your home, school, religion or culture.
Self Love includes setting boundaries - having a strong No and a strong Yes,and letting others know what you are willing to tolerate. Consequences for actions must be worked into your boundaries- both for you and others.

It is a journey, the foundations however must be put in place or nothing you build will be secure, not your job, your relationships, your health, your life in general
Make a commitment to start the journey to unconditional self love, see what it throws up, I guarantee you that it will not be boring.
Peace

Have you read any of Akosua's work?What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love
Nyabo (Madam) - Why Are You Here?Daily Lessons on the Journey - A Journal
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