Akosua Dardaine Edwards's Blog, page 108

Trust and Initmacy Must Be Earned

Something I have learned in life is that people who have no boundaries are constantly furious. Furious, victimized, hurt, offended, and outraged. If you cannot figure out how to uphold the healthy, accurate, and appropriate distance between yourself and every person in your life (and it will be a different distance for every person in your life) then you will never know a moment of serenity. 

Not everybody gets to have full access to you. 
Trust and intimacy must be earned. (People will help you with this project by constantly showing you who they really are. Create your boundaries accordingly.) 
To do anything else is naive and immature. So: Who are you furious at today? Now look closely at your history with them. Find the moment when you allowed that person to come closer to you than they had earned the right to come.
Now figure out how to reestablish (or establish for the first time) a wiser boundary. 
When they are held the correct distance from you, you will stop hating them. 
Until then, you are just using this person as a weapon to beat yourself up with. 
Put an end to it. 
Stand in your dignity and set your own terms. 
You can do this. Onward - Elizabeth Gilbert


One of my biggest lessons is setting and keeping boundaries, I reckon it plays out when I fall back into the people pleasing affliction that I once had. 
I give everyone an opportunity to be themselves. The trick in this discernment, setting boundaries and following your intuition.
There is something that I have learnt- we can love others from a far, and not everyone must have a front row seat in our lives!

I have been replaying a scenario in my head about someone who I believed was a friend asked me to stay completely away from them because they feel uncomfortable in my prescence!
That shit hurt like a ton of bricks! 
I have learnt that acceptance means honoring others and their own boundaries.
I have also learnt that the Universe makes no mistakes and speaks to us through others
If I am completely honest with myself I would safely say that the best option is really to have some distance given the history of this relationship. 
The messages that we get when we ignore, deny and don't pay attention is hella hard!
Peace

Have you read any of Akosua's work?What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self LoveNyabo (Madam) - Why Are You Here?Daily Lessons on the Journey - A Journal
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Live From The Possibility

The four pillars of Authentic Power: Commitment, Courage, Compassion, and Conscious Communications and Actions Gary ZukavYou must get the capacity to see beyond where you areWe live  in a very mechanistic society that puts us in a fix it mode so we start with the problem, we focus on it then we try to figure out how we can change the problem so all of our attention goes to the problem. You want to get  somewhere?You can’t have all your attention on the problemYou want to get somewhere? You got to have your attention to where you want to goYou can ask the question “How can I stop doubting myself? How can I start my dream/book/businessBut if all your attention is on the fact that you doubt or are still broke you are not going to go anywhereSomething in you must focus on how can I get through this day doing something else?How can I be healthy?How can I be stronger? Look at the problems alone and be stuck in more of itHow are we going to get out of the mess? No! Something somewhere in you has to look at the possibilityWhere is the talk of possibility?Where  is the vision of better, can we live in enoughness, we cant get to enoughness iif your dialougue is an not enoughnessWe have to live from the vision of itPeace

Don't Lie to Yourself

Lying to yourself and other people about what you need,want,like or do is akin to having a bacterial fungus. It spreads quickly into other areas of your life and pollutes your being - One Day My Soul Just Opened Up

The truth will set you free, that is a fact! The truth you tell yourself, more than anything else, more than telling others. What you tell yourself, you become.
You don't have to tell me what is going on in your life, I can see it.
You don't have to tell me if you are eating healthy, I can see it, and I don't mean only in your weight, it can be shown in the glow of your skin, in your health and so on
You don't have to tell me that you are happy - it shows on how you treat people, how you treat yourself, how you speak to people, your relationships with your family, co-workers, your community.
You don't have to tell me if you are stressed - it shows
Life is always giving us clues and guides
When we lie to ourselves, the result does not change.
The truth will set you free.
Tell yourself the truth
And then move from there
Forget what will happen
Pass through the discomfort because on the other side of that is freedom
Peace

Have you read any of Akosua's work?What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self LoveNyabo (Madam) - Why Are You Here?Daily Lessons on the Journey - A Journal
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Letting Go

Be Willing...

Willingness does not make your life easier. What it will do,however, is make it easier for you to move through every experience that you my confront in life. You may grow in mental agility, spititual fortitude and divine stamina - One Day My Soul Just Opened Up

I have been practising being willing. I have been doing the willingness thing! Yes y'all. I have been slaying the resistance!
It works a treat! Let me tell you. I learn, I scream, I laugh, I move on.
When the resistance comes up, I start the self talk - "Ok, you don't have to do anything right now boo, all you have to do at this moment is be willing." I repeat the mantra and watch how the resistance starts to fade and I am now more open to doing a new thing, to setting boundaries, to showing up, to stop people pleasing and acting in fear. Just from the position of being willing!
I have learnt that willingness, trust and courage go hand in hand. I cannot be willing without trusting that things will work out as they ought to. I cannot be willing without having the courage to do something new or different, I cannot be willing and be stuck in the old familiar routine
Be willing to be wring
Be willing to be right
Be willing to move
Be willing to stay
Be willing to speak
Be willing to be still

When you are willing, your entire world shifts

Peace
Have you read any of Akosua's work?What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self LoveNyabo (Madam) - Why Are You Here?Daily Lessons on the Journey - A Journal
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Celebration Reignites Joy

We gonna celebrate and have a good time. It's time to come together It's up to you, what's your pleasure . Kool and the Gang
Do you wait until a specific moment to celebrate? Do you wait until something happens to treat yourself?Do you even celebrate or treat yourself?Celebration is an essential part of the JourneyIt reignites joyIt reignites happinessWithout joy and happiness on the Journey, trust me, it will be difficultThere is absolutely no reason to have any guilt, remorse, feeling bad about celebrating your own fine self, to celebrate your achievements no matter how large or small!Waiting on doing something special for what? as the song says "turn down for what?"
You get to choose how you celebrate, it may look different to othersIt may be a bubble bath, it may be a bubble party! It really is your choice.
Celebration is part of your soul self care.
How are you celebrating receiving this gift of life?
Peace

Have you read any of Akosua's work?What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self LoveNyabo (Madam) - Why Are You Here?Daily Lessons on the Journey - A Journal
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Let Us Continue The Work

We Are Our Ancestors Wildest Dreams 


A friend of mine yesterday was talking about a funeral that she just attended for someone who was 105 years old. She mentioned that she believes that she has so much more to do and wants to get going in doing it after attending and hearing about this person's journey.
That statement made me think. The ones that came before us who paved the path had an unwavering belief that things were going to get better, that their children and grand children would not have to live through any of the horrors and tribulations that they suffered. This unwavering belief has manifested in many ways. I thought about here we are now moaning and complaining about trivial things forgetting the journey that went before us
We moan and cry if there is no air conditioning in a building, or if someone who we know is not a good fit for us leaves us, we cry and moan because we cannot get a handbag or show, or some other material thing we look towards to validate us.
I am not saying that the ones that came before us were perfect, by all means they had their own personal issues and struggles. Let us not be the generation that dropped the ball! We cannot let all their sacrifices go in vain, we absolutely cannot let them down!
Let us make a difference in our own lives, in the lives of others, let us rise up and do the work, stop being lazy and forget our magnificence and our divinity.
Let us continue the work!
Please!
Peace






Have you read any of Akosua's work?What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self LoveNyabo (Madam) - Why Are You Here?Daily Lessons on the Journey - A Journal
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What You Need is In You

What You Need is In You - Iyanla Vanzant

This weekend we celebrated one of the young ladies of the NiNa Programme, she completed and passed her exams against all odds. We took her to lunch with a friend of her choice.
Not many of the ladies at the home study traditional subjects, quite a few of them go on to do the trades on offer such as, sewing, hairdressing, geriatric nursing to name a few. They don't seem to have the mental capacity to study full time based on early assessments of them entering the home.
Someone told me maybe they neded extra lessons in order to pass their exams, I thought about it - how many of us can focus when the world around us seems to be crashing, when we feel abandoned, or stuck?
Even as an adult, when minor stuff happens in my life I get an urge to fly away, shut myself off and hibernate, to find an escape route either through food or some other mind numbing activity.Far less for a teenager who has family "on the outside" but lives in a place with over 50 other young women, what would be their escape?
We wanted to acknowlege her this weekend, to say well done to her, to recognise her mental strength in choosing to want more for herself despite what had happened to her. Sometimes it is the little things that turn into big things.
We came, we ate, we laughed, if only for one day
Peace
Have you read any of Akosua's work?What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self LoveNyabo (Madam) - Why Are You Here?Daily Lessons on the Journey - A Journal
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Thank you Aretha!

No, I don't regret a single moment, no, I don't
(I know you don't) Looking back
When I think of all those disappointments I just laugh (I know you do), I just laugh - Aretha Franklin I knew you were waiting for me

Do you have a playlist?
I have a playlist, I named it positive vibez, I made it at a time when I was deep down in a muck. I felt that having some positive music in my ear out there in Manchester where I started my Phd programme would get through the days!
I must admit, it really raised my vibes tremendously.
I would listen to it to from my walk to school and work, on the train when I took trips up to London,while I was running. Everyday I had these wonderful tunes spurring me on.
When Aretha Franklyn passed, there were many tributes, I was listening to one and boom, I realised there and then quite a few of her tunes were on my positive vibes list.
I thought about Aretha and how much of an impact she had on the world through her voice, her songs, her life. How many of us dim our light to play safe, for fear of what others may think or say, because of outdated beliefs.
I know it would have taken immense courage to live a life of purpose, to live a life out in the open
Aretha reminded me to live on purpose, to live using that gift that God gave me knowing that there will be disappointments and challenges along the way, there will be people falling off the wagon, who cannot see the dream. Keep laughing, keep respecting, keep loving and keep showing up!
Thank you Aretha

You will remember my name!

Peace


Have you read any of Akosua's work?What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self LoveNyabo (Madam) - Why Are You Here?Daily Lessons on the Journey - A Journal
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The Universe Reflects Back at You

It took me a long time to understand that heroic people have flaws too. The bigger the person, the bigger the flaws. Oftentimes, the flaws just get overshadowed by that big character. Soledad Francis

Have you ever had the experience where someone you know just gets on your last nerve? As soon as they open their mouth you get some sort of trigger! You start getting defensive, you might start shutting them down or shutting yourself down mentally only hearing - blah blah blah when they speak
Or maybe you just completely ignore them
It seems as if when this person is around or speaks all your good sense just seems to evaporate and you start acting like....you have no sense!

Well if you have, confessions on the Journey, I have also been doing that over the last few weeks. Here I am, triggered. I roll my eyes, I suck my teeth, I shut down, I shut others down. just a hot mess!
And what was even more startling to me is - I really did not care!

Of course, right on time I woke up yesterday and was doing my usual morning ritual of writing in the journal and reading something - I open the book randomly and there it was

"Every person who triggers and test you is bringing a message to you, so pay attention"
Huh? Universe you really play too much
I let out a loud laugh on the porch
It goes on to say that the Universe uses people as its students and teachers. The Universe will test you teach you and love you throught the being of another person. The next time I am triggered by one of those nerve wracking people I must remember that it is the Universe in my face, how I treat them is a reflection of my belief in the Universe.

Peace

Have you read any of Akosua's work?What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self LoveNyabo (Madam) - Why Are You Here?Daily Lessons on the Journey - A Journal
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