Akosua Dardaine Edwards's Blog, page 107

Day 3 - Nyabo (Madam) - Why Are You Here in Barbados

Is Vibes on top of Vibes- Alone  Aaron Duncan


This morning the schedule included the morning radio show at 9am and the book signing at Pages Bookstore
We decided to take public transport, a mini van. Everyone probably had the same idea!
Every mini van taxi was full.
Okay the next plan was to take the bus
The bus came and it was what we call vibez!
People laughing and talking, school children in uniform, women and men going to work
I had to stand, the bus was so full up
The 20 minute ride took 45mins
An experience in 45mins
On the way back we also took the bus
This one was more vibez
Pumping dancehall
People dancing
People laughing
Oh yea, and the book signing went well too!

Peace

Day 2 - Book Tour Nyabo- Why Are You Here in Barbados

Day 1 Book Tour Nyabo Why Are You Here in Barbados

“Let your joy be in your journey—not in some distant goal.” —Tim Cook
I'm in Barbados, one day in, did my radio interview - confessions on the Journey - it ws not one of my best!
I press on
I had a full day, check the schedule
1. Radio Interview
2. Eat Fish
3. Finish Report
4. Eat Fish
5. Go to Beach
6.Eat Fish

Catch the pattern?

Eat fish in Barbados!

In this Place I Serve

Yes, you are expected to help people when you are able.
Yes, you should share resources, exchange information, support those who need support.
But when will you let go and allow people to figure it out for themselves?
If you keep doing for people what they must learn to do for themselves, they will never learn to do it
This does not honor people.
It does not honor you - One Day My Soul

How do we know when it is time to step away from a situation?
How do we know when to support from close or from afar?
How do we know when we are enabling a situation?

I have learnt we know how to navigate the situation when we have clear boundaries and accept that when or if these boundaries are crossed we can have a conversation about the consequences.
I have learnt that wanting to control everything puts us in a situation of focusing on others rather than focusing on ourselves. You see, to focus on ourselves involves courage and maybe facing some home truths that we prefer to ignore
People have their own journeys, as much as we want what's best for them, sometimes that "best" is mixed up with our own judgement and guilt and failed dreams. Sometimes that "best" is what we think is best for them without taking into consideration their own desires.
We cannot live in other people's lives, then who will live in our's?
We cannot dream other people's dream- who will dream our's
We cannot fix anyone!
We can still say no and give love and support
Life can go on if other people's choices don't mesh with our own
Peace

The Why Are You in Barbados Tour Kicks off tomorrow
Come share lessons on the Journey

Have you read any of Akosua's work?What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self LoveNyabo (Madam) - Why Are You Here?Daily Lessons on the Journey - A Journal
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Take a Full Breath Before You Act...

Here’s a money-saving tip that also happens to be a radical counter-cultural act of defiance: Before you buy the promising under eye concealer, or the jeans (that are just like three other pairs of jeans you got, because they were going to change your life by attracting the perfect life partner), or before you sign the car lease because you’ve been picturing that moment you drive up to your family reunion, and as the glint of the chrome catches your cousins eye, they’ll finally know that you’ve been way smarter than all of them all along), before you pull out the credit card, take a full breath in and out and say to yourself, to YOU: I love you. And then see if you still have to have it Danielle La Porte

It all comes from inside! It cannot all be external, my granma says when a pig is dressed up with mud, it remains a pig
Wayne Dyer also says, when we are sqeezed we get to see what comes out. So if we squeeze an orange, what comes out is orange juice!
So, what happens when you get upset or how do you respond or react when under severe pressure. what does the pressure cooker produce when you are placed in it?

I used to go immediately into fix it mode, withdraw emotionally and move directly into "fixing" it
As if I can fix any darn thing right?
Sometimes the fixing looks like manipulating the situation to ensure that I have my own way, sometimes it would look like talking about how I wronged!
I'm getting better at the rush to "fixing" it, I have been taking the time to go inward, so when I am squeezed and pressured its not all guuk that comes out. Its been a process, I am totally open to filling my inside with yumminess.
That has been happening with patience, meditation acceptance and time!
There is nothing outside of you that can fill you up inside with anything sustainable to move you forward on the journey
All of the external things are aids, they are adornments, they are transient. They will not last
a handbag bought when feeling down or angry serves its purpose- temporarily- it will not fill you up with substance and fuel for the journey
Food - same thing, it will feel good for a while- as it ought to
Take the time to look inside, to pause, to reflect, to take a walk before moving ahead with any urge to fix, control, get mad vex, and to judge
See what happens
Peace

Have you read any of Akosua's work?What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self LoveNyabo (Madam) - Why Are You Here?Daily Lessons on the Journey - A Journal
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Order and Divine Timing

Order means accepting the concept of divine timing even when it conflicts wih your schedule, this requires patience, surrender and trust - Iyanla Vanzant

The concept of Divine Timing took me some time to embrace and accept. I learnt about deadlines, being assertive, going after what I want, making things happen. Not doing any or all of these things I was told that it reflects laziness, sloth and complacency. I was judged by the amount of things that I got done, the faster the better.
Divine timing, I have learnt, is about order,order is the first law of the Universe.
For everything there is a reason and a season.
Divine timing has come to mean that everything happens in the right timing that is required for the lessons and growth and courage!
Order is about understanding that there are some things that cannot happen on our schedule as much as we will it, want it, demand it or force it.
Order and divine timing go hand in hand.
The old adage of "nothing happens before its time" is very much alive and true.

I loved having things done as soon as I wanted it done, I love seeing quick results but I have learnt that divine timing is bigger than I am, it will happen once it is supposed to once I have put in the work, the faith, the self belief, the patience. They all go hand in hand
We cannot rush the sunrise
We cannot rush the moon coming up
Winter, spring summer arrives when it arrives despite how we rush it in our minds
It takes months to birth a baby
And why do we think anything else will not happen in its divine timing and in order?

Peace

Rest is Part of The Journey

We were rewarded for being willing to do more than our share
We were encouraged to stay busy.
As a result, we learned to inflict ourselves with self-imposed duties that ultimately lead to mental, physical and spiritual exhaustion - One Day My Soul Just Opened Up

Growing up, my mother would wake me up extremely early on a Saturday morning, I would be angry because I did not have school. I wanted the opportunity to sleep late, to laze around and get some rest after a packed week.

" No one in this house must be asleep after the sun has risen" was the standard response from her

"Huh?? why??" was my standard response to that response

The conversation never got any further, it was, do as I say or probably die!

Then I heard my grandma say the exact thing
"No one in this house must be asleep after the sun has risen"
Oh, it was adding up, it seemed to have been passed down from her generation.

I would have to wake up and do chores until after lunch... Every Saturday
Waking up late on a Saturday meant being lazy and trifling!
We should always be busy doing something - to do nothing proves laziness and slackness
The goal was to always be occupied
My argument was - when will there be rest
Rest is part of the journey
As soon as I started living on my own, sleeping late one day a week became a ritual, I still don't think that it makes me lazy and trifling.
I have seen as they have both grown older this type of thinking for my mum is now  less than before, she has managed to buy into the idea that pausing, resting and recharging is essential but more importantly, that it is not being lazy if you are not busy doing something
We have been conditioned to prove ourselves by the amount of things we do and tasks we have so much so that it leads to burnout and resentment.
Take time to rest, you wont be a lazy bugger if you do
You will be a rested and recharged soul.
Peace

Strength Looks Like...

Strength also looks like • letting go of what no longer serves you • breaking to rebuild—better • transcending negativity • vibrating higher daily • transparency • alone self-care time • positive intentions • smiling and inner-joy • trusting the process - Lalah Delia

There is a debate about what a strong woman looks like. I love Lalah's definition and would like to now add my own

Strong also looks like

showing upletting gonot taking things personalsetting boundariesenforcing boundarieshaving solitidebeing disciplinedhaving fun despite..
Send me some of your perception of what strong isPeace
Have you read any of Akosua's work?What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self LoveNyabo (Madam) - Why Are You Here?Daily Lessons on the Journey - A Journal
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Reflection is different to Overthinking

We don't always need to jump into what to do and how to feel differently. Sometimes the best solution isn't a solution at all – it's a reflection. It's a investigation into what's actually going on Maxie McCoy


Taking time to reflect has helped me in making decisions, in responding rather than reacting
Reflecting I have learnt is way way way different to overthinking. Reflection involves being open, honest, courageous and asking tough questions.It involves taking responsibility.
Over thinking include making up stories and scenarios, playing them out as if they are real and laced with fear and blame.

In reflection, the questions that you ask yourself are key. Is it a story? Is it true? What is my role and responsibility in this? Am I missing something?

Reflection involves taking some time before a firm decision is made. Fools rush in they say! and that meant for me, foolish actions happen when there is little or no reflection involved

I usually had the tendency to "solve problems right away", it must happen in the moment. there must be no delay! many times that exacerbated the issues because there I never stopped to ask myself pertinent questions
to really look at it from a less cloudy perspective
Confessions on the Journey - I wanted it dealt with right away because I used to fall into the valley of overthinking - so handling it right away caused less anxiety.
I have learnt to  Sit with the feeling - this too shall pass

Peace


Have you read any of Akosua's work?What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self LoveNyabo (Madam) - Why Are You Here?Daily Lessons on the Journey - A Journal
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Trust and Initmacy Must Be Earned

Something I have learned in life is that people who have no boundaries are constantly furious. Furious, victimized, hurt, offended, and outraged. If you cannot figure out how to uphold the healthy, accurate, and appropriate distance between yourself and every person in your life (and it will be a different distance for every person in your life) then you will never know a moment of serenity. 

Not everybody gets to have full access to you. 
Trust and intimacy must be earned. (People will help you with this project by constantly showing you who they really are. Create your boundaries accordingly.) 
To do anything else is naive and immature. So: Who are you furious at today? Now look closely at your history with them. Find the moment when you allowed that person to come closer to you than they had earned the right to come.
Now figure out how to reestablish (or establish for the first time) a wiser boundary. 
When they are held the correct distance from you, you will stop hating them. 
Until then, you are just using this person as a weapon to beat yourself up with. 
Put an end to it. 
Stand in your dignity and set your own terms. 
You can do this. Onward - Elizabeth Gilbert


One of my biggest lessons is setting and keeping boundaries, I reckon it plays out when I fall back into the people pleasing affliction that I once had. 
I give everyone an opportunity to be themselves. The trick in this discernment, setting boundaries and following your intuition.
There is something that I have learnt- we can love others from a far, and not everyone must have a front row seat in our lives!

I have been replaying a scenario in my head about someone who I believed was a friend asked me to stay completely away from them because they feel uncomfortable in my prescence!
That shit hurt like a ton of bricks! 
I have learnt that acceptance means honoring others and their own boundaries.
I have also learnt that the Universe makes no mistakes and speaks to us through others
If I am completely honest with myself I would safely say that the best option is really to have some distance given the history of this relationship. 
The messages that we get when we ignore, deny and don't pay attention is hella hard!
Peace

Have you read any of Akosua's work?What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self LoveNyabo (Madam) - Why Are You Here?Daily Lessons on the Journey - A Journal
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