Bart King's Blog, page 145
June 27, 2013
June 26, 2013
Bad Russian Literary Humor!
Q. What do you call the President of Russia when he steps on
a cracker?
A. Putin on the Ritz.
(And yes, that’s just one copy of War and Peace!)
The Chukchi live in the boondocks of Russia, so they get
picked on in ethnic jokes … like the one about the Chukcha applying for
membership in the Russian Writers Guild.
During his interview, the Chukcha is asked what Russian
literature he’s familiar with.
"Have you read Pushkin?"
"No."
"Have you read Dostoevsky?"
"No."
"Can you read at all?"
Offended, he replies, "Chukcha not reader, Chukcha
writer!"
*rimshot*
June 25, 2013
June 23, 2013
June 21, 2013
June 20, 2013
Author questions are the best!
A reader emailed me this question:
"I would really like to know what you would do if you
found a crash-landed UFO outside somewhere and an alien inside of it that had
survived."
My answer:
In a bizarre coincidence, I was just engaged in a high-level
experiment designed to test what I would do if a UFO crashed somewhere and an
alien were found inside. Weird!
So first, I had a UFO with an alien inside crash near my
home. (This proved easy to arrange.) Carefully, I approached the space vehicle.
It sort of looked like a giant dog food can with a cupcake on top. I opened
what appeared to be a door and looked in.
I saw movement!
Gently, I threw in an object that was guaranteed to prove
that I meant no harm and that intelligent life exists on our planet. Then I
backed away from the door.
From inside the ship, I heard strange warblings. At first,
they sounded friendly and curious, but then the alien seemed to begin
screaming. Suddenly, an item flew out of the spacecraft door, the door slammed
shut, and the entire UFO lurched into the sky and flew off!
What could have frightened them away? Looking down at my
feet, I was startled to see that the item I had given them had been chucked
right back: A signed copy of "The Pocket Guide to Mischief."
Rats.
