Roxy Mews's Blog, page 15

I took a quiz to tell me what coffee I need

I was in the mood to do something frivolous this morning. I spent the whole day yesterday cleaning the house, doing dishes, and conquering the piles of laundry. After the second scrubbed toilet, I need a palette cleanser. 

So I thought I'd take a buzzfeed quiz this morning. I found the perfect one to take while sipping on my own coffee. I'm drinking some Seattle's Best Very Vanilla, if you were curious. 

But this quiz promises to tell me what I should drink based on my morning routine! Perfect. Let's do this. You can take the quiz with me by clicking HERE.

QUESTION 1
What time do you get up?

Well...I get up at 5am, but that's not an option, so this already is not going to work. How will I ever know what coffee is best for me now? I'm picking the earliest option which is 6am.

QUESTION 2
How many times do you hit the snooze button?

I tend to get up and get moving when my alarm goes off, but with my recent bouts with late nights thanks to hubby's schedule, I have hit the snooze a few times. So I'm going with "Depends on how tired I am."

QUESTION 3
How long is your shower?

What is this shower you speak of? I think you spelled dry shampoo and spray deodorant wrong. I'm a girl with a lot of brightly colored hair. So when I have to shower it's an event. We're going with the 10-20 minute option.

QUESTION 4
How often do you make your bed?

People still do that after they move out of their parents' house? That's a great big never from me.

QUESTION 5
Which activity would you never skip in the morning?

This is a quiz about coffee. Why is coffee not an option here?!?! Okay, if I'm honest, it's got to be checking up on my phone.

QUESTION 6
What do you grab on your way out the door?

Again...why is coffee cup not an option here? I never leave without my kindle, so I'll check the book option.

QUESTION 7
How do you get to work?

Where is the option of stumbling into your office in your PJ's? This quiz is going to be totally wrong. But for my Evil Day Job, I do drive. So the car option it is.

QUESTION 8
What do you listen to on the way to work?

I listen to audio books...again, not an option. But I have listened to podcasts on occasion, and music if I'm in the plotting mode for a book. We'll go with podcast over music, because I think it's closer to audio books.


Okay, quiz. What coffee should I drink? I do put milk in my coffee, and I do have a pumpkin spice once or twice a year, but not from McDonald's. Micky Dees tends to flavor and milk their coffee too much for my tastes. If I get coffee from them, it tends to be straight coffee with one cream and two sugars because they have a bitter bite. But with it being hot as hell out, I've been digging their frozen cold brew. I can taste the coffee in that one too.

Did you take the quiz? Were you able to match up to the answers? And if so, what coffee did you get?


​~Roxy

My Top 5 fear fighters

I've been talking a lot about fear lately. With pretty much anyone who will listen to me whine. 

I need to buy a lot of edible arrangements and send them to a lot of people. 

But I've been working on improving myself and part of improving is finding out where you're starting from. Which kinda sucks when you're as much of a scaredy cat as me.

Fear is a seriously paralyzing influence, so I thought I'd share the top 5 things I use to combat it.

1. Call that bitch out by name.

For a while I was even scared to say I was scared. Fear is kind of like Voldemort. The more you call it "The emotion that will not be named" instead of simply saying "I'm afraid", the longer you're going to be stuck there. 

I finally had to admit, when people asked me what was stopping me, that it was fear. And once I admitted where I was stuck, it was time to get my ass working my way out of it. 

Name your fear. Call it out. Then figure out where to stab the first of Fear's Horcruxes. 


2. Rewrite your truth

Journaling might not be for everyone, but it's been huge in me getting back out into the world. I write down everything I'm thinking. If I end up in a dark place, I take the time to take apart each sentence. I rewrite the bad. For every unrealistic tangent my brain takes me down, I put down reality, and then I turn it into something positive.

"I'm a failure."

Becomes...

"I've made mistakes."

Becomes...

"I know what not to do next time."

Which molds into... 

"I've got a brilliant plan to start moving forward on."


3. Meditate

Yes. I'm going to tell you to do it too. Yes. I'm going to repeat what all those self-help books have told you. Yes. You should do it daily.
I have a blog post on my favorites you can check out by clicking this sentence.


4. Take a baby step

I don't care if your step is sending an email, researching, or writing 500 words. Whatever project you're working on, taking even the smallest step forward can help build momentum. Fear tries to stop you from making any progress, so the biggest way to bitchslap fear is to do something to prove you haven't been beaten.


5. Bargain with or flat out bribe yourself

I literally talk myself into doing things some days. If you wander past my house, even when I'm all alone, you can hear me chatting myself up and telling myself what I'll get to do if I finish my tasks finished. From plotting books to cleaning the litterbox, I negotiate with my brain like it's a tantrum prone 5-year-old.

"If you get this plot finished, you can go to the craft store. Won't that be fun?"

"All you have to do is edit ten more pages, and then you can head to the coffee shop. You know how good it smells in there, don't you?"

Yes. When fear has it's claws in me, I need to talk to myself like a child. And I commonly use phrases like "All you have to do" and "Just finish up this one little thing" because if I downplay the task, it's easier to talk myself into starting. Which, when fear is involved, is often the hardest part.


Those are my top 5 fear fighters. And now I'd love to hear yours. Tell me in the comments below or drop me a line on Facebook or Twitter. I'd love to arm myself with even more ways to battle against fear. Fear sucks.

~Roxy

I'm Going Back to Re-read my first book...

A long time ago in a world far far away, there were small book publishers kicking much ass.

Their names were Ellora's Cave and Samhain Publishing. I read many many books published by these companies and I adored the authors who wrote for them. 

Then one day I wrote a book. I promptly threw that book in the trash because that's where garbage belongs, but then I wrote more books, until I wrote one that I was willing to show people. This book was the start of a trilogy. Because I grew up in the 90's and I loved PNR trilogies. L.J. Smith was my girl. #teamdamon

I wanted to be a writer, so when a writer I admired agreed to read my book, I sent it off. Then she gave me a chance to send it to her editor. Her editor at...SAMHAIN PUBLISHING.

Oh, man. I loved that company. I loved their marketing. I loved shopping their website. 

They published my book.

This October will be my 5th year as an author because Samhain Publishing published my book. Yup. That book, right up there with the kickass model staring you down. 

But now...Samhain is closed and the book is just a file on my computer. 

And the fact that the book that made me a published author, that is the theme of my website, that earned me PAN status in RWA, is stuck on my computer...well it just plain sucks.

I've been working toward doing things that make me nervous. I've self-published a few of my titles that I thought might be too outside the box to find homes with other publishing houses. I've been working hard on a secret project. (No I'm not telling you about it. It's secret because I'm still in the fucking it all up phase.) And I've been getting more involved with my local Romance Writers of America chapter. Which is big for me, because I have to put on real pants and leave the house. You're super impressed, right?

The thing I haven't done that scares me the most, is re-read this first book. 

If you've never written a book before, let me let you in on a secret. You improve your craft with each book. You get a little better at story telling. You remember to turn on track changes for your poor editor. (Still sorry about that, Lisa!) 

All this means, I'm scared I'm not going to have the same love for my first baby. I'm scared I'm going to hate the book that made me an author. 

But I've learned a lot about myself in these past couple of years. And I've learned how knowing where you stand is the first step in moving forward. I adore my Hart Clan Hybrids. I've even refused to take them off this website because I love them so much. I think it's time Amber made her way back into the world.

I've been reading books by my favorite authors. I think it's time to re-read my own.

What are you doing today that scares you?

​~Roxy

Tiny Houses and Forced Proximity

I became obsessed with Tiny Houses a few years ago. And if I had the funds and the spare time, you bet your sweet ass there would be a tiny office in my back yard totally run off solar power and propane. Call it a she-shack, call it a tiny office, call it crazy...I want one.

But what really struck me while I was doing all the research about these small self-sufficient structures, was that they were the ultimate place for a forced proximity trope. I started following blogs about couples, and even families living full-time and traveling across the country in tiny houses. I was fascinated that people would be forced to spend that much time together. And I was damn impressed they stayed together with that much closeness. 

This video from Phillip Defranco's YouTube channel today, brought me back to the time I was neck-deep in the research. And it's a great watch if you're not familiar with the Tiny House movement.
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What keeps drawing me back to tiny houses are the relationships people have to form or nurture while involved in this lifestyle. Between the builders, the communities that have been forming where the residents share resources or common areas, and even just being extremely close with the people you are sharing your personal space with...there's a lot of compromise and negotiations that have to occur. 

Basically, tiny houses are the perfect place for a close proximity trope in romance. That's what spurred the idea for my book, Love Shack. As interested as I was in unique staircase designs and multi-purpose furniture, I was even more enthralled with how a tiny living space would impact a relationship.

Keep reading for a short excerpt of how I utilized my tiny house environment to force a reluctant couple together.  Love Shack 

Living tiny doesn't leave many places to hide...
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The banker was staring at her. It must have still been really hot because she certainly wasn’t able to cool down.

She made a mental note to open the vent windows and run the air conditioner to let the hot air seep out of her house.

“Were you in on this?” The poor man was sweating through his button down.

​Felicity pulled him into the shade and turned him around. His face was red, and he was overheating in the summer sun. Giving up the remaining cold from the bottle, she placed the cool plastic against the back of his neck before he could turn around again.

“Just because I would sell my soul to have you keep doing that doesn’t mean I don’t want an answer.” But like he told her, he was enjoying the cool down too much to turn around so he left her to try and figure out what he was talking about as he rolled his head side to side. The water dripped and mingled against his collar with the smattering of perspiration.

Felicity licked her lips at the thought of drinking the cool water from him as his blood pumped hard beneath the skin on his neck.

“Oh.” She pulled the bottle back, suddenly very aware that her hands where resting on strong shoulders. She sucked in a breath as her gaze traveled down a trim waist just above angular hips that looked great in dark navy fabric.

“Oh?”

While she was still breathless at her discovery of his physical beauty he turned and the water bottle bounced against his shoulder. Felicity’s hands bopped the bottle up in the air a few times and she struggled to try and catch it. Brandon Halston tried for the grab too.
Their hands smacked against each other, and the bottle fell to the ground. Luckily, it didn’t pop, because Felicity was pretty darn sure she needed water in order to block herself from speaking and sounding like a goober.

They both bent down at the same time and Felicity realized she wasn’t the only one with a hard head.

“Ow.” Brandon grabbed her arms and backed her up to a bench under the tree they were stealing shade from.

Felicity plopped down as he rubbed his head and retrieved the bottle.

“Do they have more of these?” he asked as he brushed the mulch off.

“They probably do, but the assistant went back inside.” Felicity reached for the bottle, but frowned as the banker who was becoming a pain in her ass as well as her skull opened the lid and swallowed half the bottle before handing it over.

He shrugged at her expression. “If we are going to be living close together, sharing is going to be important, right?”

Felicity grabbed the bottle and pulled it against her chest. “You can’t be serious.”

Brandon pointed to the flurry of activity around a laptop on the back of the news van. “Their website has been exploding ever since your human interest piece aired. Guess what? They all think us battling it out in shacks is a great freaking idea.”

“Tiny houses.”

“So, I suggest you start building, because it looks like this is going to happen.”

Deborah rushed over to the shade tree and began pulling on her blazer. “We need another spot. This is huge. And I’ve got the whole story. Do you have any idea how much coverage you are both going to get with this?”

“I doubt any of this would be beneficial to the bank. Watching their manager live with a hippie can’t be good for their confidence in my managing their money.”

Deborah raised her hand as if she was thinking of smacking Brandon. She cracked her knuckles instead.

“They want the people they place their money with to seem human, not above them in social status. For fuck’s sake, how do you know so little about the human race?”

Felicity smiled as Brandon frowned.

Deborah poured water on her hands. With a flick of her wrist, she smoothed her hair. “Besides, just having your bank’s name on this, possibly as a sponsor,” she hinted, none too subtly, “would increase brand recognition. And living with this cutie in a tight space would be a hell of a reality show, if either of you wanted to go that route.”

Felicity lost her smile. “He doesn’t have to live with me. I think it would be better for him to get the sense of freedom if he went into his own building. Then I could showcase some of the new designs I’m working on. I’ve got this great idea for a bump-out dormer that hangs over the hitch—“

Deborah waved her off. “Do you have anything other than your own home built now?”

“Well, no…but…”

“Then it’s a moot point. This is a hot idea now. Not months from now when you build a new structure. Do you want this to get attention?”

Felicity nodded.

Deborah turned to Brandon. “Do you want your bank to benefit from the exposure, brand recognition, and new way of marketing to your customers?”

Brandon frowned as he nodded.

Deborah put away her compact and buttoned her blazer before she slapped him on the shoulder. “Then pack a bag, sport. You’re moving in.”

What about you? Do you love a forced proximity trope? Or are you enthralled by tiny houses like me? Even if you'd never be able to live in one full time?

Tell me all about it. I'd love to get some ideas for the next book in this series.

~Roxy

Sleepy Gal Hacks

Since I've been bitching and moaning about it for days now, you all know that hubby's work has required me to be flexible with my sleep schedule. My body is not enjoying this experience.

So I thought instead of whining about it some more, I'd give you some of my wake the fuck up hacks.

Top 5 ways to wake the fuck up...

1. Brush my teeth...again.

For some reason the act of brushing my teeth wakes me up, or at least gives me more pause before wanting to crawl back under the covers. And when I'm sleepy, I tend to talk less, and I get that funky "nap mouth" feeling. So I brush my teeth at least three times during the day when I'm tired. 

2. Music instead of audio books.

Don't get me wrong, I love me some audio books, but when I'm super tired, I'm going to miss a lot of the story. Not to mention that voice actors for audio books tend to have exceptionally smooth and soothing voices. I don't need any of that when I'm tired. Hit me up with some pop punk and a little hair band when I'm tired. The audio books have to wait.

3. Cold food instead of hot.

This includes coffee. If I am beat, even a hot cup of coffee is super soothing. So I try to eat and drink things that are cooler. It might just be me, but warm food makes me think of cozying up by a fire wrapped in a blanket with a comfy pair of slippers on...and I just yawned typing that out. I add ice to every beverage on super sleepy days.

4. Extra water.

I have been trying to drink more water anyway in my daily life, but it's especially important when I'm tired. I also tend to try and flush every cell in my body with caffeine after a forced sleep deprived night. Drinking extra water stops me from guzzling three large coffees every hour. If I'm feeling extra fancy, and with it enough to use a knife, I add in some slices of lemon to said water. Someone somewhere told me lemon water helps wake you up. I couldn't tell you if it's placebo or not, but it works for me.

5. Avoid cuddling with pets.

Our furbabies are adorable, but I swear, a purring cat on your lap is akin to chasing a sleeping pill with a glass of wine. I try to stay in chairs where my legs are at undesirable cat levels. My cat has been following me around all day and meowing because he's mad I'm not chilling out in his fav spots. The caterwauling also helps keep me awake.


Those are the top 5 things I use to keep going. Honorable mentions go to chewing minty gum, and showering. What do you do when you're tired, but don't have the ability to sleep in? I'd love to mix up my techniques. 

~Roxy

When the routine...isn't #Roxys7DayChallenge : Update

I just wanted to chat today about what happens when life throws a wrench in your schedule and results in drowning in big pool of suck. 

Hubby's delayed flight, a bunch of family back to school prep, and some back to school germs derailed me. Add in some seriously hard days at work and I have been wandering around my house like a zombie.



​Needless to say my ambitious morning routine was cut back to my bare basics...

1. Morning Pages
2. Meditation
3. Blog

Then I got sick from too much caffeine I consumed while trying to keep going. I completely fell off the wagon yesterday. I knew I had a long day ahead, and I gave up on the morning routine stuff, because I couldn't fathom keeping up. Like the self-fulfilling prophecy it was, I didn't keep up. My brain was stuck on the "Can't" and I convinced myself there was no hope.

I woke up this morning with no clean bowls or spoons in the house, and an empty planner page for the week. 

Not gonna lie. I had a few hours today of talking myself out of everything. If you've never experienced the slow downward spiral into the very definition of self-doubt and imposter syndrome, let me indulge you. This was the train of thoughts that began worming their way into my brain space.

I'm so tired.

I can't possibly do all these things today. 

I knew I couldn't maintain my schedule.

I never keep up on what I say I'm going to do.

I'm a complete fraud. 

No one really wants to listen to what I have to say.

I should throw in the towel on this whole writing gig.

Why are these telemarketers even calling me? Don't they know I have no money?

Of course I have no money. Who needs books about robots having sex? People are freaked out by this. It was a stupid idea. 

I should delete that book file I've been shopping around. No one wants it. 

No one wants me around either. I should just go back to bed. 

I should have washed my sheets yesterday. I'm so gross.

I should take a shower. But I'm going to have to clean up this insanely gross house. Why bother?

It's already afternoon and I haven't even bothered to make myself lunch. 

My calendar is so far behind I might as well throw it out. 

I suck.


It's kind of hard to read. But it's harder to stop the hate spewing in an endless loop once it burrows inside your skull and starts to fester. I bet some of you are nodding your head, or even saying things like, "Yeah, but when I talk about myself like that, I'm right." Caught ya. Because I do the same things when I stumble across people talking about their own self-doubt.

Here's the one thing I've learned over the years. I'm going to screw up. I'm going to take a day and wallow every once in a while. I'm going to fall off the wagon and skin my knees on the way down.

But I also know I can climb back out of that funk again.

I got my dishes done today. I'm on load three of the laundry. And I'm writing this blog. I'm turning my "Morning Pages" into "Afternoon Pages" for the day, and then I'm going to use a guided mediation, because my brain obviously can't be left to its own devices right now.

If you're talking down to yourself like I did yesterday and this morning, I want you to know you're not alone. I blame my guilty brain train on all that Catholic school I suffered through while growing up. LOL. But wherever it really comes from, the fact is, there are bad days, but those bad days make way for the good ones right around the corner. 

Some days, my "Good Day" is writing five thousand words on a project, or rocking out some brilliant edits, or even planning a fantastic project for the house. Other days, "Good" means I made food and put on real clothes. Being an adult is fucking hard, and sometimes we need to cut ourselves some slack.

Are you rocking your schedule from my 7 day challenge? Or did you fall off the wagon too? If you're down here in the dirt, I hope you know we can totally make it out of this. And until we make it to the shower, there's always dry shampoo to get us by.

~Roxy

I had to stay up late...it was awful

Did you notice I didn't blog yesterday? Well...it was all my hubby's fault.

Hubby had a late flight coming back home from a work trip. My normal wake up time is 5am. So my normal bed time is 10pm. Hubby's flight was scheduled to get in at 11:35pm.

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via GIPHY

Well, I'm a planner! I got this. I scheduled myself a nap and bought three energy drinks to help me keep going. I spaced them out to get the crash around 1am. That way I could have enough time to drive on the energy high. I packed an extra one with me just in case my body rebelled against the late bedtime.

Just as I had finished my second energy drink, I get the text no one wants when they are responsible for picking someone up from the airport.

"Flight is delayed."

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New time was 12:30 am. Not great, but I could get through it. Getting home at 1am wasn't ideal, but it wasn't the worst. Then the airline moved gates. Twice. There were no updates, and no info from the airline, so I was refreshing the websites loaded on my computer and texting updates to hubby while he was stuck in Texas. Where, apparently, everything is bigger, including airports. Because he had to take trams to get to the different gates he kept bouncing between. 

Then about fifteen minutes before he was supposed to board, they moved the time again. New arrival? 3:36am!

via GIPHY

At this point in the evening it is the time I have trained my body to go to bed. But I'm also two energy drinks and a nap in, so my ability to actually fall asleep is completely out the window. 

Hubby said there is now a reported hydraulic fluid leak, so the plain is grounded. Okay. Better to not get on that plane. I approve. 

But that they also have no pilots because the ones who were supposed to fly them home had their shifts end. Of course they did.

Hubby was now at the airport, with no flight, no plane, no pilots, and I'm still awake because I have no idea when or if he's coming home. 

Did I mention I have to be up by 9am at the latest the next day? Yup.

The airline promised updates every 15 minutes. But didn't end up giving a single one.

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The latest update we found online, because the people at the airport had no clue what was going on, said new arrival was 2:30am. Okay. I knew I needed some sleep. The flight itself was two hours, so worst case scenario, hubby was going to call me and wake me up if they got on the plane earlier.

I have to admit, the next few hours were fuzzy. Looking back on the texts, hubby moved gates again, was told a few different times, and complained while I snagged 15-30 minute naps.

​Finally, he texted me that he was on a plane!

via GIPHY

Then the plane had to refuel and sat on the runway for an hour AFTER they boarded.

via GIPHY

In the end, I didn't get my hubby hug until 3:32am. And we didn't roll into the house until after 4am. 

So I spent all of yesterday OD'd on caffeine and feeling like shit. I had to run errands, I had to be dressed in real pants, and I did it all feeling drunk because I was so damn tired. 

via GIPHY

Moral of this story time...don't ask me to stay up late and expect any level of productivity the next day. 

I'm apparently way too old for that all-nighter shit.

Bonus moral...don't fly American Airlines during shift change. LOL.

We ended up having a 4 hour delay. What was your longest delay? Did they make you sprint to different gates too? Or better yet, tell me what airline has never let you down? Who should hubby fly with next time?

~Roxy

Facebook's Pages Feed

Have you noticed your Facebook feed looks different? I have to admit. It didn't hit my mental radar, but I did notice that I had to go hunting to find some of my friends' posts to share. I figured FB had switched up their format. They do it so often, I didn't think much of it.

Turns out they made major changes. 

You know all those pages you like to find out information about your favorite restaurants, bars, shops, and (ahem) authors? Welp. Now you are going to have to go digging for them, even if you interact with those pages on the regular. Check out this screenshot of my Facebook sidebar.

See that little newspaper icon 7th from the top?You know, the one below the "more" you have to hit to find it in the drop down menu? That teeny tiny button all the way down there, is what you have to press to see any of the pages' information that you've liked.

Not only that, but according to some sources I've seen shared in various groups I'm in, if you are posting anything with a link attached, you should be prepared to have that post suppressed, or even deleted as spam.

I have still seen linked stories pop up in my feed, but when I go to the "Pages Feed", I see a lot more from my Facebook friends that I didn't get pushed through before. And these are friends that I interact with regularly. So what does this mean? At this point, who knows. Facebook switches things up so often and is so flippant on what they approve for an ad or a post that it's hard saying how long this will stick or when it will change again. I personally like the option to follow instead of friend requesting. And some of the authors I'm friends with have full friends lists and the only way I can interact with them is through their pages.

But according to the new rules for this update, authors can't share links or promote our business on our personal pages. Which means you're going to get a lot of posts from authors that you know reminding you to like their pages.

I'm torn. How about you? Will you be checking your own "Pages Feed"? Or will you only interact with your friends from now on? Let me know. Because I'm curious if I should bother with the Author Page at all. 

~Roxy

Questions to Ask your Critique Partner

Finding the perfect critique partner is damn close to finding a leprechaun. They're magical, can help you find riches, but they are elusive, and if you blink they might be gone, because life happens, and this business is nothing if not fluid.

I have said it before, and it bears repeating, that finding a critique partner is like the most awkward blind date ever. It's kind of like having a tinder profile with a picture of your dog as the profile pic. It sounds good, and looks appealing, but really, you never know what you're going to get when you swipe right.


So in order to help you find the best match possible, here are a few questions to ask before you hook up with a critique partner.

1. What is your production schedule like?

If you are a 1-2 book a year writer, don't hook up with a 3-4 book a year writer. They are going to ask a lot more from you than you are of them, and having that inequality will start to rub. Even if you don't think it will. Try to find someone who works at the same speed as you do. If you can eventually sync your publishing times, you'll be able to swap around the same point, and encourage each other through the various stages of production. Obviously this is in the perfect world that doesn't exist, and everyone has shit thrown at them, but if you're on the same basic schedule, having someone moving forward when you stall, will give you all the more reason to catch up and hop back on the keyboard.

2. How honest do you want me to be?

Here's the kicker. At first, everyone says "Be completely honest." But some people don't understand what they're asking for. Jokes and smartass comments make me giggle through the pain of edits, but let's be real, it's hard to tell if someone is joking when you're 59 pages deep and super raw from all the red marks.

When you're talking to a potential critique partner, talk about what you're looking for. Do you need the positive notes through a manuscript, or do you enjoy when they make it bleed so you can fix everything the first round?

I think this will have to do with how new the writer is as well, and if they've been through professional edits or not. Which leads me to my next question...

3. What are your publishing goals/plans?

Self-publishing and Traditional publishing are two different branches off the same tree, but take you in completely different directions. If you are looking to work with a traditional publisher, having someone else chasing that path means they will be more willing to help with pitches, queries, and synopsis writing. If your critique partner is fully self-pub and wants nothing to do with the query process, they're not going to be much help, and you'll be asking for assistance on something you'll never be able to reciprocate for. Most authors I know are either hybrid (traditional and self pub), or totally self-published. If you're a new writer and not sure where your career is headed yet, realize you're probably going to part ways at least once or twice with people. Most authors don't get offended when a relationship doesn't work out. We move on. 

4. Where are you at in your career?

Here's the thing, folks. If you are not published, have never been published, or have never been published in the genre you are looking to write in, you are not going to hook up with a New York Times bestselling author. You're just not. Not only do those higher tier writers have their teams solidly in place, but they are busy. So don't ask them to read your book. You're only putting them in a supremely awkward position. If you're friends with a best seller, and they offer with absolutely no prompting from you, take them up on it, of course. But don't put people in the position to be the bad guy.

Find someone who is close to you on the climb up, and help each other grow together. Never been published? Hook up with another pre-published author. Self-published, but looking to query editors and agents? Find someone to share submission requests with and help each other out. 

5. What is your turnaround time?

This is one I didn't think to ask before I started, and I probably pissed some people off. If you're a single mom, and a CP wants you to read their book during back to school season, be honest and let them know it's going to take you a month to get that novella back to them. If you're a single pringle and have hours to devote to the read throughs each day, and you can turn a book around in a week, find someone else who has the same availability. 

Or at least, be upfront about expectations, and realistic time frames. Having a critique partner should make your writing life easier, not stress you out. If you work slowly, find someone else who has the same pace. If you expect fast read throughs and fast results, be upfront about it. 

When I have a specific timeline I'm looking for, I send out feelers. "If I sent you a 50 page excerpt and synopsis, could you review it with line-edit detail and have it back to me in 3 weeks?" I'm specific about the length, the type of detail I'm looking for, and a timeline I'm hoping to get the feedback within. And the people I work with are just as specific. "Can you look over this blurb and have it back to me by morning?"

Make sure that if anything in your life changes, and you're going to have to change your schedule or availability, you let your CP know. Be honest, be upfront, and be ready to follow through.

6. What type of content is off limits for you?

This is important for me. I work in the romance genre, and there are lots of hard and fast opinions about every aspect of Romancelandia. Some authors write softer romance, where everything fades to black, or sex isn't even mentioned. Some write hard erotic fantasy with detailed sex scenes that might push the limits of some people's comfort zones. 

Heck. I know some writers who just have a fear of dogs, or certain bodily functions, or even specific words. Knowing what your partner's hard limits are, will tell you right away if they will fit with your style.

I tell people, "I write dialogue-heavy, fast-paced stories with explicit sex. My characters are smartasses with language that would make a sailor blush. While there is violence, it's not as detailed and usually mild when on page." So they know that while my books are hot with foul language, I tend not to have a lot of blood and gore. Unless vampires are involved, and then it's usually sexy blood. 

If you find someone who you get along with well, but they write Amish romance and you write hard core BDSM, it's most likely not going to work out.  And finding someone who writes in the same corner of the romance world as you, means you'll have some wonderful options to cross promote later on.

7. What time zone do you live in, and what time of day do you usually work?

If you're working with someone halfway across the world, but you're a night owl, and they're an early bird, you may be online at the same time.Your time or schedule difference might also mean you'll never be able to sync up and chat beyond email. I have found that I need someone who is online regularly. That way they can poke at me, and I can poke at them. 

Know when and where your CP is. And if you're talking deadlines when you need a certain project back by, you need to specify if it's in your timezone or theirs.



I usually go for a top 5 in posts like this, but I think these are all things to be upfront about when signing on with a new critique partner. So you get all of my ramblings today. 

Do you have a critique partner? Is there anything you'd add to the list above? Tell me in the comments below.

​~Roxy

I have to buy real pants today

Like most authors I know, I hate real pants. I flourish in those days where pajamas are my all day clothes. To the point where it's problematic if I have to deal with the outside world. Although my "give a fuck" levels have greatly decreased, even I have to admit my fluffy owl pants are probably not the best thing to go grab coffee in.

Also like most authors I know, I have an evil day job. And they actually require me to wear pants. It's borderline abusive.

Because I am a thick-thighed beauty...thanks a lot german ancestors...the chub rub busts through the thighs of my pants at alarming rates. Especially when my evil day job keeps the temps in the mid to high seventies.

I wore through my last standing pair of work pants a few days ago, and band-aids on the thighs can only hold you for so long when you're climbing up and down a ladder. Not to mention the fact that taking those things off HURTS.

It's my day off today and I've had to admit it's time to do something I hate as much as wearing real pants...shopping for them.

via GIPHY

I know a lot of women that love to shop, but I'm not one of them. Unless you count stationary or electronics. Set me loose in a store with a hefty planner section, and I could spend hours, but I don't like shopping for clothes. Maybe it's because I worked in a clothing store as a teen and it beat the happy shopping vibes out of me, I don't know. But I'd rather go for a root canal than try and find a pair of pants that fit.

Not to mention that I apparently carry my weight differently than the majority of the population, because I have to try on dozens of pants to not have that fun little gap in the back over my butt. 

I'm already thinking about grabbing a margarita after this is done. 

Is there an aspect of self-care or basic adulting that you dread doing? I also have to clean the litterbox today, so my Wednesday is really on the road to fabulousity. 

Send me some motivation, internet buddies. I'm going to need it.

​~Roxy