Ina Disguise's Blog: New blog, page 44

The Spineless Sadist

The Spineless Sadist

Not all sadists are intrinsically dominant, cruel, and vicious like the tyrannical and enforcing subtypes. Some are deeply insecure, even cowardly. Spineless sadists are a combination of the avoidant and sadistic personalities; their private world is peopled by aggressive and powerful enemies. Attack can only be forestalled by creating an image of strength, a sense of mutual ensured destruction. For spineless sadists, aggressive hostility is a counterphobic act, designed to master their own inner fearfulness, while sending a message of strength to the public that they will not be intimidated. Displays of courage serve to divert and impress the audience with a façade of potency that says, “I will not be pushed around.” Neither naturally mean-spirited nor intrinsically violent, the spineless sadist caricatures the swaggering tough-guy or petty tyrant. Having been repeatedly subject to physical brutality and intimidation, these individuals have learned to employ aggression instrumentally against others who seem threatening and abusive. Fearful of real danger, they strike first, hoping to induce a measure of fearfulness that forestalls further antagonisms. Many spineless sadists join groups that search for a shared scapegoat, a people or ethnic population set aside by the majority culture as a receptacle for hate and prejudice.

ALPFmedical on the sadistic personality

 

This is where your endless investigation of the world comes in handy.  If someone is trying to frighten you for no apparent reason, you have tools to deal with it.

Then you can get on with the rest of your life, rather than blaming yourself for shit that isn’t your fault.  He is also married, by the way.  Rather her than me. He just destroyed my prospects because he is married and a practised liar, by all accounts.

Sick Freak

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Job Statistics so far for Scotland

We are on the three weeks since the swan crapped on me again.

Wage rates are in decline since I last had to bother doing any of this, which was approximately a decade ago.

eg.

Meter reading – a very difficult job which involves being paid for part time hours,  walking full time to achieve targets and climbing a lot of stairs, you need a car.  I was physically attacked twice doing this job, once by a policeman and once by four violent neds (I won) – 1998 this job paid £7.70 an hour.  In 2018 this job pays £7.70 per hour.

Cleaning – is now available from £7.83 to £12 per hour if you have your own car and are relatively respectable.  I could have done this for lecturers at uni for £10 – as this was 16 years ago or so, again in decline but bearing up well compared to office work

Wiping bottoms – also known as caring.  If you do this for your loved ones, you get £65 per week for 24 hour a day care.  If you do it as a profession you get from £8-14 per hour, again better than office work.

Office work – Twenty years ago I was averaging £8.50 as an administrator.  This was anything from audio typing to supervising a team of health and safety administrators.  Now I am told that I should not be asking for £9 as this is apparently too difficult for agencies to fill.  I have held out for more complex admin roles, and am looking at £10-14 roles, however it is more likely that I am in the market for entry level graduate roles at £20k.  (Also see yesterday’s post on financial services in decline.)

Kitchen portering or washing dishes, bar work – This is commanding £8-£9 at the moment, and requires no unusual skills, besides which you have a better scope in terms of getting more hours.  If you go with waiting tables, you get tips on top of this, but sometimes these are shared so you have a bit of money on top of your obvious income.  This makes it better than office work, and considerably better for your health.

My crap CV and allegedly useless experience have so far got me six interviews, one within an hour and a half of looking for work.  If I listened to agencies, I would have been working for minimum wage and presumably part-time begging to survive some time ago.  Glasgow is bursting at the seams with inverted snobs who do not like you, your education or anything about you so you are far better off doing without them. Your degree seems to be a liability.

A recent project I was on was actively discouraging Scottish people from jobs in Scotland and saving places for more English or foreign nationals on particular shifts.

If you didn’t know you were at war, please note this carefully.

 

 

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Job Market Hilarity

Well, after discovering that you now get more money cleaning or wiping bottoms for a living than you do in financial services, I am wondering what to do, really.

The agencies and inflated population have driven wages down to the point where one of the jobs I was doing twenty years ago now pays two pence less than it did then. A job I was recently doing paid £50 a day less than ten years ago for four more hours and a far more complex job.  You also get fewer days per week, so two people are doing the job one would have done previously, for less money.

I wonder, personally, how people are expected to live like this?  How can Tories expect the economy to work if most of the population are paid very small wages which then have to be supplemented in order to survive?

It is obvious that the European experiment was intended to reduce wages.  Deutsche Bank have been very good at funding schemes intended to encourage this, but really, what use is it in economic terms?  It just exacerbates the situation in which we all hand what money we have to the same twenty or so individuals who continuously get richer.

Conspiracy theorists like to posit that once the Turing test is passed, half of the population is going to be wiped out.  How does this work in terms of customer base to continue to feed these greedy companies?  Or must we assume that once the same few rich people have more money and power than could ever be useful or practical, that they no longer care?  How much is enough?  Do we recycle the corpses in order to grow trees for their improved planet?  Is that how it works, because the usual method of war or disease is not practical for fertiliser.

Today I sat whilst a presumably very lazy ned told me that all my experience was worthless and that unless I provided her with leads she would not be finding me a job.

This was half an hour of thinly veiled hatred whilst she told me how helpful she was being.  I patiently pointed out all the information she claimed was missing, and apologised to her for working three or four jobs whilst renovating a property and taking care of my parents.

It was very depressing, and I felt pretty awful as I walked home, right up until I emailed her and told her to take me off her database entirely, as she was unlikely to be any help to me.  This cheered me up somewhat.

So, fellow disposable people, bear in mind that you are likely to be paid less and less the more you let people like this have control over your life, and your children will find things much, much worse.

All for the sake of convenience and being too lazy to look at the alternatives.  Alternative sources of information, alternative sources of work, alternative sources of entertainment.  If you keep feeding the same people, they will keep spitting on you until there is nothing left.

All that I have got today for my trouble in terms of  recruitment agents’ fees from my doing short contracts for them is a whole lot of depressing cheek as this one wanted to know which agencies had which contracts.  When you know the game, you realise it is basically 100 days of Sodom, played out in underemployment.

Seriously, more money doing anything other than office work.  Office work, full of stultifyingly boring narrow minded little people who don’t like anybody.  Office work, where you are entirely likely to be replaced by a robot.  Office work, the least healthy option you could pick.

I think I will get on with the final exam for the job I actually do want.  Hopefully I never have to deal with any more nutters.  Maybe tomorrow I can get on with some real work.

Pays more than the last supposedly prestigious one, but that isn’t all that difficult.

 

 

 

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Feeling regal in Ingram Street

Surely that is sufficient.

I won’t be here for hours but if you’re quick you can have a brief stare and run.

Or you could try an actual conversation. I would be awfully impressed.

1 hour later:

OK I lack the patience for any of this.

Stalking a website is going to get really boring so I reckon I should stop worrying about it.

How on earth do people meet now anyway?

I did look at dating sites a while back but everyone was so old.

I guess you get frozen when you ignore your peers.

This is probably the most loony and lonely thing I’ve done since I went to see Wolfe.

That was a good decision though.

No such thing as a nice surprise usually. Not for me anyway.

1.5 hours later again

Nobody can say I haven’t been fair to this dude.  He had the opportunity of stating what his problem was, and not surprisingly, he is too much of a coward to take it up.

I guess I would have liked to have been told a pack of lies to indicate that he isn’t such a bad dude, just to make myself feel better about my shitty judgement.

It must be so tough, destroying people to break up your day.  Poor little swan.

 

 

 

 

 

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You are winding me up

You are one crazy boy.

You will find my meeting with Wolfe in October 2017, if that’s your bag.

I am going out to meet a real person, if there is one.  See if you can figure out where I’m going.

I might issue a clue.

I can’t be bothered unless you have something to say.

 

 

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OK you can search that

That’s all I’m planning to remove for you, so you can pay to have the remainder searched over and over again if you want.

I will not be controlled by somebody who is clearly not at all adequate and who evidently has too much money.

For the benefit of the long-suffering searchers.  This guy has already got me fired, on extremely spurious grounds.  He apparently believes that I am rich and I owe him something.

Anything that could possibly have bothered him has been removed, and I suggest he moves on with his life.

I cannot help you any further, as I have to clear up the existing mess.

 

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Here we go again SB

Faceless computers searching through the last two months again.

OK for you and my romance author friends, here is a potted description again.

Pretty fed up with this now, so I may just work on something else this week.

26th April – a gentle, apparently sympathetic and slightly geeky dude who also happened to be very polite, which I am rather partial to, stops and talks about work.  This is the first actual conversation we have had.  I laughingly decide to be more serious than he is, which unfortunately leads to my hearing myself saying ‘that serious thing you have going on is astonishingly beautiful’  to which he replies ‘you’d have to be awfully good at your job.’

In the weeks that follow, he suddenly appears to double in size, presumably because he feels good, and becomes quite a bit beyond astonishingly beautiful and into ‘Oh god, I cannot do that, he’s bigger than me and my eyes will be scratched out by jealous bitches.’  He has beautiful wrists, and a swan neck in particular, although its all good, broadly speaking.  The clothes all change too. Not being in the shirtless man genre, I am afraid that is about as far into physical description as I can go, although he has more of a North African old school Arab look than your strictly South Asian Caucasian that you might feel more inclined to expect.

When I email him, he passes the email straight on to management who then decide that my personal business is their business, offer me counselling for my dead mother and apparently give me a warning for a perfectly polite email message.

Because he isn’t speaking but is physically flirting and appears to find my discomfort quite funny, I conclude that he is not interested, and besides there is a beautiful girl whom he seems to have a very close friendship with.  As time goes on, an event in the office leads me to believe that they have a slightly kinky relationship and I offer to transfer off the shift to avoid making anyone feel bad about it apart from me.

This apparently makes him furious, he is horrible to my friend, I withdraw any sign at all of interest and start actively avoiding him.  He seems to become more furious as time goes on, to the point that he can’t even hear my voice without being filled with rage.

I try to instigate conversation from my computer because it is not safe standing anywhere near him due to the rockets. (anybody who has experienced the nagging rockets will know what I mean by this.  It isn’t great at work.) The first time I do this it is to ask a simple question about my work, regarding the chair I still plan to make, and the second is when I wish to give him the book I said I was going to give him on the blog.  Both times he is unpleasant, but he does make one attempt to apologise verbally.

Apparently he handed both of these attempts at conversation over to the management too, and added an accusation of harassment to this.  The management told me that they uphold any accusation of harassment.  When I protested that none of the conversations were remotely sexual, and that I had apologised for the initial comment, they said they uphold any old allegation of harassment.  They literally tried to tell me that he didn’t hate me or want me fired whilst telling me that they were escalating a problem I had already solved to get me fired.

In the meantime, I was told that he had said some pretty horrible things (unspecified) that he had questioned whether I was with a limited company or an umbrella company (this indicates that he was interested in money)  that ‘it was OK I was just getting a warning’ (this from a staff member who was obviously in on the conversation. ) and that ‘he was leading me on’ and ‘he isn’t a very nice person,’  in relation to me. This led me to believe that the relationship with the girl in the office was not all it seemed as it is very clear who wears the pants, and it isn’t her. Separately I am told by another two staff members that ‘there have been problems before.’  The management have apparently forgotten, since they denied this.

All of which leads me to conclude that the dude was trying to create a damaging situation and became irritated because I have other outlets than posturing at work for dealing with any ego related issues like jealousy and frustration, so didn’t show any signs of it until he angered me with his rudeness during his responses.

Not everybody is going to like you back.  That’s just normal stuff.  Trying to goad someone into an emotional trap is another.  Why he felt the need to do anything like that I do not know, as he must be aware he was earning at least three times what I was earning.

They often think because I look happy and reasonably confident that I need to be crushed before I can be ‘feminine.’  Fuck being feminine if that is the case.  Take the budgie you’re smuggling to someone who wants to play the little woman. I’d much rather be me, and if you can’t deal with it, don’t look.

Not terribly worried about his not finding me attractive, it was an out-of-character moment to say anything in the first place.  The idea that I was to be repeatedly humiliated with a view to making me angry enough to be canned for misconduct is pretty insulting, or whatever it was that he wanted other than that.  I fear for the staff, personally.

 

 

 

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Here we go again

Faceless computers searching through the last two months again.

OK for you and my romance author friends, here is a potted description again.

Pretty fed up with this now, so I may just work on something else this week.

26th April – a gentle, apparently sympathetic and slightly geeky dude who also happened to be very polite, which I am rather partial to, stops and talks about work.  This is the first actual conversation we have had.  I laughingly decide to be more serious than he is, which unfortunately leads to my hearing myself saying ‘that serious thing you have going on is astonishingly beautiful’  to which he replies ‘you’d have to be awfully good at your job.’

In the weeks that follow, he suddenly appears to double in size, presumably because he feels good, and becomes quite a bit beyond astonishingly beautiful and into ‘Oh god, I cannot do that, he’s bigger than me and my eyes will be scratched out by jealous bitches.’  He has beautiful wrists, and a swan neck in particular, although its all good, broadly speaking.  The clothes all change too. Not being in the shirtless man genre, I am afraid that is about as far into physical description as I can go, although he has more of a North African old school Arab look than your strictly South Asian Caucasian that you might feel more inclined to expect.

When I email him, he passes the email straight on to management who then decide that my personal business is their business, offer me counselling for my dead mother and apparently give me a warning for a perfectly polite email message.

Because he isn’t speaking but is physically flirting and appears to find my discomfort quite funny, I conclude that he is not interested, and besides there is a beautiful girl whom he seems to have a very close friendship with.  As time goes on, an event in the office leads me to believe that they have a slightly kinky relationship and I offer to transfer off the shift to avoid making anyone feel bad about it apart from me.

This apparently makes him furious, he is horrible to my friend, I withdraw any sign at all of interest and start actively avoiding him.  He seems to become more furious as time goes on, to the point that he can’t even hear my voice without being filled with rage.

I try to instigate conversation from my computer because it is not safe standing anywhere near him due to the rockets. (anybody who has experienced the nagging rockets will know what I mean by this.  It isn’t great at work.) The first time I do this it is to ask a simple question about my work, regarding the chair I still plan to make, and the second is when I wish to give him the book I said I was going to give him on the blog.  Both times he is unpleasant, but he does make one attempt to apologise verbally.

Apparently he handed both of these attempts at conversation over to the management too, and added an accusation of harassment to this.  The management told me that they uphold any accusation of harassment.  When I protested that none of the conversations were remotely sexual, and that I had apologised for the initial comment, they said they uphold any old allegation of harassment.  They literally tried to tell me that he didn’t hate me or want me fired whilst telling me that they were escalating a problem I had already solved to get me fired.

In the meantime, I was told that he had said some pretty horrible things (unspecified) that he had questioned whether I was with a limited company or an umbrella company (this indicates that he was interested in money)  that ‘it was OK I was just getting a warning’ (this from a staff member who was obviously in on the conversation.  She is no longer my friend) and that ‘he was leading me on’ and ‘he isn’t a very nice person,’  in relation to me. This led me to believe that the relationship with the girl in the office was not all it seemed as it is very clear who wears the pants, and it isn’t her. Separately I am told by another two staff members that ‘there have been problems before.’  The management have apparently forgotten, since they denied this.

All of which leads me to conclude that the dude was trying to create a damaging situation and became irritated because I have other outlets than posturing at work for dealing with any ego related issues like jealousy and frustration, so didn’t show any signs of it until he angered me with his rudeness during his responses.

Not everybody is going to like you back.  That’s just normal stuff.  Trying to goad someone into an emotional trap is another.  Why he felt the need to do anything like that I do not know, as he must be aware he was earning at least three times what I was earning.

They often think because I look happy and reasonably confident that I need to be crushed before I can be ‘feminine.’  Fuck being feminine if that is the case.  Take the budgie you’re smuggling to someone who wants to play the little woman. I’d much rather be me, and if you can’t deal with it, don’t look.

Not terribly worried about his not finding me attractive, it was an out-of-character moment to say anything in the first place.  The idea that I was to be repeatedly humiliated with a view to making me angry enough to be canned for misconduct is pretty insulting, or whatever it was that he wanted other than that.  I fear for the staff, personally.

 

 

 

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Oh right so it was one day off

I see, so it was a false flag.

You are quite young to be this obsessive, and I don’t know why you think there is a point to this at all. I liked you, you didn’t like me.  You got me fired.  End of story.

If you want to take up a writing career, perhaps you should go and do that.  I am quite lazy and easily distracted so I am not a shining example of how to go about things.

Broadly speaking, unless you want to spend most of your day marketing you have to produce a lot of tagged output, and short stories are very helpful for this in today’s market.

Apart from that, you are wasting your time.  My life was over by the time I was your age.

Don’t waste it on bullshit.

Damaged people

 

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Some Dream for you to interpret

This is a good one, I woke up at 4am from this one feeling very good.

I am on a busy train, but for some reason the train is huge and I am sitting in a similar job to the one I have just done, with similar people, although I think only one person, who sat back to back with me and was extremely helpful, actually made it into the dream.

Wolfe is further back in train, in a separate carriage with his entourage of wifelets and staff.  I know he is there, but it’s fine because we don’t bother each other as a rule.

(This is very unusual, the only previous dreams I have had about him are comedic or about fighting.)

Anyway, I am struggling away with this job, which seems to be vaguely health related and the pod I am sitting in is discussing it with a view to getting it correct.  We seem to be doing reasonably well, and then of course Wolfe decides to try to get to the top of the train.

As he approaches the pod I am sitting at, I hear him and then see that his progress is being impeded by moronic and super normal fans.  I cough, and notice that they all stop trying to paw at him for a second. He gets slightly further up the train.  I cough again, and the other people working with me start laughing as he get a little bit further forward again.  He nods to me without looking, and I go into a full blown coughing fit to enable him to disappear towards the next empty bit of carriage, whereupon I say goodbye to the people on the pod and follow him.  He looks back and smiles as he disappears into an enormous ballroom. (it’s a big train)  I pick the ballroom that he isn’t in.

I was very happy at the end of this one, make of it what you will.  So far it seems to be about life’s journey and feeling good about decisions.

If I fully commit, I am going to seriously disrupt things in the next ten years, which is going to put a major strain on our non-relationship.  I ain’t no shrinking violet when it comes to Wolfe, unfortunately.

 

 

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