Ina Disguise's Blog: New blog, page 46

Why are offices so crap?

Years ago, when in the upper echelons of one of the big utilities companies, I asked myself this question.  Why is it that office workers seem to guzzle gossip, delight in each other’s misfortunes, stab each other in the back and generally do anything other than work?

I was going to write a book about people management from the perspective of a chef back then, because of my perception that effective communication was direct communication.  Not necessarily in the style of Gordon Ramsay, (who actually isn’t one of the better chefs I have graced with my presence)  but why is it that kitchens function so much better than offices?

To give you some idea of what I mean, in the last office I worked in, ordering a meal would take around three weeks.  The garnish would take a full week to arrive, if you forgot a side dish that would take another week.  Nobody would remind you of what had to be on the plate, and if you didn’t know they would laugh at you.  Any guidance would be presented in the form of a large book which often sent you off on another recipe.

In the meantime, your head chef would be waiting to fire you, so any training anybody had given you would just be a useless expense.  No question of him helping you at all – that would be INAPPROPRIATE.  No, instead you would have to leave the kitchen and talk to one of the waiters, who would give you an offhand and disinterested answer because they would frankly rather be texting.

The chef de partie, in the meantime, would not listen or speak to you because he was trying to get the head chef to fire you on the grounds that you forgot the garnish and he was too frightened to speak to you.

Do you see how this works?  Offices are just about always like this.  I wondered at first if it was because people are sat in chairs all day.  Could it be that being stationary causes this malevolence?

Jobseeking is currently extremely tiresome.  I was earning 36k at 25 years old, running a team of older men as a head chef.  I actually considered applying for a job washing dishes at 18k this week, before I thought about it and decided that after everything I have been through over the years, I really deserve better.  Besides, I have a few things on the go that will be better than this option, but it goes to show how much I miss working practices that actually work.

It feels at the moment as if my personal life is over.  It has been over for years anyway, so nothing new there, but I really didn’t need another life lesson about crap people.  People are violent, selfish, nasty and back-biting as a rule, and no amount of high vibrational inspiration seems to be able to shake them out of it.  Wolfe has been right about so many things.  I still miss him terribly, but I would miss him more if he was around, so it is just as well really.

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Again, what do you want SB?

 

I see you are here again, Shyam.  What is it that you want?

I was told that you weren’t a nice person, that this was not the first time you had done this, and that you were ‘leading me on,’ by someone who knows you a whole lot better than I do.  Since you appeared to be laughing at me quite a bit, and not speaking, I took their word for it.

I didn’t really see it like that, however, because unless people actually say something it doesn’t mean anything other than bullshit workplace entertainment, and I’ve seen it before.  It is tiresome in the extreme. It does not usually involve removing people’s actual job, however.

FYI Narcissists hoover the way you are hoovering, you seem to enjoy other people’s misery a bit too much.  What do you actually want from staring at the site?  What are you getting out of it?

I don’t know what you thought you were doing, or whether this is all low self-esteem, but really the only thing wrong with you is fixable.  You also need to stop letting other people take advantage of it, so stop leaning on your manager to parent you.  I can tell you he is pretty fed up with it, although he hides it well.

It appears that you are being used to hurt people, and only you can fix that, because the problem is directly coming from you.  Chicken and egg – if you continue to do what you are doing, everyone will assume it is you that came up with it, and I am not entirely convinced it is 100% your fault.  I think you have been led to believe that what you do to people is how you lead a team.  It isn’t. I was trying to discreetly resolve all these issues.  You want it in public, so here ya go.

If you thought you were taking the piss out of an over-priviliged white bitch, you are also mistaken.  I spent twenty two years thinking of nothing but my parents and this house.  I worked harder than you can imagine for it, so I don’t see how this episode is resolvable as a personal issue.  You made it personal, I did not.

I made a lot of sacrifices for my family, that you know nothing about, and you were the first person in more than two decades that I spontaneously showed any interest in.  I won’t be making that mistake again, nor will I ever feel safe in the workplace because of what you did.  I have been demeaned as a human and a staff member.  That isn’t good management by any stretch of the imagination, and both the managers concerned were just as bad, if not worse than you are.  It is shockingly bad management to humiliate people because you fear losing control, and I am less than impressed by the company who sends managers out this poorly trained.

It is not only poor management, because a leader is supposed to lead;  it is a poor excuse for being a human, and I don’t really see what you are expecting me to say about it other than I’m disgusted with both you and your managers. Good leadership involves dealing with your own problems using your personality, it does not involve rendering everybody as impotent as you all seem to be in terms of personal effectiveness.

I don’t know what is going on with the girl, but if I was you, I would get as far away as possible from it and her. It did not look good, whatever it was, and I am aware that it continues.

I am particularly offended by you disclosing my out of work identity to your tedious employers.  Nobody had to be told that, so if it has caused you problems, it is your own fault. People are employed for the length of the shift, not 24 hours of thought policing. I have rarely been made so miserable so quickly by anyone.

Please get the book and sort yourself out.  You made sure that I cannot help you, so stop staring.  Either say something or fuck off. You are extremely depressing, and until you reach adulthood, which may well be never, you are no use to anyone.

Oh, someone in Cardiff appears to be obsessed with your name, if that means anything.  I will take this down when you’ve hit it.

 

 

 

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Misinformation

I see the swan has an Indian name.  I was told he was Moroccan.  I did think he had an odd name.

Severed my last connection to the office today, so I will have to stop thinking about it.

Very upset.

Wish that I felt like working on creative stuff, but I really don’t. I just seem to want to sleep incessantly.

 

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Why are people shitty?

There are many reasons why people are shitty.  I started observing this quite early in life, so I have encountered a lot of shitty people despite spending much of my life avoiding them.

Regular readers following the sad story of SB will know that I have encountered quite a vast array of shittiness, for no apparent reason and despite trying very hard to over-compensate.

Ok so let us go back to the beginning of shittiness:

Personality disorder – some people are shitty from birth.  They cannot help being shitty, and the only thing you can really do about it is make sure they are unable to harm you any further, because they won’t stop as long as you allow them airtime.
Associated personality issues – some people do not have the faculties to deal with their surroundings, so they pretend to be stupid in order to function.  This can be quite aggravated and involve severe bullying and causing trauma to others to self-protect. It is far better to be the bully than the bullied, apparently.
Selfishness – in the event that you are smart yet corrupt then the obvious thing to do is take advantage of other people’s shittiness to further your own agenda.

Ok so that covers my family.

Further shittiness has been mainly work-related, since I do not choose to spend my time with people socially any more. I did not, however, find I had terribly many problems socially because from an early age I did not choose to commit to single social groups, mainly because it was so boring and insular.

Ambition – this makes people shitty.  Sometimes they will practice on a selected victim in the hope that this will benefit them later.
Attention – people can get shitty because they seek attention and do not know how to get it any other way.  This varies between personal inadequacy, lack of social skills, fear of emotion, or attachment disorders.   I kicked Wolfe in the shins for years for this reason.
Bonding – some people bond over being shitty to others.  The girl probably had a marginally easier time when being volunteered into being shitty, until it was far too late. Why SB needed to use me to bond her to him I do not know, since he clearly is the person with the power in that relationship, even from casual observation.  What seems odd is the complete denial that it even exists.  I doubt very much her conversations are relayed to his manager for perusal and shaming purposes.  (the attempt at shaming me was almost hilarious – “so, you are making a CHAIR”)
Curiosity – if you look remotely interesting or do not respond with the herd, people sometimes get shitty to try to persuade you to conform.  Don’t.
Self-limitation – this is a huge one in Scotland.  Anybody doing anything is ‘giving themselves airs’ or assuming some sort of superiority, even when all the evidence points to the contrary.
Assumed superiority – people often assume they deserve status they have utterly failed to earn.
Lack of self-esteem.  People are often shitty because they hate themselves. This can go back years and affect even quite major figures.
Paranoia – sometimes people are shitty because they assume you don’t like them, even though you don’t know them at all.

And sometimes people are shitty because they detect vulnerability and decide to kick you in the teeth for no reason other than they can.  I’ve had a lot of that since my mother died, and it is not forgivable.

So then, I think we are back to the point of the second video I ever made for Wolfe.

“If God had not meant for them to be shorn, he would not have created them as sheep.”

 

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Not so Cute

Well, well, the culture of viciousness is worse than I thought.

On the plus side, I met two members of my tribe on my trip out today.  Both were imaginative non-conformists and both almost saluted me in addition to saying hello.  Evidently I now cut quite a dash, which is always nice since I had never met either of them.

So, I messaged the previous advertisement, and very cheerfully informed the advertiser that his advert was illegal, and recommended he try a personal ad, since it is pretty clear what the dude actually wants, or so I thought.

Within two exchanges, he became abusive.  The dude is incel. Look it up if you don’t know what that means. I do not know or care what he looks like, but he has announced it to the world along with his address, place of work, mobile number and distaste for actually conversing with anybody about anything but himself.

He has now actually read some of the blog, and he continued to be abusive about that.  Not a surprise he needs to pay for company of any kind.

He is just one of the unlucky people who has had a very easy career in a technical arena where he does not get to meet any women, and now he is scared of them to the point of being like a wild animal.

Am I to assume that this generation of males are all obsessed with control and putting other people down to make themselves feel better?  Do they all, like SB, refer all conversations to another member of staff because they cannot cope with real life?  Is this the future?  I do not forsee much joy if that is the case.

I’m with Boris.  Fuck business, and fuck this miserable idea of a culture.  Fuck it.

Anytime you’re ready, big boy.

Kisses,

 

Ina

 

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Cute

Mature Obedient Woman wanted for Housemaid duties in a single bachelor’s large house based in the merchant city in Glasgow city centre G1

Cash in hand £10 per hour for cleaning only OR £15 per hour for home cooking and cleaning.

Weekend work, usually Sunday morning/afternoon for 3 hours if just cleaning or 4 hours if  home cooking and cleaning (occasionally Saturday morning/afternoon instead.)

Cleaning equipment will be provided and (if cooking) cooking ingredients/equipment will be provided. A simple home cooked meal is lovely and complex chef skills are not required.

I’m a good boss, patient and fair, wanting to make my house my “home, sweet home”.

 

How cute,  I think he might be better off with a personal ad.

LOL

I don’t think I can be bothered with the public today.

 

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Are you real?

Just caught up with my email, and no I do not believe that the senders were who they said they were.

Why?  A 35 year old man, in this day and age, considers that a running joke that he had no problem with in person suddenly makes him the subject of daily ridicule in an office that did not previously know about this website or anything about my work. Diddums.

As for your assertion that a gag about a bromance constitutes something that would damage your reputation – do you come from some backwards place where shit like this matters?  No, you don’t.

Unless the management were unbelievably stupid and circulated the website themselves, this reeks of bullshit.

So, smartass, you now have my telephone number, which is presumably what you wanted.  Good luck with that, no idea what you think you will get out of it.  You could easily have got the number elsewhere, as I left instructions for you to have it if you wanted it.  I would dearly love to hear something convincing enough for me to forgive you, but I am unlikely to.

Another one referred to the story as heartbreaking.  It isn’t particularly heartbreaking.  Met dude, dude turned out to be a dickhead is something of a permanent theme in my life.

Just normal.  Would have been nice if it wasn’t, but it’s normal.

Ina

 

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Peace and Quiet

At last, the website is back to its usual level of nonentity.

Apart from a few unusual hits from London, which I am hoping indicates investigation of the company, and an unusually engaged individual looking at my actual work, we have peace and quiet once more.

Oddly a few contracts have just come up, all of which pay better and have better experience than the previous one.

Applied for probably sixty jobs yesterday, before and after my disastrous meeting with the ex.  I won’t be making that mistake again.

Now I am considering how best to deal with this apart from the obvious ones.

Most companies are too slow in this day and age.  If you will make it impossible for people to be flexible in terms of actually being able to eat, then you have to speed up employment processes.

Not sure how I feel about everything else, apart from that the world is a dangerous and nasty place, and it is getting worse all the time.  People can no longer survive on their own, which is neither prudent nor right.

If what I suspect is going on is correct, and the pointers indicate that it is, I still need to consider what more I can do to protect people in the future.

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How not to seduce your ex

First, make sure you are not at all interested in anything she has to say.

Then dominate the conversation with your imaginary superiority, based on half-assed references to things she might have heard of, or, if you are particularly dull-witted, things she might have seen on TV.

Ignore any concerns she may have or anything she might be feeling.

Allow yourself to be intimidated by anything she might have done that you are incapable of.

Don’t, for any reason, show any interest in anything she is doing or volunteer to be remotely helpful.

Refer to people she doesn’t like or know as if they are vastly superior.

Do not allow yourself to pay her a compliment or give her any reason to suspect that you are anything but the same lousy shit she dumped thirty years ago.

Then, after all that, try to go home with her on the expectation that she would find any of the above remotely attractive because presumably she is now bored and depressed enough to want to bonk you senseless.

 

Where is the kind and considerate person that wants to just be reasonably nice to me in a kind of biting and scratching context?  Where is the time-wasting passion?  Where is the interest?

 

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My mother is dead

 

My friend in the Gambia got in touch with me to ask how I was and try and worm his way back in yesterday.  I sent him a few computers last year, and I assume he thinks I can send him some more.

“How is your mother?”

“Dead.  They killed her at Christmas.  They tried to kill her in May last year, and I stopped them.”

“What?”  The idea of killing somebody when you don’t have to is astonishing when you come from a country where medical care is administered somewhat differently.

Ex-boyfriend number 1 also got a shock when he asked this question.  I’m heading out to see him today.

I, of course have been blasting my head with music pretty much constantly ever since it happened.  I am the world’s expert at distraction.

Every so often I think she is here, and I rush off to do something for her, and obviously then I remember.  She was not an easy person to get to know, but we figured it out eventually.  I wasn’t the daughter she wanted, but then the daughter she wanted didn’t give a flying fuck about her, which wasn’t terribly helpful.  She was brought up to be a little Tory, and little Tories don’t get help when they need it.  They just assume it happens by magic.  She was insisting even when we got to the palliative stage that she didn’t need a carer.

Aside from that, dealt with the work issue as best I could without it hurting anybody that matters.  I’ve done as much as I can do, which is more than anyone else would do. Now moving on to better things.

I think the main thing is not to let people get in the way.  Whilst obviously the newer short stories are more polished and coherent, I don’t think it was a worthy trade-off.  I really liked SB, thankfully not to the point of being stupid, or things could have been even worse.  I do wonder about the trade-off he has made.  The determination to be invisible and lack of connection is quite distressing.

I used to have an equally beautiful and discombobulated French-Lebanese boyfriend who adored me.  He was so shot up by the stuff that had happened to him that lengthy conversations about ‘nice’ things abounded, and I quickly found I couldn’t stand it.  I was quite relieved when he moved away. Poor Michel.  He had been through a lot.

Unfortunately, what happens to people with PTSD is that other people use them.  They use them because they can.  I don’t know who is yanking the chain in this case for sure, but whoever it is is not a person you want yanking your chains.

I am going to spend some time catching up with more serious writing, and then I will get back to work on the performance art.  At the moment it is more of a case of repairing the damage and trying to limit the amount that can be done in the future.  For this reason, I suggest he plays along with my proposed solution, which is by far the least harmful I could come up with.  I managed this whilst irate, which is a testament to my logical processing, really.

Anyway, must go socialise.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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