Ksenia Anske's Blog, page 31

I have no space to care for you, I want to care for me.

Illustration by Maria Gracheva

This is what it comes down to, growing up as a woman, and on top of that growing up in a family that's abusive. You get trained to care for everyone but yourself, and every argument you try to present, every time you try to explain how you feel, gets thrown back in your face, "You don't care for me, look what you're doing to me, you're bringing this on yourself, you're selfish," and on and on and on. Now, the problem with these statements is, they are confusi...

Another book published! And four more coming.

Yes, you read that right. Four more books coming. Three paperbacks and one audiobook. But let me give you all the news in the proper order. To start with...

SIREN SUICIDES IS FINALLY LIVE EVERYWHERE!!!

That means, it's alive. That means, it's published and available for purchase and download everywhere, like on Amazon and on iBooks and Barnes & Noble and other places, and a few weeks later when you ask for it at your local bookstore or library it will be available there too. IngramSpark takes...

I try to get out of this depression and I can't

Illustration by Soju Sor

Just spent close to an hour searching online for anything about my sister and found two accounts of her, one on Instagram and it's private, and one on Twitter and there is only one post and it says, "New life" in Russian and with a smiley and it's posted later same year when I came out publicly about our father abusing me and my sister telling me I'm crazy and ending all ties with me online and deleting all her accounts. I'm sure she blocked me everywhere she could...

SHOW! DON'T TELL! Or I will kill you.

Illustration by Sofia Bonati

So, here we go again. I guess I just never say it enough.It's so easy to tell when you write, and so bloody hard to show. As a reminder, here is a wonderful write-up by Chuck Palahniuk about it, namely, about how to unpack your sneaky lazy telling into bold crisp showing, and it's hard work and you won't like me one bit for what you're about to read (and Chuck says the same thing at the very top of his lovely write-up, so it's okay, you can hate me too if you w...

Writing helps me reclaim my sexuality

Art by Jana Brike

I wonder if that's why romance writers write romance. I wonder if that's why most romance writers are women. And I wonder if it correlates with the fact that it's women's sexuality that's been suppressed out of fear by men for centuries, because if it were unleashed, it'd smite patriarchy like a bug. I wonder. I don't know if any of it is true but I do know it's true for me. Writing Janna is unlocking things I didn't know we're locked. I didn't know they were there.

I'll e...

What to work on in the first draft...

...and what to leave out. Or, rather, what bits are worth spending your time on, and what bits aren't. Now, before you read any further, know that THIS IS WHAT WORKS FOR ME. That doesn't mean that it will work for you.So don't come to my house with pitchforks and torches demanding I return your wasted time and recompense your other emotional damages. You won't get shit. And maybe I will spray you with vodka from my window. Or something. Anyway. Since you asked, here you go. (Proceed at you...

I still hate my body

Photo by Royce Daniel

"Am I thin enough? Am I thin enough?" This question has been driving me nuts since I hit puberty, and this is the picture of my belly above. This is my belly after having two kids. This is my belly at being 40. That's thin enough, right? Nope. Apparently not. I'm still under control of the messages that have been drilled into my head.

The message I heard from my mother was about the value of being pretty, and by being pretty she meant thin. She wanted me to become a mode...

Keep writing even when you don't want to

Illustration by Mouni Feddag

"Hi Ksenia! I wanted to say that I've recently read 2 of your books, Rosehead and Irkadura. They were both so beautiful and I'll definitely be reading all the rest of your books! But I wanted to ask, you said that it was very hard writing Irkadura and you felt so sad while writing it. So why did you carry on even when the book was such a struggle and you didn't enjoy yourself?"

Here is my answer, darling.

In order to get at that nagging pain that's been gnawing o...

Can I just cry a little?

Illustration by Henn Kim

I always carry this inside me, somewhere in a deep dark corner, but once in a while it decides to come up and make me scrunch up my face and sit and cry like a baby.

I'm not making enough money with my writing to be able to pay all those who help me make my books happen.

Right now I have to wait for Siren Suicides (Second Edition)to be reformatted after receiving the printed proof and discovering that the text was a little too wide, and Stuart is busy with a project...

Why setting is important

Illustration by Vincent Mahe

DON'T FUCKING NEVER FORGET TO TELL US WHERE YOUR SHIT IS HAPPENING.

This rant is brought to you by my doing more editing and also reading more writing submissions on @ellowrites and lately setting some books aside because,well, they totally failed to give me the feeling that the story is real. I mean, I know it's a lie but I want to be fooled into thinking that it's real, and if I don't get the feeling about where the story is happening, like in an actual real p...